Zero Matter 5 8

Chapter 5 Sunday morning, I put Laura’s and Richard’s bags in the back of my truck. He’d been so pissed at being turned down that he left his bag behind. The truck was the same one I had hid my suit under that first night in the Bakers’ barn. Feeling bad about how little they were paying me, Gary and Ruth had offered me the truck if I wanted to fix it up. Buying parts for the almost antique vehicle had wiped out a lot of what they paid me but to have a truck of my own made it worth the sacrifice. One of my first purchases, boggling Gary’s mind since the truck was still on blocks and buried under the mound of garbage, was a stainless steel tool box for the bed. I told him it was incentive to get the truck running. He took the excuse without complaint. Now the box was bolted down and locked tight, hiding and protecting my suit. I’d wanted to throw it away but couldn’t convince myself that it would never be found. Also, no matter how much I told myself to forget the past and just live my new life, a small part of me couldn’t let go of it. It was four thirty in the morning and the sky was dark. We hadn’t planned on such an early departure but Mrs. Dawson had checked the weather the night before and was worried about the first snow of the season arriving while we drove. The weather report said it would start snowing at about ten in the morning and then move east, reaching Lawrence and Kansas City around five o’clock that night. Laura and I had both argued that we would be well ahead of the storm for the six and half hour drive but in the end, Mrs. Dawson’s worrying trumped our reasoning. “You sure that thing can make it all the way to Lawrence?” Laura asked groggily. “Don’t listen to her. She doesn’t know you like I do,” I said soothingly and stroked the rusted hood. Laura rolled her eyes before hugging her mom. “Are you sure you can’t come with us, Mom? I’d love to have the extra time with you.”

“Oh, I wish I could, dear but you know I can’t leave. Ruth’s ready to pop and twins tend to come early.” Mrs. Dawson was Red Water’s closest thing to an emergency medical tech. She was a certified midwife and permanently rooted to her home until after the babies were born. Sheriff Dawson had made up an excuse for not coming, saying his deputy was sick so he was the town’s only protection against the terrorists. After joking about the imminent attack that had been coming for thirty years, he’d told me the truth. “You need to go to college,” he had told me. “I want you to take her home and check things out. Get a feel for it.” “I’m happy here,” I argued but he wouldn’t have any of it. “Adam, you know that Brenda and I love you like a son and we know you’re happy here but you need to get an education.” “What about keeping the town alive?” I said. “You won’t be doing your job very well if you send me away.” “I’m not saying you have to leave forever. Go there, check it out, see if you like it. Maybe it won’t be a good fit for you. Lord knows it certainly wasn’t for me, but you need to give it a chance. If you like it, plan on going back when you have enough money. Get your education and then come back here. You’ll be better for it and Red Water will have the benefit of another college grad.” He told all of that to Laura as well. Told her to make sure I got a good feel for what I’d be missing if I chose to not get a college education. She agreed it was probably a good idea but still wished one of her parents was coming with us.

After the disaster that was Thanksgiving, Friday and Saturday had passed very quickly. I went back to work at the Bakers’ on Friday and half of the next day. Laura had spent the days with her parents and in the evenings had visited friends. Our time together had been limited to two family dinners, which was as much a disappointment as a relief. “Drive safe, Adam. Don’t speed until you’re out of my jurisdiction,” Sheriff Dawson said when I got behind the wheel. The truck was warm, swirling the heat around us and already I could smell the faint scent of her skin. It was going to be a long drive. Sheriff Dawson stopped me from closing the door and grabbed my shoulder. He pulled me down, whispered and shoved something into my hand before backing away and slamming the door. “Bye, honey! We’ll see you in a few weeks for Christmas!” Mrs. Dawson said, tears starting down her cheeks. Laura waved and fought back tears of her own. I rolled up the window and backed slowly down the driveway. Sheriff and Mrs. Dawson waited on the porch until after I’d put the truck in drive and started east. “So,” Laura said, wiping her cheeks with the stretched-out sleeve of her royal blue and red sweatshirt, “What sage advice did Dad give you there?” I held up the small roll of bills he had pushed into my hand. “He told me to stop somewhere nice for lunch and to have a good time.” “Is that all?” she asked skeptically, crinkling her forehead as she lifted an eyebrow. “Yeah, that’s all,” I said. “Nothing about Richard then?”

“What? Just now?” She nodded and crossed her arms sternly. “No, we talked about him last night after you went to bed.” My broad smile wavered when I turned my head to look at her. Her sea blue eyes were narrow slits and her mouth was scrunched closed. I gulped. “Sorry?” I said hesitantly. Her face relaxed immediately and she laughed. “You think you’re pretty funny, don’t ya?” I laughed with her. “Funnier than you, but that’s not really saying much,” she smiled and winked. “True,” I shrugged and started to say something but stopped before the words left my mouth. She didn’t miss the aborted question. “So what about Richard? That’s what you want to ask, isn’t it?” My face was warm and I didn’t need to look in the rear-view mirror to know it was red. I looked out the window instead. Both sides of the road were flanked by empty fields, resting for the winter. “Not that it’s any of your business, but we’re over.” My heart jumped into my throat but I stayed silent. She was quiet for several minutes too. “I don’t know why I even brought him home for Thanksgiving let alone took him back after his friend’s bachelor party. I knew then that he wasn’t worth it and I couldn’t trust him again but he can be so sweet and worked so hard for me to forgive him that I gave him a second

chance. Plus, the holidays were coming up and I really didn’t want to be alone. Saying it out loud makes me sound so pathetic. Anyway, I can’t believe he thought I wanted to get married. I could never marry somebody like that, somebody that would assume I’d be ready to marry him and run off to Europe without him ever talking to me about it. I feel like such an idiot!” She slammed her hand down hard on the armrest and looked out the window. Her eyes, just recently dry, were brimming with tears again. “I don’t think you’re an idiot,” I whispered. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I hoped she hadn’t heard them and would ask me what I said, giving me a chance to think of something better. No luck. “You’re sweet,” she said and wiped at her eyes. “But I’m still stupid for taking him back. The only reason I even brought him for Thanksgiving was his parents were gone and I felt bad about him spending the holiday alone.” “Have you told him?” “Told him what? That I’m an idiot? I’m sure he’s probably thinking that already,” she said morosely. “You know what I mean.” “No, not yet. I kept thinking he’d call or message me but he hasn’t. Hopefully, he’s done with me too and we won’t need to have that conversation.” Her optimistic grin was almost bright enough to be convincing.

“I bet you’re right and will never have to see him again. That is of course unless you end up in a hospital in Paris.” “I think I’d rather die,” she said and immediately stifled a yawn. “Sorry, didn’t get much sleep last night. The four a.m. wake up call is killing me.” “You city folk, thinking the day doesn’t start until an hour after the sun comes up,” I shook my head in bemused confusion. “Knock it off, hay-seed. Not everybody’s comfortable with wearing overalls to Thanksgiving dinner.” “Touché.” She stretched her arms over her head and yawned deeply. Her sweatshirt crept up, revealing two inches of her flat stomach and soft pale skin. The comfort with her I had been feeling was swept away by a tide of desire. “Do you mind if I close my eyes for a little while?” she asked. “Go right ahead. Do you mind if I listen to the radio though?” “Knock yourself out. No hardcore rap though. Stuff gives me a headache.” “How’d you know that’s what I was going for?” I turned on the stereo and opted for a broadcast station instead of the terabyte of music stored in the system. I almost laughed when I heard a familiar song about a cowboy crying tears in his beer. Laura was breathing deeply, curled up in her seat with her hands tucked inside the sleeves of her sweatshirt. One hand was between the door frame and her head serving as an improvised pillow.

Humming along with the radio, I thought of what Sheriff Dawson had whispered after telling me to stop somewhere nice for lunch. “Women don’t usually do their hair and make-up at four in the morning. Be careful with my little girl.” # We stopped in Wichita for a late breakfast and stayed at the restaurant longer than we should have. I could have sat there all day, looking at her across the table, mesmerized by her stories of life at the University of Kansas. “Dad told me to sell you on this,” she said between bites of whipped cream covered pancakes. “Says you’re too smart to not have a degree attached to your name.” “Is that so?” “That’s what he says but I have my doubts.” “You and me both.” White flakes started floating down outside the window. “Crap, Mom’s gonna have a heart attack if we don’t make home tonight.” She looked for our waiter and caught his eye, not a very difficult task since he had been staring at her since we came in. We paid the bill and were out the door in less than five minutes. Inside the truck was freezing. “It warms up fast. You’ll be nice and toasty in a couple minutes.” “Not fast enough for me,” Laura said through chattering teeth. To my dismay, she flipped up the arm rest dividing the wide seat. The barrier protecting me from what I wanted now gone, she slid over until her hip touched mine, grabbed my right

hand off the steering wheel and put my arm around her shoulder. My palm started sweating the second she touched it and I stiffened in my seat. “Don’t get the wrong idea, big guy. I’m just freezing and you’re the warmest thing here,” she said as she pressed further into me and pulled her sweatshirt up until the neck ring covered her nose. “Why don’t you put on your coat?” “Left it in here - it’s probably colder than I am.” I tried to relax but could not get my right hand to unclench from a rigid fist. My stomach churned, ready to reject the omelet from five minutes earlier. I pressed the gas pedal to the floor, hoping not just to get ahead of the snow but also that the increased effort by the engine would speed up the heating process. It didn’t matter though. She stayed next to me for the whole two and half hours to her place in Lawrence. It wasn’t until the last thirty minutes that I was able to breathe without thinking about it. “Oh no,” she whispered when we rounded the last corner. A familiar gray Subaru was idling in front of the small house she rented with a friend. Most of it was hidden under two inches of fresh snow. I pulled to a stop behind Richard’s brand-new car and turned off my thirty year old truck. The engine shuddered like another mile would have killed it. “What do you want to do?” I asked as the truck popped and hissed painfully. Laura looked mournfully at the little sedan and sighed. She pulled a set of keys, adorned with half a pound of trinkets, from her purse. “This one unlocks the deadbolt. I’ll be there in just a minute.”

She pressed the keys into my hand, opened the door and shivering already, hopped out of the truck. Richard waited inside the car as she walked to the passenger side and got in. I hesitated for a minute before getting out myself. I pulled the tarp off the suitcases in the bed of my truck and walked around the front of Richard’s car. He didn’t look happy to see me. I thought about opening the latches on the suitcase so his clothes would spill on the street when he picked it up but wasn’t sure I could pull it off without him noticing. I settled for placing the leather trimmed fabric case in the snow on the hood. At least, if this took a long time, his suitcase might bear some marks of the breakup. I trudged through the snow, dimly aware of the flakes landing on my head and shoulders, and unlocked the door. The house was pretty much what I expected, an eclectic mix of old and worn with a few pieces of new thrown in. The old was in all the furniture and the ancient kitchen appliances while the new was found in the television and music system. The front room, dining room combination had a sagging brown couch and an equally sagging green and pink floral pattern love seat. There was a recliner that looked like it had been pretty old fifty years ago and a couple cheaply made particle board bookcases flanking the flat-panel television. The table looked like it was made of real wood and the matching chairs were all in various states of hurried repairs. Odd screws and chunks of dried glue decorated the legs and back spindles of the deteriorating seats. I put Laura’s suitcase down and stamped my feet to get the snow off my boots before stepping on the thin, beige carpet. The mantle over an old stone fireplace had an assortment of small framed pictures. Half were of Laura with friends, family and soon-to-be ex Richard. The other half were the same mix but focused on her roommate, Andie, a short, redhead with tight curls, stylishly retro horn rimmed glasses and more freckled skin than not. I skipped over her

pictures and looked for more of Laura, sans Richard, and made my way to the collage of unframed pictures taped and tacked to the wall next to the fireplace. My search led me to the first bookcase where I absently looked at the titles of the various textbooks and digital movie files crammed into the shelves. The door flew open, a gust of wind pushing it hard against the stop and blowing in snow. Laura stormed in and slammed it behind her. “Are you okay?” I asked. “I’m fine,” she huffed and bent over to untie her shoes. “I just can’t believe I ever dated him. Nice move on the suitcase by the way. That really ticked him off.” “Oh yeah?” I said, hoping I didn’t sound too proud of myself. “Uh huh. Said that the leather lining was probably ruined now and he should make you replace it.” “Really? I’d like to see him try.” “That’s exactly what I said. He turned white as a ghost, threw the case in his car and took off. I don’t think he liked the idea very much.” She ran a hand through her hair while looking me up and down appraisingly. She stopped at my feet. “You better get those boots off before Andie gets home. She’s a nut about clean floors and will skin you alive for wearing those in the house.” I sat down on the stone base of the fireplace and started undoing the laces of my boots. The strings were cold and soggy and resisted untying. Laura walked to the kitchen. “You want something to drink?”

“Water would be great,” I said and plunked my boots down on the square of linoleum by the door. “I was thinking wine but I guess I’d be breaking the law if I gave you any. You’re still a little young for that, aren’t you?” She grinned devilishly. “I’d hate to make you a criminal. Stuff tastes like rotten grapes anyway. I’ll stick with water.” She opened the cupboard to get some glasses and cursed softly at the empty space. She opened the yellow paneled dishwasher. “Damn it, Andie!” She blushed and looked at me. “She was supposed to run it before she went home. We’ve only got five glasses.” She opened more cupboards and spotted what she was looking for in the third one. A partial bag of plastic cups was on the top shelf, out of her reach. “Do you mind?” she asked, tucking her hair behind her ears and biting her lower lip softly. I couldn’t stop myself from reliving the daydream of kissing her from four days ago. I shook my head to clear the sensations before walking. The last thing I needed was to trip and crush the dilapidated antiques of her home. She shifted out of the way by just a few inches. I almost had to reach over her to get the cups. “There you go.” I handed her the bag. She grabbed it, touching her fingers to mine and looked up into my eyes. I felt the same jolt I had before. Neither of us moved even though I desperately wanted to. The door flew open again. Laura jumped back from me and looked down. I dropped the bag of cups.

“It’s colder than a witch’s tit out there!” Andie said dramatically. “Hi, Andie,” Laura said and quickly walked to her roommate and gave her a hug. “How was your trip?” “Great until the drive home. Took almost eight hours to get here from Omaha. Can you believe that. Eight hours to drive two hundred miles. That’s like…” She looked up, doing the math in her head. She didn’t look like she was finding the answer. “Twenty five miles an hour,” I said. “Yeah, twenty-five miles an hour,” she looked at me for the first time. “Thanks, simple math always screws me up. By the way, who are you?” “Andie, this is Adam. Adam, Andie.” “Adam? As in your new mystery arrival adopted baby brother ‘Adam’?” Andie said wryly. “Yes, that Adam.” Laura looked at me apologetically. Andie leaned in close to Laura and whispered much louder than I’m sure she intended, “He’s cute. Can I have him?” Laura pushed her away. “I was about to open some wine. You want some?” “Sure but I hope you brought some home with you cause I drank the last of it before I left. A little buzz always makes the drive home easier.” “Water it is then,” Laura said and walked back to the kitchen, turned on the faucet and moved to pick up the cups. “I got it,” I said and bent over.

My hand brushed hers on the way down and we both stood up a little too fast. “Oooooh,” Andie said softly, knowingly. “Did I interrupt something?” “No, no,” Laura answered too quickly for my comfort. “It’s just, we were talking. I just broke up with Richard.” “Again?” Andie said and shed her coat and shoes. The rubber bottomed boots stayed in the entry square of plastic. The coat hit the back of one of the falling apart chairs. “Well, good riddance. Never liked him anyway. I just hope it sticks this time.” “I wouldn’t worry about that,” Laura said and explained the debacle on Thanksgiving. “Wow, makes my trip home sound like a luxury vacation,” Andie said when Laura finished. As she launched into the story of the drudgery of three days with her family, I started to feel more than a little out of place. I killed a little time, looking through the book shelves again and drinking my cup of water. I caught Laura’s eye a couple times but Andie had her completely wrapped up for the moment. I looked out the window and saw the snow was still falling steadily. When Andie stopped to take a breath between sentences, I spoke up. “I should probably get going.” “What?” Laura said, surprise painted clearly on her face. “Are you nuts? You can’t drive home in this shit,” Andie said and raised her middle finger to the swirling snow outside the window. “No, I’m supposed to visit campus tomorrow but should probably find a motel or something before the roads get any worse. Two wheel drive truck won’t do too well in the snow.”

“Oh, okay so I’ll see you in the morning then?” Laura said. I was happy that she sounded a little disappointed. Before I could answer, Andie piped up. “That’s just stupid! You should stay here tonight.” “What?” Laura’s eyes grew wide. I couldn’t tell if it was from surprise, horror or maybe excitement. “Just listen, okay. Be dazzled by my brilliance,” Andie held up both hands like she was about to do a magic trick. “Farm boy here goes to a motel and spends seventy bucks and then has to get dinner tonight and breakfast somewhere tomorrow so that’s another twenty - no, thirty bucks. So he’s gonna be a hundred bucks down by the time he hooks up with you tomorrow. What I’m thinking is Adam goes to the store, picks up some cheap wine and a few groceries and he’s more than welcome to sleep on the couch while he’s here. He gets a place to stay, our fantastic company and we get something better than water to drink and some food for less than he’ll spend just taking care of himself.” She put both hands behind her head and looked at Laura and me with a face daring us to defy her logic. “I’m okay with that if you are, but one of you will have to come with me for the wine,” I said to both of them but only looked at Laura. “Sure, I mean it makes sense,” she said and smiled brightly. “Good, now go get your stuff and we’ll draw straws to see who gets to keep you warm tonight.” “Andie!” Laura turned almost as red as me.

Chapter 6 Andie decided we should all walk to the store together since Laura probably wouldn’t let me off easy when it came to buying groceries. “He’s gotta earn his keep,” she said before cursing the continuously falling snow. Laura walked next to me and for a few minutes, swung her arms at her sides. I thought about trying to hold her hand which lead to thinking about many other things: how good it felt to have my arm around her in my truck, how quickly it went from being easy to talk to her to absolutely terrifying, the fact that all I knew about girls I learned from books and movies and was completely out of my league, her only two-hours old official break-up with Richard, and then the fact that she even dated such a jackass in the first place. I tried to derail the thought before it gained speed but was unable to not wonder how far their relationship had progressed. The guy had thought she would marry him after all and my mind jumped through several stages of inevitable intimacy before I was able to stop it just short of the final consummating act. I wanted to hit myself in the forehead, hard enough to forget what I’d imagined. By the time I got my head straightened out enough to think about holding her hand, she’d stuffed both of them in her pockets. Her nose was bright red, matching her cheeks and snowflakes were sticking to her eyelashes.

I was back in the awkward place, not knowing what to say or how to act. As long as I didn’t look at her or think about her I could be fine but it was too late. I was already imagining what her cold lips would feel like pressed against mine or even better, my neck and then my chest with her hands on my bare back. Now I really wanted to hit myself in the face. We reached the store, our path through the snow merging with dozens of others. The place was packed with people and near empty shelves. Andie took charge. “Adam, you get the good snacks. Laura, get the basic food stuffs and meet back here in five minutes.” “What are you gonna get?” I asked, already suspecting the answer. “Nothing for you, young ‘un. Now go get some twinkies or lollypops or whatever it is you kids eat these days.” After shouldering through the checkout line, I went to the back of the store in search of chips and anything else that would pass Andie’s snack test without too much mockery. I passed a small display of fake flowers, actually picked one up before realizing the delicate petals of the red rose were the laced edges of a pair of women’s underwear just folded to look like a flower. I probably wouldn’t even have noticed that if there hadn’t been a coupon attached for condoms. “What are you thinking?” I whispered to myself and resumed my search for suitable snacks. I met the girls a few minutes later and ended up spending a little over a hundred twenty dollars for four bottles of wine and two bags of more practical groceries. “I guess I’ll chalk up the extra twenty to enjoying your wonderful company.” “Yeah, and you’re getting a good deal at that,” Andie said, slipping the wine into a shoulder bag.

“She’s not kidding. Most guys pay a lot more than that for the type of show she’ll put on after she gets a couple glasses of that in her,” Laura said. Andie feigned a hurt look. We had grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for dinner, Laura apologizing for not having anything better and then apologizing for implying I should have bought something better. I laughed at her and Andie told her to quit being a downer. After dinner and a few glasses of wine, Andie turned on the t.v. and found a blue screen on every channel. “You guy’s up for a movie?” “Works for me,” I said, hoping there might be a chance to redeem my hand holding failure. Laura nodded enthusiastically and then shivered. “Do you think it’s cold in here?” “Yeah, maybe a little,” I said. Andie agreed in principle but not degree. “A little nothing. I’m freezing my ass off and I’m already wearing all the warm clothes I’ve got.” “Adam, would you mind starting a fire for us? There’s a wood pile out back,” Laura said, biting her lower lip again. I got the feeling she never heard the answer “no” when she did that. “Sure, be right back,” I said and put on my coat and boots. Outside, the snow was pushing eight inches deep and was still falling. If I was really lucky, it would keep up all night and the highways would be closed for a week. I found the woodpile and it hurt my newly formed farm training. The logs were unevenly split, most of

them way too big to fit in their fireplace. They were haphazardly stacked, most of them toppled to the ground and there was no covering to keep them dry. It took almost twenty minutes of digging around to find a good armful of wood dry enough to burn. By pure accident, I found an old rusted hatchet buried in the messy wood heap and added it to my load to make kindling. I walked around the house, back to the front door. When I opened it, Laura and Andie both jumped a little on the couch. They were sitting with their legs curled underneath them and sipping wine from plastic cups. “Crap, Adam, knock first. You almost made me spill,” Andie said like it was liquid gold instead of five dollar wine. “I’m going to get some more wood, okay? Do you want me to knock when I get back?” I dropped the wood by the fireplace and headed back outside. “Hurry back,” Laura said and then made my heart jump. “I need you to warm me up.” She broke it just as fast. “With the fire, I mean.” I heard Andie laughing as I closed the door. It didn’t take as long to get the second load of wood. I was back at the front door before they expected me. I raised my hand to knock like a smart-ass when I realized I could hear their conversation through the cracks of an old window next to the door. It wasn’t my intention to eaves drop but the first words I heard froze me in place. “So you don’t know anything about him then?” “Nothing before he showed up at Ruth’s place that night. But I already told you my parents trust him, practically love him and the Bakers feel the same. He’s a wonderful guy.”

“Yeah, but what was he before he showed up naked in the barn? He could be a serial killer or even worse, a conservative like your dad.” “No, not possible. He’s sweet and gentle and nice…” “And easy on the eyes. I gotta say, first time I looked at him I felt a little fire down there. Broad shoulders, dimpled chin, shaggy in an ‘I honestly don’t know how hot I am’ hair. Don’t tell me you’re not thinking about it.” “Shut up,” Laura said and laughed. “I just don’t know though. Do you think he’ll think I’m some kind of tramp with the whole Richard thing?” There was a protracted pause and some whispering that didn’t carry through the shaded window. “Well, if I were you,” Andie said loudly, her words slightly slurred, “I’d check his I.D. first, just to make sure he is actually eighteen.” I dropped the arm load of wood. I was picking it up when Andie opened the door. Laura was sitting on the couch, painfully avoiding looking at me. “What happened?” Andie asked. “I went to knock so I wouldn’t scare you again and lost my grip,” I lied. It must have been good enough. Laura looked up from her careful study of her plastic cup. As I split the driest logs into kindling and tried to not think about what I overheard, Laura listed off the movie titles on the shelves and stored in their entertainment terminal. I absently repeated, “Seen it,” to every one of them, not realizing it until after I had a small fire going. “Well, I guess a movie’s out,” Laura said and used my shoulders as support while she crouched down next to me.

She stretched her hands towards the fire and rubbed them in the radiant heat. “A game then,” Andie said and staggered back to her room. She was back a moment later with an old tattered box. “Oh no! Not that one again,” Laura moaned. “What’s wrong with it? It’s my favorite,” Andie defended. “I swear you’re like a drunk dialer. Every time you’re a little tipsy, you head right for that.” “What game is it?” Laura shot me a dirty look. “I dunno, it might be fun,” I said. “Don’t encourage her,” Laura said but it was too late. Andie was already pulling the table closer to the fireplace and setting up the board. “Trivial Pursuits,” she said and waved her hand over the box. “Genius edition ten.” “I think that reads, ‘Genus,’” I said very softly to Laura. She stifled a giggle behind her hand. “Well, are you two pansies ready for a general knowledge smack down?” Andie challenged defensively. “Brace yourself, this can take a couple hours and the more she drinks, the longer it takes.” She let her hand trail from my shoulder down my back until it rested just above my belt. I tried to think of something witty but had no chance. Half an hour later, the game was over. Andie had been cutting me apart with icy glares since my first turn when I burned through ten questions in a row.

“So you’ve seen every movie under the sun and you used to read a lot, huh?” she said accusingly. “That’s about it.” The more I took the lead and the more she drank, the more aggressive she became. “Sounds like life in prison, if you ask me.” Laura stiffened next to me and I felt her leg move, swinging a kick at Andie’s shin that missed. “Not prison,” I said. “You can check my I.D. if you want.” I pulled the silver cylinder from my pocket. Since I never needed it in Red Water, I had almost not brought it with me. Sheriff Dawson had reminded me at the last minute I had to have it, first, to drive legally, something he was pretty lax about in town. And second, in case I decided to apply at KU. “Let’s just say I had a pretty rigid upbringing,” I said and tried to smile but I don’t think it was very convincing. “Alright then, smart guy,” Andie stood shakily and walked out of the room with a hand against the wall for support. “Sorry about this,” Laura said. “I should have warned you she doesn’t like to lose. If you want to live through the night, you might want to let her win whatever she has up her sleeve.” “I’ll try, but I don’t like losing either.” “Hah!” Andie charged back into the room holding a thick book with both hands. “I don’t think you’ll have much of a chance. That’s her biggest gun,” Laura said and giggled softly. “She calls it her big book of inspiration.”

Andie started thumbing through the pages, mumbling something I couldn’t quite here. “What is it, exactly?” “I don’t know the title, something her parents gave her for Christmas the year she finally picked physics as her major. It’s a collection of biographies of the most influential physicists, past and present. I couldn’t tell you more than three or four names in there.” “That’s cause you’re a dumb chemistry chick. Physics is what the big thinkers study.” Andie stuck out her tongue. Laura did the same. “So, what are the rules?” I asked. Laura smiled and patted my cheek. “There are no rules, sweetie. Just Andie rattling off questions until you get one wrong. Then she calls you an idiot and the game’s over. Have fun.” She stood up, went into the kitchen and started rinsing the dishes from dinner. “How many do I need to answer right to win?” “I’ll give you a sporting chance. Three out of five and I’ll declare you Grand Master of everything. Get three wrong and you’ve gotta kiss my pinky toe-nail and call me your queen.” “I’ll call you my queen but under no circumstance will I touch your feet.” “Fair enough. Let’s start with an easy one.” “Number one: What year did Einstein win the Nobel Prize?” “Don’t know. 1920 maybe?” “Ooo, so close - 1921. Want to keep going or just give up now?” Andie taunted. “Keep it rolling. I’ve got four more tries,” I said, guessing the next question would be somehow related to the first. She seemed a little too gone to be too creative. “Number two: Who won the next year?”

“Niels Bohr.” “What in the hell?” she said and slammed the book. “You’re cheating. You’ve got to be cheating.” She shook her head so hard her glasses shifted. When she reached up to correct them, her hand stopped and her mouth opened wide. “You’ve been reading the answers off my glasses, haven’t you?” “What?” I said, not sure if she was joking or not. “That’s it. That explains it. You’re not some sort of farm boy savant. You’re a dirty lying cheater reading the answers off the reflection of my glasses. You should be ashamed of yourself.” She was swaying from side to side, over correcting her balance with each move. I thought I might need to catch her but she steadied herself and glared at me. Laura was trying not to laugh in the kitchen and having a very hard time of it. Despite being accused of cheating, the situation and Andie’s anger were so overblown that I was barely keeping a straight face. “That’s ridiculous,” I said. “Take off your glasses and ask me one more question.” “Fine but I don’t need the book for this one,” she said and stared at me defiantly. “Who said, “When looked at closely enough, all true science is physics.”” “Dr. Marcus,” I whispered and felt all the air go out of my chest. Two worlds crushed into each other, grinding and pulverizing borders until one lumpy, uneven mass remained and revolved painfully in my skull.

I was only dimly aware of Andie throwing her book to the floor and storming away. The sound of the thick text hitting the ground and the slam of her bedroom door might as well have been shotgun blasts to my head. “Now you’ve done it. I’d sleep with one eye open if I were you.” Laura’s voice sounded like it was coming from the end of a long dark tunnel. I looked at her, reeling under the weight of what I was thinking. I had thought less and less about life before my escape, quickly shunning any thoughts or memories of Dr. Marcus and his team, General Brayton and the labs. Picking up my I.D. cylinder that morning had triggered a few errant thoughts that I quickly buried but hearing Dr. Marcus’ words, the same words he had said to me more times than I could count completely destroyed the barrier around that part of my conscious. The next thing I was aware of was Laura, crouching in front of me and looking at me with great concern. “Adam? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” she asked. Her words sounded thick and were hard to understand. “Sorry,” I managed to say. “I guess I didn’t realize she’d be so upset.” Laura ran a cool, wet hand across my cheek. Her eyes told me she wasn’t buying. “Is that all?” No matter how much I wanted to, I could not look her in the eyes and lie. “No,” I admitted painfully. “Just brought to mind a bad memory. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked sincerely, hopefully but most important, compassionately. “No, not now. I’m sorry but I just can’t.”

Her hand was still on my cheek, pulling my mind and body away from the past and back into the present. “Alright. I understand,” she said and noticed something over my shoulder. “Is it really that late?” I turned and looked at the clock. “Almost one in the morning.” We stood at the same time, our bodies only inches apart. I thought about wrapping my arms around her, pulling her against me, feeling her hips pressed against mine but the idea was swept away when I saw Andie’s book over her shoulder. “We should probably get some sleep,” I said. Laura’s shoulders sagged and eyes dropped. “You’re right. I have a class to teach in the morning. There are some sheets and a blanket in here. Help yourself.” She turned away quickly and opened a small closet. There was a gray wool blanket on the middle shelf with a set of thin, red sheets. “Good night, Adam,” she said without looking at me. Her door closed seconds later. “Son of a bitch!” I swore hard at myself. It felt like my head was going to explode. I picked up the book and read the title, Universe Definers, and threw it on the love seat. I grabbed the sheets and blanket and quickly made the couch into a bed. I stared at the book, fighting against the almost life threatening need to read about Dr. Marcus, learn who he was and the work that defined his life in science. Right in front of me could be answers to questions I had forced myself to stop asking. Fifteen feet

away, behind a closed door was something just as if not more important. And the damning part was knowing who or what I really was could make that go away. I grabbed the neck of my t-shirt and jerked it over my head angrily. When I pulled it all the way off, Laura was standing in the short hall holding a pillow. “I thought you might need this,” she said after a silent inspection of my shirtless torso. She gave no indication whether or not she liked what she saw and tossed the pillow towards the couch. “Uh, thanks. That’ll be nice.” She started to turn but before she could make it very far, I had a hand on her shoulder. “Wait, please,” I said, forgetting I was shirtless, forgetting the dying fire behind me and for a fleeting moment, forgetting everything except her eyes. They were so blue, so clear, I felt like I was looking straight through them to the inner most places of her heart and mind. I could also feel them reaching into mine and doing the same. “I’m sorry. I really am but there are a lot of things I just don’t know about my past and until I know all the answers, I don’t know what to tell you. I want to but I can’t. Can’t it just be enough that you know me now? Can’t it be enough that your…” Her lips were on mine and her arms were wrapped around my neck before I could say another word. It felt like I was drinking fire, burning in my mouth and down my throat with pure pleasure. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around her back, my lips moving of their own volition, playing a sensual game with hers. I felt dizzy and lost with every movement of her fingers in my hair and the sensation of her breathing in my arms.

It was over too soon. She stepped back, out of my arms, pulling her hands out of my hair and lips out of my reach. Her face was flushed and her breaths coming hard and fast. Her eyes smoldered with a mixture of emotion I could never define. “It’s enough for tonight,” she said. “But it won’t keep me forever.” She turned on her heel and disappeared into her room again. I fell back on the loveseat, dumbfounded and reeling. The book jabbed into my back painfully.

Chapter 7 The sound of a shower woke me in the morning. I drifted in and out of restless sleep for several minutes until a hairdryer fired to life on the other side of the thin wall. My head hurt and eyes did not open beyond a narrow slit. I licked my dry lips and tasted her on them, snapping all my senses to life. I looked at the kitchen clock. It was eight in the morning, only four hours after the last time I remember looking. I had stared at the book for almost an hour trying to find the balance between what it had to offer and what Laura had shared with me. I spent the next one trying to convince myself it was what I needed to do and the final hour memorizing every detail of Dr. Keith Marcus’ life and work. Some things I knew, that his specialty was in anti-matter creation and his work in that field pioneered new methods towards making it a viable energy source and earned him his scientific fame. What I didn’t know was that his wife and son died in a car crash in two

thousand four. Up to that point, his work had been brilliant but after the accident, it became frantic to a point that none were surprised when he suffered a heart attack in early two thousand eight, four years before I was born. I read the small biography at least ten times before realizing it couldn’t help me. Laura came out of the bathroom, dressed, hair and make-up ready for the day. “Did I wake you up? I’m sorry,” she said. She leaned over the arm of the couch, her face hanging dangerously close to mine. “It’s okay,” I said, intoxicated by the scent of her hair and forgetting whatever else I wanted to say. “You know, I heard you last night, still up and moving around for a long time after I went to bed.” “You gave me a lot to think about,” I answered. Laura grinned impishly, leaned in and kissed me. It was just enough to renew her flavor on my lips. “Go take a shower before Andie wakes up and uses all the hot water. I’ve got to be out the door in forty-five minutes.” Andie stomped out of her room in a tattered robe and felt pajamas. “I’m gonna need a long shower this morning so you better make it quick, farm boy,” she said and looked at the table. “Did we play Trivial Pursuits last night?” She looked to Laura and me for an answer. She spotted her book on the floor in front of the couch. “Oh hell,” she said and turned around, “I’m going back to bed.” #

“I teach a class and then have office hours after that but I’m free for a couple hours for lunch. Do you want to meet me in the chem building lobby at noon?” “Sounds good,” I said and squeezed her gloved hand. She had made it extremely easy for me to hold it, brushing her index finger against my pinky when we left her house. The walk wasn’t very long, less than a mile and most of the snow covering the sidewalks had been tramped down by intrepid early risers needing to get to campus early regardless of the record setting snowfall. Everywhere else, there was an almost foot thick layer of pristine white. Even the streets remained covered with only occasional tire-tracks cutting through the perfect blanket of glittering white. The further we walked, the more people we encountered. Several waved at Laura, especially as the chemistry building drew closer. A few, girls mostly, gave us quizzical looks, their eyes darting from our interlocked hands to me, obviously not the shorter, thinner Richard they were expecting. We were standing just outside the entrance to her building, with a fairly steady stream of people moving past us. Several mumbled frozen greetings to Laura. “My class,” she said and pinched the collar of my coat with her free hand. “I should probably get in there. Are you sure you don’t want to observe a chemistry genius in action?” “Do you have a guest lecturer today?” Her eyes narrowed, making the deep blue look almost black between her eyelashes. “Kidding, just kidding,” I said and pulled her close, wishing our thick coats and at least one of the underlying layers were gone so I could feel her body better. “I’m sure your class would boggle my mind but if I go to the visitor center and walk around campus a bit now, it’ll give me more time to take you to dinner tonight. How’s that sound?” “You’re a lot smarter than you look,” she said and stood on her toes to kiss me.

“You’ve got to stop doing that,” I said when she was done. “You don’t like it?” She batted her eyelashes and tilted her head teasingly. “No, I love it but I can’ think straight when you do that.” “Why do you think I keep doing it?” She ran inside, shouting over her shoulder, “Twelve o’clock sharp!” I ran through the snow to the visitor’s center and stuffed a handful of pamphlets into my back pocket when I got there. My lungs burned with each breath when I got back to chemistry building but it was worth it. I’d only lost twenty minutes of my three hour window. There was a map hanging behind a sheet of yellowed plastic in a foyer on the ground floor. I followed its directions to a mostly vacant computer lab. A few eyes looked up when I came in but most kept their focus on what was in front of them. Laura had scribbled down her access information and stuffed it in my pocket when I told her I might visit the library if I ran out of other things to do. I left the information where it was. Whatever I did, I didn’t want to leave a trail to her doorstep. What I was looking for was probably safe enough but when it came to involving anyone else in my past, too much caution did not exist. I looked for the computer lab assistant and spotted the top of a head behind a chest level counter in the corner. “Excuse me,” I said and realized the tech was a girl. The only thing that gave it away under the baggy black layers of clothes, boyishly cut dark hair and pierced eyebrows was the interlocking female symbol tattooed on the side of her neck. “Yeah?” Her eyes were blood shot and barely focused. “I need a computer.”

“What’s your student number?” she said drearily and took her feet off the counter. Her black painted nails poised over her keyboard. “I’m not a student. I just need to use a computer for a couple hours.” She glared at me, leaned back in her chair again and put her feet back up on the desk. “Lab computers are for students only.” She pointed at a sign on the wall behind her. “There’re some public domain computers in the student union building.” “Can I access the physics library through those?” She smacked her gum loudly. “No.” “Well, that’s why I need one of these,” I explained and offered, “I’ll give you twenty for an hour.” “Forty,” she said without a moment’s hesitation. “Fine, forty but for that, I get to stay on until noon.” “Whatever,” she said and hit a few keys with one hand. I passed her two bills. “Number sixteen,” she said. “Computer shuts down if you search for porn.” I thought about saying something to defend my intentions but could tell from her face, I was already as dead as yesterday. An hour later, I was in the same place as the night before but with more information leading to nowhere. The digital library had dozens of papers written by Dr. Marcus, hundreds of pages of calculations, proofs and experimental results and several biographies more extensive than what Andie’s book had contained but it was all worthless as far as I was concerned. I wasn’t too surprised that I wasn’t finding anything right off the bat that could explain my unique

situation. The fact that all the biographies said Dr. Keith Marcus was dead and only dealt with his work through two thousand four added to the solemn air of secrecy surrounding my existence. Desperate for any information, I almost typed “Guardians of the Source” into a search engine but stopped myself. I had to stick to my plan. Researching a physicist in a physics library shouldn’t raise enough flags to cause a problem. Leaving the university’s network and looking for inter-dimensional zealots might not either but I doubted it. Querying “General Brayton” was completely out of the question. I ran through all the names I knew, all the scientists, technicians and engineers I had seen on almost a daily basis for years. Most of the names returned no results at all, like their bearers had never existed. Many returned varied stories that all ended with a death date falling anywhere between a few years before my supposed birth and ten years ago. I paced behind the empty row of chairs flanking my computer. The gothic tech looked at me briefly and dismissed my crazed antics quickly. Several students seemed to decide it was a good time to finish what they were doing and leave the lab. Forcing myself to calm down, I took my seat again. The clock at the bottom right corner of the screen was creeping steadily closer to noon. There was excitement and dread as each minute ticked by. I rubbed my face with both hands and asked myself what I was doing. Did I really expect to find all the answers through a simple two hour search? And, what would she think if I just told her what I did know? After all, I’d only known her for a handful of days. Who’s to say she had any interest in me beyond something fleeting or being an easy replacement for Richard? How could I know if her feelings went deep enough to even make it worth laying out a short life history that starts and ends in lies and confusion?

The more I thought about it, the more I began to doubt what I was doing. The stark clarity of my sleep deprived decision last night was obscured by layer upon layer of reasoning. I looked at the small digits again. Almost time to go meet Laura for lunch. As soon as I thought it, thought about touching her hand, feeling her skin and her lips, my chest hurt like my heart had stopped. The certainty came back with concussive force. No matter what she felt or to what degree she had feelings for me, I knew how I felt about her. That made it worth it, but it would have to wait until after lunch. The clock showed five after twelve so I quickly logged off and ran to the exit. I turned right out of the door to go to the lobby and crashed into somebody coming in. “Watch it, asshole!” “Sorry, sorry,” I said and bent down to help the student pick up the books I’d knocked out of his arms. I almost threw up when I actually looked at him. Dressed in fatigues with an army cap pulled low, the brim touching his eyebrows, the pimple faced soldier snatched the books out my hands. My first thought was that my searches triggered an alarm and they had found me. Anger flashed, overpowering the feeling of nausea and my hands balled into fists as my fight instinct reared its head. “Easy, pal,” the young soldier said. “Army?” I grunted, stepping back and looking him from head to toe. He wasn’t here to capture me. General Brayton wouldn’t have sent just one soldier. “Army ROTC. You got a problem with that?!” he said aggressively, plainly bothered by my tensed hands.

“No, sorry,” I mumbled and moved past him. I was breathing hard, heart and lungs thumping as I charged up to the lobby. Laura was already there. “What’s wrong, Adam?” “Nothing, nothing. Just didn’t want to be late.” I was talking faster than I wanted to but hardly noticed. I kept looking around, knowing the ROTC student was not a threat but still fueled by the underlying fear of discovery. “Not buying. What happened?” I almost told her the truth. The words were ready to spill out, describing in every detail the little pieces I knew and the continental sized chunks I didn’t. I closed my mouth and her face hardened. The concern in her eyes was pushed back behind cool anger. “Oh,” she said and stepped back. “It’s about that.” “Yeah,” I mumbled. It was pathetic but there wasn’t anything to add to it. “That’s it? That’s all I get?” she said, her voice soft but teetering on the brink of something else. “Can we not have this conversation here?” I motioned towards the door. She walked ahead of me. “I just don’t see why you won’t tell me,” she said with icy puffs of breath once outside. “Dad checked you out and there’re no worries there. Whatever it is you’re running from, you can tell me. I’m sure it’s not as big of a deal as you think.” I rolled my eyes and held back saying, “Wanna bet?” Military’s most wanted list was a pretty big deal. Kill then capture orders for inter-dimensional soldiers was even bigger.

“You think this is funny?” she said, seeing my poignant smile. “No, I don’t but …” Again, no words to complete the thought. “But what? You like making everyone guess? You like making me wonder where you came from?” “No, I don’t!” I said, louder and angrier than I wanted too but her questions had reignited the feelings of frustration and confusion from my research. This combined with the after effects of my run in with the soldier-in-training was clouding my head and fueling my anger. “Then why won’t you tell anyone? Why won’t you tell me?” “Cause I can’t, alright! I just can’t! I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know how to tell you. All I know is I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” “Why would we get hurt by you telling us where you came from?” Fear was on her face. It pierced me like a knife. “That’s not what I meant,” I said, wondering how this was happening. Five days ago, life was perfect. I was living a simple life, enjoying my job and grateful for the wonderful people that had taken me in. Now, I was having an argument with a girl I hardly knew but could not think of without picturing a small house, a soft bed and a life together. And while we fought, half of me was waiting for the whine of sirens or an explosion announcing the arrival of dimension hopping homicidal zealots. “Adam, who are you?” Laura asked, looking hard into my face and taking my hands in hers. If we hadn’t been wearing gloves, if we had actually touched, flesh to flesh, if I hadn’t crashed into the ROTC kid, if it was just the military after me, if it had been something

explainable like running away from home, if I had the slightest clue what the answer was, I would have told her right then and there just to take the pain out of her eyes. “I can’t.” I pulled my hand away, turned on my heels and ran. She didn’t call after me. Wanting her to made me feel foolish but I still hoped she would. I ran all the way back to her house, ears peaked for any sound of her voice. I stopped in the middle of the freshly plowed street and looked back. She was not following me. I debated leaving my bag in her house, forgetting the few belongings I’d brought with me for the sake of getting away before she might arrive but decided against it. For what I had in mind, I couldn’t afford to waste anything. “Come in!” Andie bellowed when I knocked on the door. She was at the table, still wearing the pajamas from before breakfast and eating a bowl of cereal. “Hey, supes, take off your shoes,” she said, peering over the top of her glasses. I plunked down on the base of the fireplace and worked at the soggy knots rather than argue about how quick I was going to be. Andie’s wrath wasn’t worth it. “Where’s Laura?” “Coming later,” I grunted and slipped off my boots. In less than two minutes, everything I’d brought was stuffed back into my duffle bag. “You headin’ home already, supes?” “Yeah,” I said shortly as I put my boots back on. Waste of effort to take them off and put them back on for a two minute job. “Why do you keep calling me that?” “Seemed like a good fit, you know tall, strong, mystery man from a small Kansas town: Superman, supes for short.”

“Cute,” I said and grabbed my bag. My hand was on the door knob. “Does Laura know you’re leaving?” The question provided the final impetus I needed to get out the door and on the road.

Chapter 8 My original plan had been to gather my things, say brief goodbyes and be a thousand miles away by the next day. Turns out, it’s not that easy to get out of Red Water. The Dawsons were confused but understanding. Laura must have continued being more wonderful than words and not told them exactly how things had happened. Still, I couldn’t stay with them anymore. Seeing her pictures, living in her home, spending time with her father whom she spoke like and her mother whom she moved like was too much for me. I was now with the Bakers, sleeping on their couch until the babies were born. Their birth coincided with the removal date of Gary’s leg brace, almost two months before the original estimate. I couldn’t leave before then without feeling like I was abandoning them like a coward. I’d already felt enough of that emotion driving home from Lawrence. The babies were due on December twentieth, the same day the semester would end for Laura. I was desperate for them to come early, even if only a day so that they could be here and Gary would be close enough to getting his brace off that I could be gone at least a few hours before she came home. My window of opportunity was rapidly shrinking since it was now the eighteenth and the babies seemed like they were still nice and comfortable in their womb no matter how uncomfortable that made Ruth.

I tried to tell myself that it was easy for Laura since she didn’t feel for me what I felt for her, that I was just a rebound from Richard but every time I tried to make myself believe that, I thought of her eyes, brimming with tears and filled with deep hurt and confusion. Whatever it was I felt for her, she felt it for me. I broke her heart and in the process, left a large piece of my own behind. I was carrying an armful of firewood to the house when I heard Gary shouting. It was early in the morning and I was walking careful on the quarter inch layer of ice coating the ground, house, trees and everything else in sight. Two nights before, an ice storm had hit, at first drenching the snow on the ground, turning it into gray slush, and then freezing as the night grew colder. It never reach a temperature that would turn the falling rain drops into snow so the almost frozen water continued to fall, covering everything before freezing into a solid sheet of ice. Tree limbs buckled under the accumulated weight and power poles leaned heavily to one side with cables locked in ice, pulling them towards the ground. Most roads were still covered with the slick layer, making trips out of the house something reserved for emergency only. “Adam! Adam, get in here!” I dropped the wood and ran inside and up the stairs to Gary and Ruth’s bedroom. It only took a second to confirm what his shouts had implied. “Call the Dawsons!” I nodded and ushered Robby and Sarah out of the doorway and downstairs. The phone only rang once before Mrs. Dawson answered. She forgot to hang up and I heard her shouting to Sheriff Dawson as she rushed to get out the door. “They’re coming, David! Right now!” And then Sheriff Dawson’s distant voice.

“Of course they are! The roads’re still damn near frozen over!” I ended the call and heard a stifled wail from upstairs. I turned to Robby and Sarah. “Are you guys okay for just a second?” Sarah’s eyes were the size of saucers and she was chewing the inside of her cheek frantically. Robby tried to look brave, even put his arm around his little sister but his face was just as grave as hers. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing happened. He settled for a jittery nod. “I’ll be right back,” I said and ran up the stairs. “What can I do?” “I don’t know,” said a pale Gary. He was holding Ruth’s hand, running his other hand over her sweat soaked hair. He’d pulled a chair up to the bed, sitting with his leg outstretched in front of him. Ruth’s face tensed and she bared her teeth in a grimace. She groaned until the contraction finished. Breathing hard, she said, “Take care of the kids until the Dawsons get here. That’s about all you can do.” “Okay,” I said and turned to the door gladly. As long as no lives were in jeopardy, I was grateful to be out of the room and away from the odd smelling damp of the bed and blankets. Downstairs, Robby had turned on the television and started one of Sarah’s movies. I sat down on the couch. Robby and Sarah climbed onto my lap the moment I sat down. I wrapped my arms around both of them and held them extra tight with each groan from upstairs. None of us relaxed at all, waiting on razor’s edge for the sound of the Dawson’s truck outside or Ruth screaming in greater pain.

What we heard after ten minutes of tense waiting was neither. It sounded like the muted explosion of a cannon shot. My chest seized as my first thought was of the mixed ripping and booming sound of the Guardians of the Source but I pushed it back, forcing myself to realize what I heard was smaller. I shifted the kids off my lap and ran to a window facing the road. I was out the door in no time, running towards the back end of the Dawson’s truck. The front end was wrapped around the base of a power pole. Already overburdened by the ice, the impact of the truck sliding off the road had snapped the pole four feet above the ground. The top of the pole had fallen back across the cab, creasing it down the middle and shattering the windows. I could see Sheriff and Mrs. Dawson struggling inside to get out but the collapsed roof had bent the doors shut with it. Behind the truck, a broken power line writhed and sparked on the road like an electric snake looking to strike. “Don’t get out of the truck! The power line’s down!” Sheriff Dawson heard me and grabbed Mrs. Dawson’s shoulder. I waited, watching the black insulated wire spark and saw something that made me feel I’d jumped from a plane my parachute didn’t open. Under the truck, liquid was dropping steadily, collecting in a pool that spread in all directions. From where I stood, I had no way of knowing what is was, anti-freeze, windshield fluid, oil but my gut told me it was the worst it could be. Gas dripping and spreading continuously closer to an ignition source less than ten feet away. Dr. Marcus’ warnings flashed through my head but didn’t stop me from tearing off my coat off and rolling up my left sleeve. I grabbed my arm by the elbow and stared at it and the callused hand.

Two lives in the truck. Two new lives waiting to start inside the house. A mother needing the care of a midwife. Five lives in all. There was no time to wait or second guess my decision. I closed my eyes and focused on separating the coarse matter from my actual composition. The pain I had forgotten shredded my senses as a billion points of fire tore through the flesh of my hand and arm. My body, my true body, fought to purge the molecules from its framework and screamed at me as the nine month old bonds were destroyed. I fell to my knees and fought to stay conscious as the agony spread from the tips of my fingers to my palm and then up to my elbow. I felt every layer; every strata of tissue disintegrate and cried under the weight of the pain. When it was over, my left hand and arm, up to my elbow where my right hand had held like a vice signaling the stopping place glowed with a familiar white light. I flexed my fingers, felt the ripple of muscle in my forearm and the almost forgotten sensation of pure matter. I jumped to my feet, dimly aware of the pain radiating from the ring dividing the zero-matter from the rest of my body and ran, bounding like a deer to keep only one foot on the ground at a time. Reaching the end of the broken cable, I landed with both feet together and grabbed the live wire. The electricity sparked when I picked it up, looking for a path through me to the ground. The perfect bonding of the zero-matter tissue gave it nowhere to go, no electrons to highjack and move, insulating the rest of me from the current. I ran with the wire towards the power pole with the gray drum transformer at the top. I jammed the end of the cable into the ground at the base of the pole, my fist punching through the frozen earth, until I felt the loop of the ground wire. I forced the cable against the bare copper

ground wire, sliding it between the coil and the pole and pinched it in place with my fingers before running to the truck to free Sheriff and Mrs. Dawson. Between my pulling and Sheriff Dawson’s kicking from the inside, the passenger side door opened. Mrs. Dawson looked once at my face and then at my glowing hand before grabbing her medical bag and running across the ice towards the house. Sheriff Dawson stayed where he was. “What are you?” he asked in awe. His question shook me from the dazed aftermath of adrenaline induced action. “Oh hell!” I yelled and started running. “What do you need?” Sheriff Dawson huffed, running and sliding on the ice, trying to keep up. “Nothing, but you all need to leave. Get out of here as soon as you can.” I raced past my truck towards the back of the house. I jerked the wood splitting axe from the log I’d sunk it in that morning. “Why?” “I don’t have time to explain. I need to go but all of you need to get away from here. Take the Baker’s to your house. I’ll try to lead them away from here but I don’t know if it will work. All of you need to be gone now!” I heard a scream from inside the house, echoing off the ice covered trees and barn. “As soon as the babies can move, get them out of here!” I raced back to the truck, skidding the last few feet. I threw the axe in the bed, opened the door and cranked the ignition without getting in. The engine fought hard to stay asleep but eventually roared to life.

“What are we running from?” Sheriff Dawson asked and grabbed my shoulders. “What are you?” His eyes searched me, jumping from my face to my radiant arm. “I wish I knew,” I said, tearing free of his hands and scrambling into the truck. “Get out of here as soon as you can. I’ll call when I’m far enough away.” I put the truck into drive and fighting the desperate urge to floor the gas pedal and eased the truck forward on the ice. I watched Sheriff Dawson step after me twice before stopping, shaking his head and going into the house. # I drove almost straight south for two hours, not making it near as far as I would have liked before stopping for gas. While I drove the empty roads, I hung my arm and hand out the window trying to leave a trail of my energy signal for the Source Guardians or army to follow. I kept the radio off, waiting to hear a dimension rending explosion or thump of helicopter blades and fighting away the thought that they’d missed my energy signal when I tore my suit on the plow so they might have missed it again. No matter how much I wanted to turn around and explain face to face what and who I was, I couldn’t. It was too dangerous. Even calling might be the wrong choice but I needed to know everyone was safe. At the gas station, I pulled on my coat and work gloves before getting out of the truck. I’d tried to build a new hand and arm, hoping I might be able to absorb enough free atoms to hide the glowing flesh but there was not enough in the air for me to work with. I paid cash inside before tanking up and bought a disposable phone and thirty minutes of air time. I drove out of town, heading west for fifteen minutes before finding a good place.

I stopped the truck and opened the tool box in the bed. I pulled out the gray shield suit and carried it into the abandoned house I’d seen from the road. I carried the axe in my other hand with a roll of orange twine and duct tape slipped over the handle. The crumbling relic of a farmhouse had a thick slab foundation, perfect for what I needed. I laid my suit on the floor, stretched out the left arm and cut it at the shoulder with a heavy blow from the axe. I pulled the sleeve over my arm with more wish than actual hope that this would work. My reasoning was my zero-matter body was undetectable when housed in coarse matter so if the sleeve was secured to my shoulder, the flesh combined with the engineered material should hide my exposed arm. I fashioned a loop out of the orange twine and slid it over the sleeve to the top of my bicep. I pulled it tight, using my teeth and right hand to secure the knot. I tightened the loop like a tourniquet, twisting a small stick under the twine until I could feel the coarse part of my arm tingle. Several layers of duct tape were used to further seal the opening. It was crude and laughable but still the best thing I could think of short of amputating my arm. I had to cut the sleeve of my jacket to get it on over the thick glove. I picked up the small phone I’d bought and dialed Sheriff Dawson’s mobile number. My mouth went dry as it rang again and again, more times than it should have. “Hello? Adam, is that you?” “Is everyone okay?” “Yes, everyone’s fine. Ruth and the babies are sleeping but all of us are worried about you. What happened?” I didn’t answer. “Are you still at the Bakers?” “No, we left, just like you said. We’re all back at our place…”

“Good, good…” I paused, wondering how to ask if inter-dimensional soldiers in scarlet, armored space suits had invaded the town yet, “Has anything unusual happened?” “No, nothing other than you…” It was his turn to struggle for the right words. “What happened? What did you do?” I cut him off before he could say anything else. I had no idea who else might be listening to the call but just in case, better leave things brief. As long as they were fine and away from the Baker’s farm, that was all that mattered. “Sheriff Dawson,” I said quickly. “I can’t tell you what happened. Tell everyone I love them and I’m sorry.” I ended the call by popping the back off the phone and taking out the batteries. I dropped it on the floor and smashed it with the back of the axe. Whoever was tracking me, Guardians or General Brayton, their path should stop here. I got in the truck and headed east; going to the last place I wanted to but knowing I had no other choice. # It was late evening when Laura got home. I’d waited in my truck for a little over an hour. She was bundled up, wearing the same coat, hat, and scarf as the last time I saw her. I don’t know why I was surprised, frugal college student situation and all, but it brought back fresh pain and for a split second, I considered the axe in the back and chopping off my arm instead of hurting her again. The option was out of my hands when she noticed my truck. “Adam?” she called out and walked towards me.

I got out, stumbling when my feet hit the ground. The past several hours had become agonizingly long. The boundary by my elbow burned like fire as zero-matter joined flesh. I could feel every point of death where I had shed my arm and the pain was growing. “Oh my god,” Laura whispered and ran to me, wrapped her arms around my chest in a tight embrace and slipped around under my right arm to lend me support. “What happened to you?” “Have you talked to your parents? The Bakers?” I gasped as she moved towards her house. “No, not since a few days ago. Why? What happened? Is everyone okay?” I stopped, forcing her to stop with me. “They’re all fine.” She twisted around, keeping one arm around me and looking up into my face. Her eyes cut into me. “What’s wrong then? Why are you here? When you left, I thought that…” “I’m sorry.” I closed my eyes, unable to take in the hurt in hers. “I didn’t want to but I didn’t have another choice. It was to protect you.” “Protect me from what?” she asked and then noticed the thick gray glove covering my hand and the open slit in the sleeve of my coat. It derailed her original question. “What happened?” I froze, even though I knew what I came to her for, had built myself up the entire drive, actually saying the words was like trying to dislodge a boulder from my throat. “Remember when you said I would tell you everything?” She nodded warily.

“Do me a huge favor and I’ll give it all up.” “What’s the favor?” she asked skeptically but I could tell from the way she leaned her head back that she was intrigued. “I need access to a chemistry lab and need to find the following elements, preferably in gaseous form,” I rattled off the list that Dr. Marcus had driven into my head my whole life. She stepped back, looked me up and down like she was seeing me for the first time. “You do realize I would probably lose my job, get kicked out of school at the very least, and possibly be arrested don’t you?” “It doesn’t have to be that way. All I need is your access information and little guidance to find what I need. You don’t even have to come with me. We could make it look like I attacked you and stole your I.D.” “Adam, I don’t know. I mean, you take off like your tail was on fire, didn’t call, didn’t tell me anything and now you’re asking me to do this? Kind of a lot, don’t you think?” “It is, I know it is. But if I had any other options, I wouldn’t be here. You’re the only one that can help me,” I held my breath for a moment, debating the truth of the rest of my thought before letting it go, “And the only one I trust.” Her mouth didn’t change but her eyes couldn’t hide a quick smile. “Alright but first you tell. Then I’ll decide if it’s worth helping you.” “Fair enough but can I tell you while we drive?” After getting in the truck, I told her everything. From my earliest memories of the lab and Dr. Marcus up to my introduction to General Brayton, she said nothing but I could feel her anxiety increasing like static electricity in the air. I looked away from the road to see her face.

Her eyes were the size of baseballs and her skin was pale and drained. I couldn’t tell if she was afraid or concerned until she spoke. “Adam…” she said and took a long breath, “…I’m sure that whatever you experienced growing up must have been horrible but what you just told me…There a people, doctors, that can help you work through this, help you remember what actually happened.” Of all the reactions I was expecting, this was not one of them. What I had been most afraid of was telling her about the Source Guardians and that she would think I was crazy when I introduced the subject of inter-dimensional soldiers. I hadn’t even considered my life up to that point as unbelievable. I started to laugh, not at her but at myself for not recognizing how ridiculous everything about me actually was. “I’m sorry,” I said, trying to control the laughter and knowing it was only making me look even crazier than she already thought I was. “It’s okay. I understand and I hope you understand that I just want to find you some help. Maybe we should go to the hospital instead of my lab…” “No,” I got control of my laughter and stopped the truck. “No, that won’t do me any good. I’m not crazy but I almost wish that I was. It would make things a hell of a lot simpler than they are.” I turned in my seat to fully face her and stretched out my zero-matter arm. She recoiled, looking more scared than anything else. It was like a hammer blow to my chest. “Laura, please, trust me but you can go if you want. I understand.” I clicked the control behind me to unlock her door. She looked at the popped lock and back to me warily but the urgency on her face was diminished. “Let me prove to you that I’m not crazy, that everything I told you is true.”

She gulped hard and nodded. “Good,” I said and pulled my arm free of the jacket. “Start at the shoulder and work your way down.” Her hand inched forward warily until it came to a rest on the tape pinning the top of the thick rubber sleeve to my body. “Squeeze hard and you’ll feel my arm.” I felt the dim pressure of her delicate fingers through the thick material. Her face remained tensed and anxious as she moved down towards my elbow. About an inch above where I’d shed the coarse matter, I winced. She stopped instantly. “No, keep going,” I said. “You need to keep going. Just below my elbow is my real body. You need to feel it to believe me.” She moved her hand down past the joint but paused before putting any real pressure on the rubber like sleeve. “Go ahead. You won’t hurt me. Please…” Her fingers started moving, pressing the material down and as it kept compressing, her hand started shaking. She reached out with her other hand, touched the tips of her thumbs and fingers together and squeezed again. The sleeve collapsed like there was nothing inside of it. Frantically, she grabbed and squeezed every inch of material from my elbow down to my hand. Every spot gave the same results. The rubbery material compressed like a half empty balloon at all points. She was so enraptured with the mystery of how my arm could stay extended, how my fingers could flex while she completely closed off what should have been my wrist that she didn’t notice the sweat on my face for several minutes. “Oh my…” she said, finally letting go and sitting back.

“I know.” I reached out and touched her hand. At first she recoiled from the glove but fought the impulse and let me squeeze her fingers to prove that my fingers were inside the gray material. “How is that possible?” she asked when I took back my hand. “I don’t know but do you believe me now? Will you help me?” “Yes, I believe you. I’m sorry I didn’t at first. It’s just…” “Don’t worry about it. I probably wouldn’t believe it either.” My hand was resting on my lap. Her fingers brushed my leg when she picked it up with both of hers and held it tight. “It’s so strange, I mean different…I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.” “Don’t worry about it. I don’t know how to describe it either.” I said. “How did this happen to you?” she asked. “I don’t know anymore. All my life Dr. Marcus told me that there was an accident in the nuclear plant my parents worked at. Everybody checked out fine after and nobody suspected any problems. I was conceived just a few weeks after that. My mother died a few months into the pregnancy and my father a week after that. I was raised in an incubator while they tried to figure out what happened. Dr. Marcus said that I was radioactive, that the accident had caused alterations to the matter in my parents’ bodies and that’s why I was raised in containment. Everything I can do is because of the fundamental changes to the matter I’m made of. He called it zero-matter because there’s no charge and no mass to it. It’s like I’m made of energy, he said, that pretends its matter. The zero-matter atoms and molecules work like templates, holding places for the real thing but I don’t know if that’s right or not anymore.” “Why?”

“This is where things get really crazy,” I said and took a deep breath to prepare her for the idea of the Source Guardians. I took her through the events of my last day in General Brayton’s bunker, my week on the run and how I ended up at the Bakers’ barn. I finished with what had happened that morning and why one of my arms was covered in rubber, twine and duct tape. Her reaction was not what I was expecting. “How long ago did you call Dad?” she asked while searching her purse for her phone. “What? Um, probably ten hours ago.” “Ten hours?!” she shouted. “I can’t believe you! They could be under attack by your guards or arrested by the army for helping you and you haven’t checked on them!” She found her phone and cursed. “I forgot to turn it on after my class! It’s been off all day!” She pressed the button and whispered meanly at the phone to hurry up and turn on. “I’m sorry,” I said meekly. “When I called, they said they were away from the Bakers. Ruth was fine, the babies were fine, everybody was okay.” “Are you kidding me?!” she snapped as she hit a button and held the phone to her ear. “How could you do this to them? How could you just take off without telling them?!” “There wasn’t time and do you think they would’ve understood or believed me?” “You’re glowing arm probably would’ve helped convince them!” She was bright red, shaking in anger and fear as the phone rang. I held my breath, feeling my heart beat in my throat and the throbbing in my arm. I started to feel the magnitude of her fear as the seconds ticked by with no answer. To my great relief, I heard a muffled “hello” from her phone.

“Dad?! Is everyone okay?” “Yes, yes we’re all fine but Adam’s gone. He, uh…I don’t know how to say this but he’s…” “I know. I just found out.” I threw up my hands and let out an exasperated sigh. I wanted to disappear, leave Red Water safe behind me. Laura saw my reaction and shot me a dirty look but continued to hold the phone away from her ear so I could hear the other side of the conversation. “Really? Is he there with you now?!” “No, he’s not here but he called, told me what happened and not to worry. He wanted me to call and make sure you were all safe, that nothing strange had happened.” “The only strange thing that happened was his arm glowing and picking up a live power line. Other than that, nothing out of the ordinary.” Sheriff Dawson’s voice was hard to read. I couldn’t tell if he was speaking sarcastically or if his tone was actually admiring. Whatever it was, it wasn’t really important. I motioned for Laura to end the call. She rolled her eyes at me. “Good, I’m glad everything’s okay.” “Well, we’re definitely fine but you need to be careful. I don’t know how he did what he did, but I do know he was scared to death of whatever he’s running from and that makes him dangerous. Keep your distance.” I felt like Sheriff Dawson had kicked me in the gut with a steel toed boot. My mouth went dry and my skin felt clammy all over. Part of me wanted to scream that it wasn’t me, it was the people after me that were dangerous but the greater, wiser portion of me knew it didn’t matter. If the army or Source Guardians showed up in Red Water, it might as well be me kicking

down the doors and ruining lives. Despite myself, I felt my eyes get watery. Laura, unexpected and compassionately, placed a hand on my leg. “Don’t worry, Dad. I don’t think we’ll see him again but I think you’re wrong about him. He might be stuck in a bad situation but he’s not bad himself. He did save your life if what he told me was true. Didn’t he?” Sheriff Dawson let out a deep breath audible over the phone. “Good or bad, he’s in trouble and it looks like its catching up with him. Just be careful. ” “I will and give my love to the Ruth and the twins.” He said he would and ended the call. The compassion from moments earlier was gone when she turned to face me. “You got really lucky, buddy,” she said. “If anything happens to them, I will track you down and pin you to the wall. Do you understand?” “I do and I don’t blame you. I’m sorry about all this. I never meant to end up in Red Water. I never meant for anybody to get involved with this, with me. It was all an accident.” “Fine, that’s fine. You can’t change what’s happened and if what you told me is true, there wouldn’t be any problems if you hadn’t…” she gestured to my left arm, “…done whatever it is you did to save my parents’ lives. But, before I help you at all, I need to know what you plan on doing now.” She crossed her arms over her chest, raised one eyebrow and leaned back against the door. “I’ve only got one option. I’ll get whatever I need out of your lab and you’ll never see me again. I’ll find someplace in the middle of nowhere to put my arm together again and that’ll be that.”

“What about the guards?” “Source Guardians?” “Whatever. Yeah, them.” “If they show up while I’m doing it, I’m toast. But if not, I’ll make sure I’m far enough away from anyone that all they’ll find will be a set of tire tracks leading to a big city I can disappear into.” Behind the anger, for just a glimmer of a second, I thought I saw some sadness in her eyes. It was gone when she spoke. “I hope that works.” She pulled her ID cylinder out of her purse and handed it to me. “Your best bet is the storage room in the second basement. You’ll need this and then the key code is fifty-two twenty-eight. You should be able to find everything you need down there. It’ll be awhile before anyone notices anything’s missing, especially with the semester ending.” In fluid motion, she opened her door, slipped out of the truck and walked away briskly. I was so surprised by how quickly she moved, I barely made it out of my door before she reached the corner of the building. “Laura, wait!” I called after her. She quickened her pace and disappeared around the corner. I ran after her. When I came around the edge of the building, I felt like I’d run into a brick wall. Laura was staring at me, wide eyed and terrified, with her hands behind her head and kneeling on the ground. A dark gun was pointed at her skull, held by a regretfully familiar soldier. “Hello, Adam,” Sergeant Tanner said through a broad smile. “Cooperate so this pretty girl doesn’t get hurt.”