"billy Was A Cafeteria Christian"


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 



 
 
 Hi
Kids!


This
is
God
speaking.

 
 
 
 
 








 




 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 Today
I
am
going
to
tell
you
a
story
about
a
Christian
named
Billy.
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 Like
a
good
Christian
he
always
took
the
time
to
help
those
in
need...
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 ...and
every
Sunday
he
went
to
church
to
pray.
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 He
spent
his
evenings
studying
the
infallible
Word
of
God...
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 ...
and
thought
he
had
learned
right
from
wrong.

 He
was
sure
he
would
never
give
in
to
Satan’s
temptations.
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 He
proclaimed
his
love
for
Me
to
anyone
who
would
listen...
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 ...but
if
Billy
really
loved
Me,
he
would
not
have
sinned
against
Me
by
eating
 lobster.

 
 


Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the




waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.


 KJV – Leviticus 11:12





 



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 
 He
would
have
known
that
I
hate
lobsters
just
as
much
as
I
hate
gays.

 
 
 
 
 


Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind:

Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an

it is abomination.

KJV - Leviticus 18:22

abomination unto you.


 


KJV Leviticus 11:12 



 





=
 =
 
 
 



 
 
 And
if
Billy
had
really
loved
My
Word,
he
would
have
stoned
his
neighbor
 when
he
found
out
he
was
a
homosexual.

 
 
 


If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed




an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.




KJV-Leviticus 20:13


 



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 






 



 Since
Billy
was
too
weak
to
follow
My
law,
I
had
to
use
a
drunk
driver
to
take
 care
of
the
“situation”.


 
 
 
 
 


Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven. NKJV - Genesis 19:24





 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 In
his
unrepentant
state,
Billy
let
his
wife
teach
a
Sunday
school
class.
The
 World
might
say
this
is
OK,
but
I
do
not.
 
 
 
 
 
 


34

Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are

not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says.

35

And if they want to learn something, let

them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church. NKJV- 1 Corinthians 14:34-35


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 


Billy
showed
his
contempt
for
Me
when
he
divorced
his
wife
just
because
she
 had
a
nervous
breakdown
and
bludgeoned
him
with
a
weed
whacker.
 






 
 
 





16

For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. -NKJV Malachi 2:16


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 


The
Bible
is
very
clear
that
cheating
is
the
ONLY
acceptable
reason
for
divorce.

 Every
night
he
spends
with
his
new
wife
is
a
sin.
 
 
 
 


9

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for

marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." NIV - Mathew 19:9


 


(The
Bible
says
it
and
that
settles
it.)
 
 



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 Billy
forgot
that
the
Flames
of
Hell
are
Eternal.

Just
like
his
Marriage
was
 supposed
to
be.
 
 
 


...He shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels 11




and in the presence of the Lamb.




ever; and they have no rest day or night...”


 


And the

smoke of their torment ascends forever and NKJV - Revelations 14:10-11


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 It
turned
out
Billy
was
nothing
more
than
a
Cafeteria
Christian
who
took
a
 pick‐and‐choose
attitude
toward
My
Word.
 
 
 
 
 


17

And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass

away than for one tittle of the law to fail. NKJV - Luke 16:17 






 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 He
was
a
hypocrite
who
spent
his
time
bewailing
the
sins
of
others,
instead
of
 his
own.
 
 
 



 
 
 


5

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then

you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. NIV – Mathew 7:5


 
 
 
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Parting verses 



 "Listen

and understand. 11What goes into a man's mouth does not make him 'unclean,' but what comes out

of his mouth, that is what makes him 'unclean.' "

12

Then the disciples came to him and asked, " Do

you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?" 3He replied, "Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. 14Leave them; they are blind guides. If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit."

15

Peter said, "Explain the

parable to us." 16"Are you still so dull?" Jesus asked them. 17"Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? 18But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.'

-NIV Mathew 15:12-18

Creative Direction Writer: Nicholas Baker Director/Photographer: Nicholas Baker Assistant Director: Phillip Humphreys

The Cast Billy: James Leeper

Wife #1: Anonymous

Wife #2: Connie Richardson

God: Harold

Gay Kissers: Alex S. and Phillip H.

Homeless Man: Michael Richardson

Neighbor: Anonymous

Thumbs Up Guys: Anonymous

Special Thanks To:

John Marcotte @

www.Rescuemarriage.org

for his support and

use of his “Flames of hell are eternal” line. Check His Website out. Seriously. Phillip Humphreys for his consistent willingness to go way over the line in the pursuit of the absurd. James Leeper for being an Incredible Billy. And getting Naked. Dr. Lonchar for the Insight and Support. My Parents for supporting me no matter what... And everyone else who took time out of their day to be a part of my book! Thanks!

Copyright 2009 ©