Caper Times Issue 9

The Caper Times

Volume 30, Issue 9

January 28th, 2009

Can It Ever End?

What can be done in the Middle East, and what can be done in Cape Breton. In This Issue: A look into the Conflict in the Middle East (pg 2)

Happy Chinese NewYear (pg 4) New “Me”dia, the Internet and More (pg 5) Bark at the Moon (pg 6) A New Caper Times Short Story Selection: Our Destination Counts (pg 9) Caper Sports Updates (pg 10)

The opinions expressed in this paper are not necessarily the opinions of CBUSU or the Caper Times Editorial Board. Chris Lawrence// CT Members of the Anti-War rally in Downtown Sydney, Led by Dr. Abdul Atiyah

The Caper Times is: Editor-in-Chief: Chris Lawrence Associate Editor: Griffyn Chezenko

Business Manager: Marisha Bandaratilaka Distribution Manager: Misty MacPhee

Writers: Kenny McClean Brittany Mullins Eileen Coole

If you do not agree with something in this paper, then do something about it. This is a student and community paper, and both the university and local community are encouraged to be heard. Have something that needs to be said or just want to say something? Contact the Caper Times at [email protected].

Page 2

News

Big dreams and small hopes: Peace in the Middle East By Joe Howell The Strand (Victoria College, University of Toronto) TORONTO (CUP) – When I arrived in Sderot on Dec. 17, 11 rockets had already fallen in and around the Israeli border town. School was letting out, and boys were playing soccer in front of a bomb shelter, while other children were being carefully corralled onto an armoured bus. It was the very end of the socalled ceasefire between Israel and Hamas, which also saw the Israeli Defence Force kill six Palestinians in one raid. It would also be one of the last peaceful moments the town of nearly 20,000 people would know. Soon after, the Israeli Operation Cast Lead’s aerial bombing of Gaza not even a mile away would mean there would be no classes at all. It was also the tail end of the organized portion of my travels in the country, sponsored largely by the National Committee for Jewish Campus Life, and it was becoming apparent the ending had been spoiled for me. “If you think you get it, you

don’t get it,” my tour guide Michael Bauer had told me over the phone before I left, in regards to the perennial conflict in the region. “If you realize you don’t get it, then you’re starting to get it.” How true this was turning out to be. Most people, my pre-trip self included, have fairly simplistic notions of what is required to bring peace to the Middle East. “All Israel has to do is return to the Green Line and end the occupation,” one might tell you, while another insists that if Hamas stopped firing missiles and recognized the Jewish state’s right to exist, the problem would be solved. Both of these hypothetical armchair-diplomats are partially right, but they are also horribly wrong. After all, if the century-old struggle has such an easy answer, it would have been found by now. As such, anyone peddling a quick-fix is probably woefully uninformed; the same goes for anyone offering a onesided condemnation. The rockets hitting Sderot on that mild December day

A view of the West Bank security fence, from an Arab-Israeli town [Photo: Joe Howell/CUP]. were but a tiny example of the enormous complexity of the beast. Hamas said the rockets were in response to Israel not fulfilling their end of the ceasefire bargain, namely lifting the crippling sanctions

on Gaza. The sanctions, started after Hamas took power in 2006, were designed to put political pressure on the government by plunging over a million Palestinians further into wretchedness. In response to Hamas’ demands, Israel said that they were easing the embargo, which allows only the barest of necessities over the border; but as arms smuggling into, and rocket fire out of, Gaza never ceased, they clamped back down. Both continued harming the other side indiscriminately, Israel through collective punishment, Hamas through untargeted explosives. Both have a lot to answer for. It’s surely more productive to look at the long-term prospects for peace rather than point fingers in this latest episode of the conflict, however, so I will concern myself with that. How can we help prevent this

madness from lasting another 100 years? To figure out what needs to be done, the first place we should look is at the last major chance for an Israeli/Palestinian settlement, why it failed, and the following developments that have set the process back even further. In 2000, President Clinton sat Yasser Arafat, then-Chairman of the Palestinian Liberation Organization, down with Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak (now the Minister of Defence) at Camp David. The negotiations came closer to reaching a “final status settlement” between the warring peoples than anything previously attempted, which made the sting of their collapse especially painful. Shortly after Camp David fell apart, the second Intifada broke out with vastly more violence than the first, Israeli public opinion swung to the right, and

January 28, 2009 Clinton pronounced himself a “failure.” Amid this misery, there is still hope in the common ground the talks aroused. Both sides warmed to concessions that would have been unthinkable in previous decades. Among them were sharing Jerusalem, the city that contains some of the holiest places to Judaism, Islam, and Christianity, and is thus both the spiritual and geographical epicentre of the conflict. Another was the complete return of the Gaza Strip and about 91 per cent of the West Bank. Israel would remove 63 settlements from these regions and hand over a bit of Green Line Israel in exchange for the parts of the West Bank they wouldn’t vacate, and the Palestinians would be permitted to form whatever state they liked. Although rejected, this was monumental, and proof of just how sick the two nations were getting of perpetual bloodshed. Two decades earlier, when settlement construction began in earnest, Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin would never have considered these proposals. At the time, the idea of a historically complete Biblical Israel was a pervasive one, and the Palestinians were regarded as little more than squatters. At that same time, Arafat vowed the Palestinians would reclaim all the land taken from them in the Nakba, when they were expelled as part of the United Nations’ partition plan. And here were Barak and Arafat, preparing to relinquish their respective claims to all the land from the river to the sea, forever. Indeed, the idea of returning land was once unthinkable, never mind sharing the Temple Mount. But as one Israeli put it to me by Camp David, his country would have agreed to nearly anything that would

have led to a lasting peace. “Take it all! Just leave us the beach, Tel Aviv, and the airport,” he joked. Nearly anything is, of course, not the same as anything. The major point of contention was the so-called “right of return.” Would the millions of displaced Palestinians be able to return to not just the soon-to-be-created State of Palestine, but to Israel proper? There would be no compromising on this one. Israel said absolutely not. Demographics showed that allowing this could potentially make the Jews a minority in their own state within a few decades, and this had to be prevented. And so, with the right of return forever off the table, Arafat walked away. From this high watermark, peace prospects have gravely deteriorated. Only two months after the failure of Camp David, the first Israeli casualty from the second Intifada was recorded. Since that day, roughly 5,300 Palestinians and 1,000 Israelis have died in the renewed violence, along with dozens of foreigners, not including the death toll from the latest fighting in Gaza. The current violence will leave both body counts considerably higher, increase animosity and distrust between the two groups, and make diplomacy an impossible dream in the process. Right? Maybe not. I hold a slight, perhaps naïve hope that the blood in the streets will reinforce the desire and up the urgency for some sort of compromise to be reached. Surely, no one enjoys the status quo – the Palestinian civilian casualties have been heartbreaking, and any deal for the inhabitants of Gaza would be better than the situation they’re currently in. But it’s a two-way street: What Israeli man would want to spend every minute of his life between 18 and 45 knowing

Page 3 he could be called to fight at a moment’s notice? What Israeli woman wants to know that her children will be conscripted the minute they reach adulthood? What on Earth could be more important for either side than escaping these conditions? While in Israel, one of the speakers I had the opportunity to listen to was Globe and Mail Middle Eastern correspondent Patrick Martin. He said we will need a “magnifying glass” to see the differences between the eventual deal struck and what was offered at Camp David. “In broad strokes, we see what’s there,” said Martin, and he’s probably right. It does not seem that either camp can concede much more and still walk away from the negotiations thinking it was fair. There are mutually exclusive things neither side will budge on, the right of return most specifically, but if they truly want peace, they’ll have to eventually compromise. They must work out the devil in the details – perhaps finding a way to entice as many Palestinians back to the new state as possible through financial and housing incentives, and agreeing to let the few who absolutely must come back to Israeli land do just that. Mechanisms might be developed to prevent the feared flood of immigrants that would make Jews a minority. At the very least, it would be informative to see proper surveying done of how many of the four million displaced Palestinians would insist on immigrating to Israel, if they had enough reason to return to Palestine instead. Martin also discussed one of the other things the sides will need to make a tough compromise on: Hamas. The political party, considered a “terrorist organization” by Canada, was democratically elected in Gaza in 2006.

Martin mentioned that he met a senior Hamas leader in early December who criticized Canada for proroguing Parliament. Martin quoted the Hamas representative as asking, “And you think our country is undemocratic?” The fact that Hamas – a party that refuses to recognize Israel and actually calls for the state’s destruction in its founding charter – was elected by Gazans poses a new and major roadblock on the road to peace. Israel argues it cannot negotiate with the party, or the people it represents, if they feel this way. Yet, there are options available to Israel beyond an all-out war against Hamas. I’m not saying that Israel does not have the right to defend itself – I believe it does – but rather that the way Israel is going about it is foolish. Hamas’ guerrilla army cannot be defeated in a conventional, quick war any more than the Iraqi insurgency could be. Even if the rocket attacks stop, they will inevitably resume in the future, and Israel will have accomplished little. It will also have poisoned international sentiment against itself, alienated its Arab neighbours, and killed a saddening number of civilians and children. Hamas must be defeated by other means. Diplomacy is an option. Why was Hamas elected in the first place? The most likely reason seems to be that Hamas was considered very honest and capable of actually delivering essential services, while the notoriously corrupt and ineffectual Fatah party (which governs the West Bank) was not. Faced with the choice of voting for thieves or murderers, Gazans decided on the latter. Could there be a third way? Might the international community be able to empower

a neutral party, and give them the resources to address the myriad humanitarian issues that plague Gaza? Assuming the majority of people there voted for Hamas because the party was better able to feed their children, this could possibly work. One thing is certain: The missiles coming out of Gaza must be halted one way or another, if self-described leftists like Yossi Klein Halevi, a senior fellow at the Shalem Centre and Israeli correspondent for the New Republic, are going to want to head back to the bargaining table. Halevi explained to me that he was delighted when Israel unilaterally withdrew from Gaza in 2005, but the relentless barrage of Qassam rockets since then has made him leery of handing back more territory. What if that land too is used as a beach-head for attacks? Moderates like him must be reconvinced withdrawal is wise. My thoughts now turn to a presentation I saw by Dr.. Mohammed Dajani, Founding Director of American Studies Institute at Al-Quds University. In “Big Dreams, Small Hope,” Dajani explained the conflict comes down to the nationalistic “Big Dream” camps on both sides, who want the enemy gone at all costs, and the “Small Hope” contingents, who “believe in the peaceful co-existence between the two peoples and call for the establishment of a two-state solution living next to each other in harmony, peace and security with Jerusalem as a shared capital for both.” Will enough people eventually move to the latter group, deciding that nothing is more valuable than a higher quality of life? We can only hope for this, next year in Jerusalem.

Page 4

Features

Happy Chinese New Year 爆竹声声辞旧岁，春联户户

间，家家户户都贴红纸对联

迎新春

在门上，点灯笼，敲锣打 农历大年三十

鼓，燃放烟花爆竹；夜里，

被称作除夕或者春节，俗

通宵守夜；第二天，大清早

称“过年”。 春节是中国最

互相祝贺道喜。这样一代一

盛大，最热闹的传统节日。

代流传下来，就成了“过

在除夕夜，家家户户团聚一

年”。

在中国,

桌，辞旧迎新，庆祝节日。

关于春节的一些风俗习

每逢佳节倍思亲，春节是一

惯，中国的南方、北方会略

年当中海外游子最思念亲

有的不同。但是无论南北，

人、家乡的时候了。

年夜饭都是除夕夜每家每户

关于“过年”，民间

必不可少的,也是一年中最

有一个流传已久的故事：

重要的一顿饭。年夜饭往往

传说中国古时侯有一种

极为丰盛，鸡、鱼、肉、菜

叫“年”的怪兽，头长尖

象征着丰衣足食,来年有个

角，凶猛异常，到了冬天还

好光景。饭后，一家人围坐

会闯入村庄猎食人类和牲

一团，观看“春节联欢晚

畜，百姓们惶惶不可终日。

会”，说说笑笑，忘记一年

人和“年”斗争了很久，后

的奔波辛劳。对于家里的小

来人们发现年最怕三种东

孩子，最幸福的时刻便是拜

西：红颜色、火光、响声。

年后收到长辈发放的”压岁

于是冬天便在自家门上挂上

钱”，还有放鞭炮，看烟花

红木板，门口烧火堆，夜里

也是孩子们最热衷的事。总

通宵不睡，敲敲打打。一天

之，中国新年一切讲究喜庆

夜里，“年”闯进村庄，见

吉利，不管是北方的水饺，

到家家有红色和火光，听见

还是南方的年糕，里面都包

震天的响声，吓得跑回深

含了对未来生活美好的寓

山，再也不敢出来。夜晚过

意。

去，人们互相祝贺道喜，大 家张灯结彩，饮酒摆宴，庆 祝胜利。

为了纪念这次胜

利，以后每到冬天这个时

Chinese New Year or Spring Festival is the biggest traditional holiday celebrated by Chinese people. It is sometimes called the Lunar New Year, especially

by people outside of China. The festival traditionally begins on the first day of the first lunar month in the Chinese calendar and ends on the fifteenth day. Chinese New Year’s Eve is known as ‘Chuxi’ or ‘GuoNian’, which literally means “Yearpass Eve.” New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day are celebrated as a family affair – a time of reunion and thanksgiving. For Chinese students who study abroad, this is the period of time that they will miss their families the most. There is a legend about the Chinese New Year term ‘GuoNian’, and it has spread widely throughout China. ‘Nian’ was an enormous, ferocious, violent, singlehorned wild beast with sharp teeth and a long, powerful tail that lived in ancient China. During the winter, ‘Nian’ would come out of the mountain and destroy important crops and reputedly swallowed whole people and other living things alive. People living in the small villages had great fear as their lives could all be in danger. Many of them chose to hide and escape this menacing beast and avoided suffering disaster. People fought ‘Nian’ for many years, and they gradually found that ‘Nian’ was terrified of three things: the color red, fire, and the cracking sound of bamboo. So the villagers decided to create a huge, blazing fire with bamboo. ‘Nian’ came out on New Year’s Eve and saw the fire and heard the very loud sound and took off like a shot and never appeared again. To memorialize the success of this campaign, people celebrate on that day every year. They will put on their best clothes, prepare the most delicious food, and celebrate with their families.

The Chinese New Year’s Eve is carefully observed. Dinner is a feast with all family members which usually includes chicken, fish, meat, and vegetables. The customs are slightly different between northern and southern China; however, the most popular course is called Jiaozi (dumpling). It literally means “sleep together and have sons,” which is a good wish for family continuation. After dinner, the whole family stays up the whole night and has fun playing cards or board games or watching TV programs dedicated to the

occasion. The most exciting moment for children is when they greet their elderly relatives and receive presents of cash wrapped up in red paper packages from them. Yet, the spirit underlying the diverse celebrations of the Chinese New Year is the same: a sincere wish of peace and happiness for family members and friends. The 2009 Chinese New Year Party will be held at The Pit Lounge on January 30th from 5:30PM to 8:00PM. All Chinese students of CBU are here to sincerely thank the generous fund provided by CBU Student Service Centre and Students’ Union and their continuous sponsorship for Chinese New Year party in last couple years.

January 28, 2009

Page 5

The New “Me”dia: An Exercise in Vanity? By: Kenny McClean As readership of print newspapers drops, and the Internet becomes an increasingly popular source of information, a dramatic shift is taking place in the kind of news being published. The internet presence of traditional news sources occupy a very small corner of the internet. The majority of information being posted is personal, such as the upto-the-minute news feeds of Facebook and Twitter. The question is thus: is this glut of superficial, highly personal information necessary? Does any (SHOULD any) person need to know what someone else is up to every minute of every day? Certainly, we’d all like to think that our lives are interesting enough to justify this flagrant self-promotion, but the reality of the matter is a different story. Social networking has shifted how privacy is viewed. Websites such as Facebook are built on the erroneous assumption that someone might conceivably find a use for the life and times

of a complete stranger. Internet users who sign up for such websites are expected to have no expectation of privacy, and no issue with signing away the anonymity of the Internet. As the Facebook terms of service state: “By posting User Content to any part of the Site, you automatically grant, and you represent and warrant that you have the right to grant, to the Company an irrevocable, perpetual, nonexclusive, transferable, fully paid, worldwide license (with the right to sublicense) to use, copy, publicly perform, publicly display, reformat, translate, excerpt (in whole or in part) and distribute such User Content for any purpose, commercial, advertising, or otherwise…”* Simply put, this means that Facebook may do whatever they wish with any content a person uploads, in perpetuity (that is, forever). Even if a profile is deleted, the information that profile contained is the property of Facebook, and may be used

as is seen fit. Information on the internet has a very long shelf life, as it costs almost nothing to keep a few lines of text or a photograph on a website for years at a time. This policy is clearly spelled out, and is not unusual. The terms of service for MySpace state much the same, including the right to publicly display any content uploaded. The Internet is still in its infancy, compared to most other forms of media, and the public is just starting to feel the consequences of blatantly displaying the details of personal lives for anyone to see. Anyone with a voyeuristic streak can look up, and potentially stalk, any person who has signed up for a social networking website. Utter lack of privacy aside, social networking websites at least purport to provide a service, allowing individuals to meet and connect with friends and loved ones, when the phone or email or snail mail won’t do. Websites like Twitter, on the other hand, serve no purpose other than unashamed, blatant self-promotion. Twitter is a website that allows a person

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to record a message of 140 characters or less, sent via cell phone, and display it on Twitter.com. The intended and usual purpose of this service is to keep friends, family, and total strangers informed as to a person’s whereabouts and activities, literally up-tothe-minute. This, above all else, seems to be little more than an exercise in vanity and self-delusional futility. Chuck Palahniuk said “You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake”, and this holds true for 99% of Twitter users. This self flagellation, this masochistic practice of lowering the drawbridge, flinging open the gates, and putting oneself on the Internet for the whole world to view is not only vain, but it’s dangerous. Every day, the news has a report of someone who’s gone missing, and it’s naïve to think that Internet hasn’t helped people with malicious agendas prey on innocent people. If this were not true, shows like “To Catch a Predator” would not exist. The pros of complete openness and access to personal information seem to be vastly outweighed

by the cons. The internet allows anyone to have a voice, while maintaining anonymity. New Media has done away with this anonymity, and note this concerning trend as little more than an inconvenience for the end user. Every day, the world moves a step closer to a parallel of 1984. This is exacerbated by the neat, concise packages of information uploaded to the internet by so many people. The value of privacy is, as it stands, nil. Too concerned with staying connected, we’ve set ourselves up for the kind of nightmare that Orwell wrote of so many years ago. Advertising is becoming much more targeted and selective, telemarketers and spam are running amok, and we have nobody to blame but ourselves. Big Brother isn’t the culprit, we are. In a world that continues to shrink, we continue to become more connected and more in touch than before, but at what cost? * http://www.facebook.com/ terms.php

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Page 6

Features

Bark at The Moon By: Kenny McClean In all things there are parallels, and opposites. Religious zealotry and fanatical atheism, extreme left and right wing politics, misandry and misogyny: these issues have supporters on both sides that go above and beyond. Shouting in the streets, staging protests, they disrupt the lives of those who are content to leave the opinions of others alone. Misandrists harbor a general contempt for men, and misogynists harbor the same contempt for women. Hyperbole, bigotry, and illogical arguments are the weapons they wield, and deliberate ignorance of evidence to the contrary acts is a shield against the opinions of the overwhelming majority. The majority, who harbor no such malignant hatred of the opposite sex, couldn’t care less about the opinions of yet another loud-mouthed fool. An example of a misogynist milking his 15 minutes of fame is Dick Masterson, who runs www.menarebetterthanwomen. com. Having appeared on Dr. Phil and The Tyra Banks Show, he’s effectively and systematically making a fool of himself in front of the world, and loving every minute of it. Well-spoken and persuasive, he charms while he insults. He puts forth bluntly sexist opinions in such a manner that almost sound reasonable at first. On the flip side of the coin are websites like www.mensuck. com, run by Tracy Roberts. They promote a womenonly environment with jokes, horoscopes, advice, a proposal to exterminate men completely, and of course a store selling “Men Suck” t-shirts. Not as slick as “Men Are Better

Than Women”, “Men Suck” is more anger than argument, more ultimatum than advice. Neither website can lay claim to being better or less biased than the other, however. Based on unfounded arguments, and sprinkled liberally with transparent capitalist agendas, these websites are as much about money as making a difference. True extremism is dangerous in and of itself, even before opinions clash. When a cause takes over a person’s life, everything else gets put on a back burner. Personal and professional relationships suffer, debts go unpaid, and when he or she wakes up, there’s nothing left to salvage. Society has a long memory for those who actively attempt to bring down others; if you’re going to make a name for yourself as a bigot and a fanatic, you’d better enjoy the spotlight while you can, because when the limelight is gone you’ll find yourself a pariah. Very rarely are people nonpartisan on hot topics. Nature and nurture take an equal hand in forming our views of the world, and the ranting fury of a madman will do little to change that. Perhaps campaigning for a hopeless cause is the 21st century’s answer to martyrdom; throw yourself to the wolves, and be forever remembered for your devotion. The problem is that there are too many issues and too many people heedlessly sacrificing themselves for any one person to take center stage. The names we remember are the names we cannot forget no matter how hard we try; names like Chapman, Oswald, Godse. Those who take the lives of others in the name of a cause shout the loudest, and most

weekend extremists would balk at such measures. Misandrists and misogynists seem to have a hard time grasping the fact that most people couldn’t care less. 99% of men and women hold no such hatred for the opposite sex, but see such radicals as caged monkeys, flinging feces and doing scandalous things in public. They’re stand-up comedians recycling airline food jokes, sweating under a spotlight while a hostile audience heckles them. Like the freak show in a travelling circus, they’re being laughed at, not with. Warhol’s 15 minutes goes by fast, and people like Dick Masterson had better have a plan for the future. It would be nice to think that most men and women have at least a little bit of empathy for the other sex, because life is tough on both sides of the fence. It’s hard enough getting by in the world without resorting to pigeonholing an entire gender, and reducing them to stereotypes; this is a coward’s coping mechanism. Taking the easy way out and blaming others for your mistakes is a gutless, spineless way to go through life. Most people work a job they don’t like, to pay for a house they can’t afford, and a car they don’t need. Can anyone be faulted for wanting to vent a little, and wallowing in the deliciously politically incorrect writings of people like Dick and Tracy? We all need to kick up our heels and bark at the moon every once and a while, and if relaxing for you is logging onto the internet and having a chuckle at a man who would have been much better off in the 1950’s, then go for it. Close the blinds, lock the doors, and

let yourself go. Keep it behind closed doors, and we’ll all get along just fine. Misandrists and misogynists are not speaking what the silent majority is thinking, and they’re not voicing unheard opinions. They’re men and women filled

with carnivorous rage, angry at the perceived injustices of the world. Like a child, they’re looking for attention, and the best thing you can do for them is ignore them.

What’s Going On, On and Around Campus: Don’t Forget

Elections

Student Union elections are coming up soon, keep an eye out for next issue, with all of our election coverage.

Sports

Caper Athletics are back for second semester. Come out and show your support for your CBU Capers.

Jobs

Caper Times is hiring! We here at the Caper Times are always looking for writers who are interested in being paid to write. As it stands right now, many of our regular writers are facing that time in their life where they must move on and leave CBU behind. We are looking for writers now, to work with our current writers to be prepared to fill that void. Contact Chris Lawrence, EIC, at 563-1473, or at [email protected] if you are interested in being a bigger part of your community now, or next year.

January 28, 2009

Page 7

Staying Tuned Ranting and Raving by Eileen Coole This article is dedicated to the sound addicts, band geeks, and all the folks like me who pay far too much attention to the music scene. Music preference is highly subjective; it is really up to you, the individual, to choose the tunes that make your ears happy. Tours, new albums, local acts, and rants and raves (as the title suggests); I will try to cover it all from any genre. However, I am human. In saying this, something is guaranteed to slip my mind and not make it to the page. This is where you come in as a reader. If there is something that you think I have forgotten, or you just think that I’m an ass for tearing your favorite band/artist to pieces, write

Obama will be a big letdown By Justin Bell Intercamp (Grant MacEwan College) EDMONTON (CUP) – It’s hard to knock Barack Obama, a man the Western world has fallen in love with; a media darling. And with his inauguration but days past, he’s more popular than De Gaulle marching into Paris, chasing Bush and his Vichy loyalists out of Washington. But is his popularity all that well deserved? It’s hard to argue against his intellectual approach to governing, bringing critical thinking to the American government’s highest office for the first time since Eisenhower. Every decision he made during the primary process

something about it. Everyone has the ability to make their voice heard about any subject, not only music. No comment is a stupid comment. Enough with the motivational speeches, onward to the ranting! - The Tom Fun Orchestra played a show at the Pit on January 15. The Sydney-based group has made marching band nerds and folk fans wet their pants across the country. It’s not often that a trumpet, a banjo, and an accordion can be played in the same band and become nationally recognized at the same time. Not to mention it’s cool as hell. The best thing about seeing them live is that they look like they are having so much fun playing a bunch of eclectic instruments at the same time; instruments that really shouldn’t sound decent at the same time, but they sound decent anyway. I look forward

to seeing them again. - Have you ever been to one of those parties where everyone is drunk and playing Guitar Hero in one room, and there are the people who are in the other room, sobered up, and complaining about the noise? Guitar Hero freaks, get ready to swarm the closest Future Shop. Guitar Hero haters; get ready to smash an X-Box 360 and tick off a lot of your friends at the next party, especially if you dislike Metallica. Like its Aerosmith predecessor, Guitar Hero is set to release Guitar Hero Metallica. The new game will feature a new “Expert+” difficulty mode that offers players two bass drum pedals for their drum console, as well as 28 Metallica songs. The game will also feature Metallica-esque artists like Alice in Chains and Slayer. “Guitar Hero Metallica” will be

and election was tempered and lacked the bat-shit-nuts insanity John McCain brought to the process. He even refrained from making huge policy decisions before he was officially declared the new President of the United States. All this time, the right-wing press is hailing him as a temperate bridge builder and the left wing has declared him the new Jesus. The question will become: From which side will he govern? The answer will prove a disappointment to the whole political spectrum The brilliance of Obama’s campaign wasn’t that he didn’t have positions on important policies, but that his campaign pushed the whole “Hope” angle hard and ignored serious questions. In a year of political change, it was a brilliant idea.

It allowed anyone looking for a change in the political process to overlay their hopes and dreams on his bare-boned skeleton candidacy. He was the emperor who wore any clothes we told him to. In Canada, we’re doing the same thing. We’re hoping he will push for the de-criminalization of marijuana (left) while at the same time hoping he finally pulls all protection for wildlife reserves and opens up free drilling (right). It was the brilliance of his candidacy. He is everything to everyone. But when he starts his term of office, he will turn into the great disappointment. And his biggest detractors will come from his most ardent supporters – the hippy left. They look at his history as a community organizer and the first black President of

released on March 29, 2009 for the X-Box 360 and Playstation 3. It will be released for the Playstation 2 and the Wii console in May, although there is no official date as of writing this article. - Attention, nightclub fanatics! Your boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, has a new song out. “Bigger than the World”, which was leaked onto the internet last Thursday, is a collaboration with rapper T.I. “A new Justin Timberlake song” is a term that has become confusing. Weren’t his past seven songs new or was I just asleep? My guess is the latter because it would seem relatively easy to fall asleep to the same pretentious and over-produced hip-hop beat. All jokes aside, I listened to the whole song and it actually has some promising features; the underlying melodic guitar picking and the piano solo at the very end of the song. I’m

a sucker for piano in newer music, no matter what the genre. It can give the most modern sounding song a vintage touch. The contrast between new and classic sounds pretty great. This song is no different. It’s just too bad that the solo lasts about twenty seconds. Piano rock is awesome. - Oh hey! It’s Nickelback and the country’s favorite lead vocalist that visually resembles Jesus. Their new album and single are doing extremely well, and they have as many upcoming North American tour dates as a Big Mac has calories. Good for them. But remember, boys and girls: Big Macs aren’t good for your health, and having the same dry songs reiterated to you over and over can’t be as good for your upchuck reflex either. Does the new album apply to the idea that Nickelback hasn’t had a new single out since Leader of Men? Let’s hope not.

the Harvard Law Review and see a man who will push for progressive change, a man who will fight for the little man and punish big bad corporations. He’s already talking about an $800 billion stimulus to the economy, tax cuts, and government spending. He’s come out against gay marriage, though he does support civil unions for gay couples. And even his cabinet nominations, which some critics view as a conciliatory gesture towards the right, are more likely a

reflection of his position as a moderate centrist. It’s not a bad thing that he sits in the centre as a president; with the U.S. economy spiraling out of control, they could probably use a moderate voice to ensure enough stimulus without the partisan hackery of a left- or right-wing ideologue. But in the meantime, it’s probably best to sit back and enjoy the honeymoon.

Page 8

Distractions Comics Courtesy of XKCD.com

Entertainment

January 28, 2009

Page 9

Caper Times Short Stories: Our Destination Counts Editor’s Note: This is part or admit they were wrong. one of a three part story It was senior year. Both Jake and Marlee had signed up for By Brittany Mullins Prom Committee. The arguments did not subside even Marlee Thomas had always for the littlest detail, such as loved life. She would even paint what theme, what music, to a fake smile when she was feel- even what colour napkins to ing awful, just so no one around have. Marlee and Jake had both her would know the difference. stayed after school to draw out Marlee wanted everyone to be plans for the prom itself. happy. Self-sacrificing, caring, “Can you pass me that pengenerous were all adjectives cil?” Marlee asked. She was to describe her. It was a bit un- sitting at a desk facing Jake. He believable at first that Marlee was using a marker to outline a would make such a decision, drawing, not even using a penbut to analyze her whole life, cil. it seemed like it was a natural “Hmm?” fit. Living a lie was something “The pencil. Can you hand it she did on a regular basis. She to me?” was not happy until she became “I’m using it.” a monster. With a sigh of exasperation, The closest time one could Marlee got up to get the writing determine it happened was implement herself. Before she in high school. Marlee was a had the chance to pick it up, sweet girl, did her homework, Jake grabbed it. attended school functions. She “What’s your damage?! I was not popular, but she did needed that!” not have to be; people naturally “I needed it more.” were drawn to her. That’s how “Oh my god! Why do you alshe met Jake. ways do this to me?!” Jake was part of the same “Because you’re cute when committees she was, and was you’re mad.” the only one who would ever “Are you on crack?” disagree with her. As it hap“Why do I have to be on crack pens, loathe turned into love. to have a crush on you?” “Dammit, Jake!” “Shut up,” Marlee said, blush“I told you, no one wants to ing. She quickly sat down and have a bake sale!” continued her work. “But we’ve been having bake Several minutes stretched by. sales every year to huge suc“You still never answered my cesses. What proof do you have question.” that no one wants one?!” “I didn’t think I had to.” “Because we’re supposed to “Okay, let’s try this. Would be the council for change! By you like to go to prom with condoning past traditions, we’re me?” far from changing things!” “Are you joking?” Their arguments were always “No.” heated debates, with the on“Then yes. I would like to go lookers feeling as if they were to prom with you.” watching a tennis match. It was Marlee unknowingly just always a wonder who would entered a whole new world in come out on top. Both Marlee which she had no clue what she and Jake had good debating was doing. She did not even reskills, but neither would budge ally like Jake that much, but he

was the only one who had asked her to anything, really. She felt special, but a little bit guilty. From then on, Jake and Marlee got along great, much to the relief of their fellow students and committee members. The prom was made all the more magical when Jake and Marlee showed up arm in arm. If she knew how much she would have had to give up, Marlee would not have said yes. She could not go camping anymore, since Jake had allergies. Her music now took a backseat to his music in the car and in the house. If she did not have an mp3 player, she would have forgotten what her music sounded like. Jake lived for his work. Marlee just wanted to live. It was about this time when she began hurting herself. She would take a pair of scissors and cut her arm, stomach, something that could be covered so no one would know. The following year, both Marlee and Jake attended the local college. He was studying to be a doctor and she, a journalist. Things were going well. Marlee learned to live with Jake as best as she could. He was always gone on field trips and writing papers and labs for school. She went most evenings and days without a word from him. He always remembered the special occasions, though. Their second anniversary was one to remember. Jake had brought Marlee to a cliffside, overlooking the water. It was a calm night, the moon reflecting perfectly off the water. The flowers were all in bloom, releasing a beautiful fragrance in the air. “Marlee?” “Yes, Jake?” “We’ve been dating for a while, and...” Jake pulled out a tiny box from his pocket and

placed it in her hand. “Open it,” he coaxed. As she did, her eyes grew wide. “Marlee, will you marry me?” Words could not come fast enough to aid her. “Yes, Jake. I will.” They shared an embrace and a kiss in the most perfect setting. But why didn’t it feel perfect? The next summer, Marlee and Jake moved into a little house together. It was only a quaint two bedroom, but it was home. Marlee had decorated it the way she would decorate anything, with her own flair and no exceptions. Jake was hardly

home anyway. Jake arrived home one day with someone else in tow. “Marlee, guess who I found today?” “Hopefully not a dead animal.” “No. It’s my old friend from junior high! He moved back home and is attending the university as well! Come out and meet him, Lee.” Marlee left her post at the kitchen sink. She was a bit relieved it was a guy. She knew some girls that went to university just to nab a doctor or lawyer before they raked in the money, so they wouldn’t seem like gold diggers.

Page 10 Capers return to the floor after Christmas break by Sean O’Neill The long 41-day gap between Cape Breton University basketball games, and 46-day stretch for the volleyball team came to an excruciating end on January 10th as the varsity teams were in game action for the first time in the calendar year of 2009. After such a long break, easing back into the schedule with a lesser team could be the perfect way to get the feet wet after such a long hibernation. But in the case of the women’s basketball team, that initial task after the break couldn’t have been tougher. It took their undefeated record against the two-time defending Atlantic University Sport champions -- and the team that defeated the Capers in the AUS Final last season -- the Memorial Sea~hawks. While the ‘Hawks lost three time AUS all-star and two time first team all-Canadian Katherine Quackenbush -who averaged 14.8 points, 5.3 rebounds and 3.4 assists last season -- to graduation, the team still contains a significant collection of talent that is showing that they are up to the challenge of “threepeating”. Last season’s set of games at the Sullivan Fieldhouse produced two tightly contested matches that came down to the very end, and showed that the class of the conference resided on the Cape and the Rock. Memorial won the first game 54-53; Cape Breton rebounded the next day for the home-court split with a 75-71 victory. The two teams were so evenly matched that when they predictably met in the AUS Final last season,

Sports the only outcome could be another close encounter. Sadly for those wearing orange and green, the Capers lost another heartbreaker 64-61, in a game in which they held a five point lead heading into the final 10 minutes of play. The first half of the first game was anything but tight. The Capers stormed Memorial from the tip-off as they took a 20-9 lead at the end of the first quarter. But that script was turned on its head as CBU came out flat in the second, and Memorial seized the initiative as they outscored them 33-9 in the quarter taking a 42-29 lead to the dressing room. This was not the Capers best game. Its shots were either rushed or defended well - as its shooting percentage of 35.8%, or 3-point mark of 15.4%, would signify. And while CBU outscored its opponents by 10 in the second half, they still succumbed in the end by a final score of 74-71. The game was not as close as the score-line suggested. Kelsey Hodgson continued to lead the team in scoring as she scored 17 points for the game high. Kari Everett put up 16 points and nine rebounds, and Karmen Brown and six boards. Memorial’s balanced scoring was led by Victoria Thistle with 15 and Meghan Dalton with 14. The second game between both teams was closer than the three-point margin of the first encounter, on the scoreboard and on the court. Cape Breton took a lead of three with them at the halftime juncture, as they looked more relaxed as they let the game come to them instead of forcing the issue through bad shot selection. However, Memorial is like an annoying fly in the summer that won’t buzz off. And like they did in the

championship game a season prior, they jumped ahead of the Capers and won the game in the final two minutes by a score of 76-74. Alexandria Forsey scored a game-high 21 for the ‘Hawks, as well as adding seven rebounds. Victoria Thistle also filled up the statsheet with 18 points, eight rebounds, two assists, a block and a steal. For CBU, Hodgson, Everett, Nicole Works and Jahlica Kirnon all scored in double-figures, as well as rookie forward Brittany Morrison. The Sydney native was fantastic off the bench in her first taste of extended minutes during a big game this season as she contributed with 10 points and five rebounds. This was the sixth and seventh time that these two teams have crosses swords in the past two seasons -- with two more games to be played in Newfoundland at the end of February. In said seven games, the Capers are 1-6 against Memorial and have lost by an average of 3.8 points in each contest. The difference between winning and losing in this series is thinner than Lindsay Lohan. Many a lead has been squandered in these games; the Capers should know by now that not taking advantage of late leads against the Sea~hawks is a recipe for disaster. Rounds eight and nine take place at Memorial on February 20th and 21st. And if things go according to script, there will be a round ten at Dalhousie on March 1. These bitter pills didn’t have much time to fester as a quick road-trip to the mainland to play the Saint Mary’s Huskies and the Dalhousie Tigers was next on the cards. Firstly, against SMU, the Capers won 72-66 behind Hodgson’s second 30-point game in AUS play this season. If there was any doubt that she was the best player in

the conference, performances like this keep re-enforcing her claim to that honor. The next night, against Dalhousie, the Capers lost their third game of the season to a Tigers team that may be the best bet to upset the current Sea~hawk-Caper duopoly at the time of the AUS. Dalhousie won 79-70. Laurie Girdwood registered a double-double with 26 points and 11 rebounds, while Alex Legge added 17 points to the Tiger cause. Everett nearly pulled off a double-double of her own with 20 points and nine rebounds. CBU finished off this stretch with a short trip to Antigonish to play St.. FX. The Capers won 77-69 behind 33 points and 11 rebounds from Hodgson, which was her third game with as many as 30 points this AUS season. Not only is she the leading scorer in the AUS, she currently leads the country as well with 23.4 points per game. CBU currently resides at the top of the AUS women’s standings with 26 points and an 8-3 record. They have played one game more than Memorial who sit behind them with a 9-1 record, but 24 points. Dalhousie

and St. FX are in third and fourth, respectively, with 22 points apiece. The Capers men’s basketball team didn’t have the opportunity to play the high caliber of opposition that the women were lucky to face. Memorial is currently the whipping boys of the AUS men’s basketball table. Over the last two seasons of play, Memorial has collected a 5-35 record, including zero wins last season. The Capers would have to play this set of games without starting small-forward Al Alilovic, who was sidelined with a bum ankle. But getting to see the floor for the first time this season, and in his Caper career, was Justin Roper who was finally getting over injury problems of his own. This first game went according to plan as the Capers won 84-50. Phil Nkrumah, the brothers Roper, Justin and Ryan, Scott Jaspers-Fayer and Lasario Burrows all scored in double-figures. The second game had the feel and atmosphere of a pick-up game at the YMCA. The crowd wasn’t excited, the players

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January 28, 2009 looked uninterested, and the game was tight until late in the fourth quarter -- and nobody seemed to notice outside of the coaches. In the end, the Capers won 82-70. Tremaine Fraser had a team-high 20 points, and three assists, and Nkrumah had another big game with 11 points and 7 rebounds. The next test for the men was a trip to play Saint Mary’s, the team that defeated them with a last second basket. The result wasn’t much different in this game as the Huskies won 69-65. No stats were available at press time. Dalhousie was the last fixture of the road trip, and the Capers handed the Tigers a loss on their home court, which gave CBU the split in the two games at the DalPlex. Fraser had possibly his best statistical game of the season with 13 points, 5 rebounds, 3 assists and four steals, Nkrumah almost had another double-double with 10 points and eight rebounds, and Mark McGarrigle shot 50% from both the field and from three as he added 13 points to the Capers’ tally. The Capers currently sit in 4th place in the AUS with a 7-3 record, for 18 points. They are two points behind Dalhousie and Saint Mary’s. They next hit the court on January 25 against Acadia, before the

biggest game of the season, at home, against 1st-place St.. FX on January 28 for a big fourpointer. Hopefully, everyone in Caper Nation will be rockin’’ the orange at the Fieldhouse that night to give some extra juice to the team on a night when motivation shouldn’t be necessary.

Page 11 Chris Lawrence // CT Photo Archive

As for the women’s volleyball team, it’s been a mixed bag of results. The first match after New Year’s was against Dalhousie, and the Capers defended home court winning 3-1, with scores of 26-24, 25-27, 25-17, 25-23. The next challenger was Saint Mary’s, and the Huskies won three intense sets 25-23, 25-23, 25-20. The Capers were off to New Brusnwick next with a match against both UNB and Moncton. It was not a fun trip to say the least. CBU won one set in the two matches, succumbing to UNB 25-23, 25-20, 25-14. The score-line against Moncton was 27-25, 12-25, 25-18, 25-19. The volleyball team sits in fifth place with a 6-10 record and 12 points. Its next matches are both at home -- January 23 against St. FX, and January 31 against UPEI. Until then, Go Capers!

Calling All Caper’s Fans Let us know what you think about your CBU Capers! Are you the ultimate Capers fan? Have you been to every single Capers Game so far this year? Or do you just want to send a shout-out to the boys and girls in orange and green? Write in to the Caper Times and let us know what you have to say. Come in to the Caper Times office at any time, or drop us a line at [email protected]

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