Project Memphis: Windows 98 Source Code (humor)

FOR INTERNAL DISTRIBUTION ONLY

PROJECT

MEMPHIS PROJECT DOCUMENTATION AND TECHNICAL NOTES

- MICROSOFT CORP. CONFIDENTIAL – NOT INTENDED FOR PUBLIC CIRCULATION

Redmond, WA

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/* CONFIDENTIAL – PROJECT ‘MEMPHIS’CORE AKA WINDOWS ‘98 SOURCE CODE INTERNAL CIRCULATION BETWEEN AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY © 1997 Microsoft Corp. Redmond, WA Bill: our guys are experiencing some real difficulty implementing that Y2K thing you requested. Recommend we push release date up a little, to be safe. */

#include #include #include #include #include #include #include #include

"unistd.h" "xerox.h" "qdos.h" "win31.h" "win95.h" "evenmore.h" "oldstuff.h" "billrulz.h"

#define EASE_OF_INSTALL -10000 #define WIN32_LEAN_AND_MEAN 1 #define RETURNS_ERROR 1 #define RETURNS_SUCCESS 1 /*ATTN: DO NOT DELETE CODE ABOVE THIS LINE. */

/* Naturally, Windows 98 should be "faster" than Windows 95 */ #ifdef ( _WINDOWS_98_ || _WINDOWS_NT_ ) sleep_time=2; #else #ifdef _WINDOWS_95_ sleep_time=5; #else sleep_time=8; #endif #endif

char make_prog_look_big[1600000];

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/* Windows 98 has a feature set that is greatly expanded from Win95 */ #ifdef _WINDOWS_98 char make_prog_look_bigger[3666756]; #include #include <msoffice.h> #endif

/* Windows 98 has functionality beyond any of its predecessors */ void SummonPageFault(long address); char ChooseRandomErrorMessage();

/* Windows 98 is built on a robust, highly efficient core.*/ void main() { while(system_state != CRASHED) { display_copyright_message_large(); display_bill_rulez_message(); do_nothing_loop(); if (first_time_installation && isIBMCompatiblePC) { make_50_megabyte_swapfile(); do_nothing_loop(); totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system(); search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2(); search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2(); hang_system(); /* ^ Installation is more complete and less involved than ever. We make only the changes we need to ensure compatibility with our competitors products.*/ } write_something((HWASTE) GetStockItem(garbage_data)); display_copyright_message(); do_nothing_loop(); do_some_stuff(); if (still_not_crashed) { display_copyright_message(); do_nothing_loop(); run_windows_3.1(); do_nothing_loop(); do_nothing_loop(); } `

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else if (shutdown_sequence_initiated) { OverrideUserControls(hwnd, CURRENT_USER, 1, hInst, OUC_IGNORE || OUC_BLOCKINPUT); SHAbortShutdown(PRIV_ROOT); } }

if (detect_cache()) disable_cache(CACHE_FLUSH || CACHE_FLOOD);

if (system_has_fast_cpu()) { set_wait_states(FREQUENT); set_mouse(speed, VERY_SLOW); set_mouse(action, JUMPY); set_mouse(reaction, BHAV_INTERMITTENT); }

/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */ /* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */ /* printf("Welcome to Windows ME”); */ printf("Welcome to Windows 98");

if (system_ok()) crash(to_dos_prompt) else system_memory = fopen("a:\swp0001.swp", FILE_CREATE); write(stdin, system_memory);

while(something) { sleep(5); get_user_input(); sleep(5); act_on_user_input(); sleep(5); } create_general_protection_fault(); hang_system(NO_REASON); perform_illegal_operation(); system_error_engine(BLUE_SCREEN_OF_DEATH); return RETURNS_SUCCESS;

}

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