100 Ways

50 ways (or more) to irritate people in an elevator. 1. Sit in one corner and rock back and forth saying “Must not hurt anyone, must not hurt anyone…” 2. Bring in a crate that says “live rattlesnake” or “venomous cobra” stand at the back and after a while scream “oh no! It got out!” 3. Bite your nails – stay at the back – ask people to stand in front of you and mumble “hope the police don’t know I am here.” 4. Carry in a puppy in a bag or something and when people pet it, tell them he has rabies. 5. Preach that this is the apocalypse. 6. Ask people if they heard a cable or wire snap. 7. Take a pickaxe and ask the others “people we’re going down to mine, aren’t we?” 8. Put in a desk at the centre and when people enter ask if they have an appointment. 9. Ask people to write down their phone nos. on a tissue paper with a fork( in hotels) 10. Jump up and down anytime anyone enters the elevator and scream “mom! I knew you wouldn’t leave me!” 11. Dance and sing loudly to the elevator music. 12. Press all the buttons from ground to top and turn to the passengers and say “no need to thank me! I love helping!” 13. Shoot marbles out of your nose. 14. Ask people for change for Monopoly money. 15. Act like a detective and ask everyone inside stupid questions “so where were you when the girl reached the bottom of the third flight of stairs in the middle of the B wing?” 16. Act like a dentist and say “come on do an aaaaa,” and shine a flashlight in their mouths. 17. Act like a dog or cat, or any other animal. 18. Crawl in and say “I am hiding from the gangsters.” 19. Ask people whether they want to play hide and seek. 20. Lay a mattress in the middle and sit on it and act like your doing Yoga. 21. Growl at people who enter. 22. Drop something and when people bend down to pick it, scream ‘that’s mine! Don’t touch it!” 23. Drop a penny and when anyone bends to pick it, put a “kick me” sign on their bottoms. 24. Make a fake phone call and scream into the phone in total gibberish as though you’re speaking in a foreign language. 25. Make a fake phone call and talk something along the lines of “okay I put the corpse in the backseat of the car, yah and the gun, now?” 26. Cry loudly and when people ask why- tell them “I killed my mom! And dad! And grandpa, but I can’t find granny!” 27. Chew chewing gum loudly in people’s ears. 28. Start climbing up and when people ask say “ I am trying to escape” 29. offer mint to people and whisper “its expiry date passed thirty years back.” And wink.

30. Sing the twilight zone and flash a flashlight in their faces. 31. Stamp everyone’s feet and ask whether they think your rat could be in there somewhere. 32. Bring in a light sabre and talk like a Jedi! 33. Sneeze loudly one after the other and remove snot like slime from your nose! (fun) 34. Stare at all the people for a long time till they walk out. 35. Talk to yourself like some neurotic “so if mom has three husbands and I am the 11th child from the third one, then mom in all has 11…..” 36. Or talk like some scientist “if the hypotenuse is … then … so…” 37. Carry someone piggyback and enter and turn around and hit the people around with the person on your back. 38. Tie friendship bands or Rakhis to everyone. 39. pull funny faces at the wall or mirror (or the people) 40. Count the no. of shopping bags or jewels on a lady. 41. Count repeatedly on your fingers loudly. 42. Sing “happy birthday to you” loudly. 43. Laugh for no reason, like a maniac. 44. Act like you’re riding a horse or you’re an engine or you’re driving a car, etc. 45. Stand at the front facing the doors but do not get off at all, on any floor. 46. Apply makeup and nail polish and offer to do it for others too, especially boys and men. 47. Act like you’re playing football or baseball or basket ball “pass the ball here!” 48. Giving running commentary about all the things going on inside the elevator- “the old and ugly lady is applying makeup, to make her self beautiful. The man is trying to eat his moustache of, no! It is a chocolate! ….” 49. Keep your umbrella open inside and say “it rains at home you know, with the ceiling leaking and all...” (in your apartment elevator) 50. Act sick like you’re about to vomit or… and tell people to be careful and smile. 51. Ask the person the time and scream “hey that’s my watch! You thief!” 52. Ask people whether they would like to ball dance with you, right here. 53. Draw on the elevator walls with invisible ink and ask a person “isn’t it beautiful?” 54. hug everyone on the elevator and say “this is the last time we meet, as soon as I go to the top floor I will jump….” And ac very melodramatic. 55.