Jenkins And The Dodo.asd

1

ACT

I

SETTING:

The island of Mauritius, east of Madagascar. The playing area represents a clearing in the forest and can be quite bare, though a prominently planted tropical tree or two might add ambience. There is at least one wooden crate and one tree stump. A large, beaten and water-damaged suitcase sits nearby.

AT RISE:

JENKINS sits on the stump writing in a dark-blue, suede calendar book with an ornate quill pen made of ivory. A long, billowy, white feather flows from the stem of the pen. JENKINS is barefoot and wears a loose t-shirt and tattered khakis. Nearby, pecking at the ground is a dodo bird named DODO.

I’m hungry.

DODO Are you hungry? We need food. JENKINS

I am hungry. (JENKINS continues writing in his calendar book) DODO What shall we do? (JENKINS continues writing) What shall we do? JENKINS I’ll figure something out.

2

DODO A simple cheese doodle might suffice. I’d be happy with a sprig of nachos and an abundance of ketchup. JENKINS You’re doing it again. DODO What? (Pause) What? Doing what?

What am I doing?

Doing what?

What?

JENKINS Wait. DODO WHAT? (Pause) JENKINS I said wait. (Pause; JENKINS continues to write) DODO You know what you are? JENKINS What? DODO You’re an animal right’s activist at a butcher convention. JENKINS (Mumbling) Here we go… DODO Excuse me? JENKINS How so? DODO What did you mumble?

3

JENKINS It’s not important. Explain. How am I an animal right’s activist at a butcher convention? DODO Or a butcher at an animal right’s activist’s convention. I’m making a metaphor. Did I do it wrong? I’m trying to make a metaphor. I’m making a simile. I’m…what do they call you again? JENKINS Jenkins. DODO Not Jenkins Smith the hunter? JENKINS Jenkins. DODO You sure? JENKINS As sure as you’re a dodo bird. DODO I am a dodo bird. (Pause) What are you writing? (Pause as JENKINS continues to write) What are you writing? JENKINS (Looking up for a brief moment) Just because you’re extinct doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t have a right to endure. I have hope. DODO What does that mean? (Pause) HELLO-O-O-O-O-O-O! (Pause. JENKINS continues to write) I should have acquiesced some cheese doodles before the ship went down. Before the music stopped. Before the bomb dropped. I love those things. They bind me yet I can’t stop myself. So, I eat the fat-free ones to loosen things

4 DODO (Continued) up a bit. The fat-free ones turn my rectum into a volcano. Then back to the original which blocks everything up again. I entertain myself with this endless carnival of torture. But they’re cheese doodles. So, tasty. So…tasty! I just cannot stop myself. I savor their flavor! JENKINS Acquiesced? DODO Does my newly acquired vocabulary frighten you? JENKINS No. DODO Did I say it wrong? JENKINS I don’t think so. DODO Does my newly expanded vocabulary… JENKINS No. DODO Does my newly…uh…expurgated… JENKINS NO. (Pause. Quietly) No. Note: I find “expanded” preferable to “acquired”. DODO Don’t interrupt me. JENKINS Wrong. Absolutely incorrect.

And “Expurgated”?

DODO You interrupted me. JENKINS I answered you.

5 DODO (Suddenly shouting) Insurgent! Cur! Aerosol can! It does. It frightens you. Don’t lie. I sense it. You sense it. You sense your doom. I sense your doom. I think. I sense someone’s doom. Or I smell someone’s doom. I smell something. You smell something? JENKINS I smell chicken. DODO Don’t meddle with my flightless mind. JENKINS I’m simply making an, “everything-tastes-like-chicken” observation except I’m referencing the olfactory senses. Relax, buddy boy. You might be the last walking dodo on Earth but I have it on good authority that dodo-meat is unpalatable. The fool that tries to make you into a McNugget better bring a butt-load of condiments if he’s expecting a happy meal. Besides: do I look desperate? DODO No. JENKINS So. DODO So? JENKINS There you go. DODO Oh. (Pause) JENKINS But… DODO What? (JENKINS smiles) What? What, “but”?

6

JENKINS How long have I been stranded here? DODO A fortnight ‘ere it rained. JENKINS Plus two months. DODO Fourscore days ere it rained. JENKINS You’re mocking me. DODO Cajoling. JENKINS Never mind. Just hope and pray they find that Jenkins Smith. He’s the one you need to look out for. Jenkins Smith. He’s a maniac. DODO Maniac? JENKINS Ruthless. Focused. Kind of focused.

That’s what I heard.

DODO I don’t get it.

“Kind of focused”?

Is this voodoo?

JENKINS He’s focused, he’s focused. Believe me. be. No, it’s not voodoo.

He is.

(Pause. JENKINS looks perplexed) DODO What’s going on? JENKINS I’m trying to think. DODO Why?

Or he can

7

JENKINS I’m human. DODO So I should cut you some slack?

What you thinking about?

JENKINS Nothing. DODO Tell me. JENKINS Never mind. DODO What’s going on? JENKINS Never mind! DODO All right! (Pause. JENKINS sets aside his pen and calendar; DODO amuses himself) DODO (To himself) What but. (Laughs, repeats it rhythmically) “What but, what but…”! Hey! I like that! “What but…”! (Shouts) WHAT-BUT! WHAT-BUT! WHAT-BUT! JENKINS HEY! DODO What…? JENKINS Look. DODO …but!

8

JENKINS Stop that.

Listen. DODO

I’m listening. JENKINS I’d study the cautions of the Aztecs.

If I was you.

DODO You’re the only one who even knows I’m here. JENKINS Beware of Jenkins. DODO You are Jenkins. JENKINS Beware of Jenkins Smith, the hunter. philanthropy.

He has no interest in

(JENKINS walks offstage) DODO WHAT BUT! Wait! Check this out: WET BUTT! (Beat) What’s “philanthropy”? Is that some kind of sushi? (Noticing the departing JENKINS) Where you headed? (JENKINS enters carrying a card table and table- cloth. He proceeds to set up the table during the next exchange. He also takes various things out of the picnic basket: a vase with flowers, two taper candles in brass holders and a place setting with nice China) WHAT BUT!

Hey. You are Jenkins.

DODO What am I missing, here?

JENKINS You should trim those nails. (JENKINS exits)

9 DODO My nails help me eat cheese doodles. They’re part of my survival mechanism. Hey, did you call me extinct? (JENKINS enters carrying a small butcher’s table, complete with tools. He sets it down) JENKINS I did. DODO I’m no more extinct than you. JENKINS Sorry. You are. I won’t insist but you really are. You’re an anomaly. An anachronism. The last of your species plus you have a head cold. Also, you eat a lot of trans fats. Maybe the pigs, rats and settlers overlooked you but Jenkins Smith is on your trail. Hear that? DODO What? JENKINS You don’t hear it? Hear what?

DODO You?! I hear you!

A machine.

JENKINS Don’t you hear it?

DODO You barbiturate my senses, you foolish! You soap-stain! You disposable diaper! Me, of all flightless birds! You should coddle me! I’m getting lionized as we speak! I demand green M&M’s at my concerts. JENKINS Celebrity may not be a good thing. You it! the one

For you.

DODO want my autograph! Come on! You want it! Just say That’s why you came here! Not just to get away from crazy, Whack-a-Mole world but to get my autocrat! Plus of my guitar picks.

10 JENKINS No. DODO No? JENKINS You don’t have concerts. You don’t even play guitar. But I own one.

DODO I think I own two.

I think I nest in one.

JENKINS And you have to do something about these unruly feathers. I just noticed another one sticking out. Also: is that a booger? (JENKINS places a great amount of various condiments on the butcher table: ketchup, plain mustard, spicy mustard, steak sauce, parmesan cheese, salad dressing, mayonnaise, etc.) DODO I’m in an external mood, that’s all. Cut me some slack. I’m in a basic, simple, ponderous, laborious, stagnant, decadently underdeveloped mood. I haven’t gotten a haircut in much excess of time and may yet wait a fortnight ere I groom. External. I might just let my eyelashes grow. How do I look? Am I bilateral? JENKINS What a strange question. DODO Am I bilateral? JENKINS Who asks such questions? DODO AM I BILATERAL? JENKINS As bilateral as a drunken quadruped.

11 DODO Don’t joke. I’m talking in terms of symmetry. Am I bilateral? Do you not understand the question? The one that just left my mouth? How about the one I’m about to say? This one: who waters your hair? Huh! What do you think of that! I have other questions, too. How many toads can you fit in a toaster? That’s another question. Bizarre, yet a question. And statements, too. Like this: I’ve been dreaming of asymmetry lately. Sometimes I’ll clarify these statements: not dreams but nightmares, really. See that? That was a clarification. Sometimes I won’t clarify and will, instead, opt to keep things generalized. But that’s rare. I’m pretty down to earth. I like things crisp. I once tried learning guitar. Don’t believe it? JENKINS Never questioned it. DODO Well, you’d be wrong! I may be detail oriented but I am down to earth. What choice do I have? I’m a flightless bird. Consider the strange concern I have to know whether or not my features are bilaterally symmetrical. Perhaps you can straighten me out, boy. JENKINS You’re bilaterally symmetrical, already. DODO I don’t believe you. JENKINS You’re no Picasso. DODO And you’re no Streisand! The nerve. I never! Or have I? Such a dirge of patience you have! I’m going through an experimental phase and you can’t handle it. As you know, I’m trying to mutate. Thou hast repeatedly—ad nauseam— encouraged this, thusly. Hence, I want to see if I can grab a piece of the survival-of-the-fittest pie. It’s worth a shot. And who knows? If my girlfriend shows up, I might even get cloned. Or is that laid? Whatever! Hope springs fraternal. Then hope springs external—if you know what I’m saying. (Noticing the tables and condiments)

12

DODO (Continued) That’s a lot of condiments. (JENKINS smiles, says nothing) Thou shouldst eat to live, not live to eat. (JENKINS whistles a tune and continues) What are you doing? What is this putting up the table, fidgeting with a candle, setting a place for supper? How am I to understand this? See that? I’m planting questions again and no one’s picking the answers. Someone should. Someone will, one day. Who’s next? That is the question. Hear me now! WHO’S NEXT? JENKINS Stop yelling. DODO Don’t ignore me. I know I babble a lot but right now I’m espousing profundities of survival in my own premonitory way. I SPEAK THE QUESTION! AND I SHALL ONE DAY BE THE QUESTION! AND THE QUESTION IS THUS: WHO’S NEXT??? JENKINS Quit your jibber-jabber, fool. DODO AM I NOT THE QUESTION? JENKINS Are you not what question? DODO Exactly. JENKINS What? DODO WHO HOLDS THE ANSWER? No! Wait! I feel a rephrase coming on: YOU HOLD THE ANSWER! (Pause) Get it? (Pause) JENKINS No.

13

DODO Maybe you do. JENKINS I’m quite sure I don’t. DODO You are not the answer…listen to me. (JENKINS is busy with the table) BOY! (Pause) JENKINS Excuse me? DODO Got your attention, eh? (JENKINS waits) You are not the answer. But you hold the answer. JENKINS Did you call me, “boy”? DODO I did. JENKINS Do not call me, “boy”. DODO I won’t. JENKINS But you did. DODO True. Don’t do it again.

JENKINS You’re not my father. DODO

Sorry, son. (JENKINS returns to the table) All right. I’m done. Ignore me. Just wait.

Got it?

14

JENKINS I’m very patient.

I’ll wait.

DODO Then sit down a spell. You make me feel guilty with all these womanly duties of yours. JENKINS Don’t fret, my flightless friend. You’ll think of something. DODO What? Don’t fret.

JENKINS You’ll think of something. DODO

I know. (Pause) What do you mean? JENKINS Don’t fret. DODO I’m not. JENKINS Good. (Pause) DODO Am I? JENKINS Who knows.

Just don’t. DODO

I’m not fretting. JENKINS Good. (JENKINS unfurls the tablecloth)

15 DODO Why would you say that? JENKINS What? DODO Why would you say I was fretting? JENKINS Did I? DODO You just did! JENKINS Then don’t. DODO I’m not! JENKINS (Setting the tablecloth) Good. DODO I’m not fretting! JENKINS Good. Watch your back. Watch my back! are you saying?

DODO What does that mean, watch my back!

What

JENKINS (Still working to set the tablecloth evenly) Don’t fret. DODO I’M NOT FRETTING!!! JENKINS You’ll think of something. DODO WHAT! WHAT! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE THINKING OF?!

16

(Pause) JENKINS Something. Anything. You better. If you’re going to survive, you’re going to have to figure out a way to mutate. That’s all there is to it. Alter your DNA. There’s still time. Think of something. Try to survive. Just try. Jenkins is on to you. I’m telling you because I like you. I don’t know you very well, but you’re fun to chat with. And I’ve seen Jenkins make jerky out of the last specimens of Hawaiian Rail, Passenger Pigeon and the Bonin Night Heron. He’s a butcher. Be careful. Don’t instigate him. And for God’s sake, mutate. Read your Darwin. Learn. And watch your back. DODO Okay! Good! These are good tips! Fine! I think I got the back covered! I’ve been meaning to mutate, I’m just not sure how! I’m just nervous, you know? I don’t want to screw up! JENKINS How can you screw up? DODO Mutating would be pointless if it doesn’t help you adapt for survival, am I right? I think I got the right hootenanny on that! But what to mutate? What to mutate, what to mutate…! JENKINS (Setting the candles on the table) You’ll think of something. DODO My beak! JENKINS Yeah? DODO That’s it! Perfect! I’ll mutate my beak into a beer bottle opener then rent myself out to frat boys! Hah? That’ll do it! I’ll serve a purpose then! I will! (Pause) I guess.

17

DODO (Continued) (Pause) Maybe. (Pause) I’ll think of something.

I might think of something.

JENKINS You’ll think of something. DODO What are you doing? JENKINS Me? DODO Yeah. You. Who else? JENKINS Nothing. DODO That’s a lot of nothing. I like to streamline my nothings. Nothings should be basic. More basic than this. I like my nothings to include less moving around than you. (Lost in thought) So, I’ll try to think of something. Is that what I’m doing? I don’t know what to think of, but I’ll try. Perhaps I’ll try to try to think of thinking about pondering and considering thinking of something. Perhaps I’ll even entertain the possibility of thinking of something and pondering and considering thinking of something… Shush now.

JENKINS Don’t belittle me.

Don’t shush me.

DODO I know karate. JENKINS

You do not. DODO I can spell karate.

18

Just try to mutate.

JENKINS It’s your one shot.

Just try.

DODO I am trying. JENKINS Try harder. DODO I am trying harder. JENKINS You’re not trying hard enough. (Pause. DODO closes his eyes. He seems to be trying to force something, as if he’s constipated. Suddenly, he opens his eyes) DODO There. JENKINS What? DODO I mutated. JENKINS You did not. DODO I did. JENKINS You did not. DODO I think I did. JENKINS I think you went to the bathroom. DODO Oh no.

Did I?

19 JENKINS I think so. (Sniffs) Yeah. I think so. DODO Is that different than mutating? JENKINS You know it is. DODO Dang. Well, I’m not going to worry about it now. (Sniffs) Yeah, I think you’re right. Oh, well. I’ll clean it up later. For right now, I’ll just sit in it. I find that it entertains and comforts me. JENKINS What if I told you that I found that disgusting? DODO I’d acquiesce. It is disgusting. I know. To be entertained by crap is disgusting. Yet we continue to watch reality TV. Look. I’m a bird. I sit in fecal matter. That’s what makes me a survivor. Some can’t take that. You can’t take it. I feel your pain yet I must defeat you. I can’t concern myself too much with your well-being. I’m stronger than you. I poop in my nest. It’s what birds do. I poop in other places, too. JENKINS Where? DODO Just look at this forest, boy. SON! My poop carries treats. Maybe we know something you don’t. After all, you wrote a poem about me. You idolize me. My disgusting nature fascinates you. Read your poem to me. JENKINS It needs work. DODO Then work on it.

20

JENKINS I will. DODO When? JENKINS Soon. DODO When? JENKINS Soon. DODO When soon? JENKINS Soon. Not now. DODO You’re on the brink of extinction, you know. JENKINS (Taking the cutlery out of the basket) You can’t distract me. I’m too focused. You do show improvement.

DODO But I know things. JENKINS

What do you know? DODO I hear things. JENKINS What do you hear? DODO Rumors. JENKINS What rumors?

21 DODO Comments. JENKINS Oh, stop. I do.

DODO Data. I see reports. JENKINS

What kind of reports? DODO Verbal. Animals talk. You know. together and they gab.

Get a bunch of animals

JENKINS Really. DODO Yeah. The living ones. JENKINS What does that mean? DODO Just that. The living ones. The dead ones gab but more quietly. You need an anthropologist to hear them. JENKINS Look. Part of me is on the brink of extinction, part of me isn’t. Okay? It’s nothing to worry about. We have it under control. You should worry, not me. DODO That’s not what the jungle’s been saying. JENKINS What does that mean? DODO I heard some things. JENKINS What things?

22 DODO I heard some things. JENKINS What did you hear? DODO I see some things. JENKINS What did you see? DODO Things. JENKINS Who you been talking to? DODO No one. JENKINS No one? DODO No one. JENKINS You’re contradicting yourself. DODO Don’t ask me who I’ve been talking to. JENKINS You don’t want to tell me. DODO It’s just more like, what have I been talking to. JENKINS What does that mean? DODO Sometimes I talk to your fancy pen. JENKINS What do you mean?

23 DODO Sometimes I talk to your rifle with the ivory inlays. JENKINS What makes you think I have a rifle? Forget it.

DODO I won’t push. Hey. Do the rose bushes.

JENKINS I don’t feel like doing the rose bushes. DODO Then do the statue. JENKINS Which statue? That one statue.

DODO You know. JENKINS

That one statue? DODO Yeah, that one. JENKINS Or do you mean the other one? DODO No, that one. JENKINS Okay. DODO Okay! Why not.

JENKINS It will pass time until dinner.

DODO Goody! What are we having for dinner? JENKINS Food.

24

DODO What kind of food? JENKINS You. DODO Me?! JENKINS Your kind of food. DODO Wow. I’m the guest of honor, eh? eat?

But what are we going to

JENKINS What do you have a taste for? DODO Ding Dongs. Curly fries.

Something healthy.

Mountain Dew.

JENKINS And where do you see these treats? (DODO looks around) DODO Hah… JENKINS Do you see any food? Oh.

That’s right.

DODO Then why you setting the table?

JENKINS Tradition. Okay. Let’s do the statue. (Stands, delivering a speech) In 1880, Rodin began work on his masterpiece, Gates of Hell, a sculptured bronze door for…where? DODO My kitchen! JENKINS Where?

25 DODO My…uh…oh!

Laundry room! JENKINS Strange! Where?

Laundry room?!

(Beat) Three?

I don’t know.

We don’t have to.

DODO Do we usually do three?

JENKINS We can stop at two.

DODO Yeah. I want to stop at two. JENKINS So, what did you have?

That’s fine.

Laundry room and…

DODO Kitchen. JENKINS Laundry room and kitchen. Good. I like laundry room. I do, too.

DODO I don’t even know where I came up with it. JENKINS You sure you don’t want to do a third one?

Very original.

DODO I’d love to do a third one. I just can’t think of anything. JENKINS How about patio? DODO Hasn’t patio been done? JENKINS Patio’s been done to death. It’s standard. DODO Then I don’t want to do patio.

26 JENKINS How about hallway? DODO Hallway?! Nobody does hallway! JENKINS Nobody has. DODO Then why would I want to do hallway? JENKINS You’d be the first. DODO Everyone would look at me funny. hallway.

No, I don’t want to do

JENKINS Maybe we’ll just stop at two. Kitchen and laundry room. laundry room was good.

DODO I feel good about that.

And

JENKINS Excellent. Now it’s my turn. (JENKINS crosses to the tree stump) Perhaps you can amuse me for a moment? DODO Oh? Hah. What have I been doing all day? Amusing yourself. something.

JENKINS Don’t worry. I just need to check

DODO I’m not worried. What are you saying? Hah! Me? Worry? Not with this fine DNA. How should I amuse you? Does it involve dancing? JENKINS Come over here for a second. DODO

27 Why? JENKINS (Brandishing a large, fancy hunting knife with ivory inlays he takes from his pocket obscuring the blade from DODO) You sound worried. I just need to check something. (Pause) DODO That’s a pretty stick. JENKINS It is. DODO And a big stick. JENKINS I agree. Ergo: a pretty big stick.

DODO In your possession. JENKINS

You’re so very smart. DODO But not very pretty. JENKINS Not very. DODO Okay. I’ll help you check on your doohickey. careful with that stick. JENKINS I’m always careful. (DODO walks over to JENKINS) DODO Okay. Happy?

But be

28 JENKINS No. But reasonably content. DODO So what did I walk all the way over here for? JENKINS Do me a favor and lay your head on this stump. DODO That stump? JENKINS This one right here. DODO (Crossing to the stump, laying lengthwise on the ground and resting his head on the stump as if it were a pillow) Why am I doing this? JENKINS I need to check my swinging ratio. DODO Ah. JENKINS (Slowly lowering the knife toward DODO’S head but without the physical intent to do anything more than test the distance. It’s as if he’s checking his golf swing. He repeats this a couple of times) I’ve been meaning to ask you. DODO Yes? JENKINS About your egg… DODO Yes? (Pause) What? JENKINS

29 Just that.

I’ve been meaning to ask you about your egg.

DODO (Sitting back up) Are you done with this? My neck’s starting to hurt. JENKINS Yes, that’s fine. DODO That’s it? JENKINS That’s it.

For now.

DODO So, what do you want to know about my egg? JENKINS How is it? DODO Fine. JENKINS Good. (Pause) DODO That’s it? JENKINS Yes. I just wanted to know how your egg was. DODO It’s fine. JENKINS Good. (Pause) DODO Why?

30 JENKINS Why what? DODO Why did you want to know how my egg was? JENKINS You still have it, don’t you? DODO Of course I do. JENKINS Good. DODO Why? I was just asking.

JENKINS Is it okay if I ask? DODO

I guess so. JENKINS Or should I first ask permission to ask? Don’t be ridiculous. up.

DODO I just didn’t know why you brought it

JENKINS You do still have your egg don’t you? DODO Yeah. Why? JENKINS I’m just asking. DODO Why are you just asking? JENKINS I’m just asking. DODO

31 No. Tell me why you want to know about my egg. JENKINS Can’t I ask you about your egg? DODO Of course you can ask me about my egg! That’s not the issue anymore. My egg is fine. We’ve already covered that. I want to know why you are asking about my egg. JENKINS Are you worried about it? DODO What? JENKINS Your egg. DODO Why would I be worried about it? JENKINS I’m not saying you would be or should be worried about it, I’m just asking if you are worried about it. DODO No, I’m not worried about my egg. be worried about it?

It’s fine.

Why would I

JENKINS You’re actually starting to sound worried about it. DODO That’s because you’re talking about it. JENKINS Why would my talking about it make you worried about it? DODO I don’t know. You’re just getting me worked up. I’m starting to wonder if I should be worried. About it. JENKINS Why would you wonder that? DODO

32 Because you got me thinking about it. JENKINS Hey, it’s your egg, I was just asking about it. DODO Yeah but now that you’re asking, you got me thinking about it. Maybe that’s good.

JENKINS Maybe you should be thinking about it.

DODO Well, then I am thinking about it so that’s good, right? JENKINS I don’t know. You tell me.

Is it? DODO Is it good that I’m thinking about it or not?

JENKINS That’s not for me to decide. DODO Well, it’s not for me to decide! JENKINS Then who should decide? DODO I don’t know. JENKINS You don’t know. But if I were you, I’d try to figure out what’s going on with my egg. DODO Why? What is going on with my egg? JENKINS You need to figure that out. DODO Where is my egg? JENKINS

33 I have no idea.

Where do you keep it? DODO

I keep it in my bag. JENKINS Where’s your bag? DODO I don’t know. (DODO looks around the stage for his bag. He can’t seem to find it) Where’s my bag?! JENKINS You sure you had it? DODO Positive! JENKINS What color is it? DODO Brownish-gray. With a tiny. (Pause) JENKINS Yes…? DODO What? With a tiny what?

JENKINS You stopped mid-sentence. DODO

Did I? JENKINS With a tiny what? DODO Beak. I said “beak”. JENKINS

34 You didn’t. DODO I did. JENKINS A tiny beak? DODO Yeah. JENKINS You said a tiny beak? Yeah. A tiny beak.

DODO Thank you.

Tiny beak.

Why?

JENKINS Don’t get irritable. I’m just thinking about how much…what you’re describing? Sounds like your girlfriend. Of course it does. you say?

DODO That is my girlfriend.

Why? What did

JENKINS We’re looking for your bag. No, I know.

DODO My girlfriend’s nesting in my bag. JENKINS

Ah. DODO Yeah. So, we find my girlfriend we find my bag. JENKINS Got it. DODO Then my egg’s inside my bag with my girlfriend. JENKINS Got it.

35 DODO Yeah. So we gotta find her. JENKINS Where is she? DODO She’s at work. JENKINS Oh. DODO Yeah. JENKINS Where does she work? DODO Eddie Bauer. JENKINS At the mall? DODO Yeah, at the mall. JENKINS Well, if I ever get back to the mainland, I’ll have to check her out. Me too.

DODO I wish I wasn’t so flightless.

JENKINS So, they allow her to nest at work? DODO Yeah. They’re really good to their employees. JENKINS Then you need to get off this island. DODO Yeah. If we want to find my bag. JENKINS

36 Do you want to find your bag? DODO No. I’m fine with it where it’s at. JENKINS So why are you looking for it? Hah. Don’t know. not lost.

DODO Wait! I’m not.

I know where it is.

It’s

JENKINS Then we don’t need to find it. DODO No, we don’t. JENKINS Then why are you looking for it? DODO Because we wanted to find my egg which is in the bag. JENKINS You wanted to find your egg that was in the bag. DODO Not we? JENKINS No. DODO You mean, you wouldn’t help me find it? JENKINS You don’t need me to help you find it. is. That’s right. Good.

You know where it

DODO You’re right. That’s a good point.

(Pause) JENKINS

Okay.

37 You’re welcome. DODO Thank you.

Are you mad?

Why would I be mad?

JENKINS I don’t get mad.

DODO You said, “you’re welcome,” yet I hadn’t said, “thank you”. So, I thought you expected me to say, “thank you”. JENKINS I see. DODO Good. (Pause) JENKINS Don’t be mad. DODO I’m not. JENKINS Good. DODO Good. (Pause. JENKINS takes off his belt and wraps it tightly inside-out around his forearm. He then takes his knife and drags the edge rhythmically across the belt to sharpen the blade) JENKINS Thank you. DODO You’re welcome. (Beat) Why’d you say “thank you”?

38

JENKINS You don’t walk very well, do you? DODO I don’t walk very well, this is true. worse. Why’d you say “thank you”? You don’t fly at all.

And I fly even

JENKINS Do you swim?

DODO Do you sing? No, I don’t swim. Yes. I know. Appreciate the reminder. So, why’d you say, “thank you”? JENKINS You don’t even try to fly. DODO I haven’t. JENKINS But you feel your egg’s okay. DODO What this now about my egg? JENKINS You think it’s okay. DODO Is that what I said? JENKINS Yes. I hope it’s okay.

DODO I’m worried about my egg.

JENKINS Your feathers look unruly. DODO What?

39

JENKINS Where are your keys? DODO What? JENKINS Where are your keys? DODO Why are you asking about my keys? JENKINS Do you know where they are? DODO Why do you think I don’t know where they are? JENKINS I didn’t say I didn’t think you knew where they were. was just asking if you did know where they were. DODO Don’t you think I know where they are? JENKINS I don’t know if you do or you don’t. DODO They’re in my bag. JENKINS Ah. (Pause) DODO I think. JENKINS When did you last see them? I don’t remember.

DODO In the fridge.

I’m just asking.

I

40

JENKINS In the fridge? DODO Yeah, in the fridge. JENKINS What were they doing in the fridge? DODO I think that’s where I left them. JENKINS Why would you leave them in the fridge? DODO I don’t know. JENKINS Then how do you know you left them in the fridge? DODO I don’t. JENKINS Then why did you say you did? DODO I didn’t. JENKINS Then why did you say that you thought you left them in the fridge? DODO Because. JENKINS Because why? DODO I had a vision. JENKINS Ah.

41

DODO I blinked. And in the darkness of my closed eyes I had a vision. For a brief, brief moment. My fridge with the door open. Half-bottle white vinegar. Bottle of mustard. The Louisiana Purchase. Killer bees. String cheese. Quart of milk. Little Big Horn. The House of Hannover. A half a loaf of bread. A stick of butter. An upside-down bottle of ketchup. Audrey Hepburn. And next to her, my keys. That’s what I saw. JENKINS Ah. DODO I don’t know why. JENKINS Check your pockets. DODO (Checking in his pockets, he pulls out a ring of keys throws them down) Here they are. JENKINS Good. DODO Good. JENKINS Are you relieved? DODO Very. JENKINS Good. (Pause. DODO puts the keys back into his pocket) What’s Audrey Hepburn doing in your fridge? DODO That was a gift.

42 JENKINS Really? DODO Really. JENKINS Is it actually Audrey Hepburn? The entire person? DODO I’m not sure. JENKINS How can you not be sure? DODO I don’t look that closely. I got it as a gift from some company for sending in a bunch of UPC’s from those bags of cheese doodles. I haven’t really done anything with her. I just thought I should keep her in the fridge so she doesn’t start to rot. JENKINS Maybe you should put her in the freezer. Not enough room.

DODO She’s fine in the fridge.

JENKINS (Not satisfied with the sharpness of the blade, JENKINS takes a sharpening stone out of the picnic basket) Why’s the ketchup upside down? DODO The bottle’s almost out. JENKINS Ah. DODO Yeah. I don’t like to waste any. JENKINS Smart. DODO

43 Really? JENKINS No. DODO No? JENKINS A little. Not dumb by any means. Just not brilliant. (He takes the hunting knife and begins dragging it across the stone to sharpen it) I mean, we all do things like that. Doesn’t make us ingenious. Doesn’t mean we won’t go extinct. DODO Oh yeah? JENKINS Mm-hmm. DODO Well, you know what? JENKINS What? DODO I also have a bottle of steak sauce upside down in my fridge. I don’t think I deserve a medal for it or anything but, still, I got a bottle of steak sauce upside down in my fridge. JENKINS We all do things like that. We don’t want to waste something. Everything serves a purpose. Details are important. DODO But you know what else? JENKINS What? DODO I’m glad I did it.

44

JENKINS Are you? DODO I am. I am smart guy. Otherwise, steak sauce would get wasted for sure. Guaranteed. JENKINS It shows prudence. Don’t misunderstand. think it’s noteworthy.

I just don’t

DODO You don’t. JENKINS I don’t. DODO You do. JENKINS No, I don’t. DODO You’re kidding. It’s important. That’s one of my strengths.

I’m saving something.

JENKINS Is it? DODO One of my favorite strengths.

Don’t diminish it.

JENKINS I just don’t think it’s that important. DODO It is important. JENKINS It’s not. DODO It is.

45

JENKINS It’s not. It is! It is important! important to me!

DODO I know it sounds petty but it’s JENKINS

Relax. DODO I’m relaxed! JENKINS You don’t sound relaxed. DODO (Almost shouting) I AM RELAXED! JENKINS It’s not that important. DODO IT IS IMPORTANT! JENKINS But it really isn’t. DODO IT IS! JENKINS It’s minor. DODO (Standing on the crate) UPSIDE-DOWN! MY FRIDGE! RIGHT NOW! SAUCE! I understand.

A BOTTLE OF STEAK

JENKINS I’m not disputing your point.

DODO

46 I mean, I mean, it was a pretty sharp move. Just not a genius move. Sure. I see your point. But more than just a little smart, though. I mean, I’m really glad I did that. Just like how I backed my car into a space at the mall. This was last year. Before the ship went down. Before the shuttle exploded. Before the blade fell. It was a smart move because, because, because, when it came time to leave, I just pulled straight out. I didn’t have to put the car in reverse, look out the back window, back up, yadda, yadda, yadda. I just drove. Saved time. Glad I did it. I’d do it again. JENKINS Do you drive? I wish I could drive.

DODO Why did you ask me that? JENKINS

You don’t drive? DODO You mean like an automobile? JENKINS Yeah. DODO No. JENKINS Then how could you back your car up in the mall parking lot? DODO I didn’t. JENKINS You just said you did. DODO No I didn’t. JENKINS You just did. DODO

47 No I didn’t. JENKINS You just did. DODO I did? JENKINS Yes. You did. DODO I did, didn’t I? JENKINS You did. DODO That’s because I wanted to. I live vicariously. No, I don’t. Yeah, I do. Sometimes. Often. Too often. Always. Not always, but often. I watched some guy do that at the mall. I think. That’s what I was thinking. I think. I’m getting very mixed up here. You’re befuddling me. JENKINS So you don’t drive? DODO No. I’m a bird. No opposable thumbs. Short legs. Stout neck. A dodo. Crappy eyesight. It just wouldn’t work. I bought a Cadillac. 1981. Eight cylinders. Black. It’s hot. I love it. I’m a pimp. Or I could have been. No, I am. I’m a pimp. But driving? It just wouldn’t work. JENKINS Have you tried? DODO I did. JENKINS What happened?

DODO

48 Nothing happened. I got in and just sat. I stared at the steering wheel and sat there. Couldn’t do anything. After a while I got out. I liked the smell, though. I eat my cheese doodles in there. Or I used to. I will again ere I wed. JENKINS Is it new? DODO 1981. It’s old. JENKINS So it wasn’t new car smell that you liked? DODO No. JENKINS But you liked the smell anyway? DODO I did. JENKINS What was the smell? DODO It’s hard to describe.

I don’t know.

JENKINS Try. DODO Why? JENKINS I want to know. DODO Why? JENKINS You can’t describe it, can you?

49 DODO I can describe it. JENKINS Then describe it. DODO I will. (Pause) It was pungent. JENKINS Pungent? DODO Yeah. JENKINS And you liked that? I did.

DODO It was like old gym socks. JENKINS

Old gym socks? DODO Yeah. JENKINS And you like that? DODO I do. JENKINS You like that smell? It comforts me. me.

DODO I know how that sounds. JENKINS

Really. DODO

But it comforts

50 You making fun of me? I also like the smell of vomit. got something to say about that, too?

You

JENKINS You like the smell of vomit? DODO Not a lot. Just a little. Just a flavor of it. It reminds me of my childhood and learning how to build a nest. So? JENKINS Really? DODO Yeah. JENKINS Interesting. Why does it remind you of that? DODO I don’t know. It just does. I think it was my mom. She fed us vomit a lot. Comfort food. To this day, vomit gets me choked up. I think of vomit and I get a lump in my throat. I always keep some vomit in the nest just for that reason. It comforts me. Okay? Are we through? JENKINS Is this the same nest you poop in? DODO I only have the one nest. JENKINS Okay, I’m throwing you a curve now. No. No curves.

DODO I don’t like curves. JENKINS

You’ll like this curve. DODO No! What do you mean? You, you, you…fossil fuel! you talking about? What are you about to do?

What are

51 JENKINS Would you mind coming over here again?

Switch topics. I don’t know.

DODO No. Yes. In a minute, maybe.

JENKINS Good. Are you okay with me switching topics? DODO What? What a stupid question. You always switch topics. Don’t be melodramatic. Why? What are you up to? JENKINS What do you mean? DODO You’re acting funny. Really. Ever since you sunk our boat you’ve been acting funny. JENKINS Wait! DODO What? JENKINS Hear that? DODO No! What? JENKINS It’s closer. DODO What’s closer? JENKINS The sound. A machine. More than one machine. hear it? Powerful. Part machine, part animal. everything in its path. Don’t you hear it? DODO I don’t hear it.

Don’t you Eating

52 JENKINS You’re kidding. DODO What does it sound like? JENKINS Your Cadillac. (Pause) DODO Oh? (Pause) Really? JENKINS Tell me about your Cadillac. DODO What do you want to know? JENKINS Did you poop in it, too? DODO I did. JENKINS Why? I’m a bird.

DODO That’s what we do. JENKINS

Want to know my opinion? DODO Sure. I don’t know. No. Yeah. Go ahead. JENKINS I think you should rethink that. DODO What? JENKINS

53 Pooping in the nest. Pooping in the car. Pooping in general, outside a toilet. You may want to consider not doing it. DODO What? JENKINS Is it that important to you? DODO It is.

I’m a bird.

JENKINS What does your girlfriend think of it? She’s fine with it. nest, too.

DODO She’s a bird, too.

She poops in my

JENKINS And you don’t mind? DODO I want her to. I encourage her to. I love her. I want to marry her. I want her to know that she can poop in my nest. I want us to poop in it together. I hope to one day not be able to tell which poop is hers and which is mine. JENKINS You mean, you can tell now? DODO Oh yeah. JENKINS That’s wrong. DODO No, it’s fine. JENKINS It’s disgusting. DODO It’s fine.

I’m a bird.

54 JENKINS You say that a lot. DODO What? JENKINS That you’re a bird. DODO I am a bird. JENKINS You seem uncertain. DODO I am certain. JENKINS Do you still own that Cadillac? DODO Now we’re back to the Cadillac. JENKINS Do you still own it? I do.

DODO I sit in there from time to time. JENKINS

What do you do in there? DODO Eat Burger King. Or Wendy’s. Fast food stuff. Cheese doodles. Sometimes I listen to the eight-track. JENKINS You have an eight-track player in there? DODO I do. JENKINS What do you listen to?

55 DODO Lots of stuff. Rare Earth. Humble Pie. Inna Gadadavida, baby.

Iron Butterfly.

JENKINS Don’t call me, “baby”. DODO No, that’s how the song goes. JENKINS Know what I think? DODO Do tell. JENKINS I think you should trade in your Caddy. DODO What?!

Why? JENKINS

It’s a gas guzzler. DODO But I don’t drive it. JENKINS It’s still a gas guzzler. I know, I know.

DODO I don’t drive it. JENKINS

You should get a scooter. DODO A scooter? JENKINS A scooter. DODO A scooter. JENKINS

I love that car.

56 Right. DODO Why? JENKINS You might be able to ride a scooter. DODO But I love my Caddy. JENKINS Why? DODO Women dig it. How would I look on a scooter?

I’m a pimp.

JENKINS Like a dodo on a scooter. And you’re not a pimp. you think you look in your Caddy?

How do

DODO I look good in my Caddy. JENKINS Does anyone see you in your Caddy? DODO I don’t know. JENKINS You don’t know? DODO I have no way of knowing. JENKINS Then how do you know women dig it? DODO You can tell. Interesting. Caddy.

JENKINS Okay. I’m gonna drop the thing about the

57 DODO Good. You’re starting to stress me. JENKINS Sorry. I have a couple new thoughts on your egg. DODO Why do you keep bringing up my egg?

We’re done with my egg.

JENKINS You say you keep it inside your girlfriend. DODO I do. JENKINS Why? DODO I have no choice. JENKINS Why not? DODO Because it’s part of her reproductive cycle. It’s attached to her uterus. Until it gets fertilized. Then it drops like a gumball. JENKINS Ah. DODO Right. JENKINS Then it’s really not your egg. It’s her egg. DODO No, it’s my egg. She’s my woman, I’m her man. woman. Her egg is my egg. JENKINS That’s an out-dated notion. An extinct notion. DODO

Me man she

58 Look. Don’t tell me how to run my nest. JENKINS Sorry. Just trying to help you mutate. DODO Really? JENKINS Indeed. But I wanted to bring up a touchy point about your girlfriend. DODO You have a crush on her, don’t you? JENKINS No. DODO You do. JENKINS I don’t. Everyone wants my Alice.

DODO My sweet, wonderful Alice.

JENKINS Are you sure she’s right for you? DODO How can you ask that? JENKINS Well, you’re a dodo. DODO I am. JENKINS And what is she? DODO A sparrow. JENKINS That strikes me as odd.

59

DODO Why? JENKINS It never struck you as odd? DODO We’re both birds. JENKINS So, that never struck you as odd? DODO It has not.

Why? JENKINS

It strikes me as odd. DODO Why? JENKINS You can never breed. You’re a completely different species. It can’t work. I love her.

DODO She’s my sweetie. JENKINS

Are you sure about that? DODO What are you saying? I’m not saying anything.

JENKINS I’m asking you something. DODO

What are you asking? JENKINS Just how do you know she’s really your girlfriend? been in your Caddy? DODO No. I haven’t gotten her in there yet.

Has she

60

JENKINS Have you kissed her? DODO That’s personal. JENKINS Have you? Why are you asking?

DODO And what’s all this set-up for? JENKINS

Have you? DODO I have not. JENKINS How do you know she’s your girlfriend? DODO She’s carrying my egg. JENKINS She’s carrying her egg. DODO Technically. JENKINS Have you spoken to her? DODO What! Of course. JENKINS Has she replied? (Pause) Has she replied? DODO She has not. JENKINS Then how do you know she’s your girlfriend?

61

DODO I just know. JENKINS How? DODO She perches on my beak. JENKINS She perches on your beak. DODO She does. JENKINS So that makes her your girlfriend. DODO I think so. JENKINS Interesting. What does she do on your beak? DODO She poops. JENKINS Really? DODO Really. JENKINS On your beak? DODO Sometimes. Sometimes on my toes. JENKINS Doesn’t that bother you? (Pause) DODO Should it bother me?

62

JENKINS Do I really need to answer that question? (Pause) DODO Hey, do the statue. JENKINS I already did the statue. DODO Do the aircraft carrier. JENKINS I don’t have the props. DODO Do the prime minister. JENKINS Not right now. DODO Maybe later? JENKINS Maybe. DODO Maybe after lunch. (Pause) Maybe after lunch. (Pause) Maybe…you’re not listening. JENKINS I should tell you something. DODO What’s wrong. JENKINS You won’t be eating lunch. DODO

63 Oh no! JENKINS Sorry. DODO Why not? JENKINS Don’t fret. DODO I’m not fretting! JENKINS Let me say something. DODO What? JENKINS If I were you… DODO Yeah? JENKINS I’d mutate. I’m trying.

You saw me.

DODO You know I tried. JENKINS

Genetically? DODO What? Yeah! Of course, genetically! Is there any other way? What’s the point in mutating if you don’t alter your DNA! Otherwise, you’re just fooling yourself! Like you can pierce your elbow or something but your kid won’t be born with a pierced elbow no matter what you do. So, I’ve been trying to alter my DNA! Every time I go to the can I push real hard ‘cause I’m hoping that will get my chromosomes dancing! JENKINS And in the end you just have a bad hair day.

64

DODO What? No! I had some success! I mutated a little, I think! You think my species is really in the pooper, huh? I know I’m the last dodo but that’s why I’m dating! I think a half-breed dodo-sparrow combo might be kinda cool. JENKINS Keep dreaming. DODO I never stopped. JENKINS And watch your back. I mutated earlier. do you say that?

DODO What do you mean, watch my back?

Why

JENKINS Can you fly? DODO You know I can’t. JENKINS Have you tried? DODO No. JENKINS Why not? DODO What do you mean why not? JENKINS How do you know you can’t fly? DODO I’m a flightless bird. You mean in an airplane? understand your question. JENKINS

I don’t

65 Can you swim? DODO Why are you asking these questions?

You know I can’t swim.

JENKINS Have you tried? DODO I’d drown. JENKINS So you haven’t tried. DODO Why would I try it if I know I’d drown? JENKINS How do you know you’d drown if you haven’t tried? DODO I don’t like this conversation. This is human talk. I don’t like this. You guys do this kinda stuff. It backfires, you know. You’re whistling “Dixie” without a net. JENKINS This conversation makes you uncomfortable? Very uncomfortable.

DODO What’s happening here? JENKINS

Why? DODO Ask me to surf, why don’t ya. Why does it make me uncomfortable? How many words a minute do I type? Do I play the violin? How’s my German? Go ahead! I’m a dodo! Have a good time! I’m a dodo! How do you think it feels Mr. I-write-poetry? Mr. I-write-formal-verse! You write in a tux? What? Hey! Check this out! I’m amidst an argument now! Cool! You want epithets? I’ll give you epithets! Huh? Make fun of me sitting in my Cadillac, why don’t ya! Huh?

66 JENKINS You should sell that Cadillac. I need my Cadillac. has a great stereo. a pimp.

DODO That’s where I eat cheese doodles. It I like the smell. It’s my Caddy. I’m JENKINS

You’re not a pimp. DODO I’m not a pimp? JENKINS No. DODO You sure? JENKINS You’re a dodo. DODO A dodo. JENKINS Yeah. A plump, funny-looking, flightless bird. DODO A plump… (He seems confused) JENKINS Funny-looking… DODO Funny-looking… JENKINS Dopey… DODO Dopey? JENKINS

67 Flightless bird. A plump, extraneous, funny-looking, superfluous, flightless bird. (Pause) DODO Wait. You’re adding things. JENKINS You sure about that? DODO No. Say. How’s your arm? JENKINS Better. DODO You sure? JENKINS I’m sure. DODO How’d you cut it, anyway? JENKINS Let’s not talk about that right now. DODO I’d like to know, please. JENKINS Pruning foliage. DODO Really? JENKINS Really. DODO You sure? JENKINS Yes.

68 DODO You don’t sound sure. JENKINS I’m trying to be sure. DODO Hey. JENKINS What. DODO Do the statue. JENKINS I don’t want to do the statue. DODO Oh. Hey. JENKINS What. DODO Do something. JENKINS Maybe I should do something different. DODO Cool. JENKINS Maybe I should do something I haven’t done before. DODO Wow. A maverick. JENKINS Maybe I should do…the bird. DODO I like that. That sounds fresh. to do the bird. JENKINS

Invigorating.

I want you

69 I’ll do the bird.

I kind of feel like doing the bird. DODO

Cool. JENKINS Here goes. (Speaking out like a tour guide) Here we have the dodo. A pudgy little flightless bird. Kingdom: animalia. Phylum: chordata. Order: well, let’s just say he kinda looks like a pigeon. Or did. Because less than two-hundred years after it was first discovered, all dodos had perished. Dead. Gone. Extinct. Pushing up the daisies. No one even knew the dodo existed until the year 1507 when Portuguese explorers first arrived at the small island of Mauritius, east of Madagascar, the only known home of the dodo. A funny-looking little fella, to the best of our knowledge the name “dodo” is either derived from the Dutch word, “dodoor,” meaning, “sluggard”; or the Portuguese word, “doudo” meaning, “foolish” or “simple”. This silly little guy was pretty much doomed from the getgo. Although dodo meat was, by all known accounts, gamy and unpalatable, European settlers destroyed its habitat and hunted it to extinction in under two centuries, with the help of the pigs, dogs and cats that the Europeans also introduced to the island of Mauritius. Why? Who knows. Target practice? Maybe. After all, they were pretty easy targets. We just don’t know. Or maybe we do know. After all, look at him. DODO Hello. JENKINS The dodo is now extinct to the tune of 100%. DODO What’d you say? JENKINS Nothing. DODO Good. That was great. I’m like a rock star. Except for that last line. After all, I’m still here. I wish you’d quit saying that extinction stuff. Really.

70 JENKINS (Takes a napkin from his pocket and tucks it under his chin as he walks to the tree stump) Well, occasionally the universe presents us with loose ends. That’s why I’m here. DODO Read me your poem. JENKINS It needs work. That’s okay.

DODO Read it anyway. JENKINS

Come over here. DODO Why? JENKINS Just come over here. DODO Why? I got a surprise.

JENKINS Come over here.

(DODO waddles over to JENKINS) DODO My feet hurt. I think I have bunions. I gotta have ‘em looked at. Maybe you’d be a doll and rub my feet. JENKINS You know what? DODO What? JENKINS You should trim that.

71 DODO Trim what? JENKINS That thing. DODO What thing? JENKINS That feather. DODO Where? There. On your back. trim that. Oh that.

JENKINS It’s sticking out funny.

DODO It’s not sticking out.

You should

It grows that way.

JENKINS Really? DODO Yeah. You can pull it out but it will just grow back the same way. JENKINS Really? Really. So? I’m here now.

DODO What do you want me to do? JENKINS

Tell you what. DODO What. JENKINS I will read the poem. DODO Goody.

72 JENKINS On one condition. DODO Sure. JENKINS That once I’ve read the poem… DODO Yeah? JENKINS You’ll be willing to break for lunch. (Pause) DODO Okay. JENKINS Good. DODO Who are you, again? JENKINS I’m Jenkins. DODO You’re Jenkins Smith, aren’t you?

The hunter?

JENKINS What if I am? I want your autograph. Maybe later. lunch, okay?

DODO You’re famous.

JENKINS I’ll read the poem then we’ll break for DODO

That sounds delightful. JENKINS

73 (Standing behind the stump) I want you to do me a favor while I read the poem. DODO How is it I didn’t know that you were Jenkins Smith? JENKINS You did know. DODO I did? JENKINS You did. DODO But you told me earlier that you weren’t Jenkins Smith. JENKINS I know I did. DODO Why did you do that? JENKINS Because. DODO Because why? JENKINS Because I knew you’d believe me. DODO You did. JENKINS I did. DODO Why? Because you’re a dodo. stump.

JENKINS Now lay your head down on this DODO

74 (DODO lays his head on it) Like this? JENKINS Perfect. (JENKINS recites the poem from memory. While he recites, he takes his hunting knife from its sheath and clasps it in front of himself) Today you drove for borders, leaving space to the diminishing sun. Stirring would not wait for sleep’s second solution; you woke within concluding plans. In the labor of waiting, time’s no longer a luxury. And the road rolls around the past. The thought of a deep lake released this motion but mars the view that moves you: hold when thoughts tumble from the end. And drive: this decision would have collapsed if easy. Stop; look up – see stars blink in silence as symbols of peace: flickering sky’s celluloid, some are live – some are fossils blooming lost light: somewhere it is always yesterday; in this view it’s here. So close your lids in wakeful dreams and see you’re always here. You can make this decision again for years. (JENKINS lifts the knife) DODO Hey. JENKINS What. DODO What was that poem about? JENKINS Suicide. DODO Suicide?! What suicide?

75 JENKINS Shhh… I don’t get it.

DODO I thought you wrote a poem about me.

JENKINS I did write a poem about you. DODO Then that’s the one to recite, boy! I don’t understand your poem! Was that a sonnet? A love sonnet? JENKINS It was not. DODO A limerick? JENKINS No. DODO Ha! JENKINS What? DODO You’re extinct. JENKINS You think so, eh? DODO You’re extinct and you don’t even know it.

I do.

JENKINS That’s how you interpret things, eh? DODO It is. JENKINS I know. DODO

76 Then why’d you ask? JENKINS Shhh… DODO So, who committed suicide? JENKINS No one. DODO Who’s gonna commit suicide? JENKINS No one. DODO You sure? JENKINS Pretty sure. DODO That poem’s not about me, is it? JENKINS I seriously doubt it. DODO You sure? JENKINS How could it be about you? DODO How should I know what the jungle’s been telling you. JENKINS Are you sad? DODO No. JENKINS Do you feel like a failure?

77 DODO Naw. I feel juiced, I feel good. JENKINS Do you have regrets, guilt, doubt? Do you question your path yet can’t imagine any other? Do you have blood on your hands? DODO Hands? JENKINS Did you slaughter a Western Black Rhino without realizing it? DODO Wait, let me think…let me think… (Beat) That a trick question? JENKINS Do you crave hunting despite the pain? DODO That’s a lot of questions! I can’t answer all those questions! JENKINS You can’t? What? No! I could!

DODO Sure I can! JENKINS

Maybe you don’t have to. DODO No, I want to! Guilt? Sometimes. Actually? No. Regrets? I have a few. But then again, too few to mention. Doubts? I don’t think so. What were the other questions? JENKINS Never mind. DODO You don’t think I can answer them?

78 JENKINS I doubt it. DODO Well, maybe you’re right. After all, I am a dodo bird. JENKINS So, I’ve been told. DODO Yeah. (Pause) Say. JENKINS What. DODO How long have we been in this prison? JENKINS You’re not in prison. It feels like prison.

DODO I’m hungry. JENKINS

As am I.

Take a nap.

DODO I was just going to say, “I think I’ll take a nap”. therefore, sleepy?

Am I,

JENKINS You are. DODO Then a nap would make sense. JENKINS It would. (DODO seems completely oblivious to the knife) DODO You know what? JENKINS

79 What. DODO I made a big decision. JENKINS (Lifting the knife above DODO’S head) About what? DODO I think I’m gonna buy that abacus. JENKINS Really. DODO Yeah. Soon as I get back to the mainland, I’m buying that abacus. (Seeing the knife) Hey. JENKINS What? DODO That’s a cool knife. JENKINS Thank you. (JENKINS lowers the knife toward DODO’S neck)

BLACKOUT END OF ACT I

ACT II

80

SETTING:

Same as Act I, eighteen months later.

AT RISE:

An old, rusty knife protrudes from the stump; it is the knife JENKINS wielded in the first act. DODO and a new character, WHITE ELEPHANT sit facing each other on short, wooden stools, a partially played game of checkers between them. WHITE ELEPHANT smokes a cigarette. Nearby is a large ashtray in the shape of an elephant’s ear. DODO wears sunglasses, several gold chains around his neck and a pink cowboy hat with a large purple feather sticking out of it. WHITE ELEPHANT lights a new cigarette from his old one, taking a deep puff off of the new one then putting the other one between his lips and the new one on the lip of the ashtray. WHITE ELEPHANT coughs intensely for a few moments.

DODO (Moving a checker) When did you start smoking? WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t smoke. (Pause) Wait. (He moves a checker but doesn’t let go of it. Pause. He moves his checker back and lets go of it; it is still his turn) I don’t smoke. DODO You’re smoking right now. (Pause for several moments.

WHITE

81 ELEPHANT studies the board, sighs. DODO clears his throat) WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t smoke. (He takes an extra deep drag off his cigarette) DODO You just took a drag. WHITE ELEPHANT (He exhales a large plume of smoke) I have no idea what you’re talking about. (Long pause) DODO Whose move is it? (Pause) WHITE ELEPHANT Whose move do you think it is? (Pause) DODO Ah. (Thinks) Yours. No!

Yours?

WHITE ELEPHANT Whose move do you think it might be? Stop it.

DODO Wait. It must be…

WHITE ELEPHANT Whose move do you think it will be? No, no, no!

DODO I can’t think! WHITE ELEPHANT

It’s my move.

82

DODO That’s what I thought. (Long pause) WHITE ELEPHANT (Takes a deep drag off of his cigarette then exhales it into DODO’S face. He even makes smoke rings) I can’t put into words how much I detest smoking. (He moves a checker) DODO (Coughing) That’s just what I was going to say. WHITE ELEPHANT Yet you did not say it. DODO True. I did not. WHITE ELEPHANT Tell me why. DODO You said it first. WHITE ELEPHANT Ah. No need to say it then, eh? Well, I do believe it.

DODO I really, really do believe it. WHITE ELEPHANT

Your move. DODO Okay. (Pause) Shoot. WHITE ELEPHANT What? DODO

83 I think I left the curling iron on. (Pause) Question.

Shoot.

WHITE ELEPHANT Answer. DODO Don’t do that. WHITE ELEPHANT Ask your question. DODO If you detest smoking, why do you smoke? WHITE ELEPHANT (Ashing his cigarette) I don’t. DODO But you do. WHITE ELEPHANT No… (Inhaling and exhaling a drag off of his cigarette) …I don’t. DODO What you’re doing right now is smoking. (WHITE ELEPHANT takes an even deeper drag off of his cigarette) RIGHT THERE! YOU DID IT AGAIN! YOU’RE SMOKING! YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW IS SMOKING! (Pause) WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t think it is. DODO It is. WHITE ELEPHANT It’s not.

Your move. DODO

WHAT

84 Then what do you call that? WHITE ELEPHANT What do I call what? DODO THAT! THAT! What do you call what you’re doing with that doohickey? WHITE ELEPHANT This? (He inhales deeply on his cigarette) DODO Yeah. That. WHITE ELEPHANT This? I have a very special name for this. DODO Really? WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. DODO Share this voodoo with me. WHITE ELEPHANT Would you like me to share the name with you? DODO Yes, please. WHITE ELEPHANT I call what I’m doing right now… (He takes a deep drag off of his cigarette) …not smoking. (Pause as he exhales) Your move. DODO Hmm. WHITE ELEPHANT Do you see?

85 DODO Yeah. (Pause) No. WHITE ELEPHANT It’s your move. DODO Okay. (DODO stares at the board for several moments contemplating a move) Do you have names for everything? WHITE ELEPHANT I do. DODO Interesting. WHITE ELEPHANT Your move. DODO Yes. I know. Thank you. (He stares at the board several moments) Question. WHITE ELEPHANT Answer. DODO Don’t do that. WHITE ELEPHANT Ask the question. DODO Fine. What name would you give to what I’m doing? WHITE ELEPHANT Right now? DODO Right now. WHITE ELEPHANT

86 Right now?

You’re smoking. DODO

Me? WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. DODO I’m smoking? WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. DODO Right now. WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. DODO Me, sitting here, no cigarette in my mouth, nothing burning from anywhere on my face, I’m smoking. WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. DODO What brand am I smoking? (Pause) WHITE ELEPHANT You don’t know? DODO How could I know? WHITE ELEPHANT How could I know? DODO You couldn’t. WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t. DODO

87 Ah-hah! That proves it! WHITE ELEPHANT Proves what? DODO YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT BRAND OF CIGARETTES I’M SMOKING! IT!

ADMIT

WHITE ELEPHANT True. I don’t know the brand of cigarettes you’re smoking right now. DODO Good! Thank you! (Pause) WHITE ELEPHANT It’s your move. (Pause) DODO Yes. WHITE ELEPHANT You know, you should cut down. DODO Cut down? WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. DODO On what? WHITE ELEPHANT Smoking. DODO I… WHITE ELEPHANT What?

88

DODO Nothing. (Pause) Question. WHITE ELEPHANT Response. (Long pause) DODO Huh? What? Is this new voodoo? WHITE ELEPHANT Ask your question. Wait. Something’s wrong. on?

DODO Something changed.

What’s going

WHITE ELEPHANT What do you mean? You minx.

DODO You voodoo child. You large, land-locked…hey. WHITE ELEPHANT

What? DODO How’d you escape the axe, anyway? The old, extinction axe? You mutated, didn’t ya? I thought so. Didn’t you used to have longer tusks? And a big, woolly skullcap that looked like a mullet? But that’s not my question. Here’s my question: if you have names for everything, what do you call it when you trample a village? WHITE ELEPHANT When who tramples a village? DODO You. WHITE ELEPHANT Me.

89

DODO You. As an elephant. A white elephant. You are a white elephant, aren’t you? What do you call it when you trample a village? WHITE ELEPHANT Me? DODO Yes. I am speaking to you, the only elephant in the room. WHITE ELEPHANT I’m not an elephant. DODO You’re a real Child-of-the-Corn, you know that? I just want to know what you call it when you—yes, you, whatever you are—trample a village. WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t trample villages. DODO Yes, you do. WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t. DODO You do. WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t. DODO Not everyday and typically only during droughts or when the Bears lose but you do. You have. I know you have. I’ve seen the footage. WHITE ELEPHANT (Takes a deep drag off his cigarette) I have no idea what you’re talking about. Elaborate.

90

DODO You get all wacky and start running fast, doing some goofy jerky motion with your head like, “ooh, look out world, I’m a big elephant and I’m getting’ crazy and here I come!”, and you start stamping your feet and roaring real loud and running over people and smashing bamboo huts and stomping on them. What do you call it? I call it trampling a village. I think a lot of folks do. Especially the villagers. What do you call it? WHITE ELEPHANT Oh. That I call “not smoking”. (Pause) DODO Really. WHITE ELEPHANT Really. DODO Huh. WHITE ELEPHANT Is that your only response? I don’t know.

DODO No. Your answer surprises me.

I’m not surprised.

WHITE ELEPHANT Explain.

DODO Well, I thought you’d call it something else. WHITE ELEPHANT Interesting. DODO Yeah. WHITE ELEPHANT Explain.

91 DODO Well…I thought you’d call trampling a village… (Pause) …uh…I thought you’d call trampling a village… WHITE ELEPHANT What? DODO I thought you’d call trampling a village…not trampling a village. WHITE ELEPHANT You did. DODO Yeah. WHITE ELEPHANT This is how you define things? DODO It is. Or it’s how you define things. Or it’s how I think you define things. I think. Or I thought. WHITE ELEPHANT Interesting. DODO Question. WHITE ELEPHANT Diversion. DODO What? Look, you say you’re not smoking. WHITE ELEPHANT I am not smoking. DODO You also call trampling a village, “not smoking”. WHITE ELEPHANT Do I?

92 DODO You did. WHITE ELEPHANT Okay. Continue. DODO Do you deny? WHITE ELEPHANT Continue. DODO Are you, therefore, right now, trampling a village? WHITE ELEPHANT In my opinion? DODO In your opinion. WHITE ELEPHANT In my opinion?

No. DODO

Why? WHITE ELEPHANT Why? DODO I’m using your logic. WHITE ELEPHANT Wrong. I am.

DODO You said that “trampling a village” is “not smoking”.

WHITE ELEPHANT Wrong. You said that “trampling a village” is “not smoking”. (WHITE ELEPHANT lights another cigarette) I said that “not smoking” is “not smoking”. Do you see? DODO Okay.

93 (Pause) Am I, then, trampling a village? (Pause) WHITE ELEPHANT Honestly? DODO Honestly. WHITE ELEPHANT Right now? DODO Right now. WHITE ELEPHANT In my opinion? DODO In your opinion. WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. You are. DODO I am. WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. DODO Right now. WHITE ELEPHANT Right now. DODO I’m trampling a village. WHITE ELEPHANT Unfortunately, yes.

DODO

94 Right now. WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. I said, yes. DODO I’m trampling a village. Indeed. It’s terrible. stopped.

WHITE ELEPHANT You’re out of control.

You must be

DODO I must be stopped? WHITE ELEPHANT You must be stopped. (Pause) DODO Enlightening. (Pause) Question. WHITE ELEPHANT Evolution. DODO What? WHITE ELEPHANT Ask your question. DODO Okay. Now. If smoking is not smoking, and not smoking is smoking, and trampling a village is not smoking, then smoking—which you claim I am doing—is not trampling a village—which you claim is not smoking—or I claim you claim is not smoking. Therefore, I cannot, right now, be trampling a village. Agreed? (Pause) WHITE ELEPHANT You know what your problem is? (He waits)

95 Do you know what your problem is? DODO I’m thinking. (Pause) Tell me. WHITE ELEPHANT You read into things. (Pause) DODO What are you saying? WHITE ELEPHANT That you read into things. DODO Meaning? WHITE ELEPHANT Just that. DODO What? WHITE ELEPHANT I didn’t say anything. DODO You’re thinking something. WHITE ELEPHANT I’m not. DODO You sure? WHITE ELEPHANT I’m sure. (Pause) Except… DODO What?

96 WHITE ELEPHANT You should cut down. DODO Cut down? WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. DODO Okay. (Pause) On what? WHITE ELEPHANT You don’t know? What? Of course I do!

DODO And I agree.

I need to cut down.

WHITE ELEPHANT On smoking. Ah. Very good.

DODO But I don’t smoke. WHITE ELEPHANT

When did you quit? DODO I never smoked. WHITE ELEPHANT Then what do you call what you’re doing right now? (Pause) DODO Do you think I have a big beak? (Pause) WHITE ELEPHANT Interesting. DODO What?

97

WHITE ELEPHANT Do all of your attempted diversions fail like that? DODO They fail because of my beak, right? look fat?

Does my beak make me

WHITE ELEPHANT Do you know why your diversions fail? DODO Because I have a big beak. WHITE ELEPHANT No. Do you know why your diversions fail? DODO I do not. WHITE ELEPHANT Not because of your beak. But maybe because of how you feel about your beak. How do you feel about your beak? DODO Sometimes I wish it was smaller.

Does it make me look fat?

WHITE ELEPHANT No. (Pause) DODO Good. (Pause) Does my stomach make me look fat? WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. (Pause) Your move. (Long pause. DODO stares at the board) DODO You hungry?

98

WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. DODO Let’s get Jenkins in here. He concerns me. He’s been moody lately. Want me to get Jenkins in here? WHITE ELEPHANT Please. DODO (Calling offstage) JENKINS! (JENKINS enters. He is dressed as a butler: towel draped over his forearm, apron, bowtie, a silver serving tray balanced on his fingertips) We need food. Ding Dongs or fruit chews or Chiclets or Moon-pies or Zingers or Ju-Ju’s or Gummy Salamanders. What’s with you? Your shirt’s untucked. What’s with the tie? You can’t hunt looking like that. You’re not much of a hunter, are you? Are you even a hunter at all? JENKINS I’m Jenkins. Is that a trick answer? I’m your friend.

DODO You were supposed to kill me.

JENKINS Jenkins.

DODO (To WHITE ELEPHANT) Forgive us. We have this thing, this repartee. (To JENKINS) Why didn’t you kill me? JENKINS My sincerest apologies, sir, but I’m afraid I don’t understand the question. DODO (To WHITE ELEPHANT) His usual response.

99 (To JENKINS) I was supposed to be skewered onto a rotisserie. months ago. What happened?

Eighteen

JENKINS I have no idea what you’re talking about. DODO (To WHITE ELEPHANT) See? He never disappoints. WHITE ELEPHANT Sounds like he disappointed at least once. DODO (To WHITE ELEPHANT) True. (To JENKINS) You sure you don’t hunt? I need you to hunt me down some Twinkies. Do you or don’t you hunt? JENKINS I have hunted. DODO You sure? JENKINS But I don’t hunt. DODO (To WHITE ELEPHANT) See there? See what I have to put up with? JENKINS You believe I can hunt? (Pause) Don’t do that.

DODO I’m making a point. JENKINS

Which is? DODO Avoid…

Trick answers!

100

JENKINS Yes? DODO Remember… JENKINS Yes? DODO The only… JENKINS The only? DODO Think not… JENKINS No? Never? DODO Gentlemen. Hear me now. (DODO stands on the stump to deliver a speech. WHITE ELEPHANT and JENKINS move to the side and sit. They take the opportunity to talk quietly while DODO delivers his speech in oratorical mode, nearly oblivious to their conversation) To this life you might decide in choose if sound uncertain... WHITE ELEPHANT (To JENKINS) As far as you’re concerned, he doesn’t know he’s extinct, does he? JENKINS I’ve told him several times. In my own, human way. WHITE ELEPHANT Recently? JENKINS We have a kind of repartee.

101 WHITE ELEPHANT Does your contribution involve moments of direct action? But of course!

JENKINS Yes! By all means!

DODO (To the “masses”, oratorical mode) By all means, yes! If you get a good, you’ll be! You will be! I’m basically certain that I’ve made that choice at times, perhaps. I think creatures should be aware… WHITE ELEPHANT You only had to eat him for lunch! DODO (Oratorical mode) However, if they’re not aware, I think they should focus partial attention in that direction and be reasonably—if disconnectedly—clued-in to this lack of awareness… WHITE ELEPHANT Eighteen months… JENKINS I know, I know! DODO (Oratorical mode) Envy! Envy, my domiciles, is the skanky-hanky of the world! Therefore, do thus and do not do to others what angers you if done to you by others. Get me? Ya mugs! Listen to him!

WHITE ELEPHANT This spells trouble!

DODO (Oratorical mode) However. When a creature or creatures choose or chooses to be conveying a loosely connected grouping of contradictory meanings, it’s probably wise to point out to them that folly is mischief and mischief is a flawed way of being. Or acting. Or seeming. Or deeming. Indeed. WHITE ELEPHANT Today!

102 DODO (Oratorical mode) Or deeming. Did I say “deeming”? Or acting. Did I say “acting”? Mischief. Anyway, I’m compelled. Who’s got fruit chews! (Breaking from his oratorical mode) Jenkins! JENKINS (Answering to WHITE ELEPHANT though DODO believes JENKINS’ response is to him) Yes, sir. DODO Jenkins. I desire Twinkies. JENKINS We’re out of Twinkies. DODO How can we be out? JENKINS You ate the last box of Twinkies at the “Twinkie Eating Competition”. Oh, yeah.

DODO That was a hoot. I loved that.

JENKINS You ate eight Twinkies at the competition. DODO Did I? JENKINS You know you did. That sounds funny.

DODO Say that again.

JENKINS You ate eight Twinkies at the competition. DODO (Laughing)

103 I love that!

Say it again!

JENKINS We started the day with a full box of Twinkies. You consumed four of them in the van on the way to the competition. At the competition itself, you consumed the remaining eight where you lost the competition by four Twinkies. NO! YOU SAID IT WRONG!

DODO Say it like you said it before! JENKINS

You ate eight Twinkies. DODO I love that! Ate eight! I love that! (To WHITE ELEPHANT) Did you hear that? Ate eight! WHITE ELEPHANT It’s your move. DODO Of course, the way Jenkins says it you’d think I lost because I ate Twinkies before the competition but it doesn’t work that way. I could have gotten more Twinkies at the competition. But in my opinion, a real sportsman doesn’t play that way. A real sportsman picks out his own Twinkies. Jenkins doesn’t understand that. You see, I’d rather lose a competition than compromise my integrity. (Suddenly; his eyes dart to the sky) Wow! Did you see that? JENKINS What? Nothing. Get Twinkies.

DODO We need Twinkies. JENKINS

I noticed something. DODO Excellent! What? JENKINS

Twinkies, please.

104 Your hair. DODO And? JENKINS That’s all. DODO What about my hair? JENKINS That’s all I have to say. DODO Fine. JENKINS Anything else, sir? DODO No. Yes. No. (Pause) Yes. JENKINS Yes? DODO No. Leave. JENKINS (Walking away) It’s messy. DODO What’s messy? JENKINS (He stops walking) I’ll prepare dessert, sir. (He continues walking and exits) DODO (Shouting after him)

105 WHAT’S MESSY? My hair? My demeanor? skills? WHAT’S MESSY, YOU CUR?!

My organizational

WHITE ELEPHANT Stop! DODO What? WHITE ELEPHANT Play. DODO Huh? Wha? Huh? Mr. Curveball…! WHITE ELEPHANT (Motioning to the game of checkers) The game. (Pause) Please. DODO What’s that sound? WHITE ELEPHANT What sound? DODO Never mind. He can’t even see my hair with this hat. can he? (Pause) So it doesn’t bother you? WHITE ELEPHANT What? YOUR HAIR.

DODO YOUR HAIR. YOUR HAIR. (Beat) WHITE ELEPHANT

What’s with you? A thousand apologies.

DODO I’m under stress.

Or

106 WHITE ELEPHANT What’s wrong with my hair? Your hair?!

DODO No! My hair! Did I say, your hair? WHITE ELEPHANT

Yes. DODO I did? WHITE ELEPHANT You did. I’m under duress.

DODO I meant my hair. WHITE ELEPHANT

You don’t have hair. DODO I don’t? What a thing to say! I know I’ve put on some weight but I still have a handsome do! You insult me, you gorgeous, land-locked beastie, you! I envy you! My undoing! It will be, I bet! Perhaps it already is! You’re a bird.

WHITE ELEPHANT You have feathers.

DODO Oh, that. I know that. I thought you were insulting me. I just call it hair. I know that I don’t—technically—have hair. I like thinking of that fluffy stuff on my head as hair. I guess I shouldn’t, huh? Is that what you’re saying? You gonna report me? Thanks for, once again, emphasizing my status! It all comes down to class for you and Jenkins! Suckling your young, flaunting your nervous systems, showing off your teeth! Go ahead and insult me, you warm-blooded gypsy, you! Mr. Mammalia! WHITE ELEPHANT You do know that you’re warm-blooded, don’t you? DODO Am I?

107 WHITE ELEPHANT You are. DODO Cool! (DODO starts to exit, stops) Am I? WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. DODO I rock. (DODO continues exiting, stops) Really? WHITE ELEPHANT Really. DODO Wow. Don’t believe everything fish tell you. (Continues exiting) WHITE ELEPHANT Where you going? DODO It’s time I learned how to work a comb. WHITE ELEPHANT I have a comb. DODO (Stops) You got a comb? (JENKINS enters) JENKINS Of course. DODO (Startled) Where’d you come from? He has hair.

JENKINS He has a comb.

108

DODO Oh, of course. It’s a mammal thing. I get it now. You two boys are in cahoots. The mammal boys. It’s not good enough that we share phylum, huh? Who gives a crap about phylum! I’m not in your class! So, pick on the aves, hah? Gang up on the old, flightless bird with the big beak, huh? Well, you two. My flightless days are numbered. (Long pause) WHITE ELEPHANT Obviously. But the question remains: high or low? DODO Hah? What a strange response.

Who has a comb!

JENKINS I have a comb. WHITE ELEPHANT I have a comb made of ivory. DODO You what? What are you—Idi Amin? I want his comb. (JENKINS sets his comb down in front of DODO. DODO stares at it) Does it work? JENKINS What? DODO Your comb.

Does it work?

Does it work?

JENKINS It’s a comb.

(All three stare at the comb) DODO It’s not doing anything. It just sits there. (All three stare at the comb) Have you used it before? JENKINS

109 What? DODO Have you used it? JENKINS What are you saying? DODO I’m just asking. JENKINS What are you asking? DODO That comb.

Have you used it?

JENKINS Yes. DODO And it worked okay? WHITE ELEPHANT You’re not serious. DODO I’m not? WHITE ELEPHANT You are, aren’t you? (Pause) DODO Me? (Long pause) I was joking! That was a joke. (Suddenly) What’s that sound?

Ha-ha.

JENKINS What sound? DODO That loud sound! What is that! Not the tropical breeze! Not the ocean waves breaking against the surf! Not the

110 song of birdies chirping above the din! But that chomping sound. Like someone’s making nachos out of the place. Listen closely and you can hear its menacing deafness. It sounds like a swimming pool. Full of sharks. Did I say sharks? No! Full of kids. And the Ritalin just wore off. And I think I hear one of those electric doohickeys. The kind you get at Goldblatt’s. And a portable thingamajigmaker. Like Venture sells. Maybe something hydraulic. From Zayre. Or Wards. What does hydraulic mean? Who knows! I think those kids got angry then hopped on bulldozers purchased at Marshall Fields! And little old ladies with jackhammers from Builder’s Square! And poodles wearing flea collars while their owners operate a large crane—not a fine-feathered crane all pink and salmoncolored—but a dirt-digger with iron claws—and a DVD player in the back… (Pause) It’s fainter now… WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t hear anything. BLOOD! IT’S LOUD AGAIN!

DODO EAT YOURSELVES! WHITE ELEPHANT

(To JENKINS) Do you hear anything? DODO (Running for cover behind a shrub, trembling with fear) Make it stop!!! Make it stop!!! JENKINS (To WHITE ELEPHANT) I hear nothing. DODO Mommy! JENKINS Except him.

And a crow. WHITE ELEPHANT

(To DODO) We don’t hear anything.

Snap out of this.

111

DODO It’s gone. They’re disappearing. Montgomery Wards and Marshall Fields are hunted to the brink and eaten alive by Wal-Mart and Target. They’re waiting. I feel it in my bones. Two years ago I had this island to myself. Or I thought I did. Me and a bunch of critters. And some humans on the other side that I didn’t mess with. A paradise. Then you humans had a mutation. A funny little thing grew from your head. A doohickey that helped you adapt more firmly to this environment. When we looked closer we saw what this mutation was: a zoning board. That’s right, a zoning board. And that sucker stayed. Part of your DNA. Programmed into each of you. Then other mutations occurred: real estate executives, corporate CEO’s, CFO’s, and, of course, a fully trained staff. Some not so fully but what you gonna do? Including one asshole you should cut. Really. I won’t go into it but this guy lives only for Donut Day. Anyway. You’re a construction company, a manufacturing plant, a shipping company, a fulfillment company. And a bunch of little ones, squirming and bumping into each other, creating traffic jams and breath spray. And, of course, cheese doodles. My beloved cheese doodles. See? Mutation is good. In the end I acquiesce. WHITE ELEPHANT Acquiesce? DODO Does my newly found vocabulary frighten you? WHITE ELEPHANT Have you finished? DODO Don’t get mad. I have issues with you two. We got to talk. (To JENKINS) If I were you, I’d return that comb. I get these extended warranties. You might be able to get one ere a fortnight. About five years should be good. I got my widow’s fan covered for the next decade. Did I say, “widow”? Hah-ha! My window fan’s covered for the next millennia. A mere DODO (Continued) twenty-five dollars a month and that baby will deliver the goods for the next hundred bunches of fortnights. Of course, we don’t have a window in our cave but if we ever

112 get one that sucker’s ready for action. You guys talk. I need a break. These sounds rattle me. It’s all because of you, Jenkins. JENKINS Me? DODO I never noticed these sounds until you pointed them out. So, I’m going to go have a nice, long, slow bowel movement. Just relax, dim the lights, dip into a little bubble-bath, have a martini, watch a little Tivo then go to my special place and let my bowels sing. Let ‘em yodel. Get ‘em flyin’ and shootin’. That should relax me, clean me out, get me juiced. (To WHITE ELEPHANT) You okay? WHITE ELEPHANT Always. Why would you ask? DODO No reason. If you need anything ask Jenkins. chew, apple sauce, anything. (DODO starts to leave)

A fruit

JENKINS Wait. DODO (DODO stops) What? JENKINS (To WHITE ELEPHANT) Ask him where he poops. Don’t do that.

DODO What are you doing? JENKINS

Nothing. DODO You said you weren’t going to bring this up anymore.

113 JENKINS Did I? DODO You promised. JENKINS Did I? Last month. promised!

DODO Two months ago! I don’t remember!

But you

WHITE ELEPHANT (To DODO) Have you changed your habit? DODO What’s that sound? JENKINS What sound? DODO It’s closer! JENKINS There is no sound. WHITE ELEPHANT Where do you poop these days? DODO (To JENKINS) What is going on with you and your voice? JENKINS What do you mean? DODO You’re like Megaphone Man. Take it down an octave, Shirley. WHITE ELEPHANT Where you going to poop? DODO (Loud whisper)

114 You know where. (To JENKINS) He knows. Doesn’t he know? JENKINS He knows. WHITE ELEPHANT Your nest, if memory serves? DODO (To both of them) Yeah. My nest. Right. Bingo. Thank you. That’s settled, I hope. I’m going to go make balloon animals with my butt. Which I have to do, which is okay and is why I’m going to my nest, which is also okay. WHITE ELEPHANT What does your new girlfriend say about that? DODO My girlfriend? WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. You have a girlfriend, don’t you? DODO My girlfriend wants you to stop talking about this. WHITE ELEPHANT What exactly are you dating these days, anyway? Naked mole rats? Sperm whales? Platypuses? Red Oaks? Prudential Buildings? Concrete? Spray cans? Nesting material? Window cleaner? Produce? Steel-reinforced hiking boots? Sun screen? Prairie grass? The stratosphere? Starlets, winos, midgets, dumplings, conceptual art? Cell phones, laptops, PDA’s, SUV’s, football games, HDTV’s? Elmo? You defame me, cur! motives!

DODO I’m undone with confusion!

Label your

WHITE ELEPHANT Bourbon, Starbucks, Tivo, iPod? What—exactly—are you dating?

115 JENKINS A gazelle. DODO Shush! WHITE ELEPHANT A gazelle? Okay, smart guy.

DODO The word is out.

I’m dating a gazelle.

WHITE ELEPHANT The most graceful creature in the animal kingdom? gazelle?

A

DODO Yes. WHITE ELEPHANT Does she know? What a thing to immolate! my self-esteem!

DODO Deconstructionist! Assassin to WHITE ELEPHANT

Does she? DODO I should be dating an emus? Huh? A penguin? Look. The world is fresh out of dodos. I’m a dying breed. Have you taken a good look at me? What am I to do? I adapt. I look for the sweetest creature in the kingdom then I cozy up and see if we click. What of it? Do they sometimes not know I’m there? Maybe. Probably. But as long as they don’t scoot me away or slam me with a back-breaking hoof-kick, I count that as acceptance. Look at me. I’m a dodo. I take what I can get. At least I feel like I have a friend. WHITE ELEPHANT Fair enough. DODO And another thing. Where I do my business is my business. Did someone say fecal matter? Yes. That was me. I need to

116 expunge it. I’d like to. I don’t know if I need to but I’d like to. And I probably should. Where? In a toilet? On the ground? On the couch? No. In my nest. Yes. In my nest. I am debating maybe not pooping in my nest in the future, if that interests either of you but for now, I’m gonna keep pooping in there. Okay? It’s what I do. I’m a bird. I’m a dodo. I will be noted in history. Now, can we please stop talking about this? JENKINS Of course, sir. DODO Good. (DODO starts to exit, returns) Whose move is it? WHITE ELEPHANT Yours. DODO (Stares at the board for a moment then picks up one of his checkers and hops it across several of WHITE ELEPHANT’S checkers) Checkmate! I gotta pee. Where’s my nest? (DODO exits) (WHITE ELEPHANT and JENKINS wait until DODO is out of sight) WHITE ELEPHANT Jenkins. JENKINS Sir. WHITE ELEPHANT I’m speechless. JENKINS I’m very sorry, sir. WHITE ELEPHANT Ah. JENKINS

117 I offer my humblest apology. WHITE ELEPHANT You do realize that we have yet to find a use for apologies, don’t you? Although we acknowledge the demands of your psyche and the resulting impulse to express them. JENKINS You want an explanation. WHITE ELEPHANT Explanations serve no purpose except to expunge obstacles in the conscience of the creature manufacturing the explanation. I’d prefer a bedtime story. Or a conjugation. JENKINS A conjugation? WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. Conjugate the verb, “do”. As in, “to do”. past participle of “to do”. JENKINS “To do”? Sorry. I don’t do conjugations. explanations.

Or the

I only…do…

WHITE ELEPHANT Excuses. JENKINS I can and will explain everything.

Everything.

WHITE ELEPHANT Hmm. Apologies, explanations…I just don’t know. Perhaps we’ll soon find their use. Perhaps they have a decorative quality? JENKINS They clearly have a decorative quality.

WHITE ELEPHANT I’d still prefer a bedtime story. I sense that something in your conscience interferes with your ability to achieve

118 the objective you were hired for, yet, I would still prefer a bedtime story. JENKINS Objectively speaking—and based on cursory observations during the preceding three years—one might accurately conclude that your verbosity repeatedly proves the decorative potential of explanatory discourse in a most hyperbolic way. WHITE ELEPHANT Screw you. JENKINS Tsk-tsk. WHITE ELEPHANT Are you begging me to differ? JENKINS I’d prefer to see you smoke. And I’m not yet ready to beg. What story do you want to hear? ELEPHANT It’s true. A few of your habits have influenced my reasoning. I make the best of them. Tell me the bedtime story about the Passenger Pigeon. (DODO pops back in) DODO Look. I’m straight with you. Okay? WHITE ELEPHANT I thought you were leaving. DODO I’m talking to the human. (To JENKINS) I don’t lie to you. Okay? JENKINS Okay. DODO No matter what, remember that.

119 (Pause) JENKINS I will. DODO Also. Just so you know, I plan to start incorporating more sarcasm into my style of interpersonal communication. If I can’t mutate, I can always adapt. You okay with that? JENKINS Can’t wait. DODO You’ll have to wait ‘cause I gotta go poop now. But in a bit, I’m gonna be sarcastic. Okay? Back in a bit. (DODO exits) WHITE ELEPHANT Do you know the year? JENKINS Sir? WHITE ELEPHANT The day the last passenger pigeon expired? JENKINS 1914. Cincinnati Zoo. WHITE ELEPHANT Do you remember her name? JENKINS Martha. WHITE ELEPHANT You remember her name? JENKINS It’s a famous story. WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. One wonders how she felt.

120 JENKINS Do you? WHITE ELEPHANT Never. Do you? JENKINS Often. How did you know? Tell me the tale.

WHITE ELEPHANT Make it a bedtime story. JENKINS

The tale? WHITE ELEPHANT Tell me the tale of Jenkins. Before he returns. JENKINS It’s difficult. WHITE ELEPHANT I’m sorry? The problem. difficult.

JENKINS How it started. Nailing it down is very

It is not difficult.

WHITE ELEPHANT Why do you consider it difficult?

JENKINS The start of anything is difficult. At exactly what moment does a man decide to eat? When he’s hungry? No. After his previous meal the smart hunter questions his capacity to satisfy the hunger he knows to eventually expect. Or is it even sooner than that? Perhaps. He might hunt when not hungry in anticipation of that expectation. Do you see? WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t see.

JENKINS I’m saying the decision to eat is not necessarily triggered by hunger but potentially the memory of hunger.

121

WHITE ELEPHANT A superfluous argument, entirely dependent on the animal. One instantly sees how you’ve adapted. I can see that you’ve adapted based on need and resources for the most part. Don’t try to impress me with arrogance. JENKINS Nothing is black and white. WHITE ELEPHANT Everything is black and white. JENKINS But the problem started earlier than that. WHITE ELEPHANT Everything is black and white. Do you understand? JENKINS I understand. WHITE ELEPHANT Don’t say you understand only to get past this discussion. Hesitation, doubt, contemplation—for most creatures, these things mean death. Do you understand? (Pause) JENKINS I understand. WHITE ELEPHANT Good. Proceed. JENKINS I understand but I don’t agree. And that is your flaw. impress me. Continue.

WHITE ELEPHANT Which I accept.

But it doesn’t

JENKINS And what are you implying? “For the most part”. adaptations are always utilitarian.

My

122

WHITE ELEPHANT Not always.

Not anymore. JENKINS

Always. WHITE ELEPHANT Let me see your rifle. JENKINS Why? Don’t flatter yourself.

WHITE ELEPHANT I’m making a point. JENKINS

I don’t fear you. WHITE ELEPHANT I’m not convinced of that. (Pause) JENKINS I’ll get my rifle. (He exits then reenters carrying a beautiful rifle with ivory inlays in the handle) It’s loaded, too! WHITE ELEPHANT You leave it loaded? Interesting. Yes. You’ve developed quite an appetite for ivory. JENKINS Which isn’t news to you. WHITE ELEPHANT Of course it isn’t. I’m the one who sold it to you. Beautiful craftsmanship. Did you design it, build it and carve it yourself? JENKINS Of course! WHITE ELEPHANT

123 You did not. JENKINS I did! WHITE ELEPHANT You forged the stock and barrel? The hammer? the handle?

You carved

JENKINS (Taking it back) I rebuilt it from an old rifle. What do you take me for? WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t know anymore. You know we’ve observed you for years. Every time you poised yourself on a bluff or behind a savanna we watched you. As you were so intently focused on your prey, you did not notice us watching you. You thought we were oblivious, didn’t you? JENKINS Hey, the game I stalked was absolutely oblivious. Unless I shifted my weight or snapped a twig they noticed nothing. That’s how I won. I only lost when I faltered. WHITE ELEPHANT You never saw us watching you? JENKINS Who? Us. The universe.

WHITE ELEPHANT You think we detested you. JENKINS

I never thought that. Of course you did. you.

WHITE ELEPHANT We watched you. But we did not detest

JENKINS I’m telling you that I know that you didn’t. WHITE ELEPHANT Oh.

124 JENKINS Don’t be disappointed. WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t feel disappointment. I merely make observations. And I’ve observed that many humans believe that the universe despises them. That the polar beer resents the loss of habitat, that deer have opinions on the compromise of personal space. Humans are a vain and arrogant lot. JENKINS They don’t understand. WHITE ELEPHANT Of course they don’t. Always finding a way to make the ecological argument about themselves. Half of them arguing for the universe, half arguing against. Well, it is about you humans. But not the way you think. They don’t understand.

JENKINS I don’t think they need to.

WHITE ELEPHANT But you do understand. Or you did. What happened? (JENKINS says nothing) Speechless? Surely you have a response. (JENKINS says nothing) Would you like a drink? JENKINS I’d love a drink. WHITE ELEPHANT (Walks to the crate and tips it over revealing two cocktail glasses and a bottle of scotch. He takes these over to JENKINS) Sit. (JENKINS sits, either on the stump, the crate, or the ground. WHITE ELEPHANT sits and pours drinks for both, handing one to JENKINS. They drink throughout their talk) Why come to me for tusks? JENKINS I could not hunt you anymore. WHITE ELEPHANT

125 Ah. I’m too fast for you. You’re not.

JENKINS I don’t think you are.

Are you?

WHITE ELEPHANT You’re afraid. You’re losing your nerve. Conscience monopolizes too much of your brain. Memories haunt you. JENKINS I don’t want to hunt anymore. I want to rest. I want to view the jungle in comfort. Complete with three pieces of glass: one to see with, one to look through, one to sip from. I want to view the jungle from a settee of my choosing, perhaps in a reclining position. I want to hunt upright through corridors of linoleum, armed with a charge plate. No longer one for crouching and rising and walking and climbing…endlessly, I’d rather entertain my inanimate fantasies. WHITE ELEPHANT You’ve forgotten your purpose. JENKINS Maybe my purpose has changed. This is what I’m saying. The problem started earlier. WHITE ELEPHANT Excellent. Explain. But be clear. How much earlier? JENKINS Earlier. When I bought a white shirt. (Pause) A white shirt?

WHITE ELEPHANT What use would you have for a white shirt? JENKINS

None. WHITE ELEPHANT Good. Continue. JENKINS I never owned a white shirt before. Always off-white or navy blue but never white. I viewed shirts as functional and nothing more. I never fashioned myself to them, I

126 never debated color or style. I simply grabbed the shirt that fit and seemed capable of providing warmth and protection. A method that repeatedly proved sufficient. WHITE ELEPHANT I see that you’ve invested much thought and discourse in this chosen example of simplicity. JENKINS A lengthy explanation but a simple process: I’m cold. need a shirt. I buy a shirt. I’m not cold.

I

WHITE ELEPHANT Excellent! I like this directness! I prefer that to your previous explanation. JENKINS I need a shirt, I buy a shirt. WHITE ELEPHANT I love that! Excellent! I’m relieved to see a glimmer of the hunter you once were. How will your species survive? Get to the white shirt. JENKINS I found it on a table at the store, folded in a stack of similar shirts. It looked immaculate. Clean. I wanted it. WHITE ELEPHANT Pity. JENKINS Yes. WHITE ELEPHANT Did you purchase it? JENKINS Yes. WHITE ELEPHANT I’m fascinated. I have not seen this flaw in you before. How often have you worn this white shirt you speak of? JENKINS I haven’t. WHITE ELEPHANT

127 Do you plan to? JENKINS No. WHITE ELEPHANT What will you do with it? I don’t know.

JENKINS Nothing. I’ll keep it.

WHITE ELEPHANT You’ll keep it away from me? JENKINS Of course. But me as well. I keep it cleanly folded and away from light. I’m glad I have it. I have absolutely no use for it. WHITE ELEPHANT But it affects you. JENKINS The effect on me has been extraordinary. I question what I eat. Was the food cooked long enough? Who cooked it? I question my steps. If I trip, does someone notice? I question why I live. I question where I hunt. WHITE ELEPHANT Where do you hunt? JENKINS At one time, I hunted everywhere. I challenged myself to find the most elusive game. And I did. WHITE ELEPHANT I know about your past hunts. Where do you hunt now? JENKINS Now? WHITE ELPHANT Now. JENKINS I don’t.

128

WHITE ELEPHANT No? JENKINS I hunt for bargains. WHITE ELEPHANT Hardly the same thing. JENKINS Hardly. WHITE ELEPHANT So: why? JENKINS I can’t. WHITE ELEPHANT Really. Interesting. So, tell me. What name do you give our flightless friend? JENKINS Dodo. Just “dodo”?

WHITE ELEPHANT You have no other name for him?

JENKINS I have no other name for him. WHITE ELEPHANT Then I don’t understand. And this is what I need to understand. Explain to me what happened. JENKINS I stood above as he prattled. He set the scene himself. WHITE ELEPHANT How? JENKINS He made it simple. He laid his head obliviously across the stump. He continued to squawk and squawk until he abruptly stopped and simply stared at nothing. And I raised my arms

129 and I raised the blade and held it high but then I paused. Looking down at him I waited for acknowledgement. Acknowledgement?

WHITE ELEPHANT Is that what you said?

Acknowledgement?

JENKINS Yes. WHITE ELEPHANT Acknowledgement of what? What interfered at this point? What prevented completion? Do you know? I know. JENKINS I think I know. Part of the problem was one of distance. I could see him too clearly. Too clearly—do you understand? One, of course, must be able to see his game. But at enough distance to objectify that game, to maintain a conceptual identity with that game. But staring down at him I could count the details. WHITE ELEPHANT You’re becoming obtuse again. Precisely which details affected you so? JENKINS It was not the contour of his body. Or his numerous textures. It was not some gesture because he lay so perfectly still one might guess he had already perished before I raised the blade. WHITE ELEPHANT Get to the detail that mattered. JENKINS Three details. WHITE ELEPHANT One? JENKINS One: he blinked. WHITE ELEPHANT Two? JENKINS

130 He swallowed. WHITE ELEPHANT Three? JENKINS The feathers on his breast rising and falling with his breath. Something only perceptible from a position of vulnerability. Willing vulnerability. This created a thought. And this thought caused me to pause. And wait for acknowledgement. WHITE ELEPHANT Acknowledgement of what? JENKINS That he… (Pause) WHITE ELEPHANT What? JENKINS He… WHITE ELEPHANT Say it, Jenkins! JENKINS That he understood. (Pause) WHITE ELEPHANT Ah. JENKINS Do you see? WHITE ELEPHANT I see. Of course, you feel that you did not get this acknowledgement, evident by the fact that he lives. JENKINS Right.

131 WHITE ELEPHANT Your flaw. JENKINS One of many. WHITE ELEPHANT And, thus, Jeremy’s strength. JENKINS One of the few.

Jeremy?

WHITE ELEPHANT Jeremy. An efficient species might only need a few. think you’re overlooking how accommodating he was.

But I

JENKINS I could not think of him as game. And I could not think of myself as a hunter. His name is Jeremy? WHITE ELEPHANT How did you define yourself in that moment? JENKINS As an assassin. WHITE ELEPHANT I see. JENKINS Yes. Too clearly my role for me to realize. WHITE ELEPHANT Too much self-awareness is yet another flaw. How does your species survive? Yet, I think this is self-deception. JENKINS I’m sure I do deceive myself from time to time. Because we accept these flaws and choose to define them as strengths. WHITE ELEPHANT Hmm. Clever. I’ve never known a creature to define denial as a strength. JENKINS It’s not denial. WHITE ELPHANT

132 No? JENKINS No. WHITE ELEPHANT I’m waiting.

What is it? JENKINS

It’s acceptance. WHITE ELEPHANT Acceptance. JENKINS Yes. Acceptance. We accept who we are. WHITE ELEPHANT Yet you base that on his actions. Perhaps he did not lack acknowledgement. JENKINS He was oblivious! WHITE ELEPHANT You were oblivious! You see, not every member of your species accepts itself. And that is a flaw. JENKINS I raised my blade above him and all he could think about was cheese doodles! WHITE ELEPHANT So, you’re not up to the task at hand. JENKINS I don’t understand the purpose of the task at hand. WHITE ELEPHANT Would that help you to understand? JENKINS Yes. All right.

WHITE ELEPHANT Let’s try to nail this thing.

How’s your drink?

133 JENKINS Fine. WHITE ELEPHANT Mind if I have another? JENKINS You’re not going to go trampling any villages, are you? WHITE ELEPHANT (Laughs) No, not today! I’m on a strict diet of two scotches a day. And I’ve really been very good about it! You’d be impressed! (Freshens his drink) Tell me. What don’t you understand about the task? JENKINS First off, why me? WHITE ELEPHANT We covered that two years ago. JENKINS Honestly. Without the sell-sheet. WHITE ELEPHANT It’s not you, Jenkins. It’s your species. you a representative of your species.

We considered

JENKINS I’m hardly a representative of my species. WHITE ELEPHANT That’s incorrect. You are, by default, a representative of your species. You don’t get to choose that. And if I was the type of animal to hold resentments, I’d resent that sell-sheet crack. We’ve always been upfront with you. JENKINS Okay, then.

Why not you? WHITE ELEPHANT

It can’t be me. JENKINS

134 Why not?

No opposable thumbs? WHITE ELEPHANT

Exactly. JENKINS What?! I was joking! WHITE ELEPHANT Plus: I don’t live here. JENKINS Oh. WHITE ELPHANT How would that look? The elusive white elephant traveling to an isolated island in order to kill a poor, helpless, flightless bird. An anomaly, no less. Technically, he’s long gone. Besides, elephants have enough trouble as it is. JENKINS But that still doesn’t answer my question. lion? The wolf? The alligator? Why me?

Why not the

WHITE ELEPHNT They don’t live here. JENKINS Neither did I. WHITE ELEPHANT But only you could have a convincing alibi. JENKINS Why? WHITE ELEPHANT Cultural inevitability. You would eventually arrive here. Your species demands it. Other members of your species did not hesitate. JENKINS I’m not them. WHITE ELEPHANT I believe I just covered that.

135 JENKINS I’M NOT THEM! WHITE ELEPHANT Then you were. JENKINS I’m not now. WHITE ELEPHANT Why not? JENKINS It serves no purpose! Who was I fooling? to eat him. Have you ever eaten dodo?

I did not want

WHITE ELEPHANT No. JENKINS All reports claim that the meat is tough and flavor lacking. The world would have seen through that. Why not pick some thug? Some kid that liked killing helpless animals? Why me? WHITE ELEPHANT Why you? Why you? Your question truly astonishes me. It’s who you are. It’s in your past. Does Western Black Rhinoceros ring any bells? JENKINS That was an accident! WHITE ELEPHANT You were a star! With every means at your disposal. Even domesticated beasts with the sole purpose of serving you. You were the natural choice. JENKINS You see, that’s just it. It’s not natural. It serves no purpose. I had no natural purpose to kill him. (Pause) WHITE ELEPHANT Ah. JENKINS

136 What? WHITE ELEPHANT You’ve never learned, have you? Pity. JENKINS What? WHITE ELEPHANT It is entirely natural. JENKINS It is not. WHITE ELEPHANT Of course it is. JENKINS It is not! WHITE ELEPHANT Killing without purpose is entirely

You’re not listening. natural.

JENKINS How? Do you ever kill without purpose? WHITE ELEPHANT Never. JENKINS Exactly. It’s not natural. WHITE ELEPHANT It is not at all natural for me. JENKINS That’s what I’m saying. WHITE ELEPHANT Killing without purpose is not at all natural for me. JENKINS Right. WHITE ELEPHANT It is, however, entirely natural for you.

137

(Pause) JENKINS Ah. WHITE ELEPHANT Do you see now? JENKINS I don’t know if I agree. WHITE ELEPHANT When will you know if you agree? (Pause) JENKINS I don’t agree. WHITE ELEPHANT Too late. Sorry to have to point out your flaws. When will you know? After you’re dead? You philosophize more than is good for you. It leads to hesitation. Your tentative nature is one of your flaws. My flaws!

JENKINS I’m sick of you pointing out my flaws!

WHITE ELEPHANT Other creatures feel far less emotional detachment to their negative traits. JENKINS Really? WHITE ELEPHANT They don’t deny. They don’t judge. They don’t judge themselves. They simply make greater use of a strength in order to compensate for a flaw. Impulses are natural. Instincts are natural. Survival is natural. JENKINS Then, based on your argument, I should overcome this flaw of killing without purpose. WHITE ELEPHANT

138 Killing without purpose is natural for you. for humans.

It is natural

JENKINS Yet our greatest flaw. WHITE ELEPHANT Wrong. Your greatest strength. JENKINS What about all this ivory, huh? You say you don’t kill without purpose. WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t do the killing. (Pause) JENKINS Ah. WHITE ELEPHANT And it absolutely serves a purpose. When the last elephant falls, it will fall with a purpose. JENKINS What purpose? WHITE ELEPHANT Good, God! Is your species not blessed with higher intelligence? Do I have to explain everything? JENKINS At least explain that! WHITE ELEPHANT Look. Perhaps I’m wrong. Species die. Every species that has fallen has fallen for a reason. JENKINS But why must he die? WHITE ELEPHANT Interesting. Such a pertinent question asked at the most illogical time.

139 JENKINS When should I have asked that question? WHITE ELEPHANT Two years ago. Is that not the superior question? Why did you not inquire into intention when I first unfurled the contract eighteen months ago? But I have a question even more fit than that: why, during this entire discourse, have you yet to inquire into my reasons for not asking that question? JENKINS What do you mean? WHITE ELEPHANT Doesn’t it seem most logical—from a human perspective—that, when first learning of your decision to not complete the killing—that I would first race in here—stampede, you might say—demanding to know why you ever signed the contract to do this killing in the first place? You have not asked that question. Do you know why? JENKINS I bet you do. WHITE ELEPHANT I would assume you do, as well. After all, these are your thoughts I’m hypothesizing. JENKINS (Struck with true wonderment) Huh. Good question. WHITE ELEPHANT Thank you. JENKINS Wow. Yeah. I see what you’re saying. I agreed to do this. I signed my name. But you haven’t asked me why I signed up. Didn’t you ask me back then? WHITE ELEPHANT Not once. I never doubted your readiness. that you did.

I did not know

JENKINS I felt I had no hope of getting a direct answer.

140

WHITE ELEPHANT That’s not the reason. JENKINS You don’t answer things directly. I’m very direct.

WHITE ELEPHANT You think I miss the obvious.

JENKINS I don’t think you miss anything. WHITE ELEPHANT Exactly. But you do. You do miss the obvious. I make choices. All animals make countless choices in the snap of a human’s finger during the course of one day. And we never pause to regret our decisions, though we clearly don’t always make the best ones. You see, I have chosen to not make it easy for you to explain yourself yet you easily have had every opportunity to explain yourself. I keep hoping that you will choose to make it easy. JENKINS I can’t help being me. WHITE ELEPHANT Why must he die? Every living creature must die. You do agree to this and I recognized that from the beginning. It’s speciesism and you have to kill him. The history has been written. He needs to die and you need to know that you did it. It would hardly matter except for that reason. Wait here. (WHITE ELEPHANT rises and starts to exit) JENKINS Where are you going? WHITE ELEPHANT I’m going to whip up some chow. JENKINS (Yelling after WHITE ELEPHANT) BUT WHAT ABOUT THE WILD BOAR! (Giving up) Nothing less than the story of what made me.

141 (WHITE ELEPHANT returns carrying a Ziploc bag filled with a kind of trail-mix: peanuts, sesame seeds, raisins, M&M’s, Fruit Loops, Gummy candies, etc. A mixture of mostly sweet treats. And sitting prominently in the middle of the bag is a black, wrapped block with a skull and crossbones printed on it) The whole reason I became a hunter. To kill the nastiest, meanest, ugliest creature on earth. The wild boar. WHITE ELEPHANT An oxymoron. (Handing the Ziploc bag to JENKINS) Here. JENKINS What’s this? WHITE ELEPHANT His snack.

Trail mix. JENKINS

What’s in the center? WHITE ELEPHANT Where? JENKINS Right there. WHITE ELEPHANT Where? JENKINS Right there! WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t see what you’re referring to. JENKINS Of course you do. It’s right there. Sitting in the center of the bag. A dark block with a skull and crossbones that looks like an overt symbol of poison. WHITE ELEPHANT

142 Oh, that. JENKINS What is that? WHITE ELEPHANT A special treat. JENKINS It’s poison. WHITE ELEPHANT It is not poison. JENKINS (Handing the bag back to him) I don’t want this. WHITE ELEPHANT (WHITE ELEPHANT starts coughing) I need a cigarette! (Pushing the bag back to JENKINS) Keep the bag. You’ll need it. JENKINS NO! WHITE ELEPHANT (Handing it back) Okay, it’s poison. Do what you do. Or don’t do what you do. But if you don’t do what you do, don’t come crying to me for tusks. JENKINS This is not normal. WHITE ELEPHANT It is completely normal. JENKINS How can you do it? WHITE ELEPHANT You see? You don’t state the obvious. You intentionally don’t inquire into the obvious until it’s too late. JENKINS

143 What’s the obvious? WHITE ELEPHANT The obvious would be to state that you won’t come crying to me for tusks, that tusks are not worth it. But you don’t say that. JENKINS The truth is, I don’t remember ever agreeing to assassination. WHITE ELEPHANT Which is the most wonderful thing about memory: it’s amazing elastic quality. JENKINS Okay, then. How can you sell me tusks? elephant. Why would you do that?

You’re an

WHITE ELEPHANT I do not wish to discuss that further. See? Just will I am

JENKINS That’s why I don’t ask. You say things like that. explain yourself. If I can understand that then this all serve a purpose. And if it serves a purpose, then your man. Why would you barter in ivory? WHITE ELEPHAN

Well, I’m not. JENKINS Yes you are.

You have. WHITE ELEPHANT

I insist.

I am not.

JENKINS I bought two tusks from you last month. talking about? WHITE ELEPHANT I insist.

I am not. JENKINS

What are you

144 Yeah? Then I’m not responsible for destroying the planet. Huh?! What do you think of that! If you’re not selling elephant tusks, then humans are not destroying the planet. WHITE ELEPHANT EXACTLY. (Pause) JENKINS I don’t get it. WHITE ELEPHANT I am not selling tusks and you are not destroying the planet. Don’t you see? All you have to do is continue telling yourself that. And why? JENKINS Why? WHITE ELEPHANT Because then you can continue doing it. Get it? Otherwise, everyone would have quit smoking in nineteensixty-four. That’s why you didn’t demand an explanation two years ago, that’s why you haven’t asked even during this conversation. So, how do we get around the tusk thing? Look at it this way: you are taking what you want and that is all. JENKINS But you’re giving them to me. WHITE ELEPHANT And if I didn’t? JENKINS If you didn’t? WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. How badly do you want the tusks? JENKINS I needed those tusks. WHITE ELEPHANT

145 Badly? JENKINS Yeah. WHITE ELEPHANT Very badly. JENKINS Yeah. I needed those tusks very badly. WHITE ELEPHANT And if I didn’t sell them to you, what would you have done? If no one sold them to you, what would you have done? (Pause) JENKINS Ah. WHITE ELEPHANT Do you see? JENKINS I see. WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. I never gave you tusks. You took them. never prevented it.

I simply

JENKINS In the end, you couldn’t. WHITE ELEPHANT Exactly. JENKINS Sure, I get it. Just as the cows allow themselves to be eaten, as deer allow themselves to be smashed on the interstate, as dogs and cats allow themselves to be pets. You’re nuts! WHITE ELEPHANT Actually, I’m not. But everything you just said is correct. Every animal you ever shot, every animal you ever ate, every animal you ever owned, gave itself to you. I

146 know you know that. I know you’ve pushed your vanity and ego aside. Every truly expert hunter does. Every time a hunter blasts his shotgun into a flock of mallards, the mallards are the ones in control. This is understood by every creature involved. The mallard dictates the hunter’s actions. Every animal that dies at your hands has given itself to you. JENKINS I know what you’re trying to say but I think it’s glib. The hunter obviously has the most control. He may not control everything in his surroundings, but the action of shooting—by anyone’s perception—is in his control. How could you possibly dispute that? WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t. JENKINS The mallards are not in control. WHITE ELEPHANT All right. JENKINS So, you agree with me? WHITE ELEPHANT No. JENKINS Oh. But you dispute my point. WHITE ELEPHANT I don’t. JENKINS Oh. You mean you agree with it? WHITE ELEPHANT No.

JENKINS You don’t agree with it?

147 WHITE ELEPHANT Exactly. JENKINS I don’t understand. WHITE ELEPHANT Define it as you wish and I’ll do the same. Disputing that is pointless. I have no interest in debating the validity of our views. If you wait long enough, you’ll understand my point. But I can’t bring that evidence to you from somewhere in the future in order to prove my point. I have no way of convincing you. So, I can only warn you. JENKINS Warn me? WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. JENKINS Warn me about what? WHITE ELEPHANT Watch your back. JENKINS My back? WHITE ELEPHANT I say it as a courtesy only. You do know that it is mankind that views nature as a threat, don’t you? Nature does not threaten. Nature simply acts according to the circumstances presented to her. So, when I tell you to watch your back, I don’t mean it in the manner that man defines it. I’m trying to help. Watch your back. JENKINS I just don’t understand.

WHITE ELEPHANT Every species that ever lined up for you. Every species that ever patiently waited for its turn to fall for you, did so for its own sake. This is what I’m telling you. Or

148 for everyone’s sake, if you prefer. Every extinct species is actually ready to fall in line and find itself eradicated. No extinct species ever quarreled or fussed about its fate. The passenger pigeon never carried a protest sign. That’s ridiculous. protest sign.

JENKINS The passenger pigeon couldn’t carry a WHITE ELEPHANT

Exactly. (Pause) Get it? JENKINS No. JENKINS It couldn’t carry a sign. WHITE ELEPHANT Exactly. It couldn’t protest.

JENKINS It didn’t know to protest.

WHITE ELEPHANT EXACTLY. And even if it did, it wouldn’t. JENKINS I don’t know that I agree with that. Consciousness separates humans from all other creatures. WHITE ELEPHANT You really believe that? JENKINS Yes.

WHITE ELEPHANT Good. So, what did the passenger pigeon do? It did what it could: it allowed. Now it’s time for you to do what you do. And we’re already behind schedule.

149 JENKINS What is it, ultimately, in your opinion, that I do? WHITE ELEPHANT Are you really this ignorant? The earth will not perish because of you. What an arrogant species. The earth will be fine. It always has been fine. You may not be fine but the earth can take care of itself, thank you. JENKINS The earth is clearly not fine. WHITE ELEPANT Humans entertain themselves with this argument and we do find it amusing but it serves no purpose. And when the final polar bear drops into the drink don’t think that it wants mankind’s pity. It has no use for it. But once the final polar bear drops into the drink, that’s when I recommend you most prepare to… JENKINS Watch my back. WHITE ELEPHANT Not because of spite or anger or revenge. I don’t tell you to watch your back because of some flying squirrel assassin. It’s actually quite paradoxical. And far more simple. I tell you to watch your back because, basically, once we’re gone, who else will be around to cover it? (Long pause) Will you take this bag? I don’t know.

JENKINS I’m beginning to think I should.

WHITE ELEPHANT When will you know if you should? Don’t placate. back any minute. JENKINS I know I should. WHITE ELEPHANT May I look at your arms? JENKINS What? Why?

He’ll be

150

You see?

WHITE ELEPHANT (Grabbing JENKINS forearms and looking at his wrists) From the beginning, I knew you were our man.

JENKINS (Pulling his arms away) You’re a jerk! WHITE ELEPHANT How did you get those marks? JENKINS Those scars are from traveling through the brush. WHITE ELEPHANT Really? JENKINS That’s something you wouldn’t know anything about. You go where you want to. Upright. You don’t have to crawl around on your belly, over thorns, in the dirt. It’s not something you would do. WHITE ELEPHANT That’s what I’m telling you. You don’t have to sneak around anymore. Everything you are demands that you do what you do. Destruction is in your design. Your ultimate goal? Make the animate inanimate. If killing is part of your design then you should kill. You must kill our flightless friend because it is within your capacity to do so and clearly something that interests you. Why is he the last dodo? He looks odd, he tastes terrible, he serves no clear purpose. Surely you recognize that. Your ancestors clearly recognized that. You only fail if you doubt. We’re all waiting. You need not worry about saving the earth when the earth is telling you to fulfill your capacity. When elephants are gone you will have to learn to make do without ivory. And you will. Just don’t be sentimental about it. But don’t lie to yourself about it, WHITE ELEPHANT (Continued) either. It is inevitable. Every species in line to be eradicated gives itself to you. Because we know. JENKINS

151 What do you know? WHITE ELEPHANT That this is what it takes. Why do I have to repeat myself?! JENKINS I don’t understand. WHITE ELEPHANT We’ll get in line. JENKINS You’ll get in line. WHITE ELEPHANT Each of us. JENKINS Each of you. WHITE ELEPHANT If it is needed, every species will wait to be eradicated if doing so is what it must take. Do you see? (Pause) I think I see.

JENKINS No! I see.

WHITE ELEPHANT There is no such thing as artificial selection. serves its purpose. Even chance is calculated. JENKINS I’m a hunter! WHITE ELEPHANT Bravo. JENKINS I’m not a killer! WHITE ELEPHANT AND I’M NOT A SMOKER. (Long pause)

Everything

152

JENKINS You don’t understand: I DON’T WANT TO KILL HIM. WHITE ELEPHANT And I insist: YOU DO WANT TO KILL HIM. JENKINS I don’t! WHITE ELEPHANT You just don’t want to feel bad about it. But you have to feel bad about it. But you won’t feel bad about it until you do it so do it. (Pause) Do the dodo. JENKINS (Reaching for the bag) All right, boss. You win. WHITE ELEPHANT Hardly. Then I’ll do the job.

JENKINS Okay? Happy? WHITE ELEPHANT

No. JENKINS Regardless. You want me to kill him? I know I got it.

You got it.

WHITE ELEPHANT Do you get it?

(Pause) JENKINS (Reaching for the bag) I do. WHITE ELEPHANT Good. That sounds like the start of a wonderful partnership. (DODO enters carrying a digital camera)

153

Wow! That was majestic!

DODO I’m a new bird! JENKINS

Are you now? DODO No. That was a figure of speech.

I’m still myself.

But…

JENKINS But? DODO But… JENKINS But what? DODO But… JENKINS What? DODO But… WHITE ELEPHANT Make him stop doing that. DODO I do have a plan. JENKINS What plan? DODO I plan to adapt. You always talk about mutating, so I figure it’s time to make some changes. JENKINS Such as? DODO Such as, this flightless bird will soon be flightless no more.

154

WHITE ELEPHANT What do you mean? DODO Well, my abacus outlet store crashed before it could even get off the ground. And who am I fooling? No bank will bank on a Betamax repair super-center! Not with all these fools switching to VHS! But something’s gonna fly, my brethren, and that something is…me! JENKINS Meaning what? DODO Meaning: flying lessons! JENKINS Flying lessons? DODO Yep! I’m gonna be a pilot! I’m gonna learn me how to fly one of those giant doohickeys that they got buzzing around in the air. JENKINS An airplane? DODO Yeah! An airplane! I’m gonna learn to fly one of them doohickeys. Look, if I could, I’d mutate these limp wings into something that could take me to the clouds but I can’t. I’ve tried and I can’t. BUT: I can adapt! Then no one’s gonna ever again call this bird flightless, again! (Pause) Jenkins! JENKINS Sir!

DODO Do the dessert tray! JENKINS (Posing)

155 “First we have a nice sundae parfait, sprinkled with…” DODO Do the pigeon! JENKINS (Strutting as a pigeon) Cooo…! Cooo…! DODO I love that! Do the staircase! (JENKINS stops strutting and crouches as if sitting on a chair that isn’t there) Excellent! Want a treat? JENKINS No. WHITE ELEPHANT Did you poop? DODO Jenkins, cover your ears. (JENKINS covers his ears; DODO speaks to WHITE ELEPHANT) So were you jerking my chain earlier or are you a white elephant? WHITE ELPHANT I am a white elephant. DODO (To JENKINS) Keep your ears covered! (JENKINS covers them more tightly) ‘Cause earlier you started saying that you weren’t. WHITE ELEPHANT Yes. DODO Kind of shook me up. I didn’t know what you were up to. Then you were blowing smoke rings and talking voodoo…I didn’t know what was going on. But since the holidays are just around the corner…

156 WHITE ELEPHANT Yes… DODO And you are a white elephant… WHITE ELEPHANT Yes… DODO I thought I’d give you as a gift to Jenkins! Get it? “white elephant” gift! I think that would be a hoot! (JENKINS lowers his hands from his ears) Oh, yeah. That’s good, boy. Coast is clear.

A

WHITE ELEPHANT Did you poop? DODO Did I ever! I took pictures!

Did I poop? Let me show you guys! (They gather behind DODO who displays the digital screen of the camera to them) WHITE ELEPHANT Did you poop in your nest? JENKINS Where were these pictures taken? DODO Actually, I did not poop in my nest. I had to adapt. boys gave me the biggest complex about that.

You

(JENKINS takes the camera and looks at the pictures by himself) WHITE ELEPHANT No, we did not.

Actually you did. place to poop.

DODO But that’s okay. JENKINS

What place?

I just found another

157

DODO I ambled over to the closet and found that white shirt of yours. And I thought, “Heck, Jenkins never wears this thing! I think I’ll have me a nice poop right on top of his white shirt!” JENKINS YOU…WHAT? DODO Yeah. I pooped all over your new white shirt. I did some wacky stuff on that shirt. I was a regular Jasper Johns all over your shirt! Or maybe Kandinsky. Still, I figured you’d be glad! (Pause) JENKINS And why would I be glad? DODO Because! I found a use for that shirt! You never wear it! It just sits there! Hey, maybe I should make that a second nest! Kinda like a home on the French Riviera! WHITE ELEPHANT (Rising) On that note… DODO You’re leaving? WHITE ELEPHANT I have other appointments. I have to meet a Chinaman regarding a White Flag Dolphin. DODO We didn’t finish our game!

WHITE ELEPHANT We weren’t playing a game. DODO

158 Don’t get started on that. game.

We absolutely were playing a

WHITE ELEPHANT Perhaps we were. DODO Thank you! (To JENKINS) Geez! This guy! Perhaps we still are.

WHITE ELEPHANT Jenkins? JENKINS

Sir? WHITE ELEPHANT Your move. (WHITE ELEPHANT exits. Pause. DODO and JENKINS stare at each other) DODO What’s in the bag, boy? JENKINS Trail mix. DODO Trail mix. JENKINS Trail mix. DODO Good. I do love my trail mix. Yessiree, bob. Hold it up. (JENKINS lifts up the bag) Lots of healthy stuff in there. Good. A little air got in there but that’s okay. The bag’s kinda puffy. No great shakes. JENKINS I could try to smooth it, sir. DODO

159 Could you? Naw! That’s silly. I should just learn to deal with those kinds of things. Say. JENKINS Yes? DODO Question. JENKINS Yes? DODO Just a little thing. JENKINS Okay. DODO That one day… JENKINS Yes? DODO Why didn’t you kill me? (Pause) JENKINS Excuse me? Excuse you?

Excuse you?

DODO Did you belch? JENKINS

No. DODO Good. That knife. JENKINS What knife? DODO Eighteen months ago.

160 JENKINS Yes? DODO Was it an attempt at mockery? JENKINS No. DODO Hmm. JENKINS Okay? DODO Hmm. JENKINS Okay? DODO Okay. (Pause) Why didn’t you kill me? JENKINS Honestly? DODO Honestly. JENKINS I don’t know how to respond to this accusation. DODO Oh. Well, guess what? JENKINS What? DODO You should have killed me. (Long pause)

161 JENKINS Excuse me? DODO I actually have to repeat that? something with you.

I need to discuss

JENKINS I’m not being indignant. DODO Look. Do you want me pooping on your shoes? I think I can scare up some more fecal matter. Would you like that? JENKINS No. DODO Then drop it. My point is, you should have killed me. were foolish to not kill me. Why didn’t you do it?

You

JENKINS First of all, I wasn’t trying to kill you but if I was, why would I have been a fool for not doing it? And secondly, wouldn’t you be grateful that I didn’t kill you? Instead of feeling anger towards me for not killing you? DODO What are you a Republican? JENKINS What? DODO Listen. First off, you’re a fool. Second off, you’re a fool. Killing me would have solved my hunger problem. And killing me would have solved your hunger problem. Now, instead of an ecosystem kept in brutally beautiful balance, we had two starving idiots because of the disease of neurosis. Are you sure you’re Jenkins Smith? Or is all that crap about Jenkins Smith just a charade?

JENKINS What do you mean, charade? Of course not. Charade? You’re kidding, right? Charade? What a question! A charade???

162

DODO Who are you really? JENKINS Jenkins Smith, the hunter. (Pause) Jenkins Smith. DODO Calm down.

Once is fine.

JENKINS Why are you looking at me like that? DODO I want some trail mix. Sunflower seeds, cashews, crushed walnuts, M&M’s, Fruit Loops, Gummy Worms, mustard pretzels filled with peanut butter and Oreo Cookie crumbs. Healthy stuff. Energy food. You don’t smoke do you? JENKINS No. DODO Good. Let me see that trail mix again. (JENKINS holds up the bag) Looks tasty. What’s that big thing in the middle? JENKINS A treat. DODO The whole dang thing’s a treat, boy! What, specifically, is that big, black block in the center of the bag? JENKINS Poison. (Pause) Jeremy. (Long pause) DODO Fuck you.

163 (Pause) JENKINS What? DODO Strong letter to follow. Now do it right. (Brightly) What’s that big, black thing in the bag? JENKINS A special treat. DODO Goody! I like treats! (Pause) What do you do now, asshole? JENKINS Excuse me? I’m about to lose it!

DODO What do you do now, asshole? JENKINS

I…I’m…I don’t… DODO Hey, Jenkins! Do the ass! (JENKINS doesn’t move) Do the ignoramus! (JENKINS doesn’t move) Do the conscientious objector! (JENKINS doesn’t move) DO THE SELF-PITYING, SUPERIORITY-COMPLEXED, SELF-RIGHTEOUS, BOORISH, INDUSTRIALIZED PROTESTANT! (JENKINS doesn’t move) Hey Jenkins. JENKINS Sir.

DODO Do the dodo.

164 (Pause) You know what you need? JENKINS I need to see things black and white. DODO Fuck you. I have to see things black and white. You have to be Jenkins. Let’s have the bag. (JENKINS hands DODO the bag) Good. (Brightly) Hey! Now that looks tasty! There’s something about candy with artwork that gets my juices going! Looks kinda Halloweenie! Like a pirate treat! (Grimly) Here goes. You ready? JENKINS (Tears in his eyes) No. DODO Too bad. (Taking the wrapped, skull-and-crossbones piece and holds it up) Wow! I forget. I’m such a dodo. What’s this again? JENKINS The question. DODO Good. (DODO unwraps the poison and drops it back into the bag. He then burrows his head into the bag and starts eating) Yum! Good stuff! JENKINS (Tears falling) Sir…? DODO Go to hell. (Pause) Good night.

165 JENKINS (Starts sobbing) Good night. DODO The hour of departure has arrived.

What am I, Jenkins?

JENKINS You…um…you are the answer, sir. DODO I certainly am now! (DODO drops over, dead. He has eaten the poison. JENKINS falls to his knees, sobbing)

BLACKOUT END OF PLAY

166

JENKINS AND THE DODO A Play in Two Acts by Daniel A. Scurek

Copyright © 2007 by Daniel A. Scurek

Cast of Characters

2790 Packford Ln. Aurora, IL 60502 630-898-9001 [H] 630-401-6549 [Cell] [email protected]

167

JENKINS:

A hunter, middle-aged.

DODO:

A small, stout, flightless bird.

WHITE ELEPHANT:

A large mammal.

Setting The island of Mauritius, east of Madagascar.

Time Present.