Whose Kid Is It Anyway

Whose Kid Is It Anyway

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Whose Kid Is It Anyway, was conceived from years of parenting, coaching, relationships with other parents and coaches, and my observation of attitudes and behaviors during and after a youth sporting event. I don’t consider myself an expert on youth sports or behavior patterns, but observation and experience has been a great motivator and has taught me that parents can either be a positive force in the success of their young athlete or a huge detriment to what they’re capable of achieving. I believe parents can and should be that positive force a young athlete needs to succeed in their chosen sport because young athletes, between the ages of 5 and 12, perform primarily for their parents and not for their coach. Young athletes would rather hear “great job” from their mom and dad than from their coach, unless of course their coach is also their parent. Most parents, in my humble opinion, don’t really understand how important their words of encourage are to their child, those words can turn their normally mild mannered child into a beast, so to speak. Unfortunately, more and more parents are turning over the reins of encouragement and motivation to trainers, tutors, coaches and instructors. Although coaches and instructors can be valuable assets in the life of a young athlete, in regards to teaching them the essentials the ever so important fundamentals of the sport, but it’s the parents or parent who ignites the vision and passion needed to inspire self-motivation, the best kind of motivation in my opinion.

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Coaching a player who is self-motivated, who wants to get better, who wants to be the best they can possible be is an awesome luxury for a coach it allows you to be creative more open minded about what this kid can actually accomplish despite their age. You’re willing to bend over backwards for a player or players like that, it’s easy, because the self-motivated player improves quicker in every aspect of the game they work harder, they spend more time developing their skills and/or game and they do this extra work on their own, without a coach or an instructor and that’s the key to rapid growth. Parents, by their words and their actions can instill in a kid an attitude, which will promote high achievement and accomplishment the will that encourages more than just mediocrity. From my experience, the parent not the coach has the greatest impact on the young athlete parents often supply the one attribute that all athletes need the “mental” approach to the game. The “I can” approach, the idea that they can play well, they can be affective, they can get better and they have the right to be on the same field or court with everyone else, parents can foster this attitude within their kid without spending a dime, but by just spending some time.

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Its been said, by some people involved in the youth sports programs, that the only thing wrong with youth sports are the “parents”. To that point, usually when attending a youth sporting event, the parents seem to be more out of control than their kid whenever there’s an incident it typically starts in the stands, with the parents or other adults. We often hear of parents, or other adult family members, in the stands or in the parking lot fist fighting, going to blows over a fourth grade girl’s soccer game or a pee-wee football game, that’s astonishing to me. It’s almost comical but on the contrary, it’s not funny at all, violence and mayhem at a fourth grade girl’s soccer game is beyond ridiculous it’s down right idiotic. We’ve all heard some of the stories, a coach beats-up another coach and sends him to the hospital, a parent assaults a referrer in the parking lot after a game because of a so called “bad call” and a father attacks another father at the end of a pee-wee football or basketball game. Unfortunately, in many cases, if a kid sees this kind of behavior from their parents before or after a game, the kid will follow their parent’s lead primarily on the court or field. Once a child sees and hears his or her parents fighting or yelling derogator remarks at the top of their lungs at the opposing team, referees and other parents that’s the type of behavior the parent and coach can expect from the child. Of course, this is not true for all children who have parents that can’t control themselves, but it does seem to be the norm.

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As a parent, I understand how important it is for us to see our children performing well and to winning, there’s nothing wrong with wanting your child to shine in anything they participate in. It’s only when, as parents, we can’t accept the not performing well and the not winning when you see the ugly side of parents whose kid is involved in youth sport that’s the only time you wish parents weren’t involved and they had stayed home. It’s almost unbelievable when you hear a parent humiliating their kid in front of a gym full of people after they have loss or have “performed poorly”, at least in the mind of their parents. It’s even more mind-boggling to see a parent physically abuse their child due to a loss a missed shot, a dropped ball or whatever triggers the unacceptable abuse and lets make this very clear, there is absolutely no reason for any type of verbal or physical abuse to a child after something as trivial as a youth sporting event. There is simply no excuse and no room in youth sports for any form of mistreatment to a child because of what you, as a parent, thought they should have done during the game or how they should have performed based on your “own expectations”. Any youth sporting event regardless if it is AAU or recreational is still a meaningless game, win or lose, if the child performs well or not it doesn’t matter and it should never ever result in abuse!

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Parents often complain about the coaches and the referrers, but not many of them are willing to become referrers or volunteer their time to coach a team, especially a team their kid is not a part of. Parents have very high expectation for coaches, referrers and the programs their kid is a part of they expect everything from making their child a better player to creating a fun and exciting atmosphere; but many parents aren’t willing to get involve with the process of creating or developing that atmosphere. How, by cheering in the stands instead of complaining, by getting along with other parents even the parents of the other team. By leaving the referrers alone, by encouraging team instead of promoting selfishness and individualism there are plenty of things parents can do. It is easy to blame a coach or the program for the poor performance displayed by the team or your kid and many parents do, they blame everyone but never assumes any of the responsibility. Very few parents actually take the time to help their kid become a better player and/or teammate they don’t even take the time to find out if the kid really wants to participate in the sport they’re playing. Yet, those parents who do spend the time helping their kid can quickly see if their child really wants to play and if they have the skills and attitude needed to become a better player in their chosen sport. Getting involved in your child’s sport and not simply the sport itself, but the program and/or the club, understanding what has to be done and the time it takes. I believe this will help parents appreciate what a challenge it is to facilitate parents, players, practices, games and the rest of the pieces necessary to develop a good youth program and to help “your” kid become a better player.

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It is extremely difficult to build a program that produces players who can go from the “little league” arena to a high school setting without missing a beat and many parents expect youth programs to be able to do just that, but without their support. There are not many programs or coaches out there, at the youth level, that can make a child’s transitions from youth sports to high school sports effortless without the support of the parents, but those coaches and programs that can make the youth athlete’s transition from “little league” to high school effortless, have complete cooperation from the parents. Without fail, from my experience, those parents who support the youth program and try to make the program stronger and better and not just their kid, those parents and their kid have an easier time moving from the “little leagues” to high school. With this in mind, there are many things that parents can do to help an average program move forward and become an exceptional program, other than coaching. Although it seems that coaching is the most important part of the youth program, it is just a small piece of what needs to be done to keep the youth athlete encouraged and excited about participating in sports at the high school level and beyond. Find out how you, as a parent can get involved to keep the youth programs strong and to, maybe, gain a little bit of appreciation for those who work with your kid for countless hours throughout the year, largely for free.

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As a coach I’ve had the pleasure of seeing kids grow from game to game and season to season, and as they get better at their sport of choice they move from the youth recreational level, to the youth competitive level, and eventually to the high school level. At the recreational level kids come to a team, or are assigned to a team and many of these kids have never played organized sports ever, and the majority of them have no clue about the sport they’ve chosen or that was chosen for them. They’ve only seen it played on television or mom and dad suggested to them that they should play so the kid, along with the help of their parents, decided to give it a try and that’s great. Coaches at the recreational level get kids who are full of energy and ready to play, but not really ready to listen, many of them believe they already know how to play the game and convincing them otherwise is a difficult and funny task, sometimes. Sadly, some parents or deciding to by pass the recreational level and are spending a lot of money sending their kid to specialized trainers or programs to jump start their child’s athletic “career” in an attempt to move them directly into the competitive level. The competitive level is a totally different ball game no pun intended, there are traveling fees, coach’s fees and/or club fees, club fees should only apply if your child plays on a club or select team, of course. There are competitive programs available where coaches don’t get paid and the teams may or may not travel to other states, obviously there is travel within the state and there is some cost associated with that as you might have expected some of those expenses tournament fees, gas, food, etc., and lodging in some cases.

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At the competitive level these kids know how to really play the sport they have chosen they have plenty of talent, plenty of skills and they expect their coaches to help them improve those skills and their parents expect the same. These kids expects their coach to strengthen their fundamentals, teach them new moves, techniques, plays and strategies and in most cases I agree with them, as a coach of a competitive team you should have a higher degree of knowledge about the sport you are coaching. You should be able to increase the athlete’s knowledge of the game, as well as there skill level. Parents spend lots of money with the expectation that their child will be able to smoothly move into high school athletics, realistic or not.

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At the high school level, on occasion, you have kids who have never played youth sports, which is sometimes unfortunate for them because they are usually way behind and hardly if ever, get a chance to play, unless they have some ability and talent. A good thing for parents to keep in mind is some kids who have never participated in youth sports can still turn out to be phenomenal high school player. Don’t get so worked up about your child playing or not playing sports before high school, participating in youth sports does have its advantages for some kids, but it doesn’t guarantee success at the high school level. For that matter, neither does paying lots of money and sending your kid to a specialist for lessons or training for a chosen sport. To often parents want to make sure if there’s a train headed for a division one college or the professional ranks their kid is on it, so every waking moment their kid is training, practicing, or playing, wow. The youth sports participant or youth athlete is typically between the ages of seven and thirteen, these kids aren’t getting paid there is nothing monetarily coming to them, they get nothing and all the training in the world at ten years of age guarantees them nothing beyond the youth sports experience.

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Despite all of the training that many parents put their kids through the odds are still against them and more times than not the kid gets the short end of the deal, because mom and dad and even the coaches are using the kid to somehow build their own selfimage and/or self-esteem. Parents will tell you they are just trying to give their child a head start an opportunity to get a scholarship to a private high school or to a top ranked college after high school and this may be the intention for many parents and I hope it is the case, for the child’s sake. Nevertheless, parents and coaches due to their own selfinterest and selfishness sometimes exploit and/or abuse the kid in their endeavor to produce a “star”, I don’t use those terms, exploit and abuse, loosely either, because they are serious accusation. However, we have all heard of incidents where a parent, a coach or another adult seriously injuries a child or burns them out due to over training or excessive playing or practicing in their quest to “give the child a running start”.

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It is your responsibility as a parent to protect your child, but to often the parents are the problem or the threat to their own child’s well being if you believe you are one of these parents this book just might help you. By taking an honest look at your attitude about youth sports, your expectation for your kid and your behavior when they don’t meet “your expectations” it will help you in determining if you are helping or hurting your kid’s youth sports experience. I believe no parent wants to verbally or physically hurt his or her child over something as insignificant as a youth sporting event so, parents have to appreciate that there are no ten-year-old superstars, the NHL, WNBA or the PGA will not offer a ten year old a multimillion-dollar contract, well they haven’t of late. It is true that kids are becoming professionals at younger ages, but not under the age of thirteen at least not to my knowledge. For the sake of argument kids who play a contact sport will never see the professional ranks until they are at least eighteen I’m glad to see that the NFL is not attempting to draft players right out of high school, in my opinion that would be disastrous for the kid and the league. The point is this, try to enjoy the time you have with your kid as a youth athlete enjoy the inexperience of their play take pleasure in the fact that you get to see them grow and learn. Let your child be a kid let them make mistakes without your wrath coming down on them for what you feel is less than their best. You shouldn’t think of your kid as your ticket to more money, a bigger house or a new car their participation in youth sports should be used for their growth and their maturity. The odds are against your kid of ever making millions in the world of professional sports and that’s a fact. Your Child’s Coach

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The issue of who coaches your child is probably the one aspect of this book I think parents should pay the closest attention to because the effect that a coach can have on your child can be long term, good or bad. As parents you have to be deeply concern, better yet very cautious of who coaches your kid as they go through the different levels of youth sports, recreational and competitive, regardless if you are spending hundreds of dollars a month or a small participation fee parents need to remain vigilant. There are a lot of good coaches coaching youth sports and I believe there are far more good coaches than bad coaches, however, because parents are expecting more from the youth coach and demanding that they are experts of the sport and they make “NO” mistakes, less and less people are willing to volunteer to coach. These days youth sports coaches are expected to turn kids into a fine tuned machine parents don’t want the dad and mom volunteers anymore, at least it seems like that’s the unfortunate direction the youth sports programs are headed. The idea of fun first and the opportunity for kids to be kids and to grow and learn as they play, and dad coaching the kid and a bunch of his kid’s friends is becoming a thing of the past.

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Many of the coaches, at the recreational level, are volunteer moms, dads, aunts and uncles these people give up a lot of their time to do something they may or may not really enjoy. Not all who volunteer have the experience in coaching, or even playing the game they’ve decided to coach in some incidents they don’t necessarily want to coach, but because they care for the kids involved and realize many would miss out on the opportunity to participate, these people step up to the plate. To all of those individuals who volunteer to spend countless hours at practices and games, my hat is off to you and you are greatly appreciated by me and many other parents. The individuals who volunteer keep the youth sports programs operating they make the programs worthwhile and enjoyable for everyone involved. Despite the well-meant intentions of these volunteers there are others whose intentions aren’t so commendable, which makes it very important that as a parent you are attentive, that you be present at as many practices and games as you can. Regardless of the level your kid plays you should never just drop your kid off at a practice and use the coach and the program as a babysitter or a kids practice as a time for you to take care of your personal business. Unfortunately, too many parents get into this habit and it’s a natural responds to begin to trust your kid’s coach, especially when the coach seems to be doing and saying all the right things. At this point I have to reiterate, I believe there are far more good coaches than bad coaches in youth sports, but we all know detrimental issues can arise and it doesn’t matter if the coach is a paid professional or a volunteer. It makes no different if your kid plays on a recreational team, club ball or is part of a select team the threat of an inappropriate act by a coach on your kid is still very real.

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The majority of youth sports programs ask that all current and potential coaches go through a screening process and background checks, which is absolutely vital for the safety of the children. Sadly, some programs don’t ask for background checks, however, even with a background check seedy characters can still slip through the cracks of the process, which makes it critical for you as a parent to pay special attention to who is coaching your kid, even if the background check comes back clean. I believe it is absolutely expectable and justified for a parent to ask the program director or the person facilitating the background check about the information obtained from the background check of a potential coach. However, I don’t think the parents have right to obtain a copy of the background check, but to ask if there is something on the report that they should be aware of, absolutely. It is difficult for me to talk about this topic because as a coach I want parents to trust me with their kid I want them to be comfortable enough, with me, to just drop their child off at practice or a game without fear of any type foul play.

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Regrettably, I know there are coaches who want to take advantage of you and your kid and you have to be on guard for that at all times and you should teach your child how to recognize the does and don’ts of a coach. Be visible, walk up and talk to the coach, if he are she is not approachable you might want to reconsider that team or that person as your child’s coach. I realize not everyone is a social butterfly, but a coach has to be able to relate and/or communicate to the parents in some fashion, I mean whose kid is it anyway. To me it is, without a doubt, reasonable that as a parent you want to know something about the person coaching your kid. Coaches have to be willing to answer questions about themselves, of course no parent has the right to dig into a coach’s personal life, but some basic questions should be answered. Questions such as what do you do for a living everyone talks about where they work, do you have any children playing on the team, are you married, how long have you been coaching at this level, hey, these are simple questions that shouldn’t be a problem for any coach to answer. If your child’s coach has a problem having a simple conversation with you that should be a red flag, there is no reason for a youth coach to be that evasive about a few simple questions regardless of how introverted they my be. If you are polite, respectful and courteous, and have approached the coach at an appropriate time, before or after practice, there should be no reason for the coach refusing to speak with you.

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It doesn’t matter if your kid’s coach is getting paid or just volunteering you have the right and the responsibility to survey them you, as a parent you must present a protective hedge, a visible protective hedge, around your child. In most cases you won’t even have to have a conversation with your kid’s coach just being present says a mouth full, and will allow you to see what kind of a coach and person they are. I am not knocking coaches I’m a coach and have been for sometime, but what I’m attempting to do is to help you protect your child. Protecting your child should be your number one priority and if your child’s coach is not familiar to you or even if they’ve been your child’s coach for years these suggestion may help you, because protection of your kid is paramount. o Form an alliance with the other parents. o Be at every practice you can. o Don’t have the coach pick your child up for practice or take your child home from practice. o Pay attention to how the coach and your child interact. o Ask your child how he or she likes the coach. o Ask lots of questions about practice, what was said and done. o Attend all of the games. These are just a few suggestions on how you can protect your child and if you give it some thought I’m sure you will be able to come up with some ideas of your own.

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A lot of parents come to the conclusion that it’s easier to just coach their kid’s team and doing so can turn out to be an amazing experience. Coaching your own kid is a great way to build a strong parent child relationship the bonding that goes on between a kid and their parent during this time is priceless. You can learn so much about your child and in turn they learn much about you as well, qualities that otherwise may not have been revealed to either of you ring clear through this experience. Of course, there are those who think it’s not a good idea for a parent to coach their kid, or rather coach the team their kid is a part of. I see no problem with it, as long as the parent coaching can be an objective coach. The objectivity of the parent is usually what is in question, that’s the problem most people have with a parent coaching a team the parent’s inability to recognize the team is not about their kid only but about the entire team, that’s the real issue. When the parent-coach is able to do this, stay objective; the experience for them especially if they have never coached before, can be remarkable a great time of learning for them, the kid, and the team.

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Conversely, there are those occasions when parents, while coaching, ruin the entire youth sports experience for their kid, the other kids, the parents and themselves. Ruining the experience can happen in several ways, but for me, here are the most common ways a parent, as the coach, can ruin the experience. First, the parent tries too hard not to show favoritism toward his or her child and often in the parent’s pursuit to not show favoritism toward their kid, the parent is too relentless on their child, over board you might say. For example, the parent corrects their kid on every single occasion not allowing any room for error and insisting that their kid do extra drills and demanding that he or she does them perfectly. Of course, this type of behavior or coaching style is not necessary and in most cases can damage the parent child relationship, and takes away from the total team concept. The second most common way that a parent, as the coach, can ruin the experience for their kid is by showing favoritism toward their child. In this situation the parent allows their kid to do whatever they want and whenever they want. The parent allows the kid to float through the drills and conditioning with little or no effort, but is irate when the other players attempt to do so. The coach’s kid may not have to participate in some of the drills during practice, but will still be one of the starters for the next game and/or play more than the other players, who participated in the entire practice.

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Finally, the parent expects too much from their child. The parent expects their kid to know all the plays, make no mistakes and carry the team to victory. They unrealistically expect their kid to win the game for the rest of the team because they’re the coach and that’s their kid. The kid should know what he, the parent, is thinking and be able to share that with their teammates, a coach on the floor as it were. These types of behaviors as the coach of your child’s team can wreck your relationship with your child and destroy the experience of youth sports for both of you, and the other members of the team. However, if you, the parent, do decide that you want to coach your kid’s team here are a few things that you should consider to protect yourself from any misunderstandings or accusations. o Insist that parents are at practice with their child. o If they have to leave during practice insist that they are there when practice ends. o Never volunteer to pick players up for practice or take them home from practice. o Never volunteer to pick players up for games or take them home from games. o Allow parents to ask questions before or after practice. o Make sure they have your phone number. This is just a list of suggestions, however, these are to protect you, the parent, when taking on the task of coaching your kid’s team. And it’s defiantly possible that if you sat down and thought about it you could come up with many other suggestions to protect yourself as well.

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This book is not the say all and do all for parents who have kids participating in youth sports, neither is it a guide to help parents produce a ten-year-old “super star”. The book is intended to help parents help their kid find fun and growth in youth sports, to help parents protect their children from unwarranted advances from adults in the youth programs and to remind parents that they are the secret to their kid’s success. The points presented in this book, I feel, are necessary for helping you enjoy your kid’s involvement in youth sports, and by no means am I saying this book is the only way to approach the years your child will spend at the little league or youth sports level. What I deem the book to be is an instrument for parents to use, so they and their child can have the very best youth experience possible in youth sports. Youth sports is a great time for kids and their parents, these years will be gone before you know it, so enjoy them. In the book, Sports Quotations Maxims, Quips, and Pronouncements for Writers and Fans, Second Edition, Spiro Agnew said “I believe that sports, all sports, is one of the few bits of glue that hold our society together, one of the few activities where young people can proceed along traditional avenues, where the desire to win is not only permissible but encouraged.” Unconditional Love

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True love is an unconditional act. It is a deep devotion to an object or in our case a person, your child. Loving them regardless of what they do on the court or field, or better yet, what they don’t do. Your kid above all else is looking for your approval they want you to be proud of them and love them as much as they love you. He or she wants to know that however the game turns out and however they play you will be proud of them and most of all you will still love them once it is all over. Children, from what I have seen, love to perform for their parents, especially when their parents are attentive and encouraging. Unconditional love doesn’t care if the child scores two touchdowns or fumbles five times. It doesn’t care if the child throws the ball away every single time he or she touches it or score points every time the ball is in their hands. Parents should always be on the side of their kid cheering and encouraging them no matter what happens, no matter how offal you might have thought they performed. Parents should always express to their kid that his or her performance in a sporting event has no bearing on the amount of love they have for them. The kids performance in a youth sporting event and your love should never go hand in hand they shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same breath not even on the same planet. Your kid already feels the tension and hostility from the opponent and their fans they are looking to you for comfort, stability, and need I say support. Parents must keep in mind that winning is not the most important thing to the child usually, participating and performing for their friends and family is what’s important to them. What matters the most is that their parents attends the sporting event, cheers them on and continues to love them despite their performance and/or the outcome of the competition.

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Parents spend a lot of money sending their children to instructors who specialize in specific sports and skills, hoping and/or expecting that their kid will emerge as this terrific player and some kids do. Some kid’s skills and knowledge of the game improves greatly and the kid’s ability to do certain things on the court or field will also increase, but so does the “parent’s expectations” for their child. Along with expectations comes disappointment “the failure to satisfy” and that has nothing to do with unconditional love, as far as I’m concerned. We all invest in our children, we teach them, we spend money on them, we show them how and we help them with things, any time spent with your kid is an investment, but expecting a return on your time or your money is not an unconditional investment. Webster defines unconditional as having no conditions or stipulations it is absolute and absolute is without reference to anything else money, specialized instructions or your own self-interest. If all the training and coaching you’ve paid for doesn’t produce the results in your child you were looking for or expecting don’t let that be the determining factor on the degree of love you have for your child. Because there’s one thing I know for sure, no one cares about or loves your kid the way you do and not many will go to bat for them either. You are the Minister of Defense, when it comes to your kids, there will be all kinds of advice offered up on what you should do for your kid, to your kid, about your kid, where to take your kid, where not to send your kid and on and on. The bottom line, you have the final say, out of love and concern for your child you and whomever you trust the most should determine the next steps for you child, I mean whose kid is it anyway! Don’t Be Disruptive

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Every parent believes their kid is the best player on the team they think the team couldn’t function without their child, wrong! When this is a parent’s attitude they tend to make negative comments about the coach and/or other players, and there’s no harder task for a youth coach than to overcome the pessimistic comments made by a parent to their kid about the coach and/or his or her teammates. In youth sports a kid may not hear a word the coach says in the huddle or that is yelled from the bench, but they will always hear the slightest words spoken from their parents. As a coach you’ll look out on the floor or field and you’ll see one of your players pouting or sobbing uncontrollably, so you’ll call a time out because you’re thinking they’ve hurt themselves or something, and when you finally get them to the sideline you find out it was just the kids dad, he yelled out something that completely traumatized your player; and because of dad’s untimely and unwanted command, getting junior to regain his focus is extremely challenging. The negative comments and complains said to a child by their parents during the ride home from practice, the ride from the game, to the game and many times during the game, can really disrupt your child’s ability to fully commit to the team and the coach’s philosophy. Criticizing your child’s coach and/or teammates makes it very difficult for your child to concentrate on what he or she needs to do to be a solid team player. The parent’s attitude toward the team and coach confuses the child, in my opinion; the child may feel “if my parents don’t like the team and/or the coach, than why am I on this team and playing for this coach”. More than anything else your child wants you’re approval they want you, their parent, to be proud of them to approve of the team they’re apart of.

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Your child wants to know without a doubt that you are happy with the choice they’ve made on choosing a team this matters to them more than most parents realize or care to realize. When your child feels like you hate their teammates and coaches, it shows up in their attitude, their practice habits and the way they perform during the games. Your child’s concentration at practice or during the game just isn’t there, because they are to concern about what you’ve said, how you feel and you dissatisfaction with the team and the coaches. Because of your attitude, towards your child’s team and coach they don’t know if they should like the coach or their teammates and if they do will you be mad at them. It may sound silly, but we are talking about kids, kids who need your acceptance and approval it is necessary for their success. Coaches can always tell when parents have talked negatively about them to their players, because the child’s behavior reveals the conversation and the negative comments. Suddenly, the child is questioning the coaches decisions on everything, play calling, player personnel, the amount of playing time that they get as well as, the playing time given to their teammates. The child also does things during the game and in practice that is not part of the team’s system, things that are beyond his or her ability and out of character. This type of behavior becomes disruptive to the team and is unacceptable; it is also unfair to the other team members. Unfortunately, for your kid, a good coach can’t jeopardize the wellbeing of the entire team for one player, which means the coach will have to take the necessary steps to ensure the welfare of the team. These steps may include reducing your child’s playing time, limiting his or her participation in practices and games and if the situation becomes to disruptive, removing the kid from the team. For most coaches the removal of the kid from the team will be the last resort.

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The lessons we learned as children always seem to be the most valuable for us as adults, and the lesson of “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all” is a lesson we need to apply to this situation. The critical remark towards your child’s team and coach makes your child extremely un-coachable, believe it or not. If your child feels that you don’t think the coach knows what they are doing and is not a very good coach your child will be unwilling to listen to any of the coaches instructions. Your child believes that you know what you are talking about and when you say their coach is a loser and a idiot they think, “why should I listen to a loser, why should I, follow the commands of someone who doesn’t know anything”; after all you’ve taught them better than that, right. Players that are not coachable are also incredibly disruptive to the team they send the wrong message and as adults we know what that message is, if he or she doesn’t have to listen to the coach neither do I, which results in complete chaos. Lack of playing time and/or dismissal from the team is usually the necessary steps for uncoachable players. If as a parent you feel the program, the coaches and the players are worthless and your kid is so much better and smarter than everyone else, simply remove them from the program. Find the spot for your kid find the program that you think is capable of producing what you want to see from your kid, do some research find the best fit for your kids talent. I mean whose kid is it anyway!

Show Respect

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Don’t reprimand your child during are after a game because you thought they could or should have done better, especially in front of their teammates. Embarrassing your kid in front of their teammates and other people in the gym is a crushing blow to your child’s self confidence, ego and self respect especially coming from you, mom or dad. Yelling and screaming at them won’t accomplish anything it will only push them further away from the sport and damage your relationship with them. Putting them down and calling them names will wound your kid deeply if they had a bad game or didn’t play well they know it. Respect them enough to give them some space after a hard game let them know, by not saying anything in most cases, you understand how they feel. A hard game to them is like a hard days work for you, when you get home you want a little peace and quite you don’t want to hear a lot of criticism, you want a little bit of reverence from the ones you love and that’s what they need as well. Respect their hard work, their effort and commitment just as you would want them and others to do for you when you’ve worked hard, but things didn’t turn out the way you planned. Give your child the right to talk about the game or not talk about game, advice and correction is something they don’t need right after a tough lose allow them to come to you allow let them initiate the conversation.

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Respect the parents and other adults of the apposing team, as well as those who are a part of your kid’s team! Not respecting other parents and adults is probably the biggest problem in youth sports today, in my opinion. Don’t talk negatively about other players on your child’s team while sitting in the stand, next to those kid’s parents, who do you think you are. No parent likes hearing unenthusiastic words about their child even if the comments might be true. Keep your comments about someone else’s kid to yourself, remember it’s unproductive to make those types of comments those remarks causes your child to disrespect their teammates, as well. Respect should be given to the referees, the other players, the other parents and the other teams coach don’t call them names and/or taunt them they’re all doing their best and hoping for the best just as you are. If you can referee or coach better than the individuals participating in the sporting event you should volunteer your time because the children could use your help, since you’re that good! Parents seem to like discussing the outcome of games with their child’s coach, especially if the team lost and their child didn’t get the amount of playing time they assumed he or she should have been given. And most coaches don’t have a problem with discussing playing time and a lost, but most won’t want to immediately after the game. Losing is hard for coaches to, they take them personal, sometime, and they are angry and/or very disappointed afterwards just as you are, so it is wise to follow the 24 hour rule that most coaches have in place. The rule is simple, wait 24 hours before you approach your kid’s coach about any concerns or disputes you may have. By respecting this simple request you give yourself and the coach an opportunity to calm down, a chance for both of you to get your emotions under control.

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Nothing gets accomplished when no one is listening and believes me neither side is listening when there is too much emotion involved. It is also a poor example for the kids, as adults we tell our kids to behave and show some discipline, while we rant and rave out of control over a fourth grade sporting event. If you are having that much heartburn from your kids team and coach you probably should find another team the heartburns not worth it.

Be Honest with Your Child It is of great benefit to your child when you, their parent, are absolutely honest with him or her about their ability to compete, at whichever level they decide to play. Although they are still children and their full abilities and/or potential has not yet materialized it is important that they are playing at a level, which will challenge them the most. In some cases they may need to play at a higher level their skills may be such that they are ready to play with seventh graders as a sixth grader. You need to be the judge of that and if you’re not sure ask the coach or someone whose judgment you respect. It does your child a disservice if he or she is playing at a level that is not testing them and pushing them to become better player. Conversely, it does them no good to be playing at a level that is too competitive for them, doing this causes them to questions their ability and destroys their self-confidence, not is all cases. As everyone knows confidence and belief in ones own ability is one of the main ingredients in succeeding in sports and in life.

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If your child wants to become a professional tennis player but their ability, at the present time, indicates it’s unlikely or that it will be a very difficult task, tell them so. Of course, you should never purposely crush your child’s dream, but help them to be realistic about their abilities and their goals. I have never met a child who plays sports who didn’t want to become a professional athlete, for some children that is a realistic goal but for others it is not pragmatic. However, parents need to inform their children that the odds of becoming a professional athlete, in any sport, are against them even if they are very talented. As a parent you must also make it clear that even with talent injury is always a possibility and depending on the seriousness of the injury they may never play sports again at any level. More and more parents are doing all they can to bring out the athletic prowess of their kid sending them to specialized camps, classes, schools and enrolling them in skill specific programs. This trend toward specialized training has allowed kids to get better faster, and unfortunately has also opened the door for burnout and injuries. Injuries that may not have occurred until later in their sports life, but because parents want quick results and want their kids to have a “head start” they have concede to injuries and the possibility of burnout. “Well I’m just trying to help my kid get into a good high school and/or college”, that’s the on going theme from parents who have taken this course with and my question for parents is, are you really? Are you really trying to increase the opportunities for you child or are you just attempting to full feel something within yourself through your child and only the parent can answer that, honestly.

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Your honesty as a parent will keep your kid from chasing unrealistic goals and protect them from unnecessary grief and injury. Make sure they understand not everyone will be able to continue on in sports, even into high school, help them realize there is more to live than sports, man I can’t believe I said that especially as much as I enjoy sports, wow! Explain to your kid that their character is more important than how many wins they produce and integrity does count for something. In the book, Sports Quotations Maxims, Quips, and Pronouncements for Writers and Fans, Second Edition, tennis player, Arthur Ashe said, “I strongly believe the black culture expends too much time, energy and effort raising, praising and teasing our black children about the dubious glories of professional sports. Your son has less than one in 1,000 of becoming a pro. Would you bet your son’s future on something with odds of 99-to-1 against you? I wouldn’t.” Playing at The Right Level It’s critical that you and your kid choose the right level of play. What’s the right level? That depends on your child’s commitment, ability and the amount of time you as a parent is willing to commit to. Yes, the amount of commitment you the parent are willing to put in. Why you, because you will have to make sure your child is at practice at the game and any other function the coach and/or team wants to participate in. You will need to make sure your child is on time in the proper gear at the right field or gym in the right uniform, oh yea, your responsibilities will increase just as theirs will. Determining your level of commitment will be very important in determining what level of play your kid will participate in.

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Lets start with the recreational level this level, in most cases, is moderate to low as far as ability goes, this level is really meant to be fun and extra curricular in its literal form. The commitment and the amount of time required are also moderate to low, of course no coach wants you to miss practice, but it is more expectable at this level. The recreational level is just that, recreation; it gives your kid something constructive to do in his or her spare time, but it can also be used as a measuring stick in deciding which level should be next. The recreation level is also for children who just want to play, who really can care less if they win or lose they just want to play some sports and hang out with their friends. One thing to note at the recreational level, all players should play an equal amount of time, coach, that means even the kids you don’t think are very good. If you and your kid feel they are ready for something more advanced something more challenging choose a competitive league. Competitive leagues will require more time on your part and your child’s skill level will need to be moderate to high. He or she will need to have a good grasp of the game they choose to play, as well as the basic fundamentals. As was mentioned in the pervious topic, your honesty about your child’s ability really matters at this point. Competitive sports mean that winning and losing is important, and your child has to be able to assist the team in winning or their playing time will be limited. In order for your child to compete at this level it’s very important that your kid is at practice and is commitment to getting better. They’ll need to understand the level of play gets a bit more serious as they move up the “level ladder”, so to speak.

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Parents need to keep in mind at the competitive level there is no requirement and/or rule that says, “your child has to play a certain amount of time during the game”. Your kid’s playing time, the amount of playing time, is completely up to the discretion of their coach. This is important to remember, because many times parents will place their kid on a competitive team and the kid’s ability is not up to par and the parents are upset because their child isn’t playing as much as they would like them to. Even if your kid doesn’t get the amount of playing time they and/or you would like, both of you should still remain committed to the team, practices, and games quitting is not the answer, or is it. One thing that may help your kid get more playing time is to ask the coach what does your child need to work on, what can they improve most coaches will talk with you about this.

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Consider this, some competitive teams are more competitive than others and depending on your child’s ability they may be better suited for one of the lesser competitive teams. He or she may be talented and very good at their particular sport but just not good enough, yet, to play with the team they first choose. Look around and make sure your kid is on the team that will best fit their abilities. This can be tricky, I’ve had boys on my football teams who were a lot bigger than any of the other boys and by their appearance alone it looked as if the kid was going to be a monster, as if he was going to be able to dominate but just the opposite was true. He turned out to be one of the nicest kids you could ever coach but he wasn’t going to bust a grape he, at this particular time of his life, was not a football player. Your child’s size may or may not be the determining factor on which level they should play. Their knowledge of the game, their mobility, their aggressiveness, their attitude and their ability to actually compete should be some of the keys in deciding what is the right level of play. Know the Game To really enjoy the sport your kid is participating in you should know what’s going on. It is defiantly beneficial to you and your child to familiarize yourself with the game, especially if this is the first time you or your kid has participated in a particular sport. You need to know what’s the object of the game and where the player should be positioned on the field or court. It can be frustrating for you if you don’t know what your child should be doing, which way they should be running or what basket they should be shooting in. If your kid receives a pass or takes the ball away from the other team what should they do next?

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Regardless of the sport parents should have some idea of what to expect from their child, their child’s teammates, the other teams players and the sport itself. Parents should understand some of the strategies and tactics that are involved and why the coach may be taken their kid out and put in another player. When parents are familiar with the game they are better equipped to assist their child on how to perform better, to prepare better and most of all how to have more fun. By all means know the rules! To often parents get upset because of a call made by a referee, not understanding that it was the right call. Referees will tell you, parents go crazy over a call they feel was unfair or not right, but nine times out of ten the parents don’t even know the rules. By knowing the game parents will be better equipped to enjoy the game, to know what call should be made and why, thus less stress on them and their kid. One way to help you understand the game better is to become a referee, wait a minute; I know that may seem a bit extreme, but think of the knowledge you would have and could share. Being a referee can be challenging and will defiantly give you a better appreciation of what it takes to referee a youth sporting event, especially with parents like you. It’s not as easy as most referees’ make it seems. Sacrifice

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Sacrifice, the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim. I like that definition, that’s what many parents need to do with their memories of how great they “uses” to be, destroy them. Remember, your time has passed however great you were when you were playing doesn’t matter. It’s not about you anymore your time has past and now it’s about your kid and his or her greatness, or not. When we were young athletes we, parents, all had dreams and aspirations of becoming a professional athlete and some parents achieved professional status, but most of us didn’t. Whichever group you’re in, it really doesn’t make a difference in what your child will or won’t accomplish athletically. Don’t try to recapture your childhood through your kid, never try to live out your athletic dreams through them. When parents do that they push to hard on their kid, parents expect their child to do things that they themselves couldn’t even do. In some cases, parents didn’t have a chance to play sports as a child and now they want to make sure that their child doesn’t miss out, this is a noble gesture but can be costly. Trying to make your child do or be something that you always wanted to be but couldn’t, causes you to disregard your kid’s desires and what they want to accomplish. The child has to want to play they have to want to do it; I know there are many real life stories where parents pushed their child right on into the professionals. But there are also many untold stories about parent who tried to accomplish the same thing, but didn’t and damaged their child and their relationship with their child in the attempt to produce a professional athlete.

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Sacrifice your own dreams for something better, your child’s dreams. Allow your kid to be and to do what he or she wants to do and it may not be sports at all, and that’s ok. Although you want them to be this great athlete this tremendous superstar it may not be what they have in mind for themselves, let them establish their own identity. It’s your child’s turn to shine at whatever they are willing to put forth the effort to achieve and sports may not be in the equation. In the book, Sports Quotations Maxims, Quips, and Pronouncements for Writers and Fans, Second Edition, San Jose State Psychologist, Thomas Tutko said, “How many millions of youngsters are we sacrificing along the way so that 10 players can entertain us in a pro basketball game? I’m concerned with how many good athletes have been scarred by injury or burned out psychologically by the time they were 15 because they were unable to meet the insatiable needs of their parents, their coach, their fans or their own personal obsession; or are rejected and made to feel ashamed because of their limited athletic prowess. We’ll tolerate almost anything in the name of winning-cruelty, insensitivity, drugs, cheating and lying - is it any wonder the sports field is overrun with neurotic behavior?” Show Some Humility

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There is no denying, some kids are better than others. You watch some kids play and you say to your self “that kid is good”. Everyone in the place knows they are good it is apparent that they’re the best player on the field and everyone wants to watch him or her play. As that kid’s parents what do you do, how should you act? I can tell you what you don’t want to do or how you shouldn’t act you don’t walk around telling everyone in the place that that’s your child and how awesome he or she is. Your child came to the game with you, and more than likely, they will probably leave with you point being, people will know that’s your kid and they will recognize what a “great parent” you are. A bit of sarcasm there, I know, hey, it’s a wonderful thing to have talented children and you should be proud of them, there’s no doubt. But not everyone will have kids that are so talented, in fact, you will see more kids than not who aren’t very good at the sport they’ve chosen you’ll ask yourself “why are they out there”? The answer is, they are out there because they want to play they enjoy the game just as much as your kid and has the right to be out there, like everyone else. Show some mercy to those kids, put your pride and arrogance away show a little humility and be “thankful” for the talent your kid has. Boasting and bragging about your kid can come back to haunt you it causes parents and other children to find fault or mistakes made by your kid and that’s unfair to your kid. Your daughter may be a great person and very humble in nature, but because of you they get a raw deal they get judged unfairly not for who they are, but for what you’ve told everyone they are. Get out of your kid’s way let them and their talents speak for them, “not you”, put away your expectation for them. Teach them to be thankful for their ability as well, and to appreciate the opportunity to display it in front of friends and family.

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Winning vs. Losing Everybody wants to win even your kid no one wants to be on the losing end of anything, but everyone can’t win there will always be a winner and a loser that’s why they keep score to determine the winner. The difference between the two, winning and losing, is the way a person interprets them and for kids, that basically depends on their parent’s view of winning and losing. For the most part children can except losing and can learn from it more so than their parents can, but the difference between winning and losing, for most kids, is how their parent treats them afterwards. I know you’re smart readers, but just for clarity I would like to explain what I mean, if you are angry after your kid loses and are unable to talk to them about the game they may interrupt losing as something awful; and depending on how strong your relationship is with your child they may think they are awful to. Most kids enjoy playing more than anything else, they are happy to be out there with their friends and quickly seem to realize that winning is not all that important, unless they have been inoculated with the idea that winning isn’t everything, it’s the “only thing”.

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In reality winning or losing really makes no difference at all when compared to the big picture and make sure your kid knows the big picture, which is, regardless if they win or lose, he or she will still have to clean their room, do their homework, and take out the trash. Winning a game on Saturday or Sunday doesn’t produce A’s and B’s in the classroom, and on the flip side, losing doesn’t produce D’s and F’s. It’s great when your child is on the winning team and you should celebrate wins there’s no doubt about that. However, there will be a loser and your kid might be on that team, so celebrate their effort and their competitiveness keep them from thinking that because they lost a basketball game or a gymnastic contest it somehow defines them as a person or worse a loser. Nevertheless, there are countless of positive things to celebrate with your child after a loss, your child will really appreciate the fact of knowing they are more significant to you than a silly sporting event. Celebrating a win is important and easy to do even when your child didn’t perform well, but helping them to see something positive out of losing, now that’s essential for real growth. Help your child be a good loser, not excepting losing as a way of existence, but helping them recognize the areas were they can improve their skills and raise their level of play. Not to necessarily win next time, but to grow and mature as a player as adults we know just because you perform better and work harder that doesn’t automatically translate into a win. Show Sportsmanship

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The dictionary defines sportsmanship as sportsmanlike conduct, as fairness, courtesy, being a cheerful loser. What a great definition, what a great way for parents to act. Of course, sportsmanship applies to the athletes, but good sportsmanship should and must apply to the fans and the parents in the stands. It’s embracing and somewhat humiliating for a kid when they see their parents in the stands yelling at other parents, player, and referees. As parents we have to demonstrate the right behavior for our children telling them not to yell and not to fight is not as effective as showing them how not to do these things. We all know the old saying “actions speak louder than words”. The best part of the definition on sportsmanship is the last part, being a cheerful loser, this doesn’t mean you and your kid should start to enjoy losing, but to take pleasure in the lessons learned from losing. Losing a game is not the worst thing that could happen to a kid and winning is sometimes overrated, so after a win don’t get too carried away. Congratulate the winners, shower them praise and honor “give credit where credit is do”, but don’t degrade or humiliate the loser just because your team won “on the scoreboard”. Be positive when talking to the children of the losing team let them know what they did well, ask them if they played hard and gave it all they had, and if the answer is yes, let them know that makes them a winners, despite the scoreboard.

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Many High School Athletic Associations are in the process of addressing the issue of sportsmanship in high school athletics. High school athletes have taken to “showmanship” rather than “sportsmanship” and the associations don’t necessarily like the attitudes and actions that comes along with showmanship, but preventing this type of behavior starts long before young athletes reach high school. If showmanship is allowed at the youth level the athletes will continue that trend into high school so, needless to say, deterring the finger pointing, the chest pounding and the trash talking at the youth level is the key to averting the problem in high school. Is this a sure fire way of preventing taunting and trash talking in high school of course not, but it is the first step and a very good step to helping athletes understand the meaning of sportsmanship. Understand, being excited after a good play or being victorious after a hard fought game and show exuberance is all well and good, and should be displayed, in my opinion. However, that’s not what I’m talking about here and I think you all know what I’m referring to, we see the showmanship more so with the boys than the girls, but lately I’ve seen a lot of chest pounding with the girls. Have Fun Not many parents know how to have fun while watching their kid participating in a sporting event. Parents don’t have fun because they are to busy yelling instructions to their kid, questioning every move the coaches make and complaining about the other players. Parents could enjoy their kid’s play a lot more if they came to the game without any expectation. Remember you’re not going to a professional contest these are children trying to do the best they can for you and their coach. Mistakes will be made a lot of them, understand that and except it.

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Here is a good why parents can have fun, encourage your child to have fun and mean it, don’t say “have fun” and then in the very next breath say, but you have to win. Don’t worry about your kid winning or losing if you don’t they won’t, and then you and your kid can truly enjoy the game together. Cheer them on even when they mess up, clap and encourage them even when it looks like they and/or the coach has no clue about what’s going on out there. Get to know the other players on your kid’s team as well as their parents, by doing so you won’t focus just on your child and you’ll want all the players to do well. Who knows, you might develop a friendship with some of the other parents, which could turnout to be very enriching for you and them. If you notice one or two parents don’t know the rules and you do, help them to understand what’s going on it might provide you with a bit of gratification to help someone. Try not to be a lone ranger, don’t sit away from all the other parents and isolate yourself and your family, that’s not productive and it’s not fun. By being a part of the entire event and leaving your expectations at home you will find it easy to get your hands around the fun that is usually missed by too many parents. A Traveling Team

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A traveling team is a great opportunity for kids participating in youth sports, there’s nothing more exciting for a child than to travel to another town or state to participate in a sport they enjoy. It’s exciting for the child of course, but it is equally has exciting for the parents, you get to see your kid compete against some of the top players around the country. It’s a great feeling to know your child has an opportunity to travel and play, not many kids gets such an opportunity. Your kid gets a chance to compare his or her abilities, and skills to other players who are just as good or better. They get a chance to see just how skilled they really are and some insight on which areas they need to improve upon. They get a chance to meet other boys and girls who enjoy the sport just as much as they do and in every case, no exceptions, they are face to face with kids they’ve never met before with the possibly of creating a friendship that could last a lifetime. Traveling with your child is the best way to go, in my opinion, but not everyone has the money or the time to travel so you really want to think through the idea of a traveling team, make sure it’s a good fit for you, your kid, and your pocket book. If you do decide the traveling team is something that makes sense for you and your kid, consider this list of suggestions, especially if you’re not able to travel with the team: o Don’t send your kid on every trip. o Send your kid with another family member. o If there is a family member in the city the team is going to ask them to contact your kid and attend some of their games. o Create an alliance with other parents who are traveling with their kid. o Make sure your kid is mature enough to travel on his or her own.

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o Be sure that your kid wants to even go on the trip if you can’t go with them. o Give your kid a cell phone and tell them to call you daily and after every game. o Have the numbers and locations of where your kid will play and lodge. o Give your kid or their chaperon enough money for food, souvenirs and/or recreation. This can become an inexhaustible list and I’m sure you can add many of your own precautionary ideas to the list, however the considerations are strictly for the protection of your child. Take every precaution necessary to protect your kid when they travel, especially if you are unable to travel with them. I suggest that if you have any apprehension about sending your child on a trip without you, don’t do it; particularly if the situation is something you’re not comfortable with, don’t send them! Not going on a few trips wouldn’t damage your child there will be other opportunities when the circumstances are more conducive for you and your child to travel together. A traveling team can be a great experience for your kid and lots of fun, but like any condition in life it can also be risky if not handle correctly.

Having the Right Equipment

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This topic may seem somewhat ridiculous to even discuss, but there are parents who don’t know what type of gear is required for their kid’s sport. It’s important to have your child properly equipped with the correct shoes, shorts, glove, racket or whatever’s necessary for them to be successful. If your child is participating in a contact sport the right equipment is critical for their success, and more importantly for their safety, so they won’t get seriously injured. If your kid has a bad knee or ankle make sure they have a brace that fits and will adequately support and protect area, on the other hand if a child does have a knee, or an ankle that is tender or damaged, don’t let the play. Preventing serious injury is always at the top of the list having your kid play injured is stupid don’t risk long-term injury. Be wise about the type of equipment you purchase because many times your kid will only use it for one season and for just one sport. It is not necessary to purchase the most expensive gear for a growing child, but it is vital for them to have equipment that will last throughout the season, you can always find good used equipment Be certain the gear fits, if they are playing basketball make sure they have basketball shoes not running shoes, the areas needed for support are different so the right shoes are important. Your child’s shorts and shirts should also fit properly, we all know what the style is, big and baggy, but having clothing that is hanging off causes a distraction for your kid while they are playing and can hinder their performance. If there are any questions about what your child needs for their particular sport ask the coach or program director they should be able to help you with any questions or concerns you may have.

You and Your Child

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Always, always remember that this is your child I know that seems very elementary and may sound even ridiculous to state, but to often parents rely too much on the advice of other parents and coaches. Direction on what team their kid should play on, what coach to play for and at what level. Naturally, if you don’t know much about sports or the sport your child has chosen it does make sense to reach out for help, to try to find the best route for your child but at the end of the day you and your child should feel good about your decisions. What’s right for one kid may not be right for another kid, again it sounds very elementary, yet parents get so wrapped up in making sure that their child doesn’t fall behind that they overlook what’s really best for the kid. What’s important is that your child has fun, first and foremost, that they learn how to play the game they have chosen and you help them discover what their true abilities are. Your child may be better suited to be a musician or an artist be open to that and try to recognize what they are truly gifted in, it may not be athletics. Parents also overlook what their child wants to do the kid might want to play the piano, but because the parents insist they play hockey the child becomes unhappy and stressed trying to please their parents by attempting to play a game they hate, hates a strong word, they strongly dislike.

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Sports does provide children with some very valuable qualities, qualities they will carry with them throughout their life, that’s a fact, however there or many other activities available to children that will supply the same or even greater qualities for a kid to draw on. As a coach, I will always encourage children to participate in sports it builds selfconfidence, friendships, and mental toughness and is a good way to keep your child active and healthy, among other things. Of course, I’m aware not all children are cut out for sports not all of them are capable of handling the physical activity, and as a parent you should be aware of your child’s capabilities and help them choose the best activity for them. Private lessons are a great way to go if your child needs a little extra time on the court or field, one on one instruction can move your child forward faster in the sport of their choice. However, don’t make the mistake of thinking because your kid is not very good at their chosen sport all they need is extra instruction or more practice, not true. They may need time away from the sport, time to grow and mature, or they may need you to show some interest in them and not so much in the sport they’re attempting to play. Don’t make the game bigger than your kid. However, a parent’s involvement means so much to a child, I’ve seen kids perform awe-inspiring when mom or dad showed up to the game, it was as though they were a different kid, if you think your presents at your child’s game doesn’t matter, think again. Just being there and some times not saying a word can make all the difference in the world for your kid.

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Parents pay hundreds of dollars for private lessons now I’m not against private lessons, because I’ve done a few sessions myself. I’ve had sessions with players who wanted a little more one on one time on the court. However, sometimes a parents’ zeal to help their kid improve his or her skills, they place themselves and their child in a position to be taken advantage of. Parents are often over charged, greatly, for private lessons that may not have the desired effect they were looking for. Again, your involvement, your attentiveness, your recognition and your praise may be all your child needs to take them to the next level, they might be waiting on you. Many of the drills and techniques you pay someone else to teach your child, you can teach them for free I understand not all parents no the game of hockey for example, but we’re talking about children between the ages of seven and thirteen. So, paying hundreds of dollars an hour for an adolescent to get better at hockey doesn’t really register with me. If your child genuinely enjoys the sport of hockey, as they mature the commitment to become a better player will become obvious, and at that time seeking out someone for private lessons might make more sense, at least for me. Save your money before then, or find someone who is willing to help you for free or for a minimal cost, there are coaches and other individuals out there who are willing to help your kid become a better player who won’t take advantage of your eagerness to improve your child’s skills. As was mentioned earlier in this book, many kids won’t go on to play high school sports, so be smart about whom you choose for private lessons and how much you or willing to pay for those lessons.

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Nonetheless, if your child is capable and does participate in youth sports stay in constant communication with them, about how things are going make sure the game is still fun and exciting for them. Ask your child how they think they’re doing at the sport they’ve chosen, children won’t always tell you how they are doing and sometimes they really don’t know how well they’re doing. Talking with them about their performance might help them discover what they could improve upon or if they are even doing it correctly. The key is talking to them not yelling or scolding them, let them do most of the talking about their performance, allowing them to reflect on their own play without you telling them how they’ve done, allowing them to talk will be more advantageous. Speak to your child about their teammates, their coach or coaches, even though you may be very much involved you still can’t see or hear everything that’s being said or done. It’s necessary to know how your kid’s relationship is developing with their teammates and their coach. If, for whatever reason, your child is not getting along with their teammates and/or coach the season could be a long and stressful one for them, and you, that’s why you need to know what’s happen. Your kid will be willing to give you that information freely, if they know you are truly on their side that your concern is for them and not the sport. Matters may be fine, everything could be going great, but it never hurts to ask and if you don’t ask they may not tell you.

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If your child is on a traveling team and you are unable to travel with them make sure you are available for them when they return home from their trip. Have some ice cream and a conversation with him or her, and ask plenty of questions, open-ended questions, get them talking about what went on, how they, how their teammates did, who played well and who didn’t, ask them everything you can possible think of. Be sincere don’t make it out to be an interrogations as though you know something went wrong and they were a part of it. Listen with enthusiasm and joy, wouldn’t you want people to listen to your adventures with that kind of interest. Find out as much as you can about their trip and if they are not willing to tell you much about it, find out why. There maybe nothing wrong, the trip might have been fantastic, but make sure your kid understands that you love them and you just want to know how everything went with the game, the hotel stay, the recreation, their performance, everything and not because you don’t trust them but because you love them. Talk to other parents who went on the trip as well, ask them how they thought things went and if the trip was well organized, were there enough rooms at the hotel, or did some people have to stay at another hotel and who roomed with whom, were did the coach stay, and if they plan on sending their child on the next trip. It’s important that the avenues of communication are open with your kid and the other parents and that the lines of communication remain open throughout the season. However, the very best thing to do if your child is on a traveling team is to travel with them as much as possible, if your budget allows it. The Predator And Your Child

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Take every precaution you can to keep your child safe always error on the side of caution. Be present, make yourself visible for all to see, don’t assume all is well, and be involved, by doing these simple things you can prevent many of the misfortunes and destructive proceedings that, sadly, to often happens to too many children. Predators come in many different packages and they are often very difficult to spot, nonetheless predators always seem to be able to recognize an unsuspected victim. The reason the enemy uses a surprise attack is to catch their victims at their weakest, to catch them with their weapons and their walls of protection down. This is a very difficult subject for me to write on, because I’m a coach and know some very good coaches who I couldn’t have imagine would do anything to a child, but they did, and as parents you have to suspect coaches as well as parents, sadly you have to think they could be capable of sexually assaulting your child. Unfortunately, this is the world we live in and sorrowfully these predators will continue to prey on the weakest and most unsuspected of the human species, children. Thus, it is our, your responsibility, your duty to serve, protect and defend your child at all cost it is your obligation as their parent and they depend on you to do so, they expect it. Parents have lost sight of how precious children are and what youth sports are really about we have unknowingly placed our children in harms way. We have made it easy for those individuals who want to purposely take advantage of our children, who want to use them as objects and possessions for their own perverse pleasure.

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Creating an alliance with the other parents on the team is always a good idea it’s good to have other parents watching out for your child, as you do the same for them it’s a terrific situation. Preventing misconduct by coaches and other adults takes the efforts of many, many who want to protect the children and disarm these predators. Your relationship with your child is critical and informing them on what is appropriate and what isn’t assures them that if something improper does occur, they are not to blame. I cannot emphasis enough how important it is for parents to be apart of their child’s growth and learning while participating in the wonderful world of youth sports. Don’t let anything or anyone spoil the great time that can be had during this phase of their life and yours. The game can’t become more important than the participant the idea of turning your child over to a coach or instructor and not mongering the relationship should never happen. I firmly believe there are more good and up standing coaches out there than not, but keeping a strong handle out what your kid is doing and who they are doing it with is still the best method and/or approach I mean whose kid is it anyway!