Self Analysis Profile Edco 202

SELF-ANALYSIS PROFILE Marco D. Meduranda EDCO 202 CHILDHOOD I was born on October 24, 1985. I am the eldest son of my parents and the third in ordinal position in a family with six children. Adler’s birth order theory would put me as the middle child. Though I’m not very assertive, I tend to Baby Marco together with Ate Cherrie

become quite competitive, constantly trying to surpass

my other siblings in terms of achievement in studies and even in attention to my parents. My excelling in school perhaps can be my way of asserting myself. My childhood was marked with my strong attachment to my mother. To cite Sullivan’s theory, I was nurtured by a “good nipple”. Her caring and warm affection shaped my personality, and in fact, I looked up to her as my role model in terms of character. Though mom is very affectionate, she knew how to demand discipline. She’s strict but humane. She would spank us whenever we were committing misbehavior but would later cuddle us only to talk about to us why she used force in making us realize our wrong doing. Further, her consistent and sensitive care and protection to me during my early years have had developed in me a sense of confidence and optimism. I can link this with Erickson’s first psychosocial stage (trust vs. mistrust) where, in my case, basic trust was clearly

I was strongly attached to my Mom

established. Her love and support truly laid a solid foundation to my personality and the good values she instilled in me shaped my character.

My mom’s admonitions, teachings and moral ideas mostly constitute my superego. Though sometimes, they greatly cause me anxiety, giving me guilt and self-condemnation whenever I make decisions that run counter to it, I am still thankful because nevertheless I would never go wrong if my decisions are in consonance with what she taught me. In addition, my mom would say that I was a witty, smart and “hyper” kid when I was a toddler. She would say that when I was four I could already memorized the schedule of shows in channel two (we’re Kapamilya…) When I turned six, I got asthma and other respiratory illness. I became much closer to her because she would really keep an eye on me due to my fragile health. Perhaps, I developed this fixation termed by Freud as phallic personality. As a consequence, I develop quite an opinion on myself and perhaps also the reason why I appear effeminate. When it comes to my father, I can say that he had also influenced my personality. Indeed, he was a good provider. I truly admired his sense of responsibility and dedication to his work. However, like other typical Filipino father, he was quite unemotional and insensible. Somehow, during my early childhood, I experienced what Freud termed as Oedipus complex. According to Freud, fixation at this stage would lead to feelings of

I admired dad’s sense of responsibility.

guilt over success. I also read that in order to resolve this conflict, the child would employ the process called identification with the aggressor. As I analyze myself, I find out that the reason perhaps why I always seek success in all my endeavors especially in work is that somehow I am identifying with my father.

Regarding the influence of the place where I was brought up to my personality, I want to point out that I was raised in a suburban

environment,

Malabon,

where

incidence of flooding is a usual occurrence even if it’s not raining due to high tide and to the fact that the land is very much below sea level. I can say that the place somehow also shape my “mental toughness”. I can associate this idea to Bandura’s reciprocal determinism where personal and environmental factors continuously affect one another. I have seen how people still managed to continue with their lives even if the flood is as high as their waist. Flood can be an inconvenience but people in our community don’t see it as

major

encumbrance.

Through

observational

learning, I was able to acquire a coping mindset towards any problem; that like flood, problems are just natural occurrence and they would eventually subside, or be resolved. Further, I can connect this with Lewin’s personality formula which postulates that one’s behavior is the function of the person in interaction with the environment.

ADOLESCENCE The stage of adolescence to me was marked by a lot of crisis. My father died when I was 13 because of diabetes. Consequently, I experienced the most difficult times

in my life during this period because we were confronted by poverty. I saw my mom working very hard to make both ends meet for us. She got preoccupied with direct selling in order to bring food on the table. For the first time, I saw my grades drop because of absenteeism and my inability to pass projects and requirements. That was the time, I was labeled an underachiever. The interplay of these difficult situations affected my personality. It was the time I began to feel small. Though I was confident and self-assured when I was a child, I started to feel “disliked”. I had a rough time establishing my ego identity.

For quite

sometime I thought, I experienced what Erikson termed as a sense of artificiality. I tried to fit in but I felt my peers were not true to me. In addition, my being a late bloomer became the butt of jokes among my peers. I experienced what Adler called as organ inferiority. I began to feel the neurotic needs for personal admiration, individual achievement and social recognition. I thought that in order to deal with these anxieties I did what Horney dubbed as moving towards people where I protected myself by overtures of affection, dependency and submission to others.

My high school days were marked by a lot of crisis…

This was also the stage when I began seeking broader relatedness and rootedness as what Fromm stated in his five human needs. Though at this time I tried to desperately conform to some of my peers in order to acquire that sense of belongingness, it was the start of my journey to individuation. Towards the end of my high school life, I realized my absurdity. I gained a greater understanding of life when I started accompanying my mother to sell bargain clothes on the sidewalks of Grace Park Caloocan. This was the business scheme that sent us, her children, to college. Mom made us experience the difficult reality of life and helped us realize that we got to be determined and hard working in order to achieve what we envision in our lives. I became more matured as I deal with different kinds of people. The side streets became a window to reality for me. Having been a sidewalk vendor for four years truly defined and modified my construct system. I acquired a better measure of authenticity when I entered college. I took the course that I really liked which was BS Education. Here I became a student leader and a scholar. Whenever I had no class, I exploited the opportunity to read books and explore the wealth of wisdom available in the library. By reading, I became cognizant on the collective unconscious of the ages and by deeper reflection I learned how to improve my way of thinking and construing the world around me. I got especially interested to the works of Deepak Chopra, Shakti Gawain, Martin Seligman, Norman Vincent Peale and Wayne Dyer. In college, I was also able to gain a handful of very good friends who somehow satisfied my

College activities like this community outreach in Zambales broadened my horizon and helped me realize what Rogers termed as my ideal-self.

needs for self-respect and esteem. Furthermore, in this stage I gained a better grasp on seeking self-enhancement through the choosing of goal in life which is termed by Allport as propriate striving. With this, I graduated with flying colors and realized my self-fulfilling prophecy which is delivering a valedictory address that would honor my mom. ADULTHOOD I initially worked as a call center agent because of my desire to be handsomely paid. However, I didn’t find the job fulfilling and I felt that the classrooms were calling me. And so when my former professor phoned me to teach in Teaching is my calling and I’m happy I heed the call.

the public school where she was the principal, I immediately grabbed the position even if the salary is lower compared to what I used to get as an agent. After one year, I was able to get a permanent teaching position. Consequently, I gained what Allport identified as functional autonomy, where in my case; teaching became my valued end. In its own right, being a teacher became my personal source of pleasure and motivation. I was able to influence and touch lives and at the same Winning competitions are highlights in my teaching

time established myself career. as an excellent humanistic high school teacher. In fact, I

experience what Maslow called as peak performance or optimal human experiencing whenever the students I handle attain success like winning in competitions or attaining excellent or improved academic performance. Though teaching in public school is not easy, with 80 students per a class, I learned how to employ the transactional analysis of Eric Berne in order to foster better interpersonal relationship with my students as well as my colleagues. Still, despite the fact that public school teachers were seemed to be overworked and underpaid, I chose to stay in the system, make a difference to the life of my students, establish a positive teacher persona, and perhaps, eventually, “mine my own acres of diamond.”

Just last May 5, 2009, I experienced the greatest pain a person can endure: the death of a loved one. Mom died because of colon cancer. It was a six-month ordeal that dramatically changed my perspective in life. I will perpetually miss mom.

My mom was the only person who gave me

unconditional positive regard. She was taken away from us in the point when she would begin to reap the fruits of her labors. Though somehow I have accepted her passing, I will perpetually miss her. Her death touched me spiritually. It brought me a lot of lessons and realizations. I became more in tune with my experience. I learned to develop in me a more meaningful relation to my Creator, to my Lord and Savior. Hence, I learned to pray. I also learned to think, speak and act in the direction of truth and love. I learned that suffering is essential for one to understand and appreciate the real essence of life. I learned to value people.

I learned to be kind to myself whenever I commit blunders. And ultimately, I learned to live.

FINAL REFLECTIONS I view my life as a wonderful journey. The experience along the way is more important than the destination. Truly, I regard myself as an imperfect, growing, self-actualizing, spiritual organism. My relationship to my loved ones, my dedication to work, my deep passion to learn more about life, and my tireless effort to be the best that I can be are facets of my personality. Like others, I have flaws, neurotic needs, fixations, regrets, repressed desires, and frustrations. However, I choose to emphasize and cultivate the “good me”; the same thing when I highlight the positive among my students, friends, colleagues and loved ones. I choose to be a blessing to others. I choose to be a simple person with big dreams. I choose to live every moment of my life. I choose to enjoy my every waking hour. I choose to adopt the idea that when my journey ends, the One waiting at the finished line will say, JOB WELL DONE.

I choose to emphasize and cultivate the “good me”.

SELF-ANALYSIS PROFILE EDCO 202 Marco D. Meduranda

College of Education University of the Philippines