Blog Excerpts

9/19/08: Initial Reactions...Short and Sweet: We obviously have not begun our field placements and thus, I have no discussion as far as that is concerned. However, I thought I would make a first post just to get myself in the habit of reflecting at least once a week on teaching-related events… 10/11/08: Long time...no rant =( I have finally taught my first lesson in lab. Though I was undoubtedly perspiring THE entire time...I think it went fairly well. It was interesting after talking to my mom (whom has been an educator in the same district for 30+ years) and she said that she still has the hardest time standing up in front of her peers. This eased my nerves a little (maybe it's not just me). However, having that under my belt, even though it was only a ten minute lesson on the wonderful world of passive and active voice, I feel like I have overcome the first hurdle. Of course, I say this as I move on to discuss my next hurdle: the Lead a Discussion project. Allow me to preface this with: yuck, yuck, did I mention yuck? I am, of course, not referring to the assignment (which I think was well-needed), but to my performance. I thought with my above-mentioned ability to rant I would have no problems leading a discussion. Boy, was I wrong. Uptake, Uptake, Uptake. I need to work on my uptake. However, I must applaud my ability to re-word and re-pose the same question fourteen thousand times (pat on the back for that one). Needless to say, it was a learning lesson. At first I was truly disheartened...but now I think I have realized that I am still so new at this and that is why I am in 407 to learn and improve… 10/14/08: Is it just me...or are high schoolers giants? I am finally in my placement--and finally in a high school. It’s weird; the lockers are bigger and the hallways are structured to insure that the new teacher, student, or visitor gets lost (and I did, but was still on time thankfully). Furthermore, the students (guys and girls alike) are huge. Of course, I mean heightwise. I always thought that I was of average height--but they make me feel short. This will probably make it even more difficult for me to be an authority figure. I guess I just have to work on a nice 'I mean business' face and accompany it with a direct tone. 10/18/08: Indecisiveness Cured? So, I happen to be one of the most indecisive people in the world. I think I always fear that the decision I make will ultimately leave me bitter and regretful--even if it is as simple as what shoes to wear, or what to eat for lunch. But I feel like there is one thing I know for sure (disclaimer: this post is about to get dreamy and perhaps, a bit sentimental). I am a teacher. Okay, not certified just yet. But, I cannot picture myself doing anything else. I pretty much never want to leave my placement. I don't think I've ever been surer of anything. That's comforting. 10/22/08: Schools just smell right. Allow me to elaborate on this seemingly awkward tagline. They say smell is the strongest sense tied to memory. Though I always wondered who the infamous 'they' was in all those 'well, you know they say....' statements, I buy this one. I have a really strong sense

of smell and there are just certain smells that bring out the nostalgia in me. I feel this way about school. I can always remember that smell of the hallways, or of the wax on the floor the first day of school or the first day back from winter break, and sadly enough even the cafeteria food. I think because I enjoyed school so much (I guess that is mostly because that was back when I did not have all the responsibilities of being a pseudoadult), those are smells I think on fondly. To the point, now that I am in my placement I'm starting to love the following: that I wake up early and drive to school while it is still dark, that my non-spill coffee mug is my new best friend, that I can successfully travel through the maze created by high schoolers re-capping their evenings in the morning, and that smell of school. But enough nostalgia. 10/26/08: Dear Santa, For Christmas I would like teacher materials It's like Christmas came early, with the hand-outs and the already completed lesson plans. Between lab, guest speakers in seminar and my mentor teachers giving nature--I am stacking up some serious resources… In Public speaking, I got to read some of their stories and they are coming along quite nicely. In particular, I got to read the thrilling tale of a student-teacher (that closely resembles myself) 'losing it' when giving the responsibility of teaching the class while their teacher was away. The story said this was due mostly to the high standards of their teacher. It was quite funny and I was pleased it at least said Ms. Davis and not Stephanie (ha-ha). I look forward to seeing this live when their speeches start next week. Let's just hope that is not the future of my teaching career...again fingers crossed, knock on wood etc. 10/31/08: I need to hire a Manager--of my time. We had a talk in seminar about everyone's stressful schedules, neglected friends and loved-ones, and lack of sleep. I looked around the room and thought--we're all in the same boat. That was the first time I'd felt that way. A lot of the people I know do not take things half as serious as my pre-service teacher peers. We had a discussion about how that is the personality of a teacher--perpetually feelings like you have never done enough. When I think about it, that is my mother and my aunt (both also teachers) to a tee. Though I have said so many times 'I do not want to turn into my mother.' I would like to. I am proud to be a part of a community of over-achieving, productive, and compassionate individuals even if they tend to feel guilty, lose sleep, are hard on themselves, and spend all their weekends doing school work. I think we're a rare breed--and I'm okay with that. 11/4/08: I am staring in a new Infomercial. Ever heard of the magic bullet? It is somewhat like a mini-blender that can be called upon to make anything from smoothies to nacho cheese. Well, in public speaking there newest speeches are to sell a product. This was one group’s product. I was called upon midspeech to come up and test it out. They followed this demonstration with: "See, if Ms. Davis can do it, anyone can." I keep telling myself it's all in jest, which it truly is. I am

pleased to be included and enjoy seeing them progress from speech to speech. It is nice to feel more and more a part of the classroom each session. 11/12/08: 'You've got the look' No...certainly not the 'look' Prince is referring to--an even better look. The teacher look. I think I just may be getting it down. In Public speaking a lot of the days are spent listening to speeches. During a speech it is crucial that students give their attention and do not do things that may distract the speaker. That is nerve-wracking, getting in front of your peers, remembering your main points, and trying to remain charismatic under the pressure. Thus, one giggle, heckle, or even a conspicuous cough could cause an upheaval that may discourage the speaker. Furthermore, if a student is causing these distractions, the teacher obviously cannot verbally reprimand them because this would only cause more distraction. This is where the look is necessary. It is the 'I mean business' look, the 'there are serious consequences for that behavior' look, the 'is that really what you should be doing?' look. It's a big look--it says a lot. I come from a family of scowlers. Most of the adults/authority figures within my family can shoot a look at you and without words you know to stop the action they disapprove of immediately. I'd like to think the look is hereditary. Anyways, I used the look yesterday and it worked. Ahhhhha...success at last…. On a fun and final note, I got a badge today so that I no longer have to wear a 'guest pass.' I'm not a guest--I belong here!! At least for Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Now, I have a legitimate badge that I can don around my neck that has my picture and the word 'staff'...if only, that last part were true....to dream, to dream. 11/15/08: 'But in the end, the only steps that matter...Are the ones you take all by yourself' 'Yesterday when you were young Everything you needed done was done for you Now you do it on your own'--The Weepies 'Can't Go Back Now' In seminar we talk a lot about the limbo stage between student and teacher. I think this also somewhat translates into the transition to adulthood. I am twenty-one, so legally, I am an adult. However, I am talking about entry into the ever-frightening 'real world.' I think this year it has all gotten 'real,' if you will. Most of our days are non-stop, coffeefilled, and sleep-lacking. However, this is not another 'I need more time in my week' complaint (though that might be nice). I guess I am just saying that more than ever I feel responsible for managing my life including responsibilities for classes, responsibilities to a tutee, to field placement, to work, to friends, to family, to myself (when I get the chance) etc. This week was possibly busier than ever, but I did not feel stressed (okay, maybe a little), but it was not that 'how am I going to finish all this' stress. It was a good feeling--being productive feels good. Oh, and checking off things on my to-do list is one of the most euphoric moments (sad, but a little true). I guess what I am saying is that I

feel good about the fact that I think I can finally manage these responsibilities and not feel 'burnt out' (yuck) at the end of the week. Proof came when Thursday night after French class I did not fall asleep on the couch at 10 o'clock while watching 'Always Sunny.' I actually made it to my bedroom--score! Maybe adulthood will suit me. Also, tonight I am going to see a student from the Public Speaking play the star role in their high school musical 'Big.' First of all, I am a huge fan of the movie Big and I love musicals. Furthermore, I know he is really excited/nervous about this performance. He is a particular student that I have gotten a good chance to interact with and he seemed really excited that I was coming. He also came to me to check his schedule for the next two trimesters to see if he had Ms. Carl and if I would still be there. They like me...they really like me =). Anyways, wish him luck. 11/21/08: Bidding adieu... The school of my placement has trimesters, which means, unlike most schools, the students are taking exams and preparing to switch into new classes. I went to placement three times this week. Twice at my normal time to observe final speeches, presentations, and review sessions and games for the upcoming exams. Then, I also went for three hours today. The Public speaking class was having their final speeches and because of the exam schedule my mentor teacher had them for three hours straight. Whew! She asked me if I would at all be interested in giving up my Friday morning of finally sleeping in and coming at 7:45 to watch their final speeches and spend the last day with them before turning to the second trimester. Though my previous blogs will show that I am quite lacking in the sleep department, of course I wanted to go. I had already started thinking about the fact that these students, who I have gotten to know and seen at least twice a week for the last month and a half, would now be switching into other classes. Sad face. 12/3/08: Maslow's hierarchy of needs Seminar was somewhat intense today. The Small Inquiry Group Presentation on Mental Illness was eye-opening. It made me shift my focus somewhat from lesson planning and quality text choices to my future students as people. Furthermore, it made me think of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. As humans, according to this hierarchy, we first secure our physiological needs then safety, love/belonging, esteem, and finally self-actualization. It seems that many of the tasks, we as English teachers, want our students to engage in are those that point to self-actualization. However, before we can begin with that feat, student's other needs must be fulfilled. Now, many of the students we will teach at the secondary level may already have many of these needs fulfilled and be well on their way to self-actualization. However, there are many adults that do not even have these needs fulfilled. Thus, how can we expect students that may not have their mental, emotional, or physical needs met to complete an assignment on Shakespeare? I think this just made me start realizing the responsibilities I have as a Teacher. It is important that we be there for our student--the person in addition to our student--the learner. I think a situation like those discussed in class today, in terms of the way to handle a piece of writing that clearly illustrates that your student is emotionally

struggling, are ones that we must be prepared for, in the event that they occur. I also do not think there is a tried-and-true way to approach a situation like this and we would do ourselves a service to prepare for that possibility. Thus, I am glad the presentation got me thinking about the ways I will be available for my students as people with emotions and needs, just like any human. 1/19/09: Back from Hiatus. It's good to be back. It is a new year and it has been over a month since I have written a blog. It feels really good to be back in classes, at work, and mostly, at my field placement. The getting up early part was a little difficult the first week, but I am vowing that this second week will be much better. I really want to get back into the swing of things and back to productive Steph. Over vacation I was quite busy, but nothing like the way I am when school is in session. Thus, I have made a promise to myself that I will make this last semester of undergraduate the best it can be. This means really getting involved in my course work (that all appears to be really applicable to my future teaching career), reading more for leisure (teachable texts of course =)), and taking on a larger role in my field placement. 1/28/09: Setting Shakespeare Free After reading LotF, the class will move on to read Taming of the Shrew. I was in the class last semester when this transition took place. However, the other day my mentor teacher mentioned that she was trying to think of some fun activity to introduce the unit. She asked me to let her know if I had any ideas. She had said this before with coming up with speech topics and other small things that I have had conversations about. However, this time it was an activity and she was asking for suggestions. My mind immediately went to Shakespeare Set Free and the activities we completed with the Stratford group… I came home from class today and got my book out and my lesson notes and compiled a list of possibilities. I also looked up various insults specific to Taming of the Shrew. Therefore, when I go to placement tomorrow I have a few possibilities and have most of the work done already. I am excited and I just hope that it is congruent with what she is hoping to complete with the students. I am confident about the lesson and what it can do to introduce the play. However, in thinking ahead about getting students engaged and willing to be actors for that 15-20 minute period, I get a little scared. I guess the first step is to discuss it with my mentor teacher and then I have the next approximately two weeks to worry about it. No, not worry, prepare myself and observe the students to see which I can rely on to be outgoing and excited and which I may need to help in the process. 2/3/09: A little light reading: community, school, classroom, student... Also, this week I start the writing club and am very excited to get started. It is nice that everything is kind of based in writing at this point, my 313, TE, and this writing club. This will be a good experience and I really look forward to hopefully engaging these students with writing; the kind of engagement that continues to last. I wish that I would have continued writing when I was younger. I used to love it. I would use my parent’s old

typewriter and pretend I was an author. Once, I even wrote a terrible screen play that I thought had great potential (ha). However, this desire dwindled and because of 313 I have just gotten back into writing. I wish I had kept up with it throughout middle school and high school. Hopefully, these students will. 2/10/09: Irksome brawling fools.... As the room flourishes with lively noises of high schoolers hurling insults at one another, I look around and think to myself, so, I finally know what this feels like. I realized--only as I drove to my placement today, that I had not actually taught a lesson I had planned in front of students. I had helped, answered questions, planned lessons for lab, worked oneon-one with students, but this was the first time I actually planned & enacted a lesson in front of a classroom of real students. Talk about an authentic audience. My nerves started to get to me as I got out of my car, preparing to enter the school. They continued until about the second sentence of my lesson. I had the twenty-minute silent reading time to organize my thoughts, practice my delivery, and generally, just freak out. Of course this was all on the inside; to the others in the room it would have appeared that I was intently reviewing my LoTF book. Yet, I stood up, pushed through my nerves and did. There were moments when I felt that feeling that many teachers must feel when students are unenthusiastic about something you put hard work into planning. I think sometimes they just do not see how certain things are benefiting them. Thus, I tried to explain my purposes: to help attune them to the language, to give them practice with the language, to get them to see the connection between their body language/actions & their words etc. I tried to explain this. I riddled it throughout the lesson, hoping that they would get the hint. Not sure if the 15 minute activity was enough to thoroughly get that through their heads, but I made a true effort. I began by giving them the notecards and explaining that they were Shakespearian insults etc. I allowed them some time alone to read the cards and then asked them to give me words they did not know or could not pronounce. I then gave them the definitions and explained that I also had to look many of them up. I mean really, what is a 'coxcomb'? After that, we completed the activity. I gave them scenarios and they used their insults on each other. A lot of them actually got into it. I could see the sauciness of teenagedom expressed in their insults. However, there was also a lot of talking while I was trying to give instruction. I was thoroughly glad that they were excited, but needed to give the next instructions. I could have ignored it & I really thought about it, but I decided I am not getting anywhere with them talking. I stopped, paused, looked at the culprits and said "I need it quiet before I can continue my instructions." They were quiet. They did not stay quiet, but I had successfully gotten their attention back, something I had struggled a bit, even in a lab of my peers. I talked to my mentor teacher after and she mentioned how glad she was that I got after them for talking. She said it never works when you try to talk over them. However, the next class was more of a challenge because it is about a third larger, at the end of the day, and with a lot of rowdy boys. However, I stood my ground. I did not talk over them, I asked them to be quiet, and they would. I had to ask a lot (which is my next task to work on), but I got through and delivered all the needed instructions. There were moments

when I felt guilty getting after them. My mentor teacher and I talked about this later. We both laughed about how teenagers have a great way of making the teacher feel guilty when all she wants to do is her job. This made me feel better. She also shared a tip her mentor teacher gave her, "You're the boss." Though I do not completely agree with that mentality in terms of instruction (because I do not thoroughly value authoritarian monologically based instruction), I do agree that I need to have more confidence. I must realize that this is my class and I need to take control of it to make sure that each of my students is getting what they need. This helped. Also, in this class, I took the opportunity to further the conversation about language and ask for examples of their body language, tone, or volume when delivering their insults. This was pretty successful. All in all, I'd give myself a B. It was well done, but there is always room for improving. I'm off...to do just that. =) 2/13/09: One of those days... Yesterday was just one of those days. One of those days where the students are bouncing off the walls, do not want to stay in there seats, and have an objection to each of the teacher’s directions. I am not sure if it was because it was almost Valentine’s Day, that it was spirit week, or that they had no school on Monday. Regardless, it was one of those days. However, it took both my mentor teacher and I to try and get them to listen and that was not even completely successful. I must say though that these are good days to be there. I need to prepare myself for those days when you question whether they ever really listen, whether you are doing a good job, and whether or not this will make you pull your hair out. I would never seriously second guess whether this was the career for me, but I am sure there are those days where it seems hard to see the good you are doing… Lastly, the writing club went well on Tuesday. One of the students even said 'I wish writing club was everyday.' I thought to myself....me too!! 2/18/09: General Updates: Writing Club: The young authors are currently working on pieces to submit to the Calberry Writing Contest in Lansing. Each of the students is completing a personal narrative. At this point, we have gotten them started with strong topics and begun drafting their papers. Their writing levels vary across the board. However, there are three of us working at the 4-5th grade level, so we have the privilege to work with 3-4 students oneon-one each week depending on our attendance. This has been nice. I have found that teaching students of this age is not much different than teaching students at the high school level. Of course, the content is different but a lot of it is similar skills as it pertains to writing--it is just the pace with which you teach these skills. These students are a joy and it is nice to see them enjoying writing and producing really quality writing at that. Writing Instruction (313 & TE): I think I have finally settled on the process approach.

After many discussions in TE, going through the process approach with our personal narratives in 313, and planning my own writing instruction unit I really see the value of the process approach. I have never worked on a paper as hard as I did for that personal narrative and a lot of it was because the in-class activities forced me to. However, this was the first time since I started college that I truly think the instruction made me a better writer. I want to do this for my students.

3/18/09: It's been a while.. Also, the writing club is going well. We are winding down on submitting their expository pieces into the Calberry writing contest. It is interesting to watch the different writers-some nervous about their work, some easily distracted, and some secretly brilliant. Okay, they are all brilliant but there is one student who all along kept her writing very secretive--so secretive in fact that I had not really read any of her writing. However, in the lab she started to type and it was truly amazing. I wanted to read out of pride and because it was a truly engaging piece of writing. I cannot wait to see all of their final papers. Speaking of the writing club, Tuesdays are weird days. I start at 730 with 1-2.5 year olds at work (daycare), then go to placement with Juniors and Seniors (16-18ish), and then with 4th & 5th graders. It is funny how many things are similar across the ages-particularly when it comes to behavioral problems. It is just a matter of altering the way you deal with it for each age and really for each student. I have to say though--that it is nice to be so invested in student-teacher relationships even if one of them is with 2 year olds =). Final note, I graduate in less than two months--scary. =/ 3/25/08: “I am across town from Easy Street” …To steal from the great Tom Waits—I’m feeling like Easy Street is just not on my map. I thought that as the year—my senior year—completed, I would have a much easier/more laid back time. However, that is simply not the case. I think my struggle is just that I am ready to see the rewards of all my hard work. I am ready to apply what I’ve learned to an authentic audience. I am ready to have my own classroom. I think I am just itching to graduate and move on to the next step in this process. Oh, can I get a taxi to easy street…. Now, for updates: Placement: I like being their three days a week. I feel like I get to see the students more and I am also privy to more consecutive instruction. This way, I get an even better feel about how the class is run on a consistent basis. Also, I really like being in a Senior Composition class, particularly with the topic of writing instruction so prevalent in both ENG 313 and TE 408 this year. I feel like a lot of the things I see at placement are readily

applicable to my planning and I have been able to adapt certain activities for my own purposes. Writing Club: I am SO proud of the writing club kids! We had a really tight deadline to turn in their submissions for the Calberry Writing competition and we actually did it. It was rushed, last minute, and a few kids stayed after to finish, but either way—they finished. It has been really nice watching their progress throughout this process. They each have their different style of writing and also of the way they approach writing. However, each was eager and excited to write which was most important to me. I really cannot express how happy and proud I am for them. I think we definitely have a few front runners in this competition, which is also a sense of pride. I am mostly just glad that they all produce things with which they were proud. Internship: I have my placement for my internship!!! I am at Haslett High School and I believe I will be with 9th & 10th graders. The school is so pretty & big and I have heard only good things. I am working on setting up a date to meet with my mentor teacher and I cannot wait! 4/24/08: “He who dares to teach must never cease to learn…” “Acquire new knowledge whilst thinking over the old, and you may become a teacher of others.” -Confucius Today, ahh, today is a wonderful day for reflecting. In reading over all my old blogs, thinking of my current situation as I see where I started this year, I feel a slew of emotions. I am proud of the work I’ve done, proud of the progress I’ve made, and most importantly proud of the person I am and am still becoming. In two weeks I graduate from MSU (though I will still be here for the lovely Friday classes next year). I received an e-mail today about changing my status from ‘undergraduate’ to ‘graduate professional.’ It has a nice ring to it, but as the name changes, so do other aspects of my life. It is with excitement for the future and yet, bittersweet sadness at seeing this phase in my life comes to completion. I have found myself at MSU, I have found my closest friends at MSU, and I have found my career at MSU. Though I always knew I wanted to be a teacher, it was here that I realized why—he most important part of the equation. I have always excelled at school and put all of my effort into whatever challenge was thrown my way. However, now it is more than being good at school because of the effort I put in and my ability to read a teacher’s expectations. Now, I am good at something—teaching is what I do. It will not be my job—it will be my career, my lifestyle, and my biggest point of pride. Another trigger of these sentiments was that I meant with my mentor teacher for next year today. It was perfect. I walked through the hallway, well a few wrong hallways and then finally found my way. The door had a sign with the teachers named brightly colored

—I knew I was in the right place. I opened the door and as the students turned to look at me, I hesitatingly said “Ahh, I’m Stephanie…I mean…Ms. Davis.” As the students turn to their teacher for clarification she said “Oh, You’re Stephanie. Students, you are now witnessing the first meeting between my new intern and I. This is Ms. Davis, we will be Co-teaching together next year.” Co-teaching. The key word. At that moment it hit me, even though I barely know this woman—I just met her—she will be ‘showing me the ropes’ all next year. The words co-teaching spoke to me about the amount of respect I would receive from this teacher—a little of my nervousness escaped at this moment. As I sat down, I discovered that the students were talking about plans for a party for the current intern. The students, and the teacher, spoke of this ‘co-teacher’ with such fondness and I knew that this could potentially be me next year. From that moment, I have been beyond excited. The meeting continued for a lengthy amount of time. There was a Watchmen poster, numerous books sent my way to read over the summer, a reading of dickens on the lawn with 6th hour, talks about family and future plans, talks about teaching (good and bad, good being the students, bad being the sometimes awful constraints that the public educational system now finds itself under), and lastly, a hug. I felt like I belonged there. Furthermore, my mentor teacher is one of those people that immediately make you comfortable and calm—she may be the perfect recipe for turning me into the teacher I wish to become. I cannot wait to teach lessons…and to learn my own.