A Tribute To Vyagalamma On Mother

A tribute to Vyagalamma on Mother’s Day Nancy Regan famous quote “ A woman is like a tea bag, one gets to know its strength once it is dipped in hot water” suited Vygala a woman from Mysore who lives in the memories of her children and grandchildren. Had Vyagalamma been alive today she would be a centenarian. She died in 1979 when her kidneys failed her. She lives in her children and grandchildren’s memories as a pillar of strength and this dedicated to her memory. Vyagala was 13 years old when her brother bought a friend and introduced him to the family. He informed that the friend’s family owned coffee estates in Croog and would be a suitable bridegroom for Vyagala. The girl playing around the house tormenting her Portuguese step mother, looked over her shoulder, did not like what she saw but kept quiet. All these men at home were mostly in Military Uniforms and never really spoke to them. The Stepmother was a young woman with braided hair tied firmly criss- crossed making her look still like a child, she did not say a word for or against this proposal. She was somehow left in a convent and the orphan was chosen by Vyagala father to be his second wife. With this courtesy visit Vygala fate got sealed. The day of marriage was not much different from other days, owing to the fact that the Vyagala family was one which was recently converted to Roman Catholic; she was being married to a Lingayat farm owner who promised to marry in Church. Many of her relatives were converts in other Christian groups too. Vyagala father served the English Army those days and like to believe that his daughter would enjoy being owner of an estate. The Estate was huge and her husband had separate quarters at the farm and so Vyagala played a lot and slowly learned to keep the house and learned farm work, especially keeping a tag of all the produce from the estate and farm. She was good at Supervision and kept accounts of everything. Her days were busy, but the in laws were not all obliging, a brother – in – law was kind but he seldom got his say in the family. Vygala was in her twenties when she realized her burden, she had six children, all girls except for the first born. He seemed to be good with his hands, played the drum well, but was very fidgety, was not the one to listen. Well, he was her son and she cared. Vyagala, now knew that she had been very ignorant and with no family support from the in laws , the marriage was not the one her brother intended. Her husband was an alcoholic and not of a very good character. He kept telling her that he was not very well and thus would need his nurse to be with him and in her ignorance Vygala would carry the children and shift from the small house to the Verandah. How cold it was there in the morning and after her coffee which she shared with the husband and the nurse she would be on her way to oversee the work at the estate. Her work got over only after mid night most days, but she was enthusiastic and self motivated and did not have a problem with long hours. Her parents had died and these days while she met her brothers and cousins was always for very short visits. She had another problem, she with child again, her work at the estate which she was now doing without her husbands help was tedious. One day Vygala’s husband complained of severe pain in the abdomen which as it increased he cried out to her, called her inside and told her how sorry he was that he had wronged her all through these days. He was dying. Vyagala, knew that the family would not let be at the estate if he died and killing her and her children was a simple thing, for those who eyed the property. Who would she turn to, her decision was made, she would take her children and her meager belonging, which was some money and her ornaments, to the city ( Mysore), she would rent a house and secure the family. She gave up her rights to the land to secure her children’s safety. Before she started out her brother who was an officer in the Army by then and had a big family visited her, his offer was that she leave the children in Croog, they could be settled into an orphanage and he would look for a Catholic alliance for her. She was very good looking and the hard work at the estate only added to her built, he was sure she could be settled well again. His only problem was the child still in the womb. What would they do?

She would face his threat of not meeting her again, but she did not abandon her children, they were her strength, she took them to Mysore like she decided. It took her some days to settle them and she went up to big farm owners who needed Supervisors for their warehouses, she knew her work of drying, cleaning and bagging and stacking. Sometimes she was paid with millet and paddy, sometimes with money. A six pence would carry her through the week very well, she needed to keep some saving for the time of birth of this seventh child who would never be aware of who his father was. That day Vygala had woken up, early even the cock had not crowed and saw that her fourth daughter was awake too, so she called her and gave her some rice and curry to eat, this was the left over from the previous evening meal she had cooked. This was she usually ate before she left for work, she would carry some millet dough balls for work, she would eat this dry with some raw onion for lunch. It was a bleak day; it had been raining all night. She put the child she had fed to sleep again, told her to go out during the day and see if she could attend the local school and went out. It was still not yet 5 am in the morning, she was scared but she had to go. Vygala got to her work place by 5.30 still in dark because of clouded sky. It was lunch time and she was just sitting down to have her lunch, her stomach was big with the child, and even walking was taking time. She saw that her elder son was running towards her, how he had got the guard to let him in surprised her, he was breathless. She walked as fast as she could with him, when they reached back, the younger girls were crying, the neighbors were at her house, they broke the sad news to her. Her two older daughters had been playing in the rain, they gathered some water dripping from the roof tiles in their cupped hands and drank it. It was only their still and cold bodies which were lying on the floor for Vygala to see. The younger children were crying not knowing what to do. Vygala had no tears in her eyes, her only concern was to save the other children. Vygala never considered the episode normal. Something had to be terribly wrong, she had survived with the children on the hostile farm, there there were snakes, wolves… it did not happen there. She made a quiet vow; she had to find a safer place for the children. For the burial, she took her elder son and visited the local church, they would help her. She sent a word to her cousin in Bangalore, he would visit them. She looked for a safe locality and settled there. The child was also born, it was boy, this brought her joy. This is the boy who will be with me in my old age she thought. The new house was good, the locality had a school and very kind teachers who took her daughters and admitted them into classes as per their caliber. The elder girl called Abhishekam did not like the school and Vygala taught her to cook and she helped in caring for the baby brother. Vygala taught of her as a blessing to the family. Abhishekam was very sincere, knew how to maintain the house, she was also very clever, she never overworked, she always got all the small jobs done from her sisters. He brother, Anna, as he was called would do all the hard ones, all she had to do was praise him. It was Francina her fourth born who was bright, she did not like house work, she was the first one to wake up, eat the leftovers with her and then sit with the books given to her by her teachers at school. Vygala, knew franccina would be dependable and would take care of any trouble that her children got into. She would, however, need help in doing her chores around her family that her other children would be made aware and she Vygala knew she had a team that stuck together for life. Kamla, the youngest girl was active but she was forever stuck to Francina except when she was hungry, then she was with Abhishekam. She was also the favorite of the Anna too. Vyagala was aware that she had more daughters than sons and to protect them was becoming more difficult as her elder son grew to be a teenager and was roaming the streets rather than stay guard at home. Initially when she came to the city the neighbours were caring as she was

pregnant and although finding work and working to and from work was difficult the days went smoothly. Vyagala was also aware that now that she was not pregnant, the men in the city had their eyes on her. Vygala helped her neighbors with stock of paddy and millet from her store when famine stuck and they in turn protected her and her children. But the nights were difficult, people knocked on her door, the daughters woke up, Franccina asked who it was and why they were not opening the door, Vygala told her that this knock was from Unearthly beings and told the girls never to open the door in her absence. The girls agreed. Vygala, knew this was untrue, but she would explain this to them when they grew older. This was Single parenting in a place and at a time that was never fit for such working women as Vygala. Vygala’s uncle came in to look her up, he was pleased with what she had accomplished. He was also sad at the lack of attention that her children got. For instance when typhoid struck the city, all the girls caught the disease, Vygala still could not be home to take care of them, all she could do was to admit them into the children’s hospital opened by some missionaries. All the three got back home after a month each. They were skin and bones but alive. She thanked god that plague had not hit them or their neighbors. She made it a point to say night prayers everyday. Vygala accepted the offer of marrying her elder son to her uncles only daughter, the girl was sophisticated and good looking and it was her favorite niece, she only wished her son would be more like her. When Anna saw the girl he was wonder struck, he did everything asked by Vygala, skilled as he was ,his earning increased and the family could move into their own house. She shared her joy with her cousins with whom she maintained friendship. Her own immediate family had moved away to Delhi, and all communication stopped. Life continued, her two daughters were doing well at School, Franccina had stood first in the School in first public exam of class seven and was keen student. She also kept the house in good shape, she never really entered the kitchen though. Tragedy struck at this crucial time when Vygala was just considering that it would be a good time to get her elder daughter married. She knew for this she would need help from her cousins, she needed to make time to discuss this with them. Tragedy was in the form of her daughter – in –law being detected with Tuberculosis of the intestine. Vygala took this calmly, continued her work schedule, got abhisekam married to a very smart and gentle man army cadet from Coimbatore, which was near Mysore. Abhishekam came to help when Susheela was born, the first born of Anna, but alas the disease worsened and Kanti the adored daughter – in – law had to hospitalized. This was real tragedy, when she sent food for the daughter – in- law it came back without being touched, she wanted to see her baby and the Vygala knew she could not send the baby for fear of losing it. Vygala promised Kanti that she would personally look after Susheela and extracted a promise back that she would never ask for her at the hospital. At this pint of time Kanti was shifted to a sanatorium. A Sanitarium helped in seclusion for fatal disease which could spread, it had beds under a tiled roof on the edge of the hospital compound. The beds were kept two to three feet away from each other and no body was allowed to stay with the patient. Francina who went with tiffin box of food for Kanti came back with stories that she had seen ants entering and leaving from the skin of her legs and arms, and Vygala heart bled with sadness. Within six months from then Kanti died, leaving Vygala again a mother of an infant. Vygala now mostly prayed to Mother Mary for strength, till now her favorite saint had been St.Antony in whose name she had named her first born. Her Son wished to marry again, he had already got over the death of his lovely wife, this time Vygala went to the convent to look for a orphan. She was very sure that this is what she wanted to do, with what life was giving her she would never be rich enough to donate or adopt. She would have to work hard all her life. She was also impressed by her step mother character in her childhood and hoped for a similar understanding female brought up in similar circumstances. She expected that she would be able to love the mother less child.Soon the grandchildren came in one by one, vygala realized that Kanti’s daughter the elder born was delicate and did not fit into this family although she was with her. Vygala continued being a mother to her grand daughter for

the rest of her life. By this time Franccina and Kamla were married and had set up their families. Jayraj, Francina husband and Vygala’s favorite son in law who was more like a son wanted Susheela to stay with them. Vygala agreed to this arrangement and in the meanwhile directed her attention to her last born son. Dhanraj, the last born had a good mind and soon passed the railway exam. Vygala traveled often to keep him company, as Susheela grew up she again took her under her care. It was only when school help was needed that she left her with her Francina’s family, but Vygala kept her word and brought this child with utmost care as promised. She was working and earning for her sake to be able to supplement the budget and was never a burden a Susheela or any of her children. Her children were brought up well one child or other traveled with her for her to pay respects to any of her cousins who died, she never attended any of their happier family functions being busy getting her family out of the poverty the walking away from the estate caused. She never regretted leaving the vast property back at Croog, prided herself in what she had achieved, as determined as she was she lived in the house she built in her final years. Self Esteem was something that Vygala personified. She never once depended on anybody for any of her decisions, she sought help when she needed and helped when she could, she stood by her daughters in all their child birth days of need, she helped as a day care person for Dhanraj’s children as long as she could manage, she always bought the herbs that had to be kept in the daughter’s and son’s homes and took care of all the small problems, sometimes a scorpion bite, problems with a shaken solar plexus, moral support required when somebody who lost a child anything you name it and she was there. Her food never changed although there was more money available, this kept her healthy and working for a long time, she always made teaching compassion a practical lesson, whatever little food she cooked it had to be shared with a destitute first and then she would eat. She always cooked her own food where ever she was, keeping herself active. Only when she could not walk to work anymore, she went and filled in application for pension and got it. One never saw her crying ever. She was also not a person who was very religious in the sense of following rituals; one never saw her do that, but she never criticized anybody in the family doing it. She prayed whole nights if any of the family members were sick, but she worked harder than she prayed she would have broths cooked, cold packs ready, neem and other leaves for a bath, the list seems endless. She was a peace keeper of the family and not one family member would remember her speaking harshly to somebody or refusing to help somebody who had done a wrong to her. She seemed a embodiment of patience. Her attitude seemed to be - move forward improve upon whatever is given to you and never look back in regret on any of your decisions. Her decisions were always for the good of some family member or the other and were always firm, no backing out on her decisions was ever seen. She was woman who was very aware and sought knowledge, she would walk to rallies which congress conducted in Mysore in the seventies, she may have had sit under tree shades a number of times before reaching this University ground venue, but go she did- she had to see Indira Gandhi, another woman with great character. She would listen to news on the radio, follow the war happenings. Vygala was a devoted mother of eight children in all, two whom she lost to an accident of mysterious kind and she never ever forgot them, and one a grand daughter who she brought up as her own, she was liked by all her grandchildren, she bought them puffed rice and roasted gram as snacks, fried mutton with pepper as only she could do on rainy days, told them stories of Snow white with all the local colors and names, Snow white was called “Manikya” meaning a gem in her stories and her stories took at least an hour each night on Summer holidays when the grand children were brought to see her. She was educator who gave knowledge of survival, good attitude, compassion, courage to the those who interacted with her.. Girls were her favorite for knowledge sharing, she was very tactful and told them of the teenage problems and what to expect in any hostile environment and how to escape or avoid getting into trouble. She was a woman of substance as the Grand daughters/children remember her today after three decades that has gone by after she died.