Conflict Resolution, 6 Simple Steps

Edition 004

Learning Tree

Management Insights Expert Advice from Today’s Top Professionals How to Respond to Conflict Effectively and Achieve a Lasting Resolution (in Six Simple Steps!) Conflict is unavoidable. Unfortunately, conflict is often frightening as well, so the result is that many people avoid dealing with it until it reaches extreme levels. However, if dealt with early on and properly, a collaborative resolution can be achieved that is satisfying—and even enhancing—to each of the parties involved. This is true even for personal conflicts where it seems almost inevitable that someone is going to lose, be hurt or both.

A Case Study Mark is the vice president of sales at a successful information technology company with an assistant, Shirley, who has worked for him for several years. Because Mark is on the road frequently, he has to explain to Shirley what he wants done before leaving. However, Shirley still calls Mark on the road frequently, asking for instructions. Even with those telephone interventions, Mark finds that he has to correct Shirley’s work when he returns. Mark wants to fire Shirley but avoids doing that because she is so well liked, not only by Mark but also by the rest of the staff. While it might seem impossible, a simple six-step process enabled Mark and Shirley to achieve a lasting resolution they are both happy with.

Cheryl Eckl Successfully Engaging Your Audience Using a Five-Step Targeted Presentation MethodTotalPros, Inc.

This month in Management Insights, personal coach and professional facilitator Cheryl Eckl provides readers with a recipe for conflict resolution that, when followed correctly, delivers a positive outcome for all parties involved.

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Learning Tree

Edition 004

Management Insights

Expert Advice from Today’s Top Professionals Responding to Conflict Applying the Process Step 1: Begin with Me. In any conflict situation, both parties must begin by asking some personal questions: What am I feeling about this situation? What have I contributed to the conflict? What do I believe about this situation? You can begin answering these questions by identifying the Facts, Patterns and Consequences that are involved. In this particular case, Mark was frustrated by the recurring pattern of giving Shirley an assignment, getting calls from her for directions, and having to provide additional guidance, a process that also left Shirley upset. The consequences were poor results, lost productivity for both Mark and Shirley, and resentment from her co-workers who often had to help out Shirley. Step 2: Diagnosing the Problem. Often, even the parties involved don’t understand why the conflict exists. This is where it’s important to understand everyone’s Perspectives. In this case, both Mark and Shirley were frustrated with the other’s behaviour. Surprisingly, Shirley had great fondness for Mark and wanted to continue working for him. Therefore, this conflict is actually about two people with contradictory work styles, very different comfort zones, and an inability to communicate their preferences. Mark’s priority was results; Shirley’s was relationships. What she needed was a job that included lots of personal interaction. Regardless of what Mark said about his affection for Shirley, what he wanted was as little interaction as possible. As is often the case, the disconnect between stated outcomes and actual interests was unconscious, making it even more difficult for either party to change. The diagnosis made it possible for Mark and Shirley to move on to the next step… Step 3: Making It Safe to Cooperate. Both parties involved must give up any interest in revenge or in hurting the other person. Part of ‘making it safe’ can include having the parties meet in a safe environment with a neutral referee. Once Mark understood that Shirley wasn’t being malicious, he let go of his frustration and stopped blaming her. Shirley understood she needed a manager who valued her skills, not a whole new skill set. They both became genuinely interested in finding Shirley a new position where she could succeed. The two met in a neutral space (a conference room) with a facilitator to brainstorm options for a creative solution. Step 4: Making the Connection.

This step enables all parties to understand how their individual problems are related and how they share interests. Here we also identify the Meanings behind actions and emotions. Shirley said she

wanted to improve her skills so that environment would be more beneficial to all. However, if Shirley improved her ability to work proactively without frequent calls to Mark, her daily interaction with Mark would decrease. In their meeting, Mark and Shirley made two lists on a whiteboard that expressed what each of them would prefer in a supervisor/assistant relationship and looked for shared interests. The top interest they shared was a desire to work with someone who had a similar working style. With this information, they were ready to move on to resolving the issue.

Step 5: You Say You Want a Resolution. Once all the parties understand their shared interests, they can generate options to help each other achieve those interests. Along with the critical element of Rewards, the Priorities, Outcomes and Interests of each individual must be acknowledged. In this case, Mark and Shirley generated options to help each other achieve those interests. The option that worked out for them turned out to be a receptionist/assistant position opening in the HR department. This position would give Shirley the human interaction she wanted and excelled at. Mark now knew what skills and temperament were paramount for his assistant and could provide HR with a better description of what he needed for Shirley’s replacement. Now all that was left to do was… Step 6: Formalize the Agreement. In the final step, all parties participate in creating a contract that describes any further action items, their roles and responsibilities, the terms of success, and the consequences for nonperformance. This contract should include follow-up procedures should conflicts arise again. Finalizing the agreement was easy for Mark and Shirley: Mark was able to thank Shirley for her hard work and offered a letter of recommendation that would help her in any future job search. They agreed that their subsequent interactions would be friendlier (Mark), more professional (Shirley) and that they both could help each other understand the perspective of co-workers with different working styles. They could even congratulate each other on doing what few people are willing to do: Work through a conflict situation to find common ground and achieve a satisfying resolution for both of them.

About the Author

Cheryl Eckl is a facilitator, speaker and personal coach. Her company, TotalPros, Inc., works with individuals and teams to achieve creative solutions for both interpersonal and business problems. She is author of Learning Tree’s course 904, “Responding to Conflict” and coauthor of course 244, “Assertiveness Skills.” [email protected]

1-800-843-8733 OR VISIT www.learningtree.ca CALL

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