Ap English 3 Satire Essay (no Child Left Behind)

Amy Gong AP Language & Composition – 5th O’Neal November 20, 2009 Word Count: 1,143 A Smart Proposal The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 was signed by President Bush on June 2, 2002, with the purpose of improving education by setting standards that all children across America need to meet and by placing emphasis on the core classes of math, reading and writing. However, the NCLB has not been able to achieve its goals: the act has been criticized for failing to help minority groups (particularly the ethnic minorities) receive a better education and for hindering any real educational development in America’s youth because of the pedantic scope of study that schools cover in order to adhere with set standards. Under the NCLB, all students attending American public schools must show proficiency in math and reading by 2014. The test scores of all racial minority groups in a school must show progress every year, or the school will risk losing federal funds. Unfortunately, schools have been “gaming the system.” Schools that seem to be infected with high levels of an epidemic that I like to call “the Stupid” go through desperate measures to ensure that they get their money, and it isn’t pretty; teachers, it seems, are getting paid to “help” their students pass the state standardized assessment.*(Props to you on this one, HISD. How many years in a row have we seen you on the news for this?) The NCLB has also been criticized for encouraging, rewarding, and teaching children to score well on state standardized testing; rather than spend time analyzing information, students are mindlessly

Amy Gong AP Language & Composition – 5th O’Neal November 20, 2009 Word Count: 1,143 “memorizing” the test; education now stresses “success” in the three hillbilly Rs – reading, ‘riting and ‘rithmetic – and largely ignores other important subjects such as foreign languages, history and science. Thus, my intensely stressful research has brought me to the problem that America now faces: the No Child Left Behind Act cannot do any good because it is allowing states to disregard the struggling minorities and is holding back those who have intellectual potential but are burdened by their daft and ludicrous classmates. *I am offended. Why didn’t I get paid for letting that kid cheat off of me last year helping that kid last year?

However, I have come to the conclusion that the problem with the NCLB lies inherently in the fact that the act is trying too hard to save students who simply cannot be saved. Therefore, rather than provide all students in America with a narrow-minded education, students should be selected to receive an education. I propose that at the ripe age of five, all students should take a preliminary test to determine their IQ levels and work ethics. The top twenty-fifth percentile of students in each ethnic category shall then go on to receive a well-rounded education that most others would find too obtuse to understand. Those who fall in the range of the top twentyfifth and top seventy-fifth percentile will be allocated a menial, blue-collar or white-collar job to perform in the future, and then will be sent off to a vocational school to train for their jobs. And finally, the lower twenty-fifth percentile of students will have no need for an education; they will be the

Amy Gong AP Language & Composition – 5th O’Neal November 20, 2009 Word Count: 1,143 ones who will perform the low-paying labor jobs that no one in America is willing or able to undertake. The assignment of these jobs will be based on how America has stereotypically categorized each ethnic group. Hispanics will be taught how to mow lawns and clean houses; Asians, how to run a beauty salon or Chinese restaurant; Africans, how to peddle drugs. The Native children will learn how to run a successful gambling casino. Not to be forgotten, the lower percentile of Caucasians will be grouped as those who will do nothing with their lives. Drug addiction and alcoholism shall be confined within this category of the American race (I know this may be shocking news, but drug and alcohol use is not possible to eradicate, no matter how hard you try). To the casual reader, my proposal may seem outrageous and communistic, probably even dictatorial. To the casual reader, it would almost seem as if segregation is slowly reappearing in America. However, the casual reader would not have been in the “upper twenty-fifth percentile.” The plan contains many benefits which will be seen across the board in America. First, the quality of education of those who have actual potential will grow exponentially. Rather than focus on the mind-numbing subjects that are currently being tested under the NCLB, these students will have the opportunity to practice critical pedagogy and have a deeper understanding of our world, both physically and metaphysically. These children will mature with such a dynamic education that they will give America the competitive

Amy Gong AP Language & Composition – 5th O’Neal November 20, 2009 Word Count: 1,143 edge in all aspects of society. Our children will be superior to those of other nations in virtually everything: research, information and technology, political leadership and diplomacy, business, and economics. Secondly, the group of children who will become the future working class will revolutionize how smoothly business runs. They will know their jobs wholly by the time they enter the real world through their education. Resultantly, business efficiency will be improved vastly. By my scholarly estimation, workplace productivity will be improved by almost 40% because employees will no longer waste their days browsing the Internet because they don’t know how to carry out their jobs. Finally, I will address what will be the biggest objection to my plan: the lower-tier students. From their test results, these students will clearly show no will to succeed in their education, thereby proving that they have neither the will nor the motivation to work hard and succeed in life. So, these children will be trained from the start for failure in the eyes of society rather than have government funds wasted on them. By training for a specific vocation that is predominantly associated with their race, these children will feel as if they finally fit in with society because they will be mingling with like objects. Racial segregation is most definitely not occurring either, because the Caucasians will have continual contact with their African dealers, and the Asians, Hispanics and Natives will have constant contact with people of all races.

Amy Gong AP Language & Composition – 5th O’Neal November 20, 2009 Word Count: 1,143 I can see no standing objections to this plan. Clearly, my proposal will serve to benefit the United States of America without doing any harm. Through its implementation, we will eliminate the need for our beloved standardized testing, as everyone receiving an education will be far above the set par. Yet, although I ardently support this proposition, I do not expect to see it implemented anytime in the future. I can see that there is a need to blackmail encourage public schools to provide more opportunities to children across America. Nonetheless, I do recommend that students achieve in what they do on their own accord. Might I suggest some Adderall or Ritalin? ** **Please don’t.