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SCENE

Bum Sum pe AFGHAN Edi merr tion

ISSUE 60 - JULY 2009

KaboulADisco! French cult classic translated

Absolutely Fabulous Afghan fashion

Tristram Wallace Angusteen-Tittershaugh, the early years

A guide to Afghanistan’s most dangerous road perspective

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insight

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people

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reviews

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pics • life

SCENE AFGHAN

Afghan Scene July 2009

Introduction Contents

Afghan Scene July 2009

ISSUE 58 - MAY 2009

Publisher: Afghan Scene Ltd, Wazir Akbar Khan, Kabul, Afghanistan Manager & Editor: Afghan Scene Ltd, Kabul, Afghanistan Design: Kaboora Production Advertising: [email protected] Printer: Emirates Printing Press, Dubai Contact: [email protected] / www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene welcomes the contribution of articles and / or pictures from its readers. Editorial rights reserved. Cover Illustration: Nicolas Wild

7 Introduction 10 The Willy Wonka of Kabul In the latest instalment of Kabul at Work, journalist David Gill introduces a family of confectioners who keep themselves busy making boiled sweets and sticky treats in the old city. 14 Gallic humour deciphered Nicolas Wild, the creator of a surreal look at expat life in Afghanistan, introduces Kaboul Disco. Afghan Scene is also delighted to publish the first extract of the forthcoming English translation of the cult French graphic novel.

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24 The smell of Velcro in the morning Kabul’s top blogger, the Afghan Hound, reveals what life is like for an embedded journalist stuck in the Twilight Zone of Bagram Air Field. 28 Mad Max meets Priscilla Queen of the Desert The story of two Australians who hitched a ride on a fuel convoy plying one of the most dangerous routes in Afghanistan just to see if anything would happen. 42 Afghan Fabulous A charity event thrown by Bridget Cowper-Coles wowed the chattering classes of Notting Hill and raised plenty of cash for AfghanAid.

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52 Operation Snakebite Journalist Stephen Grey gives the inside scoop on the meetings diplomat Michael Semple had with top Taliban commanders in the months before his sensational expulsion from Afghanistan. 58 Wakhan on the wild side Restaurant junkie Rosemary Stasek gives her take on the tasty treats available at Kabul’s newest and hippest eaterie. 76 Afghan Essentials A super-sized directory of the best restaurants and hotels in Kabul.

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79 Separated at birth and caption competition Bill Nighy impersonator Kai Eide introduces Afghan Scene’s first caption competition.

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Introduction

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Time Big Mac? for another

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t was an abrupt goodbye to the man in charge of ISAF amid all sorts of unconvincing rumours about change at the top. Scene suspects the real reason General McKiernan got the chop is that he was late with his copy for our July edition. Contributors beware. Either that or the Pentagon realised what his surname means in the local lingo. But in the spirit of continuity David McKiernan (who replaced Dan McNeill) will be succeeded by Stanley McChrystal. It makes life easier if they’re all Big Macs. And it’s all evidence of just how seriously ISAF takes its communication strategy. In case you hadn’t noticed, they’ve started trying to reach key target audiences - Afghan villagers and the like - through social networking sites like Myspace, Facebook and Twitter. Watch out

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internet junkies in Tirin Kowt. We struggled to arrange a live web link with the capital of Oruzgan, so instead we sent some mad Aussies there the old fashioned way, with a fuel convoy from Kandahar City. Last month also saw reports of mass hysteria at a number of girls schools north of the capital. Medics said the women were “confused, irritable and weeping” - and blamed it on Taliban gas, obviously. We’ve also got France’s premiere cartoonist in Kabul, Nicolas Wild, with an extract from his book Kaboul Disco - translated into English for the first time. And in the spirit of Scene Magazine’s lighter take on life in Afghanistan, we’ve got the first in a fictional series about Little Lord Do-Gooder and his adventures in the Hindoo Kush. Any similarities with real life are absolutely intentional. Enjoy. �

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Scene Team

Afghan Scene July 2009

Contributors

Afghan Scene July 2009

Afghan Scene Magazine is proud to showcase work from the best photographers (and cartoonists) in Afghanistan

Aurelia du Vignau is a French journalist and photographer who first moved to Kabul in March 2006. She now splits her time between Afghanistan and Paris. She recently travelled to Djibouti to report on piracy. www.aureliaduvignau.com

David Gill is a British writer, photographer and videogrpher focusing social documentary and overseas development. His current book project Kabul, a City at Work is a selection over 100 original portraits. web.mac.com/shot2bits/work

Travis Beard is an Australian photographer, film maker, adventurer and part time security analyst based in Kabul. He’s ridden to Badakshan and Bamiyan on a motorbike and is looking forward to the day when Route 1 is safe again. www.argusphotography.com

Leslie Knott is a Canadian photographer and film maker who has been following the Afghan Cricket team on their quest for world cup glory for more than a year. The documentary, which takes them to Peshawar, Jersey, Tanzania, Argentina and South Africa is due out later this year. www.outoftheashes.tv Harry Cole is a cad and a bounder. A former guards officer in the British army he’s now a raconteur, wit and man about town who juggles security and logistics in between scribbling Scene’s pocket cartoons.

Guilad Kahn is a photographer, videographer and producer based in Bangkok. He’s been visiting Kabul since 2001, inbetween trips to Myanmar, Egypt, Jordan and Nigeria. www.guiladkahn.com

Almost all of the photographs and cartoons featured in Afghan Scene are available for sale direct from the artists. Most of them are available for commissions, here and elsewhere. If you would like to contribute to Afghan Scene, or if you can’t get hold of a contributor, please contact [email protected]. 8

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City scene

City scene

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CHARLIE: Bucket loads of sweets | David Gill

The

Candyman DAVID GILL meets Kabul’s answer to Willy Wonka

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n the heart of the old city’s Mandayee bazaar is Kabul’s oldest sweet shop (or is it sweatshop?). The narrow, muddy streets which lead to this medieval treasure are teeming with activity. This is no tourist souk, it’s a working marketplace and the bustle is relentless. Stop to gawp at some oddity of life here and you will be crushed under the wheels of a passing handcart. The mud walls are tall and narrow and the

entrance is a nondescript curtain. Inside there are no rivers of chocolate, only blazing hot furnaces, vats of boiling sugar and little smirking Hazara kids chopping and folding glutinous rolls of melting sweetness. “Oompah Lumpa dipadeedoo”… or whatever they say in Dari. This is a totally family run outfit but Safar, 37 is the actual Willy Wonka of this ancient establishment and he’s been adding secret

Kabul, A City at Work is a selection of over 100 original portraits from the capital. It’s authors describe it as a window into Kabul’s soul. For more information visit www.web.mac.com/shot2bits/work

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ingredients to his glassy goodies for over 25 years. He stayed here throughout the civil war and the dark days of the Taliban. Music and cinema might have been banned but confectionery escaped the draconian restrictions, besides in times of war everyone needs an everlasting gobstopper, never mind the

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sexual substitute Scrumdiddlyumptious bar. If you need directions head for the bird market and then follow the smell of melting sugar. No golden tickets necessary. One kilo of candy costs 30p and flavours include pomegranate melon rose and peach. �

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Comic scene Afghan Scene July 2009

Comicbook

writer

Afghan Scene is delighted to publish the first ever English extract from NICOLAS WILD’S hugely successful graphic novels about his experiences in Afghanistan. Here the 32 year old Frenchman introduces himself

Afghan Scene July 2009

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Afghan Scene July 2009

ASM: What on earth made you come to Afghanistan to write comic books? NW: In 2005 I saw a job advert in France saying a comic book artist was urgently needed to work in Afghanistan. At first I thought it wa s a joke. But it was perfect for me, because my dream was to both travel and make comic books. There was just one week between the advert in the paper and me arriving in Kabul.

ASM: Why did you call it Kaboul Disco? NW: It was just the working title to start with. I liked the sound of two words that were not supposed to match together. A year after it was published a Russian friend of mine told me that he thought it was because in the mind of people Kabul is all about war, but disco is festive and happy. And I thought, ‘Oh yeah, that’s what I meant!’

ASM: What sort of comics were you asked to do? NW: I was working for Sayara to make educational comic books for children. The first one explained the constitution of Afghanistan. Olivier Goddin (the other Sayara cartoonist) and I created two characters, a kid called Yassim and an older man called Kakar Raouf. After that we did other comic books for other clients, about the parliamentary elections, about children’s education and about poppy cultivation.

ASM: After three years in Kabul, you left in 2007. What did you miss? NW: I don’t know. The taste of Qabuli pilau. The song of the ice cream truck. I had it in my mind for months in France – I couldn’t sleep. It was like a little voice saying come back… da, da, da, pa, pa!

ASM: Why did you decide to write an autobiographical book as well? NW: I was writing a comic book blog, which are quite popular in France, with funny little stories about coming to Afghanistan. After a while I had enough material for a comic book and I took it to some people who said, great – do it.

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ASM: You’re visiting Kabul at the moment – any plans to come back? NW: I’m very happy to be back here. It’s good to be here as a tourist because you have no security restrictions and can go round the city meeting old friends. When I was back in France I only saw the bad side. Kabul seems to be more lively. I may come back in September for six months. Everyone comes back to Afghanistan, there is something about this country. �

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Blog scene

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The

smellof

Velcro

in the morning

Scene’s favourite blogger, THE AFGHAN HOUND, gets embedded with the US Airborne division

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love the sound of velcro in the morning, it sounds like victory Life on an embed depends on what movies you’ve seen. For me, Camp Airborne is the bastard lovechild of Generation Kill, M*A*S*H and Private Benjamin. Most of the soldiers here sleep in tents - for a year. Sounds primitive? They are equipped with air conditioning and 24-hour electricity, which is more than I get in a four-bedroom house in a posh part of Kabul. We are sent to the ‘transient’ tent, with a mix of journalists, contractors, the lightly wounded or soon to be departing soldiers. We all sleep on cots and living space is minimal. Even with military standard earplugs you’re required to share farts, snoring and the ripping sound of Velcro every morning. Conversations with the contractors are illuminating. Most of them are earning more per month than I will hope to earn in my whole stay in Afghanistan. They may be in the ‘transient tent’ but they are on Trump Plaza wages.

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Meanwhile I am just happy to be having three ‘free’ hot meals a day. ‘Will Embed for Food’ is a cardboard slogan I should have had at the end of my bed. But boy, oh boy, do they feed you! They say an army marches on its stomach. Mine grew at least two inches in the 10 days I was out here. Grilled Steak, Crab Claws, Breaded Shrimp, Cajun Baked Trout, Fresh Fruit, there’s even an Ice Cream Bar. God only knows the carbon cost of getting fresh strawberries out to Wardak in winter. Our embed was only 10 days long. For ‘kinetics’ (that’s GI terminology for shooting and stuff) I should have stayed longer but you have to be careful what you wish for. Since I left, the Taliban have increased their activity and IEDs are even more routine on the roads around Wardak. Thanks to the bloody circus that was Iraq, the American Army has had five hard years of

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PENSIVE: I wonder what’s for lunch? | Aurelia du Vignau

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MORNING GLORY: It’s close quarters camping around the wagons | Aurelia du Vignau

insurgency experience. Things have changed, and for anyone who has watched Generation Kill, where grunts roll through Iraq in stripped down Humvees taking heavy casualties, this is a completely new ballgame. They now travel round in heavily armoured MRAPs (Mine Resistant Ambush Protected Vehicles). These machines cost close to a million dollars each and weigh around 10 tons. This is ‘Generation Not Get Killed’. A routine patrol to a COP (Combat Outpost) is a logistical behemoth. Over 50 men in a juddering convoy of eight of these supervehicles all tooled with 50-calibre machine guns, grenade launchers and god knows what ‘bomb jamming’ technology - all just to deliver a fuel pump and a few boxes of crisps to a base 20 kilometres way. The mission takes around 12

hours. At one point it looks like we have to stay overnight due to the weather. Code Red. It’s cloudy! For goodness sakes. So we wait and wait and wait. This is a take-no-risk situation. There is no Godfather here (‘Generation Kill’ reference folks). Why risk it? Life is cheap here but that only applies to the enemy. The American people, it seems, will not tolerate a third Vietnam. But surely you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs. These guys are tough, highlytrained killers. They also believe (apart from the Brits) that they are the only ones doing the fighting.

PS: American Joke - What does ISAF stand for? Answer - I Saw Americans Fighting.

If you aren’t too worried about the ruins being old, you could consider Kabul.

Does my bum look big in this?

For the latest ravings of the Afghan Hound visit www.foto8.com

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Danger scene

Danger scene Afghan Scene July 2009

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Mad Max Four,

Kandahar beyond

Professional Aussies JEREMY KELLY and TRAVIS BEARD cadged a lift on a fuel convoy from Kandahar to Tirin Kot just to see whether they would make it in one piece Words: Jeremy Kelly Pictures: Travis Beard and Jeremy Kelly

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S

ure, on paper, it sounds pretty daft. Making the treacherous 180km trip from Kandahar city to Tirin Kot, capital of Uruzgan, in the cabin of a lorry carrying 43,000 litres of fuel. And most friends told us as much. One of few votes of encouragement came from a British tabloid journalist. Though given he sneakily snapped my picture the day before departure, I think his motives were less than sincere. But our intel told us it was safe. The twice monthly convoy of 100 or so trucks and lorries that ferry supplies to ISAF’s Camp Holland is protected by warlord and police colonel Matiullah Khan, who is paid quite handsomely to ensure they all get there safely. All we needed was a translator. We found plenty in Kandahar willing to work for us… until they found out what the job was. Apparently it was too dangerous. Most don’t leave the city, as if Kandahar was some oasis of peace and stability. So, we set off without one. We are driven to the outskirts of Kandahar just after dawn. About 100 trucks and lorries were parked on the side of the road. Their drivers are jovial and no-one seems fazed by a Trip on Terror Highway, as a newspaper headline would later describe it. We’re told it will take eight hours and we would be in Tirin Kot before nightfall. Security or no security, no-one dares travel the road at night. One of the drivers buys a carton of cigarettes and a twelve pack of Red Bull. At least he won’t nod off along the way. We strike trouble about half an hour out of Kandahar. A truck hauling a shipping container

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TAXI!: Locals wait for the fuel convoys before daring to travel the Terror Highway | Travis Beard

GRIDLOCK: Trucks clog the road as the weak fall by the wayside | Travis Beard

ROADIE: Travis settles in for a night in a truck cab | Jeremy Kelly

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has gone half-turtle (tipped on its side for non-readers of Pajhwok Afghan News) after the driver over corrected to avoid an oncoming vehicle. The windscreen is splayed on the road. Remarkably, in a land that seatbelt use forgot, the driver is only bruised.

next checkpoint. We flag down a passing tanker and jump aboard. It’s the same driver who was stocking up on energy drinks in Kandahar. The sun starts to break out but the rain has stalled the convoy. We’re at an incline where at least a dozen

“It’s like Mad Max meets Priscilla Queen of the Desert” A bit further up, where the terrain turns into rocky, lifeless hills, it starts to rain. The bitumen road ends and the situation looks bleak. We see the first of many metal carcasses from previous skirmishes. A burnt-out tanker from a semitrailer lies to the side of the road. We stop for a truck that’s broken down. A group of police have gathered to oversee the towing operation. One of their police cars has been pimped-up, Afghan-style, with plastic flowers all over its bonnet and aerials. Another’s steering wheel has fluffy pink cover. Some of the police have henna-painted fingernails. It’s like Mad Max meets Priscilla Queen of the Desert. We take up the offer to ride in the back of their pick-up. It’s a good chance to get to the front of the convoy, which will ensure we make Tirin Kot by nightfall. The driver takes great delight in hooning along the side of the pot-holed road. My grip on the gun mount firms as I try to avoid being launched off the back of the tray. Perhaps wisely, we jump out at the

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trucks are ahead of us and it appears none can get up. Our man, however, is keen to give it a go. About a dozen trucks are waiting to make an attempt. Within an hour, there are more than forty. The trucks block both sides of the narrow road. They hold up cars packed with everyday Afghans, who are using the convoy as cover to make journey safely. Ahmed Wali says he’s on the way to a relative’s wedding in Tirin Kot. Does he know if the road is safe? “I don’t know. If the convoy goes, I go,” he says. A four-wheel drive tries to get around the gridlock so it can make an attempt up the hill. It gets trapped in a ditch and it takes several men to lift it out. A car coming the other way has also got stuck. Again, a joint operation is required to set it free. It’s a calamitous scene. Nearly two hours later, after at least seven failed attempts, our driver makes it up the hill.

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ON GUARD: Armed men watch the convoy as it crawls along pitted roads | Travis Beard

The muddy tracks have been dried out by the spinning wheels of his semi-trailer. We’re on our way again but we’re running late. The sun is lowering and we’ve still got several hours to go. “No problem, no problem,” our driver tells us. He then decides to stop at the next police checkpost, where he gets out to pray. Soon after the last of the light disappears, we come to another checkpost, which, we’re then told will be where we spend the night.

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It’s one thing moving slowly in a potential fireball, another when it’s parked in the middle of Taliban country. You’d think even a one-eyed Talib could hit a stationery target with an RPG. Our driver instructs us not to get out of the truck or let anyone else see that we are there. He tosses us some stale bread and half a dozen tomatoes and asks us not to drink all his Red Bull. He then pulls the curtain around the windows. We wake at dawn, rested but malnourished.

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Danger scene

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The police give the green light for the trucks to continue on to Tirin Kit, which we’re told is only about an hour or two away. The road has become paved and for the first time on the route our speed is above 30km/h. As we pick up speed down the highway, a truck in front of us suddenly swerves off the road, the driver corrects and the truck sways to a tipping point before he regains control. As we overtake him, our driver abuses him for his carelessness. “Pakistani drivers are no good,” he tells me. As we draw closer to Tirin Kot, there are fewer and fewer police manning the road Our driver jokes upon seeing Camp Holland that now the danger is over, which is odd given he spent the trip telling us there was no danger. He slots his truck behind a group of about 40 that have beaten us to the camp. We’re told none of the convoy was attacked yet some had broken down. The drivers lay out blankets and sit in front of the trucks, cook scrambled eggs and drink chai. The need for Red Bull is over. They’ll spend a lazy ten days or so waiting for the NATO machine to search, verify and then take receipt of their payload. We’re invited to wait around and join the convoy for the return leg to Kandahar. Unsurprisingly, we decline, instead hitching a ride on a C130 to Bagram, where we’re initially prevented from walking off the base to grab a yellow taxi back to Kabul. We’re told that would be suicidal. �

STANDBY: Police to the rescue | Travis Beard

KELLY’S HERO: Travis and Jeremy celebrate their successful arrival in Tirin Kot

Kabul Fashion Week receives criticism that models don’t reflect the shape of real women.

Jeremy Kelly is an Australian journalist and photographer who first visited Afghanistan under Taliban rule in 1998. He has lived here since 2005. His preferred method of transport is a motorbike.

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Party scene

Party scene

Afghan Scene July 2009

Afghan Scene July 2009

Be scene

Share your event or party pics with Aghan Scene. email [email protected]

SHANE’S WORLD: Singer Shane and Ingo at Gilly’s Yes Logo party

SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE: Ben cut a dash at the Yes Logo party

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MAN SANDWICH: Ash, Jerome and Fis take a ride across Kabul on a motorbike

FLUFF DADDY: Cross-dressing Jon takes a puff

SCORCHER: Vanessa at the campfire at the Yes Logo bash

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BLONDE GIRLS: Trudi, Sophie and Michelle at Jackie J’s BBQ

STUNNING: Mr and Mrs Straziuso caught in headlights at the frat house

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VEEGEES: Filippo, Viani and AJ get in the mood mid-week at L’Atmosphere

WOOF WOOF: Fis and Kim Barker at the frat house

GRIN TIMES: Smiley Dimitar and Laura at the frat house BBQ

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BOOM: Miles and Jonathan watch 80 tons of drugs go up in smoke

BESPOKES-MEN: Dapper lads Haleem and spokesman Zalmai at the embassy

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AUSSIE RULES: Down under’s diplomat Rod Cocks and the deputy Oz ambassador Leann at the Queen’s Official Birthday Party

TETE A TETE: Emal Maqsood and Hafeez Monsef share a moment at the Queen’s Birthday Party

BEARDIE WEIRDIES: Andrew Schofer and Ben Farmer at the QOB

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FOR US ZE BEER IS OVER: Brit defence attache Simon Diggins (right) on duty with German Michael Graf von Magnis and Col Paul.

FIRST SECS: Diplomats Tom and Caroline at the Queen’s Official Birthday Party

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LEFT IN THE SHADES: Mark, John and Sam at the Ditchling vs Afghanistan cricket match, outside HQ ISAF

SEIZE THE DAY: Brit ambo Mark Sedwill gets to grips with press attache Catherine Day

HEDGING HER BETS: Hannah Hedges with colleagues Dave and Roger

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Party scene

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THE L’A TEAM: L’Atmo lads Bashir, Sohib, Rohulla and Basir take a moment to pose for Scene

LEZ BE FRIENDS: Kabul honeys Lesley and Anna at Dee Dee & Richard’s farewell

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PATE MATES: Le journos Luc, Aurelia and Remy in L’Atmosphere

THE LADY GILLERS: Karen and Amy Gill on the prowl at L’Atmosphere

FINDING THEIR NICHE: Scott and Tara get candlelit at the frat house BBQ

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VIK-TORIOUS: Olly Vik, centre, says “Goodbye Afghanistan” with Madoka, left and Seh Lih

ANYONE FOR SHERRY?: Gemma and Dan Sherry at Jackie J’s BBQ

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HOWZAT: Martin Patience (left) and Chris Sergeant (right) inspect the final score at the Ditchling cricket match

JACK’S BACK: Movie man Sam and Jackie J, back in Kabul from Bangkok

HERE’S ONE I PLAYED EARLIER: Former Blue Peter presenter Jamie Theakston

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Party scene Feature scene

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NO WAY: Jose and Ash at Jackie J’s bumper BBQ

EVERYTHING AKE?: Security man Fraser and the boy Patience at L’Atmo

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VANITY WHERE: Glossy girls Vero and Janine on assignment in the Gandamack

SPECS APPEAL: Richard and Hamish at the former’s farewell

GUITARDED: Travis on bass at the Yes Logo party

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Afghan Scene July 2009

Fashion scene

Fashion scene

Afghan Afghan Scene Scene July July 2009 2009

Afghan Scene July 2009

The night

Kabulcame to

Notting Hill In March London’s fashionistas were wowed by spectacular display of Afghan couture. BRIDGET COWPERCOLES describes how the Afghanaid fundraiser came about

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t all began in North London. I had gone there to meet a group of Afghan ladies who were all desperately trying to raise money to help women in Afghanistan. One of them, an 18 year old called Hawa Bavary, pushed me for ideas and I suggested they could put on an Afghan fashion show. On my two visits to Afghanistan I had met lots of women in Kabul who were making clothes from local materials and I’d previously looked into trying to find ways to sell Afghan handicrafts in the UK as way of creating a little income for the many war widows. I did not, however, think I would be the one to organise a fashion show, something I had never done before. But when I left the women in North London I felt that if I mentioned it often enough then someone would eventually pick up the ball and run with it. But over the next few weeks Hawa would ring me regularly and ask how plans were going. Luckily I was able to tell her that I had finally received permission to visit Afghanistan again and I would raise the idea there. In Kabul in October, I asked Mina Sherzoy of AWWSOM and Zolaykha Sherzad of Zarif whether they would like to contribute clothes. The idea would be to feature three or four designers after starting the evening with a display of traditional costumes to show where so many of the designers’ ideas came from. So now the commitment was made. Hawa and her three sisters, I and my daughter and a few old Afghan hands met from time to time, getting nowhere on finding a venue of what to do with any money raised. Finally, just before Christmas, we heard of the 20th Century Theatre just off the Portobello

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FURRY MUFF: It’s all for charity | Leslie Knott

YOUR EXCELLENCY: Afghanistan’s ambassador to London, Dr Rahim Sherzoi, meets and greets | Sherard Cowper-Coles

Road in Notting Hill. And we discovered Afghanaid, which did just the sort of charity work we liked. The venerable Afghan NGO carefully monitors the drip feed of money given to projects, which in our case would be going into building schools and giving vocational training to girls and women. Even more reassuring was the fact that 98 per cent of their workforce is Afghan, many of whom have been working for Afghanaid for decades. So we were now committed, and in our slightly daffy way continued to ask for help and advice from everyone who knew anything about Afghan clothes, putting on a fashion

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“The models had never had such an appreciative audience and raved about the evening” STITCH-UP: Catwalk beauty in a traditional embroidered dress | Sherard Cowper-Coles

DYED IN THE WOOL: The traditional section of the night’s festivities | Leslie Knott

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BEEBILCIOUS: BBC anchor Lyse Doucet snapped by a paparazzo as she arrives at the 20th Century Theatre | Sherard Cowper-Coles

show or anything about charity events. The 20th Century Theatre was full of very generous people prepared to do the lighting and sound for very little. A lady doctor who had danced professionally stepped in a few weeks before the night and offered to use all her contacts to set up the music, design and choreography for the event – all things that I had not even begun to consider! Amazingly everything came together in the last three days. We had the models, the clothes, and a professional show all there on the night, along with a huge number of volunteers who worked their socks off from early morning until long past midnight. We could have sold at least twice as many tickets but were restricted with numbers. The

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SPLENDID: Charity big-wig Elizabeth Winter after the show | Sherard Cowper-Coles

people who came enjoyed a wonderful and original show. Lyse Doucet spoke clearly and movingly about the desperate desire of women in Afghanistan for education. Then the volunteer models appeared in a wonderful array of traditional costumes that had been lent to us by members of the Afghan community in London. Then came the main event - the displays of the three collections we had flown over from Kabul. I am pleased to say that the models, who had never had such an appreciative audience, raved about the evening. The designer from Zarif was there in person and managed to sell a staggering number of clothes. I still have people asking for more. Most touching for me was how happy all our Afghan friends were to have an event about

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We will never see these schools. But I feel fiercely that having been raised in a society where education and freedom to explore ideas is the norm, I owe it to people in a society where poverty and civil war have destroyed so much of the infrastructure to do my bit to help restore opportunities for education. On an evening when financial forecasts in the UK could not have been gloomier it was heart-warming to see how generous people were with their time and money. Many people have asked about “the next fashion show” and are practically ordering their SUPER ENVOYS: Sherard and Bridget Cowper-Coles on the hunt tickets now. I am still in deep shock at how for Afghan fashion close we came to disaster but very smug about Afghanistan which was simply about beauty what a success the event in fact was. But it will and creativity – we all know the other side of take many months before I could even begin the story all too well. to think about starting such a project again, Money is still trickling in but we are creeping and perhaps a better staged event would not nearer to the $30,700 mark, which should just have had the rush and energy of our cobbled about set up two rural schools. together, amateur production.�

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• Proven technical expertise: AfghanITT is a Cisco Certified Partner with sales and technical expertise in switching, routing, security and wireless solutions for SMB customers, allowing them to deliver the new solutions you demand. • Focus on customer satisfaction: With access to the same online customer satisfaction evaluation tools Cisco uses to evaluate its own performance, we can identify strengths and develop targeted plans to serve your needs. Learn how Cisco is helping transform businesses. Contact AfghanITT today. Call +93 799 622 868 or email [email protected] to find out more.

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Poems

Abu Fazl – A Mujahid’s Wish From His Mother January 2009

from the

Mother! Pray for me, I am going to the battle tomorrow; I am going for Allah’s satisfaction, without delay; Battle has many rewards; Allah will grant me paradise; If I am martyred, I’ll go to my leader with a white face; If I head to my trench To fight against the invader, I like pride, and will go to the afterlife with pride. If I don’t make it back home, This is my will to my father and mother: Don’t be impatient; I am heading towards doomsday with a red shroud Until the homeland becomes free When all the betrayers are suppressed. I’ll go to the punishing plains of war with great courage; You became Allah’s blessing for us; Now, we all accept you, Abul Fazl; I’ll ascend to the sky in great honour

underground It may not be Wordsworth but the oral poems sung by the Taliban have a lot to tell us about the state of Afghanistan. Here AFGHANWIRE.COM unpicks the verse of war

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veryone’s doing it. From Moby Media Updates to Yahoo’s brrafghan mailing list, there are countless internet bulletins and ‘media monitoring’ services that bring the so-called voice of the Taliban to your laptop screen. I can read about the hundreds of planes that are shot down each day, or the apparent thousands of foreign soldiers being killed in ambushes across the country. But the official cultural output – and if it appears on Shahamat, the official website, then it must be seen as part of their public persona – is left untranslated, and a whole face of the Taliban remains veiled. The Pashtun tradition of poetry is closely associated with that of song, and the ‘poems’ published here as illustrations of a vast and varied body of work should not be read as written artefacts. They are meant to be recited and sung and this is the form in which they are consumed by the wider Pashtun public. From audiotapes traded in secret in the bazaars of

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Kandahar, to mp3s exchanged via bluetooth in Kabul, to video files downloaded in London, this cultural output has a wide reach. For the Taliban today, these poems or nasheed (one popular form) claim a resonance dating back to the 1980s jihad against the Soviets, when very much the same rhetorical styles, poetic formulae and tricks with metre were employed. Sometimes these older examples are even published on the website, mixed in with newer additions, but with little to distinguish one from another. These poems cover a wide range of themes and styles: the political often brushes up close with the aesthetic; the celebratory cry is never far from the funeral dirge and praise of martyrs lost. To read and experience the breadth of emotional register should be an essential first step in creating an intellectual and human engagement with those across the divide of our understanding.�

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Condolences of Bush and Karzai December 2008 Karzai: Oh hello, my lord Bush; Now that you’ve gone, who did you leave me with? Bush: My slave, dear Karzai! Don’t be upset; I am handing you over to Obama. Karzai: These words make me happy. Tell me, how long will I be here? Bush: Karzai! Wait for a year; Don’t come till I send someone else there. Karzai: Life is tough without you my darling;

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I share in your grief; I am coming to you. Bush: As for death, we’ll both die; Alas, we’ll be first and next. Karzai: Give me your hand as you go; Turn your face as you disappear. Bush: Sorrow takes over and overwhelms; My darling! Take care of yourself and I will take care of myself. Karzai: Mountains separate you from me; Say hello to the white moon and I’ll do so as well.

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Najibullah Akrami - Poem November 2008 Who am I? What am I doing? How did I come here? There is no house or love for me; I am homeless, without a homeland; I don’t have a place in this world; They don’t let me to rest There are shots fired, and gunpowder here, A shower of bullets; To where should I go then? There is no place for me in this world. A small house I had from father and grandfather In which I knew happiness; My beloved and I would live there; They were great beauteous times; We would sacrifice ourselves for each other; But suddenly a guest came. I let him be for two days, But after these two days passed The guest became the host; He told me, ‘you came today, Be careful not to return tomorrow.’

Nasim Storay - Funerals September 2008 The veils of modesty are seen removed; Now the lights of his home are seen switched off. Bareheaded, mother is wandering like a vagrant; Flames of force, injustice and cruelty is seen; They can’t kill the guilty; Graveyards or innocents are seen As she was assaulted; The young girl is seen defenseless; This is the life of a slave, the time of a slave; The eyes of justice are blind; Oh Nasim Storai! In our country The funerals of maidens are seen. AfghanWire.com is a service founded and run by Alex Strick van Linschoten and Felix Kuehn. It has recently resumed a limited service and is available free online and via email newsletter. They will be releasing an English translation of the Taliban’s complete poetic output since 2006 along with a longer contextual essay soon. 50

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Lifting thelid on d’affair Semple STEPHEN GREY reveals the true story behind the expulsion of former deputy EU mission head Michael Semple

Michael Semple, (left) in Nangahar, December 2007

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he mission of the European Union, Kabul. Michael Semple was at his desk and glancing at his diary. He was halfway through a busy day – nine meetings, beginning with breakfast with a close relative of the elusive Taliban supreme leader, Mullah Omar, and with an office call to a senior official in Afghan intelligence, the NDS, planned for 15.30. His mobile phone rang. It was Naquib, his Afghan partner, calling from a guesthouse in the city suburbs. He spoke in code, something like: “The Eagle has landed!” In all his months of meeting with the Taliban, people always wondered how exactly Semple did it. Was he mad or foolish? How could he meet these people safely? Did he have to be disguised or protected? But Semple had a big secret: rather than disappearing off to meet the Taliban, the Taliban came to him, frequently in Kabul. It said something about the nature of this war. The British and Americans wore uniforms, looked foreign and drove about in armoured cars. Moving just 10 miles took hours of planning. But their enemy wore no uniform. They had the freedom of the roads. A Taliban leader could wake up in a Helmand trench one morning, put down his AK-47, get a lift to Kandahar and a bus to Kabul and be up there in a single day. Semple threw his laptop into his briefcase and jumped into his office car. As his car honked its way through the crowded streets he thought about the man who was waiting for him – a top Taliban commander. He could not but admire his courage. If anyone from his side found out about the talks, he could be hanged. A field worker for Semple had been wooing this man and had tracked him down deep in Taliban

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territory. After meeting him face to face, the field worker suggested the commander simply jump in a car to meet up with Naquib and Semple. And the commander had agreed. Meeting Afghans and winning their trust involved rituals – and a language that went beyond words. As he entered the guesthouse, Semple could see that Naquib had placed the commander on a couch, not on floor cushions. “OK, he is urbanized,” thought Semple, reading the clue. The commander – whose name Semple still keeps secret – rose up and hugged the Irishman. There was a routine: arms round chest, pull left, pull right, pull left again, lean back and shake hands. The two men looked at each other and compared beards. His was a little longer than Semple’s but with no wavy edges, revealing that he trimmed it. “In local terms that meant he was a liberal!” explained Semple later. His headgear gave away a little more. It was a simple grey-checked kefiya scarf, rather than the rolled-up 9 yards of black silk that hardliners seemed to find essential. He looked Semple straight in the eye through a

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BEARD-OFF: Michael Semple takes on the folicularly gifted locals

pair of professorial spectacles without tints. “Confident!” thought Semple. The commander got quickly to the point. It was about trust. A high-up Taliban official shared the commander’s view that the fighting would have no happy ending. He knew about Semple’s and Naquib’s reconciliation work. But to end the fighting in his area he needed to trust both foreign forces and the Afghan government. “Can I trust you? And can I trust them?” he asked. Semple knew something of this man by reputation and the fighters he led, some of the fiercest and apparently intransigent Taliban groups that were in battle with NATO forces. And yet here he was, sharing with him a cup of tea from a silver-coloured teapot and picking at

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the sugared almonds and toffees. They jousted over who should pour the tea. “You are a guest,” said the commander. “No you are a guest,” said Semple. The commander told his story in a few words. That was a good sign. Experience told Semple “to be wary of those who had too much to say”. This man was a real veteran, one who had fought as a Mujahidin against the Communist regime in Afghanistan in the 1970s – even before the Soviets had arrived. After the Soviets left, he went into business. And when the Taliban came he built cordial relations with them, but was never one of them. The new government under President Karzai had also given him high expectations. He built a fine house in the local district centre. ‘And

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BADLANDS: Stephen Grey with Brigadier Andrew Mackay in Musa Qala | Nick Cornish

then his local rivals tricked the Americans into trashing and looting his house, supposedly looking for the enemy,’ recalled Semple. After that the man headed for the mountains and joined the resistance. The war had taken hold and before long the government was driven from their area. Semple quizzed the commander about current details of the fighting, going through the picture village by village. It gave Semple a way of checking if this man was who he said he was. He appeared relaxed – tensing up only when he talked of civilian casualties. “I felt he was on the verge of tears,” he recalled. Talking fluently in Pashtu, Farsi and Urdu, the commander voiced his view that any peace settlement would be hard. He did not like the

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war. It had been forced on him and his people. But the men he led were tough and committed and would carry on fighting “however long their houses were bombarded”. “If I could really trust you and the government then it might be possible to find a way out of this,” he said, adding only that, while he could vouch for local Taliban fighters, he could not control the foreigners who joined the Taliban to fight their jihad. “They have their own reasons for what they do,” he said. The more the commander talked, the more excited Semple was. It was clear this man was not only a serious player, but also serious about a path to peace. Plying him with questions and bubbling with enthusiasm, he abandoned all thought of taking notes on his laptop. Naquib,

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who had already done his part, said nothing throughout, ready as the silent umpire to give his verdict afterwards. Semple felt a buzz of adrenalin. “We really have a chance to do some good, perhaps to save dozens of lives,” he thought. Semple asked the commander if he would stay the night. “We would be honoured. It is not good to travel back so late,” he said. But the commander knew his mind. He had to get back before he was missed. No one knew about his trip. Semple took his permission to get up and leave. Clambering into his official car, he got out his laptop and rattled off an excited note as his driver, Waheed, pushed through the traffic. He was on his way to his next appointment with Dr Abdullah, the deputy head of the NDS and a small man in a big office of panelled walls. Semple had heard stories of the gadgets the walls concealed. This afternoon, Abdullah was full of energy and enthused over what Semple was doing. They talked of what lay ahead. As Semple recorded in his computer that night, the spy chief’s view was that the main obstacles were ‘corrupt ministers’ and provincial governors. Looking back, Semple would see those words as prescient. Semple told Abdullah he was pushing ahead in Helmand province and would tell him if he needed help. He raised the question of backing

BUY AT $3.50: Stephen grey takes cover in Musa Qala

from President Karzai. Abdullah said that Karzai was positive. “I suggested it might be useful for us both to discuss it with the president – so I could say nice things about the NDS, and the NDS could say nice things about me!” recalled Semple. Abdullah described that as a ‘wonderful idea’. The meeting with Karzai never happened, though. The commander that Semple had met that day had said pointedly he believed a negotiated peace was possible “if only we could trust the government”. Did he know something that Semple was ignoring? �

Creative Services | TV and Radio Production | Rental and Leasing

Stephen Grey is a London based journalist who writes about security issues for the Sunday Times, The New York Times, the Guardian and BBC’s Newsnight among others. Operation Snakebite is his second book and is available to buy at the Gandamack Lodge.

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Wakhanon the wild side Scene’s top restaurant sleuth ROSEMARY STASEK gives her verdict on Kabul’s hottest new cafe

Wakhan Café Kolola Poshta Street 5, turn left 0797-881881 9am-9pm everyday

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any great things have been accomplished because the people doing them had no idea how much work it would be before they started. Take the Wakhan Café for example. An IT guy and a finance guy sit down with a couple of friends and decide to open a coffee shop in some extra rooms downstairs from their company’s offices. How hard can it be to run a coffee shop and have a place to hang out with your friends? Maybe they should have asked someone first. But then we might not have the lovely Wakhan Café to enjoy. And lovely it is. Two restaurant novices head to Dubai and talk to five-star hotels on where they buy their coffee. They do Google searches on equipment. They get their friends to consult on décor. The first two turned out well. The friends ended painting the walls seven different colors before they finally got it right. The result is a classy, comfortable, contemporary coffee shop that after one month is already a popular spot. The setting is really what draws you in. A cool breezy patio, a grassy garden with Kabul’s own gorgeous roses and then a dimmer, quiet interior. Whatever type of atmosphere you’d like you’ll find a table or couch that fits. You’ll also find whatever brought you to a coffee shop in the first place. Five-star imported coffee made in the Ferrari of Italian coffee makers. All the syrups you might want for that extra flavor. Teas, smoothies, fresh fruit juices all top notch. Fresh sweets daily to go with it if you like. Customers told them they wanted food as well. With help from Kabul’s own International Celebrity Chef they developed a very simple

menu with café items like panini, salad, wraps and thin crust pizza. Running a restaurant turned out to be a lot of work. You need to get food out of the kitchen fast and it needs to be ruthlessly consistent

SALAD DAYS: A healthier option for weight watching customers | Guilad Kahn

GOT IT WRAPPED: For light meals and snacks the cafe has got it all | Guilad Kahn

PIZZALICIOUS: The thin crust Italian staple has gone down a strom | Guilad Kahn 58

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CAFFEINE HIT: Extra attention goes into making the perfect brew | Leslie Knott

FAJ-EATER: Wakhan waiter gets out the Tex Mex | Leslie Knott

c COOL KIDS: A crowd of hipsters at the Wakhan Cafe | Leslie Knott

SECRET GARDEN: The Wahkan Cafe’s al-fresco space | Guilad Kahn

every time. Things got off to a shaky start. Food took too long to get to the table, nothing ever came out quite the same way twice and those potatoes. Let’s just say the potatoes were a soggy disaster. A new cook, new kitchen systems and I can tell you the food is well on the way. Excellent thin crust pizza, tasty wraps and panini and fresh salads. A simple menu well done can be all you need. I still don’t like the potatoes but at least they’re crispy now. Farshid said their target market was young internationals and returnees between 20 and 35 years old. But to his surprise: “Older people, like over 40, are coming in after work.” Your ancient over-40 reviewer restrained herself from beating him to death with her smoothie

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glass. He tried to make it up by telling me how I’d get 50 per cent off every Tuesday for Ladies’ Day. I was more impressed with what has to be the cleanest bathroom in town, thanks to Shakib the clean freak. Many folks enjoy the strict no-smoking-inside policy. Some folks aren’t happy with the no alcohol policy but the founders really feel it makes for a more comfortable, hassle-free environment. Thursday nights at the coffee shop are quiet though as a result. The rest of the week head to Wakhan Café if you’d like a great coffee shop drink and nice café food. With free wifi you can bring the laptop and pretend to work all afternoon. How hard can it be? �

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Rosemary Stasek has been enjoying the restaurant scene in Afghanistan for seven years and is grateful for a wonderful husband who always picks up the bills. She has short reviews of most Kabul restaurants at http://www.stasek. com/rrr.

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History’s lessons MAX BENITZ says an ambitious series of plays at London’s Tricycle Theatre says more about the writers’ prejudices than about Afghanistan

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he advert on the back of the programme for the ‘Great Game’ stage festival at London’s Tricycle Theatre sums this piece of overtly political theatre up quite succinctly. It is for a local South Asian restaurant that is ‘Highly Recommended by the Guardian’, the UK’s biggest left-leaning newspaper. There are two photos: one of “Red” Ken Livingstone, London’s recently deposed Labour mayor, the other of Ed Balls, Gordon Brown’s bunker-mate for the past decade. Both are smiling as they tuck into a buffet supper. In many ways the twelve plays that make up the series resemble the buffet on offer: local complexity is reduced, spiced and sweetened for the palette of those who wish to taste Afghan history and have their expectations precisely met. The plays are also highly recommended by the Guardian. Part One (1842-1930) begins with a flashforward to Herat in 1996. A mural painter is set upon by a group of Taliban police. As they cart him away he denounces them for destroying the Buddhas of Bamiyan. This basic factual error (the Buddhas were blown up in 2001) undermines the rest of this weak opening third of the event. In the first play four British buglers stand guard outside the gates of Jalalabad calling for survivors from Elphinstone’s destroyed Kabul Army who never come. As with nearly all the plays, the present situation in Afghanistan informs the writer’s slant on the past. The brutish soldiers concede that the country is a “death-trap for foreign armies” and that the “British Army relies on the enlistment of a high proportion of fools” – a remark which, predictably, gained appreciative

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chuckles from the audience. Author Stephen Jeffreys also hammers home the religion of the invaders by having them reference the Ark of the Covenant, the Cross and their souls. An Afghan man enters and, in contrast to the Brits who say “foogin” a lot, begins discussing musical counter-point and the art of conversation. He is murdered for his pains. The men in scarlet are savages, the man in the pakol is not. The audience seemed to breath a sigh of relief at this revelation.

“No minister is present, no one is taking notes and a plank of Foreign Policy is about to be tossed out of a fast moving plane” The second piece deals with the construction of the Durand Line. Michael Cochrane, an actor who pays his mortgage by playing LOUD POSH FOOLS, has Durand as a frock-coated philistine who spouts on about how Peshawar reminds him of “the best bits of Surrey”. In contrast, Paul Bhattacharjee’s Amir Abdur Rahman is a sensitive and perceptive man who appears to rehearse the ideas of Edward Said in 1893. It is western pride and an imagined perception of the orient that hold the seed of imperial destruction, we are informed. The action then shifts to today’s Foreign Office in Amit Gupta’s canny three-hander

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HANDS UP: Bullying Brits get their way in the Great Game | Tristram Kenton

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YES MINISTER: Afghan history, past and present | Tristram Kenton

REDS IN THE BED: The Communist period brought to life on stage in London | Tristram Kenton

COUCHED: Plays try to give context | Tristram Kenton

TALIBAN TERROR: Two actors get a rough handling during the Great Game | Tristram Kenton

Campaign. An expert on South Asia comes and gives a condensed history lecture to an oleaginous young politician seeking to spin Britain out of her involvement in Afghanistan. No minister is present, no one is taking notes and a plank of foreign policy is about to be tossed out of a fast moving plane. “That’s politics,” the MP explains to the startled looking academic. The concluding part of the opening third concerns King Amanullah Khan’s flight from Kabul in 1929. He is accompanied by Queen Soroya, her father Mahmud Tarzi and a British

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driver. Hounded from his capital due to his attempts at liberalisation and then let down by his Rolls Royce, Amanullah rages in a blizzard and eventually asks the driver to shoot him. As with other plays in the series, the condensed nature of the work forces the author to rely on deadening metaphor to draw a ‘lesson’ for today’s situation from an episode in the past. Part Two (1979-1996) begins with a retrospective of Soviet involvement in Afghanistan. The opening play tracks back from 1987 to 1981 and uses the device of a briefing room for new conscripts to illustrate

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WAR IS HELL-MAND: British squaddies in the souhern badlands | Tristram Kenton

how cynicism and brutality crept into the Soviet mission. The audience is directly addressed by Soviet officers who also remind them of today’s military PR with their talk of surges, IEDs and improved kit for soldiers. Internationalism is the new dogma brought to bear on Afghanistan, replacing the religious and imperialist motivations of the British. Along the way, ‘good’ intentions are shelved and the project descends into bloodshed. Blood and Gifts, by JT Rogers, tries to show us how. A CIA officer and a moderate Mujahedeen commander are shown meeting three times in the 1980s. They court one another in a slow dance of mistrust, acceptance and eventual betrayal. Rick Warden and Vincent Ebrahim’s solid performances supported a strongly written piece that illustrated the

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compromises that a proxy war demands of its actors. Another half hour and we’re in the 1990s, holed up with Dr Najibullah as the Taliban circles the UN compound. The old boxer dances to the Spice Girls, drinks whisky and rails against British Orientalism. “The British Empire was a bad thing,” the British writer interviewing him dutifully concedes. This was perhaps the strongest piece of theatre on offer as the author, David Greig, used a conceptual device (the interview as an overtly imagined event) to sidestep the earnest historical headlock his colleagues fell into. The final piece dealt with the surreal world of NGO work under the Taliban regime. A secular Muslim UN representative meets a Taliban Mullah in Kabul Zoo at night to discuss

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the fate of two of her local workers. They are dead, here are their murderers, watch as I throw them to the zoo’s lion, she is told. When the new creed of human rights meets the latest interpretation of Islam, both are revolted and violence ensues. The setting of the last play underlines the central problem with this project. From 19962001, western involvement inside Afghanistan was minimal but the writer decides to focus on the reaction of a westerner to the Taliban. Instead of this parochial British approach, why not commission a piece by an Afghan writer to tell his country’s story rather than risk a British writer getting it wrong? And where were plays dealing with Zahir Shah and Mohammed Daoud? Where indeed were the Afghan actors? We can only assume that the organisers wanted to craft a project that would go down well in London. Bizarrely, it is the character of Dr Najibullah who perhaps speaks for Afghans when he remarks to the theatre: “for you this is imaginary – for me this is real.” By seeking to tell Afghanistan’s story through the prism of foreign intervention the organisers of this event fell into a classic trap: they deny the agency of the people who they were trying to give voice to. Afghanistan is portrayed as a victim of competing sets of foreign ideology – whether it’s crude muscular Christianity or dodgy Marxism – rather than as a country bristling with ideas, talent and yes, its

BORDERING ON THE INSANE: Mortimer Durand leaves his mark on Amir Abdur Rahman | Tristram Kenton

own inherent problems (like everywhere else in the world). The first two thirds of ‘Great Game’ are happy to make many accusations but offer no answers. Despite some excellent sections, it succeeds only in reinforcing the sense of unease and the lazy “well, maybe everyone should just get out of there” feeling which I suspect most of the audience went into the theatre already thinking. This consensus with present British sentiment will also date this work rapidly. So, good in parts but vaguely indigestible and unsurprising – rather like a buffet in a London curry-house. �

Resting actor Max Benitz worked as an independent media consultant in Kabul last winter. He is hoping to join the British Army.

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View mountain The

from the

Original fiction from Badger and Whistle

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ristram Wallace Angusteen-Tittershaugh always had a thirst for adventure. He was a bright-eyed, gangly and somewhat callow youth with a shocking explosion of hair and the kind of dental challenges worthy of a double-page spread in The Lancet. As a boy he explored the family’s Highland estate with Durand, a cross-eyed Dalmatian from an ever-decreasing gene-pool who had a passion for legs and scaling the estate walls to savage poachers and tourists. He slung an old Jezail musket that GreatUncle Rory had brought-home from the Third Anglo-Afghan War over his unusually narrow shoulders and he set out to stalk the ‘natives’. They weren’t real ‘natives’ of course; though the infrequency with which the estate workers

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abluted lent them a mahogany, villous and rather malodorous disposition not unlike the Mooslim tribesmen described in G-U Rory’s diaries. They were housed in the staff cottages, piled around the backside of the estate. It took rather little of Tristram’s imagination to conjure-up great games and adventures of the Hindoo-Kush that summer. He would harry and hound the natives, practice rapid retreats through the woods and sit cross-legged by their fires, attempting to converse with these thickHighland fellows. Who knew that it would prepare him for a life-time of derring-do and over-achievement? By fifteen, Tristram was already a fellow at St Andrews University where he wore HarrisTweed and studied anthropology and basket-

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Afghan Scene July 2009

Afghan Scene July 2009

weaving techniques of the lesser tribes of South-Central Asia. He read Byron, Fitzroy Maclean, George Macdonald Fraser, Rumi and his favourite, the first Lady of Pink Prose, Cartland. He dreamed of one day following in G-U Rory’s club-footed steps; exploring the ancient land of Afghaaarnistaaarn and skipping across the Steppes of Central Asia. Every day he would groom the thin soft wisp of slug-shaped hair above his lip and hone his pipe-smoking skills (strictly a Shag man only). By eighteen he was a Captain in Her Majesty’s forces. By nineteen he had helped conquer small provinces in lesser-known and beastly, benighted countries. By twenty he had mastered the lute and he knew that the rest really would one-day become history. He tutored Kings and Queens, advised Princes and Presidents and pontificated to the masses. By twenty-two and a half he was ready to journey over the Hindoo Kush to a land in the mountains, trapped from the sea and isolated from the modern-world that very often held little but contempt and derision for Tristram. He gazed upon Kaboul for the first time, sat down with a grubby-looking native and was moved to verse;

KABUL CLASSIFIEDS

“Fair thee well oh land of new You don’t know me but I know you Modern, brash and all too bold Now rest my head in a land of old

Trying to sell a bicycle or looking for love?

Sallam Wa Leykooum Mooslim land I find thee here with my open-hand I spy a hill, a mountain-side Where I shall build and soon reside”

Afghan Scene is set to launch Afghanistan’s first comprehensive classified section for ex-pats, and all the ads are FREE.

And so it was there, on top of a crumbling hill, amongst the ruins of an ancient Mongol pissoir that Tristram W. A. Tittershaugh rested his sack. He squatted, strained a little and thought. This would be his new domain; on top of a peak with the world beneath his feet. He would assemble a team comprised of Britain’s youngest, brightest and fairest. He would sing, play the lute, recite poetry and build. And he would record it for posterity, for “the peoples of the world”. It would be called “The View from the Mountain”. �

Got a room to let or want to buy a house?

ALS PER PeSrsOonNals

nd his WLTM MLO a for Embassy girl iendship, but fr r fo t o n , mate ot required. fun. GSOH n

USED CAR S

why go els

ewhere to be cheated ? Come here first!

ALE F O R S ” Kevlar body s e hole thable

L O SLoTstCC AatT ! ! ! Tubby-w hite.Last seen at th Gun Club e Kabul shooting range.

rea mad New “B elmet. Man ignial h r& est. Or armou head and ch quires. ger re across no lon owner

So if you’ve got something you want to sell, be it a bicycle or body armour, furniture or a fridge, Scene Classifieds is the only place to go. 74

Afghan Scene July 2009

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Afghan Scene July 2009 Email: [email protected]

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Essential scene

Feature scene Afghan Scene July 2009

Afghan Scene July 2009

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Afghan Essentials Where to stay, where to eat, where to Shop. And how to pay for it. Afghan Scene Making Life Easier

Hotels and Guesthouses

Tel: 0700 293 124, 0799 356 319 Safi Landmark Hotel & Cabul Coffeehouse & Café Suites Street 6, on the left, Qale-e Charahi Ansari Fatullah Tel: 0752 005 275 Restaurants www.safilandmarkhotelLe Bistro suites.com One street up from Chicken Delivery Tel: 0202 203 131 Street, Behind the MOI,SharEasyfood Kabul Serena Hotel Delivers from any restaurant e Naw Tel: 0799-598852 Froshgah Street to your home Red Hot Sizzlin’ Steakhouse www.serenahotels.com www.easyfood.af District 16, Macroyan 1, Tel: 0799 654 000 Tel: 0796 555 000, 0796 Nader Hill Area 555 001 Tel: 0799 733 468 The Inter Continental Hotel Afghan Le Pelican Cafe du Kabul Baghe Bala Road Darulaman Road, almost www.intercontinentalkabul. Rumi Qala-e Fatullah Main Rd, opposite the Russian com Tel: 0202 201 321 between Streets 5 & 6 Embassy. Bright orange Gandamack Lodge Tel: 0799 557 021 guard box. Sherpur Square Sufi Tex Mex www.gandamacklodge. Muslim Street, Shar-e Naw La Cantina co.uk Tel: 0700 276 937 www.sufi.com.af Tel: 0774 Third left off Butcher St, 212 256, 0700 210 651 Shar-e Naw Mustafa Hotel Tel: 0798 271 915 Charahi Sadarat Herat Restaurant www.mustafahotel.com Shar-e Naw, main road, Lebanese Tel: 070 276 021 Diagonally opposite Cinema Taverne du Liban Park Street 15, Lane 3, Wazir Heetal Plaza Hotel Akbar Khan Street 14, Wazir Akbar Khan Khosha Restaurant Tel: 0799 828 376 Above the Golden Star www.heetal.com Tel: 0799 Hotel. Tel: 0799 888 999 The Grill 167 824, 0799 159 697 Street 15, Wazir Akbar Khan. Mixed/Western UNICA Guest House Tel: 0799 818 283, 0799 The Lounge Kolola Pushta, opposite 792 879 Lane 2, left, off Street 15, Royal Mattress Wazir Akbar Khan. Tel: 0796 Cedar House Tel: 0797 676 357 174 718, 0700 037 634 Behind Kabul City Centre, Fat Man/What-a-Burger Cafe Shar-e Naw The International Club Tel: 0799-121412 Wazir Akbar Khan, main Haji Yaqoob Square, Street road, On the bend near 3, Shar-e Naw. Turkish Masoud Circle Tel: 0700 298 Istanbul Tel: 0774 763 858 301, 0777 151 510 Main road, on the left, Golden Star Hotel between Massoud Circle L’Atmosphere Charrhay Haji Yaqoob, Jalalabad Road RoundaStreet 4, Taimani Shar-e Naw. www.kabulgobout. Tel: 0799-407818 Tel: 0798 224 982, 0798 ldenstarhotel.com 413 872 Iranian Tel: 0799 333 088, 0799 Flower Street Café Shandiz 557 281 Street 2, Qala-e Fatullah. Pakistan Embassy Street, off Street 14 Wazir Akbar Khan Tel: 0799-342928 76

AfghanScene SceneJuly July2009 2009 Afghan

Roshan Hotel Charaye Turabaz Khan, Shar-e Naw. Tel: 0799 335 424

Italian/Pizza Everest Pizza Street 10, Wazir Akbar Khan www.everestpizza.com Tel: 0700 263 636, 0779 317 979 Boccaccio Street 10, Wazir Akbar Khan Tel: 0799 200 600 Bella Italia Street 14, Wazir Akbar Khan Tel: 0799 600 666 Springfield Restaurant Lane 3, Street 15, Wazir Akbar Khan Tel: 0799 001 520 Indian Namaste Street 15, Wazir Akbar Khan, Between lanes 2 and 3 on the right. Tel: 0772 011 120 Delhi Darbar Shar-e Naw, close to UK Sports Tel: 0799 324 899 Anar Restaurant Lane 3, Street 14, Wazir Akbar Khan Tel: 0799 567 291 Chinese Golden Key Seafood Restaurant Lane 4, Street 13, Wazir Akbar Khan. Tel: 0799 002 800, 0799 343 319 Thai Mai Thai House 38, Lane 2, Street 15, Wazir Akbar Khan Tel:0796 423 040 Korean New World Between Charayi Haji Yacub and Charayi Ansari, on the right. Shar-e Naw. Tel: 0799 199 509

Supermarkets, Grocers & Butchers

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A-One Bottom of Shar-e Naw Park Chelsea Shar-e Naw main road, opposite Kabul Bank Spinneys Wazir Akbar Khan, opposite British Embassy Finest Wazir Akbar Khan Roundabout Fat Man Forest Wazir Akbar Khan, main road. Enyat Modern Butcher Qala-e Fatullah main road, Near street four

ATMs Kabul City Centre, Shar-e Naw (AIB) AIB Main Office, Opposite Camp Eggers (AIB) AIB Shar-e Naw Branch, next to Chelsea Supermarket (AIB) HQ ISAF, Outside Cianos Pizzeria, US Embassy Street (AIB) KAIA Military Airbase, Outside Cianos Pizzeria, Airport (AIB) Finest Supermarket, Wazir Akbar Khan (AIB) World Bank Guard Hut, Street 15 Wazir Akbar Khan (Standard Chartered) Standard Chartered Branch, Street 10, Wazir Akbar Khan (Standard Chartered)

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Afghan Scene July 2009

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Picture scene

Afghan Scene July 2009

Afghan Scene July 2009

SEPARATED

BIRTH!

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UNAMA Supremo ‘Al’ Kai Eide Oscar winner Bill Nighy

r end you Please s stions sugge r@ to edito e.com. cen afghansst entries Wittie printed will be onth. next m

Afghan Scene July 2009

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Caption Competition

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Farewell scene

Farewell scene

Afghan Afghan Scene Scene July July 2009 2009

Afghan Scene July 2009

He Says

She Says

Dutch Journalist DEEDEE DERKSEN and British elections expert RICHARD ATWOOD left Kabul last month to start a new life together in Europe. Here they explain how they met and what they’ll miss

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Afghan Afghan Scene Scene July July 2009 2009

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ASM: When did you first come to Afghanistan?

She: August 2006. My first trip was to Uruzgan, where I ate Dutch sauerkraut covered with Afghan sand. ASM: Best of times? He: A trip to Mazar with Deedee last summer. We stopped to swim in the King’s summer palace pool. Mango season. Then election day in 2005. She: Meeting Richard. Swimming in the pool of the King’s summer palace near Mazar-iSharif and eating the most delicious melon ever afterwards. Going furniture shopping with my housemates Tom and John in Chicken street. The house remained empty, but we had a lot of fun. ASM: Worst of times? He: That’s more difficult. Deedee MIA in Uruzgan wasn’t a high point. She: Going shopping for clothes in the Kabul City Centre. ASM: What next? He: We’re moving to Brussels. Deedee will write a book. I’ll join the International Crisis Group and walk to work. She: Seeing my friends in Holland, shopping in London and having a Belgium beer on a Brussels terrace. ASM: Any plans to come back?

He: I first came in February 2005. It was too cloudy for the plane to fly. So I ended up driving in over the Khyber pass, which was a tremendous introduction.

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He: Nothing definite yet, but I hope I’ll come back. She: Yes! �

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