Dating Courtship Marriage

Introduction Genesis 24:1-21 1 Abraham was now old and well advanced in years, and the LORD had blessed him in every way. 2 He said to the chief servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, "Put your hand under my thigh. 3 I want you to swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, 4 but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac."

Introduction Genesis 24:1-21 5 The servant asked him, "What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this land? Shall I then take your son back to the country you came from?" 6 "Make sure that you do not take my son back there," Abraham said. 7 "The LORD, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father's household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, 'To your offspring I will give this land'--he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there. 8 If the woman is unwilling to come back with you, then you will be released from this oath of mine. Only do not take my son back there."

Introduction Genesis 24:1-21 12 Then he prayed, "O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 15 Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milcah, who was the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor. 16 The girl was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever lain with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again. 17 The servant hurried to meet her and said, "Please give me a little water from your jar." 18 "Drink, my lord," she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink.

Introduction Genesis 24:1-21 19 After she had given him a drink, she said, "I'll draw water for your camels too, until they have finished drinking." 20 So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels. 21 Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the LORD had made his journey successful.

Introduction Genesis 24:55-67 55 But her brother and her mother replied, "Let the girl remain with us ten days or so; then you may go." 56 But he said to them, "Do not detain me, now that the LORD has granted success to my journey. Send me on my way so I may go to my master." 57 Then they said, "Let's call the girl and ask her about it." 58 So they called Rebekah and asked her, "Will you go with this man?" "I will go," she said. 59 So they sent their sister Rebekah on her way, along with her nurse and Abraham's servant and his men. 60 And they blessed Rebekah...

Introduction Genesis 24:55-67 62 Now Isaac had come from Beer Lahai Roi, for he was living in the Negev. 63 He went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching. 64 Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac. She got down from her camel 65 and asked the servant, "Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?“ "He is my master," the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself.

Introduction Genesis 24:55-67 66 Then the servant told Isaac all he had done.

67 Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her...

Introduction There were choices available in Genesis 24. Genesis 24:3-4 3 "...you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, 4 but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac."

Introduction The servant 'laid a fleece' before God. Genesis 24:12,14 12 Then he prayed, "O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 14 May it be that when I say to a girl, 'Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,' and she says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too'--let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac..."       The servant’s search contains important principles that remain applicable in contemporary society.

First Poem Love is like an onion You taste it with delight But when it’s gone, you wonder Whatever made you bite Love is a funny thing just like a lizard He curls up around your heart And jumps into your gizzard Love is swell. It’s enticing. It’s orange gel. It’s strawberry icing. It’s chocolate moose. It’s roasted goose. It’s ham on rye. It’s banana pie. Love is all good things without a question. In other words, it’s indigestion.

Second Poem Slippery ice, very thin Pretty girl, tumbles in Saw a boy on the bank Gave a shriek then she sank

Boy on hand, heard the shout Jumped right in, pulled her out Now she’s his. Very nice But she had to break the ice.

"Love" The word "love" is used to describe various types of relationships:

God and man

Parents and children

Brothers and sisters

Friends to friends

But only in the relationship between husband and wife can there be a physical consummation of love. This is a sacred thing that must NOT be violated.

1. The Wisdom in Seeking Counsel Isaac was not the only person involved in his choice of bride. Many young people tend to see pastors and parents as a hindrance when choosing a mate, rather than as sources of wisdom. It is good to have an objective perspective on your situation.

1. The Wisdom in Seeking Counsel Seek the wisdom of others. Do not get carried away by emotions.

Proverbs 15:22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.

2. The Principle of Being Equally Yoked 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."

2. The Principle of Being Equally Yoked Usually, when a Christian marries an unbeliever, it is the Christian who gives way to the unbelieving spouse.

Amos 3:3 Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?

The Law of Gravity makes it easier to be pulled down than lifted up. The Law of Sin makes it easier to fall into sin than to rise to righteousness.

2. The Principle of Being Equally Yoked Be SPIRITUALLY compatible in maturity in passion and devotion in godliness

3. The Beauty of Purity Genesis 24:16a The girl was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever lain with her. Honor chastity Honor your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit

Godly relationships are… …Biblical, God-honoring, and Kingdom-building …Pure in the sight of God

3. The Beauty of Purity On a scale of 1 - 10: 1

10

Holding hands

Sexual intercourse

How far would you need to go before crossing the "Line of Purity"? Is there a "limit" to purity that can be negotiated around? If we have a "Line" mentality, our biggest question becomes “How far can I go before I cross the line?” instead of focusing on pursuing righteousness.

3. The Beauty of Purity Don't struggle with how far you can go before "crossing the line". Stay as far away from the "line" as possible!

Pursue RIGHTEOUSNESS Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

3. The Beauty of Purity When dealing with purity, the heart of the problem is the problem with the heart. (Story of Malcolm Muggeridge) Be especially careful when spending time alone as a couple, inaccessible to the family or the public.

3. The Beauty of Purity "You do not touch my daughter… If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them... "The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool… Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat… Old folks homes are better…" from "Rules for Dating My Daughter" (c) 1998, W. Bruce Cameron <www.wbrucecameron.com> for complete text

Sex is sacred. Purity is the greatest gift for your future spouse.

How do you view your sexuality? Affective sexuality is related to the attraction to the opposite sex.

SEXUALITY

Genital sexuality is related to sensuality and the act of sexual intercourse. Genital sexuality must be kept within the marriage relationship.

The Differences Between Infatuation and Love Infatuation

Love

• Infatuation is a feeling Infatuation is about emotions.

• Love is willing Love is about the will.

• You fall into Infatuation

• You grow into Love

• Infatuation is selfish Infatuation says "I love you because you're beautiful."

• Love is selfless Love says "You're beautiful because I love you."

• Infatuation is temporary

• Love endures

Characteristics of a Pure Relationship 1. A Desire to Please God Not out to follow the crowd Not concerned Holiness of about what is acceptable God in society More concerned about God’s feelings Focused on God’s holiness 1 Peter 1 Consider the 15 But just as he who holiness of God! called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."

Characteristics of a Pure Relationship 2. A Respect for the Sanctity of Sex Within Marriage Sex was created by God

Characteristics of a Pure Relationship 3. A Commitment to Guard the Purity of Others The couple will not only Hebrews 10:24 consider the holiness of God, And let us consider how we may but will actively guard each spur one another on toward love other's and good deeds. purity as well.

A Commitment to Guard the Purity of Others Consider the implications of everything you do as a couple. Do not end up violating the purity that you were meant to be guarding. See yourself as a warrior guardian over the other person's purity. Prevent yourself from stealing the purity that could belong to someone else's future spouse.

Tips for guarding each other's purity: Guys

Girls

Guys are turned on by what they

Girls are turned on by what they

see

feel Both are aroused by touch

Girls can help guard others' purity by dressing modestly. Protect each other by not being too "touchy“.

The Differences Between Boys and Girls Generally >> Guys are like light bulbs, they turn on and off very quickly

<< Girls are like irons – they take a long time to warm up, but once hot, they stay hot for a long time.

Respect yourself: Girls have complete freedom to "pull the plug" and stop boys who go too far.

The rules of marriage should NOT be applied to courtship Courting couples who 'break up' should not be treated as if they are 'divorced'. If the couple has not been physically intimate, there should be no problem parting. The very purpose of courtship is to see if a person is suitable for marriage! There should be no stigma placed on courting couples who separate.

The privileges of marriage should NOT be enjoyed in courtship If the rules of marriage do not apply to courting couples, then do not take the privileges of marriage when courting. Sex is a privilege of marriage, and off-limits to courting couples. Nothing is settled until they say "I do" at the altar.

Marry because you want to, not because you have to Engagement Engagement is NOT marriage. It is a sign that you have set yourself aside exclusively for one person. It is a signal to others that you are "taken". As long as the relationship is pure, we become liberated when we understand that nothing is final until "I do".

Sex Demonstration Why is it important to keep our purity? Sexual intercourse always leaves "pieces" of one partner with the other.

Soul-ties A tie forms between the souls of sexual partners. Soul-ties with previous sexual partners will affect and be linked to ties with future partners.

Soul-ties 1 Corinthians 6 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh.“ 17 But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

Paul compares sexual intercourse with the intimacy of spiritual worship.

Soul-ties Colossians 3 5 Put to death, therefore, Earthly whatever belongs to your earthly nature: Nature sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 1 Corinthians 16 13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. 14 Do everything in love.

Unnatural Relationships This includes homosexual relationships. Leviticus 18:22 " Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.

Leviticus 20:13 " If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable...

1 Corinthians 6 9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Unhealthy Relationships "Lean To" relationships Both parties cannot function without the other. "Lean On" relationships Only one party cannot function without the other. Independent relationships Both parties function completely independent of the other.

Unhealthy Relationships 1. "Lean To" relationships 2. "Lean On" relationships 3. Independent relationships

Healthy Relationship: The Interdependent Relationship Two complete individuals in a mutual agreement to walk together.

Unhealthy Relationships "Lean To" and "Lean On" relationships are very unhealthy in the context of BGRs, as they lead to Emotional Dependence (ED). Unmarried ED relationships can lead to adultery and other ungodly sexual sins. Most Christians do not plan to commit adultery, but fall into it through emotional entanglement.

Unhealthy Relationships: Emotional Dependence The only way to end an ED relationship is to starve it to death. Stop feeding mutual dependence – break the relationship in order to start afresh.

Unhealthy Relationships R e m e. m b e r Even if we have engaged in unhealthy relationships or damaged our purity,

God's grace is greater than all of our past sins. Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

Psalm 103 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

4. The principle of shared inheritance 1. The wisdom of seeking counsel 2. Be equally yoked 3. Maintain purity Genesis 24:7 “The LORD, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father's household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, 'To your offspring I will give this land'-he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there.”

4. The principle of shared inheritance Isaac had an inheritance in the Lord and his future wife would have to be a part of that destiny. In the choice of spouse, one has to bear in mind the mission and destiny that God has placed on one's life. Consider God's mission and destiny for your life.

3 ‘M’s in Life Genesis 2:18 - 23

3 M's in Life: 1. MASTER Adam got to know the Lord first.

3 ‘M’s in Life 1. MASTER

2. MISSION

Once Adam knew God, he knew what God wanted him to do tend the garden. Adam found his life purpose and mission.

You are forced to compromise on God-given dreams and visions if your partner does not share your passion and mission.

3 ‘M’s in Life 1. MASTER

2. MISSION

Once Adam knew his mission, God sent him a mate to share the mission with him. "Helper" in the original Hebrew: "one who assists another to reach complete fulfillment." Two candles that come together must burn brighter for the Lord.

3. MATE

5. The Presence of Willingness Genesis 24:8 If the woman is unwilling to come back with you, then you will be released from this oath of mine... Genesis 24:57-58 57 Then they said, "Let's call the girl and ask her about it." 58 So they called Rebekah and asked her, "Will you go with this man?" "I will go," she said. There must be some kind of mutual attraction

5. The Presence of Willingness Genesis 24:63-65 63 He went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching. 64 Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac. She got down from her camel 65 and asked the servant, "Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?"

5. The Presence of Willingness The presence of willingness implies that there is choice in the matter. There must be freedom to choose on both side. One should not ‘spiritually’ manipulate another into a relationship.

1 Corinthians 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking ...

5. The Presence of Willingness Does God have a perfect ONE for me? Many people are waiting around for The Perfect One. This theory would mean that if you miss this person (out of the 5 billion on the earth) -too bad! Is this theory logical?

5. The Presence of Willingness Does God have a perfect ONE for me? Numbers 36:6 This is what the LORD commands for Zelophehad’s daughters: They may marry anyone they please as long as they marry within the tribal clan of their father. 1 Corinthians 7:39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

5. The Presence of Willingness Does God have a perfect ONE for me? Choose the one that most suits you from the range of good choices There is no perfect one but once we are married, we seek to become the perfect one to our partner.

God is not so concerned that you choose the right one but you being the right one.

6. The Key of Prayer Genesis 24:12,63 12 Then he prayed, "O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 63 He went out to the field one evening to meditate… Bring God into your search for a mate Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

6. The Key of Prayer "Marriage means the handing over of yourself, your body, your future, your keeping, to the one whom you dearly love although this person may in many ways remain a stranger. This tremendous act of faith is something that can unlock in each lover paths of compassion, generosity, joy, passion, fidelity and hope that no one guessed was even there. That is why the confidence of young lovers is not foolish or arrogant but an expression of a basic fact in human experience. This is the greatest of human gifts and is set to work only when people are prepared to risk everything. But first you must risk it before God in prayer."

7. The Important Virtue of Kindness The only test that Abraham’s servant devised was a test of kindness. Genesis 24:14 May it be that when I say to a girl, 'Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,' and she says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too' let her be the one you have chosen for Your servant Isaac.

Rebekah showed her kindness with enthusiasm!

Genesis 24:20 So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels.

40 gallons of water

7. The Important Virtue of Kindness Kindness is a virtue that one should always find in a mate. Test for kindness, if for nothing else. What you see is what you get. People change. But not much. If you do not see kindness and loving concern before marriage, do not hope that marriage will change this.

What makes a Woman attractive? Proverbs 31:10 (NIV) A wife of noble character who can find? (NKJV) Who can find a virtuous wife? VIRTUOUS chayil (Hebrew) Strength Full of grace Lovingkindness

PRUDENT sarkal (Hebrew) Practical wisdom Good judgement Common sense

Genesis 24:21 Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the LORD had made his journey successful.

Observe your potential spouse! Proverbs 19:14 Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.

What makes a Man desirable? Proverbs 20:6 Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?

FAITHFUL emuwn (Hebrew) Can be relied on

The same word for "faithful" is used in Luke 16:10, in reference to financial dealings. The Bible illustrates "faithfulness" in very practical issues like money.

What makes a Man desirable? Be practical when choosing a spouse, observe money habits, etc. Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Seek a spouse who is faithful in financial dealings and financially responsible. Be on your guard for stinginess too! Many unhappy marriages revolve around the unwise financial dealings of one of the parties.

8. The Need for Family Blessing Genesis 24:59-60 59So they sent their sister Rebekah onher way, along with her nurse and Abraham's servant and his men. 60And they blessed Rebekah and said to her, "Our sister, may you increase to thousands upon thousands; may your offspring possess the gates of their enemies." Marriage is the union of two persons, but it is also the union of two families. It is always wise to seek the blessings of loved ones, both in the family and in the church. (Remember that the couple still makes the final decision.)

9. Timing Divine timing is involved in all of this. If you have not found your partner yet, be encouraged to trust God’s timing for your life. The real issue: Can we trust God's timing for our lives?

DIVI NE

9. Timing Can we trust God's timing for our lives? Do we really believe that God has our best interests at heart? Do we truly trust that His timing is the best?

If we really trust God’s timing then we will view singleness as a God-ordained season of our lives.

9. Timing If you are still single - make full use of your time. 1 Corinthians 7:32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs— how he can please the Lord. Break the mentality of being in need of a partner. Enjoy your season of singleness ! Trust God’s timing and enjoy singleness as a gift from God. Serve Him with your whole being.

9. Timing Every relationship follows an Intimacy Triangle Apex (sexual consummation)

Intimacy Triangle

A Practical Guide to Courtship A typical male Singaporean 16 years

Complete Secondary Education

18 years

Complete Pre-University

20.5 years

Complete Army

23.5 years

Complete University

26 years

Career Established/Marrying Age

A Practical Guide to Courtship 1 Corinthians 7 8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried,as I am. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry,for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Pace your relationship wisely

BGR Flowchart Specify your Ideal partner

START Know your mission statement no

Carry out fact finding and profiling

yes

Pray END Get married yes

Attend counselling no

no Talk to parents, pastors, godly counsel yes

yes Communicate with your partner no

10. The Principle of the Well Where can you find desirable men and women? Abraham, Jacob, and Moses all found their spouses at wells. Isaac's wife Rebekah was also found at a well. In the Old Testament, the WELL was the most common place to meet one's spouse.

10. The Principle of the Well Where is the well today? The well is a place: - where people are refreshed - where you can find water - of rest

John 4:6 Jacob's well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well…

Today's "Well” is the Church The best place to look for a future mate is in the Church.

10. The Principle of the Well Where is the well today? Pursue the knowledge of God and the purposes of His Kingdom.

As you serve the Lord at the "well", your "Rebekahs", "Rachels" and "Zipporahs” will come along.

10. The Principle of the Well Adam was at rest when Eve came along! Genesis 2:21-22 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

As you serve and wait, your mind and spirit should be at rest.

Conclusion Never undermine your own faithbelieve God for a future mate. Enjoy the relationships you have in the Church

Purity Vow In obedience to God and out of a motivation of true love, I pledge to abstain from sexual activity and maintain my purity from now on and into marriage. I submit myself to God and the sanctifying power of His Holy Spirit to help me maintain this commitment. In Jesus’ Name and for His glory, I sincerely make this commitment. Amen.

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Amin Betty G H

Charles Demi

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Erric Frederika