Essay 3

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Eric Jackson Professor Granillo English 101 17 March 2019 A Child’s Roles Children have now become of victim of modern society. Since the industrial revolution, and even before, it has been a custom for men to work and women to stay at home and take care of the children. During the 20th century, great strides were taken to rectify this age old injustice and promote true gender equality through the actions of first and second wave feminists. This slow change in gender roles has caused many to fixate on the idea that all women should join the workforce. As the economy has changed; however, many middle and lower class families struggle to make ends meet with only one breadwinner in the home, causing men to have to work as well. Yet something has been left out of this debate in almost its entirety. How will these changes to the family dynamic effect children. Modern society has become fixated on the idea of women in the workplace to promote the changing of gender roles and female empowerment, while economic necessity causes men to have to work as well. With a continued limit on the amount of parental interaction as a result of this, many children are growing up in markedly different ways then in the past; when in fact, such a stigmatism should not be placed on parents wanting to experience their children's development. Following the Great Depression and World War 2 the nuclear family rose to prominence during the 1950s idealizing working men and stay at home moms; the later half of the 20th century however, gave rise to the dual income household which has evolved into the accepted

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norm today. In spite of this change, many parents still feel like they have a hard time grappling with both home and work life putting stress on both parents to raise their children correctly. This is a fact that Richard Dorment highlights in his essay “Why Men Still Can’t Have It All”, a response to a piece by Anne Marie Slaughter, which analyzes the deteriorating family dynamic that has been caused by the dual income household, as well as rebuking certain positions of Slaughter. Midway through his essay Dorment cites Ellen Galinsky who has studied the American workplace and cofounded the Families and Work Institute and her analysis that “by 2008, 60 percent of fathers in dual-earning couples were experiencing some or a lot of conflict compared to about 47 percent of women. I would go into meetings with business leaders and report the fact that men’s work-family conflict was higher than women’s, and people in the room -who were so used to being worried about women’s advancement-couldn’t believe it” (Dorment 562). This startling statistic is fundamental in showcasing the unintentional effects of dual income households on the strain that both parents grapple with when faced with having successful careers and comfortable home lives. The divided domestic responsibilities in dual income homes is thus a catalyst for adding more stress on parents than previously or in single income homes where one parent would have more time for such duties. This stress and struggle for proper time management eventually falls onto the children who are faced with the prospect of parents who both work and have little time to set aside for domestic duties leaving them to pick up the slack or parents to stress further. In the end, dual income homes can be healthy benefits for both parties but come at the cost of divided time and a potential to stifle child-parent interactions.

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The struggle to maintain a good parent-child relationship is not just a recent phenomenon however, as parents whose children have grown up may often feel regret for missing their offsprings early years due to work. Anne Marie Slaughter in her essay “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All”, an analysis of how women still struggle with balancing work and home life in a modern society that wants them to seemingly choose one or the other, cites a blogger who worked in palliative care who stated that her patient’s “second-most-common-regret was ‘I wish I didn’t work so hard.’ She writes: ‘This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship’” (Slaughter 546-547). The struggles of balancing a working life and a home life may often come at a price as due to divided time many parents may not experience all that the early years of their children have to offer. This in turn may lead to regret on the part of the parents who may often want to spend more time with their children later in life only for their attempts to fail due to their children now having teenage or adult responsibilities demanding their time. By missing out on the crucial years of a child's development, parents are doing themselves a disservice. While advancing one's career is a worthwhile goal if both parents attempt it, they will ultimately sacrifice something which inevitably ends up being the witnessing of your child's early years and fostering their development. The economy of the modern world is in a dire state and due to that many parents may feel that making more money by having a dual income system would aid them in the financial struggles of the modern age. This however comes at its own cost. As cited in a article by The Atlantic, many parents see making more money as a positive idea, “But of course that extra 50 grand doesn’t come free. These women are selling their time, and they don’t have much of it left.

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According to Pew, both moms and dads in two-earner households report feeling pressed for time. Forty percent of moms working full-time “say they ​always​ feel rushed.” Half of dads who work full-time say they don’t get enough time with their kids” (Rosen). The added pressure of living in a dual income household ultimately lands on the shoulders of children. While mothers may feel like they are pressed for time due to seeking to compensate for their spouse in domestic duties while maintaining a career, this stress may ultimately cause them to not be able to adequately allocate time for their offspring. Meanwhile, fathers more inclined to provide for their family would not have sufficient time to spend with their children and the time spent with them would be in as state of stress or exhaustion due to being stretched in multiple directions. The added stress that this creates in a family dynamic ultimately brings into question the validity of alleviating financial stress with a dual income household as other issues arise to take its place. In the end, childhood development may come with such perks as increased funds for extracurricular activities but comes at the cost of valuable and irreplaceable time for parent-child experiences. Extracurricular activities often exist as a way for children to meet peers and learn valuable skills at impressionable ages but in addition to activities such as sports, many households require such services as babysitters or daycares to care for their children. Due to the nature of dual income households, parents must provide a means of not only watching their children, but stimulating them when they are not present. Because of this many parents use extracurricular activities as child care to allow them more time for their jobs. But according to an article published in Rewire, “​While these dual-income families are bringing in more money, they’re paying for it in other ways. Across the nation, child care remains one of families’ largest expenses, according to the Economic Policy Institute. The U.S. Department of Health and

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Human Services considers child care affordable for a family only if it costs no more than 10 percent of household income (Moritz). This raises the issue of how children develop when interacting with peers and adults who are not their parents more than their actual parents. Children are thus subjected to this as a means of allowing their parents to focus more on their work. This situation not only comes at a developmental cost but also monetary as many of these programs cost money which may take up a large portion of expenses that those parents work for. This may bar low income families from them entirely leaving a large gap in the development of children as neither extracurricular nor familial interactions are available to them. In conclusion, while extracurricular activities may offer children unique experiences, they shouldn’t entirely substitute parental-child interactions or cause unneeded financial pressure forcing parents to devote even more time and energy into work that could otherwise be put towards spending time with their children. The money that parents make may provide for a more comfortable living and give access to more activities for their children, but that is not a substitute for truly spending time with their offspring. As cited by healthychildren.org, “​Two-parent working families may have more money, but material things and access to costly activities are no substitute for a parent's time (healthychildren.org)” Childhood development is a vital component of life. While parents may believe that having more money will provide a better development for their child, the true effect this mentality has is that they lose having a direct hand in their child's early life and that is something impossible to get back. Extracurriculars are ultimately no substitute for parental love and guidance and the notion that they are has been perpetuated by the idea that they provide valuable time for parents to perform other activities and work related duties.

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While many of these situations place the intentions and actions of parents into perspective, the mind of children in these situations is the strongest indicator for how unappealing such a situation really is. In an article by Timothy Burns on Our Everyday Life he cites a statistic that states, “​According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, young children learn higher levels of self-esteem and self-confidence when they have both parents available to care for them. They also score better on cognitive development tests when one parent is in the home full time for longer periods before returning to the workplace. (Burns).” In essence this provides a clear picture on the advantages of having a stay-at-home parent. The success of a child is often determined by skills they learn early in life with many of these skills coming from their parents. With more time devoted to child development, a child with a stay-at-home parent, whether mother or father, would grow to be a more well rounded and educated individual then one who is left without strong parental support. This is why the notion that women should join the workforce to purely to advance the “female cause” is an absurd trend. Likewise the stigmitism around a stay at home father is a old-fashioned mentality that should be dispelled. There shouldn’t be a problem with a single income home as a child's growth and future is something that parents should experience and take an active role in. In conclusion, parental love does not have an equal when it comes to a child’s development. To sacrifice this for the sake of conforming to a societal standard of evolving gender roles or the belief that more money is somehow more beneficial than time spent with your offspring has ultimately caused the status quo of the dual income house to arise. In the end, a child’s life is something that shouldn’t be missed for any amount of money or status. Thus we as

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a society must work to dispel the notions placed upon parents and acknowledge that a man or woman staying at home to watch their child grow is nothing to be ashamed of.

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Works Cited

“Balancing Work and Kids in a Dual-Income Household.” ​Rewire,​ 13 July 2018, www.rewire.org/love/balancing-dual-income-household/. Burns, Timothy. “Advantages & Disadvantages Dual-Income Families.” ​Our Everyday Life,​ 10 Jan. 2019, oureverydaylife.com/advantages-disadvantages-dualincome-families-8598117.html. Graff, Gerald, and Cathy Birkenstein. ​"They Say / I Say": the Moves That Matter in Academic Writing​. W.W. Norton & Company, 2018. “How Do The Kids Fare When Both Parents Work?” ​HealthyChildren.org,​ www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/work-play/Pages/How-do-the-Kids-Fare-W hen-Both-Parents-Work.aspx. “How Working Parents Share Parenting and Household Responsibilities.” ​Pew Research Center's Social & Demographic Trends Project,​ Pew Research Center's Social & Demographic Trends Project, 20 Jan. 2017, www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/11/04/raising-kids-and-running-a-household-how-workin g-parents-share-the-load/. Rosen, Rebecca J. “Money-Rich and Time-Poor: Life in Two-Income Households.” ​The Atlantic,​ Atlantic Media Company, 4 Nov. 2015, www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/11/work-life-balance-pew-report/414028/.