Chapter One Sorrows Of Betrayal For Twenty Two Years She

CHAPTER ONE SORROWS OF BETRAYAL For twenty two years she considered us soul mates... I thought so too; but as we grew into different rhythms of life’s challenges, I discovered that forever was not enough time to spend with her. The melodies of life’s daily living and existing were dictating the steps to this great dance. A distanced dance between two hearts that once celebrated the embodiments of human relationship: this thing called love. It only took her forty five days to turn her hurt and pain into brutal resentment. I left her at the alter of mistrust, betrayal and deceit. I betrayed her. "Jonathan if anyone had told me you would cheat on me 24 hours before you told me about Eda, I would have told the person to go jump a cliff". She lamented that night that I confessed to her and told her about Eda. Eda is the by-product of detoured secret affairs... Since I returned from Johannesburg, I've been blazing through circles of life: just last week, mama Zee, my wife of twenty two years said she preferred I did not visit our daughters regularly until such a time that would make her comfortable to tolerate my presence ...I am emotionally at the bottom of a pond, drenching in the clay mud and trying to swim back up.... Two years ago, I confessed to her about my extra curricular sexual affairs which had produced a wonderful little empress named Eda...That night, her body jolted from the confessions of a cheating soul-mate. She would later tell me that her first reaction to my tales of cheating on her was to stab me while I was asleep that night. She just could not bring her pains to killing a helpless sleeping cheat. That night, she gave me a chance to live-to-tell and seek forgiveness. The next day she almost crashed her car on the highway returning from work. "Why did you do this to me?” She cried, silently. I hid this part of my secret life from Mama Zee for seven years.

Why would men cheat on their spouses or significant others? The reasons differ in each trauma. Feelings are unfair. I leave that conversation to you....Just live and learn. During the next few months after I told her about Eda, we tried to reconcile with my dishonesty to a hurt wrecked soul, but our daily lives had been shattered by these confessions. She was engulfed by the pain, betrayal and deceit of a husband that went out to experiment on variety of unflavored life. I did not know that this experience would harm her horribly. I never intended to hurt her. I just went out to fulfill the denials of desire to an appetite starving and wanting. I accepted my weaknesses and responsibilities for the mistakes of the moment. I tendered sincere apologies and asked for forgiveness while reassuring her that my love was as steady as sunrise from the east: but apologies were not able to help heal a grieving soured soul and her once-passionate- affection for me..... Everyday, she was tortured by the echoes of my confessions. She struggled daily with letting me out the house and saving a long time marriage. She was torn between forgiveness and living with a cheater. Papa’s death was a severe jab at an ageing brain. I found the life in me extinguished by the guilt of losing dad and not being there to witness his last days on earth. I also had to come to terms that I may have overstayed in God's own country....America gave all and within a twinkle of an early morning rising sun, eclipsed all it gave. It was fast, furious and ferocious. When I returned from Johannesburg, I met a changed Mama Zee: a charred and wicked soul determined to humiliate me with misery. So here I stand; no wife, no children, and no home. I

am barely living and existing with a heart laden with scarred pains of deceit and sorrows of betrayal. Tomorrow is another day...... Dear good friends that care for me urged me to give an eighteen year marriage another chance. They encouraged a second attempt at reconciliation. My friends bluntly told me I had messed up the sanctity of my marriage by spreading my joy around a different female. I guessed they were right... I love my friends and I was willing to respect their time and efforts in trying to resolve the fading marriage. So for a second time I went to my wife to tender my apologies, seek forgiveness and accept responsibility for this wreck. I got the same answer: NO. I had to live with the break-up and loss of my family, the loss of the privilege to watch my daughters daily random musings over mundane trivialities of life and beautiful nonsense...Such quarrels that make a dad sit, ignore their silly rantings and thank God they are growing to assert their independence. I missed those days. It was one of those friends that asked me to read the postings on her face book.: I reluctantly decided to check her and what I found was inappropriate: I emailed my concerns to her with regards to raunchy postings and our children reading mama’s wall.. The new media and the social networks are like free concert halls with different performers, as such anyone with access to the computer may join the party, anyone: that included our wonderful children: what if they read what mama was posting on her walls?. I urged her to exercise some decency in her postings because our children would be influenced by mama's wall chants. Come see fire from hell....Her rage almost melted my bone marrow: she accused me of attempted murder for having extra marital affairs without protection the same time she was few months pregnant. What if I had brought back a sexually transmitted disease and infected her during pregnancy: That would have hurt and killed the baby. She argued. How did we get here...I should have walked away from love twenty two years ago...I never intended to hurt a soulmate. I did not wish to raise my children in dysfunctional family nightmare: a smashed family where the head of the family, father, was always absent as a result of separation, divorce, in jail or that dad just walked away. I did not wish these circumstances on my innocent children. It was an amazing once-upon a- long time: That night belonged to the boys. After watching reggae superstar Shaba Ranks at a club concert, we decided to end the night in one of the plushy night clubs in this town. My wife later told me that as soon as I walked into the club, she told her girlfriend that I was her future husband. I did not know that two women, sitting at the bar and looking towards the club entrance would be racing to touch my linen rag....her friend said she wanted me too. So they both decided that whoever touched my shirt first had me. I innocently approached the bar to begin dozes of booze; she squeezed my shirt. I never noticed because the bar was crowded. She would secretly monitor my movement inside the club throughout the night; at times, stalking me, and at other times, walking past where I was sitting or chatting with other females. She stood in my front, gazing and hoping I would make eye contact with her. Man, I was busy spreading my joy around the club. While waiting for Anthony’s last dance with a decent lady that night, Mama Zee was dancing with another man but kept trying to get my attention. Anthony was my roommate. Each time I looked towards the dance floor, our eyes locked and she smiled. At the end of her dance, I asked her to come over...she did and I told her she was sexually harassing me with her stare. I was going to sue her. She said she would be happy to find me a lawyer at her firm. We exchanged numbers and I told her I would call at 2p.m next day. She whispered after hearing my accent: "another

fucking foreigner"...Next day I called at exactly 2p.m... That was twenty two years ago.... Days were blasting away intensely. This day, some would win. Some would lose. Some would stand by the busy street corners, chant and sing. Others wailed. Tears dropped for the sudden death of a relative, a friend and or a child who did not make it past the first twenty four seconds in life. Here I am, sitting comfortably in the living room of what used to be my primary home, fighting over remote control of the damn television with my children. I thought I was still the head of household until my wife reminded me that I was no longer welcome to run around in the living room...I am now a stranger to a mortgaged home. My freedom in my primary domicile had been restricted. To add spice to a tasteless life, I was asked to surrender the keys to our house. I could no longer come easy and go easy to this place called home. Mama Zee told me she needed time and space to move on to a new life. Access to our house denied: I wondered what may have suddenly turned her into this oracle of hate...even grandmother said "oh!; no she cannot do this to you". I shrugged and once again accepted this disdain. Do I blame her.? This was the fallout from a freestyle sexual adventure. What went wrong? My sexual trials with another blond that dropped a butterfly: do I deserve to march through this and allow her to emotionally break me down. She already feared I may drop dead in the street and waiting anxiously for a call from the coroner’s office to identify my body. I told her, I may be miserable, but I am not going to exit miserably. Mama Zee was a changed woman. She said she had found a new vitality and perhaps free spirit to face the next life as s a single parent. She made me understood through a mutual friend that her life with me was like living in bondage: I did not know how I enslaved her. I always cherished her and tried to uplift her esteem and empower a weak soul with low self esteem. Severally she confessed she wished she had the kind of pride, fearlessness and glowing self esteem that was blessed me. She prayed that our children would be favored as they grew with my attitude towards life rather than her visions of living. She suddenly discovered her power to live and absorb all challenges life issued her when I traveled to bury dad: one of our dearest daughters contacted severe Flu and Mama Zee had to carry the burden of a sick little girl, alone and lonely. So by the time she got well, she had been through the carnage lessons of life! She was waiting and determined to tell me that having blazed through these moments in my absence; she was prepared and ready for all things that life may throw at her, at any given moment. She brewed hatred and by the time I returned, the hatred had fermented into resentment. The next day after I told her of my affair with another woman, Mama Zee raged down to the internet and began to read and research about spousal rendezvous. She became consumed by the postings of angry women whose spouses may have cheated on them. She even printed out one such article for me to read. Her pains marinated into a bitter despise for me. Her everyday became filled with endless morning tears during shower. Her make-ups could not hide a paled tormented face, streaming with tears of lies and deceit from a once trusted husband. The more she read from the postings of angry and betrayed victims of cheaters, the more palpable and hateful she seemed. But these postings never addressed why their spouses cheated. These angry women fuelled her anger which exploded to disgusting hatred for me. What these writings and or postings may not have said were why their husbands and or significant others cheated on them. What would make a happily married man cheat on his wife? If they knew that, our marriage was starved the necessary flavor to continuously lubricate our affection and passion for each other: that we had sex (not made love) about six times in a year for years: and

that I was the one that always initiated affectionate moments so as to be able to ask my wife for an explosive happy ending rendezvous. My advances were more rejected, for no reasons, than accepted; every time Mama Zee accepted, it was with reluctance, thus ending as a quickie on a couch. The dialogue could go either way; but I refused to discuss and blame any for the adventures into a fantasy island. What do you expect from a marriage that had no platonic and erotic engagement, a marriage that starved of the lotion to better romance understanding and human relationships: we were distanced, chased by the desires to protect and provide basic daily living and existing for the children and fuelled by a partner’s dislike for regular sexual escapade and affectionate moments with her spouse , thus daily dreams and imaginations of how good and pleasant it was to be emblazoned by her hot steamy physical engagement were just mere day dreaming: those moments that spouses shared sacredly and intimately were never there. My advances and romantic opportunities that would lead to happy endings were most times rejected by mama. How long do you expect me to walk with rejection and a hard-on that needed relief? I am human and you are. No matter how much you love your spouse, if your sexual life is not exciting, one of you would decide to seek adventures outside the realms of marriage. The human body is storage and when you reach a frustrated capacity, your soul becomes weak and you are willing, tempted and wanting to feel like a sweepstakes winner! I was at crossroads and when I arrived here, I was ready for all female bright, beautiful and ugly... Mama Zee had problems in her past relationships with men before she met me. She told me that her papa walking out on the family affected her past relationships. She was ten when her dad suddenly left and never came back. She was very close to him. He adored her. So for him to suddenly walk away from them, not contacting them, took a toll on her teenage and adult years. They were best friends. And he just walked away. She grew up without his love. No reasons. He never came back the rest of the seasons. It was many seasons ago and that crushed her personality and beautiful mind. I encouraged her to seek her papa. Through those years that we tried, papa never called or came –by. Mama Zee once said I was wasting my time by writing to her dad. She believed her papa would not respond to my mails. She was right. But I never gave up. I kept urging her to not give up. We traveled to her hometown one early spring. And on the evening of our arrival, I asked my brother in-law to drive me to papa’s house. We pulled in the drive-way hoping he would look through the window and sight us in the car. We never sighted papa. I encouraged Mama Zee not to be discouraged by papa’s absence all these years. His long absence and carelessness provided a vacuum. A vacuum filled with lies, innuendos and ignorant tales of papa by some family members. Her mother and the rest of the family had poisoned a young mind with sad stories of a father that abandoned her gracious daughters. And father had remained silent through the rumor years until few years ago. He emerged, thanks to her younger sister who maintained closed relationship with papa. Mama Zee’s pain and anger was that papa never called, saw her graduate and was never present in those few moments that life privileged us to celebrate an achievement. Through her sister, she learnt why papa left them: mother had cheated on him with his best friend! All these years mother had lied that father just left. The day she heard the news, she felt a jabbing stab in her ailing heart. All these years that her dad left was mother’s fault, yet she through the years told them that papa just walked away: her own mother had cheated on her father and now she was dealing with a cheating husband. Weeks later she decided to visit her father in the village. She returned to the village with the children and was able to engage her father for the first time in so many years. she hugged him. It was one of the

greatest stories Mama Zee ever told me as her husband. She said that the moment she hugged her dad after more than twenty six years of not seeing and or talking to him, she felt certain calmness in her nerves l. I encouraged her to go back and seek final reconciliation with papa. She had been running away from the past and it was time she let her anger and pains of the past begin to heal the present journey. She may never find peace within herself if she does not seek final reconciliation with her parents. She was angry that her father left: mad at mother for lying and cheating on papa while they were married. And hated me for having an extra marital affair that produced a baby girl. I pleaded she go Listen to her mother. Go to mother and hear her. It was time to celebrate her parents through healing, even though they had been apart all these years. Ipleaded with her not to judge her mother, but listen to mother’s side of the latest news with regards to cheating on papa; and why he had to abandon his family: mother needed help to find closure to years of painful burden. Mother may have been wishing and praying for the day and the right time for her daughters to come to her so that she may seek forgiveness and tell them why she did what she did. The day had come. She may be waiting for such opportunity and the chance was now, I begged her to “please do it.” Go share the past mistakes so that it may lead to tomorrow’s beautiful story of a family that for so long lived in perceptions, dictated by the norms of an imprisoned society. Share the past with mother by seeking the truth. Celebrate the present and live for the future. Learn to forgive her past now and appreciate the present. The meeting should not be a meet to determine who and what was wrong and right. It should not be a judgment meet. The family arrived at these confluences of life because no one ever cared to reconcile with the truth. For too long every member of the family believed in one sided story. It was time to tell the family that the coin had two sides: though both sides may be dirty, but there was still hope of better days and comfort for these sides. The family had been divided by these feuds and rumors: it could no longer wait to heal. It does not need any more permission from society or family members to heal itself. This family had multiplied and it was time to celebrate weaknesses and appreciate our strength, together. No need to be interested in what and who was wrong. I encouraged her that in this roadmap to reconciliation with her parents’ past, our children may be witnesses to these exciting events. They may not pay much attention, but as long as they are within the environment, it would be fine... It’s been so long, too long. She could not keep holding the past from herself. Mother had been there for Mama Zee and our children. She was not a bad woman. She may have lied to protect her family. Remember it was another time, another culture and another place. I said to Mama Zee to go to mother with hopeful heart and mind; have a one-on-one conversation with her and unconditionally. Mama Zee had been listening to one sided story since her papa left. She had partial truth, and she should embrace these two people: they are parents. Don’t be consumed by the fears of rejection by your parents. Stop waiting for your father to call. Pick up the phone and call him. Reach out to papa and share a day with him. Do not ask him why he left: Just tell him you missed him all these years and you want him to visit you and the children. Invite him to a weekend at your place with his grand children. Offer to come pick him up and drive him to the city to spend a weekend with you and the children. Do not be afraid of him saying NO to your invitation. It is not a rejection, Remember you may not know him anymore, so you must be willing to compromise with his new charm and character. He is your father and in him, through him you would be at peace with your future relationship.