Cute But Vicious

CUTE BUT VICIOUS by Barbara J. Olexer It is a lovely afternoon in Golden Gate Park. The sun is shining so the morning mist has burned off and it is pleasantly warm. The Seventh Fleet is home so there are lots of sailors everywhere in San Francisco, including the park. This particular afternoon, four friends are strolling in the park, enjoying the flora and fauna, including the sailors. Of these four friends, one is sweet and very nice. One is rather dull but really very nice. One of them is very nice, albeit quite crazed. And the other one is cute, but vicious. Stella is a student at the San Francisco Academy of Art. She has a backpack slung over one shoulder and from it peers a teddy bear named Kulur. He is Stella’s mentor and constant companion. Stella is young, red-headed, and very pretty. Kulur is light brown

and very interested in everything that goes on around him, although he tends to be cynical about what he sees. Mim is Stella’s mother; why she is called Mim instead of Mom has been lost in the mists of antiquity. She answers to several other names, including Margaret, Margie, Madge, Grandma, and Marge. She would answer to Ms. Fitzgerald, too, only no one ever calls her that. Mim is round and carries a large handbag, open at the top, from which plush and perky Chipmunk Man peeks out at the world. Chipmunk Man is very curious and rather mischievous. “Stella, wait a minute,” puffs Mim. Stella turns and stops, looking at Mim to see what she wants. “Is this a foot race or a pleasure expedition?” demands Mim. “I’m sorry, Mim. I forgot about your bunions. Do you want to stop and rest somewhere?” “Sure. How about getting a cup of tea in the Japanese Garden?” “Good idea,” Stella agrees. The four friends go into the garden and sit down at a table. There are a number of others already seated. Two sailors are sitting at the next table and they smile at Stella and Mim, who smile back at them. Mim looks around at the garden, admiring the little red humpbacked bridge and the trees and bushes and streamlets. “This is nice,” she says. “It’s so cool and beautiful.” Stella sets her backpack on a bench so Kulur Bear is facing the table. Mim sets her handbag on the bench beside her and Chipmunk Man twitches his tail excitedly at all the new sights and smells. The waitress brings tea and a plate of small cookies. Mim notices that the two sailors are trying to entice a squirrel to their table by holding out bits of cooky. “We can walk through the garden, if you want to,” Stella says. Kulur Bear helps himself to a cooky. “I’d love to,” Mim says. “I haven’t seen anything this pretty since I left Oregon.” “Okay, good.” “Excuse me, may I have a drink, please?” asks Kulur politely. 2

“Oh, I’m sorry, Kulur,” exclaims Stella, handing him her tea cup. “I don’t see why we have to share a cup always. Why can’t I have my own?” Kulur complains. No one notices that Chipmunk Man scampers out of Mim’s handbag and over to the two sailors. They delightedly feed him cookies. “Well, Kulur, it’s just that not many people understand about bears and they think it so odd when I order tea for my teddy bear.” “That’s stupid,” says Kulur scornfully. “I know but that’s the way people are,” says Mim, hoping to soothe him down. “Well, I don’t like it. What if Stella has some disgusting human disease and I catch it from her?” “You’re being very rude, Kulur Bear. Next time I don’t think I’ll bring you at all,” says Stella. “Can I have another cooky?” asks Kulur, ignoring Stella’s comments. Mim gives him a pink cooky. “Where’s Chipmunk Man, Mim?” asks Stella. “He’s probably hungry and thirsty, too.” “Of course he is. I hadn’t forgotten him, I was waiting for the tea to cool so it wouldn’t burn him. Chipmunk Man? Are you hungry?” Mim picks up a cooky and holds it over her handbag. She sees that Chipmunk Man is gone. “Oh, no, Stella, Chipmunk Man is gone.” Stella jumps up and looks around wildly. “Gone? I hope he hasn’t been kidnapped. Kidnapped? Chipmunknapped. Chipnapped?” “People,” says Kulur, shaking his head sorrowfully. “Chipmunk Man is fine,” he announces. “He’s conning those two sailors out of cookies.” Mim and Stella look around and see Chipmunk Man on the sailors’ table. 3

“So he is. We’d better…” Mim suggests. Stella rushes over to the sailors. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize Chipmunk Man had deserted us. Chipmunk Man, you come back here. You mustn’t annoy these nice sailormen.” “He’s not annoying us, Miss,” says the sailor with the curly brown hair. “Not at all,” chimes in the sailor with the blue eyes and the dimple. “He’s the cutest little cuss.” “Thanks,” says Stella. “Yes, he’s cute, but vicious,” she adds darkly. “Vicious? Surely not,” the curly-haired sailor says. Stella picks Chipmunk Man up. “Come on, Chipmunk Man, we’d better go back now. Thank you for taking care of him,” she says to the sailors. “Our pleasure, Miss,” says the dimpled sailor. Stella takes Chipmunk Man back and hands him to Mim. “Nice-looking boys, aren’t they?” Mim remarks. Stella nods. “Yes, they’re nice. Well, are you ready to see the garden?” “Sure.” Stella slings her backpack over her shoulder and Mim puts Chipmunk Man in her handbag. “No more running off, Chipmunk Man. Be nice, like Kulur,” admonishes Mim. The four friends walk through the Japanese Garden, enjoying it immensely. They meet the two sailors again and exchange nods and smiles. They stop on a bridge and watch the water trickle through some bushes into a tiny pond. “What next?” Stella asks Mim. “The beach? The DeYoung Museum? The Dead Animal Museum?” “I don’t know. I’m not much in the mood for acres of pictures. And I’d rather go to the beach this evening, when it’s cool. I guess we might as well see the Dead Animal Museum.”

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“Okay. There’s a new exhibit from New Zealand or New Guinea, I forget which. Anyway, it’s about headhunters.” “Have you already seen it?” asks Mim. “Yes, but I’d like to see it again. One of my teachers designed the backgrounds and painted them and I didn’t have time to really examine them last time I was here.” “All right, the Dead Animal Museum it is.” They leave the Japanese Garden and walk to the Museum of Natural History. Inside are security guards and lots of visitors. Stella leads the way directly to the African Room and they look at displays of dead gorillas, dead antelopes, and many other dead African animals. Chipmunk Man takes one horrified look and burrows to the bottom of Mim’s handbag. He’s a little paranoid and fears that Stella has brought him here to donate him to one of the displays. Kulur Bear is saddened by the death all around him. Mim walks behind Stella and notices that Kulur is crying. “Oh, Kulur, I’m sorry,” Mim exclaims. “This is very thoughtless of us.” Stella stops and Mim takes Kulur out of the backpack and holds him against her shoulder, patting him. “What’s the matter?” Stella asks, then sees that Kulur is upset. “Oh, I never thought of that. Poor Kulur.” Stella pats Kulur consolingly. “We’re sorry. We’ll go in the other room.” “And you call Chipmunk Man vicious,” Kulur says accusingly. “We said we’re sorry,” Stella says, leading the way into the Special Display Room. They walk along, looking interestedly at the displays of shrunken heads and other artifacts. “Are those really people’s heads?” Kulur Bear wants to know. Stella takes Kulur from Mim and they examine some shrunken heads. “Yes, they are really people’s heads,” Stella says. “They are cleverly shrunken and disguised to look like plastic but they are really human heads.”

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“Hey, Chipmunk Man,” Kulur calls. “Come out and look. Dead people.” “Kulur, not so loud,” Stella cautions. “People are staring.” Mim puts her hand in her handbag but withdraws it quickly with a cry of pain and dismay. She puts her finger in her mouth and hops up and down. “Shhhh, Mim, people are staring,” Kulur says. “I can’t help it,” Mim wails, “Chipmunk Man bit me.” “Bit you? Why?” asks Stella. “I expect he’s scared,” offers Kulur Bear. “Oh, poor little Chipmunk Man,” says Mim, calming down. “He is not,” says Stella. “Kulur, you’re such a big fibber. Chipmunk Man isn’t afraid of anything.” She bends down and speaks into Mim’s handbag, “Chipmunk Man? Chipmunk Man, come on out, we’re not going to leave you here. We’re not even going to leave Kulur Bear here.” Chipmunk Man cautiously pokes his head up and looks first at Stella and Kulur, then at Mim. Reassured, he clambers to the top of the handbag and looks around. He sees the shrunken heads and looks pleased. Stella carefully examines the backgrounds while Mim finds a bench and sits down. Chipmunk Man climbs out of the handbag and scampers across the room to get a closer look at the shrunken heads. A small girl sees him and delightedly reaches down to pick him up. Chipmunk Man sees his peril just in time to run away but then he is nearly stepped on by a man who doesn’t see him. Confused by all the people and the noise, Chipmunk Man dodges around the huge room and out into the lobby. “Stella,” Mim calls, “Chipmunk Man is running away. He went into the lobby.” Stella takes out after the little rodent. Kulur Bear in her arms yells at him to stop. Mim eases her shoes back on and gallops after them. Stella is just in time to see Chipmunk Man race out the door and Mim is just in time to see Stella follow him. They all run down

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the steps, except Mim, who hurries as fast as she can. At length they come to a quiet pond. A flock of mallard ducks floats lazily on the water and there are a few people sitting on benches watching the ducks and each other. The two sailors from the Japanese Garden are hunkered down at the edge of the water studying the ducks. “What kind of ducks are they?” One sailor asks the other. “Mallards.” “What else?” “That’s all, just mallards.” “Listen, just because you’re from the country and I’m from the city, it doesn’t mean I’m ignorant. Now some of these ducks have green heads and pretty feathers and some of them are kind of speckledy brown. They can’t all be one kind of ducks.” “With birds, the female of the species is always plain while the males are bright colored. All these ducks are mallards.” “Oh, yeah? Well, I’m going to look it up first chance I get and if you’re feeding me a line of bull…” Chipmunk Man scampers between the two sailors, sees the water and stops. Stella and Kulur Bear come racing up with Mim puffing along behind. “Excuse me,” says Stella to the sailors. “Did you happen to see a chipmunk come by here? Oh, hi. I didn’t recognize you for a minute, there.” One of the sailors points down and says, “Hi. Yeah, he’s here.” Stella smiles at the sailors. “Thanks. Chipmunk Man, come on.” She hands Kulur to Mim and gets down on her hands and knees to coax Chipmunk Man out of the tules where he’s peering out at her. He finally comes out and lets Stella pick him up. They say goodbye to the sailors and walk along the edge of the pond until they come to a vacant bench. Mim’s bunions hurt and she is out of breath from all that hurrying so she plumps herself down, holding Kulur Bear on her lap. Stella and Chipmunk Man sit down beside Mim. Suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, Stella hurls Chipmunk Man at Mim. He hits the side of her head and 7

clings there, looking extremely astonished and dazed. Mims turns to Stella in amazement. Stella smiles wickedly. “He jumped,” Stella says. Although she could not prove it, Mim had her own opinion as to which of her companions was cute but vicious.

copyright 1989

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