Certainty Of Doubt

Certainty of Doubt It was getting late when Heyes and the Kid walked out of the saloon. The brown-haired outlaw smiled, and put his winnings in his shirt pocket. He turned his brown eyes on his blond companion and studied him momentarily. The Kid was edgy. No one else would notice, but Heyes knew his friend and knew he was upset but wouldn’t show it. “Hey Kid, whatcha worrying for? We’re doing OK. I’ve won a nice stake for us and we can head on out of town tomorrow, maybe head up to Denver for awhile. You like Denver.” The Kid stopped and turned abruptly to face his partner his blue eyes sparking with irritation. “You didn’t have to needle Hud like that. It’s enough that you won $515.76 from him. Well it would be enough for anyone else but not you. You humiliated him in front of his friends as well, and he’s over six feet and must be somewheres around three hundred pounds. The man is built like a house.” “First of all Kid, he was asking for it. I mean he kept betting on pairs. Kid who bets on a pair of twos anyway? And secondly, I humiliated him in front of his friend, not friends. He doesn’t appear to be the most popular man in town.” “He’s big and he’s dangerous, and so’s his friend.” Heyes gave his friend a fond engaging smile. “Ah Kid, you *do* worry too much.” He looked across the street at Bonnie Belle’s Gambling Establishment. “Hey Kid, we haven’t tried that one yet, c’mon, let’s go over there.” “Heyes, haven’t you had enough gambling for one day? You’ve been playing since this morning.” “Can’t get too much of a good thing.” He gave his friend a crooked smile turning towards him the face that launched a thousand ships. “Heyes, I am going back to the hotel, and you should too.” “Naw, I’ll play a little longer. See you in about an hour or three.” The Kid stared after his friend as he walked into Bonnie Belle’s. He *was* worried. Something didn’t feel right, and he almost followed Heyes. He shook his head, and decided that maybe he was worrying too much. Maybe being on the run so long was

getting to him. The handsome curly-haired blond man decided to return to the hotel. Maybe a bath and cigar would help him relax that is if he had a really big supper first.

A couple of hours later Heyes left Bonnie Belle’s and deciding to take a short cut through an alley walked right into Hud. “Smith, I don’t like you much. You made a fool out of me tonight, and I want my money back too.” “It’s OK if you don’t like me. Tell you what, why don’t we go back to the saloon, and I’ll buy you a dr…” As Heyes was talking he backed away from Hud, but unfortunately Hud’s friend Freddie Mac, who was six feet four inches and weighed about two hundred and fifty pounds was behind him. Freddie Mac grabbed Heyes by the arms, and Hud walked forward. He leaned over Heyes until their faces nearly touched, so close Heyes nearly gagged from the odor of whisky combined with onions. He struggled slightly, testing Freddie Mac’s hold on him, but Freddie Mac merely tightened his grasp eliciting a slight gasp from Heyes. This was not good he thought. Maybe he should have listened to the Kid. He had to admit that once in a while the Kid actually had a good idea, and that today might have been one of those days. “I don’t like you, and I think you talk too much. I am gonna make sure you never talk again.” Before Heyes could reply Hud punched him in the stomach, and the chest. This time Heyes really gasped, and groaned. He had the distinct feeling that a couple of his ribs had just been broken by the hulking monster in front of him. Hud sneered and hit Heyes again. Freddie Mac let go, and Heyes crumpled to the ground his hands over his belly. Hud began to kick him as Freddie Mac watched. He kicked him in the legs, his back, and his head. Then he started in on his belly and chest again repeating the cycle of kicks. Heyes barely had time to think. What had happened? One minute he was winning money in Bonnie Belle’s and the next minute he was having his life kicked out of him in an alley by a couple of fellas who had no concept of the laws of probability. There was a pause in the blows and instinctively he attempted to crawl away. His head was spinning, but he was dimly aware of laughter. Was that it? Was that all there was to life? Surely they really weren’t planning on beating him to death over a few hundred dollars, and a couple of really clever insults. He felt, and smelled Hud bend over him. In no condition to fight back and feeling helpless a sense of panic rose and threatened to consume him. He tried to breathe deeply, but nearly blacked out from the pain. Hud fumbled through his pockets, and grunted in triumph when he pulled out a wad of bills.

He sensed that Hud had stood up and felt a wave of relief. He was hurt, but at least he was alive. Although in agony, his brain already started to consider his position. He would have to crawl into the street. Once there someone was bound to find him. Perhaps a drunk would trip over him. Maybe seeing his condition would sober up the drunk enough to help him. While thinking this through he heard Freddie Mac and Hud move away a few steps. Unfortunately he also heard the ominous sound of a six-shooter being cocked. His body jerked three times as Hud shot him, and he rolled on his back, his finely chiseled face becoming pale under the moonlight as blood drained from his body. The Kid hadn’t been able to stop worrying; even the warm bath and cigar hadn’t worked and therefore he hadn’t been able to sleep. Finally his edginess forced him to leave the hotel. He decided to trust his acute finely tuned senses as he wandered down the street. Heyes was out there somewhere, probably in trouble. No not probably, definitely in trouble, or he would have been back by now. His partner, friend, cousin or what have you, was brilliant, maybe even a genius, with an incredible talent for doing stupid things. He was moody too, greedy, a little, no a lot, selfish, and a really crummy cook. The Kid continued to mull over all of Heyes’ finest points, the things that made him what he was today, the things that contributed to their being the two most successful outlaws in the history of the west. What would he do without Heyes? The Kid continued to walk, like beauty in the night, for what felt to him like hours dread rising in him as time passed. He checked his watch. He shook it and held it close to his ear, and then looked at it again. I’ll be darned he thought. Actually it had been hours. He looked at the horizon and realized the sun was beginning to rise. Damn. Where was Heyes? “Hey fella.” The Kid turned. “You talking to me?” he asked. A man in work clothes approached the Kid. “I been watching you walk up and down this street for what seems like hours. You looking for something?” “Yeah, my friend. Fella my height, brown hair, warm brown eyes.” “Yeah, well there’s a fella looks like that sleeping it off down the alley behind ya. Hey, damn. You got the bluest eyes I ever saw.” But the Kid didn’t hear the last sentence. He had already darted into the alley, his stomach queasy from a combination of anxiety about his friend, and too much pie. He shouldn’t have left Heyes. He should have trusted his instincts. But he hadn’t, and had let his friend down. He agonized over this and swore he would never be the cause of pain for Heyes again. He tripped over a pile of clothes, and the clothes groaned in agony. Looking down he saw Heyes’ pale pained face.

Heyes looked awful. He was bruised, bloody, and beaten. The Kid stooped down, and seeing Heyes’ hair in his eyes, gently stroked it aside. It was always getting in his eyes. It was really too long the Kid thought fondly. Heyes should cut it more often. He pondered about this a moment, and then realized he should check Heyes to see how badly he was hurt. He raised Heyes’ head, and Heyes opened his eyes. “Heya Kid,” he said weakly. “Heyes,” the Kid said tenderly, “how bad is it? You hurtin’ much?” “I’ve got some broken ribs, two I think. My heads been kicked so I probably have a concussion, and I’ve been shot three times, one bullet is in my leg, one in my chest, and one in the arm, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. How are you?” “Well, I got a stomach ache from worrying about you, or maybe it was the pie I ate. I guess the cigar on top of that didn’t help any. You know Heyes I think we better get you to a doctor.” He removed his bandanna and wrapped it around the injured arm to staunch the bleeding, and used Heyes’ bandanna around the leg wound, thinking it was fortunate the wound was in the calf, and not the thigh, so the bandanna was long enough to tie around it, and he wouldn’t have to sacrifice one of their shirts. Course Heyes’ shirt was a bloody mess anyway. Boy they lost a lot of clothing this way; it was getting to be pretty darned expensive. He wasn’t sure what to do about the chest wound, so he left it as it was. He put his arm around Heyes to support him, and helped him up. Together they walked out of the alley, Heyes limping, and biting his lip to keep from groaning out loud. He didn’t want to worry Kid, who already had enough on his hands, what with him being hurt and having to find a doctor not to mention a really bad stomach ache. This was a pretty small town he thought. Maybe it didn’t have a doctor. If it didn’t, the Kid would get frustrated and angry. He would feel helpless to help him (me, Heyes, he thought trying to get his pronouns and objects straight), and take his anger out on some innocent, yet irritating bystander, and then feel even guiltier afterwards. He sighed inwardly and felt a stab of pain in his chest. Why did things have to be so complicated? Maybe trying to get amnesty was a mistake. Then again, maybe it wasn’t a mistake. They got shot up when they were outlawing too. And what was to guarantee that after they got their amnesty they still wouldn’t get shot up? Hud had shot him because he had beaten him in poker, not because he was Hannibal Heyes. That wasn’t gonna change; he didn’t intend to stop playing poker. The Kid’s temperament wasn’t gonna change. Oh heck, he wished he didn’t have a concussion, and could think more clearly. “Hey I see you found your friend. Well, how do you like that, he really does have warm brown eyes.”

“Yeah, and he’s also got three bullets in him. You wouldn’t happen to have a doctor in town would you?” “Oh yeah. We got one doctor. Just go down to the end of Main Street, and make a right, and walk on fer about three miles outside of town. You can’t miss the house. It’s got a white picket fence.” “Thanks.” They walked slowly, and for Heyes painfully, towards the end of Main Street. Every step was agonizing, a strange tingling pain running up his injured leg. His arm hurt too, and his chest was definitely not in good shape. His breathing became ragged; he swallowed, and gasped from the pain. He felt the Kid tense, and his arm tighten to provide more support. They neared the town diner, and the inviting smell of waffles, bacon, and freshly brewed coffee wafted towards them carried by the gentle morning breeze. The Kid’s stomach growled. “Heyes, you hungry?” “Uh no Kid, not exactly. I mean I’m not exactly thinking about food right now. Why? You hungry?” “No, no. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t hungry, seein’ as we’re in front of the diner.” His stomach growled again as he spoke. “You sure you don’t want some bacon?” Heyes understood. The Kid was hungry, and it would be hard on him to take care of him (me, Heyes) before breakfast. He couldn’t, wouldn’t let Kid make the sacrifice of not eating his breakfast because of his (Heyes’) wounds. “Kid, you’re hungry. You need to stop and eat. You won’t be any good to me if you don’t keep your own strength up.” “Tell you what. I’ll get you to the doc’s first, and then I’ll get some food.” His stomach growled a third time. “Kid, you are not thinking. We cannot afford for you to become weak from hunger. How are you gonna take care of me?” “I guess you’re right, Heyes. Here, you lean against this post, and I’ll be back as soon as possible.” He gently helped Heyes down to sit on the boardwalk with his back against a post, facing the street so he would have a good view of the town while he (the Kid) was away. It

really was a lovely morning, clear and warm, and from the diner Heyes had a pleasant view of the saloons. He watched the townspeople in interest go about their daily activities as he waited in extreme agony. Many of them waved at the handsome brown-haired man as they passed, and he waved weakly in return. The Kid came back refreshed, and they continued towards the doctor’s house. The sun was now directly overhead and was beating down on the two men, increasing the agony of every step. They plodded on together, Heyes growing weaker by the minute, which only served to slow them down even more. His leg throbbed from the pressure placed on it, and his arm itched uncontrollably. Now Heyes was not only in terrible pain but the long walk had become boring, as there wasn’t any interesting scenery to occupy his thoughts. He tried thinking about the location of the bullets lodged in his body. The bullet in the leg was down by the ankle; that could put it near his tibia or maybe even the fibula but it didn’t hurt enough to be lodged against the bone. Let’s see, the arm, that would be the ulna—no too low—maybe near the humerus. What a stupid name for a bone, as if there was anything humorous about his situation. Boy, that anatomy book he had read in Madam Lulu belle’s was sure coming in handy. He decided not to think about the chest wound as he had a suspicion that he really shouldn’t have survived being shot in the chest. And for the first year or two of trying for the amnesty he wouldn’t have, but after going off the air (now where had that thought come from he wondered), he and the Kid had survived all sorts of fatal injuries and illnesses. Finally he gave up thinking about his injuries and broke the silence. “Kid? You ever thought about the meaning of life?” “Not recently Heyes. Why?” “Oh it’s just that when Hud was beating me up I began to wonder what it all meant. I mean there’s got to be more to life than being on the run, or robbing folks, or trying for amnesty, or getting married and having kids, or reading, or talking, or eating.” “Well, I don’t know about that last part Heyes. I mean eating is pretty fundamental. Leastways it is for me. I figure the rest of it I can pretty much take or leave, but food is more meaningful.” The two continued in silence each caught up in his own philosophical musings on life and food. The sun neared its zenith, and its rays beat relentlessly down on the two former outlaws. They halted to allow Heyes the chance to catch his breath. He slumped against the Kid. “Heyes don’t give up buddy, not now. We are almost there. I think we’ve gone over two miles now. In fact I think we’ve walked two point three miles.”

“How do you know that?” “I just know these things Heyes. It’s instinctive with me, you know that.” “Yeah, sorry Kid. I must be pretty badly hurt to have forgotten about all your extra senses, and how you can see in the dark, and hear better then a wolf, smell things better then a dog, navigate by an inner compass, and drink the average man under the table.” “Thanks, Heyes.” “My pleasure Kid,” said Heyes looking at the Kid fondly with his soft brown (n. a color between red and yellow) eyes (brown used as an adjective in this sentence). They walked on some more in silence. Heyes’ breathing became more and more labored, and the Kid’s anxiety increased. The Kid wondered if he should have put Heyes on a horse or maybe in a wagon, but he knew his partner, and knew that in some ways he was the more stubborn of the two of them. Although he really didn’t have any evidence of this, it was the general consensus. Heyes wasn’t going to let Kid know how badly he was hurt, his pride wouldn’t let him, and the Kid new it would be futile to help him too much. Finally the house came into sight. A lovely white house, it was surrounded by a white picket fence that had a path from the gate to the porch in line with the front door. Merry blooms of asters bordered both sides of the path, with cute weeds peaking out between. The Kid thought it was a considerable contrast to the town they had just walked through with its saloons and bordellos. The Kid knocked on the door. Light footsteps approached, and the door was opened by a young woman in a white dress. “May I help you?” “I’m looking for the doc for my friend here,” he said indicating Heyes who was now crumpling over nearly unconscious. “I am Doctor Clydesdale.” “You’re the doctor?” “Yes I am. Are you surprised I’m a woman?” She looked at the man he was supporting. “Boy, your friend must have one terrible toothache.” “Toothache? Ma’am, he’s been shot three times, not to mention being kicked and beaten. He’s got broken ribs and a concussion. I was told you were the only doctor in town.” “I *am* the only doctor in town. But I’m a dentist.”

“You mean you can’t do anything for him?” “If you’d like you can bring him inside and I can examine his teeth.” “Ma’am, I am hot, tired and worried. He’s hurt and he needs these bullets removed. If you won’t help him I am going to shoot you.” “Is that a threat?” “Yes, I guess you could say it is.” “Bring him in then, and I’ll see what I can do. Perhaps I can extract the bullets.” The Kid followed Dr. Clydesdale in through her door, down a hall and into her operatory. Heyes still had some consciousness, and moaned. “Kid I do not think this is a good idea.” “Well Heyes, you come up with a better one, and I’ll follow it, but right now I think this is our only option.” “Kid she’s not only a she, but she ain’t even a real doctor.” “Yes, she is. It’s just that she’s a doctor of teeth. But she’s got a real impressive diploma on the wall,” and the Kid gently, and tenderly lifted Heyes head so he could see the framed certificate. It was truly impressive, large and had beautiful calligraphy, and was in a lovely mahogany frame. Dr. Clydesdale lowered the back of her dental chair as much as possible, and she and the Kid placed Heyes in the chair. Then she pulled a small table over and began to place her instruments on it. They had even been cleansed with carbolic acid, and were actually pretty sterile, a matter of great pride for her. She placed clean cloths, thread for suturing, and various other items she might need on the table. As she arranged the surgical set up, the Kid alternately watched her and Heyes. Heyes was still slightly conscious; his eyes had narrowed into pained slits, brow furrowed, and his breathing was labored. That was pretty much as the Kid anticipated. So he checked out the doctor. She was slightly under average height, with hazel eyes and limp brown, slightly frizzy hair tied back in a bun that was marginally off center. A few wispy strands had fallen out drooping along the sides of her face and neck. This was not intended for artistic effect, but the sad truth was that while Dr. Clydesdale had excellent hands when it came to dentistry, in fact they barely shook; she was supremely uncoordinated when it came to styling her hair on the back of her head. She was fair with a pretty good complexion,

having only two pimples on her face, one on her chin and one beside her nose. The Kid couldn’t stop staring. She was the most startlingly average woman he had ever seen. The doctor turned, and the Kid quickly averted his turquoise eyes to gaze instead on Heyes. “I’m ready to operate but I’ll need your help. You’ll have to hold him down, hand me the instruments I need, and because suction hasn’t been invented yet, help me staunch the bleeding with cloths long enough so I can see the bullets.” “How am I supposed to do all that at once?” “How am I supposed to remove three bullets when all I’ve ever removed before are teeth, especially that one in the chest? I mean it’s not like internal surgery is actually perfected yet. Do you think there is actually a doctor crazy enough to operate on the chest in the 1880s? I mean they are rarely performing internal operations at the best hospitals on the stomach back east. I don’t have clamps, suction, nurses, proper lightening or anything else necessary for an operation of this sort, so we’ll just have to improvise, right?” The Kid nodded, and the operation began. Soon perspiration was trickling down the faces of all three of the participants. The doctor’s nimble hands moved rapidly, and though the situation was difficult, she soon grasped the bullet in the leg between the jaws of the forceps and removed it. Heyes’ body trembled but he forced himself to remain as still as possible so the Kid could assist the doctor. The Kid cooed to Heyes soothingly to calm him, even though his own stomach lurched almost uncontrollably. He knew he would never be able to eat pie again. After stitching the leg wound with hemstitches, Dr. Clydesdale began on the arm. This was almost more than Heyes could bare, and his lovely eyes turned bright orange from the pain. It was all he could do to keep from crying out loud. Because of the shape of the wound she decided to stitch it with lazy daisy stitches. They would hold better and be more artistic. Completing the surgery on the arm, the doctor raised her arm to approach the chest wound. For the first time Heyes saw the dental forceps that she had been using and promptly fainted. “Well that’s lucky,” she said. The third operation, although an impossibility, took the least amount of time because the doctor had increased her speed from practice. This time she closed using a buttonhole stitch. After finishing the last stitch she turned towards the Kid happily, only to watch in dismay as he collapsed at her feet.

“Useless, really,” she muttered. She ignored him as she turned to bind Heyes’ broken ribs, wash his other wounds, and check his head. Then she emptied a pitcher of water on the Kid to wake him. “Hey, sleeping beauty, get up and carry your friend to bed. It’s the least you can do. Follow me.” The Kid gently carried Heyes out of the operatory to a bedroom the doctor led him to. He placed him on the bed, and carefully covered him with the top sheet and blanket. He turned his really really blue eyes on the doctor. “Joshua here is my best friend and no matter what you say I’m gonna sit here and watch him. We’ve been together since we were kids, orphaned during the war, and we can’t manage without each other. Even if you were to offer me the best lunch ever, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, and pie—no make that cake, and the softest bed to sleep in after I’d refuse, ‘cause I gotta watch my friend.” “Well that’s just fine with me. You won’t get any argument here. Seeing as you’ve had a little nap there, I was gonna suggest you should take the first shift. I’ll relieve you in say, four hours, OK Kid?” The Kid looked up a little disappointed. Most women were really taken in, um, impressed, with his good looks and natural charm, and offered him food, a place to sleep, and lots of comfort. This doc was different, and not only was she different she knew who he was. That could be trouble. But he was really really intrigued with her now. “How do you know who we are?” “I bet your friend is the brains between you two.” The Kid nodded. “I thought as much. I don’t suppose you have noticed, but you have been calling each other Heyes and Kid since you’ve arrived. But it’s ok. Although I am normally a law abiding citizen, and I don’t know the two of you from Adam, for some inexplicable reason I won’t turn you two in.” Thanks ma’am. I am real grateful for that, and for saving Heyes’ life. I don’t know what I would have done if he had died. Like I said, we’ve been together for years…” “Yes I heard you the first time.” “I also want to apologize because I don’t have anything to pay you with, but like I said I’m real grateful, and I’ll do what I can soon as I’m able.” The doctor pursed her lips. “That figures,” she sighed. She returned to the operatory to clean up and soon was asleep in the dental chair.

The Kid sat in the chair by the bed Heyes was in keeping watch. He was worried about infection setting in. He knew infection didn’t necessarily have to set in after an injury, but lately it always seemed to with him and Heyes. Lately, that is since they went off the air, whatever that meant. So he watched intently for the signs of the fever that he was sure would appear. But except for the occasional groan when he shifted in position, Heyes seemed to be sleeping in relative comfort. The Kid’s level of concern dropped from about a ten to an eight point five, and he let out a breath, stretched his legs, and waited. He hated waiting; he hated just sitting, and this also seemed to be happening a lot lately. He thought about that lady doctor. Most of the women he knew were beautiful or unique in some way. She wasn’t. She was unusually ordinary though and that intrigued him. Not having much else to think about he mulled these same thoughts over in his head for the next couple of hours. Then he remembered Hud and anger swelled in his chest. He silently vowed to revenge Heyes. Now he only had to think how he would accomplish that. He couldn’t just call him out and shoot him because that would attract attention to himself, and someone might realize who he really was. Someone besides the doctor that is. Heyes was in no condition to move quickly if they were found out. He wasn’t certain but it was possible that shooting Hud could actually be considered murder too. He’d have to make it look like self-defense, but he couldn’t think how. He wished Heyes would hurry up and get better so he could scheme for the two of them. Meantime, he figured he’d romance that doctor. After the four hours were up, Doctor Clydesdale returned groggily to the bedroom to relieve the Kid. “I’ll take over now. Why don’t you go and get something to eat? Bring some food back for us as well.” “Ma’am? You aren’t going to cook for us?” She glared at him with her dull hazel eyes. “I’m a doctor, not a cook. If you want to eat you’ll have to go to the hotel restaurant or the diner.” “Yes ma’am. Uh ma’am?” “What?” “You wouldn’t mind telling me your first name, would you? I’d like to call you something besides doctor, or Doctor Clydesdale seein’ as we are gonna be here awhile. I thought we could be friends.” He gave her his warmest smile, and turned a pair of bright aquamarine eyes on her. She couldn’t help but smile in return. “My given name is Sallie Mae, but folks call me Sallie Mae.”

“I see,” answered the Kid who didn’t see at all. He turned to leave, but stopped at the doorway. “Sallie Mae, you don’t happen to have any money do you?” The smile faded from her face. “There’s twenty dollars in the blue jar beside the couch in the parlor. See that you don’t blow it all at once.”

After the Kid left, Sallie Mae settled in the chair by the bed. She studied Heyes appearance. His breathing was much improved, which relieved her tremendously, because she had been concerned about a possible malpractice law suit. After all, she was practicing internal surgery without a license. He tilted his head, and she couldn’t help but notice how beautiful he was. It was simply not fair. Both he and the Kid were far prettier than she was. His eyes opened, and for the first time she could see that they were like two M ‘n Ms without the candy coating. For the first time in her life she felt her heart begin to melt in her mouth and not in her hands. Their eyes met and locked. Heyes vaguely remembered the surgery, and realized that this was the doctor. He couldn’t believe it. Not only was he alive, but she was so incredibly plain. “Would you like some water?” He barely nodded in response. She got up and walked to the dresser and poured out a glass from the pitcher. Watching her he thought she was a bit on the small side, but didn’t have such a bad figure. She was at least trim and neat, although flat-chested. Not bad really. She also had a degree in dentistry. A woman like that could support a pretty good bad man who gambled fairly comfortably. This was well worth considering. He decided to turn on his substantial charm and see where it led. Returning to the bed, she gently lifted his head and tilted the glass so he could drink with a minimum of water dribbling down his chin. “So what’s a nice girl like you doing practicing dentistry?” “Oh surely you can think of a better opening line than that.” He smiled showing off his dimples to their best advantage. “I can, but then I wouldn’t find out why you chose that career.” “It was a mistake actually. I was going to go to finishing school, but I am quite nearsighted, and I mistook the Baltimore School of Dentistry for Miss Periwinkle’s Ladies’

Academy. I guess most dentists are near-sighted because no one noticed. I enjoyed the classes, and completed my four year degree in only six years. I decided on a life of adventure, and moved out west. Until yesterday I was thinking I had made a mistake because the west is actually very dull, isn’t it?” “I suppose it can be, but the Kid and I haven’t found it to be too dull. It helps when you create your own excitement.” “You mean like robbing banks and trains?” “That’s one way, but I don’t want you to worry about us. We quit robbing banks and trains a couple of years ago. We’re trying to get an amnesty. It’s a secret that only the Kid, me, Sheriff Lom Trevors, the governor of Wyoming, and about one hundred-fifty other people know about.” “I am flattered that you would include me in on the secret.” “I was hoping you’d feel that way.” Heyes smiled again, this time using his wry one side of the lip up, one side of the lip down smile, the one that all the women fell for. They continued conversing ever so wittily for the next hour until the Kid returned. “You’re awake, partner. Here I brought you and Sallie Mae back some soup and rolls from the hotel restaurant.” “I don’t suppose that all you ate was soup and bread,” said Sallie Mae smiling. “Oh no I had a three course meal at the diner. But they didn’t have any soup there, so I had to go to the hotel restaurant for that,” he smiled back at Sallie Mae relieved that she was in a better mood than when he had left. She returned his smile, and his deep really blue eyes connected with her not deep hazel eyes. “Ahem. Kid, why don’t you go take a nap? You must be tired after your meal, and Sallie Mae can feed me.” “Couldn’t hear of it partner. If she feeds you her soup will get cold. I’ll feed you and she can eat at the same time.” Heyes grumbled something about three being a crowd which the two others ignored. When the meal was over Sallie Mae left to get some sleep, and the two former outlaws were able to talk revenge over privately. “Well, what do you wanna do Heyes? I thought about calling Hud out; I figure I can outshoot him easily, but then they might just wanna hang me.”

“Mmm that’s true. I don’t think that’s such a good idea Kid. Let me think this through for a couple of days. My head is pretty sore with this concussion right now, but I’ll think of something. Maybe we can steal something, maybe rob the bank at night, and put the money in his wall safe, so’s he’d get caught.” “You really do have a bad concussion, don’t you? Hud is not the kind of man with a wall safe.” “He’s not?” “No.” “Funny, I thought he was a banker. Aren’t the fellas we always try to get revenge on bankers or saloon owners?” The Kid reached over and felt Heyes’ head. “Well, you don’t have a fever, so it must just be the concussion. Maybe you’d better rest some more Heyes and we’ll worry about getting even with Hud later.” That evening Sallie Mae decided she might as well try her hand at cooking, and made a health conscious meal of chicken broth, sprouts, and barley bread. It smelled all right so she figured it was safe to try out on the boys. She proudly carried a tray with three bowls of the broth, and three plates of the remaining items into the sick room. Heyes pushed himself up in the bed expectantly. “Sallie Mae that smells real edible,” he said looking at her with those cute brown eyes of his as his mouth curled into a crinkly smile. “Thank you Heyes. Here’s a bowl for you.” She handed his bowl over as he seemed able to feed himself, then turned to the Kid with another bowl. “None for me Sallie Mae, iffn’ you don’t mind.” “I know I said I don’t cook, but it’s not that bad. At least give it a try.” “No, no. It’s not that I don’t wanna try it, it’s just that I don’t think I can,” and he turned a delicate shade of green while speaking. “Kid, are you ok?” asked Heyes suddenly worried. “Yeah, I’m ok but I think something I ate wasn’t. It must have been that egg salad sandwich at the diner.” Dramatically he doubled over and groaned.

“Uh oh,” said Sallie Mae, “I guess you’d better get in bed beside your friend there.” The Kid dutifully and gratefully obeyed, crawling on top the bed next to Heyes. Heyes was even more worried now. The Kid could eat almost anything and not get sick, so this must have been especially bad food. Although thankful he had not eaten anything from the diner, he wasn’t too comfortable with the idea of spending the night next to the Kid. “Kid, I think I’ll get out of bed and help nurse you. I really am feeling much better now.” “Heyes, are you sure? You only got shot yesterday.” “Oh I’m definitely much better. I’ll just sit here in this nice comfortable chair, and help you out.” “If you are certain you can take care of him I’ll leave you to it, and get some sleep. I can handle pulling teeth, but food poisoning is too much for me.” Sallie Mae hurried out of the room before Heyes could stop her. “Heyes, you’re the best partner a man could have,” murmured the Kid. He was awed by his friend taking care of him in his condition. So brave. “That’s me Kid, a regular Clara Nightingale,” and he resigned himself to a pretty uncomfortable night.

The following morning Sallie Mae rose early and checked in on her two patients. Both were sleeping soundly, and both looked immensely better. The Kid’s handsome face had relaxed after a night of suffering, and Heyes was snoring musically. She thought it would be safe to leave them and go into town to pick up breakfast at the hotel. She wrapped herself in her crocheted shawl, and walked down the path past the asters and weeds. She thought about the two handsome men with their interesting ailments. How her life had changed in the past two days. They both seemed to like her too, which puzzled her as she knew she was no beauty. She paused in front of a puddle, and glancing down she could see no changes in her appearance. The stirring of her heart hadn’t brought a new glow to her face, a new light into her eyes, or even a spring into her step. She was still Sallie Mae Clydesdale, amazingly average.

In town she stopped first at the druggist to replenish her medical supplies, and then she went to the hotel to order breakfast. On returning she found the two adorable outlaws sitting up in bed together happily contemplating revenge. “Do you think you can manage to eat a little breakfast today, Kid? I’ve brought back pancakes, eggs and hot coffee.” “Well, I don’t feel too hungry but I can probably eat ten of those pancakes, and a couple of eggs.” “That’s good, Kid. We wouldn’t want you to lose any strength now,” and Heyes stared in amused amazement at his partner. “I’ll take some of that coffee, and an egg.” Sallie Mae served the men and herself. She sipped her coffee, and began again. “You won’t need to plan that revenge of yours. I was talking to Mrs. Stafford, she’s something of a town gossip, and it seems a great many things have changed in the last two days.” “Such as?” Heyes questioned, raising his eyebrows. “Such as Hud and Freddie Mac are dead.” “What! You mean someone got to them before we could?” the Kid could not keep the disappointment out of his voice. “Not someone, something. They both ate at the diner like you, Kid. The food poisoning did them in. Half the town’s got it, but they’re the only ones who have died. For some reason they thought eating more would make them better, and well, that’s that.” “Well, that’s pretty anticlimactic,” said Heyes. The Kid looked at Heyes. “What do we do now?” “Guess we stay here awhile til we get better. You don’t mind do you Sallie Mae?” “I don’t mind at all. It was boring before you two got here.” She smiled and her dull eyes almost glowed.

The following days were filled with nursing and conversation. Sallie Mae enjoyed the outlaws’ company, and was pleased when Heyes offered to teach her poker. She had

secretly harbored ambitions of being another Doc Holliday, and now she was thrilled to be taught by the best gambler around. The Kid who was better in a day helped out with chores around the neat white house. This meant he spent a lot of time outside, leaving Heyes and Sallie Mae alone together inside. He wasn’t happy with the arrangement but couldn’t think of a way to get out of it graciously. Walking into the bedroom one afternoon he found Sallie Mae and Heyes sitting together on the bed with the cards between them. Sallie Mae’s head was leaning tenderly towards Heyes’ head, and an oily tendril of hair was touching his cheek. The Kid could not contain himself. “Sallie Mae!” She looked up, her face blushing a blotchy red. “You are coming outside with me and I’m gonna teach you how to shoot. Now!” “Kid, who are you to give orders,” Heyes’ brown eyes turned glassy ebony like onyx. “Sit.” The Kid sat. Sallie Mae was astonished. What kind of a man could elicit such obedience from another man? And what kind of man loved another man so that he would obey him like a loyal dog? And why did she care? Then again, she’d just been offered a lesson in shooting from the premier gunman of the west. She’d be pretty stupid to turn that down. “Heyes, it’s all right. I’ve been sitting inside all day now, and I think getting some fresh air would do me some good, and if I truly want to rival Doc Holliday I’ll need to learn to shoot.” She handed the cards to Heyes, and left the room with the Kid. The Kid smiled smugly at his friend as he followed her. “Kid.” “What?” “We need to talk. When you’re done with your shooting lesson, Sallie Mae’s gonna go get dinner. You come back here and we’ll talk things through.” “Heyes, what’s there to talk through? We both like Sallie Mae, and we both recognize a good deal when we see it. How many chances has either of us had to be supported by a steady income? The way I see it, only one of us is gonna come out on top this time, but I’ll find out if she has a friend for you.”

“Maybe I’ll be finding out if she has a friend for you. Be careful teaching her how to use that gun, her hands ain’t always that steady.”

Sallie Mae was aware of a strange tension in her house that night and the next day. Something was definitely up. The two outlaws kept staring at her giving her a mild migraine. The Kid followed her everywhere, and now that Heyes was out of bed as well, he was trying to follow her. If it wasn’t so amusing it would be downright oppressive, she thought. She went into the kitchen and they were there. She went into the parlor and the Kid was there while Heyes slowly followed, banging against the wall as he came close. She finally ran to the outhouse for some privacy. She collected her thoughts after an hour and returned to confront the men. “Ok you two. You had better tell me what you are up to.” “Sallie Mae, I think that’s a good idea,” said the Kid. “Why don’t you have a seat, and we will,” added Heyes. “Kid, help the lady to a chair.” The Kid helped Sallie Mae to the high backed rocking chair. “Sallie Mae we have a proposal for you.” “Heyes do you mean a business proposition?” “No no no no no. I mean a proposal. We propose to marry you.” “Both of you?” “Sure, why not? I’ve got it all worked out. You can marry one of us here and the other in the territory of Wyoming. It’s almost legal that way, and no one will ever know.” “And do what? Move to Utah?” “We won’t have to do that. Only you, me and Heyes will know. But you’ll have it in writing—twice. That way you know you can trust us, and we’ll all be happy.” The Kid smiled his baby blue eyes twinkling. “I can trust you? You are both asking me to marry you, and you’re asking me to trust you?”

“Sallie Mae, it may not be exactly legal, but it is a good deal,” said Heyes. “And for us it’s a step up. I mean, only a couple of years ago we were committing armed robbery. Now we are ready to settle down. The three of us can work on the meaning of life together.” The Kid glared at Heyes. “I do like you boys, both of you, and I hate to disappoint you, but I’m already engaged.” “You are already engaged?” asked the Kid in disbelief. “That’s right. I’m engaged to be married to Randolph Pell Grant, the druggist. He’s not as good looking as either of you two, but then my dear old pappy always said, ‘Sallie Mae, never marry a man better looking than you. You’ll regret it the rest of your life.’” “Your pappy said that?” “Yep, something about the man spending more time looking in the mirror than working. At any rate Randolph has a nephew who recently graduated from medical school. He’ll move out here, and between the three of us we’ll have a lock on medicine for miles around. Now that’s a good deal.” The Kid and Heyes exchanged a glance. You know, one of those glances where they understand what each other is thinking without words. They gathered their belongings, and took their leave of Sallie Mae Clydesdale. Both men were saddened by the turn of events but not much; it was really hurt pride more than any feeling of real loss. They rode out of town, and recovered their good humor in about ten minutes.