A Proper Goodbye

Richelle Hyatt CANA 2P91 Caroline Whitfield Jenn Hasse Seminar #12 Seminar Write-up for “A Proper Goodbye” This weeks seminar was based on the reading “A Proper Goodbye” by Katherine Vlassie. The story was about a Greek woman Eleni who was married to a Greek man named Costa. They had five children over the years, one of which died in the war and another who died just a few months after birth. They had come over to Canada from Greece many years previous however Eleni still could not speak fluent English, Costa knew English and Eleni was dependant on him in order to go about her daily activity’s such as grocery shopping etc. Costa ends up passing away in this story and Eleni begins to mourn not only the loss of Costa but the loss of her deceased son Stephano. She finds out at Costa’s funeral that he had known all along where Stephano was buried and he never gave her the opportunity to say her ‘proper goodbye’ to him. Costa felt she was too ‘weak’ to know his whereabouts so he never told her. Eleni also lashes out due to the fact that she felt Costa suppressed her from becoming an active participator in society because she could not speak English. At the end of the story, Eleni asks her daughter to fly with her to France to go to the grave where Stephano was buried. Her daughter replys “On our own?” and Eleni responds “Yes… on our own.” Jenn began the class by asking for a summary of what this story was about, much like the one provided above. Next, our focus was to the author of the story who the group found out was second-generation Greek. She herself was a homemaker and when her children were grown decided to begin writing. Next, the class was asked to consider what role the family and community played in this story and in a more general term, outside the story and applied to what we know about society. The responses for the story seemed to be that family was all she had and all she had known. As far as community went, she did not have many friends and on a whole the class decided that community was not a major contributing part in this story however on a more broad scale, it is very important and does play a major role. The class agreed that when an immigrant comes over to Canada, depending upon where they decide to settle, community plays a huge factor. An example was brought up that if immigrants moved into areas where some of their culture and other decedents had settled it may ease them in to living in a new town, city, country etcetera (example being China town, or the Danforth). Jenn then asked the question, “What is she saying goodbye to?” Her husband and to her Greek roots was the general consensus of the class. The next question “Is it just the death of her husband that made her feel the need to say goodbye?” There was very good response to this question. One student said that Eleni’s husband suppressed her, that she is not in Greece any longer and therefore wants to adapt to Canadian culture by learning

English etcetera. Another student said that she wanted answers and closure to her son’s death- she wanted to do something about it. The entire community knew about where her son had been buried and this was the trigger, it set her off. In response to this another student argued that her husband dying could have been the trigger because he was the one who hid things from her, because he felt she was not strong enough to endure it. From there, the discussion lead to the question of can this story be applied to other cultures? The class agreed and several different ties were made. The class derived that this could relate to a variety of people, it would be a similar immigrant story to many new immigrants coming to Canada, it speaks of the role of women in traditional families and also shows that in many cultures women do not play much of a role outside that of a homemaker. For clarification purposes and to link this knowledge with something we can all relate to, she drew the link to French Roman Catholic’s. Still today in Canada this religion still operates in a patriarchal hierarchy with definitive gender roles. Jenn then asked us to define culture, race and ethnicity. It was pointed out that in general, people interchange these words and some people are unclear what each of these actually refers to and what their definitions are. The discussion then led to the point that it is about the entire constructs that go with that culture and ethnicity that make you who you are such as values, beliefs, customs etcetera. The next question was then asked and the class had numerous responses, in order for an immigrant to be successful in Canadian society do they have to ‘break away from culture’ and how do we feel about this? The class generally agreed that in the second generations people are already participating in Canadian culture so they would not be considered ‘breaking away from culture.’ It was agreed that first generations, should not have to break away from their culture but it is important that they acknowledge the new society and new culture. Also discussed was that there is this perception in society that if we Canadians open the doors to immigrants you (the immigrant) have to open your mind to our culture. Most of the class agreed that as an immigrant it should be imperative to be able to speak English or French in order to function properly in Canada as a Canadian citizen. Jenn then read us the author’s response as being a second generation Greek. When she was younger, Vlassie felt that she was different with the kids at school due to the fact that she was a second generation Greek. She was withdrawn from her peers in fear that she would be rejected for being different. Once she had grown up, she looked back and was able to recognize that it was not the kids who made her feel different it was herself, she secluded herself for fear of rejection. Vlassie is writing about what she knows. Her point is not to tell the Greek story, but to tell the story of a stranger in a new land and a new culture. Overall the seminar was extremely beneficial. One of the things I found useful would be the linkages made to other cultures, ways of life that the students are aware of and by linking it back to the story one is able to generate an overall picture of what is being represented in the story.