Nine Habits Of Very Happy People

NINE HABITS OF VERY HAPPY PEOPLE

by Wolf J. Rinke, PhD, CSP

For most people in prosperous nations happiness remains an elusive goal. Even though "many measures of quality of life have risen since World War II, the number of people who consider themselves happy remains flat," according to a U.S. News and World Report. In fact today "people are 10 times as likely to suffer depression as those born two generations ago." So what can we do to make ourselves happy? We can recognize that Abraham Lincoln was absolutely right when he said: "Most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Happy people are not happy because they are endowed with the happiness gene--although researchers tell us that accounts for about half of one's potential for happiness--happy people are happy because they realize that happiness is something that they control by doing certain things every day. So here are nine things you can do that will make you happier: 1. Love what you do I find it ironic that many people deny themselves the joy of their work. Somehow they assume that work is a dirty four letter word and that they must escape it as soon and as fast as possible so that they can get home and plop down in front of the TV. (Which, by the way, is a great way to become more unhappy and depressed.) I suspect it is because they have not found what they love to do. The key word here is love, not like, because once you find what you love to do you will not ever have to "work" another day in your life. (By the way it took me 36 years to find what I love to do, so don't give up your search, because when you find your passion, the quality of your life will improve dramatically.) If you like help with this, read Chapter 4 of my book Make It a Winning Life: Success Strategies for Life, Love and Business. 2. Chase your dreams Happiness is often a byproduct of something that we are going after--something that juices us. Think of children. When are they the happiest--about two weeks before the Christmas or Hanukah holidays, or when they have ripped all the presents open? Once we have clearly defined, specific fire in the belly goals we get turned on and we become happy. In other words if your goal is to be happy--that's what many people in my seminars tell me--you won't necessarily be happy. You get happy from traveling the journey or doing something that improves the quality of someone else's life and yours. Chasing your dreams cranks up your internal body chemistry to such an extent that it energizes you to achieve extraordinary results and may even make you healthy. Want proof positive, read the incredible story of Lance Armstrong, who after being diagnosed with an advanced form of testicular cancer and given no more than a 50% chance of survival, has won the Tour de France--cycling's most prestigious and grueling race--six times in a row. 3. Nourish an attitude of gratitude A difficulty for many successful people is that they perpetually look up the mountain, never down. To feel a sense of gratitude you must have goals--look up the mountain--and also take the time to reflect on all that you have already achieved and accumulated--look down the mountain. If you need a bit of help with this take advantage of the up-coming holiday season. Instead of buying gifts for people who already have more than they will

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ever need, rally the whole family and serve a meal at a homeless shelter. Or visit a third world country. For example when I work in the Pacific Rim my sense of gratitude is always renewed. Typically the client will book me in a five star hotel, which makes any of our five star hotels pale in comparison. One of the hotels in Jakarta even had a marble driveway. Not concrete, not flagstones--marble. When I looked out of my 29th story window I saw many other super-modern high-rise buildings. I also saw garbage dump several blocks away swarming with people, who were living on the dump in cardboard "houses" and foraging for food. Stop right now, and be grateful for all the abundance, that surrounds you. 4. Love someone deeply Barbara Streisand was absolutely right, "people who love people are the luckiest people in the world." Start by developing a strong bond and lifetime relationship with a significant other. Having been happily married to my Superwoman for 36 years I can attest that she by far is my biggest source of joy and happiness. (She got that name because she is a one-in-a-million lover, mother, business partner, and confidant.) If you don't have such a relationship make it one of your top three fire-in-the belly goals, because such a partner becomes increasingly more important as you enter the later passages of your life. Extend that same love to your family and your close friends. The greater your circle of loving relationships, the greater your happiness. 5. Treat your "bodymind" like a temple That's what hard-core bench scientist Dr. Candance Pert calls our body and mind because her work has unequivocally demonstrated that the mind and the body are one. And that thoughts are things, things that manifest themselves in the body and in your life. So if you think "bad" or negative thoughts then that will have a negative impact on your body. And of course the reverse is true. Since the mind can have only one thought at a time, get in the habit of monitoring your thoughts and self talk by asking: "is what I'm thinking about right now negative?" (The worst is hate.) If it is, it will move you away from happiness and optimum health. On the other hand positive thoughts--like love, kindness and appreciation--will move you in a positive direction. This is so powerful that there is a whole new science that is concerned with this--psychoneuroimmunology, or PNI for short. (Want to know more read her book: Molecules of Emotions: The Science Behind Mind-Body Medicine). 6. Laugh more Go ahead and laugh right now. Can't seem to get it going? Go to the bathroom, stick your tongue out, wiggle your nose and make the silliest face you can possibly come up with and get yourself to laugh. If you need more help join a laughing club, popularized in India. Or consult with a "certified laughter leader." (Hey, I'm not making this stuff up!) A good way to nurture this is to laugh more at yourself. It will cause you to take yourself less serious--which is a great start because you are not nearly as important as you think you are. (I'm including myself in that statement; so don't get bent out of shape). Laughter has innumerable benefits, it turns on your endorphins and other internal "drugs" that are far more powerful than anything that you can ingest--legal or illegal. In fact it is so

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powerful that Norman Cousins laughed himself to good health after being diagnosed with an incurable disease. 7. Give more of what you want A short cut to happiness is making other people feel happy. Why? Because life is like a mirror--what ever you put in it--comes right back at you. Make people happy and you will be happier. Hate people and you will live in a hateful world. Love people the way they are, and you will experience more love. You catch my drift. Actually you already knew that, that's why you are much more anxious to give a gift than get one. Happiness certainly does not come from things. Otherwise the happiest people on earth would be lottery winners. They are not. In fact they often become discouraged and depressed because they become obsessed with "stuff," to the point that most lottery winners are broke three years after they have won the jackpot. Superwoman and I have come to the realization that less is more. That is to say, the more stuff we have the more problems and stress we have. That's why we evaluate every new opportunity by asking ourselves whether taking advantage of the new opportunity will add to the quality of our lives. If the answer is yes, we go for it, if the answer is no, we don't do it. 8. Develop "learned optimism" Prof. Marty Seligman who has had a tremendous influence on getting psychologist to focus on the good--what he has dubbed "positive psychology"--wrote a powerful book of the same title. His research has demonstrated that we can learn to be more optimistic by developing a "positive explanatory style (PES)." The way you do that is by focusing on the good stuff, especially when bad things happen to you. In other words you master the art of faking it until you make it. Research has shown that people who have developed their PES are able to evaluate "reality" more clearly--just the opposite of what most people assume--and process "bad" news more effectively, and are more likely to accept what you can not change and move on. In short you will be able to inoculate yourself against the negative attitude virus and his big cousins--stress and depression. 9. Keep hope alive Hope is an incredibly powerful emotion. Without it you not only become unhappy--you die. No one has told that story more powerfully than Dr. Victor Frankl in his book Man's Search for Meaning in which he detailed the role of hope in surviving the German concentration camps. So be sure to never give up hope, no matter how bleak it gets. And even more important, be sure not to confuse inconveniences with problems. Because many of the "problems" that we get ourselves all worked up about are inconvenience not tragedies. When you are in the middle of one of these, a great diagnostic is to ask yourself: "How will I feel about this in five years from now." And then act accordingly. To deal more effectively with the real tragedies--which will come--turn to the source of hope and inspiration that works for you. It may be religion, spirituality, meditation or reading a great motivational book--see the special offer that follows. It will help you keep hope alive and make you more optimistic and happier. HanLee Resources [email protected]

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