Black Friday 1

Carmen Lionel Store Rep Lights up: Two Black Friday shoppers wait outside of a store. Carmen (checking their watch​) Three minutes until Black Friday! I’m the first guy in line. I can’t remember the last time I stayed up this late. Lionel Hey chump! I should go first. I’ve been waiting for this all year long. Back up! I’ll bite anyone! Carmen Well, ​someone ​is really ready for Black Friday! Lionel Cram your asses behind my fat ass. Noone is getting past me! Carmen Well, technically I’m first in line. Lionel Don’t make me laugh. HaHaHa. Is this your first Black Friday? Carmen Indeed. Lionel Please, you probably haven’t even killed a man for a Tickle Me Edward James Elmos. Carmen I haven’t killed a man in general. Boy I’m excited. I even took off work for this. Lionel Scoff. I lost my job at the horse strangling factory to be here…. Carmen That’s a job?

Lionel ...Just to see the joy in my kids eyes when they get their own Spanky Bear…. Carmen I don’t think that’s a toy. Lionel Before all of you losers! Carmen I’m not a loser! Look buddy, I have just about as much of a right to be here as you…. Lionel I’ve spent the last ten nights out here. Seen two dog fights. Participated in one. After the seventh night, I lost my daughter in the darkness of the parking lot.. Carmen Maybe you’re getting a little too much into this? Lionel Listen pisshead, during Black Friday, I’ve seen things that no man should want or pay to see. It hardens you. I’m hard. We all want to go home and give our kids a TittyFuck PoundCake doll. Carmen And that’s definitely not a toy. Hey, what does it matter to you anyway? We’’re all gonna be in there in less than ​(checks watch)​ a minute and a half. Lionel Because, without this I’m nothing don’t you see? Business isn’t too good at the Horse Strangling Factory… Carmen I’m so sorry to hear that Lionel and well...Black Friday is the only time I can show love for my kids at a discount. But after watching their stupid, jaundiced faces Christmas morning. Makes me forget about my crippling student loan payments. Carmen You know what? I’m gonna let you go first.

Lionel What did you just say to my face? Carmen Yeah, and to be perfectly honest, sir, you’ve really fucked up the of meaning Black Friday for me. Lionel switches with Carmen. A store rep comes out. During the course of the lines, Lionel rips his shirt. Covers himself in war paint. Drinks from a goblet of blood. Store Rep Alright listen up you monsters, we will be opening the store doors in a few moments, when we do, please don’t make this place look like that prison in Natural Born Killers. Black Friday starts in 3,2,1…. Lionel Lets fucking do this! Carmen Alrighty! Lionel runs into the store. Carmen casually walks in. THE END