Chot Dove Prints Jan 09 Revised

January 2009

Dove Prints

Volume 14, Issue 1

A publication by Community Hospice of Texas and affiliate, Providence Hospice

January Grief Support Activities Fort Worth

Dallas

Grief Support Group When: 5 Week Series. - Every Tuesday beginning January 6th, 6:00 p.m. Where: Community Hospice of Texas Fort Worth Office 6100 Western Place, Suite 500

Grief Support Group When: 5 Week Series. - Every Tuesday beginning January 6th, 6:30 p.m. Where: Community Hospice of Texas Dallas Office 1341 W. Mockingbird, Suite 210 E

Please call 817-882-1252 to let us know you will be attending or for further information

Please call 214-920-8450 to let us know you will be attending or for further information

Birthday Breakfast Club When: First Monday of the Month (January 5th), 9:00am - 10:30 am Where: Ol’ South Pancake House 1509 S University Dr, Fort Worth Everyone is invited. Come join us for coffee, breakfast, and friendship.

Waco Walk/Sit at the Mall When: Each Tuesday at 9:00 a.m. Join us at the Food Court to walk or just sit and drink coffee and socialize. Grief Support Group When: Second Thursday of each month 5:30 to 7:00 p.m. Where: Providence Hospice 4839 Lakewood Drive, Suite 2, Waco

Walk/Sit at the Mall When: Every Wednesday, 9:00 to 10:30 a.m Where: Hulen Mall Food Court (close to Dairy Queen) Come join us to walk or just sit and talk, drink coffee and socialize.

Bring your favorite game and Join us for for a time of socializing and games.

Lunch Club When: Fourth Tuesday of each month (January 27th) 11:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. Where: Ryan’s Steak House 1501 S Cherry Ln, Fort Worth

Rainbows Rainbows is a support group for children K thru 12 grades. This group is for children who have experienced a loss either by death or divorce. Please call 254-399-9099 for more information.

Mexia

Bereavement Support Group When: Each Wednesday from 5:30-6:30 p.m. Where: Providence Hospice 4830 Lakewood Dr., Suite 2, Waco

Lunch Bunch When: First and Third Tuesday of each month (January 6th & January 19th) 12:00 to 1:00 p.m. Where: First Tuesday- The Farm House Restaurant 810 E. Milam, Mexia Third Tuesday - Magic China Restaurant 701 N. Hwy. 14, Mexia

Contact Amy Raborn at 254-399-9099 or 1-800-625-9328 to register.

1

WHEN THERE ARE NO SIGNS By: Rev. Dr. Richard B. Gilbert, Bereavement Magazine Jan./Feb. 2001 I have very fond memories of the two small grocery stores in my town on Staten Island. In my childhood day I formed such special stories and impressions, and those two stores were investments in people and the community. I wasn’t aware of prices, of course, but I knew I could walk to the store for my mother and if they didn’t have what I needed, they knew what I needed. It was a rare event (we always stopped to smell the coffee) to drive two towns over to the A & P. Now, there are these super stores that sell everything. They blend grocery store, butcher shop, florist, hardware and pharmacy. I can’t seem to find a thing. What’s worse, they seem to do everything wrong. By my logic, dairy products, frozen foods and produce should all be together, the last things in the cart before checking out. The dairy products and produce are at opposite ends of the store and the frozen goods are right in the middle of the store. No sense about it at all. Last week the nightmare became an impossibility. Not only were they re-arranging half the stock, the only markers I could rely on (the signs hanging over each aisle) had been removed. I was lost in a wilderness of jars, cans and boxes with my shopping list vibrating in my trembling hand. Four little items, a quick trip to the store, but the event went on forever. Lists/needs. Locations/sanctuaries. Signs/spiritual connections. These are the ingredients or points of connection for all of us on our spiritual journeys, even though each of us experiences them differently. We approach our spiritual journey, and our religious expressions and communities with many needs. At the store, it was milk, bread and one tomato. For the spiritual side of life it is about peace, hope, forgiveness and something that hints of sense or purpose in the madness of life. We go to grocery stores for food, and we go to the sanctuaries of our faith to meet others who seem to share our experiences and maybe understand a little bit. A religious leader is present with us to teach, to guide and to minister. Signs, much like the ones hanging over aisles in the store, point the way to the Transcendent One, or to that which transcends our moment and predicament, to point the way. What does this say to all of us in our sorrow as we come to terms with a loss? Loss, and our need to mourn, is a very spiritual experience. Our lists vary 2

(justice, anger, fear, loneliness, peace), but we all have them. They may not appear very godly to some, but they are the markers of our grief, and they are the points where we both hurt and will find ultimate healing. We seek out community. It may be at a church, mosque or synagogue, a support group, a social club or a network of friends. It is that gathering where we feel safe (that is what sanctuary means) to be ourselves and to unfold our stories and our needs. In a sense, it is the place where we hand over our list and “bag the products” of comfort, care and healing. The spiritual path is where we look for signs, symbols of trust and hope that tell us we won’t hurt this badly forever, that someone or Someone is listening to us, and that there is a thin thread holding us together when everything seems to be falling apart. We need places and people to discuss the depths of the spiritual challenge when the spiritual piece of our story is a mixed blessing. We all have times when we walk in and the stock has been rearranged, it makes even less sense than before, and the signs that we have always trusted are gone. For many, our loss experiences are rubbed raw by an almost deeper loss, the sense that we have lost our spiritual roots and resources. For some of us, it emerges from simple things…the minister who may do a good funeral, but knows nothing about grief (at least that is the message we get from his or her distancing). It may be the congregation members who act like everyone else and just don’t seem to understand or care. Maybe the words and rituals seem empty. As one friend reminded me, “Every time I go to church, the only thing I see is the casket. That is too much to bear right now.” For others, however, the loss that they have experienced may seem like “make believing,” and belief may seem impossible. How does one believe in a comforting shepherd when a bullet kills his child on the way to school? How do you hear stories about prayer when you feel your prayers went unanswered? What meaning do healing stories have when your loved one fought the horrors of cancer and succumbed? Are you trying to “live” with someone “living” with Alzheimer’s disease? How can you listen to comments about God’s plan of salvation” when a loved one just committed suicide? (continued on page 3)

WHEN THERE ARE NO SIGNS (continued from page 2) These rough waters do come, and they are heightened by the grasp of our losses. You can and will survive, though you may find some of your spiritual beliefs and practices rewritten or very cautiously expressed. You may be hard pressed to find someone who will listen. Many clergy or religious leaders are under-trained in matters of grief and do not know how to stay personally comfortable with these penetrating hurts that also lash out at the beliefs they represent. Your feelings are valid and so is your right to spiritual peace and well being. I believe I can also speak for Rabbi Grollman and Father Phillips, the other writer of this column, when I say that suffering does not come from God, and that the genuineness of your beliefs and practices come from your heart and not just from the imposition of others. We would all agree that as hard as it may be at the moment, to believe in God’s love, or even in God, you are loved, you are precious, and there is a pathway to healing and trusting again. If the people in your religious community seem less than helpful (some may surprise you, if given a chance!), contact the chaplain at your local hospital or the people at your community hospice. They will know safe places (sanctuary) and people who will accept you, affirm you and listen to all of your concerns and questions (even the tough ones). Even if praying sees empty right now, remember it is still conversation and connection. Seek spiritual direction. The local super grocery has restored the signs and stopped moving the stock around. My list is a little longer (maybe I am risking to stay with it a little longer), and I will survive. So will you. You will continue to believe or perhaps believe again. Blessing for your journey.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

The Empty Chair

By: Linda Gilman Bereavement Magazine Jan/Feb 2002 We’ll see you in the sunset on a coral cloud. A reminder of the sunshine you brought to all our lives. You will put a brighter rainbow way up there in our skies. Your remembered smile and laughter will chase away our tears. You’ll dine at God’s great table arranging the affair, While at our loving tables, there will be an empty chair. Your love will stay within us in the memories we share. Hands and hearts touching, forever you’ll be there. Someday we’ll all understand why you’re no longer here. When we meet around God’s table, there will be no empty chair.

By: Cecelia T. Perciballi-Clayton, Bereavement Magazine Jan/Feb 2001 Do you know what you have taught me? Do you know what I have learned? Do you know how you have changed me? Do you know how I go on? There are incredible voids in life. There comes an overwhelming sadness. There are the tremendous gifts of love and of sharing; there are the deepest pains of loss and suffering. I have learned that I see more with an open heart than with open eyes, and it is when I feel like I have hit the bottom, that I find the roots and foundations that hold me together. When it looks like I have gone nowhere, I find myself in unknown territory. When I am too tired to go further, somehow I am guided to a new beginning, and the distance between the flames of a bonfire and the stars that dance among the pine trees is nothing. The God I thought I knew is not the one whom I have come to know. More can be accomplished in remaining still than in all the movement I might try. A moment can seem an eternity, and a lifetime is never long enough. Love does more than endure, love becomes the strength that keeps me alive. I can love beyond the physical and feel comforted by love that is no longer spoken. I hear clearly words that are unspoken and am guided by wisdom from beyond. When I think I am ready, I find that I have more to learn. (continued page 4)

3

RANDOM THOUGHTS (continued from page 3) Tears will never stop, and memories are never forgotten; laughter can happen; peace can reign. Darkness provides illumination, and light can be blinding. Passion never leaves us, it merely changes form. Friends can mean well and hurt deeply, and strangers understand what they don’t know. When I open my arms for a hug, and no one steps in, then I must remember how to love myself, and I am capable of doing so. I cannot take away another’s pain, I can only allow myself to be present with the pain. I cannot create the healing, I can only encourage the desire to do so. I cannot convince another that it will be better, only that it will be different. The most difficult thing to do is to do nothing…more is spoken with silence than with words. I still get angry and annoyed, but I know now the worst that can happen – until the next time – and so I try to let the “little things” slide away. I am more patient and more kind, less tolerant of ignorance, but more willing to understand. I know that I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of an individual who is lost. What I was so sure of is no longer, and things that I thought I forgot now come back to me as truths. True reality is not tangible and often not logical. When I least want to participate in life, life presents me with the most beautiful gifts. There are gifts that I give that I never knew I possessed, and gifts I receive come unexpectedly and without ribbons or bows. Sometimes life seems unfair and unjust, yet it is all we have to work with. Sometimes it feels like it is too much effort to go on living, yet to give up is betrayal. Courage takes many forms and to be “strong” can seem so very weak. Pain strengthens, love heals, life is, sharing helps, the source of peace is in turmoil, joys surprise us, there is more, there is different, there is the legacy that nurtures, there is hope. These are the random thoughts of a griever, a lover, a helper, a teacher, a student and a friend.

Providence Hospice, Mexia 107 E. Commerce Street Mexia , TX 76667 Tel: (254) 472-0779 Toll Free: (866) 279-4728 Providence Hospice, Waco 4830 Lakewood Drive, Suite 2 Waco , TX 76710 Tel: (254) 399-9099 Toll Free: (800) 625-9328 Community Hospice of Texas, Dallas 1341 W. Mockingbird Ln. Ste 210E Dallas, Texas 75247 Tel: (214) 920-8450 Toll Free: (800) 275-9393

Dove Prints

Emery J. Lilge Hospice House 301 Medpark Circle Burleson , TX 76028 Tel: (817) 615-2150 The Community Hospice of Texas Hospice House Downtown 1111 Summit Avenue Fort Worth , TX 76102 Tel: (817) 870-9995 Community Hospice of Texas, Cleburne 1208 West Henderson Street, Suite B Cleburne , TX 76033-8773 Tel: (817) 556-3100 Toll Free: (800) 544-9899 Community Hospice of Texas, Fort Worth 6100 Western Place, Suite 500 Fort Worth , TX 76107 Tel: (817) 870-2795 Toll Free: (800) 226-0373

Founding Members: Arlington Memorial Hospital, Harris Methodist Fort Worth, Huguley Memorial Health System, Providence Healthcare Network

Non-Profit Organization U.S. POSTAGE PAID Fort Worth, TX Permit No. 2687