5.1 - Human Sexuality

5.1 – HUMAN SEXUALITY Talk Handout

I. Class Outline 5.1 – Human Sexuality 5.2 – Pre-marital Sex 5.3 – Contraception 5.4 – Natural Family Planning 5.5 – Pornography 5.6 – Homosexuality Family Moral Questions

Principles for Sexual Morality, Objections, Resources Q&A Regarding Cohabitation, Letter to Engaged Couples Overview of Humanae Vitae, Objections, Link to Abortion Methods, Effectiveness, Use in Areas of Poverty and Illiteracy Bought with a Price by Bishop Loverde, Steps to Freedom Attraction & Acts, Objections, Resources, Same-sex ‘Marriage’ Drinking Alcohol, Morality of Getting a Tattoo

Thinking about Sex “The typical modern man practically never thinks about sex. He dreams of it, of course, by day and by night; he craves for it; he pictures it, is stimulated or depressed by it, drools over it. But this frothing, steaming activity is not thinking. Drooling is not thinking, picturing is not thinking, craving is not thinking, dreaming is not thinking. Thinking means bringing the power of the mind to bear: thinking about sex means striving to see sex in its innermost reality and in the function it is meant to serve.” (Frank Sheed, “The Nature of Sex and Marriage”, Society and Sanity, par 1)

II. Principles for Sexual Morality A. Marriage & Family 1) Marriage is a permanent and exclusive union, a communion of persons equal in dignity “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mt 19.6, Mk 10.8-9) “The intimate partnership of married life and love has been established by the creator and qualified by his laws, and it is rooted in the conjugal covenant of irrevocable personal consent. Hence, by that human act whereby the spouses mutually bestow and accept each other, a relationship arises which by divine will and in the eyes of society too is durable. In view of the good of society as well as that of the spouses and their offspring, this sacred bond does not depend on human decision.” (Vatican II, Gaudium et spes, 48) - Erotic love and affection call for exclusivity and permanence. - Polygamy is disadvantageous to the multiple partners and others. - Divorce almost always harms children and often is bad for women. - The self-giving of marital union calls for indissolubility. (Germain Grisez, Living a Christian Life, 9, A, 3)

2) Characteristics of Marital Love 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

(Pope Paul VI, Humanae vitae, 9)

Human - flesh & spirit, more than emotion, act of the will, grows in daily life
union of hearts Total - special form of friendship, share everything, unselfish, receives all & gives all Faithful - shows faithfulness of God to His people, I will not abandon you, forsake you Exclusive - gift to one person to the exclusion of all others, you and you alone Fruitful - love goes beyond couple, destined to raise up new life, children supreme gift of marriage

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5.1 – Human Sexuality – Handout

B. God’s Plan for Human Sexuality 1) What is sex for? What is its purpose? a) Making babies (Procreative = Reproduction) b) Making a bond (Unitive = To unite two people together) Some people say sex is good or great. But in reality, sex is more than that - Sex is holy! Your sexuality is not something you own by yourself or engage in by yourself. You are cooperating with God who has given us the gift of our sexuality in order to bring new human life into the world.

2) Because sex has this two-fold purpose, sex is reserved for marriage. Because that is the place where the child can be raised by two parents who are permanently committed to each other and the child. A boyfriend and girlfriend might be committed to each other, but they are not committed for life. It isn’t a stable, permanent relationship. So that means they aren’t ready for a kid, and hence aren’t ready to have sex, according to how God designed it.

3) If you’re not married then sexual relations and anything leading up to it is wrong. - Anything you do to intentionally sexually arouse yourself or your girl/boyfriend is wrong. - Heavy petting, etc. prepares your body for sexual intercourse. - Analogy: “If you’re not going to Toronto, what are you doing on the train?”

4) Sexual sins listed in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (par. 2351-2355) Lust Self-abuse Fornication Pornography Prostitution Rape Homosexual acts Adultery

- disordered desire for sexual pleasure (stirring up thoughts & desires) - the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure - sexual union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman - deliberately displaying sexual acts to third parties - using a person as a (paid) instrument of sexual pleasure - the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person - sexual acts between two men or two women - sexual relations between two partners, one married to another party

5) Protection of Children “Children deserve to grow up with a healthy understanding of sexuality and its proper place in human relationships. They should be spared the degrading manifestations and the crude manipulation of sexuality so prevalent today. They have a right to be educated in authentic moral values rooted in the dignity of the human person. This brings us back to our consideration of the centrality of the family and the need to promote the Gospel of life. What does it mean to speak of child protection when pornography and violence can be viewed in so many homes through media widely available today? We need to reassess urgently the values underpinning society, so that a sound moral formation can be offered to young people and adults alike. All have a part to play in this task – not only parents, religious leaders, teachers and catechists, but the media and entertainment industries as well. Indeed, every member of society can contribute to this moral renewal and benefit from it. Truly caring about young people and the future of our civilization means recognizing our responsibility to promote and live by the authentic moral values which alone enable the human person to flourish.” (Pope Benedict XVI, Address to Bishops of the United States, April 16, 2008, http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/speeches/2008/april/documents/hf_benxvi_spe_20080416_bishops-usa_en.html)

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5.1 – Human Sexuality – Handout

III. Common Objections A. Why is it wrong to use sex for another purpose, like personal pleasure? 1) Your sexuality is a gift from God - a valuable and powerful gift to be used for a purpose. Like any gift it can be used well, or abused and damaged. Ex: At the start of a canoeing trip down the rapids, Joe and Frank each receive a canoe, a life preserver, a paddle and a compass to use on their journey. Joe starts his trip, and takes good care of gifts he has been given. He paddles well, keeps the canoe out of danger zones, and shoots the rapids with gusto, keeping his life-preserver in good working order for the times when his canoe gets filled with water. On his way back, he uses the compass to check his direction and gets home safe and sound. Joe had a great time going down the river. Frank, on the other hand takes some detours. He uses his life vest as a harness for rope swinging, his paddle as a baseball bat for some batting practice, and his compass as a fishing lure. Halfway through the trip down the rapids, his paddle break in two (weakened by batting practice) and his life-preserver (stretched while swinging on the rope) slips off as he plunges into the river . When he tries to find his way home he discovers his compass (broken from fishing with it) is useless. Frank had a miserable, life-threatening time going down the river. He regrets how he misused his gifts to have some fun at the start of his trip.

2) When we abuse our sexuality by going against God’s purposes for it, the damage we do is even more severe because sex affects our very being, not just some stuff that we have. “The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2339) B. Why is self-abuse (masturbation) wrong? It feels good, what is wrong with it? 1) It does not fulfill the purposes of sex: - It isn’t procreative - no possibility of bringing new life into the world - It isn’t unitive - because you’ve short-circuited the unitive power and turned it inward. Instead of giving yourself to someone else - love - you are doing something solely for your own pleasure - this is selfishness - the opposite of love. 2) Negative consequences of self-abuse: a) Dissociated - Failure to engage with others due to separation of expressions of sexuality from reality. Fantasy becomes the main source of intimacy and sexual fulfillment. b) Loss of Spirituality – By maximizing the physicality and short-term pleasure of sexuality, you minimize the spiritual and long-term permanent fulfillment of sexuality. The “flesh” is fed (disordered desires opposed to God’s plan), and the spirit becomes weak and bland. c) Addiction – This can lead to addiction to physical pleasure and a real lack of freedom. d) Selfishness – The expression of sexuality is short-circuited on the self and is thus false. It is a glorification of the self and self-pleasure. We abort an opportunity to love and end up being more empty and lonely. e) Lack of Maturity – By trying to escape loneliness with fantasy, it hinders us from attaining true adult intimacy, leading to a lack of maturity. (Summarized from Dr. William F. Kraft, Ph.D., “A Psychospiritual View of Masturbation,” Human Development, vol 3, #2, Summer 1982, pp. 39-45)

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit? … You are not your own. You have been purchased at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body.” - 1 Cor 6:19-20

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5.1 – Human Sexuality – Handout

IV. Overview of Church Teaching on Marriage & Family “Every marriage is a permanent and exclusive union… While marital communion can exist without parenthood, having and raising children is nonetheless the specific, intrinsic perfection of marriage, which shapes it as an open-ended community formed by the self-giving of marital consent… Marriage is sacred in itself and also within the old covenant. But every marriage of a baptized couple also is an enduring sacrament, which confirms marriage’s unity and indissolubility while both preparing for and participating in heavenly communion. Christian couples should regard marriage as a vocation; and the family should function as a kind of domestic church… Married couples should engage in chaste sexual acts, in which sexual pleasure is subordinated to communion; they should abstain when there is a reason to abstain. Spouses should cooperate lovingly in marital intercourse, and marital sexual acts short of intercourse can be appropriate. But married persons should not engage in other sexual acts, nor should the unmarried engage in any sexual act. Although sexual arousal, and even satisfaction, can occur blamelessly without an intentional sexual act, nevertheless all intentional sexual acts violating the marital good are grave matter. With the help of grace it is possible for Christians to pursue chastity and attain it. Spouses have responsibilities with regard to children. They should procreate responsibly, in light of their vocation to marriage, using only upright methods to carry out their conscientious judgments; in this connection, birth regulation by periodic abstinence is not contraception. Parents should raise their children to be good Christians. They should treat children fairly. They should exercise parental authority, while bearing in mind that it is limited by the true good of children. They should recognize and fulfill their responsibility in regard to religious formation, and indeed should bring Christian principles to bear on the whole upbringing of children: their use of media, schooling, education in sexuality, hobbies and friends, and so on. For their part, children should honor, help, and obey their parents. The family should be a community of love and service, where, for example, crises like the death of a family member and pregnancy out of wedlock are dealt with in a responsible, Christian way. If a marriage is troubled, some sin or sins usually underlie the situation, and this requires repentance and mutual forgiveness on the spouses' part. They also should take the necessary steps to deal with nonmoral sources of trouble. Sometimes spouses may, or even should, initiate a marital separation, subject to the Church’s authority; but even separated persons still have many marital and familial responsibilities. Where troubles relate to a doubt about the validity of a marriage, the doubt can and should be overcome… Couples preparing for marriage also have responsibilities. To begin with, a person should discern whether he or she has a vocation to marriage and, if so, should begin to respond by developing chaste friendships. Those with marriage more immediately in prospect should seek suitable partners; they should not carry on untimely romantic relationships, however, and they should consider as potential partners only those who are truly available and morally well qualified.” (Germain Grisez, Living a Christian Life, Summary of ch. 9)

Note: Three 800 page volumes by Germain Grisez available online: wayofthelordjesus.org 1 – Christian Moral Principles 2 – Living a Christian Life 3 – Difficult Moral Questions Examples of Questions dealing with Marriage & Sexuality #28 May an oppressed wife who should avoid pregnancy practice contraception? http://wayofthelordjesus.org/dmq.cfm?page=dmqq28 #29 What sexual activity is permissible for elderly married couples? http://wayofthelordjesus.org/dmq.cfm?page=dmqq29 #30 How should a wife conduct a separation from her violent husband? http://wayofthelordjesus.org/dmq.cfm?page=dmqq30

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5.1 – Human Sexuality – Handout

V. How to Break Sinful Habits A. General Tips 1) Develop a healthy spiritual life - Make use of the Sacrament of Reconciliation - Pray daily, go to Mass on Sundays, develop some good Christian friendships - Renew your mind by learning God’s ways in scripture and Church teaching 2) Make a serious decision to work on breaking the habit - Don’t be half-hearted - no one else can do this for you. - Become aware of the habit. What situations or moods trigger the sinful pattern? 3) Play good “defense” - Avoid near occasions of the sin - develop safeguards, change routines - Learn about the negative consequences of your sin and don’t downplay them. - When you are tempted to sin (by an idea in your mind or an image in your imagination), immediately fill your mind with something else - Nip the “internal dialogue” in the bud. - If you do sin, repent immediately (stop & say a prayer asking God’s forgiveness) For serious sins, be reconciled to God in the sacrament of confession. - Be accountable to someone about the habit (trusted friend, share group) 4) Play good “offense” - For each vice (sinful habit) there is an opposing virtue (good habit) - Practice the opposite virtue during times when you are not tempted. - Memorize scripture verses that speak about the virtue that you want to practice. Turn some of those verses into quick prayers that you can pray during the day. Scriptures are the Sword of the Spirit - the offensive weapon in God’s armor (Eph 6:10-20) - Find situations in the life of Jesus or the lives of the saints where they practice that virtue. Reading those and praying about them will stir up a desire for that virtue in your own life. - “Occupy your minds with good thoughts, or the enemy will fill them with bad ones. Unoccupied, they cannot be.” - St. Thomas More B. Specific Tips for Sexual Sins 1) “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away…” (Matthew 5:29) - Destroy all of your pornography - Avoid watching TV alone or late at night if that is a near occasion of sin for you. - Set standards for what type of movies you will watch. - Find out what will be in a movie before you decide to watch it. 2) Set clear limits in any boy/girl-friend relationships. - Don’t spend extended time alone together. Consider whether you should be dating right now in the first place. Go on group dates. Don’t date people who don’t have your standards. 3) Get regular exercise and sleep - this reduces tension and stress that can trigger sexual sins. 4) Pray to Mary, St. Joseph, St. Michael 5) Meditate on the Passion of Christ (especially the Scourging at the Pillar) 6) Find appropriate positive ways to address your need for intimacy in close friendships.

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5.1 – Human Sexuality – Handout

VI. Catholic Resources for Sexual Purity A. Overcoming Habitual Sexual Sins St. Joseph’s Covenant Keepers: Online Resources for Dads

www.dads.org/strugglewithporn.asp

- Help for those struggling with pornography and resources for Men desiring to maintain their purity: -

Pure Mind Memory Cards - Scriptures on purity St. Joseph’s Freedom Groups for men seeking sexual purity Breaking Free: 12 Steps to Sexual Purity for Men Resources for wives whose husbands are addicted to pornography

Clean of Heart: Overcoming Habitual Sins against Purity home.earthlink.net/~cleanofheart/index.html - Written for practicing Catholics who accept all the teachings of the Church, yet are still ensnared by pornography and self-abuse. - Fifty-one daily meditations which draw from the power of the Sacraments and the wisdom of the Saints - “…an excellent practical and inspiring spiritual guide for those tormented by such sins. I highly recommend it for late teens, young adults, and anyone else struggling with such sins. Confessors will find in it a gold mine for good advice to their penitents.” (Ronda Chervin, Ph.D., Professor of Ethics, author)

CSGSAR – Catholic Support Group for Sexual Addictions Recovery

www.saint-mike.org/csgsar/

- “CSGSAR is a safe place (as a computer discussion group can be) where people with the common bonds of being Catholic followers of Christ and being fellow sufferers of sexual addictions may share and seek support for our struggles with this addiction. We offer resources for ‘Tips on How to Avoid Sin’, advice and remedies given by the Church and the saints, and the fellowship of fellow sufferers. You are not alone.”

B. Chastity Pure Love Club

www.dads.org/strugglewithporn.asp

- The chastity outreach program of Catholic Answers. Founded by Jason Evert - “Within the pages of pureloveclub.com, you are going to find blunt, honest, and uplifting reasons for why you’re worth waiting for. No fear tactics. No guilt trips. Just the demands of authentic human love.”

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5.1 – Human Sexuality – Handout