She Magazine May 2009

Cover Spread May

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She Magazine

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THE TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD • MAY 2009

It could be a fall in the home for an older person.

Chest pain for a boomer. A car crash for a teenager. Spiking fever for a baby. Or so many other things. Whatever the cause, when someone you love needs emergency care, you need Carolinas Hospital System. The Emergency Department at Carolinas Hospital System offers a highly experienced medical team under the direction of Dr. William Cauthen, a 15-year veteran of emergency care at Carolinas. With shorter wait times, a calmer atmosphere and cutting-edge technology, the Emergency Department at Carolinas Hospital System is your destination.

www.shemagazine.com

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She IT’S A WOMAN THING!

THE TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD From Diapers to First Dates How Moms REALLY Feel What You Need to Know about Postpartum Depression

805 Pamplico Highway • Florence, South Carolina • (843) 674-5000 • www.carolinashospital.com

Volume 7 • Issue 3

Discover the Carolinas difference.

The Other Side of Motherhood One Woman’s Struggle With Infertility Trying to Measure Up to the Perfect Mom? Lower Your Expectations and Learn to Enjoy Motherhood

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Bringing Movement To Life.

McLeod Human Motion Specialists Finding some of the best orthopedic and spine care in the Southeast is now easier and more convenient than ever. McLeod Human Motion Specialists brings together a comprehensive network of skilled physicians, surgeons and rehabilitation specialists to offer a breadth of care and expertise that is truly extraordinary. At every level of treatment, every step is taken to ensure that you receive consistent, understandable information regarding your condition and plan of care. Whether your symptoms are due to an illness, injury or aging, our highly trained and experienced clinical teams enlist a coordinated approach that ensures the best care for you. The McLeod nationally recognized quality of care brings you back to life by bringing more movement to your life. And you can access it all by simply calling your doctor or 1-800-877-6762.

McLeod Human Motion Specialists www.McLeodMotion.org SPORTS MEDICINE ~ REHABILITATION SERVICES ~ JOINT CARE ~ SPINE CARE

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“The Uncensored Message that My Mother Asked Me Not to Write...” Dear Friend, Well, at first, my mother asked me not to write this. We had a big discussion about it. Finally, she understood what I was trying to do, and actually helped me write this letter to you. Here’s the thing. In my office, most of the people that come in to see me tell me they’ve “tried everything.” They’ve had “every” test, wound up with huge medical bills, and are still no better off. Often, they’ve been subjected to medications that have only served to temporarily mask symptoms. That’s not what most people are looking for. Health, or the lack of it, very often has simple causes, and very reasonable corrections. That’s what I’m going to tell you about. But, before I tell you more, let me tell you something about me… Back when I was a freshman in college, I injured my back while water skiing. The pain in my low back and leg was so intense that I couldn’t even walk, and sometimes I needed help getting out of bed. I was afraid that I’d lose the ability to even walk if the disability continued. After months of prescription drugs, that did more to disrupt my life than ease the pain and numerous steroid injections, I was told that surgery was the only option. Little did I know what would happen. I lost a semester in college (6 months of my life), and was still having problems. But there’s more. A friend of mine convinced me to give a chiropractor a try. The chiropractor did an exam, took some

films, and then “adjusted” my spine. The adjustment didn’t hurt, it actually felt good. I got relief, and I could walk without pain again. It worked so well that I went to chiropractic school myself. Back to what my mother (at first) didn’t want me to write. It’s that chiropractic is one of the biggest “secrets” in health care. Few people (relatively, only 10% have been to a chiropractor) know about it. And, many of the rest could be helped, if they only knew the true story. So, I often feel like shouting it from the mountaintop! Is that “professional?” Well, maybe it is, or maybe not. But, I’ve decided people should know. For the last nine years, people from Florence and the surrounding area have come to see us with their lower back problems. They also come to me with their: • • • • • • • • •

Headaches Migraines Chronic pain Neck pain Shoulder/arm pain Whiplash from car accidents Backaches Numbness in limbs Athletic injuries just to name a few…

Here’s what some of your neighbors had to say:

“I have been able to stop taking pain medication.” (D.G.-Florence) “No more migraines and no more neck pain!” (H. B.Florence) “I feel better than I have in a (M. P.long time!” Timmonsville) “From the very first visit I could

tell a dramatic improvement.” (D. R.-Florence)

Several times a day patients thank me for helping them with their health problems. But I can’t really take the credit. The truth is that I’ve never healed anyone of anything . What I do is perform a specific spinal adjustment to remove nerve pressure, and the body responds by healing itself. Of course, all people respond differently to care, but we get terrific results. It’s as simple as that! Exciting Offer- Look, I know you’re smart. You want to get to the cause of your problem, and not just cover it up with drugs. When you are one of the first 20 people to call and schedule a new patient exam (by May 31, 2009) you’ll receive that entire exam for $27. That’s with x-rays, and thorough evaluation ….the whole ball of wax, and there’s no hidden fees. But, call right away because we expect to be flooded with calls as this exam normally costs $250. Again, there’s only 20 of these slots, so don’t miss out. Great care at a great fee… Please, I hope that there’s no misunderstanding about quality of care just because I have a lower exam fee. You’ll get great care at a great fee. My

qualifications…I grew up in the Pee Dee and love it here. I’m a graduate of Palmer College in Davenport, Iowa. Throughout my career I have wanted to return to the Pee Dee Region and thankfully I was able to join Dr. McKay and Dr. Skipper. I am happy to be back where I belong and doing what I love, helping people through chiropractic and natural healthcare. I’ve been entrusted to take care of tiny babies to pro athletes that you may know. I just have that low fee to help more people who need care. My assistants are Debbie and Jennifer and they are really great people. Our office is both friendly and warm and we try our best to make you feel at home. We have a wonderful service, at an exceptional fee. Our office is ADVANTAGE called HEALTH & WELLNESS CENTER and it is at 507 West Palmetto St. (We are across from the Montessori School, 1 block from the Venus Pancake House). Our phone number is 843-6691010 . Call Debbie or Jennifer today for an appointment. We can help you. Thank you. -Dr.Craig Strickland, D.C. P.S. When accompanied by the first, I am also offering the second family member this same examination for only $17. P.P.S. Can you imagine not having to wait at a doctor’s office? Well, your time is as valuable as mine. That’s why we have a no-wait policy. You will be seen within minutes of your appointment.

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Florence Wellness & Weight-loss Center J. MARSHALL DENT, M.D., BARIATRIC PHYSICIAN, BARIATRIC ASSISTANTS, JEAN DICKENS & PATRICIA POWELL AND CERTIFIED PERSONAL TRAINER GEORGE MCELVEEN

under the direction of

NOW OFFERING FULL & MODIFIED FAST AS WELL AS OTHER PROGRAMS TAILORED TO YOUR INDIVIDUAL NEEDS

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I’ve lost 75 POUNDS!

before

Lorrie Hayhurst tells her story.

”

HER STORY... At 263 pounds on a five-foot frame, I started a weight-loss program because I was having health problems such as high cholesterol and constant fatigue. Always tired, I never felt like doing anything. Also, it was embarrassing when I had to ask for a seat belt extension when traveling for my employer. I saw Dr. Dent in November for my annual physical and we agreed that being extremely obese was the root cause of all my problems. I had to do something. I chose Florence Wellness & Weight-Loss Center’s Full Fast Diet Plan. I drink five protein supplements per day, along with a lot of water. This plan allows absolutely no food and I’m proud to say that I have never cheated – not one time. I see Jean Dickens and Dr. Dent on a weekly basis to get my supplements, vitamins, appetite suppressants and to weigh. They monitor me very closely, checking my blood work every two or three weeks to make certain I’m receiving all the nutrients I need. Initially, I didn’t exercise because I didn’t have the energy. Now, I walk at least four or five times per week for at least thirty minutes. Since I started the fast in December, the hardest thing about sticking to it was getting through Christmas, New Year’s, my husband’s birthday and our wedding anniversary. In addition, I’m a stress eater and there were many days that I thought I would fall off the ledge because of the stress of my job. My desire not to be fat, my desire to be healthy (not skinny), my husband, our families and my co-workers who support me every lost pound of the way – these desires and people inspire me to keep going. The praise and support from Dr. Dent, Jean Dickens and the Staff at the Center also keep me on track. They will never know just how much I appreciate their unwavering support. Most of all, however, the biggest motivator is the fact that I feel better and better every day that goes by, not just physically but mentally and emotionally, as well. I have struggled with weight my entire life. I cannot remember feeling as good physically as I do now, not to mention feeling as good as I do about myself. My advice to others is to choose a weight-loss plan that works for you. Set small goals; I set mine in ten-pound increments so reaching them doesn’t feel so colossal. Also, reward yourself as you meet each goal; I started buying flowers for myself. Now, I weigh 188 pounds and my initial goal is 167 pounds. I’m still doing the Full Fast Plan, but I haven’t been taking the appetite suppressants for two months now. With a 75-pound total weight loss, six smaller sizes in clothes and 27 inches in my bust, waist and hips gone, I’m on my way to reaching all my goals.

after

J. Marshall Dent, M.D. is now certified by the American Board of Bariatric Physicians, making him 1 of only 10 Board Certified Bariatric Physicians in SC.

Complete Women’s Health Care

See Dr. Dent’s article on pg.44

8

J. Marshall Dent, M.D. Member of North American Menopausal Society • Member of American Bariatrics Physicians

410 South Coit Street • Florence • 665.5055

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There’s plenty to love about Pee Dee Gardens! Call Shannon Berg & inquire about our friendly assisted living today! Our Assisted Living is a snapshot of the top of the line...where it feels like family and where you know your loved one will be in the best care. We feature professional staff and the best living accommodations for your family member. At Pee Dee Gardens, your loved one is in the best of hands.

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The Truth About Motherhood Special Features

In Every Issue

76

Renee Perdue

92

Dr. Heidi Arsua Berdin

78

Pam Hucks Blackman

94-95

Kitty Daniels

80

Rosa Lee Hines Riley

96

Kelley Prevatte

Style File

82-83

Beverly Lane

98

Vickie Elliott

She Wants to Know

84

Erin Ruth

100

Victoria Zybko

86

Caren Coon

102

Angela Dent

14

Letter from the Editor

16

She mail

25 28 32

She’s Closet

88-89

Karen Poston Smith

38

There She Goes

90

Erin Segars Faile

41

Shop Talk Pattycakes Children’s Boutique and Fine Consignments

47

The World According to Peggy Bowers McLean

48

In His Own Words Matt Tyler

53

Chicks of the Month The DSS Child Care Licensing Office in Florence

59

Annie at Home

62

Wee She Kate Sansbury

66

104

Chick Lit Jeanne Yarborough, LMT

112

116 120

Cookie Cawthon Heavy Mettle

22

Katie Edwards, LMT The Benefits of Massage for the Mom-To-Be

26

Allie Atkinson The Toughest Job You’ll Ever Love

Campus Chick Anna Hart And She Cooks,Too!

126

Beauty Buzz

132

She Has to Have It!

134

Art & Soul by Sharman Poplava Who’s That Girl? Haley Tucker

Beth Grant If Mothering Came with Instructions...

60

Ouida K. Page, RN, LPC Trying to Measure Up to the Perfect Mom?

64

Jumana A. Swindler The Stress of the Dress and Other Stuff

70

Rose Varlaro Giving Our Children the BEST

72

Ferebe Gasque Once a Momma Always a Momma

Marti Miller Her Secret Hope

34

Rebecca J. Blair Un-Motherhood

36

Sandra Honaker Behold the Nag Queen 118

42

Janet R. Sims, LPC Motherhood: What I Learned from My Sons

Paige Thomas Mother, Mary

122

Melodie Griffin I Did Not Sign Up for This!

Leigh Clary Abdou Mary, Did You Know?

130

Ferebe Gasque The Other Side of Motherhood, Rhonda Johnson

Women at Work Reanna Stoinoff The Sir-Vey

56

30

Purse Strings Robert LeMaster

124

136

18

Sheroes Vanessa Sansbury

106

Contributing Writers

50

54

Anna Kathryn Pitts Keeping the Past a Part of My Present

Medical Experts 44

J. Marshall Dent, III, MD

110

Exploring Hormone Myths

68

Lea Pritchard-Boone, PhD Forget Perfection, Forget Blame and Just Press On!

Carol Adams, PhD What You Need to Know about Postpartum Depression

114

Dr. Brian Blair McLeod Orthopedic Surgeon Explains ACL Injuries in Female Athletes

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She

She Magazine • May 2009 • 13

M e l ia a Flowers Berry Publisher/Editor [email protected]

Tuesday Taylor General Manager

we are

13

Advertising & Graphic Design [email protected]

Dresden Tucker Graphic Design [email protected]

Leigh Clary Abdou Production Manager Advertising & Graphic Design [email protected]

This month’s cover of the “Motherhood” issue is an acrylic painting created especially for

Heather Frick

She Magazine by Debi Slone.

In

addition to being an artist and the mother of three, Debi is an Art

Intern

Teacher with the Darlington County School District

[email protected]

Originally from Florida, she has lived in Montana, Missouri, Maryland and South Carolina, making the Pee Dee area

Ashley Rogers

her home for the past two decades.

Graphic Design

Debi’s painting, created with honesty and humor, depicts

[email protected]

the realities of young motherhood. “When my children were lit-

Beverly Kelly

- Executive Assistant

tle, I remember complaining to my mother that there was never enough time to finish all that needed to be done in the day. She

Ray Gasque

- Distribution Manager

quoted that wise old saying about how the housework will always be there waiting, but your children won’t. Enjoy them

She

while you can and although it doesn’t seem so now, the time is

mail

gone before you know it and all too soon, they will be grown and

E m a i l t o : e d i t o r @shemagazine.com

raising children of their own.

Mail to: 609 North Main Street • Marion, SC 29571 Call us: 843.423.2393 office line • 843.423.9837 fax line

I also remember, after my kids were born, that finding any time for myself was rare indeed, including the basics of sleep and just simply being able to go to the bathroom alone. Even when

take us home

I was able to slip away, I would soon be found with little knocks

For a copy to be placed in your mailbox, send a check or money order

on the door and voices calling, ‘Mommy!’ So prompted the rea-

for $38 to the above address for a year's subscription.

son for inserting the thought pillows in the picture where the young mom is daydreaming of some She -time. I think moms of all ages can relate to this painting.

She Magazine is published monthly and distributed at over 500 locations throughout the Pee Dee. She Magazine reserves the right to refuse any advertisement or content we

For older moms, it touches the memory of that very special time in our lives when we were young

deem inappropriate for the publication. Contributions are welcome and can be sent via

moms and for young moms, well, they are e-mail or snail mail. Please include name, address and contact number. You will be contacted if we decide to print your submission. Content must be received by the 10th for

living the reality.”

the following month's publication. Letters to the Editor are welcome; however, they may require editing due to space limitations. The design, editorial and photo content in

She Magazine and may not be reproduced without written permission by the She Magazine is a registered trademark.

copyright of publisher.

She is

Debi Slone is a mixed-media artist and creates both 2-D and 3-D art. This summer, at the Averitt Center for the Arts in Statesboro, Georgia, a solo exhibit of Debi’s work is being held on July 3, 2009. Debi offers her original artwork or prints for sale and accepts commissions for artwork. She can be contacted at [email protected].

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from the editor Arriving home from work a few days ago, I opened the door, struggling not to drop the bags of groceries I was carrying, along with my purse and a notebook filled with work I had to get done before going to bed. I was tired and the sight of the “done” light flashing on the dishwasher caught my eye. I knew my daughter had neglected to unload it – again – and frustration began to build. I put the bags on the counter and turned to yell,“Haley!” when my eyes fell upon a sight that made the muscles in my throat contract. Her name hung there, caught somewhere between a whisper and a yell. I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears. Emotions I can’t explain welled up inside me – a mixture of joy and sadness, fear and elation. We both stood there looking at each other – she, so much a reflection of me, the moment surreal. Haley will graduate high school later this month and, on this day, had received her cap and gown. Moments before I got home, she had decided to try them on. Seeing my baby girl standing there dressed in her graduation attire took me completely by surprise. For weeks, I’ve been preparing myself for the moment I would see her walk down the aisle to receive her diploma, but nothing could have prepared me for seeing her that night in our kitchen. The frustration of Haley neglecting to do her chore faded in the second I saw her standing there. She was no longer a little girl; she was a beautiful young woman preparing to end a season of her life and begin another. Time regressed to her first day of preschool. I could see her wearing a Lion King dress, Lion King shoes with little lace socks and a Lion King book bag over her little shoulder. Long, curly locks of soft little-girl hair hung down her back, framing her tiny face. I could still see the excitement and sadness in her big brown eyes. She was eager to go to school with her big brother but didn’t want to be without her mommy. Now, she stood before me, confident and ready to take on the world. This month, in celebration of Mother’s Day, She brings you “THE TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD.” This being our seventh year of publishing a Mother’s Day issue, I wanted to do something a little different. We have celebrated wonderful mothers and all the things that make motherhood so grand. As warm and fuzzy as that makes us feel, it’s just half the truth. All of us who have been there – by being a mother or having one – know that there is another side of motherhood. Beyond the goo-goo ga-gas and fat little pinchable baby cheeks is a whole other realm where sleepless nights, exhaustion, fears and failures lurk. For this issue, I wanted to get women talking about just such things. As mothers, we need to be able to talk about the strug(left to right) Jacob, Joshua and Haley – gles, as well as the triumphs. Summer Vacation, 1995 From sharing, we learn that we’re not alone and that falling short doesn’t mean we have failed; it means we are human. Yes, Moms, we are allowed to be human (a truth that I am slowly grasping). In this month’s feature stories, you will meet fourteen women who share their TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD. From our medical professionals, you will find fabulous advice on (left to right) Jacob, Joshua and Haley clowning around being the best mom you can in a NYC subway – Summer 2008

be as they address topics like “What You Need to Know About Postpartum Depression” (Carol Adams, PhD),“Forget Perfection, Forget Blame and Just Press On” (Lea Pritchard-Boone, PhD) and “Trying to Measure Up to the Perfect Mom? Lower Your Expectations and Learn to Enjoy Motherhood” (Ouida Page, LPC). I’ve been dealing with my own TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD while working on this issue. As Haley prepares to graduate, I find myself struggling to let go of a phase of motherhood that I’m not ready to relinquish. As the youngest of my three, her graduation marks the end of my parenting “children.” I have friends who have counted down the days to getting their children out of the house and on the road to living their own lives. I, however, am not one of those mothers. I love having my children around; I love having everyone else’s children around. My home has been filled with my children and their friends for so long, I’m afraid of the silence that their growing up and going away will bring. While I do want my children to be independent and can easily get excited about watching them experience the next phase of their lives, I have to admit I’m struggling with cutting the apron strings. I also cringe at the thought of being one of those clingy moms who becomes the nightmare of the poor man or woman who finds themselves married to her “baby.” This is the thing; I find myself caught between them needing me and me needing them. I love being a mom. While it is the hardest thing I have ever done, it has also been the most incredible experience of my life. What is the correct way to mother your children when they are no longer children but are not fully on their own? I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to call them anymore. It doesn’t sound right to call them “children,” yet they are my children. (I do know, however, that if my sons are to one day get married and give me grandchildren, I must refrain from using “Binkie" and “Joshie Bear." Yes, it's time to let the nicknames go, I guess.) THE TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD is that it just goes too fast. Just a moment ago, I was wondering how I would make it through the day. I was exhausted and it was four o’clock in the afternoon and I hadn’t had a chance to get in the shower. I had three babies under the age of four and I couldn’t see beyond the diapers and bottles and messy house. Time – that thief that comes when we’re not looking and when we’re too caught up in the every-day things to notice – came in the form of birthday parties and new school years and proms and graduations. The tricky thing, however, is that when your children are grown, you are still a mother. Once a mother, you will always be a mother. I know that if I’m in my right mind, with my last breath, I will think about the well-being of my children. That will never change. MOTHERHOOD is tough. It’s wrought with challenges and I’m convinced that being a mother is the toughest job on the planet. There is no other role that can evoke the heartache, provoke the love or release the joy that is felt by a mother. Years ago, I found this quote by Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.” I never forgot it because I, too, believe that raising our children should be the most important thing we ever do as women. My three children are my greatest accomplishments and in being their mother, I have been more than I ever thought I could be. So, my TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD is that I have to learn to let go of MOTHERHOOD as I have known it. I have to start snipping at those apron strings so that when the time comes, the apron will easily fall, setting my children free to live the lives God calls them to live. I know they will always need me in some form, as I will never stop needing my precious mother. In many ways, I now need her more than ever before. Perhaps I need to think of it as, “I am in a MOTHERHOOD transition.” What is your TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD? Every mother has a story to tell and each is as special and unique as the children we love. I hope this issue will encourage you in your journey. Happy Mother’s Day! . . . it’s a woman thing!

Melia Flowers Berry Editor’s Note: In the seven years that I have published She, my daughter, Haley, has never asked to be in the magazine. This month, in celebration of her high school graduation, she is featured in “WHO’S THAT GIRL?” (pg 136). I am so proud of you, Haley!

4/23/09

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 15

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She mail She,

Dear

We at Genesis Cosmetic Laser Center were talking about She Magazine’s staff the other day. All of you are so sweet and nice. You did such a good job picking your staff. Thanks for touching our lives through your magazine and your staff. God has really blessed Dear

She, I want to express my deep appreciation for

She!

Sabrina Street, Florence Patient Coordinator

She

Magazine. The first of the month heralds different activities for individuals; however, the first of the month means I can acquire the current issue of

She.

On sev-

eral occasions, I have risked receiving a ticket for making a U-turn on Main Street after observing the new issue in the container outside the

She office.

At one time, I was the courier for several close friends at the beach who lamented about not being able to find

She Magazine.

However, when the price of gas

surpassed the cost of steak, I had to cease being so charitable.

Dear

She,

I have been reading She Magazine since a friend of ours, Mr.Aubrey Cox of Florence, gave us the May 2008 issue. It included a beautiful picture in memory of his deceased wife, Gussie Ann Todd Cox. Since then, there have been other issues that are special to me. November 2008’s issue featured a story about Yvonne Rhodes and Linda Spurling. Yvonne is my sister-in-law and has such loving ways for everyone she meets, showing her love for Jesus. In the January 2009 issue’s “Letter from the Editor,” Melia Flowers Berry wrote about the loss of her father, David Flowers, and it touched me so much. Melia, you have my love and sympathy. We really enjoy reading She. My husband, Kip, and I moved to Florida in 2001, but we go back to South Carolina about every month or so to visit friends and relatives in Florence, Dillon and other areas. My very close friend, Gloria Hickman, saves copies of She for me each month and I pick them up. When I go back home to Florida, I read them over and over. Sincerely, Norma J. (Hartly) Rhodes Ocala, Florida

Sincerely, M. Beatryce Shaw, Mullins Dear Dear

She, First, I would like to say how much I love reading

She Magazine! I get so excited when it’s time for the new edition to come out. I read all the stories, articles and even the business ads. Most of the time, I go through it two or three times before passing it along to my mom to read. Thank you to the She Staff for the wonderful job you do. Secondly, I would really like to see a “Beauty Buzz” article written about skin care for different age groups; one that advises how each age group’s skin should be taken care of. Perhaps some information about different (inexpensive and nonsurgical) procedures and skin care treatments and creams could be included, as well as what to do about wrinkles, pores, etc. It would be great to have a few people receive the different treatments and then report the results. I have searched the Internet, but it’s so hard to decide what information is true and, more importantly, what will work for each individual. I think the topic of skin care (especially the face) is “Beauty Buzz” worthy!

She,

I am e-mailing a request to place some She Magazines in the Darlington County Historical Commission building. We have customers from all over the United States that visit with us looking up genealogy. Many of these customers are women and they take a copy of She. Every time I see a copy of She, I pick it up and another lady picks one up, as well. After reading them, we cut out the articles that pertain to Darlington people and places from one and we put the other complete magazine in our files here at the Commission to keep forever. We have files on families, towns, businesses, industry, churches, schools, pictures, agriculture, lawyers, doctors, courthouse records, clubs, societies, railroads – and the list goes on. Thank you so very much for your time, Doris G. Gandy, Director Darlington County Historical Commission

Thank you for your time, Cheri L. Richardson Assistant Dean of Students & Cheerleading Coach Francis Marion University

Send an E-MAIL to [email protected] or MAIL us at 609 N. Main St., Marion, SC 29571

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 17

Carolina Travel & Tours

UPCOMING EVENTS •NY shopping & NY Casino trip June 19-21, 2009, 2 full days/1 night in NY, Cost per person is $165(4),$175(3),$200(2).

•Essence Music Festival New Orleans, July 3-5, 2009 $399(4)$499(2) per room.

843-382-9293 1776 Cedar Swamp Rd. • Kingstree, SC 29556

When you sign up for eStatements in May or June you not only save a tree by reducing the amount of paper used, you will also donate a tree to Keep Florence Beautiful and support The Arbor Foundation.

Sign up for eStatements today! www.hffcu.com just click the tree

www.keepflorecebeautiful.com / 665.3113

With Two Locations To Serve You: • 501 S. Irby St. Florece, SC • Marion County Medical Complex Hwy 76 Marion, SC (Tuesday’s only)

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4/27/09

3:08 PM

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Heavy

I knew better. I KNEW BETTER. But I did it anyway. Chris was out of town, and I was feeling ambitious. I committed the unthinkable. I committed myself to an afternoon of appointments and errands with my six and three year-old daughters. I knew better. I realize that to some of you that’s no biggie, but to me it was a ghastly adventure. I ran over people at Carson’s school to snatch her up and dash to a hair appointment across town at 2:30. Thanks to my turn on two wheels into carline, we were actually a few minutes early for our first appointment. Both girls sat angelically to have their locks shorn, and that, my friends, was the high point of the afternoon. After a potty visit and some quick check writing, we barreled to another section of town for a 3:00 visit with our dentist – where Carson and I were having our teeth cleaned and checked. In my own utopia I had imagined that Carson would go into her own exam room, and we would be cleaned and examined simultaneously. Of course, Campbell would perch still and silent and watch with grave interest as I was the patient. Okay, so that didn’t happen. Carson was called before I was, so she finished just as I was getting started. She joined her sister in the room with me, and to say that there were way too many Cawthon girls in one exam room would be a gross understatement. I lay back, stretched my mouth open as wide as I could, my dental hygienist (if you are reading, I plead for your forgiveness! I learned my lesson, I promise!) began inserting her instruments into my mouth, and the melee began. I started to sweat and pray for a speedy cleaning. Campbell began beating on the foot of the dental chair, causing my head at the opposite end to bounce a little. Carson began to totally unpack my purse while wearing the requisite attitude that accompanies my obnoxiously large sunglasses. Then they began to fight, push, and argue over my personal belongings. My dear hygienist tried to ignore the fray, and I tried my hardest to teleport to another continent. No such luck, so I halted the cleaning, sat up, and informed both of my precious ones that certain punishment awaited them in their very near future. They were at least tolerable for the remainder of the visit. So I slunk out of the office wearing mortification like a weighty backpack and loaded my offspring. Acknowledging that I was at least partly to blame for attempting such an asinine afternoon, I refused to sink even lower in my own estimation by picking up fast food for dinner. We proceeded to the grocery store. Okay, I’m not completely an idiot; I issued the standard lecture in the car before we disembarked. I reminded them of their looming consequences – which proved to be a tactical error – and off we went. Somewhere half way through our shopping, they threw all caution to the wind and embraced the certainty of their punishment. We were a sight! Without an ounce of brain power or dignity left, I grabbed only the bare essentials for our dinner and breakfast. All else would have to wait. I pulled into a checkout line and exhaled, knowing the end was near. If I can just get home I’ll be okay, I thought. At about which time, Campbell, who is seated in the spacious part of the cart, leans over and puts her hand on the cart in front of us and bellows quite loudly, “MOVE IT, LADY!” Oh no she didn’t. Oh yes she did. The lady turns around and replies, “I would if I could.” “CAMPBELL CAWTHON, YOU APOLOGIZE TO HER RIGHT THIS MINUTE!” I declared with my head shaking in fury and shame; it threatened to make a few complete revolutions as my ire intensified. “Oh, she’s fine. I have grandchildren their ages, and you just need to enjoy this time while they’re young.” Sometimes, easier said than done, sweet friend (if you are reading, I plead for your forgiveness! You are an angel, and I so appreciated your gracious response and your sense of humor!). Somehow I made it through the next couple of hours and finally settled them into bed. Spent in every way, I flopped onto the couch and sat numb in the silence. What was that? I finally asked myself. That, in all honesty, is how some days go for me as a mother. At the end of some days, I feel like I did a pretty good job. At the end of others, I think I was just adequate, and then at the end of a few, I cry. It’s hard. When we trade in that high-dollar purse for a big, bulky though highly functional diaper bag, we need room to carry a lot more than diapers and wipes and bottles and pacies. We need room to shoulder the universal guilt of being a mom. We feel guilty if we work and are away from our children most of the day. We feel guilty if we stay at home and find it difficult, tedious, and sometimes even unfulfilling. We might also need to haul our exhaustion, our caffeine addiction, the extra weight we’ve gained from running ragged, our tears (happy and not-so-much), our embarrassment, our impossible expectations for ourselves, and sadly sometimes even our own judgment of each other. What a load! But that’s not all. We also need room for all of the awkwardly spelled love notes and the brightly colored pictures. We need a separate compartment for the tears we dry, the boo-boos we kiss, and the snapshots we cherish of them sleeping, smiling, or performing when they don’t know we’re watching. We need to tuck their wet dog smell in a side pocket to help us remember spring afternoons spent running in the sun; we want to capture their tight squeezes around the neck in a zippered pouch, and there needs to be a special canister in the side that can be filled with their laughter. I absolutely love being a mommy, and I wouldn’t trade a solitary second of my time spent with my girls. But it also often feels like a Herculean task. I find balance between the difficult and delightful in the reality that motherhood is meant to change me as much as it is meant to change my children. I find beauty in that.

Mettle by Cookie Cawthon

Cookie Cawthon is blessed to be wife to Chris, mother to Carson (6) and Campbell (3), Diet Pepsi addict, and crazy-excited greeter at NewSpring Church’s Florence campus.

19

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 19

We c a n p e r s o n a l i z e all your

Z|äx Åx à{x à{xÅx 9 \:ÄÄ àt~x vtÜx Éy à{x Üxáà Éy çÉâÜ wÜxtÅáA fÑxv|tÄ|é|Çz \ÇM •Coordinating, planning, and directing weddings & receptions. •Banquets, special events •Dinner, anniversary, and birthday parties •Health fairs/ fund raising events •Corporate events

Stitch It

& More

Kids sun hat

G. WILSON ENTERPRISES, INC. 843.665.6755

Male bags for graduation!

Tues-Fri, 10-5:30 912 S. Cashua Dr. • Florence

D r . G r i s e l d a W i l s o n, Event Coordinator & Wedding Planner (803) 437-2564 or (706)231-9879 • [email protected] Certified Wedding Director and Coordinator

Dr. Jon K. Bergrin, DC, CCN

Do you need to make some

adjustments?

Give us a call today to learn more!

Chiropractics along with Massage is Total Healing! Sherri K. Scott, LMT#4017 Our licensed massage therapist specializes in caring, nurturing, individualized massage for people with conditions that require gentle care and a comforting touch. She is also certified in cancer massages.

405 S . Ebenezer Rd • Florence • 843-662-4341 w w w. f a m i l y n e c k a n d b a c k . c o m

843. 662.4165 Mon.-Fri. 9am-5pm Sat. 9am-12pm

1512 West Palmetto St. Florence

“Home of the Weekend Neck & Chin Lift”

10% off Smart Lipo®

1:18 PM

Dr. Edward O’Dell is the only physician in the Pee Dee to offer Smart LipoTM combined with Vaser Lipo selection for superior results.

4/27/09

Let Dr. O’Dell contour your waistline, help you loose your love handles, tone your thighs and arms and rid you of that little “pooch”!

Motherhood is very rewarding but often it leaves behind a little “pooch” which dieting and exercising won’t alleviate.

20-21 Page 1

Members of the American Society for Laser Medicine & Surgery

Board Certified Edward O'Dell, M.D. FACOG Medical Director

1273 Celebration Boulevard • Florence, SC • 843.669.2220 www.genesiscosmeticlasercenter.com

Board Certified Mary Daniels, L.R.C.- C.M.A. Medical Esthetician • Laser Instructor Holding a Master Certification in Laser Technology Certified Dermatician

We Are By Far The Most Comprehensive Laser Center Of Its Kind In The Pee Dee”

We now offer

Mother’s Day Gift Certificates Available .

OUR PRODUCTS Jane Iredale Mineral Makeup Osmosis Medical Skin Care Kiss Me / Blinc Mascara SkinCeuticals Revitalash Cosmedix Remergent

1:18 PM

Clients are receiving awesome results on our OPTIFAST Weight Loss Program! Call for more details.

Fraxel (Repair & Restore) Botox S m a r t L i p o TM / V a s e r L i p o Vein Therapy Acne Therapy H y d r a F a c i a l TM Chemical Peels Cellulite Therapy Microdermabrasion Photo Rejuvenation Permanent Makeup Laser Hair Removal Restylane, Radiesse & Juvéderm

OUR SERVICES:

4/27/09

Mary Daniels, L.R.C.- C.M.A. has the MOST EXPERIENCE IN FRAXEL® LASER TECHNOLOGY in the Pee Dee.

Genesis Cosmetic Laser Center is the only one in the state to offer the latest innovation of Fraxel: repair. With it’s CO2 Laser Resurfacing, Fraxel: repair allows you to see results after only 1 treatment.

20-21 Page 2

“Home of the Weekend Neck & Chin Lift”

10% off Smart Lipo®

1:19 PM

Dr. Edward O’Dell is the only physician in the Pee Dee to offer Smart LipoTM combined with Vaser Lipo selection for superior results.

4/27/09

Let Dr. O’Dell contour your waistline, help you loose your love handles, tone your thighs and arms and rid you of that little “pooch”!

Motherhood is very rewarding but often it leaves behind a little “pooch” which dieting and exercising won’t alleviate.

20-21 Page 1

Members of the American Society for Laser Medicine & Surgery

Board Certified Edward O'Dell, M.D. FACOG Medical Director

1273 Celebration Boulevard • Florence, SC • 843.669.2220 www.genesiscosmeticlasercenter.com

Board Certified Mary Daniels, L.R.C.- C.M.A. Medical Esthetician • Laser Instructor Holding a Master Certification in Laser Technology Certified Dermatician

We Are By Far The Most Comprehensive Laser Center Of Its Kind In The Pee Dee”

We now offer

Mother’s Day Gift Certificates Available .

OUR PRODUCTS Jane Iredale Mineral Makeup Osmosis Medical Skin Care Kiss Me / Blinc Mascara SkinCeuticals Revitalash Cosmedix Remergent

1:19 PM

Clients are receiving awesome results on our OPTIFAST Weight Loss Program! Call for more details.

Fraxel (Repair & Restore) Botox S m a r t L i p o TM / V a s e r L i p o Vein Therapy Acne Therapy H y d r a F a c i a l TM Chemical Peels Cellulite Therapy Microdermabrasion Photo Rejuvenation Permanent Makeup Laser Hair Removal Restylane, Radiesse & Juvéderm

OUR SERVICES:

4/27/09

Mary Daniels, L.R.C.- C.M.A. has the MOST EXPERIENCE IN FRAXEL® LASER TECHNOLOGY in the Pee Dee.

Genesis Cosmetic Laser Center is the only one in the state to offer the latest innovation of Fraxel: repair. With it’s CO2 Laser Resurfacing, Fraxel: repair allows you to see results after only 1 treatment.

20-21 Page 2

22

4/24/09

10:47 AM

Page 1

THE BENEFITS OF FOR THE

Masssge

Mom-to-Be

by Katie Edwards, L.M.T.,The Spa at McLeod Over the course of the last decade, prenatal massage has risen in popularity. A recent trend toward a heightened level of wellness has created more of an awareness of alternative options that can be used in conjunction with traditional medicine in the childbirth experience. An increasing number of physicians, nurses, midwives, childbirth educators and women are discovering the many therapeutic benefits of massage therapy for the pregnant woman. Over the course of the pregnancy, the mom-to-be experiences many physical and emotional changes such as weight gain, posture shift and changing hormone levels. Along with the joys and expectations of impending motherhood, physical discomfort ranging from muscle tension to headaches can impact pregnancy in a negative way. Prenatal massage takes into consideration all of the less desirable “side effects” of pregnancy and focuses on the special needs of the pregnant body. Licensed massage therapists who are experienced in prenatal massage use techniques that are both safe and effective. When receiving a prenatal massage, it is common for the mom-to-be to lay on her side during the session. Special pregnancy body pillows can also be used. And, the massage table can be repositioned to be semi-reclined. Pillows and bolsters are provided to ensure the comfort of the client. Perhaps the single most beneficial aspect of prenatal massage is the ability of a trained massage therapist to soothe the body’s tension and dissolve stress through a pampering experience. Simply by taking the time to have a massage during pregnancy can be an emotionally uplifting experience. The soothing and serene environment coupled with therapeutic massage therapy allows pregnant moms to relax and feel comforted during this period of increased physical discomfort and emotional stress. On the more practical side, prenatal massage aids in the relief of several physical and emotional ailments that accompany pregnancy. Backaches, headaches, shoulder and neck pain resulting from muscle tension, stress on the weight-bearing joints caused by increased weight gain, and a shift in posture can all be alleviated through massage. is reduced through massage. The techniques used by the massage therapist also help improve skin elasticity thereby reducing stretch marks. The overall experience of massage and human touch results in a balancing of hormone levels and decreased anxiety. Additional benefits of prenatal massage include increased circulation, improved digestion resulting in less heartburn, reduction of swelling in the hands and feet, and relief from fatigue. While prenatal massage can be extremely beneficial, some contraindications do exist. One thing to keep in mind is that it is recommended that prenatal massages should begin after the first trimester allowing for the greatest hormonal and physical changes to have taken place. Also, the increased circulation promoted by the massage could add to existing morning sickness during the first trimester. Women with diabetes or high blood pressure should also check with their physician prior to receiving a prenatal massage. Lastly, if a mom-to-be is experiencing any unusual pain or abdominal pain she should not have a prenatal massage. Another positive argument for prenatal massage is that the benefits can also be transferred to the baby. A reduced stress level of the mother nurtures the baby and promotes healthier in-utero development. When the mother receives a massage, her body is naturally releasing endorphins (“feel good” hormones) which then cross over the placenta and ultimately sooth the baby. In addition to massage therapy being beneficial during pregnancy, it can also play a therapeutic role after childbirth. Postpartum massage can assist in: • restoring the new mother’s body to its pre-pregnancy condition • restoring the abdominal muscle wall and the uterus back to their normal state to tone the stretched skin over the belly • help in muscle tension and stress that can come from new motherhood • alleviate postpartum blues through the trained and caring touch of a massage therapist thereby giving the new mom a rejuvenated feeling. When the new mom is able to leave the treatment room refreshed, it is then easier for her to meet the needs of new motherhood. When deciding if prenatal massage therapy is right for you, it is important to Katie Edwards is a licensed massage therapist and director of The Spa at McLeod, located at the McLeod Health and Fitness Center. Katie has been an employee of the McLeod Health and Fitness Center for more than 10 years.

consider all the proven benefits. It is also always good to check with your physician prior to receiving a prenatal massage. A crucial thing to remember is that you should never experience any pain during a prenatal massage; if you do, tell your therapist, and the service should end immediately. It is up to the individual as to the frequency of receiving prenatal massages; however, it can be anywhere from once a week to once a month. Remember, just because your body is undergoing all of the “side effects” associated with pregnancy, you can still counteract some of the discomforts with therapeutic prenatal massage therapy.

23

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 23

LEGS ready for SUMMER ?

Are your

Treat those unsightly Varicose and Spider Veins • Endovenous Laser Ablation (EVLT) • Sclerotherapy • Ultrasound Guided Medical Sclerotherapy

Now available at

Members of the American Society for Laser Medicine & Surgery

FREE CONSULTATION! 1273 Celebration Boulevard • Florence 843.669.2220 www.genesiscosmeticlasercenter.com

Mary Beth Lewis, MD Board Certified Interventional Radiology & Vascular Specialist Florence Radiological Associates

24-25

4/24/09

10:23 AM

Page 1

We Love You, Mom

Heather and Mom, Cathy

Sarah and Mom, Rankin

Macaira and Mom, Barbara

“Her children arise up, and call her blessed...” Proverbs 31:28 KJV

24-25

4/24/09

10:24 AM

Page 2

Happy Mother’s Day!

Lane and Mom, Liz

Morgan and Mom, Cindy Cynthia and Mom, Mary Dean

Photos by Collin M. Smith

CYNTHIA ladies fine apparel and shoes

Shops of 7 Oaks • Hoffmeyer Road • Florence • Mon-Sat 10-6 843.665.7669 (apparel) • 843.661.7474 (shoes)

26

4/22/09

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the toughest job you’ll ever love by Allie Atkinson “Motherly love is not much use if it expresses itself only as a warm gush of emotion, delicately tinged with pink. It must also be strong, guiding and unselfish . . . . True mothers have to be made of steel to withstand the difficulties that are sure to beset their children.” - Rachel Billington

i’m

about to tell you something that you already know – motherhood is not for the faint of heart. It’s not for wimps or sissies. In fact, motherhood is hard! Like our Peace Corps, it’s “the toughest job you’ll ever love.” Unlike the Peace Corps, you cannot take an early retirement. In fact, there is no retirement in motherhood. Once you enlist, you’re in it for life. So many aspects of motherhood are difficult that it’s almost impossible to select one on which to focus. But, here’s one for you. How about when you have to do things that you know are going to be uncomfortable – or perhaps even painful – in the best interest of your child. Inevitably, you end up telling little white lies to shield them from what’s coming, and I hate to lie to my child. Let me give you a for-instance so you know where I’m coming from. Yesterday afternoon, I took my daughter to the orthodontist for the first time. (She’s seven.) We’ve known that this visit was forthcoming since she got her very first tooth. She was understandably concerned and anxious about what would occur. I was pretty relaxed since I went through orthodontics twice and I’m familiar with most of what she will endure. Besides, since she is pretty much the spitting image of me, I had a good idea that she would have a lot of the same things done that I did. So, what’s the problem? Why did we end up beginning so early? It seems that my daughter has the tiniest mouth in the history of mankind. I know! It’s shocking to those of you who know her; but, physically, her mouth is really small. There isn’t enough room in her mouth for all of her teeth to

come in – severe overcrowding. But, I had the same problem – so again, no worries. We get there and they begin to explain the numerous problems that exist and how we really need to begin as soon as possible. First, she has to have a baby tooth pulled in order to make room for one of her molars. I’m terrified by this prospect. Again, I know from whence I speak. I had to have many teeth pulled prior to getting my braces on the first time (many, as in four-in-aday many). I don’t remember the procedure being particularly pleasant. I had fillings and other dental work done prior to that, so I was at least minimally aware of what the procedure would be like (you know, the shots, etc.). My child has had nothing done except for semiannual cleanings – and she doesn’t enjoy those. So, I’m faced with the prospect of having to take my little girl to have this tooth removed, knowing that they are going to give her shots in her mouth to prevent her from feeling it. But what about the shots? They hurt! I don’t care how much numbing cream they put on the gum, you can still feel that needle! Long-story-short, I’m scared of taking her for this procedure. I’m the one who will have to do it because – and I don’t know why, but – that’s part of the job description of “Mother.” I’m sure my husband would take her if I asked him to, but I couldn’t let him. Why is that? Why do we, as mothers, have to be there when our children are going to be in pain? It’s an instinct and impulse deep within me that I cannot fight. It’s simple; if my child is going through something difficult

or scary or painful, I have to be there for her. My concern is that I also have what I call the “Mama Bear Instinct.” It causes me to want to protect my “cub” from harm and danger and to react – even physically – if need be. It surfaced for the first time when she was about a month old. We were on one of our very first outings after her birth. I strapped her carefully into her car seat and drove much slower than I had ever before (or ever have since) to wherever it was that I was going. On the way home, a car cut me off and came into my lane, risking the life of my precious, fragile infant. A rage that I had never known welled up within me and if I could have reached the driver of the other car, I probably could have killed them with my bare (bear) hands. I know you other mothers know exactly the feeling that I felt because it’s natural, instinctive; but, it scared me. It scares me now that I might have the same reaction if someone is giving my child a shot in her mouth (or some other hurtful thing). That rage might resurface. So, I’ve vented now. I always feel better after sharing my problems and concerns with my “friends.” It helps to know that each of you go through the same feelings and difficulties that I do. Please pray for my daughter as she begins this lengthy process. She’s going to have to be braver than she has ever been before and she only knows a small portion of all the things to come. Please pray also for me – that I will have the strength and courage to help her to endure what I know she must. I know that we are only talking dentistry and orthodontics, but these things, like everything, are metaphors for life. We take on each new challenge as it comes with the attempt to rise to the occasion and meet it with strength, courage, perseverance and grace – and peace. May God be with you in your motherhood journey both today and always. May He be with us all.

Allie Atkinson is a French teacher at Marion High School. She lives in Marion with her husband, Philip, and daughter, Abbie.

4/22/09

11:06 AM

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 27

PLASTIC AND RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY OF THE HEAD & NECK

1641 W. Palmetto ST. Florence, SC M-F 10am-6pm SAT 10am-5pm 843.669.8062

M

27

th 6 ay Book Signing Join us for a

May 6th

11am until 4pm . Hal Creel , a florence native will be sharing his book,

feel beautiful

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th 7 y a M

Offering a variety of procedures& treatments to combat the signs of aging.

Trunk Show Jewelry by Beth Wicker May 7th 11am until 4pm

Join us for a

Carolina Facial Plastic Surgery, P.A.

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Carla C. Graham, M.D., F.A.C.S.

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Celeste Young, Licensed Esthetician 492 WEST CHEVES ST. • FLORENCE • 665-0400

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Eric Lost 53 pounds & 43 inches. 700 South Parker Dr. Suite 4 • Florence In the Bi-Lo parking lot

843-667-1120 F r e e Consultation. Mon-Fri 8:00-6:30

*Special based on a full service 16 week Physicians Fast program. Required nutritional supplements & medical fees, if any, at regular low prices. Results may vary. An independent physician is in the Center a minimum of one evening a week. 2008 Physicians WEIGHT LOSS centers of America, Inc®. Akron, OH 44333. All Rights Reserved. A Health Management Group TM company.

Since starting Physicians Weight Loss Centers, I have lost over 53 pounds and 43 inches. I am no longer battling with high blood pressure. I have enjoyed how nice the staff at Physicians Weight Loss Centers has been to me especially Dale and Debbie. Since losing the weight it has been easier to perform my job with the Florence County Sheriffs Office. I believe if I can lose weight with my stressful job and eating on the go all the time anybody can lose weight with Physicians Weight Loss Centers. -Eric Barnes, Florence

Before

28

4/27/09

10:54 AM

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What is one truth about Motherhood that you wish someone had told you before becoming a mom?

“I wish someone had told me that motherhood is a 24/7 job. A mother never stops being a mother, but it is the most rewarding job I have ever had and I wouldn’t trade the experience for any other. Children are truly gifts from God – and so are the grandchildren.”

Jeanette Rogers Marion

“I always heard about those eyes in the back of a mother’s head; I just never realized how clear their vision was!”

“I wish someone had told me that no matter how old your children get, you never quit worrying about them!”

Alger Holloman Florence

Lisa Anderson Timmonsville

“Your life will be radically different, but you will be supremely okay with that.”

Lenora Lefew Hartsville

“I wish someone had told me how tough being a stepmom can be. Building that relationship can be hard, but it’s totally worth it.”

Windy Sitton Florence

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4/24/09

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 29

BASEBALL

American Legion Field 340 S. Stadium Dr. • 843-629-0700 (Past the Florence Airport on E. Palmetto St.)

Opening Night- May 28th Florence RedWolves vs. Fayetteville Swampdogs- 7:30pm SC National Guard Magnet Schedule giveaway to the first 750 fans Patriotic Parachute Team 6:45PM and Fireworks after the Game Sponsored by Pee Dee Tourism/Convention & Visitors Bureau

• • • • • •

MENU Fried Chicken Pita Burgers Greek Specialty Iems Seafood Dinner Salad Soups

TUE. College Day MON. & WED. Healthcare Day

10% o ff with ID!

Upcoming Events May 26- Fan Night Come out and meet the new Red Wolves players and coaches from 6-8pm

May 30 – vs. THOMASVILLE 7:30PM Moseley Inflatables Little League Night. $1 General Admission for Players & Coaches in Uniform. Inflatables from 6-8pm

June 3 – vs. CATAWBA VALLEY 7:30PM Exhibition Game June 4 – vs. COLUMBIA 7:30PM Eagle 92.9 $1 Coke/Bud Night w/ Wing Specials

Group Discounts & Birthday Party Plans Available!

Ticket Prices $ 6 Box Seats 5 General Admission $ 4 Youth (under 10) Senior (60+) $ 3 Military Discount with ID

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Page 1

Her Secret

Hope

BY MARTI MILLER

"Youth fades; love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; a mother's secret hope outlives them all." Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894) I recently had the privilege of spending almost a week alone with my mother – just the two of us - laughing and talking and sharing memories and opinions (fine, mom, I’ll consider letting my hair go white like my sisters – but it’s much more fun being the baby when you actually look like you still might be). Usually, my two oldest sisters share the gentle caring of our mother that allows her to continue living independently. They make a great team, and I am grateful every day for them. Fortunately for me, their calendars crossed and another sister and I each got a week to be alone with our mother.When five sisters share a rather small home (and one mother), cozy isn’t exactly the first word that comes to mind to describe the experience – but our relationships have become increasingly warm as we age (and live in separate homes, in separate states). The woman I shared time with has been my mother for 55 years this month, and I’m still not sure I know her all that well. One would think I might understand her a little better now that I have had almost 26 years to practice motherhood myself, but I never lived through the Depression or World War II rationing with a husband in the Navy and two daughters at home under five. And I didn’t move in with my in-laws right after the wedding to care for a dying mother-in-law without knowing the first thing about cooking or housekeeping. And the reason she didn’t know the first thing about either is because she grew up in hotels. Her parents managed or owned them until their deaths. She even survived a devastating hotel fire when she was a young girl – the memories still remain fresh in her mind. I didn’t spend a year in New York City studying fashion design after high school. She made all of our clothes (even for my Barbie dolls). I never learned to sew or knit or crochet like she did (I struggled mightily for that D in Home Economics, okay?). The sheer number of relationships accumulated in her life is much more than I could ever imagine (late bloomer syndrome?): she has 21 great-grandchildren (and three more on the way this summer), 21 grandchildren (with 13 spouses among them), five daughters (and four living sons-in-law), one lifetime marriage, and, as of this year, 90 birthdays celebrated (well, we still celebrate them – she mostly just tolerates them). Like the words of Oliver Wendell Holmes suggest, her youth faded long ago (but definitely not her mind), her one love has left this world behind (we still miss you, dad), most of her friends are gone too (she laughs about her unbreakable habit of reading the obituaries, knowing she’s pretty much run out of names), but the big question mark for me comes at the end of that quote. What is my mother’s secret hope, after all? For as long as I can remember, when asked what she might like for a birthday or Christmas or the dreaded Mother’s Day celebration, her only stated hope was for “peace and quiet”.Try being ten years old and riding your bike downtown searching all afternoon for that little gift item. Hey, wait a minute. I just realized how she got her peace and quiet! Pretty tricky there, mom – but I’m on to you now! And that couldn’t possibly have been her true secret hope – she kept asking for it out loud at every possible opportunity. It was definitely no secret. Maybe if I rewind some of the family history tapes a little I’ll be able to find the right clues for solving the secret hope mystery? One of my earliest memories of my mother was watching her cut out sewing patterns on our dining room table, with straight pins tucked between her lips. I can still hear the sound of pinking shears cutting through pinned paper and fabric.This, of course, brings up one of my later, more shameful teenaged memories of whining for a dress from an actual shop – one with a tag hanging from the sleeve – one that six other girls would be wearing too. What a brat. Maybe her secret hope then was for a more appreciative child? Another vivid mother memory is from November 1963. I was nine years old, watching a little boy salute his father’s flagdraped coffin on TV and noticed that my mother was sitting very still with quiet tears falling freely from her face to her lap where her hands rested, clasped together tightly, like she was praying.

Prayer I had seen every day, but never before had I seen my mother crying like that. I hoped never to again. And, so far, I have not. Still, no secret hope has unfolded in this memory – I’m not sure if she was crying for the child, his father, our country, or maybe all three. Come to think of it, we never really gave her all that much to cry about – at least from my own selfish perspective. At any rate, that was the only time I remember actually witnessing such a flow of tears. I feel for sure that she cried after my sister told her about her breast cancer diagnosis, and again when the treatments were successful, but I never actually saw it. One other memory of my mother is rather recent. It happened nearly three years ago at the hospice house, shortly after the nurses confirmed that my husband had died.The only person I wanted to talk with at that moment was my mother.Thank God for cell phones and quiet corners. When I heard her voice, somehow I knew that life would still go on. After telling her that her son-in-law was gone, I remember thanking her for the example she set – the one that allowed me to breathe again because I had children to consider. Maybe this memory is the one that holds the secret hope answer? I’m guessing that every mother’s secret hope is pretty much the same. It’s the one where we hope for our children to grow into life and become who they are meant to be. And we hope that they will remember us and think fondly over their memories, even as youth fades and love droops and the leaves of friendships fall away. Yes, a mother’s secret hope does outlive it all. But, mom, I’m just not ready to stop coloring my hair. Sorry. And about that perpetual peace and quiet request…just forget it. I secretly hope you’ll be surrounded by family noise for many more birthdays.

Marti Miller lives in Marion, SC with two dogs and a cat and secretly hopes her children will remember her fondly too one day…and grandchildren wouldn’t be too bad either, when they’re ready.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 31

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 33

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4/24/09

12:58 PM

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UN-Motherhood

The Joys & Heartaches of Being Childless in a Family-Filled World by Rebecca J. Blair

B

Before I get too far into this delicate subject, I feel that it is only fair to disclose that my husband and I do not have children. For most of my life, I was adamant in my decision that I did not wish to have children. Early in our marriage, we went through an unsuccessful pregnancy and were advised that it would be best for my health not to have children; however, perhaps due to that old proverbial biological clock, we have recently begun to seriously rethink giving it another try. As such, it is my heart’s desire to fully represent those couples who have decided not to have children, as well as those who are unable to have children but long to do so. One thing I’ve learned is that most people expect a married woman in her mid-30s to be a mother. It’s one of those things that most people take for granted; it’s a given. You are married; therefore, you have children. Typically (at least in my experience), when one learns that you do not have children, a sad, wistful and sometimes pitying look tends to follow because we all have our assumptions. We all come from various backgrounds and life experiences and, based on these, we tend to put people in a little mental box. It is often assumed that you are devastated at your inability to have children and this is certainly so for many men and women. Many couples, however, are perfectly fine with their childlessness. In Biblical times, the failure to have children was seen as an indication of God’s disfavor. It was a disgrace to be infertile and customs were in place to ensure that particularly male heirs would be produced. Often, this meant that a man would have relations with his maidservant if his wife was barren, as in the case of Sarah and Abraham. In our day, there are some folks who believe that your decision to forgo parenthood is based on a dislike for children or perhaps even a flaw in your character. Something must be missing, they think, for you not to willingly participate in procreation. In other words, something must be desperately wrong at the core for a person to make a conscious decision to remain childless. Let’s debunk that myth right away. Obviously, human beings are meant to procreate or we would have died out long ago. Just as obvious is the fact that some of us, for whatever reason, have been passed over for reproduction. Certainly, there are people who do not find children and their needs as endearing as others, but I believe that you will find that the majority of childless couples do, indeed, like children very much. (Especially those that you can send home when the fun starts to wear off!) Oftentimes, these couples are wonderful aunts and uncles. They may volunteer to work with youth. They can adopt “spiritual children” into whom they can pour their wisdom and knowledge and many people do take advantage of the freedoms that childlessness allows in order to minister to other people’s children. These couples often lead very fulfilling

lives and although they may wish that they had birthed their own children, the joy of having shaped a life is no less real. I have written previously about how I see my “un-motherhood” as the major dividing line between myself and others my age. It’s a state that sets you apart from the general population, for better or worse. There seems to be an attitude amongst many of the marrieds-with-children that we childless couples live “The Life of Reilly,” without a care or responsibility in the world. The assumption is that we have limitless time on our hands and energy and resources abound as they are not being drained by children. They assume that we don’t know what true sacrifice really is – and maybe they’re right. But whether or not you have a child does not quantify who you are. This is so important for those men and women who are unable to have children despite their immense desire to be parents. It’s easy to become embittered and even angry with God when circumstances find you childless. There are many people who have always wanted a family and are heartbroken when this dream does not materialize into reality. The pain of feeling that you have missed out in this area of life can be overwhelming and discouraging. Couples pour thousands of dollars into fertility treatments that may not work (or may work too well, resulting in multiple-birth pregnancies), all in the hopes that they will be able to fill the void that their childlessness has created. If you are a person without children – either by choice or by chance – I urge you to hold your head high and not apologize for your lot in life or become mired in discouragement. The Bible tells us in Isaiah and again in Galatians, “Be glad, O barren woman, who bears no children; break forth and cry aloud, you who have no labor pains because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband” (Galatians 4:27). I hope you will find peace in your heart about your childless state and that peace will allow you to discover what it is you are called to do with your life.

Rebecca J. Blair manages the counseling office of Janet R. Sims, P.A., in Florence. She lives in Lake City with her husband, Michael, their three dogs and a cockatiel. Connect with her on Facebook or follow her on Twitter.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 35

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Behold

Nag Queen THE

B

efore I was a mother, I used to be an interesting person. Now, quite frankly, I’m just not. I bore myself most of the time, so I know I’m boring to other people as well, especially to my kids and husband. I’ve become a nag, and I truly wish I wasn’t. I just have the job of worrying about all the stuff that nobody else thinks needs worrying about in the first place. I didn’t worry about that stuff back in my carefree pre-mom and pre-marriage days. My four major food groups were skittles, black coffee, cigarettes and extrastrength Excedrin. I could make a meal off a can of Leseur peas and ketchup, and I didn’t even own a dishwasher, so I didn’t have to worry about emptying one. I lived with relatively clean roommates, and even if none of us were perfect about cleaning up all the time, it was never assumed that I had the job of picking up after anybody. When I did have enough money to grocery shop, I could buy only what I liked and then take a flying leap and hop on the back of the cart on my way to the parking lot, riding it all the way to my car without stopping. No one was watching, so I didn’t have to worry about setting a bad example. When it snowed I could grab a trashcan lid and careen down a hill into traffic, not really caring about hurting myself because I didn’t have anyone to take care of but myself, and I was confident I could do that no matter what. I was fearless and cocky and cool and hip and never, ever worried about eating in the den or having to replace the toilet paper on the roll or wonder when was the last time I ingested something green (other than green skittles). Nagging first reared its ugly head in my life once I had my first child. I felt pretty overwhelmed nursing and changing diapers and staying on that all important schedule so that Morgan would have a good day. For the first time in my life I needed help, because I had someone to take care of that couldn’t take care of herself. Taking care of the house and the bills and the meals and the clothes were suddenly becoming harder and harder, so I needed help from Pat, but during those years he was building his practice and didn’t have much time to give me, although he would help me out occasionally. After my second child and as the girls got older, I gave them their own responsibilities, and that was to help both them and me, but that is when nagging became my primary form of communication. And when I finally decided to try to make my house pretty, nagging became my raison d’etre. When the alarm goes off at 5:00 am, my nagging day begins. It is my job to nag everyone awake, to nag them about their chores before they leave, and to nag them to leave the house properly—with a jacket, with homework all completed and signed and in the proper folder, and with their IDs around their necks. It’s my job to nag them to hurry up so we won’t make the other members of the carpool late. Once they get home it’s my job to nag them about walking the dog and getting their homework done and not ruining their suppers and not wiping their hands on the furniture instead of napkins and taking showers in a timely manner and getting to bed early enough so that I won’t have to nag them about getting up the next day. Yeah, right, like that’s ever going to happen. They say they hate my nagging, and I don’t doubt it, because I really, really hate it myself. But no one ever seems to do the thing I’ve asked them to do consistently and without being reminded. To be fair, sometimes they do, but never enough where I can just forget about it, like it’s not my problem. It is always my problem, so I nag until it gets done. See, the real crux of the dilemma here is when things fall apart because no one remembers or cares to do what I’ve nagged them to do, then the conSandra Honaker lives in Marion with the primary objects of her nagging, her husband Pat and her daughters Morgan and Alex, all of whom she truly loves but she just wishes they would do what she said the first time she said it! Sigh.

by Sandra Honaker

sequences are my problem. If they don’t put their clothes in the hamper so I can wash them, then I’m the one that has to run an emergency load to get their uniforms ready for the next day. If they are cold because they forgot to wear a jacket, I’m the one that has to endure their whining or bad temper. If they come to school late because they don’t get themselves up in time, I’m the one that has to sign them in and possibly get in trouble with the truant officer (we’ve never gone that far, largely due to my nagging). If they don’t make the honor roll because they forgot to turn in their homework, I’m the one that has to dry their tears. I’m the one that has to take them to the doctor if they are unhealthy, so it is my job to help them stay healthy by nagging them to eat properly and exercise regularly. So it’s easier just to prevent all this by nagging. As far as the dark side of motherhood goes, I guess this problem with nagging is not such a big deal. It’s small stuff, really. I just wish they would care enough about this small stuff to just do it, so I wouldn’t have to care anymore. Then I could go back to being an interesting person gain.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 37

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4/23/09

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Going somewhere? Don’t forget take

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Carole Anne Spohn January 2009 She Magazine “I took my She Magazine to the Presidential Inauguration in Washington, DC, on January 20th, 2009. With all the crowds, I had to be up early to get to the events; so, it was great to have She to read and pass the time.”

Brenda Newsome February 2009 She Magazine “Newsome Travel hosted a trip to Ireland in February 2009. This is the group in front of Dromoland Castle. Notice that it was quite windy, but I held on to my She Magazine.”

Brenda Henderson & Lisa Nolan February 2009 She Magazine “We took our She Magazine on a mission trip to Honduras, Central America. God really blessed our 64-member team. We left our She for other missionaries to enjoy.” - BRENDA HENDERSON & LISA NOLAN, MARION

Celia McLaughlin Urquhart March 2009 She Magazine “She Magazine made it all the way to Washington, DC and behind the desk of US Senator Lindsey O. Graham (R-SC) on Capitol Hill!”

To be featured in “There She Goes,” send an e-mail to [email protected]. Include a picture of yourself (friends welcome!) with a copy of She Magazine along with a brief description.

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4/28/09

9:05 AM

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shop talk

with DAVID BECK

Pattycakes Children’s Boutique and Fine Consignments in Florence

ABOUT US: Pattycakes Children’s Boutique and Fine Consignments is celebrating its 10th year of business. Pattycakes opened in 1998 in a small 1100 square-foot unit in Huntington Plaza. We expanded to 3400 square feet in May of 2003. WE CARRY: (Clothing): Bailey Boys • Chabre • Rosalina • Kissy Kissy • Glorimont • Mulberry Street • Feltman Bros • Carriage Boutique • Bailey Babies • Baby Luigi (Shoes): Lamour • Angel • Itzy Bitzy WHAT MAKES US UNIQUE:

Pattycakes Children’s Boutique and Fine Consignments offers a diverse and memorable selection of outfits and items with a heavy emphasis on style and variety. We are the only children’s clothing store in the Pee Dee area that features both Boutique Outfits and Consignment Outfits. Of course, we offer much more than just clothes; we also carry shoes, hairbows, gifts, socks, tights, etc. Pattycakes is Florence’s only distributor of The Bailey Boys, Inc., a classic and traditional brother-sister appliqué line. It consists of fashionable and luxurious, yet durable, fine fabrics from around the world. We also have the largest hairbow selection in the area. At any given time, you’ll find over 1200 hairbows in different sizes, colors and prints.

FUTURE PLANS: Pattycakes Children’s Boutique and Fine Consignments has two big events scheduled for 2009. First, we will be adding Pattycakes Studio Photography, which will offer affordable and classic portrait photography. Second, we are going online. Our shoppers will be able to view and purchase our complete boutique inventory via the Internet. FIND US: Pattycakes Children’s Boutique and Fine Consignments is located at 804 Second Loop Road in Huntington Plaza in Florence. Our hours are Monday through Saturday, 10 AM to 6 PM. The phone number is 843-662-2448. Please visit our website at shoppattycakes.com or our Facebook website, facebook.shoppattycakes.com.

David Beck, a singer/songwriter/ guitarist for twenty-plus years and a Coastal Carolina University graduate, has a six-year-old son, Ryan.

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4/23/09

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Motherhood: what i LEARNED from my SONS

by Janet R. Sims, LPC

HAVE

Have you ever been the only female in a group of men and boys and overheard them talking about movies they enjoy such as Braveheart, Gladiator, Star Wars and Hercules? Their eyes light up as their voices become louder and louder over the gory details of the battle. Having grown up in a home with all sisters, this was a whole new world for me. Now, as a mother of three sons, I have joined in adventures I never imagined were in store for me. All boys need to have opportunities for the journey into new territory. They seem to be drawn to danger and wildness, which appear to be written in the soul of a man. I’ve been dragged along on camping trips to a sandbar in the river where we set lines for catfish in the day. Then, at night, we went out with our flashlights to pull up catches, sometimes as big as forty pounds. In the meantime, the boys hunted for snakes, lizards and forbidden alligators, while I sat on the sidelines and observed. When they were younger and I would send the boys out for the day, I usually wouldn’t see them reappear until nightfall, unless a special meal was awaiting them. They would come home covered in mud, cuts, bruises and the tales of the adventures of their day. Oh, the stories we would hear at the kitchen table – who beat who in what, who got in fights, who got caught in trouble. My youngest son was famous for locating any hurt or abandoned creature and bringing it home. One of his special treats was the hognose snake he befriended. He was supposed to keep it in a cage but would take it out and play with it from time to time. One afternoon, he fell asleep with the snake on his chest and when he woke up, the snake had crawled off. He threw the whole house into an uproar searching for his pet. Finally, I opened the door of the pantry and it hissed right in my face. I screamed, which seemed to be the reaction the boys expected from a female. He raced to my rescue, grabbed the snake and locked it back in its cage. (He loves the part of the story where he got to play the hero.)

Another thing I learned about the masculine gender from my sons was their need to be powerful. In all boys and men, there is a need to know that they have what it takes to fight the big fight. For my boys, this often took place on the soccer field or basketball court, in karate, hunting or fishing. For these boys, aggression had to have a place to play itself out. Each of them found areas they felt they excelled in and I learned to cheer them on without embarrassing them with a motherly kiss on the cheek in front of their comrades. Two of my sons were ecstatic when they came home having killed their first deer. My husband took pictures with the blood of the animal on their faces and the thrill of the kill in their eyes. Once again, they sensed having conquered another creature and experienced a sense of power. This becomes a part of an initiation into the throes of manhood. Of course, being a part of the female gender, all I could think about was if the poor deer had a family he left behind in the woods somewhere. My husband and sons were entertained by my reaction. The last task of boys growing into men is to have a beauty to rescue. It begins with sons in their loyalty and protectiveness of their mother as she is the first important woman in their life. On many occasions, I have witnessed my sons singularly or jointly defend me from comments, stress or hurts from the outside world. My three sons have all been very affectionate and verbal about their love for me, both as young boys and now as young men. My oldest son is now married and the other two are freshmen in college. They have cared about the special girls in their young lives and I have had to step back at times to let them go. As hard as it is, I feel a special sense of pride as I witness my sons show care and protection over the significant females in their lives. I realize, once again, this is part of their transformation into manhood.

I wouldn’t trade the fun adventures I have had the privilege of joining in through the invitation of these three awesome young men for anything. My daughter has also joined her brothers at times and learned much from them about the male species and how they work. So, the next time your little boy comes into your kitchen and drops a lizard on your freshly-mopped floor, just smile and give him a big hug, as he is stepping up to answer God’s whisper to his masculine calling. He needs a mother who can affirm, “Yes, my dear boy, you most certainly have what it takes.” “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth” (Psalm 127:3-4).

Janet R. Sims is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. She is the proud mother of three sons and a daughter. She and her husband, Russ, live in Florence.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 43

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Exploring Hormone YTHS

M

H o r m o n e M y t h s abound and misunderstandings permeate the media. After the Women’s Health Initiative (WHI) study, half the women stopped taking hormones. What are the facts? Every woman’s health book says something different and newspapers sell when the information is scary. No wonder women are confused. In this article, I hope to address some of the questions I get from patients every day and shed some light on what has been a confusing area for many women. by J. Marshall Dent, III, MD • Myth #1: “Hormones make you fat.” • Fact: Taking hormones does not cause weight gain; hormone imbalance does. • Basis: The concept of balance is to maintain a similar ratio of hormones that was present prior to menopause. This doesn’t mean the same concentration; the ratio is the key concept. When one goes through menopause and is on estrogen only, this leads to an imbalance of estrogen to progesterone, which contributes to the deposition of fat around the hips and abdomen. • Take-Home Message: The increase in estrogen has effects on the thyroid function and on insulin resistance. The thyroid has a profound impact on our metabolic function. As we age, the metabolic rate slows; so, the addition of thyroid dysfunction only makes the problem worse. Plus, the more our bodies are resistant to insulin, the more insulin is circulating prior to and after a meal. Insulin, an anabolic hormone, greatly contributes to weight gain.

Myth #2: “Estrogen causes breast cancer.” • Fact: The estrogen-only arm of the WHI showed no increased risk of breast cancer. • Basis: The Women’s Health Initiative (WHI) showed an increased risk of breast cancer in women who took a combination of Premarin and Provera, known by the product name, Prempro. The other arm that consisted of Premarin only showed no increased risk of breast cancer compared to the non-hormone users. The factor seems to be the Provera (a synthetic hormone that is very much stronger than the body’s own natural progesterone) used in Prempro. This creates an imbalance in the two hormones that seems to predispose the breast to changes that may lead to cancer. A European study looked at estrogen with natural-versus-synthetic progesterone; it showed no increased risk in the natural progesterone arm with a twofold increased risk in the synthetic progesterone arm. • Take-Home Message: Avoid synthetic progesterone until it is proven safe.

Myth #3: “Testosterone is a hormone for men only. If a woman takes it, she will have hair growth and a deeper voice.” • Fact: Testosterone is found in women, as well as men. • Basis: Testosterone is produced by the ovary and adrenal glands of women. The levels drop slowly at menopause and continue to decline with aging. The levels will drop by 50% after the ovaries are removed. This hormone has many benefits but must be used in a low dose and it must be balanced to prevent side effects. One way to prevents peaks of the hormone is to use long-acting, time-released testosterone pellets. The effects of testosterone are improvement in mood, sexual desire, energy and sense of well-being. The bone benefits are as good as any drug we have on the market today to treat osteoporosis. If you are considering testosterone, use the bio-identical form because the synthetic form (methyltestosterone) is prone to cause unwanted side effects. The benefits of this hormone are potentially great, but it must be used by someone who has a lot of experience with dosage and balance to achieve the desired benefit. • Take-Home Message: Don’t be afraid of the same hormone your body

produces because the benefits may be tremendous.

Myth #4:

“Estrogen will increase a woman’s risk of a heart attack.” • Fact: Estrogen is a vasodilator and can have a beneficial effect on the heart. • Basis: In animal and human studies, estrogen was shown to increase the blood flow through the coronary arteries. When synthetic progesterone is added, this effect is lost. The Heart and Estrogen/Progestin Replacement Study (HERS) looked at women with previous heart attacks and gave them Prempro. After the first year, the incidence of heart attacks was doubled. The Postmenopausal Estrogen and Progestin Intervention (PEPI) Trials in 1999 showed that progestin like that found in Prempro reduced the ben-

eficial effects of estrogen on a number of heart disease risk factors such as cholesterol levels, blood vessel wall “elasticity” and fibrinogen levels. The natural progesterone used in the trial, Promethium, had no adverse effects on lipids or cardiovascular parameters. • Take Home Message: If you have heart disease or risk factors for a heart attack, avoid synthetic progestin. • Myth #5: “Once you start hormones, it’s hard to get off.” • Fact: Estrogen is like any drug; you may have withdrawal symptoms if you stop it suddenly. • Basis: I try to use the lowest amount of estrogen in my patients that will treat their symptoms. Oftentimes, I see patients that are referred to me who are on high doses of estrogen and when they reduce the dose, they have terrible hot flashes. The way to taper off is to add natural progesterone and slowly reduce the dose once the progesterone is in the body. I prefer to uses patches because the dose can slowly be lowered until they are off or until hot flashes re-occur. • Take-Home Message: I find most women don’t need estrogen; however, if they do, it may be only a small amount, two to three times a week. The newer estrogen creams, lotions and mists are very low-dose and very useful when withdrawing someone off estrogen. The other problem with high-dose estrogen is the higher the dose, the less the patient responds because the estrogen receptors are saturated.

Myth #6: “Vaginal dryness should be treated with a lubricant.” • Fact: Vaginal dryness is a symptom of a greater problem and the lubricant is only treating one of the symptoms. • Basis: Vaginal dryness, a symptom of the lack of blood flow to the vaginal tissue, will occur in most women of menopausal age. This lack of blood flow affects the bladder and urethra, as well as the vagina. The bladder is affected by an increased risk of bladder infections, as well as irritability. The urethra will become smaller and lead to symptoms of burning and sometimes has to be dilated when it becomes stenotic. The lack of blood flow also affects sensation, which can lead to sexual dysfunction. I encourage all my patients to use estrogen and, sometimes, testosterone to keep the vaginal tissue healthy. • Take-Home Message: Don’t forget to treat the vagina; it will save you a lot of doctors’ visits for urinary tract infections and vaginal discharges. Myth #7: “Estrogen causes blood clots.” • Fact: Estrogen is thrombogenic, but this risk can be greatly reduced by the mode of administration of estrogen. • Basis: Any time estrogen is taken orally, it is metabolized through the first pass of the liver and can lower proteins S and C, factors that increase the risk of blood clots. If the estrogen is administrated via the skin in the form of a patch, lotion, mist or gel, the liver effect is avoided. The administration of estrogen by injection via a shot or pellet also has the similar effect to lower the risk of blood clots. • Take-Home Message: If you are on oral estrogen, try to switch to a non-oral route to lower your risk of blood clots. Also, keep your dose as low as possible to prevent side effects. I hope this information has answered some questions you may have about hormones and clarified some key areas of confusion. I’ve tried to base it on studies we have to-date to come to the conclusions about the safety of hormones, as well as some of the concerns. I tell my patients all the time, “The only reason to take hormones is if they make you feel better.” Don’t let fears about hormones prevent you from experiencing the benefits you may gain from the right balance of hormones.

If you have questions about the information in this article, you may contact Dr. Dent at Complete Women’s Health Care in Florence. Dr. Dent is Board Certified in Family Practice and Obstetrics and Gynecology and also holds an Advanced Certification in Menopausal Medicine.

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IN HIS OWN WORDS

I

Matthew Tyler

I met Cindy Lyerly in early November 1990. I was out with a friend when I noticed Cindy as she was eating dinner with another female friend that I had gone to school with. That gave me the opportunity to say hello and introduce myself. As they say,“The rest is history.” In addition to an absolutely stunning smile, Cindy had the most beautiful eyes. She was one of the easiest people to talk with that I had ever been around. Plus, I knew if she was going out with me, she had to have a great sense of humor. There was a degree of companionship that’s hard to describe – a comfort level between the two of us that seemed to intensify the more we were around one another. I liked her friends; she liked mine (well, most of them). It was just a natural fit between our personalities. Even though I knew she was the one for me, I was still nervous and apprehensive when I proposed on Christmas Eve of 1992. We married after a fairly long engagement and our wedding took place at First Presbyterian Church in October 1993. Cindy became a first-time mom when Alana was born in the summer of 1997. She worked right up to the time of delivery (even working that day!). When the time came, we were headed to the Women’s Center at Carolinas Hospital but got caught by (what had to be) the longest train known to mankind. When we finally got to the hospital, everything went well. (Until I saw the needle used for the epidural, that is!) The day our second child,Austin, was born, we had the worst storm I had ever seen in Florence County. I remember the nurse at the hospital saying that they had not had as many deliveries since Hurricane Hugo. Shortly after Austin was brought into the world, the storm hit with hail the size of softballs. Other new fathers and I watched in disbelief as the hail destroyed cars outside in the parking lot. I went to tell Cindy what I had observed; but, after just delivering Austin, she really wasn’t that interested. I know that everyone will have a different definition of motherhood, but Cindy really met the standard of any definition you could offer. She enjoyed the role of teaching our children. She provided all their needs and she had a real gift of listening and offering compassion, all of which came to her very naturally. Cindy was initially diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003. After surgery and other treatments, it appeared that she had gone into full remission. In 2005, our world was rocked when it was discovered that the cancer was not only present, it had metastasized. This was a very difficult time, but Cindy never lost her faith in God. There were countless trips to McLeod Hospital and Duke University Medical Center. Until her illness, I had never heard of perpetual chemotherapy, but that (and other treatments) took place once a week. This was extremely difficult for her, but she was determined to watch our children grow up and she would do whatever she had to do to make that happen.

Cindy lost her fight the day after Easter in 2008, with the children and me taking comfort in the fact that, as with Easter, it was not the end but rather a new beginning for her. Strangely enough, it was Cindy’s strong faith that helped carry us through. The biggest fear about raising my children alone was I had the sudden realization that I had no backup plan if something should happen to me and that every aspect of childrearing was now on my shoulders. Although I was ready to step up to the plate and get the job done, there were (and are) so many things about raising children (especially girls) that I was unprepared to deal with. Fortunately, I have excellent help from our families. The most difficult challenge has been juggling everything that needs to be done – my full-time work schedule, grocery shopping, clothes shopping for the children, meal preparation, school projects and everything else associated with running a household – and still having family time together. Cindy did so much around the house for all of us; there is simply no way for me to do everything she did nearly as well. I’m still taking this day-by-day and learning the best means of allocating time. It goes without saying that the children come first, but it truly seems as if there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to be done. Fortunately, I’ve been able to find really good help with certain things such as afterschool care for the children and home cleaning; but, it seems the time that is freed up is quickly absorbed by other things. Cindy and I used to have an understanding that in addition to my work and earning a living for us, I would take care of most of the things outside the house – the yard work, home repairs, vehicle maintenance, etc. When it came to inside the house, she was the captain of the ship, addressing such things as meals and clothing and keeping the house in order. I love my children dearly; but, with an eleven-year-old and an eight-year-old, keeping the house in order is a task in and of itself. Trying to manage everything can be quite daunting, not to mention the needs of the children from the standpoint of education, encouragement, compassion with things that they are dealing with, love and affection. Plus, although they are really good kids, like all children, they require discipline on occasion. Before, they could approach one parent or the other for a little mercy if trouble arose; now, they are stuck with me. As I have told them before, I am now the judge and the jury. In my dual role as father and mother, I’ll be lucky if I can be half as good a mother as Cindy was even on her worst day. I would hope that her traits of remaining optimistic when the chips are down and, likewise, remaining strong in her faith, would be something that the children remember and pick up on. I hope I can display the same characteristics. When it comes to taking care of my children, whether being “Mr. Mom” or just “Dad,” I could say that spending time with them brings me the most joy. In actuality, however, the most joy I derive is a byproduct of that. I was once told that spending time with your children is like an investment; if you can put a little in each day, you will see an incredible return later in life. I find my happiness when I explain/teach something to my children (not knowing whether they actually absorb it or not) and, later, see that they not only listened, they’re acting on what they learned. That and seeing their faces light up when I come Matthewthe Neal Tyler joy (Matt) and his children, Alana (11) and Austin (8), live in home after work provide most to me. Florence. He is an attorney the Ilaw firm of Aiken,my Bridges, Nunn, Elliott & Tyler. Before our daughter was with born, remember brother telling me, “Once you have children, you will not be able to imagine life without them.” Truer words were never spoken.

Matthew Neal Tyler (Matt) and his children, Alana (11) and Austin (8), live in Florence. He is an attorney with the law firm of Aiken, Bridges, Nunn, Elliott & Tyler.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 49

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Mary,

Did You Know? by Leigh Clary Abdou

Throughout the history of the church, perhaps the second most recognized name is the Virgin Mary. A young Jewish girl from the town of Nazareth, Mary birthed the Savior, Jesus Christ. As a Jewish follower, Mary was very familiar with all the 300 specific prophecies in the Old Testament that announced the Messiah. It was prophesied that He would be born of a virgin (Isaiah 7:14) in the town of Bethlehem (Micah 5:2). I can only imagine Mary’s thoughts when Gabriel announced to her that she was the blessed virgin spoken of throughout the scriptures. I’m sure she was both honored and scared. This was a blessing above all blessings but with a huge price tag attached. Not only would she be pregnant with no husband in the society that she lived, she would also have to endure the cross years later. The movie,The Nativity, gives a wonderful overview of what it was like to be Mary. The four gospels say she was engaged to be married and told that she would birth the Messiah. She then leaves to visit her cousin, Elizabeth, who was also pregnant. When she returns to Nazareth, it is very evident that she is with child. Joseph, the man she is engaged to, and her parents are speechless. After being revealed in a dream that the Baby in which Mary is carrying is the blessed Messiah, Joseph accepts Mary as his bride. Since the beginning, Mary was a follower of Jesus. She accepted the pregnancy, knowing how much it was going to cost her as a young adult living in Nazareth, and she was there at the cross. “Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother ...” (John 19:25). Considered a m o t h e r blessed above all mothers, Mary still endured so much in the death of her Son. Mary knew that Jesus was the Messiah because of what she saw and what she experienced. She stood by Jesus through the good times and the bad.

What about us in the here-and-now who haven’t experienced what Mary saw? Jesus says in John 20:29,“. . . blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” What do we have available today to prove Jesus is the Messiah? Mary had the prophecies of the Old Testament, not to mention a visit from an angel. We have the Old Testament prophecies, as well. As mentioned earlier, there are over 300 prophecies which all point to the Christ Child. The chance of one person fulfilling even half of these prophecies is incredible; the fact that these prophecies were written by different men throughout different time periods is almost inconceivable. Revelation 19:10 says, “. . . worship God! For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.” The scriptures, which are so readily available to us, are our proof that Jesus is the Messiah. Isaiah 53 gives a play-by-play description of Jesus and why he did what he did, yet Isaiah was written 740-680 BC – over 700 years before Christ was born. Today, we have the Old Testament, the New Testament and the Holy Spirit to direct us. The New Testament is clear that Jesus is Who He claimed to be. Acts 4:12, “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other Name under Heaven given to men by which we must be saved.” I John 5:5,“Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.” Sadly, many people do not agree with these statements today. We have started to twist the scriptures to make them say what we want them to say. I’m a firm believer that the scriptures should be taken in their literal sense. If they weren’t taken literally and if they tried to make everyone happy, then why did the religious leaders of the time want to crucify Jesus? They wanted to crucify Him because He was preaching and doing things that stepped on peoples’ toes. He was telling many what they didn’t want to hear and showing them that their way of living wasn’t right. This made them angry, which eventually led to Him dying on the cross. We might not have Jesus with us here, physically, and we might not have Mary here to tell us what she saw, but we do have the scriptures. II Timothy 3:1617,“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” John 1:1, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” Revelations 19:13, “. . . and His name is called The Word of God.” Let scripture speak over your life today. Know what Mary knew and believe what she believed. Blessed are those who believe, yet have never seen.

Leigh Abdou lives in Florence with her husband, Tony, and loves working for She Magazine. She is originally from Valdosta, Georgia. You can reach her at [email protected]

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Chicks of the Month She Magazine & salute

The DSS Child Care Licensing Office in Florence Renell Jones, Gayle Douglas, Karen Hall, Jennie Stanton and Whitney Smith Not Pictured: LaDrica Christian

In a letter to

She Magazine, Gayle M. Douglas, DSS

Senior Child Care Regulatory Specialist, wrote:

First, I would like to say that I value She Magazine and the women who are willing to share their stories with all of us. I can personally relate with many of them on different events and it is comforting to

children we serve have the safest and most nurturing facility possible. We all believe that every child deserves the “best home away from home.” I am proud to be a part of such an important team.

read their stories. I work in Florence with DSS Child Care Licensing in an office of just chicks (13 to be exact). I am one of the new chicks in the office and it has been a privilege getting to know each of these great women. Just as the women that share their stories in

We take our jobs seriously and work hard at making sure that the

She Magazine, my co-workers have

I hope you will help me honor these women who give so much of themselves for the children by considering them as candidates for

She

Magazine’s “Chicks of the Month.” Thank you and God bless you all.

dealt with sickness, tragedy, etc., and we are there for each other, sharing our faith in God and our love for one another. Yes, we have many blessings, too, for which we are truly grateful and, together, we rejoice in these. Each of us is assigned to several counties in Region 4 and it is our responsibility to regulate and supervise all the Child Care Facilities in our assigned counties. Our jobs are very rewarding; but, at the same time, they can be very stressful. Although we all live in different towns and attend different churches, we are all very close and have a good support system throughout the office, which is really important since we all go in different directions each day.

If you would like to receive lunch courtesy of

She Magazine and

Chick-fil-A at the Magnolia Mall, Magnolia Mall Drive-In and Florence Darlington Tech locations, send a brief e-mail telling us why your office or group should be Chicks of the Month to: [email protected] Sarah Johnson, Dianne Fulton, Joanna Thurman, Jane Brown, Ruth Boyd and Peggy Wilson

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M

y dad learned to drive like a farmer; right wrist resting on the wheel to steer, left elbow resting on the open window sill. Preferred speed around 40mph. We’ve always picked on him, my uncles, anyone whose main goal in driving place to place was to check out the crops see how everything was getting along. My family isn’t the only ones who notice this. There’s even a funny incidence in which an understanding policeman gently reminded Daddy that the speed limit was somewhat higher than he was cruising along one day. Naturally, you get us talking about it and we can go on for awhile about the driving habits of Uncle Roy, Uncle Carl, Uncle Hubert and my granddaddy. As each of us started driving and got our licenses my cousins and I made a game of passing Uncle Roy on the way to church. He would pick at us to let us know he had noticed and wave a half-heartedly scolding finger in our direction. But we all knew he thought it was fun; something to humor the great nieces and nephews. Being the youngest and the last to start driving and get my license it seemed a great right of passage to pass Uncle Roy for the first time. It was Sunday morning, we were late for church, and I never thought I would understand why they drove so slowly. Over the years I watched all the farmers in my family coast by the rows of corn, tobacco and soybeans.They would methodically scan the horizon for the full picture and then follow the perimeter of each field surveying damage, loss, and gain. Eventually I began to appreciate their watchful eye, at least as long as I wasn’t in the car behind them trying to make it somewhere on time. I cannot decide if it’s ironic or somewhat expected that I find myself doing the same thing sometimes now. Certainly I don’t keep their preferred speed; I’m most too busy for that. But I do find myself looking, scanning the fields and surveying the crops.And while my uncles and my daddy would be more interested in the growth and the soil, I find myself drawn to the barns. Stowed away in a corner, covered by the growth of unused years, you’ll find them quite surprisingly these days. Roads I drive weekly are dotted with barns I only just discovered due to the camouflage of kudzu and young trees and vines. As many as I see I remember that our farms too have these disappearing barns. Structures that were once resilient have fallen victim to storms, disease, passing owners, and dwindling agricultural economics. Sadly, those barns are like my family; slowly disappearing underneath the years. And as I drive and catch glimpses of a red tin roof or an old brick chimney I remember times when the barns were packed with harvest and their lives were rich with strength and health. I could never have imagined how one day we would be without them, just as I never thought I would drive like a farmer. From recent articles you may know that I have been remembering my grandma a good bit lately with the weather and her favorite time of year in full bloom.This week one of her remaining two siblings, sisters, passed away and I feel as if I have lost another piece of her; one more person who could help me remember. My family all says that I looked most like my grandma, and grandma looked most like Aunt Juanita. Somehow that created a kinship for me with her that I treasured.

keeping the

Past a Part of my Present by Anna Kathryn Pitts

Spunky, social, full of quick wit and smart phrases she has always been a bright spot in our family. Between her and the other sisters, family dinners were full of chatter and good-hearted gossip and just as much as each of their other siblings and spouses, her presence will be dearly missed. It seems that the number "greats" you have to add to describe a family relationship often translates as distance. Many assume that because of their age or health, great-great grandparents are not as close to heart as great-grandparents, and that great-grandparents are not as close as grandparents. But some families are quite the opposite when we are taught to hold those with more "greats" preceding their status even closer and more dear because of their age and health. I was raised in part by fifteen-plus great aunts and uncles on my dad's side alone.They lived in the same community; shared and farmed the same land inherited from their parents; cooked and perfected the same great recipes year after year; scolded us with the same hearts they loved us with.And just within the past three years their numbers have dwindled leaving now only one set; my grandma's youngest sister and her husband. It’s sad for me to witness how my family seems to be disappearing. It’s even harder to realize how much we depended on them to keep the rest of us together.Times are much different and we no longer all live in the same communities, we let busy lives win too often so that we don’t share the frequent phone calls and bits of news that grandma and her sisters once did. We’re slowly realizing that it’s just us, the next three and four generations of cousins and brothers and sisters. But as we travel through, if we look more carefully and closely, we can begin to see how the past has shaped us and notice that those dilapidated barns are still quite beautiful to remind us of the people they represent. Those lives with their strength and resiliency taught us how to come together and raise up the structures that would one day remind us of who we are and who we come from. For how often does one child get a chance to say all of this about the richness of her family? And how often do so many others wish that they could have had just this type of family history? I’m so grateful to all of those “grands” and “greats” in my life to have invested such time and history into me that I may recognize those quick glimpses of the past for the valuable treasures that they are.

Anna K. Pitts lives in Florence where she works at the Drs. Bruce and Lee Foundation Library doing children’s storytimes. She is vigorously pursuing her Master’s Degree in Library Science at USC. Go Gamecocks!

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 55

Diagnosed with

Gestational Diabetes?

Caring for you and what’s to come.

Caring for the Pee Dee. Certified Diabetic Educator Donna L. Atkinson, APRN is here to talk about managing your care.

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If Mothering Came with Instructions...

They Wouldn’t Fit On a Shelf by Beth Grant

F

ROM the moment we look into the eyes of

our infant children, it’s over. We are now their prey and completely unable to save ourselves. Nonetheless, this is what we always wanted; this tiny creature with mixed features of two people in love. Clearly, we are in charge, though, and totally prepared for this. Aren’t we? How difficult can it be to mother this bundle of love? Then – the baby begins to cry. Oh, the wonderful, fragile sound it makes! Your instincts take over and, suddenly, your own needs are forgotten. You are pretty certain the baby is hungry again because you recognize the cry. Don’t worry; if you are unsure of yourself, there will be plenty of advice from all directions – grandmothers, doctors, friends and books (just to name a few). Everyone has an opinion of the “best” way to care for your child. You know, the way they did it. You begin to realize the enormous responsibility you now have. Undaunted, you tiptoe into the nursery and listen to your infant breathing while it sleeps peacefully – like an angel. You thank God for the miracle of this birth and for His infinite grace. You begin to realize you could use a little nap and grab a magazine and lie down. Just as you get settled – the baby cries. Your baby has just been fed, burped and has a fresh diaper, so what could possibly be wrong? You decide to hold and comfort. There, that worked. The baby is asleep again, so you tenderly place it back into the crib. You then realize you need to start a load of laundry and unload the dishwasher. After that, you can grab a quick nap before the baby wakes up. Everything’s going great and you even had time to plan dinner and begin thawing the roast. You grab a magazine again and start relaxing while it’s quiet and then – the baby is crying. Realizing Baby’s “paci” has fallen out, you find it, replace it and it works. Sleeping peacefully again, you decide to get your shower and get dressed in case someone comes by to see the baby. You realize you haven’t eaten yet, so you grab a quick bite and put the laundry into the dryer. Your husband comes home from work to see the baby and you still haven’t showered. You

ask if he could watch the baby for you to jump in the shower and he agrees. As you step in the shower, you decide to shave your legs and actually enjoy the process for once. This private little moment becomes a blessing and you feel rejuvenated. You step into the family room (clean, but with no makeup yet) and you hear – the baby crying. With your hair still in a towel, you rescue your husband. Immediately, the baby smells your scent and settles right down. All is well. This is your defining moment; you realize you are Momma and you smile at this revelation. Fast forward. The baby is crawling now. Babyproofing the house is necessary to protect your child from danger. Everything that finds its way into the hand quickly makes its way into the mouth. You become an expert at multi-tasking. While folding clothes (with the baby at your feet), you are aware of his every movement and describe each item he is discovering. Fast forward again. Your baby begins to walk. Let the fun begin! At this stage of the game, you will learn to play offense and defense at the same time. The baby is into everything and is never still. Multi-tasking is now at warp speed. When your husband comes home for lunch, you still have not showered. You cannot leave your toddler unattended for one second. At this point, the child knows no danger and you are his only clue. Your precious husband comes to the rescue and into the shower you go. No time for shaving this time, let alone makeup. As you enter the room you hear – your baby talking in sentences. You laugh as your husband tries to answer your child as every statement is followed by, “Why?” It’s exhausting explaining everything backwards and forwards again and again. You long for silence now until you hear, “I wuv you, Mommy.” It’s as if the heavens open up and joy fills the earth! Mommy! That’s me! By now, your child has called your name fortynine times in succession. You now long for silence. Then, you hear your child’s prayers and you wish it would never end.

Your child falls off his tricycle and scrapes his knees and cries that hurt cry that always scares you to death. You rush to his side and explain about being more careful next time while you clean the “boo-boo” and apply a character Band-Aid and a kiss. Suddenly, he feels much better. Fast forward to the first crush. You explain about being tender and true and tell your own love story. She arrives home from school, crying because her heart was broken. The story about plenty of fish in the sea is now recited – and ignored. You take her to get her driver’s permit and she feels better. Spring break arrives and you refuse to grant permission for her to go to the beach without you. She cries like a baby. She then tells you she hates you and you feel like you have been kicked in the stomach. She graduates from high school. You cry like a baby. She falls madly in love; they break up. She cries like a baby and you comfort her like no one else can. She falls in love again and again until – the one! She marries and, again, you cry like a baby. She’s not a baby anymore. You realize nothing will ever be the same. She has her own life and she will go to him now. You cry again. She places your grandchild in your arms. Yes, again, you cry like a baby.

Your baby has a baby.

Immediately, you recall the day she was born and realize she will understand how much you loved her now. She will make up her own set of instructions as she follows her heart. You look at your grown woman-child holding her child and, suddenly, she’s frail and small again. You understand the journey she will travel; you paved the way.

GOD BLESS ALL MOTHERS.

Beth Grant is an Artist, Interior Decorator and Writer. She and her husband, Don, live on their family farm in Lamar, South Carolina. They own and operate Mantissa Row in Hartsville.

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Annie

at

mothering through the generations

I

by Annie Collins

forgot my mother’s birthday. I wouldn’t even know that I forgot it if she hadn’t mentioned on the phone while we were chatting that my dad took off work three days ago to celebrate with her. I feel awful. I really need to get a calendar, although I would probably forget to write on it! I told my mom how sorry I was and that I would make it up to her. She insisted it was fine and not to worry about it, but I don’t believe her. Thank goodness it’s almost Mother’s Day so I can rectify my mistake. I was thinking about what I could do for her, not wanting it to be ordinary because that wouldn’t be enough retribution for my big blunder. I know she really enjoys reading this article, so I decided to dedicate this one to her. (I was always going to write about what you are about to read this month, but it means even more now.) Flash-forward twenty years from now when my girls are grown and on their own. How will I feel if they forget to call me on my birthday? Will I understand and not think twice about it or will it hurt to the core (even though I probably won’t show it) because of all the years and all the days and all the hours I spent taking care of their every need. Well, almost every need; I’m not on my own here. Dan (my husband) is such a large part of the caregiving and sometimes does a better job than I do, not only with the girls but with housekeeping, too. This was not the case for my mom – or Dan’s mom or many moms past and present who bear alone the major part of the responsibilities of child-rearing. In my generation, you see more husbands thoroughly involved in the details of their children’s daily needs like getting them ready for school in the morning, transporting them to their activities, fixing and feeding meals, bathtime, bedtime routines and, most importantly, Bible study. All this is on top of the expected Daddy-play-time. This husband type has become so common in the twenty-first century due to more women working full-time and more equalization in society of male/female roles – and I like to think a more biblical understanding among believers of what it means to love your wife like Christ loves the church. Nevertheless, this man was hard to find in my parents’ generation. I want to say here that I know not all husbands are living up to this standard, even in today’s supposedly-equal-opportunity society. Those of you in marriages with men who are a little “behind the times” and don’t understand the high calling of loving and serving you, know that in Christ, you find your ultimate groom and that He has promised to give you the strength you need to succeed in glorifying Him in your marriage if you call on Him for your help.

All of that said, since my mother did not have much help in raising us and still did an amazing job of taking care of our every need, both physical and spiritual, I should never miss a birthday (or a weekly chat) and I want her to know how much I love her and how thankful I am for her years of sacrifice. I “rise up and call her blessed” (Proverbs 31:28) for she did an amazing job with what she was given. Someday, I hope my children will feel the same way about me and even when they get so busy they can’t even remember what month it is, I will be there waiting for them when they call. I miss you, Mom. I wish you weren’t so far away. But, I know the distance between us is only temporal and the service you have done to the Lord will be the crown that you will lay at His feet in eternity where we will Praise God forever for the work of grace He has done in our lives. Thank you for your obedience to God’s high calling of motherhood. Thank you for all the time and all the energy and all of yourself that you gave so that we would be happy, healthy and devoted to God. Whatever you do in life, motherhood is your greatest accomplishment. I pray that God would bless you in all areas of service, that they would produce as much fruit.

“Whatever you do in life, motherhood is your greatest accomplishment.” Originally from Orlando, Florida, Annie Collins now resides in Marion with her husband, Dan, a Youth Minister, and their two daughters, Maddy and Phoebe. She is a 2004 graduate of Columbia International University with a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology. Annie looks forward to your feedback. You may contact her at [email protected].

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Trying to Measure Up to the Perfect Mom? Lower Your Expectations and Learn to Enjoy Motherhood by Ouida Page Being a perfect mother is, at best, thankless. I believe when you are relaxed and really trying to do your best as a mom, you are happy and convey that to your children and husband. When you are trying to do everything and be the perfect super mom, you are setting yourself up to become bitter, resentful and stressed. You can really miss a lot when you are trying to be perfect, focusing on looking and acting the part. What a tremendous responsibility to try and do everything perfectly. Some unrealistic goals might be trying to keep a perfect house without clutter, looking your best at all times, being the perfect cook and preparing meals every night and working an outside job. Who can do all this and feel like a human being? It’s way too much for anyone to try and accomplish in this day and time. My husband and I know a couple that have a full-time international ministry. They have one son and he has been very successful. He has a graduate degree and is helping with the ministry at this time. We observed this couple over the years and their focus was not on their son nor on being perfect parents; their focus was on the kingdom of God. Matthew 6:33 says,“But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” We believe this is exactly what took place in their situation. Their house was not always straight; their meals were not at the same time every night. Nevertheless, both parents have written and published several books and their son is happy and well-adjusted. I believe that a mother who is trying to appear perfect is very self-centered and self-absorbed. Her focus is not on her family at all but on herself.

This mom is possibly a very insecure person and may have low selfesteem. By trying to keep a perfect house and look a certain way all the time, she feels that everything is under control and all is okay. This facade enables her to feel good about herself – if only superficially. When a mother wants a perfect house, the children cannot run and play and scatter toys as they enjoy themselves in a normal manner because things would look messy and be out of place. Another example of a personality that would try to be perfect would be a mom who had very critical parents herself or parents that were somewhat emotionally abusive and had unrealistic expectations. This mom would probably have control issues to some degree and this could be reflected in her parenting skills. Something that may help you if you tend to be a perfectionist or if you find yourself trying to be a super mom is learning what kinds of activities help you to relax. If it’s exercise, then try to develop a routine of working out every day. If it’s gardening, try to do some outside activities in your yard on a very regular basis. If you find that it is flower arranging or riding your bicycle, be determined to do this activity every day, knowing that it will make you a better and more well-rounded mom and wife. You’ll be happier and your children and husband will be more content and things, in general, will go better. I know a lady who exercises every day and if she misses, her son can tell. He asks her if she has worked out or not. It’s not selfish to exercise or perform an activity that makes you easier to live with and be around; it’s just plain smart and shows that you’re using your wisdom. Ouida K. Page is a Licensed Professional and National Board Certified Counselor with a Bachelor’s Degree in Nursing and is a member of the International Honor Society of Nursing. She has been in private practice for over 15 years, specializing in families and issues relating to children, adolescents and women of all ages. Ouida is married and has one son. You may contact her by e-mailing [email protected] with “Ouida” as the subject matter.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 61

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Kate Sansbury is Little Miss Sunshine! This is the perfect title for her because she has a huge smile that she wears most of the time. She lights up a room with that smile and her warmth and spirit. She is the most optimistic person I know. Her father, Bryant; her eight-year-old brother, Jack; and I live in Florence. She is the granddaughter of Dick and Nancy Sansbury of Effingham and Jim and Pam Saville of Albany, Georgia. We are members of Central United Methodist Church. Kate is five-years-old and attends 4K at Central UMC Preschool. Her teachers are constantly telling me how helpful and polite she is. Quick with a smile and always ready with a helping hand, she frequently earns “kindness tickets” at school for helping others and displaying compassion for her peers. She has attended Central preschool since she was two. Although she’ll be sad to leave preschool, she’s very excited about attending Royall Elementary in the fall. She’s ready for Kindergarten! She loves school. Her favorite thing about school is her wonderful teachers, Ms.Teri Hefley and Ms. Mona Pipkin, and her friends. Kate is fun loving and makes friends easily. With many interests, she stays busy. She takes tennis lessons with three of her best friends and has weekly dance classes in tap, ballet and hip-hop. This time of year, when she’s not on the courts or practicing for her recital, you can find Kate at Maple Park cheering on her brother’s baseball team. She also loves spending time with friends and hanging out in her playhouse.

Kate loves to sing. She had a solo in her school’s Christmas production. Her favorite music is country and Taylor Swift is her favorite singer. Although she doesn’t have any pets at home, Kate is a pet lover. Her grandmothers share her love of animals, so Kate enjoys her pony, Daylight, and the dogs and many cats at her grandparents’ home in Effingham. At her grandparents’ home in Albany, she has a dog, Abby, and a kitty, Effie. An exceptional child whose sweet spirit affects all who know her, Kate is a delight to know and love!

This month’s “Wee She” was submitted by Kate’s mother, Amy Sansbury. If you would like to nominate a little girl for “Wee She,” send an e-mail to [email protected] with “Wee She” Nomination as the subject.

Photo by AmySansbury Photography

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 63

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the

i

Stress of the D R E S S (and other stuff)

Sincerely Yours by Jumana A. Swindler

It's been a lot more complicated than I thought. This mother of the groom thing, I mean. I thought I had the easy part. "Just have fun, let the bride handle everything, don’t worry -- let her family do that, smile a lot and wear beige as appropriate." Or, "Act pleasant if you can’t be sophisticated and don’t get ruffled about the arrangements. Just keep quiet, and go with the flow" my friends have all warned me this past year, following my oft spoken of offspring's engagement announcement last winter. Those phrases have been the golden nuggets of wisdom shared by others who have allegedly paved the way ahead of me. Woefully, these attempts at mentoring me before the occasion actually arrives have not really armed me for the current pressures of being the mom of the son soon to be wed. I know I am not the first or the last. Sons and daughters have been getting married for centuries upon ages, but no one ever really prepared us mothers for this process. Whether tying the domestic knot takes place at city hall, far out at sea on a cruise ship, in a backwoods church, at a booth in Vegas or even in a vast cathedral, the prenuptial stuff for parents feels a bit tougher than I would have expected as the mother of the groom. Especially, if you're a parent planning to attend the wedding when elopement for the couple was never an option. Take for instance, the pressures of "Moms-in-waiting to be in-laws" to have just the right shoes, dress, and jewelry for the event.And, who would have speculated that 732 people would have asked me 7,988 times and at each personal encounter -- around the block, at work, church, in mall parking lots and even at the grocery store: "Have you bought your dress for Adam's wedding yet?" This has been going on for weeks and weeks and weeks before the ceremony. For those of you who know me, you clearly can surmise that I am not a shopper, particularly in this case, which requires great taste and finesse. However, I am and have been convinced that I'll know what I want and need the moment I see it.Then, I'll buy just the right frock for the special occasion. "Well the right dress doesn’t jump right off the shelf and say, 'Here Jumana, take me home. I look great and will fit you perfectly so buy me now!'" said one of my smug former friends. Note I said former. She ticked me off with that one and we don’t talk to each other anymore. I'm avoiding her for awhile. Anyway, my other buddy, Susan Pickle, and I commiserated on this fact not too long ago. Her daughter got married recently and she acknowledged that nothing about her child's wedding unnerved Susan as much as the constant inquiries on her status of an outfit for the wedding. "You would think the world revolved around what my dress looked like and its color," Susan remarked quite exasperated. "Yep," I said in agreement. "You would think that our clothing was the pivotal point of the entire festivity." My friends and hers have whispered both in front of our faces and behind our backs, remarking rather frequently on the Delay of Dress purchase Dilemma, (the three d's) -- as if the entire economic future of America depended on it. Apparently, my dress or lack thereof and the Obama Stimulus Package have been the two top concerns for the USA and my family since January. AND YES. Readers before you send the emails, I HAVE A DRESS. (Now, maybe it's not THE one, but at least it's a fancy back up just in case I run out of time…..) My personal advisor on this subject, Marie Segars, indicated that I was being far too flippant about the dress issue. "This is important.To you and the entire family.You should take this more seriously. And remove this worry and burden off the shoulders of your future daughter in law.Whether she tells you or not, she wants you to get a dress. You can’t go with just anything.Your dress is a statement." Well, how's this for a statement.Will Someone Please Take this Stress out of the Dress! Scripture reminds us of the inevitable, all the way back in the first book of Genesis. Women will marry your boys and men will marry your girls and they all will live happily in the virtual ark for awhile, at least until the two's become threesomes, foursomes and fivesomes or somes-things like that.And when the Love Boat settles after the flood, those children will have more children who will marry other children.And so it goes. But in the meantime, what about the prep emotionally, financially and socially for the weddings along the way?

As an undergraduate in college, I took valuable courses, studies that would empower me to survive a difficult world, like western civilization, economics and even a dead language or two, like Latin. Latin has even been occasionally beneficial when I quote the saying on our dollar bills. You know the one…."e pluribus unum," which I think means the "more the merrier." Anyway, none of these classes included premarital insight. No exam ever tested you on Wedding Preparation for Moms 101. Some of the questions I'd like answered as the mother of the groom just weren't in the texts books or found in updated editions of Emily Post, like: - What are you supposed to be called by your future child in law and when does that title magically go into effect, before, after or during the wedding? (Will my name be Ju-mom-in-law?) - Is it really bad luck to pass up wedding cake 'cause you maxed out in Weight Watcher points for the week? - How many times a day should you day dream about what your grandchildren may look like? (Will my future grandson favor a Middle Eastern Charlie Brown?) - Can you pass around an offering plate during the wedding to cover some of the expenses incurred by the groom during his early years at home with Mom? (You know you would have if you could….) - Can you wear tennis shoes through the whole affair if you pretend that nobody notices? - Just what does "form fitting" really mean when it comes to the mother of the groom dress? (Does it imply that the dress is too loose, or mean that you should indeed make that appointment for the tummy tuck well in advance of the rehearsal dinner?) No wonder weddings make us all feel giddy. And, it ain't the champagne! Happy Mother's Day. I know mine will be!!

Jumana A. Swindler, a resident of Florence, is the Director of Marketing and Public Relations for McLeod Health. Her personal favorite pastimes, reflected in her writings, are RV'ing, movies,Theater, fishing, reading and spending time with her son and family

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 65

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Chic k Lit The Ultimate Baby Massage: Massage Relief for Colic, Gas & Constipation

by Jeanne Yarborough, LMT

I

have been practicing massage therapy for fifteen years. I have a true

passion for my field of work and from my very first day of attending massage school in 1994, I was interested in baby massage. A funny thing happened one evening. I accompanied a family to Las Vegas to care for their four-year-old daughter. They traveled a lot and wanted to be with their child while attending a conference. The last night of the trip, I had a dream. I woke up about 5 AM and thought, “I’m supposed to remember my dream.” A few minutes went by and I suddenly remembered it. Realizing I had dreamt an entire book, I sprang to the floor, frantically searching the hotel room trying to find anything to write on, including the toilet paper! I didn’t want to forget a single detail. During my dream, I saw every page of the book – the baby massage strokes, how the pages were laid out, colors to use, everything. I believe the book was a gift and, now, I have the opportunity to share it. Last year, I started a company called Baby Therapie, LLC, and self-published my book, The Ultimate Baby Massage: Massage Relief for Colic, Gas & Constipation. I also developed a line of four allnatural baby massage oils.

My book is for new or first-time parents, families who adopt, grandparents, caregivers, even women experiencing baby blues after giving birth. Massage not only soothes and calms babies who suffer from pain associated with constipation, colic, gas, digestive issues or just crankiness, it does the same for Mom and Dad, too. The 8” x 8” boutique-styled book demonstrates all the massage strokes via colorful photography of two very content babies. Each photo has quick, easy-to-follow instructions and a number of the photos have directional arrows on top of them for further clarity and reassurance for the reader. This book is written for a parent who might not know anything about giving a massage or a baffled parent with a screaming baby and no leisure time to read up on baby massage. Also included is a keepsake page for recording special moments. The book ($18.95) can be purchased by calling Jeanne at 843-661-6971 or ordered online at babytherapie.com. Books and baby massage oils are now available at Baby Furniture & More in Florence and Burry Bookstore in Hartsville. Please join us June 23rd from 10 AM until noon at Burry Bookstore for a book signing event and baby massage demonstration. May you have many blessed and peaceful days with your baby.

Here’s what people are saying about The Ultimate Baby Massage:

“Jeanne’s book is phenomenal – a must-have for all new mothers and a great gift item! This book is an easy read and full of practical advice.” - Dr. David Chapman, MD, Obstetrician/Gynecologist

“This is a great book and my son absolutely loves getting his massages.” - Jett Beres, Bass Guitarist and Vocalist for the band, Sister Hazel

“Emotionally, baby massage can decrease stress and tension for both parents and baby. It promotes calmness, relaxation and strengthens bonding. Baby massage is also an effective strategy for lessening postpartum depression and cultivating positive interactions between mother and child.” - Rene Williams LCP, CACll, McLeod Psychiatric Associates

“ I recently gave The Ultimate Baby Massage to a new mom, whom I spoke with today. She RAVED about the book and how it helped her get through a colicky episode with her twomonth-old. She thanked me over and over again for giving it to her.” - Miss M. Harrelson, Insurance Specialist, Richmond,Virginia

Jeanne Yarborough is a Licensed Massage Therapist and has been working and teaching in the massage field since 1994. She has appeared on television, radio and has been featured in newspapers, sharing her knowledge of pregnancy, labor and baby massage, as well as general massage therapy. Please visit her website at www.baby-therapie.com.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 67

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what you need to know about

Postpartum Depression by Carol Adams, PhD

The

The excitement of finding out you’re pregnant can fill the air with great anticipation in the family. Not only are the prospective parents happy, the grandparents-to-be become ecstatic. (After all, haven’t they been bugging you since you got married about “starting a family?”) This excitement builds to a great big crescendo until D-day arrives. The brand new mommy is handed a tiny bundle, complete with halo (isn’t that how it is on TV?), while music plays in the background and an instant and immediate lifelong bonding occurs. They go home and life is perfect and beautiful. Yeah, right! Okay, we’ll skip the gory details, but suffice it to say that labor and delivery are no walk in the park. In real life, the new mommy is handed the tiny, red-faced, flat-nosed infant, which has been delivered in one of the new hospital delivery suites. You know the ones; all kinds of people are present throughout the labor and delivery process, some even with video cameras! Believe me, labor is called labor for a reason. The mom is usually exhausted when the little one enters the world and, yes, she looks at her new offspring and probably think that he/she is pretty phenomenal – ten little fingers and toes, two little semi-crossed eyes. But, is there an instant superglue bonding? Probably not for most women. Not yet, not for a few more weeks and months. Also, reality includes some other factors that the new mom usually isn’t prepared for. Her physical body has undergone huge changes during labor, delivery and the immediate postpartum period. She is physically tired and her hormones are raging. She may be sleep-deprived from labor and delivery alone, but this is nothing compared to how much more she’s going to be in the coming weeks. In the case of the first-time mother, she may be anxious about whether she’s doing things right. Is the baby supposed to cry this much, not want to sleep, spit up this much? – and on and on. Often, within three to four days after delivery, a huge number of women (estimates range from 50-85 percent) get “the baby blues.” Studies suggest it usually peaks around the fifth day and remits by about the tenth postpartum day. When a new mother, however, begins having tearfulness, sudden mood changes, anxiety and irritability, she may become concerned and, sometimes, even guilty about what’s happening to her, fearing that it’s indicative of the fact that somehow she isn’t a good mother or she doesn’t love her baby enough. Postpartum blues are temporary and have little long-term consequences. They don’t require specific mental health interventions other than reassurance, support and education about all the physical, emotional and psychosocial changes that are occurring in a mother’s life. At the residency program where I work, we train our family medicine resident physicians to inquire/educate young moms about the baby blues so they won’t be taken off guard should it occur. When it happens, it can be scary to the young mother. Occasionally, some women will develop postpartum depression. Estimates are that about 10-15 percent of women develop it sometime during the first year after giving birth. It usually seems to begin within three to six months after delivery, although some women may have an acute episode sooner than that. Studies have demonstrated that women who have had postpartum depression in the past are more likely to have it again. Also, women who experienced depression during pregnancy are more likely to have postpartum depression. Discuss this openly with your doctor should it happen to you. Some studies suggest that certain risk factors seem to make women more likely

to develop postpartum depression. These include such things as marital dissatisfaction, inadequate social support and stressful life events during pregnancy or near the time of delivery. Again, it can be overlooked by physicians because patients feel a stigma associated with acknowledging depression. Moms tend to associate it with their lack of being a good and loving parent to their infants. Let’s face it, there are a lot of societal expectations that the new mom should be content and fulfilled now that she has this wonderful bundle of joy. Never mind the fact that Mom has slept (at most) two hours a night during the first month home and has never gotten over the exhaustion of the twenty-three hours of labor and/or pain from her C-section. The baby seems to cry all the time. Mom worries about breastfeeding (is baby getting enough nourishment?), husband is working long hours and no family is nearby to provide any relief. Add to this the tough economic times most people are facing right now and it’s easy to see how all these factors can contribute to depression. For the individual who experiences a depressive episode, treatment is available. It includes such things as support, counseling sessions and medications. Support might include getting some kind of assistance for the new mom through family or friends just to give her the opportunity to take a shower and get dressed prior to 4:00 in the afternoon and to have an hour to herself away from baby once a week or so. Counseling and medication can help improve the depressive symptoms, too. If medication is needed, then the issue of whether or not to continue breastfeeding must be made by the patient and her doctor – another issue that can be concerning to the new mom. In a few rare cases (probably 1-2 percent of new moms), postpartum psychosis can occur. This is characterized by delusional thinking (false beliefs) and, perhaps, hallucinations (seeing and hearing things that really aren’t there). There have been a couple cases nationwide in recent years where harm came to the infant because of reported postpartum psychosis. Again, this is very rare. It usually presents in the first two weeks after the baby is born and usually with an acute onset of overt symptoms that is dramatic. Delusional beliefs can occur and often center on the baby, interfering with the mom’s ability to care for the newborn. Of course, immediate mental health treatment is necessary for this individual. So, how can we help the newly-pregnant young woman who is having her first child? I would suggest that we not set unrealistic expectations about how wonderful it all is going to be. Certainly, parenting a child is a phenomenal experience; however, it is not without demands. The baby’s needs do not wait. Everybody else’s do. It is a life-changing experience – mostly for the good. However, you will be sleep-deprived, tired and the baby will be ever-present as you adjust to each other. Over time (usually a pretty short time), you will become extremely attached, bonded and connected. It is a connection that will last a lifetime and nothing is quite like it – nothing. Just give yourself some time. It’s well worth it!

Carol Adams, PhD, is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with McLeod Family Medicine Center in Florence.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 69

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Giving Our the

Children BEST BY

ROSE VARLARO

Childhoo d is supposed to be a time of innocence, discovery and exploration. All too often, however, that experience is taken from children. As a counselor at the Durant Children’s Center in Florence, I work with children that have experienced trauma. Every day, we see children who have experienced more hurt in their short lives than any person should ever experience. We provide them with a safe and friendly environment where they can begin their journey to recovery through forensic interviews and counseling. In the United States, it is estimated that more than five million children experience some form of trauma every year. Approximately two million children who are exposed to trauma are victims of sexual or physical abuse and even more live in fear surrounding domestic violence. Traumatic events include physical abuse, sexual abuse, rape or witnessing violence at school or home. It is not limited to just these events, however. In today’s world, we cannot exclude natural disasters such as hurricanes, earthquakes and floods or the unimaginable when loved ones die without warning. These examples are just a few of many incidents that can make a traumatic impact on a child. As children grow into adults, their knowledge and development is based on their childhood. For children who have experienced trauma, their physical, emotional, cognitive and social development can be impaired. The Durant Children’s Center is working with Benjamin E. Saunders, PhD, of the Medical University of South Carolina, and M. Elizabeth Ralston, PhD, of Dee Norton Lowcountry Children’s Center, in an effort to Bring Evidence-Supported Treatment (BEST) to children and families from the Pee Dee Region who have been victims of trauma. Durant Children’s Center, a program of the Pee Dee Coalition, is excited to partner with Project BEST. Project BEST is a ten-year statewide collaboration to bring evidence-supported treatment to traumatized children through a community

effort. The long-term goal of Project BEST is to ensure that children and families identified as experiencing abuse or other types of trauma receive the appropriate treatment. Project BEST has successfully been completed by the Child Advocacy Centers located in Beaufort, Camden, Greenwood and Spartanburg and their surrounding counties. It is now entering Phase II, offering training to participants from Florence, Darlington, Marlboro, Chesterfield, Marion, Dillon, Williamsburg and Clarendon Counties. In this community-wide effort, clinicians become trained in Trauma-Focused Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT). Individuals who identify and refer abused children and their families for treatment are taught about the importance of evidence-supported treatment and how to incorporate it into their treatment planning and monitoring. Trauma-Focused Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy has been researched and is shown to be the most well-supported and effective treatment for children who have been traumatized. Studies have shown that it helps abused children, children suffering with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and other problems directly related to trauma to recover from these symptoms. Evidence-supported treatment is important because it has been proven to be effective through many different research experiments. This is a remarkable opportunity that is available in the Pee Dee that will benefit our children. When children experience trauma, their world is turned upside down. At the Durant Children’s Center, we work toward helping families restore what has been lost and help make their world more manageable. If you would like information about counseling or some of the other services available at the Durant Children’s Center, please call us at 843-664-4357 (HELP). As an additional resource to families, the Durant Center provides ChildHelp Pee Dee, a 24-hour toll-free helpline, at 1-866-867-9857. Individuals may call anonymously to discuss parenting problems, access information and referrals, report abuse or inquire about something they might have witnessed or observed. Children may also call the helpline for help with questions they may have about possible maltreatment.

Rose Varlaro is the Children’s Counselor and Project BEST Site Coordinator at the Durant Children’s Center in Florence. She has a Master’s Degree in Clinical/Counseling from Francis Marion University and specializes in children and adolescents who have been affected by trauma.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 71

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Once a Momma ALWAYS a MOMMA by Ferebe Gasque

“When I grow up, I don’t want to be a Mommy,” stated the child very matter-of-factly. Her mother, taken aback by the comment of her typically loving and supportive five-year-old daughter, asked, “Why?” Very seriously, the child replied, “Because you NEVER get through!” I know this is true. After I became an adult, my mother told me this story more than once. In the intervening fifty years since that original conversation, my perspective has changed but my observation made that day has proven to be profound. Perhaps it was self-fulfilling prophecy. I never got married nor gave birth. My respect for mothers and their plight, however, continues to grow even now. My mother was a wonderful mother. She was an incredible role-model for me as well as for anyone else who knew her and observed her life. I never heard her complain though she certainly had many opportunities to do so. My momma grew up as the middle child of seven children. She was fifteen in 1929 when the Great Depression hit. The harshest word I ever heard her speak about that was, “It was hard times.” She and my dad married in 1940. She gave birth to four children. Her eldest child, a boy, developed Wilms’ tumor (a rare form of kidney cancer found usually in children) at the age of three. A year and a half later, she buried her firstborn son. My childhood was spent living upstairs in a two-story house behind the motel where my dad was assistant manager. There were two bedrooms, one very small bathroom, and a tiny kitchen in our living quarters. My parents, my brother, my sister, and I shared that cramped space which my mother made home for all of us. When I was four, my grandfather (my dad’s father) passed away. Shortly thereafter, my paternal grandmother fell and broke her hip. For almost seven years, my mother went to stay with her each day as her primary caregiver. Again, she never complained. In 1974,

Momma and Daddy were in an automobile accident. When they returned from the Medical University several months later, she became mother to my dad as he slowly recovered. Just as he was beginning to feel “normal” again, Daddy developed ALS (Lou Gehrig Disease) and Momma’s responsibilities became more intense yet again until he died in 1980. Momma was so much fun to watch after Daddy died. She had never had the opportunity to do so many things. She was always the responsible caregiver. I took her to Florida to spend time with some of our relatives and just to see the sights. In 1982, she experienced her first (and last) airplane ride when she flew to California to spend three weeks with me in the dormitory at Golden Gate Seminary. She was like a little girl, experiencing new and exciting things. After my graduation, I was granted the oncein-a-lifetime privilege of driving across this wonderful country of ours, showing my sweet momma the wonders of God’s creation (even those “purple mountain majesties”). Not too long after that, my aunt (Daddy’s sister) developed Alzheimer’s Disease. Momma had promised her years before that she would take care of her. Even though my aunt was in a nursing home, it became my mother’s plight to be mother to someone else. She never complained. Never. My aunt passed away in 1990, ten years after Daddy. Momma continued to take care of others who needed her. She was always available for her children but also for any for whom she could provide a service. She was a true Christian servant, if ever there was one. As she became older and less able to do those things for herself that she had so long done for others, the roles began to change. Though she will always be my Momma, I began to have the opportunity and privilege of serving her. She was never a complainer. Unfortunately, that often made it more difficult to meet her needs. She never wanted to impose on anyone. I will always be grateful for the opportunities God gave me to minister to her in those last special years of her life. It gave me a chance to begin to repay her for all of her love and care for so many for so long. So, I know a little about mothering. I’ve been mothered. I’ve watched my mother and others perform that role. And, yes, I may never have given birth, but I’ve been a mother, too. Shortly after I moved into my house, I was standing in a neighbor’s yard one beautiful July day in 1993 when two adorable kittens darted across the street and started playing between my feet. My life was changed that day. Clifford and Claude came into my life. Since then, they’ve been joined by Oliver (AKA Piglet), Molly, Samson, Delilah, Luciano, Callie, and Grace. Clifford, Claude, Luciano, and Callie now rest under roses in my side yard. (Actually, Callie has a rosemary plant. She died in January when the weather is not kind to newly planted roses.) The other five continue to keep me humble. I have a dear friend who is now a missionary in Africa who told me years ago: “When I get to Heaven, the first thing I’m going to ask God is why I couldn’t get married and have children.” Yet, I’ve seen Elsie McCall touch the lives of more children (and adults, as well) than would ever have been possible, had she been able to birth her own children. My Aunt Ferebe and Uncle Ellison never had children of their own. They lavished love on all of their nieces and nephews, though. All of us are grateful. I don’t know why God chooses to allow some to have children and others not. It is so prevalent on the news to see those who abuse children. Yet others who would apparently be wonderful parents are left childless. I do not know why. But, I do know that He is still in charge and that ultimately we will understand. I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that when I get to Heaven those questions won’t really matter anymore. For now, I am grateful for the feline children (and countless other blessings) God has given me. Ferebe Gasque is the Music Therapist at McLeod Hospice House, a Service Coordinator with Florence County DSN Board and an Independent Consultant with the Pampered Chef. ® In her spare time, she follows orders from her feline children with whom she lives in Florence.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 73

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MAY 2009

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ABOUT MOTHERHOOD From “I’m pregnant” to “I might be losing my mind” and the joys in between,

get ready for a very real look at MOTHERHOOD. Feature stories begin on page 76.

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am a 32-year-old full-time mother of five and I love motherhood.

I devote my life to my children. When I was younger, I thought I would have one child, but never in a million years did I think I would have five! I was very happy about my first pregnancy; it was a walk in the park compared to my last two. All three of my pregnancies were different. I bet you’re asking, “If she has five children, why does she write about three pregnancies?” Well, my story goes like this. I was 28 and happily married with two children when I learned I was pregnant again. I thought, “How can this be?” My husband and I were not even trying. After walking around in disbelief for a few weeks, the excitement of having a third child set in and we could not wait to find out the sex of the baby. At seventeen weeks, I went for my ultrasound and we got the shock of a lifetime. I was not having one baby. I was not having two babies. I was having three babies! Yes, I was having spontaneous triplets. When I found out I was having triplets, I was overwhelmed. I totally lost it. I even hyperventilated. My husband just smiled; he was in such shock he couldn’t say anything. My pregnancy with the triplets was extremely hard. I was sick a lot, even hospitalized several times for dehydration. I was high-risk and on strict bed rest. The hardest thing about the pregnancy was trying to gain all the weight I needed for triplets. Then, the other hard part was getting comfortable at night. I slept in the recliner many nights. I went into premature labor and the babies were born at twenty-five weeks. They all weighed a little over one pound and we were told they wouldn’t make it. I could not believe what I was hearing. I prayed to the Lord to please let them survive. I made a promise that if He pulled my babies through this, I would be the best mother I could be and do everything in my power to make sure that not a single day went by without knowing how blessed I was for having five children.

The triplets stayed in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for three long months – two months at the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston and one at McLeod. When they finally came home, I was so happy, but it was hard. We had lots of help and worked in shifts, but I still only managed to get twenty minutes of sleep here and there. I breastfed all three for six months and it took a lot out of me, but it was best for them. It’s really about routine. Routine is the most important thing with multiples. By the grace of God, my babies survived. They are all healthy and just turned two. Maddox, Maddison and Mallory are true blessings, along with my other two children, Briclee and Chloe. Briclee is my oldest. At seven-years-old, she is full of energy. She loves playing softball and is a big help with her younger siblings. Chloe is almost four and is very prissy. She loves to dress up in anything pink. Maddox is my only boy. He is very talkative and loves the outdoors. Maddison is full of drama and has to be the center of attention. Out of all my children, she is the clown. Mallory is shy, laid back and independent. The biggest challenge for me is at night when I’m so popular; everyone wants Mama and I have to get everyone to bed – and this is an every-night thing. The hardest thing about being a mom to five children is making sure everyone knows that they are just as important as their siblings. I have to divide my time equally and with the same quality with each child. I now understand why my mother worried so much. When you become a mother, that’s all you do. Motherhood means the world to me. I have done a lot in my life, but nothing compares to being a mom. It’s the most rewarding gift ever.

Renee Perdue, her husband, Brandon, and their five children live in Bennettsville.

• • • • •

Collin M. Smith Photography

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 77

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hen I learned I was expecting for the first time, I was surprised,

scared, excited, confused and, finally, calm. I was surprised because I found out I was pregnant when I went to the doctor simply for my yearly exam. I was scared because I liked red wine and I didn’t want any previous wine consumption to have hurt my little miracle. I was excited because I saw God working in my life. I was confused about what my life was going to become. Then, there was peace because I realized God was in control and my pregnancy and my baby were going to be just fine. My childbirth experience was easier than I imagined it would be. I cried while watching the video of delivery in our Lamaze class! My husband hugged me and told me not to worry about it; I would be fine. He was right. It happened so quickly, there wasn’t even time for an epidural. My doctor walked in and saw me smiling as I was pushing and said, “I see the epidural finally kicked in.” The nurses and I said, “Nope, no epidural.” After twenty minutes of pushing and a broken tailbone, my baby was here. She was no longer just a flutter in my tummy; she was a ten-fingered, ten-toed little angel and she was all mine. I give all the glory to God for walking me through the scariest experience of my life. I’ve just always turned a little green and gagged a bit when other women talked about giving birth. So, for a gal who had issues with even the thought of having a baby, I’d say my experience was a breeze Meredith Grace is seven-months-old now and she is the light of my life. Motherhood has taught me that it’s not all about me anymore. It’s all about my baby and my family – and I like it that way! Since having Meredith, I’ve noticed how much more grateful and thankful I am for all that God has allowed me to have. Children are a blessing and I pray He allows me to have many more. If Meredith is the only child I’m supposed to have, I’ll be grateful, though, because having her has shed so much light on how great God’s love is. I never knew I could love anything as much as I love my child. For me, it brings new meaning to John 3:16. The biggest challenge I’ve faced as a mother is the loss of personal time. It’s amazing how important me-time is. Before I became a mom, I could go and go and then go some more without thinking about it. I guess it’s because all the going and doing was centered on me and what I wanted. Now that I have a child, I pour all of myself into making sure she’s safe, healthy, loved, nurtured, warm and happy. Nonetheless, I look forward to little things like grocery shopping or running to the post office for stamps just to get out of the house and for a change in my routine. I will admit, however, that when I’m alone in my car, I feel weird not having Meredith to talk to while I drive. My greatest joy is falling in love with my husband all over again, every day. Seeing Robert interact with Meredith, sitting with her on her play mat; shaking rattles; playing with finger puppets; singing,“Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!” with her and watching him hold his little girl is enough to melt any woman’s heart. The thing I wish someone had told me about motherhood is that breastfeeding is painful! I also wish someone would’ve told me how hard it was going to be not to think about my child all day long. Sometimes, I walk around the office singing,“What Are You Doing? What Are You doing?” (It’s a little song and dance I made up for Meredith. She loves it and just laughs and laughs when she hears it.) All the girls in the office are even singing it now. I imagine what she’s doing all the time, praying that she’s having fun and that she’s happy – even though she’s not with me. My experience with motherhood hasn’t been too difficult. Keep in mind, though, I’m only seven months into my first experience. I can count on one finger the only problem I’ve encountered – milk! Who knew that Meredith’s uncontrollable crying after eating was because she was lactose intolerant? I didn’t! Because it happened about the same time each day, she was labeled “colicky.” I did Internet searches on gassy babies and colicky babies. I even purchased “gripe water,” changed formula five times and then went to soy milk. Then, two months ago, I found out that the lacto-free

Enfamil product that works for her is not being manufactured any longer due to lack of demand. Needless to say, I’ve stockpiled and we should be good until she reaches twelve months. Being a mother has affected my perspective about my own mother in that I understand my mom more now than I ever did. Before, I never understood why she would brag about the smallest things I did or accomplished. I remember rolling my eyes at her and often being embarrassed because she was drawing attention to me. Now that I have Meredith, I see my mom in me because I want to share everything about my little girl. I think everything she does is amazing – from the way she looks at her daddy when he enters the room to the way she crawls after our puppies trying to play with them. I’m so blessed and proud of the little person she is.

Collin M. Smith Photography

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Now, I also understand why my mother always had us in church. Whenever the doors were open or there was a church function, we were there. Now that I have Meredith, it seems so clear to me. My mother wanted me surrounded with Christian love and a church family. I’m constantly reminded of the love my mom had for the Lord and the love she had for my sister and me when I look into Meredith’s eyes. Looking ahead to the day that Meredith is no longer dependent upon me and is ready to spread her wings, I hope that I have instilled in her to trust in the Lord with all her heart and to not lean on her own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).

Pamela Hucks Blackman is a proud mother, wife, daughter and big sister. She and her husband, Robert, and their daughter, Meredith, live in Florence. She is the Office Manager for The Hanna Agency, Inc. She has been employed with Allstate for nine years.

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dreamed of being a mother one day after graduating from college.

I wanted two children – a boy first and then a girl. When expecting for the first time, however, I was happy and didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl as long as it was a healthy baby. Today, my oldest daughter is 45-years-old. People tell me she has my personality – sweet and always doing something to help others. She is a teacher in Virginia. My youngest daughter is 44-years-old. As a child, she loved to draw. Today, her side job is hand-painting at games, etc., in Charlotte and other places. In school, she didn’t have to study hard because she remembered things easily. She is in Personnel at Wachovia Bank in Charlotte. My twin sons did a lot of drawing in school, as well. They were identical twins and all the girls just loved them. They were so kind and gentle with all the girls they met. When the oldest twin (by five minutes) graduated from high school, he went into the Army. He is now an Electrical Engineer in Georgia.The youngest twin is employed at Kraft Foods Manufacturing Company in Georgia. He also has his own business as a yard landscaper. After my husband and I separated, my biggest challenge as a mother was moving from Georgia back home to Florence with four children, ranging in ages from eleven to three and a half. My dad asked me to move in with him, my mother and my sister. So, in addition to raising my children, I had to take care of my ill mother and my mentally-challenged sister. In order for me to go back to work as a teacher, I also went to Francis Marion to get certified to teach in South Carolina. Although none of us are perfect, I tried to live the right life before my children. I wanted them to see the good things in me as I put the Lord first in my life. I knew that one day, they would be grown and if I did not instill in them the right way to live, they would not be doing the right thing once they grew up. My children learned from watching me. They do some things now because they saw me do them to help someone else. My greatest joy is that all four of my children turned out well. From kindergarten through high school, I never had to go to their school for any kind of discipline problem. I always reminded them that if Mom had to go to their school one time, they would not want Mom there again. I respected my children and I demanded that they respect me in return – and they did. I made a lot of sacrifices for my children. They truly love me for all I did for them, for all I did for my parents and for what I’m still doing for my sister. They often say,“Mom, you spent your whole life taking care of us. Now, we are going to take care of you.” My children and being a mother have taught me to be thankful for all the sacrifices I made for them as they grew up because, now, I am reaping a good harvest by living in a townhome that my four children provide for me after spending more than thirty years in the home of my parents. Also, my two daughters took me on a cruise where we toured Greece and Turkey. Motherhood may not always be a lovely bed of roses; however, if you choose to be a mother, you should be firmly committed to, first, trying to marry a Godly husband. If your husband changes after you are married for awhile and you decide you cannot continue to live the kind of life he is taking you through, keep in mind that children will not be children forever. They will grow up and if you, as the mother, have not instilled in them the right way to live, you have created another problem for yourself. Therefore, my advice for young women today is if you truly want children, be committed to them from birth until they reach the age we say they are grown. I passed onto

Collin M. Smith Photography my children the fact that children do not ask to be born; so, when you marry and have children, it is your responsibility to care for them and always put them in the upper part of your life as a mother. The Lord is truly good. He blessed me to raise my four wonderful children. Daily, I keep them in my prayers, even though they are grown and living in Virginia, North Carolina and Georgia. I have seven grandchildren and will soon have eight. I really enjoy being a grandmother. I treat my grandchildren as if they are my own children when they visit me. They know that I don’t “take stuff” from them that is not the “right kind of stuff.” Motherhood is a choice you make after marriage. Grandmotherhood is what happens after your child has made the choice to get married and have a child. It may be accepted and it may not, but motherhood has no ifs-ands-or-buts-about-it if you are truly committed to being a good mother. I wanted to share this personal information with single mothers to encourage them to hang in there as they struggle to rear children without a father in the house to help. I pray that my story will give someone hope to keep-on-keeping-on in their struggle to raise their children. You never know how they might bless you one day.

Rosa Lee Hines Riley (75) is retired after teaching for 36 years. Her four children are DeStephanie Riley Johnson,Yolanda Riley,Tyrus E. Riley, Sr. and Terence D. Riley. Rosa Lee enjoys reading, writing poems and litanies, jumping rope and riding her bike.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 81

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he afternoon sun was shining on her hair through the backdoor window, making her curls look all shiny and coppery. She stood there with her purse over her shoulder, holding her keys in one hand and the doorknob in the other. As she leaned forward and kissed me on my cheek, she said, “Bye. I love you.” “I love you, too,” I told her. “Be careful and call me when you get there.” We had stood in this same spot and said these same words so many times before. Only this time, she wasn’t meeting Lauren at Starbucks or going to hang out with Chloe; she wasn’t running the Mama-forgot-a-bunch-of-stuff-at-the-grocery-store errand or picking up supper for the three of us. This time, she was headed back after her first weekend home from college. I followed her out the door and stood on the top step as she walked to her car, threw her purse in the passenger seat and got in. The glare on the windshield kept me from seeing clearly, but I knew all the little things she’d do to get ready for a road trip. First, she’d start the engine to get the air conditioner going and then she would decide if she was going to listen to XM Radio, her iPod or the CD player. When the decision was made, she’d push the appropriate buttons or turn the right knobs and queue up her music. She’d put on her sunglasses, buckle her seat belt and adjust her mirrors. If her daddy had been the last one to drive her car, she’d let out a little snort and say something caustic about him “messin’ with” her “seat and mirrors!” Then she’d shift into reverse. After a minute or two, she was all set. With a little wave and a half smile, she was backing out of the driveway and heading down the road – the road that was taking her away from me. As I stood watching her car get smaller and smaller, I opened the picture book in my heart and watched my little girl grow up. There she was on the day we brought her home from the hospital, surely the most beautiful baby in the world, lying there on the new quilt her grandmother had made for her. I saw the toddler with the soft, golden curls and a red pacifier in her mouth that proclaimed, “I love Mommy.” There, smiling back at me was the gangly ten-year-old – the one with crooked teeth, two long braids that couldn’t quite contain her wildly curly hair and glasses that were much too big for her face. (What were we thinking?!) I saw her grow from an awkward teenager with braces to a lovely young woman with a beautiful smile. It had all happened too fast and I needed more time – more time to be a better mother. I wanted to go back and say,“Yes” every time I had said,“No” because I was tired or busy. I wanted to take that quilting class with her even though “quilting” wasn’t “really my thing.” I wanted to read Splishy Splashy Day one more time and I wanted to watch her as she watched The Little Mermaid over and over, again and again – and again. I wanted to play games and bake cookies and draw on the sidewalk and play dress up. I wanted a do-over as much as I had ever wanted anything in my life. Hoping very much that she had heard more of the yes’s and less of the no’s, I turned and walked back into the house. I stood there, in our spot, and looked around the kitchen. There was Herman, Anna’s big white cat, still sleeping in the ugly green computer chair (a yard sale find that was going to find its way to the dump very soon.) Our magnet collection was still scattered across the refrigerator and Anna’s funny notes were still written on the chalkboard over the pantry. The only sounds were the rickety-click of the ceiling fan and the hum of the appliances. Everything seemed the same as it had ten minutes earlier – but it wasn’t. It was different – very different. It was as if the room knew that, this time, our lives really had changed forever. There was a hint of melancholy in the air, a longing

for the good old days when the three of us were here together almost every day. It wasn’t the same as the raw, visceral grief that I felt last year when she went away. This was a softer, mellower sadness. Imagine passing down your great-grandmother’s ring to your daughter, a treasured family heirloom that you’ve worn on the third finger of your right hand every single day for over thirty years You know it’s time to let it go and you’re thrilled to carry on the tradition. It makes you happy to see how pretty it looks on her hand and to know that she loves it as much as you do. You’d never dream of taking it back, but you really, really miss the feel of it on your finger; your hand feels empty without it. Well, I’ve given my treasure to the world. I know it’s time to let her go and I’m excited to carry on the tradition set by countless mothers before me. It’s a life I want her to have and I’d never hold her back, but I really, really miss the familiar feel of her being here with me. If you ask her what it is I miss so much, she’ll probably say that I miss my errand girl and computer geek. She’ll most likely tell you that I hate not knowing where she is and what she’s doing every minute of every day so that I can make sure she’s safe and happy. She’ll probably know that I miss talking to her about everything – reading, writing, movies, pets, family, friends, God, love, marriage, fashion, food and, sometimes, even sex. Everything. She might know that I miss watching Psych with her, that I won’t watch it without her because it’s just not the same unless she’s here laughing as hard as I am. Yes, she could tell you all that and she would be right. But I don’t think she knows how much I miss the little things – things like looking out the kitchen window and seeing her car parked in its spot or seeing her toothbrush in the glass on the bathroom counter. She might not know that I miss being a happy third wheel when she and her daddy are discussing music or baseball or NCIS or hearing them howl with laughter at some stand-up comic that I just don’t get. I don’t think she knows how much I love her in the mornings, a bit grumpy with wild hair and wilder pajamas. I miss hearing her call “"Heeeerrmeeee,” her cat, and I miss the way he loves her. I miss those times when we’re not talking, when we’re just quietly together in the house. I even miss the obnoxious ringtone of her cell phone because, when it rings, I know she’s home. I miss how, without notice, the ordinary becomes extraordinary. Like it does when, in the middle of one of our everyday talks about everyday things, she turns to me and says, “You’re my best friend.” How sometimes she seems to read my mind and say out loud the very thing I’ve been thinking or how, in the middle of an ordinary supper out, I look across a candlelit table and am absolutely gob-smacked by what a beautiful young woman she’s become. (How can this be my child?!) But, perhaps the best extraordinary ordinary moment of all comes at the end of the day when she lightly kisses my cheek and says, “G’night, Mama. I love you.” I know that it’s time for her to go and develop her grown-up muscles. I know that it’s time for her to learn to handle life’s little speed bumps on her own and that I need to become more of an encourager and less of a do-er. I know that it’s right for parts of her life to be totally separate from mine, that our hips need to be un-joined and that I really don’t need to know where she is and what she’s doing every minute of every day so I can make sure she’s safe and happy. In my heart, I know that she will always, always be my sweet baby girl; but, it’s time, now, for my treasured heirloom to sparkle on the hand of the world. Yep, I know all this. But I also know that I’m missing Anna.

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am a single mother of two girls, Madisyn, four-years-old, and Payton, who my children off in the mornings to their caretakers with a smile and kisses, then walk just recently turned one. Both my girls were born with a health condition. into my classroom and greet all my students with a warm smile and the energy that is Madisyn was born with three holes in her heart and Payton is currently fighting seizures. needed to give them the best possible education that I can give them. You could say that Madisyn, almost five-years-old and my girly-girl, is all princess! She’s very curi- being a teacher is like being a mom; you want all the children in your life to be successous and extremely confident in herself. She loves to dance, sing and dress up. She is ful and happy, so you do what it takes to accomplish that goal. Having one parent in the home is difficult. There are moments when all you completely opposite from me. Payton is my Saint Patrick’s Day baby so I like to refer to her as my lucky charm. She just recently turned a whopping one-year-old! She seems want to do is come home from work, relax a little and then tend to your nightly duties. When there is an extra set of hands there to help, you might just be able to sneak that to be very stubborn, which I pray is just a stage. Like all babies, she’s very curious. When Payton was born, she was a healthy baby girl. I thought,“This is going to quiet moment in every now and then. However, when you’re a single parent, that downbe easy.” I already had the mommy-thing down pat. I knew the routine of when to begin time is out of the question. The only wind-down time is when the children are asleep. to prepare them to sleep through the night; I knew which diaper brand that I liked the By then, you’re so exhausted, you crash. It’s also hard when you’re trying to complete some of your work at home or most, etc. With Payton, however, I wanted to go with the more environmentally-friendly kind. I attempted the cloth diapers and even purchased what I referred to as the work on furthering your career. Those activities are accomplished when the kids are “Cadillac of cloth diapers.” Payton had another plan. Her skin couldn’t tolerate the down and your brain is on its last limb, but you do it without thinking about it because cloth diapers no matter how often I changed her or what ointment I used. Her com- it has become part of your daily life. Having two parents instead of one would be a lot fort was the most important thing, so we reverted back to the regular Pampers. I knew easier when cooking dinner, doing the laundry, making lunches, cleaning the house or you how to purée baby food for her. That’s what I did for Madisyn and she loved it. To my get sick, but I’m a one-woman show and I’m proud of how far my children and I have surprise, Payton wasn’t going to have it. Not only did the whole eco-friendly diaper thing made it. This is the path which I chose and I will never regret it. My girls are worth go up in flames, so did the puréed food. She preferred the jarred baby food. Then, when every moment of difficulty that I encounter. In fact, I think they are why I’ve made it this she was about six-months-old, her doctor discovered that she was having seizures. This far in my career. They have become my moving force! I guess my biggest challenge has been to deal with Payton’s medical condition has been and continues to be the hardest challenge for me. We haven’t been able to control the seizures with her medication and I have to take her to Duke in North while finding every possible moment to try to create special moments for Madisyn so Carolina in hopes that they will find the right medication. Watching her play peacefully that she doesn’t feel left out. Finding ways to balance all of this while teaching full-time, and then suddenly fall into a seizure is hard to understand; it’s even harder to watch. working a second job at times and furthering my career either by completing my Knowing that there is nothing I can do to make this go away for her is difficult. All I can Master’s Degree or trying to complete my National Boards has been difficult but worth do is hold her and help her get through each one. She cries when it’s all over and looks every moment. When all is said and done, my girls are a blessing and the greatest joys in my life. They have been my driving force to conquer each day and a reminder for me at me with her tearful eyes as if to say, “Mommy, make it stop!” – and I can’t. Both my girls’ medical conditions have been hard to deal with. Having to fly to teach each one of my students the way that I would want my girls taught. When asked if I could do it again, would I change anything, my response is and Madisyn to New York for second opinions about her heart conditions was nerve-wrackwill always be “No!” My life has never been better and I have never been happier. Each ing, but we pulled through it and she is now a healthy little girl. I feel that Madisyn’s condition helped me to deal with Payton’s, which has proven to be more of an emotional day that my girls and I are blessed to spend together is just another wonderful memochallenge for all of us. Madisyn has been a trooper through it all, though. It was bad ry that I get to smile back on and be thankful for. enough when another little person came into her life and took away some of her attention, but knowing this new baby was being fussed over day-in and day-out because of seizures made it even worse. Matti has become my second eyes. She has taken it upon herself to look after Payton when my back is turned. I never asked her to take on this role because I want Erin Ruth and her two daughters, Madisyn and Payton, her to be a little girl and have fun without having to worry about watching her sister. live in Society Hill. She teaches fourth grade at Cheraw Intermediate in Cheraw, SC, in Chesterfield County. Nonetheless, she is so protective over Payton, she can’t help it. She’ll run to me and let me know if Payton falls into a seizure, then run back and start clapping at her saying, “Snap out of it! It’s okay!” She has been with me when Payton has had EEGs, MRIs, blood work and the endless visits to the doctors’ offices and emergency rooms and she still loves her little sister without any jealousy. Since my first daughter was born, I’ve received my Master’s Degree and now I’m currently working on receiving my National Board Certification. The battle of coming home from work and doing my nightly chores and spending time with my girls, reading books, singing songs or snuggling, has been one that I’ve done alone since the day my first daughter was born. After all the daily duties and the girls are in bed, I spend many nights working on the computer. It’s a very tiring process; but in the long run, it will pay off for my girls, my students and me. I have the responsibility of not only caring for my own children, but for those who are left in my hands to mold into good upstanding citizens. Even when I’m tired beyond description, I have to send

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Photo by Collin M. Smith Photography

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 85

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hen I was younger, I enjoyed working with children in daycare after

school and working with kids in summer camp and the recreation department. These experiences only reinforced my desire to have children of my own one day. When I found out that I was pregnant with my first child, I was terrified. I was eighteen and the man I was engaged to (and the father of my child) left me when he heard the news. Being a single mom was the absolute hardest thing I have done in my life. However, my experiences as a single mom definitely played a large role in my strength as a woman today. Today, Rachel is sixteen and a social butterfly. With the gift of compassion, she hopes to share that gift as a nurse someday. Rachel has a servant’s heart and her siblings love her. She is so much fun to be around. Her excitement for life is contagious. Just thinking about sitting in my first OB/GYN’s office with the doctor trying to talk me into an abortion is the biggest reason Rachel is so special to me. If he had succeeded, she wouldn’t be here today. Thank the Lord for the strength to persevere through that time in my life. I can’t imagine my life without Rachel. Jonny is eight-years-old. He’s special to me because he’s my only boy. He is full of energy, always curious, an animal and insect lover, very competitive, brave and not afraid to get his hands dirty. He’s very funny and has been known to tell people he wants to be a comedian when he grows up. Emma, our six-year-old, spends most of the day dressed as a princess, singing ballads to our dog, Frankie. Her best skill is art and she enjoys drawing and coloring. She also loves zebras. Emma is special because she has the ability to show affection and love to others at such a young age. She wants to be the next American Idol. Three-year-old Maggie is a free spirit. After being schlepped around so much, she has learned to go with the flow. She can make anyone smile with one of her giggles or her special Maggie-isms (baby talk). We just reached diaper-freedom with Maggie. During my early years as a mother, I wish someone had told me that people give false impressions about motherhood. For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me. I was always trying to live up to the myth of being a perfect mother. It took me many years to realize that I’m not a failure because there is no perfect mother. I have a sign in my house that reads,“A few clowns short of a circus.” That is so true to me because there are days I roar like lion and other days, I stomp on feelings like an elephant. Sometimes, life is like a three-ring circus and gets messy, but this is my beautiful mess. The biggest challenge I’ve faced as a mother is being (at one time) a single mom and then learning how to juggle all my children’s needs while sacrificing my own needs and wants. My greatest joy was seeing my two oldest children accept Jesus and getting baptized. Motherhood and my children have taught me to be a better person and have changed my perspective on life. My children have also taught me that I cannot fulfill all their needs or wants. A relationship with Christ is essential in order to fulfill their purposes. What a relief that this burden doesn’t fall on me. Looking ahead to the day when my children are no longer dependent on me and are ready to spread their wings, I hope to have instilled in them a spirit that seeks God first in everything they do. I’m not raising geniuses; I’m more concerned with matters of the heart and good character traits. I started homeschooling when Rachel was in the fifth grade. There were many reasons we chose to Caren (Greenspan) Coon, her husband, Doug, and their four children, Rachel (16), Jonny (8), Emma (6) and Maggie (3) live in Florence. She worked as a pregnancy counselor for years. Currently, Caren represents abused and neglected children in court by volunteering for the Florence County Guardian Ad Litem Program. She and her family are active at New Spring Church.

start homeschooling. An education in Christianity was one of the biggest reasons. In addition, homeschooling allows me, as the teacher, to work one-on-one with my children instead of them sharing the teacher with twenty-nine other students. This becomes even more important when you consider subjects that your child is struggling in. All children are different and will achieve different levels in different subjects over time. Homeschooling allows me the freedom to keep my children on their own level for each subject, regardless of the grade level they should be in. Finally, and most importantly, I was called by God. The hardest thing about homeschooling is teaching multiple children and multiple curriculums at the same time. In addition, it was difficult in the beginning because we didn’t get as much support from family and friends as we would have liked. My biggest reward has been watching my children learn regardless of my educational ability. Homeschool has brought my children and me closer because we constantly learn and experience things together. I love watching them discover things for the first time and get excited about this awesome planet. It’s a God thing. I know I was called by God to homeschool my children. For me, it’s about being obedient to God. I was more afraid not to do it than being afraid that I couldn’t do it. My fear outweighed my inadequacy. My advice to others who aren’t sure if they can be successful with homeschooling is if you are focused on Christ, all things are possible. I would never be able to homeschool without the strength I receive from God. Also, make the most of your moments today. Loosen up, look for the positive in whatever you are going through and make the memories you’ll all be able to sit around and laugh about for years to come. Motherhood is tough. The constant job of nurturing, loving, serving and just meeting basic needs on a daily basis can leave you feeling overwhelmed. Given the lack of appreciation shown by most children, it feels like a thankless job. I really have to make a conscious effort to remember I am nurturing children that God has entrusted to me. It truly is not about me and it never will be. My family is not an accident; the six of us were ordained by God to be together. My children bless me and fill my life with so much unimaginable joy. I can’t waste any time worrying about gratitude. I believe that motherhood is a gift and I am truly thankful for it.

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Everyone Needs A Strong Support System ESPECIALLY MOMS As a mother of 2 wonderful children, I have said, “I wish I had a few extra hands.” Being a good spouse, taking care of the kids, running a household, volunteering, and perhaps even working outside of the home is a balancing act that can be exhausting. Having a good support system of friends, family and community can make all the difference in the world and make your life a lot easier. Yet one of the most important and overlooked support systems is the one that holds you upright, protects your central nerve system, moves you, and keeps you healthy. Of course this is your spine! Lifting kids, carrying laundry, unloading groceries, sitting at a computer, and all of the other daily physical activities in your life can take their toll on your spine and nerve system, especially when you find yourself rushing around with little time to exercise and sleep. Managing all of these responsibilities and having a career outside the home can add even more stress to an already full schedule. Many women begin to feel their spines wear down during pregnancy, when the weight gains and pelvic movements during this process cause pressure on the spine and nerve system and make them feel old before their time. Research has shown that chiropractic care during pregnancy will keep a woman’s pelvis properly aligned while the fetus grows, resulting in an easier birth process and a shorter labor. As babies grow into heavier children, mothers often find that lifting kids in and out of cars and carrying them up and down stairs accelerates the wear and tear on their bodies and keeps them from functioning at 100 percent. Dr. Donna says “To help alleviate the effects of these spinal strains you should lift with your legs instead of your back, maintain good posture even when holding children, tone your muscles through regular exercise and get enough rest. Furthermore, you should keep your spine and nerve system healthy and in line with regular chiropractic care, rather than wait around for the inevitable severe episode of pain or health problems.” Chiropractic care is beneficial before, during and after pregnancy. In addition to keeping your spinal bones aligned, chiropractic care removes interference within your body’s nerve system, optimizing your immune system to help you avoid the flu and colds that so many mothers of school-age children contract. Chiropractic care benefits grandmothers too. Seniors are stronger, healthier and more active when they receive routine chiropractic adjustments because a nerve system free from interference strengthens all cells, tissues, organs, and systems in the body. For millions of moms, chiropractic care provides the support system that keeps them healthy, balanced, straight and strong, so they can not only juggle activities and cope with the stress of daily life, but also thrive and express their full potential. - Dr. Donna Klucharich Happy Mother’s Day!

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“through the eyes of a grandmother”

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was taking on. But, I knew she could handle them. My older daughter, Lee, was not blessed with a child until the age of 33. At this – and two girls are what I got. I recall a friend who jokingly commented after the birth of my second daughter that it was as though my children were mail-ordered, both beautiful time, her younger sister had two children. By this time, Hope had already broken me in with the pleasures of being a grandmother. Nonetheless, I was ecstatic for Lee, havbaby girls with blonde hair. Raising my children and partially growing up with them, I am now reaping the ing previous attempts and procedures fail. This was her time! She and her husband, Harlan, were married fifteen years before the blessing rewards. My greatest joy is seeing both my girls grow into responsible adults, each independent with a good career and even after the obstacles each one has endured. It makes of a child. Knowing in advance the baby’s gender, they had already chosen a name for me happy to know they have fulfilling, happy adulthoods. In my eyes, however, and regard- their expected bundle of joy, Kingston Bane. Kingston came from a family name of King less of their age, they will always be my children. I will always be concerned with their well- and Bane is a Hawaiian name, meaning “long-awaited child.” As a nurse, Lee recognized something was not right; she was afraid she was in being and I will always fulfill the role as their mother – and now, their friend. Just as we have had many good and fun memories, we have experienced problems. Nonetheless, we premature labor during her twenty-fourth week of pregnancy. After she waited so long for the blessing of a child, she was now faced with a fifty-percent birth survival rate if pulled together when there were challenging and difficult times. My story begins to unfold when I married Eugene Smith in December of 2001. she was in premature labor. Soon, her dreaded fear became a reality. Being admitted He already had two grandchildren. At the time of our wedding, both his daughter and my to the hospital because of early labor symptoms, a couple days of medication with posyounger daughter broke the news that they were expecting. Within six months, we had sible negative side effect reactions such as pulmonary concerns and fourteen hours four grandchildren between us. Our family grew with the recent additions of Kingston and being positioned with her feet over her head in an effort to stop the early labor were Haley, two preemies born August 31, 2008 and January 17, 2009. We now have seven grand- only temporary solutions. From then on, the medical plan for Lee was to complete children. I was a grandmother before I could blink my eyes and before I had time to think hospital bed rest in an effort to stop delivery until at least a gestational age of thirty weeks was complete, increasing the baby’s survival rate to ninety percent. about it. I just rolled up my sleeves to begin my new role. Nevertheless, on Sunday morning,August 31, 2008, after the fourth day in the My younger daughter, Hope, was my first child to become pregnant. “No, you can’t do this to me,” I teased her. I couldn’t yet be compared to the age of a grandmother. hospital, Lee went into labor the second time. For fear of possible infection affecting Actually, I was happy for her but also concerned with the permanent responsibilities she the baby, her doctor would not make a second attempt to stop the labor process. It was a busy Labor Day weekend, with four deliverCollin M. Smith Photography ies and one doctor on call. The baby was delivered in bed in the doorway on the way to delivery. If we had not insisted Lee be checked, she may have had this child in her room with her family delivering him. Weighing only one pound and eleven ounces, Kingston remained in the NICU at McLeod Regional Medical Center in Florence for three months. It was seventeen days before my daughter could actually hold her baby boy. Prior to that, we could only touch him very tenderly or hold his hand. What an amazing experience it was to receive his response and for him to be aware of someone there considering the fact he was so premature. Lee returned to work in three weeks so that she would have more time to spend with Kingston when he was able to leave the hospital. He came home just in time for Thanksgiving, wearing a monitor for his breathing and heart rate. Today, he still wears his monitor while sleeping at night. He requires very cautious care, especially through this last season due to the respiratory syncytial virus (RSV), which would be very detriContinued ... mental should he contract it.

s a little girl, I dreamed of having children. I remember wanting two girls

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It’s strange, but I had a feeling of something similar happening to Hope on one of the days she visited Kingston in the NICU. After two healthy fullterm pregnancies with short labors and easy deliveries, my younger daughter, Hope McLendon, had high hopes that her third pregnancy would end the same. However, it ended in a very different manner. Around New Year’s Day, she began experiencing (what she was told in the past) muscle spasms in her back. She had experienced these spasms periodically before and even during her first pregnancy, but they never lasted as long as they did this time. On January 17, 2009, thirty-three weeks pregnant with her third child, she woke up at 5 AM with a warm sensation that went down her legs and then a loss of sensation and function that followed. After lying in the bed for a few minutes thinking that the feeling would return, she woke up her husband, who called EMS, thus beginning the scariest day of their lives. After an evaluation by her Ob/Gyn, Dr. Lynn Clary, and multiple tests, it was determined that she had a mass on her spine causing spinal cord compression, which caused the paralysis she was experiencing from her sternum down. The decision was unanimous in that emergency surgeries were to be performed. Immediately following a C-section to deliver a premature baby girl, she underwent back surgery by Dr. James Brennan and Dr. William Naso to remove the mass and, hopefully, allow her to regain function in her legs. The next few days were the most difficult days she has ever endured. Not knowing what the future would hold and separation from all three of her children were the most difficult parts of the whole situation. However, she felt the hands of God holding her up even when she literally could not stand on her own. By His grace and the power of many prayers, she was able to wiggle the toes on her right foot by the next morning. She continued to see small signs of progress everyday thereafter. The baby, Hayden Briley, progressed amazingly well for a baby of her gestational age. She required only minimal respiratory assistance for the first couple days of her life. Other than jaundice and a few episodes of apnea, she experienced no other complications associated with a preemie. After two weeks in the NICU, Hayden was ready for discharge to join her father Charles, Jr. (Chuck) and her other two siblings, Madison Grace (6) and Tate Edward (4) in their Hartsville home. In the meantime, after two days in the Trauma Surgical Care Unit and two days in a regular room at McLeod Health, Hope was transferred to Carolinas Acute In-Patient Rehab to begin a spinal injury rehabilitation program copied from Atlanta, Georgia, under the care of Dr. Dean Lorenz. During this week and a half, she underwent three hours of physical therapy and occupational therapy per day. She took her first steps on January 23 and by the next day, she had achieved a distance of seventy-five feet with the assistance of a walker. By discharge on January 31, she was walking with a cane. She must continue physical therapy as an outpatient to steady her balance and walk unaided by a cane. Even though she has experienced two major surgeries, the birth of a premature baby, separation from her family and an intense rehabilitation program, Hope was very determined not to let that keep her down. As a wife, mother and nurse, she was very motivated to regain her mobility and get back home to her family life. Kingston, born sixteen weeks early, experienced severe apnea periods without breathing, leading to bradycardia or a decreased heart rate, which the family was well-prepared for by the NICU staff. Among the many things that Kingston could have experienced were brain bleeds, cerebral palsy, hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain), vision problems that could include blindness, hearing problems – and the list goes on. Haley was born seven weeks early and was not as critical as Kingston; however, she was not out of the woods as far as disabilities were concerned. Hope feared for both herself and Hayden. Hope’s additional fear included her two older children and husband if her spinal cord tumor caused permanent damage. I had faith and peace during the tragedies my daughters experienced. I can only imagine how they felt, uncertain as to what the future would hold. As nurses, they were much more aware of what could have been. My strength came from the love for my daughters. I was not by myself in that regard. Both girls were very fortunate in that they had a lot of support with a long prayer line that grew across the country. I hope that I have passed along to my daughters the importance of their children knowing their families and the importance of setting examples for their children to work together as a family through thick and thin. Being a grandmother is different from being a mother. Looking back, I have become a better mother since becoming a grandmother. In admitting I didn’t know everything then, I can improve from my past experiences. I have so many precious memories of my children. Now, I hope to remain healthy and live long enough to watch my children make precious memories with their children – and for me to make wonderful memories with my grandchildren.

• • • • •

Karen Poston Smith is only the child of now-deceased parents, Ulysses and Marlies Poston. She worked in banking 25 years, having served several positions prior to her current role as a Realtor with RE/MAX Professionals, a gracious contributor to many worthy cause Pictured on previous page- (First row standing): Madison Grace McLendon, Tate Edward McLendon, (Babies held 2nd row): Hayden Briley McLendon, Kington Bane Broughton (3rd row): Hope McLendon , Karen Lee Broughton

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n December 5, 2008, I became a first-time Mommy to, honestly, the two most beautiful twin girls. A few weeks later, we were all home – Lilly, Kayden and me. My husband went back to work and it hit me; there were no more nurses, no more husband and no more visiting friends. It’s just me and them! Things were going along pretty well until about day three of being home alone with the girls. On this day, I was startled awake from my two hours of sleep by Lilly who was apparently hungry and she did not want to wait at all. We began to feed and everything was okay until Kayden decided it was her turn, too. In the hospital, I practiced breastfeeding with them together. Well, at home, it is not the same! Over time, I’ve learned that sometimes, one is going to cry until I can get to her – and that’s okay. Since having the girls, one important thing I’ve learned is that I will never ask someone if they are still breastfeeding again. People ask this question all the time and don’t think about how it affects the new mom. Oh, the pressure and guilt a new mom can feel about breastfeeding. We’re trained to think that if we don’t, we are putting our baby in danger; therefore, I wanted nothing more than to

breastfeed until the girls were a year old. I fed and I pumped and I did everything I knew to do, but the stress of having two new babies was too much on my body and my milk production slowed. I started supplementing with formula. You would have thought someone had shot me in the foot the way I acted over that first bottle of formula! I had this idea that kept running through my head, “If I lived in the old days, my babies would starve!” Now, my thoughts are that they’re getting full from the formula and everything else is coming in small doses from breast milk. Up until I had the girls, I think I may have changed five diapers in my whole life. I was definitely not a pro. I went to a class, though, so I thought I knew it all now. Nope! There was one wonderful Thursday morning that I had gotten a full three hours of sleep and everyone was doing so well. Nevertheless, in the back of my mind, I was wondering when the poop was going to hit the fan. Well, about 2:00 P.M., I was changing Lilly and she looked at me with the brightest grin. I was so excited because I swore it was because she loved me. I was in the midst of changing her diaper when all of a sudden, there was poop everywhere – the bed, the wall, me, her, me again and even the carpet! This was the day the nursery went from “How beautiful and comforting!” to “That’s the girls’ room.” Eventually, I did okay with no sleep and I’m learning to adapt to broken sleep (although, I think that’s harder than no sleep at all). It’s all about the tease. I laugh when I set my alarm clock because I know I’ll never get to actually hear it go off again. My new alarms are way cuter than my old one anyway. A fanatic about my house, I always tried to keep it company-ready – clean and no clutter. Needless to say, that has all changed. With one baby, there’s a lot of stuff; with two babies, there’s double a lot. (A piece of advice for other twin moms-to-be: you don’t need two of everything!) My living room, which had previously been decorated in a very modern look with my beloved red sofa, is now sporting a Pack ‘n Play made for twins, two bouncy seats and a swing. The guest bed is constantly covered in baby clothes that need to be folded or have been but haven’t made it to a drawer yet. The bathroom that was decorated to look like a high-fashion Paris dressing room is now home to rubber ducky nozzle covers, temperature testers, a small bathtub that has a bubbler on it (I need a bubbler) and a giant frog that is full of more toys than should be allowed in an entire house, much less the bathroom. Even my bedroom (which I swore would remain a place of adult décor) is now where the Boppy Loungers remain. I just leave them in my bedroom now because there isn’t any point in moving them back and forth anymore. My girls can’t even walk and they run my home – and that’s okay. With all this and so much more that I just can’t even begin to get into right now, Lilly and Kayden are the joys of my life. I spent a lot of time wondering what my purpose is. God taught me patience because I waited and I waited. When my daughters were born, I realized that my purpose is to be Mommy to the two most perfect little girls I have ever seen. They can spend the whole day making me crazy and one second of that humming from Lilly when she’s just about asleep or the sweet smile that Kayden will flash me right before I walk away from the crib makes it all worth it. When it seems too much to handle, I take a deep breath, smell the scent that only a baby has and thank God for all my blessings.

• • • • •

Erin Segars Faile, her husband, Cameron, and their twin daughters, Lilly and Kayden, live in Florence. She is the Community Health Coordinator for McLeod Health.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 91

It’s More Than A Store... Thousands of New and Used Books!

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Come By Customer Service And Tell Us “She Sent Me” To Receive A Special Discount!

Visit With Us on Saturday, May 2nd for the annual Yard Sale of the Carolinas on Main Street! All proceeds benefit terminally ill patients and their families served by Hospice of Chesterfield County. Donations of new and gently used items are greatly appreciated.

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1303 W. EVANS S FLORENCE, SC (843) 468-9700 7142 WOODROW ST. • IRMO, SC • (803) 796-9296

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eing a mother brings me indescribable joy. I would say I have

more joy than heartaches. Of course, there are many challenges (especially if you are a working mom), but these only fortify my dedication and keep me going. When I first learned that I was expecting, I had mixed feelings, mainly because of the anticipated physical strain and responsibility of motherhood. After a while, it was only joyful and eager expectation, knowing I was so blessed to become a mother. My childbirth experience was tough, but my mother and my husband were with me at all times and made things a little bit easier. My eldest daughter, Razelle, is a second-year medical student. She graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Medical Technology, Magna Cum Laude. She is diligent and perseveres and has a very strong drive to succeed. Ronald, my eldest son, will graduate, earning a Bachelor’s Degree in Chemistry, Cum Laude. He is very intelligent, strong-willed and independent. My younger daughter is Raquel. A junior in high school, she is a member of the National Honor Society and in the top ten of her class. She is well motivated, sweet, sensitive and kind. Raymund is my youngest son. He is a gymnast and represented Florence twice in the regional competition. He is physically gifted and learns things quickly. He is also doing very well in school and is a loving and generous child. All my children make me very proud and, indeed, make my life more meaningful. Each one is very special and unique and I could go on describing them with all the wonderful attributes that a mother would be proud of. As a working mother, my biggest challenge is not raising them, but making time for them. My husband, Rick, has been very supportive of my career and if not for him, raising my children would be more challenging. My greatest joy is when I see my children successful and happy. Having them all at home during Thanksgiving and Christmas and watching them having fun makes life worthwhile. I really don’t know if there is something else I needed to know or should have known about motherhood. Loving and being a good mother should be an instinct. It is also a learning process, understanding that all tribulations and triumphs are good learning experiences that make you a better mother. I now realize and understand why my mother and my grandmother were so strict, conservative and, at times, overprotective. When we love our children, we tend to be overprotective to the point that they think we don’t trust them. Looking back, I am very grateful that my mother and my grandmother did what they thought was good and virtuous for me. Watching my children grow teaches me life’s lesson. They teach me the virtues of patience, unconditional love and giving beyond measure. I also learned that I worry too much about them, but I guess we all do for our children.

As a Pulmonologist and Critical Care Specialist, I spend long hours in the hospital and in my office seeing patients. This curtails the time I have with my children; however, I spend quality time with them as much as possible. I am so blessed to have a loving and wonderful husband who stands by me through all the struggles and my children are very understanding and giving. They love me as I am and are proud that I am a doctor and serving other people besides them. Balancing work and motherhood is not easy. My motto is, live the present moment. When I am at home, I do what I need to do and do it with love. When I am at work, I do the same. This alleviates stress, knowing that I am doing the best I can. I hope that I have instilled in my children strong family values and love for family. I want them to cherish the memories we have while we are together as one family. Hopefully, they will keep coming back home with their spouses and children and spend some memorable and fun times with us.

• • • • •

Collin M. Smith Photography Dr. Heidi Arsua Berdin and her wonderful husband, Rick, have four children, Razelle, Ronald, Raquel and Raymund. She is Board Certified in Pulmonology, Internal and Critical Care Medicine and is also a Board Certified Sleep Disorders Specialist and a member of the medical staff at Carolinas Hospital System.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 93

Marion School District One would like to

Congratulate Christie Baker

MARION INTERMEDIATE SCHOOL

Stacy Wilbanks

EASTERLING PRIMARY SCHOOL

Karen Graham

MARION HIGH SCHOOL

John Washington JONAKIN MIDDLE SCHOOL

Marion’s

Teachers of the Year 2009! for more informationVisit:

theswampfox.com

May 15th & 16th Join us for a day of entertainment, arts & crafts, food, fun, & more at the 2009 Marion FoxTrot Festival. FRIDAY, MAY 15TH • Fox Field movie starts at dusk

Movie & Fireworks Display outdoor family entertainment GATES OPEN AT 6:00 PM ($2.00 GATE FEE) Concessions provided by Marion HS Booster Club

SATURDAY, MAY 16TH • 7:00 PM - 10:00 PM Fox Field • $2.00 Entrance Fee

Terence Lonon & The Untouchables delights with an extensive array of cherished Motown hits, forgotten golden oldies, swingin' New Orleans Jazz and Blues, Carolina Beach & Shag, pulsating Old School Funk, timeless Rhythm & Blues favorites, Swing music & high energy Current & Classic dance tunes.

Concessions Provided By Marion HS Booster Club

SATURDAY, MAY 16TH • 9:00 AM - 6:00 PM INTERNATIONAL FOOD COURT • ARTS AND CRAFTS ENTERTAINMENT • ANTIQUE CAR AND TRACTOR SHOW • CHILDREN & ADULT AMUSEMENT RIDES PETTING ZOO • PONY RIDES • CAMEL RIDES P L U S DOWNTOWN BUSINESSES WILL BE OPEN TO WELCOME YOU!

PARADE BEGINS AT 10:00 AM Other Entertainment

93a

performing Noon- 6pm where South Main St. & Goldbold St. Meet Totally Committed

Emmalyn Davis Dance School

Gospel

Marion Mass Choir Gospel

Johnakin Choir Various

The Little Temptations Rhythm & Blues

Ha Ha The Clown Justin Roberts School of Dance

And many more local performers!

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t the mature age of three, I became a mother when Santa brought

one of my first baby dolls to me. Holding that baby, feeding her, burping her, changing her and our daily strolls around the house gave me such pleasure. Oh, the twangs of guilt I felt when I realized I had fallen asleep and she had spent the night on a cold floor. Even ten years later as I was making my transition into adulthood, it was somewhat of a struggle to leave my baby doll behind. I don’t know exactly when I knew for sure that I would be a mother. My husband will say I convinced him he wanted children. I say I always made it clear that children were in my future and it would be really nice if they were his. This year, we will celebrate the blessing of twenty-six years of marriage and, yes, the children are his. In 1983, Danny and I were married. In 1985, after two negative pregnancy tests (at an Ob/Gyn no less), I found out I was expecting our first child. I was stunned, elated and scared out of my mind. The look in my precious husband’s eyes when I blubbered the news was one of the sweetest sights I have ever seen. As the months progressed, we both experienced physical and emotional changes. For me, it was the everexpanding belly and days of wild cleaning. For Danny, it was helping me eat all the strange things I cooked with tons of garlic and taking power tool usage to a new level while making needed repairs around the house. It was a given that we would attend Lamaze classes and that I would give birth with the least amount of pain medication. Our first few sessions were wonderful since Danny waited on my every need, murmured words of encouragement and massaged my back. During the end of our course, we were shown a video featuring a live birth. The woman in front of me groaned as we watched, wide-eyed, a vaginal birth. My jaw hit the floor and I realized I’d made a big mistake and needed to turn this bus around! In the meantime, my husband sat enthralled and commented that it was “the coolest thing” he’d ever seen. I believe I decided at that moment, there better be enough drugs from start-to-finish while I delivered our child. In the last few weeks of the pregnancy, doctor visits came almost weekly. During one of my last examinations, my doctor’s concerned comment alarmed me. He told me I needed an ultrasound and to get ready; he’d be back to perform the exam himself. I tried not to cry. I tried not to be alarmed, but my heart was trying to come out of my chest as my mind raced over every possible problem. Could I cope? Could I endure? Was my once-bright view of the future becoming a black cloud of horror? As the doctor applied the gel and began the ultrasound, he calmly explained that the baby was not “in position.” He was not turned for the head to come down the birth canal; he was in a breech position. If the position did not change, a Cesarean Section would be necessary to deliver him safely. What? The baby was a he (something we did not know) and I might need surgery? My mind was reeling. I vaguely remember driving home. I do remember getting to the driveway, turning off the car and crying like there was no tomorrow. I remember my husband knocking on the window and seeing his furrowed brow. As he ripped open my car door, he bent down and asked what was wrong. In between blowing my nose and wiping my eyes, I told him there was good news and bad news. “Okay,” he said, “tell me the good news first.” My husband heard nothing about having a Cesarean because when he heard the baby was a boy, his eyes clouded over and his mind drifted into a testosterone haze.

The night came that our son, Cliff, was ready to make his debut. I kissed my husband goodnight as he slept in his recliner and then I slipped into bed.With a sigh, my water broke and time stood still. What was I supposed to do? Well, I did need to roll my hair. I needed to call my employer (which just happened to be the hospital). “Wait,” I thought,“first things first, tell my husband and call Mamma.” My mother told me to call the doctor and I told my husband to call my supervisor. I don’t know who my husband rambled on to, but it wasn’t my supervisor. My doctor didn’t seem to understand that I needed to roll my hair as he kept telling me to go to the emergency room immediately and he would be waiting for me. Once I was ready, my husband jumped in the car, cranked it and gunned the engine. I followed with my suitcase. As I came around the vehicle, I had a contraction which caused me to double over and I placed my hand on the hood to steady myself. In his concern, my husband rolled his window down and sweetly asked,“Well, are you coming or not?” (I think I growled.) At the hospital, I was evaluated and it was determined that I would, in fact, need a Cesarean because the baby was still in the breech position. My husband was instructed to gown-up while I was prepped for surgery. I remember begging the woman with the Bic Disposable Razor to please let me leave with the body parts I came in with. I remember being wheeled to the delivery room, seeing my husband dressed and ready before the doctor was. I remember hearing a blood-curdling scream from a room down the hall. Wide-eyed, I asked what was going on. My mother told me it was a girl I had gone to school with and she had been in labor for six hours. Another contraction seized my abdomen. I squeezed my eyes shut and I remember my husband gently holding my hand and calmly saying, “Open your eyes, breathe and focus.” Then, I seem to remember grabbing him by the scruff of the neck and in flowery language, tell him he could get up on the gurney and deliver this baby. He didn’t make that mistake again. In the delivery room, I was given an epidural and the surgery began. I tried to watch as much as I could via the overhead mirror, but I don’t do blood very well. Thank the Lord for my husband’s soothing words as the medical staff worked to bring our son into the world. In a short amount of time, we heard the cries of a baby – our baby. I cry now just remembering this incredible moment in our lives. Later, in the recovery room, my mother ministered to her own child while Danny sat in a corner holding Cliff and telling him how happy he was that he now had someone to help mow the grass.

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The next day, I held our firstborn for the first time. I believe the earth shook (unless it was me shaking so badly and I had the two confused). At that moment, all the weight of the responsibility of motherhood descended. What had I done bringing this precious, beautiful, innocent creature into the world? Softly and peacefully, God spoke to my heart. I hadn’t done anything. The child was His and always would be. He was only granted to us for a season to raise. This little boy was known before time by God and greatly loved. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:11-13).Three years later, our daughter, Sarah Cullens, blessed our home with her birth. She, too, was a breech baby and was born by C-section. Sarah decided to make her appearance into the world about three weeks early, catching her parents totally off guard. The nursery was not ready and her mother had to drive herself to the hospital while her daddy found someone to watch her brother. Today, Cliff is 23, a graduate of The Citadel and a candidate for the mission field with the International Missions Board. Sarah Cullens is a sophomore at FlorenceDarlington Technical College and works part-time at the Ebenezer Weekday Academy. Our time together has gone by so quickly, but I cherish all the memories and rejoice in thoughts of the future. It was just yesterday I was playing baby doll for real, but it will be tomorrow that I will have even more to be thankful for – thankful that God allowed me to be mother to two outstanding individuals. I still wonder who their parents are. Nonetheless, I know they have a Heavenly Father that will not fail them.

The truth about motherhood is you’re never fully prepared to step into the role of mother. You fly by the seat of your pants most of time and just as you utter the question,“Will I ever sleep through the night again?” you turn around and your babies are young adults spreading their wings and flying away from the nest. Motherhood is one of the most challenging, rewarding and adventurous roles a woman could experience. Motherhood is a gift and a blessing from the Father (Proverbs 31:10-31).

• • • • •

Kitty Daniels and her husband of twenty-six years, Danny, live in Florence in the Oakdale Community. They have a son, Cliff, and a daughter, Sarah Cullens. She has her own business, Daniels Diversified Management, LLC.

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hen I went to college, I was unsure that I would ever have children. I was career-driven and didn’t know how it would all fit together. My friends were getting married and having children right after college and even though I enjoyed their children, I still didn’t know if it was for me. I waited to have children for many reasons. First, I wanted to have a stable career. Second, I wanted to be married a while so that my husband and I could enjoy married life first. Probably the biggest reason, however, was my fear of the unknown; I was scared of how having a child would change everything. When I learned I was expecting, I was on vacation for a week at my beach house. My husband had left on Monday to go to work and something told me to take a pregnancy test. I was doing a painting project that week and wanted to be safe if I was pregnant. I took several tests and they were all positive. I was shocked at first, but I had time to bond with the idea before I told anyone else. I was excited and afraid and wondered if I would be a great mom. Now, I’m 38-years-old with a 17-month-old little girl, Jenna. My pregnancy was excellent. I continued to work full-time, work out and even helped renovate a new house for my family to live in after baby arrived. I rarely had any morning sickness. I enjoyed being pregnant. I couldn’t comprehend what being a mom would be like until Jenna arrived on November 15, 2007. When the physician held her up in the air for my husband and me to see, I was amazed that that baby came out of me! When I got to hold her in the recovery room and she immediately knew I was her mother, I cried. My best friend, Missy, was my Labor and Delivery Nurse and she helped me to understand all that I was feeling. It was a great moment and that was the start of a wonderful journey. From then on, my life has been changed in ways that only a mom can know. When I went home with Jenna, I didn’t have a clue how to take care of her. I knew how to change diapers, but that was about it. The biggest job – and surprisingly, it came very natural – was to just love her. Everything else fell into place. I had many sleepless nights, but something kept me going. I feel it was the bond we shared and the love that energized me every day. The day Jenna was born, my whole world changed. I was so emotional because I felt so blessed. I really didn’t know the love I would feel until I saw her and she looked at me and depended on me. Now, I ask myself why I waited so long to have children. If I had known how special the relationship of mother to child would be, I may have had a child sooner. Sometimes, I do regret not having children sooner because I would have had a house full by now. Nonetheless, I do believe in purpose and timing. The timing of my pregnancy was right for me and my life. I don’t know of one specific thing that made having a child at an older age a difficult experience. I will say that because I was older, I had to make extreme changes in my life to take care of Jenna and all that having a child entails. Before having her, I would come home from work, unwind and relax. Now, I come home and there is still so much to do. I don’t have much time to unwind and relax now. At age 37, I think I was better prepared to experience motherhood because I’ve already experienced so much in my life. Those experiences and life lessons have made me wiser and more equipped to be a parent. Now, seventeen-month-old Jenna Caroline Prevatte smiles and laughs all the time. She’s fun-loving,

Collin M. Smith Photography

free-spirited and very attached to me. She’s so smart, I wonder if I have a genius in the making. Everything about her makes her special. The biggest challenge of motherhood for me has been to find a balance with work. As a Nurse Director, I’m responsible for approximately eighty employees and thirty-two patients (and more) every day, twenty-four hours a day. That can be very tough and is definitely a work-in-progress area. I’ve built my unit with the strongest employees; they know my expectations and they are a superb group to work with. I’ve always known that if you surround yourself with the best, you’ll succeed. With their help, I’m still able to give my career one-hundred percent and as long as I can do that, I’ll remain in my career. I also give my family and home one-hundred percent effort, so what’s left? Not much. I try to work out at the gym for one hour, three to four days a week; that’s the only time that’s just mine. I’m also in graduate school to obtain my Master’s Degree in Healthcare Administration. To have the correct balance, I stay organized and I have a supportive husband and family. Weekends are very sacred; my main focus is family and home on weekends. In the end, my heart is so full of love and joy, everything else works itself out. I have a great mother, but I never knew the love she had for me until I had Jenna. Now, I appreciate my mom more and understand her better. I’ve actually apologized for any hurt or worry that I caused her. Of course, she said I was a good child and didn’t give her any trouble. That’s what a mom who loves her child unconditionally would say. Looking ahead to the day when Jenna is no longer dependent on me and she’s ready to spread her wings, the most important thing I hope I’ve instilled in her is independence, but also for her to know that it’s okay to let people do things for her. I want her to know that if she wants a career, she can have it and build a wonderful family. I want her to know how special life and people are so that she can have passion for everything. I want her to be free-spirited and not worry about the small things. Motherhood has taught me that life is special. It’s what you make of it and the little things don’t matter as much. Having a family and enjoying every moment is what life is about. My greatest joy is seeing the love between my husband and Jenna and how their relationship grows every day. Jenna has taught me patience and innocence. I look at her and see the future – one that is so bright.

• • • • • Kelley Rogers Prevatte, her husband, Bobby, and their daughter, Jenna, live in Effingham. She is the Director of 9th Surgical Unit at McLeod Regional Medical Center. Kelley enjoys working out at the gym, spending time with family and enjoying their beach house in Garden City.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 97

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s a little girl growing up, I always dreamed of getting married and starting

a family. That dream became a reality when I married my high school sweetheart and soul mate, Kevin Elliott. We wanted to start having children right away. After only nine months of marriage, I found out that I was pregnant. We were overwhelmed with excitement, nervousness and lots of joy. Our lives changed that day. Little did we know how much more it would change after giving birth to a precious little boy we named Matthew. He was born perfectly healthy; however, two months later, he began having seizures. Matthew was diagnosed with epilepsy before he was two-years-old. His battle with epilepsy has been a long and hard road for us all but especially for Matthew. Nonetheless, he is such a trooper. He had surgery in February 2001 for a Vagal Nerve Stimulator (VNS) implantation to hopefully help control his seizures. It did not. We saw doctors at MUSC in Charleston for eight years and things did not get better. Matthew was having up 60 seizures in a single day. We decided to seek other doctors in Charlotte and at Duke University but with no success of controlling the seizures. The many hospital stays, numerous medication changes and tests performed have been more than stressful for our whole family. But, we put all of our trust and faith in God and He brought us (and still brings us) through any obstacles we are faced with. People ask me all the time how I am so strong. I simply say, “My strength comes from my faith in God.” We all know that God works in mysterious ways, but it wasn’t until October 2005 when my husband, Kevin, had a seizure, did things begin to go in a different direction for our family. Matthew began seeing the same neurologist as Kevin in Florence. This doctor treated him for almost a year and after another hospital stay, he suggested we see the doctors at the Medical College of Georgia (MCG) in Augusta. We first went in October 2006 and began immediately with all sorts of tests – some that we hadn’t even heard of. After extensive testing, our amazing team of doctors suggested that Matthew have brain surgery to try and remove the abnormal tissue that was causing the seizures. That was hard to hear and harder to comprehend. How could we let our child have brain surgery? We prayed and asked God to help us decide what was best for Matthew. He did and we proceeded with surgery in March 2007. After a two-week hospital stay and a three-part brain surgery, we went home. Matthew’s seizures did decrease, but he continued to have them. He was also left with some weakness on the left side of his body, which he receives therapy for twice a week. It’s very difficult to see your child struggle some with walking and not be able to use his left hand as he once did. But, as a family, we look at this as another challenge God has given us and we know that if God brings you to it, He will see you through it. We continued to see the doctors at MCG and repeated tests. We went to Spartanburg for MRIs because of the VNS and also to the University of Alabama in Birmingham, Alabama, for an MEG study. Then we got the devastating news that we were afraid of; our team of doctors suggested that Matthew have brain surgery again. Of course this was hard to swallow for all of us, but we knew God was with us and this must be His will. In October 2008, Matthew had his second brain surgery. This time, however, it was two parts instead of three. It was a lifechanging event for our family and friends. Praise God, Matthew has been seizure-free since October 19, 2008 and has not experienced any new side effects from the surgery. Vickie Elliott and her husband of fifteen years, Kevin, live in Effingham, SC. They have one son, Matthew (13). She has worked for Blue Cross Blue Shield almost 17 years.

We continue to see our wonderful doctors and their staff in Augusta and Matthew still takes medication for precautions. If anyone has ever wondered if God really answers prayers, Matthew is proof that he does. God uses him to uplift my spirit when I’m down; his smile and laugh could brighten anyone’s day. He is also using Matthew to touch other lives. Matthew has this sense of peace and comfort about him that makes people fall in love with him. Only thirteen-years-old, he is an inspiration to so many. People have told me that seeing Matthew handle everything he has been through makes them want to be a better Christian. Hearing that my child does that for others makes me the proudest mom ever. Definitely, the most difficult part of my motherhood has been watching my child go through everything he has had to. Being the parent of a child with special needs is very stressful and challenging; however, it is very rewarding. He used to run and play like other children; but, now, he has to wear an AFO brace on his left leg for support due to the weakness left after his brain surgery. Because he was left-handed before surgery, he had to learn to write with his right hand. Matthew is not on the same level as other children his age, but we celebrate every little milestone that he reaches. The most joyful part of my motherhood is seeing the glorious work that God has done in Matthew’s life. With everything this child has been through, he lets nothing keep him down. His faith that God will take care of anything put in his path shines through his every action. He has adjusted incredibly well to everything, never complains or wants to know why. He is our inspiration. Praise God, he is not having any seizures now and he is so precious to his father and me. We couldn’t imagine things being any different. Although Kevin and I never had any more children, we know God blessed us with a very special little boy. We are blessed that He chose us to be the parents of our precious Matthew. We hope we live up to His expectations of us in being the best parents we can be.

• • • • •

Collin M. Smith Photography

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 99

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by Cookie Cawthon

V

ictoria Zybko has a lot of this stuff figured out. Seriously, she does

motherhood in a way that makes many envious (myself included) – not because she has mastered some façade of perfection but simply because she seems to have such a blast doing it! She ditched the pressure to make it all look pretty and decided to roll with the interruptions, to accept imperfection, and to laugh a lot. “How and when did I evolve into an imperfect real mom? All I know is I’m not going back. Not going back to a time when I worried about matching containers in lunch boxes, not having friends over ‘cause my carpets are stained, or kids that look catalog-ready before leaving the house.” Even as she prepared her responses for this article, she was interrupted to jump on the trampoline, nurse the baby, read about sharks, take in a teenage fashion show, transport kids, and bake cookies for school. “These are the real memories, real times together that make up a childhood.” Her own childhood explains a lot, she says. Victoria grew up as the youngest (and favorite) of seven children (four boys and three girls) to a real MacGyver mom. Her own mother’s strength inspires her as she stares at the large desk calendar mounted on her refrigerator and anticipates the activities of any given day. Her mom’s wisdom echoes internally as she tries to make decisions true to what her mother has taught and modeled for her. There was a time, however, when Victoria’s mom may not have imagined her as the mom she is now. Victoria hasn’t always envisioned her life as a full-time mom;“I used to drive my family insane with I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR Gloria Steinem comments. I would lecture my parents about modern equal rights and the correct way to refer to Bob, our mailman. It’s now postal carrier, please.” She could not fathom why strong, intelligent, independent women would intentionally abandon promising careers to stay at home and have babies. Freaks! Well, a few years, six children, and some welldigested words later,Victoria has joined the “freak parade.” She is “100% soccer mom and proud of it.” Having a large family obviously means being pregnant a lot, and Victoria found each pregnancy to be as different as each child. Though she doesn’t really remember the difficult aspects of pregnancy or childbirth, she does remember informing David, her

Photo by Collin M. Smith Photography

“soulmate of a husband,” of each impending birth. “I can neither confirm nor deny that my husband gave any of the following responses:‘How did that happen?’;‘Are you trying to kill me?’; and ‘God bless America!’” She and David work as a dynamic team as they parent Diane (almost 17), Lil’ David (15), Dylan (14), Delaney (7), Drexel (4), and Delilah (18 months). As she mentioned, each child is beautifully unique. Diane, “at the top of the food chain, looks after all of her younger siblings with 100% love, energy, and SARCASM.” She can be candid and honest about difficult subjects and that can often enliven the house. “Diane would one day love a house full of kids herself, just as long as it’s oceanfront.” Lil’ David has always been the last one standing – always wanting to go more, do more, play more, see more, etc… That trend continues with a fresh license riding in his back pocket. Dylan is laid back and low maintenance (so much so that he was almost left at a rest area on I-95 for washing his hands for an eternity). Delaney is the performer and the social butterfly of the bunch. She is confident and in constant pursuit of an audience. Drexel is often hard to figure when it comes to his mood but either way he’s going to be “full throttle,” and Delilah (aka Smiley Liley and Lilahbel) is the baby who is thrilled about the newness of everything in her world. And because Victoria gets that inquiring minds want to know about more children in their future, she shares that “this kitchen is officially closed, people.” So, being the mother of six keeps a mom crazy busy. When the alarm clock sounds early each morning, she whacks it a few good times, snoozes as long as possible, tries to shake off the fog of slumber, and gives thanks to God for a new day. She ambles to the kitchen and gropes for the cabinet handle; giving it a tug, she finds two treasures: a coffee mug for some much needed strong, black enthusiasm and her favorite prayers strategically taped inside the cabinet. Next stop – the calendar. What’s the plan for the day? “Some people think day to day; I always think square to square instead. It appears Sharpie markers have taken over my life.” Hmmmm; Teach 2 aerobics classes (8:30, 10:00), Orkin man coming (11-1:00), Ice cream party, 1st grade (1:30),Teacher conference (3:00), Soccer game @ Sumter (6:00), Soccer game @ N. Myrtle Beach (7:00)! “’Really? Wow,…. is my coffee ready yet?’ I can do this, I tell myself. I can do anything. It might not be perfect, but I can do this. Like my mother would say,‘Your head is your steering wheel.’ So true in any situation, but I’m trying not to drive into a ditch.” A few months ago my friend came over for lunch. She was greeted by a half-dressed squealing one year-old being chased by a big brother monster. I held my breath, hoping the baby’s dirty hands didn’t wipe onto my friend’s fresh-looking tan pants. “Come on in,” I said while stepping over half-done puzzles, a scattered deck of cards, and a not-so-great attempt at homeschooling. “Ya know,Victoria. I wish I could be more like you.” What on Earth was she talking about? “You don’t mind if things aren’t perfect.” Huh? It took me a few days to digest this …uh, …uh,… compliment? Did she mean I was slack? My kids were always dirty? My house was a mess? No, no, no, she meant I roll with the punches ‘cause PERFECT is an unobtainable place in time when you have kids. A smile came across my face; it was a compliment! My PERFECT is really IMPERFECT, and I am good here –the land of real motherhood. So,Victoria has found freedom from the teetering glass vase of perfection that many moms try to balance on the end of a shaky fingertip. She doesn’t buy into the competition and judgment that arises between moms because “Holly Homemaker makes her own organic baby food; Workout Barbie comes home from the hospital wearing her pre-pregnancy jeans, and Barbara Business Lady works full-time and still remembers to bring snacks to Saturday soccer.” She’s not having any of it. A healthy relationship with imperfection is working quite nicely for her, and “it would make [her] heart burst with smiles if, when asked about their childhood, [her] children respond… ‘IT WASN’T PERFECT!’”

• • • • •

Cookie Cawthon is blessed to be wife to Chris, mother to Carson (6) and Campbell (3), Diet Pepsi addict, and crazy-excited greeter at NewSpring Church’s Florence campus.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 101

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oming from a large family, I’ve always wanted children. Even now, I still miss having babies Collin M. Smith Photography in the home. Marshall and I had been married six months when I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I was ecstatic! Nine months seemed too long to wait. I didn’t put a lot of thought or preparation into the actual deliveries of our four children. Having a husband as an Ob/Gyn, I always felt very secure about my pregnancies. I had a positive experience with each one, even though they were all different. I knew the pain I endured would be worth the end result. (Thank goodness for epidurals.) Tyler, our oldest at twenty, is the life of our family. He has always been full of energy; his motor never stops. He loves to be where the action is. Always very bright and funny, he has been the one to give all his sibling’s nicknames. Harrison (17) has always been extremely focused and goal-oriented. A deep thinker and also quite witty, he is mature beyond his years. Our most laidback child is sixteen-year-old, Jackson. He loves to sleep and never gets in a hurry about anything. His memory is sharp when it comes to dates and events and he loves to quiz us about specific events and trivia. He is our most musically-gifted child, as well. He is very observant and can do great impressions of people. allowed them to be in charge of their own education. They have to wake themselves Chandler (11) plays her role as up every morning and learn responsibility and accountability. I know, without a doubt, the younger sister to perfection. She can that our sons have grown in ways they wouldn’t have had they stayed in Florence for play the brothers off on each other and have school. We sent our oldest son to a school in Virginia and decided it was too far away. them eating out of her hand. She gets teased, We took Jackson and Harrison to Christ School in Asheville, North Carolina. After the but each one of her brothers loves to dote on her, interview, we all got in the car and felt such a peace. I can’t say enough good things “Chandler plays her about Christ School. I know that they genuinely care about our boys. They provide an also. She generally has a very happy disposition. role as the younger I wish someone would have told me that I environment that instills confidence and the ability to grow. We know that sending our sister to perfection.” would love my children as much as I do. That being said, boys to boarding school is one of the greatest gifts we’ve ever given them – and they the biggest challenge I’ve faced as a mother is learning agree. As much as we can be “guilt-ridden” about things we do as mothers, we cannot to let go. It’s hard to watch my children make their own mistakes and get hurt. I know feel guilty about doing what’s best for our children and allowing them to grow up. they will grow to be better men and women in the process, but I have a tendency to Being a mother is a God-given privilege that should be honored. Motherhood be overprotective and I’m a little bit of a worrier. The greatest joy as a mother has has taught me that I cannot control everything about my children. I have to be in prayer been taking care of them and watching them grow. I love the simple little day-to-day daily for God to work in their lives and hope the lessons I have taught them will carry things which make memories that will last a lifetime. them through difficult times and decisions. One of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make as a mother is the deciThe most important thing I hope that I have instilled in my children when they sion to send my boys to boarding school. There were a lot of factors that weighed into are no longer dependent on me and ready to spread their wings is to be God-loving that decision. One of the biggest reasons was the great opportunity they are afforded and God-fearing individuals. I pray that they will seek God in all they do in life. in boarding school. They don’t have mom hovering over them all the time, which has

• • • • •

Angela Dent and her husband, Dr. J. Marshall Dent, III, live in Florence. They have four children,Tyler, Harrison, Jackson and Chandler. She is the Office Manager of Complete Women’s Health Care. She enjoys reading, doing crossword puzzles, board games and spending time with her husband.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 103

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VANESSA SANSBURY “She understands that offering a temporary home can truly make a permanent impression – not only in the life of a child, but in the life of the foster parent.” by Sabrina Goins

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When making the decision to foster a child, there are many questions that individuals and families ask themselves – questions of time, commitment and resources. One of the most important questions asked is,“Can I care for this child as I would my own?” For Vanessa Sansbury, the answer has always been,“Yes!” For the past fifteen years,Vanessa has offered a safe home for children in need of love and support. Vanessa has two Master’s Degrees, one in education and one in social work. As a licensed missionary, she has traveled the world extensively. Her education and experiences have helped her care for children; but, when it comes down to it, she says being a foster parent is instinctual. “It just comes naturally,” said Vanessa. “I rarely use the term ‘foster parent’ because, really, you become a parent.” In addition to her biological son and daughter, she considers five other boys her sons, all of whom came into her life through fostering. Vanessa started her career in foster care because she wanted to do her part to help children who were not given the means to lead happy and productive lives. In her previous position with the Department of Social Services and in her current one as Lead Social Worker of Darlington County School District,Vanessa has seen firsthand how children can be hurt. In addition to this, she has seen her own parents open up their home to children in need; Vanessa wanted to do the same. Placing the right child with the right family is an important factor in fostering and Vanessa has found her niche in helping adolescent boys. Generally, this population is harder to place than younger children, making them a higher risk for behavioral problems. Vanessa, however, has found a dynamic that works in her home. When it comes to caring for older children, she understands that many of them have been at risk and no one has taken the time to show them how to do common things. Helping them sometimes requires taking a nontraditional approach. Vanessa does not dictate the behavior of the youth in her care; instead, she tries to offer them new ideas about how they live and behave that may not have occurred to them before.“Children do need love, but what they really need is support,” said Vanessa. “They need to know someone is in their corner.” After several years of fostering,Vanessa was put to the test when thirteenyear-old Anthony (*) came to live in her home. Having gone years without the support system he needed,Anthony was an extremely defiant youth. He was disobedient and often picked fights with other boys that were in Vanessa’s home. She pushed very hard to help him, hoping to build a foundation of values he would keep with him for the rest of his life. She made sure he attended church every Sunday, put his school work first, helped around the house and took responsibility for his actions. After staying with Vanessa for nine short months,Anthony was showing some improvement; but, unfortunately, his behavioral issues made it too difficult for him to stay in her home.

Before he left,Vanessa told Anthony that if he ever needed her, she would always be there for him. A promise she lived up to when she received a letter from him a year later. Anthony had been incarcerated and asked her to come visit him, which she began doing twice a month. By the time he was released, Anthony was determined to turn his life around. Vanessa opened her home back up to him and he refused to let her down. He got a job, still attends church and is a caring father to his own daughter, who Vanessa sees as one of her grandchildren. “After all we went through together, I gained a son in him,” said Vanessa. “He sees me as his mother and you could never tell us any different.” Still living close by, Anthony visits his mother often and helps her with the new boys that have come to her home, taking them fishing and offering them advice. Although being a foster parent has proved difficult at times, Vanessa says the good always outweighs any negative. She understands that offering a temporary home can truly make a permanent impression – not only in the life of a child, but in the life of the foster parent. “The rewards you see after sharing your life with a child are phenomenal,” said Vanessa. “I hope more people will consider giving a child a home.” (*) Name has been changed for confidentiality. If you are interested in becoming a foster parent, please contact LFS Carolinas at 1-800-HELPING or www.lfscarolinas.org. Each foster parent receives training and payment based on a child’s needs. With 24/7 support from highly-qualified and experienced staff and the opportunity to meet with other foster parents, each foster parent is equipped to provide the loving care to children in need of a safe and stable environment. Other foster parent benefits include liability insurance protection for all licensed foster parents, planned respite, MAPP and TCIF training, continuous training for identified needs and competitive reimbursement.

Sabrina Goins is Communications Specialist for Lutheran Family Services in the Carolinas in Charlotte, North Carolina.

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PURSE STRINGS:

by Robert LeMaster

A Mother's Day Message: Give Yourself the Gift of Financial Security During this Mother's Day season, we think fondly of the many wonderful things that our own mothers, and the other ones we know, have done for all of us. As we reflect, it's important to keep in mind the sacrifices that all mothers have made. For example, women are still far more likely than men to make career concessions in order to raise their families. Furthermore, even women who work full-time still earn less than men, on average.While we have made some strides toward achieving fairness in pay, we're not there yet.

In short, if you're a woman -- whether you have children or not -- you are going to have special financial considerations, especially in the area of saving for retirement. Consider these factors: More than 80 percent of all women will be solely responsible for their own finances at some point in their lives -- mostly as they get older.On average, men collect $10,450 in retirement income, from all sources, compared to just $6,020 for women. Because women live an average of seven years longer than men, they're more likely to outlive their assets. Only 50 percent of working women have pensions.Women are more likely to work in smaller businesses that do not offer pension plans. You get the picture. You simply must take significant action on your own behalf if you are going to enjoy a comfortable financial future. Fortunately, there are many steps you can take. Here are just a few: Pay Yourself First Every time you get paid, turn around and write out a check to whatever savings or investment vehicle you have chosen -- before you pay any other bills. Better yet, take advantage of payroll deduction, bank authorization or systematic investment plans so that your money is automatically invested before you even receive it. Such a plan, however, does not assure a profit and does not protect against loss in declining markets. Invest For Growth To achieve your retirement goals, you may need to put some of your investment dollars into "growth" vehicles, such as stocks or stock-based mutual funds. Historically, stocks have appreciated more than other types of investments. More importantly, other types of investments, such as CDs or Treasury bills, may not even keep up with inflation, so you could end up losing purchasing power if your portfolio is not well-diversified. Take Full Advantage of Available Retirement Plans Save on a pre-tax basis through your employer's 401(k) or by making IRA contributions. If you can't deduct an IRA contribution, consider a Roth IRA. Contributions to a Roth IRA are not deductible, but a Roth does offer tax- free income at retirement under certain circumstances. If you are self- employed, a Simplified Employee Pension Plan (SEP) or other qualified retirement plan may offer you a business tax deduction. You're In Control By following the steps described above, along with any others that make sense for your individual situation, you can take charge of your own financial future. It will take some time and effort -- but the ultimate goal is well worth it.

Robert LeMaster is a Financial Advisor with Edward Jones. He is a graduate of South Florence High School and Clemson University. He and his wife, Julie have a son, Luke.

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Be in She Coming in July 2009

A SPECIAL SUMMER EDITION

She'slooking For A Woman Who - Loves the Great Outdoors - Took A Vacation of a Lifetime - Has A Delectable Summer Recipe To Share - Lives For a Day at the Beach - Is Known for the Prettiest Yard or Garden in Her Neighborhood - Is Willing to Get a Swimsuit Makeover If you would like to be considered for the July issue, send a detailed email to [email protected]. Include a day and evening phone number and “SUMMER” as the subject. DEADLINE FOR CONSIDERATION IS MAY 25TH.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 109

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FORGET PERFECTION, FORGET BLAME AND JUST PRESS ON! by Lea Pritchard-Boone, PhD

One

of the most precious God-given gifts and the greatest challenge is motherhood. What is it that makes you feel like a mother? Is it pushing the stroller, providing first-aid to the scraped knee or, perhaps, washing and folding those cute little clothes? Gor me, I feel most like a mother when I hear,“Mama!” between midnight and 5 AM. Of course, a good sized part of me doesn’t want to leave my warm bed; but, alas, deep within me, the warmth of excitement peaks knowing that I am about to see my son and a mild anxiety swells, asking, “Could something be wrong?” A child is a precious gift and a greatest challenge. For you, it may be a completely different scenario that wakes that place within; but, the fact is, it’s something – something that drives you to bake the class cupcakes, chauffeur to all the activities and put yourself lower on the list. When asked what makes a good mother, I am left stumped. I don’t believe good mothering can be taught. Sure, skills can be learned. But, are skills and tasks mothering? I believe mothering is that warm place within put there by God. He made mothers. He made motherhood. He made you good at it. Okay, not good just like your neighbor whose children are impeccably dressed and not good like me who seems to enjoy the 3 AM call to duty, but good in your own way. That’s the gift, I think. Although we make mistakes, as long as we honor that warmth within, we’ll be good in our own unique way. The challenge? Well, the challenge is recognizing your own unique mothering abilities, your own specially designed gift and not buckling under the weight of criticism, the shoulds and the you-know-what-you-really-need-to-dos that all too often come from others. Make an effort to identify your mothering strengths. Some are patient, some are educators and some are funny and silly. Look, I don’t know what it is; only you really know. But you do something better in your mothering than anyone you know. It’s not bragging or selfish pride to find your strengths. My experience is that mothers are much more knowledgeable about their parenting weaknesses. Open your eyes! Your neighbor, Carrie, may have polite children; but, she may pale in comparison to your patience with your children’s mistakes. Your sister,Whitney, who makes homemade meals nightly, may let her children watch a little too much TV. “It all comes out in the wash,” as my mother used to say. It’s not about finding fault in others; it’s about finding your strengths, the characteristics that are unrecognized by yourself. Refocus your own self-assessment on your strengths. Let’s face it, you’re there, you love them, you feed them and clothe them, the basics. Everything else you do is your mothering style. Just like fashion, there may be style trends and differences, but we enjoy seeing these differences. What if everyone had the same style? Boring! What if everyone mothered the same? Cookie-cutter kids. Feel lifted by your strengths and self-forgiving of your flaws. I’m thinking that’s what God had in mind when He made that mothering place within you. Sometimes, I don’t know who is more cruel – the children on the playground or their moms. Many moms tell me that going to the park, attending another child’s party or watching your child perform in a school program can feel like tests. “How will my mothering be evaluated?” Moms work so hard to avoid this criticism – much of which is imagined – because, let’s face it, many of the other moms are focused on their own flaws, not yours. Dressing your child up in uncomfortable clothes, admonishing them for the slightest impolite action and expecting them to understand how to behave in a

The Gift:

The Challenge:

Dr. Lea Pritchard-Boone is the mother of Dalton (3) and wife to Austin. She is Psychology Fellow of the LifeCare Psychology Group, LLC (formerly known as the Behavioral Health Group), in Florence and focuses primarily on treating children and adolescents.

socially-sophisticated and sometimes-vicious adult world are all too familiar scenarios. Be yourself and allow your child to do the same. They will learn from your confidence and self-assured strength. Sure, common courtesies are important, but let children be children. When you let it go, it gives other moms permission to do the same. When mothers come to my office, they are quick to offer up all the mistakes they’ve made as if to prepare themselves for my critical assessment of their parenting. Instead, I tell them stories of feeding my son M&M’s for breakfast in the car on a busy, busy morning or the one about my lab coat, a pair of white underwear and a full elevator of people (the details of that one are for my patients only!). It gives them permission to expose their flaws, too. No solution is built on correctly identifying blame; it’s built on the patient’s strengths. So, if you find yourself with a child who has behavioral issues or some other troubling characteristics, seek help if you aren’t sure where to begin. But, remember, your strengths are your solution. If you find yourself amongst critical peers gossiping about the weaknesses of someone else’s mothering, tell a few doozies of your own and, after a brief silence, you may be surprised at the stories you’ll hear in return. The gift of motherhood comes with tremendous responsibilities. The only way to survive it and be the best mom you can be is to recognize your unique abilities as a mother. Sure, identifying some flaws from time to time and improving on them might make you an even better mother – and striving towards these goals is admirable. Make sure your assessment of flaws is accurate. Only things that benefit you and your children should be considered. Let go of those flaws you know are derived from the perceived judgment of others. One thing is certain, Ladies, focusing solely on those flaws will make you a weaker version of the mother you were created to be. You may slip in that direction occasionally, but grasp onto the gift of your unique mothering and don’t forsake it. It was created within you to survive the challenges; draw upon it. No blame, no guilt, just motivation, focus and strength. Press on. Happy Mothers Day! You deserve it and only you will ever know just how much.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 111

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k WOMEN at WORK

REANNA STOINOFF Manager, The McLeod Resource Center

W

hen I first began working at The McLeod Resource Center last spring, I spent one Tuesday evening each week for five weeks observing a childbirth class, watching couples learning how their babies would come into the world. These moms-to-be had so many questions that I couldn’t help but think back to all the times (up to and perhaps including that point) that I always just assumed my mom was an expert at motherhood her whole life. I saw a husband gently place his hand on his wife’s swollen belly as he sat behind her during breathing exercises, her hand over his. I was surprised to feel tears welling in my eyes when I imagined my own mother, only a few years older than I am now, with the same apprehension and same swollen ankles as she prepared to welcome me, her first baby, into the world. I have heard Elizabeth Stone’s quote many times, “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” I have only started to understand that sentiment since I began working at The McLeod Resource Center. This May marks my first anniversary at McLeod. The McLeod Resource Center is a hub of health information with an emphasis on childbirth, parenthood and women’s services. I coordinate maternity education, run the day-to-day operations and sales and act as a community outreach and public relations arm for women’s services at McLeod. I love my job; however, I would have never believed it if someone had told me two years ago that my first post-college job would have me neck-deep in the world of new moms and babies. I graduated from Ohio University last year with a Degree in Journalism and Public Relations and moved to Florence to be near my fiancé, a teacher at Darlington High School. I have always had an interest in working in health care and the research I did on Florence led me to McLeod as a nationally-recognized, innovative and community-oriented organization. I was thrilled to come on board. My first year has been one long learning experience. I grasped quickly that pregnancy can, at times, be very stressful for women and it feels great to be able to connect new mothers with the help they need. I also love the flexibility of my job and the opportunities I have to interface with the community as I work to re-introduce The McLeod Resource Center to the region. My boss and co-workers are extremely supportive of new ideas and, already in the short year I have worked here, I have been able to launch several new programs. Immersing myself in the world of mothers and babies did take some adjusting. At 23, I never expected to know so much about breastfeeding and childbirth, at least not until having my own babies. My job has exposed me to more of the terrors, joys, surprises and sweetness of motherhood than I knew existed. I have learned that a woman’s capacity to love grows to immeasurable depths when she brings life into the world. Mothers astound me. Whether you are alight with the secret newness of discovering you are expecting, so sleep-deprived from nighttime feedings that you can hardly remember your own name, heartsick as you watch your first-grader get on the school bus all by himself or, like my own mom, missing your grown-up baby from hundreds of miles away, you all share something in common. You have taken on a role that requires you to be ferociously brave, impossibly tender, inexhaustibly forgiving and forever on-call. I am awed by you – all of you.

When I see a woman staggering in from the pain of a recent Cesarean Section to buy a pacifier for her bundle of pudgy rolls asleep in the infant carrier or coming back time and again to see our nurse so she can get breastfeeding exactly right or running errands while expertly maneuvering a tired two-year-old with one hand and patting her near-to-bursting pregnant belly with the other, I am always humbled by her strength. Back to that evening at the childbirth class last spring, I was overwhelmed by a feeling I couldn’t name, but now I know what it was. Watching women become mothers is like watching butterflies emerge beautiful (albeit exhausted) from their own big round chrysalises. They surrender the easy selfishness of not having children, endure the admittedly long list of pains and humiliations of pregnancy, undergo what has been called the most physically painful human experience and then give themselves up – body and soul – to their children. Seeing these women, even in their exhaustion and uncertainty and meeting the challenges of motherhood so spectacularly, is my favorite part of the job. All mothers, at every age and stage, were once that apprehensive pregnant woman in childbirth class with her hand on her husband’s hand, her heart in her throat, hoping she’ll be able to rise to the occasion whenever it presents itself. The feeling that washed over me as I thought of my own mom, so vulnerable and beautiful and young, was gratitude – gratitude for undertaking every moment of pain and uncertainty and fatigue from the time I was the size of a sea monkey, giving me everything she could and raising me to see the world for all its possibilities. To those of you who have risen to the occasion, who have watched your heart-of-hearts tumble out into the world to walk on its own outside of yourself, I thank you. You are shining examples of what love is capable of. I am honored to be at your service.

Reanna Stoinoff is Manager at The McLeod Resource Center in Florence.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 113

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McLeod Orthopedic Surgeon Explains ACL Injuries in Female Athletes by Dr. Brian Blair McLeod Orthopaedic Specialists Dr. Brian Blair

I

t is commonplace nowadays to turn on the television and hear of a professional athlete who has torn the anterior cruciate ligament or ACL. I am sure most of you reading this article know of someone who has injured or torn an ACL. The ACL is the most commonly injured ligament and one of the most common injuries in the world of sports. ACL injuries are four to eight times more common in female athletes than their male counterparts.Although most injuries tend to be sport specific, there has been much focus and research on ACL injuries in female athletes. Several mechanisms and reasons have been proposed for this difference.These include hormonal factors, anatomical factors, and neuromuscular factors. This article will attempt to answer some common questions regarding ACL injuries in female athletes. What is the ACL? The ACL is one of four major ligaments that help support the knee.The ACL sits in a notch in the middle of the knee along with the posterior cruciate ligament (PCL).The other ligaments are the medial collateral ligament (MCL) and the lateral collateral ligament (LCL). The other stabilizers of the knee include the various muscles in the deep pelvis or core and the muscles that surround the knee joint.The ACL connects the tibia (shin bone) to the femur (thigh bone). Its function is to prevent the tibia from sliding forward. It also helps provide stability at varying angles throughout the knee range of motion. How Do I Know if I’ve Injured my ACL? Many ACL injuries occur as a result of a non-contact maneuver such as landing from a jump or turning to change directions while running.There is a very high likelihood that an athlete has injured her ACL if a “pop” is felt and immediate pain and swelling occur. The knee may also feel unstable and may sometimes “shift” with certain maneuvers.The knee may also feel like it “gives out” at times. How Are ACL Injuries Diagnosed? Most ACL injuries can be diagnosed by a physician performing a thorough physical examination. An MRI can also be helpful. Many times, other areas of the knee can be injured at the same time as the ACL.The meniscus, or shock absorbing cartilage, or the collateral ligaments can also be torn at the same time as the ACL injury occurs.

Why Do Women Tear Their ACL More Than Men? Several factors have been proposed to explain this. Some of these have been proven to be true and some are just theory. Certain hormone levels have been shown to increase the laxity of ligaments during the menstrual cycle. There is much debate on whether or not this leads to an increase in ACL injuries.The anatomic factors related to the diameter of the ligament itself and the size of the notch in the knee where it resides also play a role. The neuromuscular factors involve the unconscious control of our muscles.This has been proven to be an extremely important factor that helps prevent ACL injuries in female athletes.The control and strengthening of the muscle of the deep pelvis (core) as well as the muscles of the lower extremity are of critical importance to preventing and rehabilitating the ACL injured knee. Can ACL Injuries be Prevented? The concept of neuromuscular training has been developed to help prevent ACL injuries from occurring. This process involves teaching your body better habits in order to achieve better knee stability.These programs help promote core strengthening and teaches the athlete proper ways of landing, jumping, and pivoting.There have been numerous studies that have demonstrated a significant decrease in ACL injuries in athletes when these programs are instituted. Can I Return to My Sport of Choice if I've Injured My ACL? Not every ACL injury needs an operation. Several factors, including patient age, activity level, patient expectations and ability to follow a strict rehabilitation program are all important factors when considering surgical intervention. As surgical techniques and rehabilitation techniques improve, most athletes can expect to return to their sport of choice. More than 90 percent of athletes are able to return to their pre-injury level of activity.

Dr. Brian Blair is an Orthopedic Surgeon and Sports Medicine Specialist with McLeod Orthopaedic Specialists. Dr. Blair and his wife, Ruthie, live in Florence.To schedule an appointment with Dr. Blair, call McLeod Orthopaedic Specialists, a member of McLeod Physician Associates, at 843-777-7900.

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I f y o u h a d t o b e “MOM” f o r a w e e k , w h a t i s t h e o n e t h i n g that you think you would struggle with the most?

“The thing that would be most difficult for me is the lack of recognition. The majority of what a mom does is thankless and unrecognized. Men have no idea how hard the work really is that moms do – coordinating family schedules, meeting deadlines, working at home, working at work, going to meetings, cooking dinner, cleaning the house, entertaining, being a nurse, taking care of the laundry, shopping, paying the bills, keeping up extended family relations, being a counselor, going to baseball games, doing homework and so much more. Plus, all this doesn’t even include any time just for her!”

Bill Travis Florence “My biggest struggle would be keeping up with all the house chores!”

Mack Bryant “My biggest struggle would be staying with them every minute, all day. I have fouryear-old twin girls. Need I say more?”

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l Print Anima res! Pedicu

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Mother, Mary

by Paige Thomas

M

any of us recently celebrated Easter. This time of year is as magical to me as Christmas. Along with the world coming alive again in beautiful spring colors, we are reminded that we can, too. The spiritual message of Easter offers new life and hope. The traditions surrounding it bring families together, children dressed in the most beautiful colors and clothes and in anticipation of the fun and food and baskets of delight they will find. The joy of the season is contagious. Part of the wonder of the Easter message is that when the colors fade and days come when things don’t seem so bright, our Savior remains the same. The things that come into our lives that are heartbreaking or difficult do not change who He is and He promises to never leave us. His words remind us that because He came to earth for a time and lived as we have, He is a Savior who has been touched by everything known to man and now lives to pray for you and me. As I thought about the comfort that Christ brings – knowing that He has lived and understands the troubles of life and desires to walk with me through each of them offering His wisdom, strength, patience and love – I thought of his mother, Mary. As a young girl, Mary faced some difficult challenges. I don’t know if we consider, often enough, the humility and strength and grace of the one that was called to carry His life. I am not sure whether or not Mary actually fell in love with Joseph; in those times, I know there were many arranged marriages. I do know that she was betrothed (or engaged) to become his wife. I am sure that she anticipated the day of her wedding celebration, as most young brides will, and had begun to plan just the way she (or her parents) wanted it to be. Before all those ideas could manifest, Mary found herself in the presence of an angel, who told her that she would become pregnant miraculously and would give birth to the Savior of the world. Aside from all the mysticism and spiritual meaning of what was happening, Mary had many physical and cultural things that could have robbed her of her joy and peace – and even security. No one would believe that she had not been promiscuous and unfaithful to Joseph. How would she be able to face her parents? Society and the law would want to stone her. Would even Joseph remain by her side? We read the story and find that Mary pondered all these things. Mary was one whose heart wanted to follow after God and she rejoiced in the calling and the plan. Little did she know the path that this would take. As the story unfolds and God’s plan is carried out, Mary experienced much as the mother of Jesus. She gave birth in the lowliest of surroundings, far away from her family; but, the stars and the angels were rejoicing. In her heart, she carried the knowledge that this Child was of God and had a purpose. She knew His life was a gift and although there would be much she would not understand along the way, these things were somehow meant to be. Mary watched her Child grow physically and spiritually. She and others, at times, were astounded at His wisdom. Yet, there were also times when she witnessed Him being ridiculed and mocked. Leaders in the synagogue did not understand Him, nor did members of His own family. Through the years, she would watch others with the desire for power and authority try to strip Him of dignity with false accusations and beatings. Along with others who loved Him, she would, one day, have to watch Him carry His own cross up a hill and be crucified among thieves and strangers. When I think about Mary’s life and when I have watched movies that portrayed her character during these events, my heart is torn. Only a mother’s heart can understand some of her thoughts and feelings. As an unwed mother, I am sure she experienced fear and doubt. As the life of Jesus unfolded, I know there were times when she felt inadequate for the task. As she watched Him being tortured and crucified, I can imagine her own pain was unbearable. We have to endure some of the same things we have seen in Mary – the joy of seeing our child’s wisdom or the pain of ridicule. There are those times when our child just doesn’t fit in with others and needs to be understood and loved. There will be situations that require tough choices and the consequences that follow. There are always times when we experience things that are out of our – and our child’s – control, such as sickness, injuries and even death. When we experience the trials, we need to remember that we have a Savior who, in His humanness, was touched by every calamity known to man and is praying. We also need to remember Mary. She is an illustration to each of us that motherhood is a calling that isn’t always easy; but, it is a calling with a purpose and a plan. As she did on the day the angel came to her with the news, we should make a conscious choice about accepting the responsibility. To accept that responsibility is to accept it with joy and awe that the life we carry is a gift and has a purpose designed by God. There will be many times when we don’t understand the purposes and reasons and times when we feel inadequate to the task, but we trust and know it is all somehow meant to be. This article is dedicated to achoice2m8k, a crisis pregnancy center becoming a reality in the Pee Dee area. If you need assistance or would like to support the ministry it provides, you may contact the director at [email protected] or 843-669-4673.

Paige Thomas lives in Florence with her husband, Joey. She has three grown sons and four stepchildren. She is a Creative Partner for Initials, Inc. and also works with the new Center for the Child at Francis Marion University.

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MY FAMILY: Father, Robbie Hart; Brother, Josh HIGH SCHOOL: Darlington High School COLLEGE: Florence-Darlington Technical College, with plans to graduate in 2011 ATTRACTION: Since I wanted to stay around Darlington after I graduated from high school and because I’m not into huge universities, I thought FDTC would be a good school for me. FAVORITE SUBJECT: Biology RIGHT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL. . . . I knew I wanted to work in the medical field, but I didn’t know how to do that without a lot of patient activity (I hate to admit it, but I’m really not a people-person). Then, I found out about Medical Laboratory Technology and by the eleventh grade, I was pretty certain about what I wanted to do. MAJOR: Medical Laboratory Technology DREAM JOB: Anything that meant I could shop for a living MAJOR VERSUS DREAM JOB: My major doesn’t help with my dream job, but a girl can always dream. FURTHER EDUCATION PLANS: I don’t know what I’ll want two years down the road. It’s a possibility I will further my education. WORK: I was always told that school is my job. AS A COLLEGE STUDENT . . . I have learned to study and make good grades. When I started college, I was worried because I never really tried my hardest in high school; therefore, I didn’t make the best grades. IF I COULD DO ANYTHING DIFFERENTLY . . . I would have started making an effort in school a long time ago. MY SCHEDULE: Right now, my schedule is not that hectic. I’m very grateful for that because finals are coming up and I need all the time I can get to study. PLANS FOR THE SUMMER: I plan on getting a part-time job and saving money so I can take an exciting trip at the end of the summer before I begin the fall semester. Anna Hart lives in Darlington with her father, Robbie, and brother, Josh. Her beloved mom,Teresa, is deceased.

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Sweet Escape!

Uterine Fibroids Symptoms • Very heavy menstrual bleeding some times with clots • Pelvic pain or pressure leading to constipation and/or urinary frequency • Anemia - resulting in fatigue due to low blood count

Uterine Fibroids

are benign (noncancerous) tumors that grow on or within the muscle tissue of the uterus. Approximately 20-40% of women 35 years and older have fibroid tumors. Fibroids are more common among women of AfricanAmerican descent.

• Enlarged abdomen If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, you may be a candidate for Uterine Fibroid Embolization (UFE). UFE is a minimally invasive procedure designed to block the blood supply to these tumors resulting in resolution of symptoms and shrinkage of the tumors. Recovery time is usually less than one week.

Pattie Hudson Director and Independent Consultant

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For more information about UFE, please contact :

(843) 617-2902 Contact me for details! Mary Beth Lewis, MD

www.beautipage.com/bc-pattie-party

Florence Radiological Associates

843-777-8893

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I DID NOT Sign Up For This! (When Motherhood isn’t the destination you first imagined!) BY MELODIE GRIFFIN Just yesterday, I found myself literally racing through the local Wal Mart, trying to scoop up everything on my list and make it to the school car line in time! Frightened children and bewildered adults scurried to get out of my path so as not to risk life and limb. Upon reaching the finish line (checkout lane), I let out a loud “Whoo hoo!”, only to glance up at the other 45 frenzied mothers trying to make their deadlines, too! This is just one tiny example of the face that I was no more prepared for being a Mom than the AIG execs were prepared for taking part in the Federal Witness Protection Program. Here are just a few of the unforeseen bombshells. Madness: Sometimes this “motherhood thing” is pure-ty madness, I tell ‘ya. I look around and simply wonder WHAT has become of my sane, once-predictable life. Since God made all three of my little darlings completely unique, there is never a lack of variance to each day’s events. I scamper around between music lessons, drama practice, softball tournaments, doctor appointments, dentist adventures, birthday parties, sleepovers, field trips, church activities and play dates - all the while sloshing juice boxes and happy meals as I go. If I’m in a particularly culinary mood, I hurl pizza slices to the back seat with a hail Mary pass that would make any Heisman candidate jealous. Mayhem: Should you ever come to visit my apartment complex, you won’t need to bother asking which unit is mine. Just listen for us. On any given day, you will hear my two little angel daughters singing the most heavenly cherub duet you ever did hear! That is, unless you come on a day when they happen to be SCREAMING unloveliness at each other.‘Cause that happens, too. Oh, and be sure to listen for Jonathan’s “one man band.” He constantly rotates between his keyboard, trumpet, recorder, flute, tambourine, harmonica and cymbals. His drum set and tuba are in storage until we can get a house. Right about now, you’re thanking God that you don’t live above or below us, aren’t you? The craziest thing about all this mayhem is that I am now entirely accustomed to it. I am writing this article in the midst of it all and haven’t missed a beat. Why? ‘Cause I’m a MOM, that’s why! Melatonin Deficit: Melatonin, that all-important component in our body that causes our circadian rhythm to be in line for proper sleep. Forget the herbs, I just need my babies to sleep so that I can sleep! I am such a nice person until I don’t get enough rest. Really.That first year of motherhood, I stumbled around in a sleep-deprived stupor, wondering where my “pleasant, cheerful, lighthearted, outgoing personality” had wandered off to! Yes, on many occasions during the past 15 years of my parenting quest, I have seriously pondered the possibility of having Galatians 5:22,23 tattooed to my nose so as not to forget them. “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and selfcontrol.” I can’t help but notice that God didn’t add the escape clause, “except for when you haven’t had enough sleep.” Bummer. Messes: I never saw this one coming. Blind-sided me by a country mile! Kids are so dreadfully messy.We’re not talkin’ about the cute little “baby food carrots on the face” messy, or the particularly endearing “first birthday cake slathered all over the cheeks” messy. No, moms. You know the messes of which I speak. (You Daddies who have a weak stomach might want to skip this section. Don’t say I didn’t warn you). How about the time that I found one of my little ones in her crib (who shall remain nameless to protect the guilty) showing off her artistic abilities on the wall? With something she had created in her diaper. Oh yeah. Let the games begin! Then there was the time that my special little guy was in the midst of potty training and had an accident at the top of the fast food play place. He gleefully “left a trail” all the way down the slide,

and guess who had to climb up there and clean it up? Those are the times when I feel like yelling “MOM! Help!” Then I mournfully remember that I am the mom and must find the fortitude to begin cleaning. Talk about rude awakenings. I was not expecting any of those things! But oh, motherhood has brought along its share of breathtaking surprises that make it oh-soworthwhile! Multiple spots in my heart: Once I loved my first child with all of my heart, I worried that I wouldn’t have enough love and attention to give that second child of mine! God gave me enough love for that second child, and then lo and behold, enough love for the third one, too. The stars of TLC’s hit show “18 and Counting”, the Duggar family, continue to be amazed at how God gives them more and more love for each addition that comes on board. And I thought it was amazing that God gave me enough love for three! Music: Both literally and figuratively, these offspring of mine have brought so much music into my life. Some of the musical moments in my motherhood pilgrimage include watching my children worship God with abandon, listening to them “kiss and makeup” - unprompted behind closed doors, the steady cadence of their gentle breathing during a deep sleep.These are a few of my favorite things. Maturity: I mistakenly assumed that my job as a mother was only that of “teacher”. Little did I know that I would be “student”, too. Recently, a friend and I were talking about how worried we were initially that we wouldn’t know everything there is to know about our children as we mothered them. Little did we know that we would learn more about ourselves along the way, than about our children! I had a lot of growing up to do. Still do. But instead of waiting ‘til I was grown up to give me children, God sneakily used my children to help “grow me up.” He’s so creative that way. Motivation: My kids make me better. Oh, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I choose to let them bring out the very worst in me! But on those days when I have focused myself in prayer and God’s Word, I am motivated to be the very best Mom that they can have. Little eyes are watching my every move and will emulate me at every turn. I am so crazy about this precious lineage of mine and want to leave a legacy that will motivate THEM to good works for years and years to come. Hebrews 10:24 is never far from my thinking, “Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.” This journey of Motherhood has been one shocker after another. But, hey! I love surprises! Unless, of course, they involve bodily functions. Then, it’s CLEAN UP AISLE 4!

Melodie Griffin is a native of the Pee Dee who now lives in the Midlands of SC. She is a writer, inspirational speaker and musician who thinks that “Mommy” is the best nametag she ever did wear. WWW.MELODIEGRIFFIN.COM

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Cosmetic Dentistry • Zoom2 • Root Canal Therapy Crown & Bridge • Veneers • Non-surgical Perio Program

RICHARD L. NASH, D.D.S., P.A. FAMILY & COSMETIC DENTISTRY 1507-A HERITAGE LANE • HUNTINGTON EXECUTIVE SUITES FLORENCE, SC • 665-4477

Call today & see how your smile can change. We Accept all major credit cards • Financing Options Available Most Insurance Accepted & Processed

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.Shopping List For Two Servings 4 slices of cinnamon raisin bread 1/4 cup of cream cheese spread 8 slices of thin sliced ham 2 eggs 2 tablespoons of milk

2 teaspoons of sugar 2 tablespoons of maple-flavored or pancake syrup

Directions 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Spread cream cheese onto two of the bread slices Top with ham Cover with the remaining two bread slices Lightly press the edges of the sandwiches together to seal Beat the eggs, milk and sugar with a fork in a pie plate or square baking dish until well blended 6. Dip the sandwiches in the egg mixture, turning them over to evenly moisten both sides 7. Spray a large nonstick skillet with cooking spray 8. Heat on medium heat 9. Add sandwiches 10. Cook two minutes on each side or until golden brown on both sides 11. Serve with syrup

From the kitchen of Laurie Crouse

Stuffed French Toast

Just in time for Mother’s Day Breakfast in Bed! A serving suggestion is to serve the Stuffed French

Toast with yogurt, layered with granola and fresh fruit. Don’t forget the coffee and orange juice. I am truly honored to provide a recipe for She Magazine’s Mother’s Day issue.

I went through tons of

recipes and I kept coming back to Stuffed French Toast because the ingredients are accessible and anyone can make it. Laurie Crouse and her husband, John, live in Florence. They have a son, Rivers. She opened Top Hat Special-Teas nine years ago. It was her dream and certainly where God intended for her to be.

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“Over the past couple of years, we have had quite a few of our advertisers inquire about paying their accounts via credit card. I knew this was something She Magazine needed to do for our clients, but after inquiring with a few companies, I became overwhelmed by all the options and neglected making a decision. Richard Marsh sat down with me and explained the options available and helped me decide on a credit card system that best suited our business. It was obvious that he cared about my business and wanted to make the process easy. Since then, many of our advertisers have taken advantage of the convenience of paying with a credit card. It has been a very positive move for my business and I am happy to recommend Richard Marsh and Atlantic Merchant Services.” - Melia Berry, Editor & Publisher, She Magazine

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She sent a deserving mother of three for a DAY OF PAMPERING at Forum Spa in Florence

Lisa Capps

“Lisa’s Spa Day started with a Customized Age Smart Facial with our Esthetician, Kimberly Smith. From the Dermalogica Face Mapping, Kimberly determined that Lisa had sensitive skin with redness, minor dehydration and fine lines. The Dermalogica Age Smart Skin Care line was used to cleanse and hydrate the skin. Due to Lisa’s sensitivity, Kim performed zone microdermabrasion in problem areas only. Lisa then received an hour full-body massage with warm towels and a Forum Spa Signature Manicure and Pedicure, which includes an exfoliation and massage.” - Landra Bracey

“I was so excited about going to Forum Spa. When I got there, Elana was really nice. I almost didn’t know how to act; I’m really not used to being waited on. My first stop was the lounge. I got into my robe and spa shoes and enjoyed some cucumber water. The lounge was very comfortable and relaxing. Then, I received a facial. It was incredible!” I enjoyed every moment of it. It was my first facial and now I can’t wait for another one. The massage was next, which was so peaceful. Last, but not least, I received a pedicure and manicure. I haven’t had my nails painted in forever. I rarely take the time to do it myself, so getting it done was such a great treat. Everyone at Forum Spa was so nice. They made me feel very welcome and pampered. I also want to thank

She Magazine for this just-what- I-needed experience. It was truly a blessing!” -

Lisa Capps

Lisa Capps lives in Marion, where she teaches school at Marion Intermediate. She and her husband, Len, have two children, Emily and Caleb.

E-mail your beauty questions or suggestions for a topic that you would like to know more about to [email protected]. Include “Beauty Buzz” as the subject.

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Actual Patients

AMERICAN SOCIETY OF PLASTIC SURGEONS, INC.

Helping Mothers and Daughters feel and look their best.

Happy Mother’s Day from Griffin Plastic Surgery.

513 S. Dargan Street • Florence, SC (843) 664-1122

Caring for Hospice Patients in the Pee Dee since 1979

Caring. Comfort. Compassion. These three words describe the mission of MeLeod Hospice - to provide compassionate care and support for patients with a terminal illness and their families. Patients and their loved ones need a dedicated medical team during times of critical illness. McLeod Hospice is ready to provide that support.

1203 East Cheves St. • Florence, SC 843-777-2564 • www.mcleodhospice.org

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128 • May 2009 • She Magazine

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7^\ BdcZn LZaa"HeZci

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62 Public Square Darlington, SC 843-395-2252 2151F W. Evans St. Florence, SC 843-662-0971

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Photography Originals 843-389-9266

by David Marcum

Tea Party Time Studio Pond area- City here? May 15th and 16th Shannons Salon & Tanning, 1033 Pearl St. Darlington, SC. May 29th and 30th Now Booking Beach and White on White at Cottontails Children’s Boutique Call Studio for appointment and details.

Outdoor photography at it's finest.

Dcan EgZ"DlcZY BZgXZYZh"7Zco i]Vi XVc eVhh i]Z iZhi d[ fjVa^in! hV[Zin! YjgVW^a^in VcY gZa^VW^a^in XVc WZ 8Zgi^ÒZY! VcY XVc dcan WZ YdcZ Wn Vc Vji]dg^oZY BZgXZYZh"7Zco 9ZVaZgh]^e# BZgXZYZh"7Zco JH6 egdk^YZh lVggVcin [dg je id &' bdci]h dg *%!%%% b^aZh l]^X]ZkZg dXXjgh Òghi ^c VYY^i^dc id l]ViZkZg b^aZV\Z dg i^bZ ^h gZbV^c^c\ dc i]Z dg^\^cVa cZl kZ]^XaZ lVggVcin d[ ) nZVgh! *%!%%% b^aZh# CZl dlcZgh d[ i]ZhZ ZmXZei^dcVa kZ]^XaZh ]VkZ i]Z deedgijc^in id ejgX]VhZ VYY^i^dcVa iZgb! je id ') bdci]h# Dcan Vc Vji]dg^oZY BZgXZYZh"7Zco 9ZVaZg XVc XZgi^[n VcY hZaa 8Zgi^ÒZY BZgXZYZh"7Zco# 6c VYY^i^dcVa WZcZÒi½#BZgXZYZh 7Zco ;^cVcX^Va d[[Zgh heZX^Va adl ÒcVcXZ gViZh dc 8Zgi^ÒZY EgZ"DlcZY kZ]^XaZh! ejgX]VhZY Vi Vc Vji]dg^oZY BZgXZYZh"7Zco 9ZVaZgh]^e#

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by Ferebe Gasque

The OTHER side of MOTHERHOOD

Rhonda Johnson It is the dream of almost every little girl to grow up, get married, have children, and live happily ever after. It was no different for Rhonda Aylor. After a happy childhood, she went to school and became a nurse. When a mutual friend introduced Rhonda to David Johnson, part of her dream came true. They got married when Rhonda was thirty-one. The new Mr. and Mrs. Johnson were living in Indianapolis at the time and later moved to northwest Indiana. After they got settled in their new home, the almost-newlyweds decided it was time to pursue the next part of that dream – children. After all, they weren’t getting any younger. And, as a nurse, Rhonda knew that older parents have a greater risk of bearing children with life-long challenges.

Dr. Tatum referred the Johnsons to a fertility specialist in Columbia, who informed them the only option was in vitro. After much thought and prayer, Rhonda and David decided that this was the way and the time. William Grant Johnson was born on April 21, 2006. Grant is now a happy, healthy three-year old. Rhonda is a nurse with Pee Dee Cardiology and loves her job. Her primary job, however, is being a mother. She and David are grateful to God for blessing them with the responsibility of raising Grant into being the man he was designed to be. One of the supports upon which Rhonda has depended since moving to

After six months of unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant, the Johnsons tried

Florence is Hannah’s Heart. While this is a ministry of Central United Methodist

medication interventions. Unfortunately, that did not yield the desired results, either.

Church, Hannah’s Heart is open to anyone in the area who is dealing with the pain and

Rhonda and David were referred to a fertility specialist in Chicago. Hoping this was

struggles of infertility. Rhonda continues to be involved with this group as a facilitator.

the answer to their prayers, they followed through. After intense testing, it was deter-

She feels very strongly that the only way to survive this experience is to maintain hope

mined that there was no apparent reason Rhonda was unable to become pregnant.

and to allow others to support you.

They were not interested in adoption nor in vitro fertilization (IVF) at that time. So they

Rhonda and David are blessed to have supportive families and a supportive

returned home to northern Indiana, still wanting children but not knowing how nor

group of friends. They are a part of a church that has reached out to minister to

when that might happen for them. They were secure in their faith that God was in

those who are having similar experiences. Some are not so privileged. However,

charge; however, they still harbored the unfulfilled dream in their hearts.

Hannah’s Heart would love to be that support for any who are in need.

About a year later, in February of 2004, the Johnsons moved to Florence where David accepted a position with the Morning News. Rhonda wanted to maintain the best possible health. She still had not given up hope of having a child, either. So, after researching information on local doctors, she made an appointment with Dr. Tatum, who ordered an ultrasound. The test determined that Rhonda had PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Now she at least had an explanation as to why it had been

The group meets on the fourth Thursday of each month in the Moody Parlor at Central United Methodist Church (corner of Cheves and Irby Streets) in Florence. Rhonda encourages everyone with questions to contact Meg Jiunnies, Director of Spiritual Gifts and Congregational Care at Central. Meg can be reached at the church at 843.662.3218.

so difficult for her to become pregnant. Ferebe Gasque is the Music Therapist at McLeod Hospice House, a Service Coordinator with Florence County DSN Board and an Independent Consultant with the Pampered Che f . ® I n her spare time, she follows orders from her feline children with whom she lives in Florence.

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12:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

McLeod Health Foundation PO Box 100551 Florence, SC 29502-0551 (843) 777- 2694 Online gifts can be made at www.McLeodFoundation.org

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She

has to have it!

Our Favorite “Must-Haves” for Mother’s Day... “These earrings are glamourous, yet precious and will go with any color or style. I’m a mom-on-the-go so these are just perfect for me. ” ~Tuesday Taylor

She Magazine General Manager

“This handy laptop case is the perfect accessory for any traveling mom.” ~Ashley Rogers,

She Magazine Graphic Designer

Dichroic Glass Jewelry by Barbara Mellen The Earring Lady, Florence

Thymes Bath and Body Products Porter’s Gift Shop, Florence

Polka dot laptop case, also available in giraffe and zebra print! Monograms by Gail, Scraton

“Drawn from nature,” these bath products are environmentally friendly and smell fabulous. Everyone who knows me knows I LOVE bath products. I can’t wait to try these. ~Melia Berry, She Magazine Editor/Publisher

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Proverbs 3:5-6

WHAT: Love Notes Benefit - in honor of the Slaughenhoupt family Join us for a chicken bog dinner and a concert featuring the Florence Symphony Orchestra, Florence Little Theatre Singers, Masterworks Choir, Borrowed Time and more! WHERE: Church at Sandhurst 1140 Third Loop Road, Florence WHEN: Thursday, May 21, 2009 Dinner served: 5:30-7:00 Concert: 7:30-9:00 HOW MUCH: tickets: $25 per person MORE INFO: For more information, call the Florence Symphony Orchestra office at 661-2541. Tickets may be purchased at Woofers 2420 Hoffmeyer Road in Florence (669-8828).

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Pee Dee Orthopaedic Associates, PA Pee Dee Spine Center 901 East Cheves Street Suite 100

843-662-5233 Florence, SC www.pdoa.com

1580 Freedom Blvd. Suite 100

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Art& Soul

Let Your Light So

Shine

by Sharman Poplava

Coming

this September 18, the soap opera world will be shining a little less brightly in TV land. I’m sure you’ve all heard. The long-running CBS show, Guiding Light is flipping the switch and turning off the bright beam that brought us the intimate details of the Bauer, Spaulding, Cooper and Lewis families. The show has been around for a total of 72 years. It started as a 15-minute radio show in 1937, moving to television in 1952. GL is considered the longest-running TV drama in the Guinness Book of World Records. I remember my mom planning her ironing around the “Light.” I would come in the house from playing in the yard and find my mother starching and pressing my dad’s shirts while simultaneously commenting on the antics of Springfield’s finest. I knew better than to interrupt her while she was catching up on Dr. Banning and Maggie Scott. I went through a time when I watched “Guiding Light” and other soaps with my friends in college. It was the thing to do to meet between classes and get together to eat and talk and laugh at the wild escapades of the soap opera characters. That was about the time that Kevin Bacon was on the show.That I remember. A woman named, Irna Phillips created the GL series. Phillips is also considered the “mother” of daytime drama, having being responsible for a whole new television genre. Phillips based the show on personal experiences.After giving birth to a stillborn baby at age 19, she found spiritual comfort listening to the radio sermons of Chicago preacher, Preston

May Calendar of Events Bradley.As a tribute to him, she created GL around her fictional character of Reverend John Ruthledge. In the beginning of the show's run, Reverend Ruthledge always left a lamp burning in his study overnight, as a beacon or "guiding light" for friends, family, and strangers. My “guiding light” and inspiration is my mom. She’s always ready to listen to me when I need someone to talk to and sort things out. She has a shoulder to cry on and wise words to offer when I feel as if I’ve hit bottom, and she shouts the loudest when I have something to celebrate. She’s always been my biggest supporter believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself. We talk on the phone almost every day. We laugh. We share the daily events of life. Important things as well as the,“I just found a great deal on strawberries” things. She’s my best friend. My mom doesn’t watch Guiding Light anymore. She’s too busy with other things to fashion her day around daytime TV. And my dad is retired and at home, so they are sharing their days together. And she doesn’t starch and iron my dad’s shirts anymore either. If daddy needs starched shirts, mom is liable to hand him the iron and the ironing board and head out with a girlfriend. She’d be surprised to know that she’s my guiding light- that I have been listening to her all these years. She’d also be surprised to know that I hope to be like her some day. I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m still working on it.

Sharman Poplava is president of the Greater Hartsville Chamber of Commerce. Her e-mail is [email protected]. I suggest “Give God the Glory! Let Your Light So Shine” by Kevin Wayne Johnson for this month’s recommended read.

THIS MONTH’S CAN’T MISS BIG TICKET . . . It’s the Spoleto Festival hands down this month. If you’ve been before, then you know why it’s this month’s big ticket. If you haven’t gone to Spoleto even once in your life, then shame on you! The festival is one of the nation’s biggest arts events and it just happens to be located a few miles down the road in our very own Charleston. It has everything- theatre, dance, readings and music for all tastes. And speaking of tastes, you simply can’t go hungry in Charleston. There are ticketed events- so call now they sell out fast.There are also free events, so money is no excuse. Besides, who can resist a road trip to Charleston in the spring?! Spoleto Festival USA 2009 in Charleston, SC from Fri., May 22- Sun., June 7. Events all over town. MUSIC “HMS Pinafore”- presented by the Florence Symphony Orchestra on Mon. May 4 at 8pm at the Florence Civic Center. Southeastern Bluegrass Association of South Carolina’s monthly Bluegrass Concert and Jam Session at Lynches River County Park, Coward on Sat., May 2 from 5-9pm. DANCE Palmetto Ballroom Dance Club monthly dance at the Leatherman Senior Center, Florence on Fri., May 8. Lesson from 7:30pm - 8:30pm and Open Dance from 8:30pm 10:45pm. THEATRE “Deathtrap”- presented by the Hartsville Community Players on Sat. and Sun. May 2 and 3 at the Center Theatre, Hartsville. “Peter Pan” presented by the Florence Little Theatre through Sat., May 2. FESTIVALS 17th Annual Marion Foxtrot Festival in downtown Marion and Fox Field on Sat., May 16 from 9am-10pm. EXHIBITS “Turner to Cézanne” on view at the Columbia Museum of Art, Columbia through Sun., June 7.This is the first time this exhibit has been to the U.S. It includes some Monet, Renoir and Van Gogh. It’s a beautiful exhibit and the Columbia Museum is easy to get around.

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 135

STAY HERE...

Special Events, Bed & Breakfast, Tours & More

The Grove

For Reservations call

The Inn on Harlee–Marion, SC

www.montgomerysgroveinn.com

843.423.5220 or visit

GO THERE! (Plan a “staycation” or mother/daughter getaway!)

BROOKGREEN GARDENS

These are just a few of the attractions that await! Ask us or visit our website for more ideas!

K a l m i a G a rd e n s

THE STRAND HARTSVILLE

GEORGETOWN

SHOPPING AT THE BEACH

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who’s

that

girl?

Family:

Parents, Melia Berry and Craig Tucker; Stepdad, Rodney Berry; Brothers, Joshua and Jacob, Stepbrother, Zachary; Our doggy, Ruck-Ruck

School:

Favorite Movie: Rear Window by Alfred Hitchcock

Senior at Marion High School

Accomplishments:

Student Body President; Editor of School Newspaper, Fox Tales; Member of the Yearbook Staff and the School Improvement Council; Who’s Who Among Outstanding Students; Voted “Most Unforgettable” by the Senior Class of 2009

Favorite Book: A Bride Most Begrudging by Deeanne Gist Dreams for the Future:

One Word that Describes Me:

I plan to attend The University of South Carolina and major in Fashion Merchandising. I hope to one day own my own boutique and design a line of clothing.

Unique If I Could Have One Superpower, It Would Be:

The coolest person I know is . . .

I’ve always been intrigued by Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth, so . . .

My momma because she’s the strongest, most creative, hardworking, beautiful woman I know. Plus, she can moonwalk and cook better than Paula Deen.

Most Important To Me In Life:

My relationship with Jesus Christ, my family and friends – and finding a good sale

Quote I Live By: “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” - Coco Chanel

Favorite TV Shows: The Golden Girls, What Not to Wear and Deadliest Catch

My favorite thing to do while just hanging out is . . . watching old movies (anything with Joan Crawford, Sophia Loren or Cary Grant).

Favorite Song: My favorite song of all time would have to be “In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins (only because of the drum solo).

I think the world would The Thing I’m Most Proud Of:

The person I have become

be a better place if... people showed more respect to themselves, to others and to our world.

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