2} The First Song

THE FIRST SONG, KAISE MUJHE TUM MILGAYE, KISMAT PE AAYI NA YAKEEN, THIS IS THE MOST APT WAY OF DESCRIBING MY POSITION, I JUST COULD NOT BELIEVE MY LUCK, REALITY, DREAM , HEAVEN, HELL, WHAT SHOULD I SAY.BUT WHATEVER IT IS,FEELING LIKE HEAVEN. I DON’T WANT TO COME OUT OF THIS AT ANY STAGE. KISMAT SE THUM HAMKO MILE HO, KAISE CHODENGE, YE HAATH , HUM NA CHODENGE.N 14TH OF THIS MONTH, WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME. WHEN I GOT UP THERE WAS NOT EVEN A SIGNAL.[NOT FAIR] WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO ME. I KNEW U HAD A LEAVE ,THOUGHT OF MESSAGING U, BUT RESISTED INTEHA HOGAYI,INTEZAAR KI, AAYENA KUCH KABAR, MERE YAAR KI. THAN I REALISED,SOMEWHERE SOMETHING IS WRONG, HAS IT STARTED BREWING ALREADY, SERIOUSLY YAAR. [BAHUT DARR LAGA].THAN AFTER 3 HOURS OF MUKESH, RAFI, KISHORE, I WAS DONE IN, BUT STILL I DID NOT FIND MY SONG,THAN FINALLY GHALIB CAME TO MY RESCUE. IS SAYANI BHEED MEIN BAS, HAATHON MEIN,TERA HAATH HO. I WOULD HAVE GIVEN ANYTHING FOR GHALIB, FOR WRITING THIS COUPLET, PROBABLY, HE JUST WROTE ONLY FOR US YAAR, IT JUST TELLS THE WHOLE OF 100 YERS OF LIFE IN 2 LINES, LIFE IS FULL OF PEOPLE YAAR,JUST WANTED TO HAVE SOMEONE WHO I COULD SAY MINE,LEAN ON THEM WHEN I NEED SUPPORT, SHARE WITH THEM EVERYTHING,SIMPLY SURRENDER TO THEM AND WAIT FOR THERE ORDERS. AND HOW DID I RECOGNISE IT WAS U. THE SECOND I REALISED. ZINDAGI BANGAYE HO THUM, AND THAN CAME 21ST,3.30 I SEND U MY CONFESSION, HOW MUCH DID WE CHAT YAAR, PROBABLY 150, WHO KEPT THE COUNT YAAR.[ THANKS TO PHONE COMPANIES]. I WAS NOT AT ALL PROPOSING TO U. I COULD NOT BEAR THE GUILT I WAS GOING THROUGH, AND I EVEN DID NOT HAVE THE IDEA OF COMING ALL HIS WAY.

AT 11 I REALIZED, OK I HAVE CONVINCED U, SHE WILL SPEAK TO ME THE NEXT TIME, THAN U SEND ME A MESSAGE, WHAT WOULD U HAVE DONE,IF I HAD ACCEPTED YOUR PROPOSAL, IF I HAD SAID PERSONALLY, THIS , READ THIS ONCE AGAIN,THE REPLY EVEN SURPRISES ME EVEN NOW.I SAID. “ I WOULD HAVE SIMPLY KISSED YOUR EYES AND SAID,THIS EYES WOULD NEVER GET WET AGAIN.THIS IS MY PROMISE AND MY RESPONSIBITY.” HOW ON THE EARTH COULD I EVEN THINK ON THIS LINE.[SO ROMANTIC].BELIEVE ME I DID NOT EVEN THINK FOR A SECOND. IT WAS INSTANT. AND THAN U SEND THAT SONG. DIL KAHE KE AAJ TO, CHUPALO TUMKO PANNAH MEIN, KE DARR HE THUMKO, KHO DOONGA. DIL KAHE SAMBHAL JARA,KUSHI KO NA NAZAR LAGA,KE DARR HE HUM THO RODENGE. I JUST CRIED AFTER THIS, U COULD HAVE STILL SAID NO TO SOME REASON, I COULD HAVE ACCEPTED IT, BUT I WOULD NEVER BELIEVED U IF U HAVE SAID, THAT U DID NOT LIKE ME IN THAT SITUATION. AND THAN THE WHOLE NIGHT WAS LIKE HELL.[ U ALSO KNOW THAT].THAN I CAME TO MEET U, [KUCH AJEEB SA DARR THA]. BUT ALL THAT WENT AWAY WHEN I SAW U STANDING WAITING FOR ME,THERE WAS SOMETHING IN YOUR EXPRESSION WHICH GAVE ME CONFIDENCE THAT THIS WILL NOT GO IN VAIN. I DID NOT PROPOSE U.[I CAME TO DO THAT], U DID NOT SAY YES [BUT U SHOWED U LIKED ME] AND THAN HOW DO I DESCRIBE THE EVENING YAAR, U DID NOT GO TO OFFICE, NOT IN MY WILDEST DREAM I EXPECTED. CORNER SEAT OF A COFFEE DAY. WHAT THEY SAY[ A LOT CAN HAPPEN OVER A COFEE] WHO CARED ABOUT THE COFFEE YAAR. IT WAS ALL ABOUT U AND ME, NOBODY MATTERD. U WERE DRESSED REALLY PLEASANTLY, THERE WAS A WHITE BINDI TYPE OF A THING WHICH I LIKED.[ I WOULD LIKE WHATEVER U WEAR.] TERI BINDIYA RE,TERI BINDIYA SANAM BINDIYA LELEGI, LELEGI, MERI NINDIYA.

YOUR HAIR WERE NOT LISTENING TO U, U WERE SETTING IT RIGHT MANY TIMES, I WISHED I WOULD HAVE SAID, IT SUITED U. UDTHI ZULFO NE SIKAYI, MAUSAMO KO SAAYRI. THAN WHAT A RIDE, BACK TO HOME, I NEVER THOUGHT THAT BANGALORE, WHICH I HAD GROWN UP WATCHING WOULD BE SPECIAL,OR MORE PLEASANT , THAN IT WAS ON THAT NIGHT, WE HARDLY FOUND ANY TRAFFIC, PROBABLY THE WHOLE CITY WAS CELEBRATING OUR UNION. IT HAPPENS YAAR, LIKE A WOUND AN UNKNOWN CHIRPING OF A BIRD, A CHILDS HALF SLEPT SLEEP, SOME OLD SONG, AND A DIMPLE IN SKY, WHEN A DROP OF RAIN, WHEN ANY ONE OF THIS HAPPENS, U ARE THE ONLY ONE EXACTLY WHO I REMEMBER. I AM PRETTY SURE U WOULD ALSO, PRETTY MUCH REMEMBER ME, MERE KHAYALO MEIN SANAM, KHUD SE BI BAATEIN KARTHI, HOGI NA, MEIN DEKTHA HOON, CHUP CHUP KE THUMKO, MEHSOOS KARTHI HOGI NA. I LIKE TAKING MY SHOWER, IN AFTERNOONS,WHILE SUN IS BLAZING, I WOULD SIMPLY SIT IN MY BATHROOM. MY PRACTISE IS TO LISTEN TO SONGS,I SELECT THE SONGS AND GO IN. THE SONGS WERE PLAYING WELL, THAN THIS SONG CAME IN DO LAFZON KI HEIN DIL KI KAHAANI. THAN THIS STANZA CAME THROUGH. IS ZINDAGI MEIN DIN KITHNE KUM HAIN, KITHNI HAIN KHUSIYA, AUR KITHNE GUM HAIN. I JUST COULD NOT STOP CRYING, IT FELT LIKE HEAVEN. AFTER MY SHOWER, ITS MY USUALL PRACTICSE TO SAY HAI TO MOM, WHEN I SAW HER, I COULD SOMEHOW FEEL, SHE KNEW EVERYTHING. IT FELT LIKE SHE WAS SMILING AT ME, SAYING I HAVE SELECTED A GIRL FOR ME, BECAUSE SHE IS NOT THERE FOR ME ANYMORE, SHE ALSO SAID,

LOVE HER HOW MUCH U CAN, ITS BETTER TO LOOSE HER, BUT SEE TO IT SHE SHOULD NEVER SHED A TEAR. WHILE GIVING MY MOM THE PROMISE, I CRIED MY HEART OUT, WHY[ IS SHE NOT LUCKY TO SEE U, OR ARE WE NOT LUCKY TO HAVE HER AROUND.] I WANT TO THANK U SAPNA, FOR ACCEPTING ME AS I AM, U SEEM TO HAVE NO COMPLAINS TOWARDS ME. I KNOW THERE WILL BE SOMETHING COMING TOWARDS ME SOMEDAY, I WILL PROMISE U I WILL DO EVERYTHING FROM MY SIDE. U NEVER CHANGE YAAR, REHNA THU, HAIN JAISA THU. I MUST PRAISE U YAAR, U HAVE NOT EVEN GIVEN ME AN IOTA OF PROBLEM, I WANT U TO STAY THIS WAY, ATLEAST TILL MARRIAGE,COS AFTER MARRIAGE I WILL BE THERE WITH U FOR WHOLETIME, TO CONVINCE U, TRY THIS OUT [ AFTER MARRIAGE]. DON’T TALK TO ME FOR WHOLE DAY. PROBABLY FOR NO REASON, THAN I KNOW [ KAISA MANANA] HAIN. I AM REALLY GREAT IN THIS. U WILL FIND IT REALLY ROMANTIC. BUT PROMISE ME THAT U WILL NEVER STOP TALKING TO ME FOR MORE THAN 2 DAYS[ MAR HI JAONGA] LETS NOT SHARE OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYBODY YAAR, LET ME WARN U THIS IS A RUDE WORLD, IT CANNOT TAKE PEOPLE BEING HAPPY, AND NOT ALL THE EXTENT OF HAPPINESS, WHICH WE ARE HAVING. I AM SURE THERE WILL BE EARTHQUAKES. WHY DO WE NEED TO ASK PERMISSION FOR ANYTHING YAAR, HUM PYAAR KARNEWALE, DUNIYA SE NA DARNEWALE. THAN ONE FINE DAY WE WILL GIVE THEM A JOLT, ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP, THAN WE ENJOY THERE EXPRESSIONS.[ KYA MAZAA AAYEGA] PRINCESS I HAVE CLOSED ALL THE DOORS OF MY LIFE, AND HAS OPENED A SMALL DOOR,WHERE IN U HAVE ENTERED, DON’T EVEN THINK OF LEAVING IT, IF U WANT TO AT SOME SATGE, ASK ME, I WILL ONLY LET U OUT, BUT REMEMBER I WILL BE ALL ALONE BEHIND THE DOOR, AND I KNOW U DON’T WANT ME TO BE ALONE. BUT IF U REALLY HAVE ANY PROBLEM AND FEEL U WILL BE MORE HAPPY ELSEWHERE, I WILL MORE HAPPILY LEAVE YOUR HAND, NOTHING MATTERS MORE TO ME MORE THAN YOUR HAPPINESS.[SACHI] BUT PLEASE DON’T TRY IT. BAHUT CASUALLY BATA RAHA HOON. [ THUM NAHI THO KUCH NAHI]

CHAHE JO MAANG LO, SAB TUMHARA HAIN. I MAY SEEM HOW MUCH ROMANTIC, BUT STILL I AM PRACTICAL.[ I GUESS U LIKE THIS QUALITY OF ME]. I KNOW WE CANNOT BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME, LIFE SIMPLY ASKS STRANGE QUESTIONS, ITS IN OUR HANDS TO ANSWER THOSE. IF WE BOTH ARE WE THAN NO PROBLEM YAAR. I KNOW THERE WILL BE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN US, EVEN WE MAY NOT LIKE EACH OTHERS FACES FOR SOME DAYS, THERE COULD BE UTTER SILENCE BETWEEN BOTH OF US. [KUCH BHI HO, HAATH CHODNA NAHI], I WILL PROMISE U THAT U WILL NOT REGRET IT. I DON’T ASK FOR ANYTHING YAAR, BUT GIVE ME YOUR EYES AND SMILE, I HAVE PROMISED MY MOTHER THAT U WILL NOT AT ALL CRY FOR ANY REASON. AND I WILL DO EVERYTHING TO KEEP YOUR SMILE ON YOUR FACE. I KNOW U ALSO CANNOT FORGET ME, BUT I DON’T MIND IF U DON’T REMEMBER ME, AS MUCH AS I DO. BUT AFTER ALL THE HUSTLE BUSTLE OF THE DAY, YOUR OFFICES, YOUR FRIENDS, WHEN U ARE ABOUT TO SLEEP, AND THERE IS UTTER SILENCE,BY REMEMBERING ME GIVE A SLIGHT KISS TO YOUR PILLOW, IT WILL REACH ME, [ PAGAL LADKA SAARA ZINDAGI TERE NAAM KARDEGA, SACHI] DON’T CARE ABOUT THE WORLD ITS MY RESPONSIBILTY. THIS LETTER IS NOT ABOUT WRITING SKILLS YAAR, THIS IS WHAT I FEEL TOWARDS U, HOW MUCH I LOVE U, HOW MUCH I CARE, TRUST, HOW MUCH I WANT U.[LIKTHA RAHOONGA, THO ROK NAHI SAKOONGA,] AFTER READING THIS, IF U FEEL U HAVE MADE A RIGHT CHOICE, THIS BOY IS REALLY APT FOR ME, THAN IT COMES INTO THE SUCCESS OF THE LETTER. LASTLY, JAB KOI, BAAT BIGAD JAYE, JAB KOI MUSHKIL PADJAYE, THUM DENA SAATH MERA, O HUMNAVAZ NA KOI THA NA KOI HAIN, ZINDAGI MEIN, THUMHARE SIVA, THUM DENA SAATH MERA, OH HUMNAVAAZ. SIMPLY YOURS.