Enchanting Stories

UNTOLD STORIES (A COLLECTION OF SHORT STORIES)

By

SHEELA DEVI

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For my Dearest Son ****

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SANDEEP KUMAR

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CONTENTS

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1……………… THE VISION 2………………A TALE CALLED LIFE 3……………….DOWN THE MEMORY LANE 4………………..FEATHER TOUCH 5………………..NEXT TO MY HEART 6…………………PET DREAM 7…………………BOND OF LOVE 8…………………THE BRIDE 9…………………THE CLIMAX 10………………..THE GIRL NEXT DOOR 11………………….THE TREASURE 12………………..THE STORY TELLER

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THE STORY TELLER Renuka looked out of her window towards the gathering rain clouds .It looked as if it was going to rain .She loved rains .Because it was so romantic .Her passion for rain started since her school days. When she used to steal a shower in the celestial showers with out her parents` knowledge. That was all so long ago. Now she was twenty eight and still unmarried. But there was some thing that was so important in her life. Yes! She was an acclaimed writer now. Her past two novels had brought in a lot of accolades and prizes for her. The fame and its fringed benefits were so very intoxicating that she did not mind her present loneliness. Come to think of it she was not exactly lonely .She had a very loving and caring boyfriend .Infact it was to him that she would read out all her novels even before she showed anyone of her publishers or friends .Chetan, was his name…….. . He met her on a rainy day .That was also on that rainy day that her love bloomed in her heart. Renuka was walking through an empty street after visiting one of her friends. But it rained unexpectedly and she had no shelter to run in to. But she used that opportunity to get wet once again .Reminiscing her younger days she sloshed through the muddy lane. Quite unexpectedly, a car stopped in front of her. A very smart looking guy looked out .He was, she felt, in his late thirties. She stopped to enquire .To her surprise she found him smiling .He had the kindest smile she had ever seen on a person .Instantly she liked him ,But her self respect did not allow her to exhibit her feelings. “Want a lift’? He asked her without taking the eyes of her .He seemed Amused with her .He was looking intensely at her with out staring.” Don’t worry .You would be safe with me .Please don't be apprehensive .I have seen 4

you ever so many times .Because I live quite near your house.” He seemed to convince her of his intentions.” That is ok’. But I don't mind walking .I am almost near the auto stand.” She replied with out hesitation.” It is ok ,if you don't want a lift .I was only trying to help” Saying thus he drove of .But his image did not drive out of her mind .Some thing clicked well the moment she saw him .May be that was what the writers called as love at first sight .”Come on Renuka “Don't act like a love sick teenager .You are a grown up adult .And that too an accomplished writer. She reminded herself.. Walking in the rain always made her very romantic .The writer’s instincts instilled many passionate thoughts in her!! She was well past her nuptial years .May be that was also another reason for her wound up nerves. Giving all the romantic moods a shrug and a sheepish smile she walked towards the auto stand. Renuka was the only child of her parents . They were still in her native land in Kerala .But she was here in Coimbatore because she had a job as a copywriter in a very famous advertising company .Journalism and modeling were two fields she was very crazy about .She had a post graduate degree in Visual media too. Renuka was always a very independent child .Although she was born in a remote village in Kerala, her thoughts and ambition were very advanced and forward. Her father was a very reputed farmer there. Her village was called Vattapara .The name itself denoted the geography of that area. Yes it was full of rocks and hard soil .There was even a fable attached to its origin about how it got it’s name Vattapara (which in Malayalam language means round rock) . One day while Renuka and her school mates were browsing through the forest area of that village for flowers they met Parukutty amma .She was the story teller of that village .Every child in that village was very fond of Parukutty amma .Because she told them umpteen folklore .So many age old stories of kings and queens and even giants and notorious and ruthless ruffians who lived there not so long ago .She also told them the story about how that village got it’s name “Vattapara”.

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”There was once a huge rocky mountain here .But no one was able to access the height of it .So once a group of young men decided to explore high in to that rocky mountain’’ ‘Parukutty amma kept the children enthralled with her story telling capacity. She continued “These young men climbed up and up .They were not able to access its peak. And they did not want to return back with out finding the peak .Soon it grew dark. The young men started to worry .A few even wanted to return .But their false pride did not allow them to succumb to their physical needs and short comings.” Parukutty amma stopped for a moment before starting .She had wanted the entire situation to have a tempo. Because she knew that the children were simply enthralled. ``At last when it grew dark they lay down on a crevice of the mountain to wait for the sunlight. But no one knows what had happened to those young men .Because none of them came back. Their parents waited with anxiety and sorrow .The entire village went in to mourning .But in vain…….. Then after a few months there occurred a huge rain and storm .Seems every ounce of life vanished from here in that storm. But after many years when life happened here , there wasn't any huge rock mountain .Instead there were a few round rocks .Even now the people here believe that those rocks represent those young men .”Parukutty amma looked up seriously at the children, as if she had accomplished a great honor to that village. Renuka was very interested in hearing stories although she knew that most of the time Parukutty amma was fabricating tales .Still she enjoyed it .That imagination and that way of delivering it all were a kind of fascination for her .She often wondered whether her literary abilities owe a lot to those childhood story times…… Getting home from the rain she felt herself thinking abut that person who had wanted to give her a lift. Why.. Why was she thinking about him .She who boasted a lot about her power to draw a line where men were concerned? She was in a self imposed celibacy for reasons even she did not know .But one thing was sure .That was she was falling in love .Yes it was strange .But very true .

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Living alone in a two room apartment was not a new thing to her .Since her publishing days she was often thinking of bringing her parents to Coimbatore .But her father often nullified her wish .Because he did not want to leave his farming at all costs .She left it at that .She had some good neighbours .So even she did not mind her lonely existence .Besides half the time she was away from her house .House to her was just a place to rest her tired self and to type her stories … The very next day when she was about to go to the office, She found the same stranger standing some what adjacent to her house .He was buying some thing from a shop there. On seeing her he showed recognition .She smiled and crossed the road to him. ”Why, do you stay any where near here.” She enquired.” Not here .But a few yards away from here.” I often come here for cigarettes. I have often seen you going to the office .That was why I offered to give you a lift .But I am sure you must have mistaken my intentions.” He stopped apologetically .Renuka was emphatic when she said a loud “No”. She did not want to appear more vulnerable .So she said “Actually it is me who should be apologetic to you. Since I never noticed a person who recognizes me so much .I am so sorry .It is one of my weak points .I seldom remember faces .Any way a belated thanks for that offer to take me home … That was how it started.. A sudden and unexpected start for a long and beautiful relationship…. Chetan ,and Renuka had so much in common .The most important of it all was their literary interests .Both loved to read as well as write .But Chetan was more into poetry .Although Renuka was not all that interested in poetry ,she pretended interest for the sake of Chetan.. But by and by she started getting interested in the vistas of a poetic expression. Renuka discussed all her writings with him and he gave her genuine and intelligent suggestions too at times..Usually the writer skips his or her own mistakes .But a critic would be able to pinpoint the pros and cons .Chetan was doing exactly that for her .Their love culminated in to some thing very profound and interesting. They both never brought up the question of marriage .Because they both were against the institution of marriage .Chetan have had some bitter memories 7

attached to the relation ship and it’s depth. She once asked him “Chetan why don't you ever insist on a marriage between us .?’His answer was spontaneous.” Because I don't want us to ever depart .If we marry we would be under a kind of obligation to forsake our real needs.” Why do you feel that we would be forsaking our real needs and aspirations ,once we marry .we love each other so much .So why are you apprehensive ?” Renuka probed deeper.” I know you find my statement very weird .But that is because I have a strong and solid reason to hate that custom .` ` Chetan was pensive for a split second .Renuka found a strong sadness pass over his entire mood .Chetan was finding it difficult to hide his feelings .”I have reason to hate marriage, Renuka .Because I feel that it is a kind of shackle on you .It prevents you from a escape which you might want.” Chetan was talking in riddles .But Renuka understood his difficulty.” I understand Chetan, I don't want to probe.” She concluded .But Chetan was insistent .``No Renuka ,you must know why I am against marriage .Or at least not in a jiffy .You know Renuka ,My dad was a golden hearted man .But for some reason unknown to me my mother was always at crossroads with him .But my mother too was a good lady .I don't know what went wrong between them initially .But come to think of it ,I feel that my father was not the type of man my mother craved for .May be that was why she was always away from the house ..But dad was always there to help me with my problems and troubles .It was to him that I went when I was in any kind of problems.” Chetan was very thoughtful and had a faraway look about him ,So Renuka did not stop or hinder his volley of words or thoughts .She let him spill it all out .At least he would be able to get peace of mind thus .Chetan continued ‘I needed mother at times for moral support .But she was not there .So once I asked her, her reason for being away from home always. She was tongue tied .Not because she did not have an answer .But because she did not know how to explain it to me. She must have had a boy friend, with whom she vibed well .May be dad was not all that good as was expected, or may be the fault was not with either of them but with the institution called marriage .What ever be the reason, I feel that one should be very confident and confirmed about their relation ship before they get united in wedlock .Other wise it would be a dead weight .’’He concluded.”‘

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Now where are your parents? Are they with you?” Renuka was interested now.” No My mother has gone away .My dad was with me .But he died last year of cardiac arrest .Since I was their only issue ,I am a free bird now .”He tried to make the situation and his present position a light one .Because he did not want anyone to sympathize with him. Renuka understood his hatred for wedlock.” Ok Chetan, we shall wait some more to double confirm our need for each other. I am willing to wait .Because it is your happiness that is foremost for me .”Look at me .Even I am in a self induced celibacy .But I feel that it is time to break it .You are the person to whom my heart have responded well .I can feel it in me .” Renuka was just talking to herself .She knew that she loved him very much and she also knew that he too loved her .But he was not ready yet .Her love for him was so intense that she understood his apprehensions very well “Renuka ..You are so nice.” with that he embraced her .The kiss he planted on her lips said it all for her .He loved her deeply and completely .But he was afraid to admit it all so soon.” Darling “he was whispering in her ears .I love you so much .I know that you can make my life complete. It is just that I need some more time .The moment I set eyes on you I had decided that you would be my woman.” With that he started kissing her passionately .Time stood still for that lovers .The entire atmosphere seemed scented and colourful. Two hearts were united in love and were whispering sweet nothings. It was Renuka who came to her senses first.. She realized that they were standing at the sit out of her house. ”Chetan, let us go inside “No darling .I am highly charged with lot of emotion .Some other time .I am very sorry I lost control.’’ Chetan was faking apology .They both laughed sheepishly at the out burst of their carnal desire.. Days seemed to fly in golden wings .Chetan visited her whenever he got free time. He was a self employed person .So that left him with a lot of free time as and when he pleased. One morning Chetan came to Renuka`s house.` `Good morning darling I came in to tell you that I would be away for a few days,one business. But why are you having a serious expression today”? “Oh it is nothing .How long would you be away. I have already started to miss you “Renuka still

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looked pensive.” I would be away for a week or so .It would all depend on a transaction that has to be done .But what has bitten you .You look faraway.” Renuka spilled it ‘’Chetan didn’t you read about the number deaths that had taken place a few months back .The police are of opinion that it is a case of serial killing by the same person .The pattern of killing are all same .’’ Now what has that got to do with your moods ‘’Chetan was curious ‘’I was thinking about writing a story about a serial killer .No one is born a killer .It is circumstances that make or breaks a man .So I want to prove with my story that a serial killer too has a heart and that he can be rectified with love and affection. I am sure it would hit the literary world with a big blow .I am sure it would be an instant success.” But Renuka, it can also be big flop .Or haven’t you ever thought about it in that track .As for me I feel that Serial killing is a state of mind .Kind of in borne venom.’ But looking at it in another angle, yes, one can be rectified with love .But who would love a serial killer knowingly? You have a hell of a job there Renuka .Because you would have to convince the readers .Any way darling.. Keep yourself busy .I want to see how you have written it all .Remember I am your best critic” He drifted away with a wave and a peck on her cheek. Yes, like Chetan had said it would indeed be a good chance to show her mettle She would have to write a convincing novel and at the same time rectify a serial killer .Her literary brain had already started to tick… Although Chetan was away ,they contacted regularly over the phone .Now their subject of argument was her new story .Chetan was almost always against her as he found it a very improbable subject .So he tried to dissuade her .But Renuka was adamant .She even started to feel emphatic towards her fictitious characters . Chetan was critical because he did not want her to be hurt if the novel fails to attract the public interest .He was always giving her happiness more importance .That was the main reason for his objection to her new story matter …When he found that Renuka was sounding very confidant about her new story ,He left it at that .He did not want o be critical .So on the eve of his return to her place ,he told her over the phone “Dear ,let us not argue about 10

your story .Forget what I feel about your story .Since you are very confidant about it’s outcome ,I leave it to you to decide .But I still feel that it is a very weak subject .Any way darling all the best to you .”Before calling off he said “Now when I come over there let us not argue .We have so many other interesting matters to discuss and do. Right? ”Ok Chetan I am waiting for you’’. She called off The next day rain was pouring` cats and dogs` outside. Renuka was giving her story the final finishing touches .She was oblivious of the moody climate .Infact it enhanced her tempo for the story … She did not know the time tick away .Her fingers were starting to feel numb from typing. She was feeling very hungry and thirsty .She looked up from her monitor at the clock .It was late in to the evening .So that meant that she was typing away for the past so many hours .She was not able to believe it .”My God! how the time flies “she told to herself and got up to cook some thing for herself .It was still raining outside .Some where in the after noon it had stopped to rain .But the weather was again pouring out its fury in full swing . While she sat down with her dinner, she realized that Chetan had not called .But that was not at all like him .May be he was busy finishing off the deal .Or maybe he was not able to get connection .He was supposed to be with her that day .She dialed his number. The phone went on ringing .But Chetan was not lifting it .What ever has happened to him .She started getting worried .It was raining so heavily too. She dialed his number many times .At times the ringing sound stopped in the middle as if the net work was having problems.`` This cursed rain is doing so much damage ‘’she told to herself .She waited up for him till late night .Then she called the servant girl to her side and told her “Nalini you go and sleep.” It is late .Nalini was her neighbours` servant .Since Renuka was alone, Nalini used to come to her house just to keep her company in the night.. Renuka waited for some more time before retiring to bed .She did not put all the locks in the front door .Just locked it with her key .So that Chetan can open it ,if at all he came in the night .He was having the duplicate key of her

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house .Similarly ,she had a duplicate key of his house .It was an understanding between them since their togetherness. Renuka lay on the bed listening to the pitter patter of the rain.” What kind of rain is this .Is it not going to stop ever…’’was the last thought on her mind before she fell in to a deep sleep… She woke after an hour or so hearing a scream. Or did she imagine it .Or was it a nightmare .She was not sure .She got up and put on the lamp and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water … But what she outside her study, where Nalini was sleeping stopped her heart. She felt frozen .Standing in front of the study room was a disheveled looking Chetan .He was dripping wet and he had a rain coat on.. But what stopped her heart was the glittering stiletto in his hand.. And it was covered with blood … Slowly her eyes went to the ground between his legs .In the dim light that was seeping past her bedroom ,she saw a trickle of blood flowing from the study room .She stretched her frozen form to see its origin .There drenched in her own blood lay Nalini.—cold and dead!. From some distance she heard Chetan whisper.’ So you want to prove to the world that you can rectify a serial killer .How can you .Didn’t I tell you umpteen times that You can’t ..Other wise you could have changed ME long before! !.For I am that Serial Killer the police are looking for. I refuse to change .Women are bad .My mother is the finest example .I thought you to be different ,Now I understand that you are not different .You want to change me ..Isn’t it? And make me a puppet like my dear father.. Why …Goodman it .. Why?’ He was roaring now . Renuka`s feet felt like stones .She was transfixed.. But she managed to mumble “Chetan .Let me explain.’’ But he was too quick for her He pounced on her and in a split second it was all over. Renuka saw a beautiful star dancing in front of her when her life ebbed away from her .That star had Chetan`s face embossed on it .A loving and smiling face of her lover .! 12

By Sheela

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THE VISION It was an early summer night .Dileep did not feel like sleeping .For some unknown reason sleep was evading him. So he slowly got out from his bed and went and stood near the open terrace .Through the window he peered at the smiling moon .Yes he felt as if the Moon was smiling at him .``How silly``. He told to himself. ``Will the moon smile?” .But there were ever so many poems written in all languages about the beauty and the expressions of moon. So what is wrong if he felt that the moon was smiling at him? He was wondering why he was experiencing such strange incidents. Yes he was seeing visions in atmosphere. Where ever he looked he could clearly see a face .From any thing and every thing he was able to form a face that was always the same image .Yes it was the face of a woman .A woman with a deep and soulful pair of eyes. He could make out the disheveled hair as well as a sad looking expression .Although the vision was not so clear .It was definite .At times he felt very restless .But at other times he really felt that it was God’s own way of trying to relate to him about something he had overlooked or have not delved in to yet. Dileep was a lecturer in English in a men’s college in that city .He was a very soft-spoken person and a favorite amongst the students .He had a way with the children.thre was seldom any complaints lodged against him .every one loved Dileep. He made the atmosphere a better one with his presence. One day his friend and co worker Radhakrishnan asked him “Hey Dileep what is it that you have that we don’t have .?”:What is the matter with me’’ was Dileep`s astounded query .He did not understand what his friend was implying .So Radhaa Krishnan got a little more detailed.” I was telling about your hold in the college .I know you had won every one’s heart .But all said and done, you do deserve all the adulations that we as well as all the students are showering on you .It is not always that one get to know a good person like you …”With such exemplary words Radhaa Krishnan paused for more words…Yes that was how it was with the world. Dileep was the apple of everyone’s eye. 14

But he was a loner who craved for some love..There wasn’t anyone in this world whom he could call as his own. Because he was an orphan .Once he asked his foster father ,Father Kuncheria,about his birth and also how he chanced to get him .That was many years ago. Dileep was just a college boy then .So Kuncheria did not elaborate on any matters relating to his parents .But he said just his much” Son, I got you from the road, near a gutter. You were sitting there crying .You were just about four years then.’With that words father tried to walk away from him .But Dileep, although too young to find a double meaning or depth on those words, could still feel that father was trying to evade some truth about his origin and his adoption …Somehow he felt it in his gut that Kuncheria was not telling him the truth..But he left it at that .he did not want o anger him .He was his world now .The only elation he had in this wide world. Years rolled by with the subject about his mother or origin ever getting uttered or discussed. Dileep grew up to be a post graduate .He was awarded with a job in the same college where he had finished his post graduation .He was lucky in that sense …. Dileep had one private hobby .Private, because he never said about it to anyone other than Kuncheria. Painting…That was his favorite pastime. .He was so fascinated by the beauty of the nature that he was able to absorb the entire beauty in to his canvas. It was on such a painting session that he started seeing an image amongst the foliages and branches. He could even make out the same face –a face of a lady, with sad eyes and soulful look---Wherever he scrutinized for a moment..It was out of nothing that the image appeared .Sometimes Dileep was apprehensive ...”What was happening to me” he often wondered .May be it was his loneliness getting better of him..Or was he going out of his senses..Oh God! Please don't let anything happen to my senses” He often prayed to ..Because for all said and done ,he enjoyed life .He believed that he was sent to earth on a purpose .Yes everyone was sent to earth on a purpose by some supernatural power we called as God ..So according to Dileep, it was the duty of every human being to fulfill that purpose before going away forever. That was what was termed as natural death. But loosing one's sanity is some thing he never foresaw .So he was apprehensive of such a state of mind. 15

But this time Dileep was certain that he was not loosing any senses .He was clearly drawing out a face from all the objects present in the vicinity. Strangest part of it was that every time he made out a face from the atmosphere, it was always the same face..That was what was surprising Dileep spoke about his strange visions to his dear mentor Kuncheria.It was one evening after the prayer session .The small and not so small children gathered around the chapel for a talk with Kuncheria.it was an usual routine of that charity home.Kuncheria believed in the strange contacts with one and all around him there .The children were never made to believe that they were orphans .Often he told them that they were the real children of God. That was why God took care of them through him. Because a father of the church was in effect the messenger of God … Dileep waited patiently for the session to get over .Then he slowly went to Kuncheria. Dileep was in two minds as to whether to tell him or not. `will he think that I was insane `? Or would he just leave it as if it was an illusion that relayed nothing .A kind of virtual and wishful dejavu.. Any way Dileep decided to discuss it with father … Kuncheria was walking away from him to his room .So Dileep ran behind him and called out to him `Father...”He called ...”Please wait a moment. I want to tell you some thing very strange ...” Hearing the word Strange “Kuncheria looked surprised..” Dileep spoke about his strange visions to his dear mentor Kuncheria. “What did you say Dileep..What was the strange occurrence that you kept to yourself all these time”? Kuncheria did not hide his surprise.” Father...”Dileep was panting from his quick steps.” Please come in to my room .I want to tell you some thing.” “Ok.” father replied and they both walked towards Kuncheria room .As soon as he entered Dileep blurted out his strange visions ...”So in effect wherever I look or what ever I do, I am seeing the same face. I wonder whether there is any hidden message that some unknown force is trying to tell me or show me …”Dileep concluded .Kuncheria was flabbergasted .He sat in a very pensive mood for some time .Then he slowly told Dileep” Son. I wonder whether it is time for me to tell you the truth about your parents ….”Dileep looked up suddenly” what did you say, father?. Why..? Haven’t you told me about it already?...

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Dileep was anxious and looked on imploringly …Kuncheria sat still for a moment as if he was uncertain.. Then as if on cue, he asked Dileep to show him in drawing the image that he is seeing on atmosphere ….With that father walked away from him.. Dileep was not able to sleep that night …Father Kuncheria had told him some thing that was gnawing at his heart .What was there to tell about his parents ..As if he had not told me the truth or the complete truth …He turned and twisted in his bed .Then he slowly got up and went to the window. There was lovely full moon beaming at him from the sky. How beautiful the night looked .Star studded beauty. That was how he saw the sky .It looked as good and decorated as a bride .Then suddenly he started seeing those outlines .The outlines of his vision next to the moon..It was looking down up on him .He formed it from nothing, a kind of dark circle outlined it .When he blinked his eyes once, the vision disappeared for a moment .But appeared as soon as he stared .The moon looked as if it was giving it a clearer form …Dileep ran to his table and took a blank paper and a pencil. Then he again stared in to the place where he saw the vision of that lady…How was it possible to form a face.. And that too the same face over and over again .Is there some thing called supernatural force? Dileep was starting to get frightened..But he had to delve deep in to this matter . So he sketched out whatever he saw there vividly .Then he shadowed it and made it look real .The outcome was astounding .It was the face of a woman with large eyes .There was such a depth in those eyes that ,it looked as if it would move and blink .so lively were those eyes The face was striking although not beautiful . A stern face of a sad looking woman .Dileep felt a kind different wave of emotion passing through him ….He went to the fridge and took a glass of water and drank it .He felt that he had enough for that night .Even other wise it was late in to the night .2`o` clock !!!What an unearthly hour to be awake, with an illusion!!! Dileep went to bed and tried to sleep . He woke up hearing the church bell. He looked at the time piece near him .5`o`clock!!So that meant he had slept for 3 hours .That was better than not sleeping at all .He got up and went straight to father’s room .Kuncheria was having a steaming cup of tea.” Good morning, son. .Did you sleep well”? 17

Kuncheria tried to make light of the situation that was prominent between them.”Good morning father. .Here is the sketch of the illusion I see on the atmosphere ...” Saying thus he showed the paper to Kuncheria. Kuncheria looked at that image for a long time .then slowly he raised his eyes .and looked at Dileep,as if he was seeing him for the first time ….Then he got up from his chair and came and stood near Dileep .And with some difficulty he chose the words he was about to utter “Dileep I don't know whether I am doing the right thing .But I feel ,I have to tell you this …now .Because the picture you have shown me has a strong resemblance to your mother !!”with that Kuncheria looked straight at Dileep…..The time stood still .There wasn’t a single sound from either of them .Kuncheria was waiting and so was silent .Then Kuncheria told him the real truth about how he got him.” Dileep ,your mother brought you to me ,when you were just two years old ..It was rainy night and all were asleep early .But I was not .I was reading a book. it was then I heard the anguished cry or rather a call of a woman .She said nothing .but gave her child to me and said “father I am giving my son to you .so that at least he would get a better life .please do take are of him .”With those words she ran in to the rain and disappeared in to the darkness .Dileep was astounded and hence was not able to speak …Slowly his eyes began to well up …and he choked “father but how come I got these illusions ?I don't at all remember ever seeing her “”How can you ,son” you were just two years old when she gave you to me “But some unknown force is calling .May be she is yearning for you .May be it is that motherly instinct in her that is doing all this magical work .Yes ,Dileep ,there are so many untold facts there out there .We are just puppets of that force .Just flow with the tide ..” Kuncheria stopped his volley of words and looked up and he held Dileep close to his heart for a moment. Then with out looking back he walked away from Dileep … Days and weeks passed by with nothing significant happening about that incident .Dileep stopped his private hobby completely. He wanted to paint nothing .A kind of disinterest dawned on him whenever he took his brush and paint .If at all he brought himself to paint something with an added effort, then the image of that lady ,his mother came alive in front of his eyes. Many times he asked Father about it .But Kuncheria was certain that it was the face of his mother .Because it was seldom that a mother would walk up to him with her own newborn and then ask him to adopt him .Because she was a destitute. 18

From one angle Kuncheria was able to justify her actions .May be she wanted her son to be happy and healthy and secure ,even if he was kept away from her .Even if she would never find her again .Because that was the custom of that orphanage .The children, when once given for adoption ,would loose all touch with the person ,who had given the child there .Even if it was the child’s parent .Because the moment it was absorbed to the orphanage ,it looses the relation ship with the outer world .It would be the manager of the orphanage who would decide ,where the child should belong to …But in Dileep`s case it was different .It was his own mother who had brought the child to the orphanage .Kuncheria was surprised and angry at the same time but he showed no ill will because he was able to view the entire incident from another angle .A desperate mother `s anxiety to bring up her child well. It was a kind of sacrifice. It was quite accidentally that a puppy was stranded at his door step on a rainy day .The puppy looked so pathetic and cold .It was wailing uncontrollably .Dileep felt a kind of empathy for that puppy .He saw himself when he looked at that puppy .It was also destitute. Probably, it’s mother too might have kept him here to be looked after well. With these thoughts he took the puppy in his hands and went out to stroll in the street .It was the wee hours of the morning and that part of the village was asleep. But Dileep was in a mood to walk through the rain .So he put on his rain suit and an umbrella and went out with the puppy .Soon the puppy began to wail. On hearing the cry , A young girl came running from the other side of his house ..”Sir...Is this house yours?” she asked..We stay just behind your house .There, near that big building.” Dileep stretched himself to look at the place she pointed to. There was a long building with many windows and doors.” What is that “? He asked “It is an ashram for the poor. This puppy belongs to our madam .I work there .It ran away from my hands while I was trying to lock it inside the room.” She stopped and extended her hands for the puppy .It was the first time that Dileep was seeing such a house there .May be he had never ever noticed it .But he felt it as a very strange thing .He boasted himself to be very observant .Then how did he miss this dilapidated looking building …He went with the little girl to that place .Not because he had wanted to deliver the puppy personally to the madam there .Just out of some curiosity. Because this was a place which was so near to his house .Still he needed a 19

puppy and a little girl to show him it was there .Strange-..Very strange indeed….!!Any way he decided to see the madam .The little girl asked him in and said “Sir are you sure you want to see our madam .She is not a very happy person .She is always sad and so very angry .we seldom converse with her .”Dileep grew more curious ..”Why do you say so? She is the madam of this place .isn’t it? Then it is but natural that she would show her airs around. Other wise you people won’t obey her.” Dileep`s Justification did not hold good for a long time .Because the girl told him that she was not actually the madam of that place “Sir ,,we call her madam because she is quite old -Nearly sixty years ..She is the senior most here .This institution is run by another management .We are all just inmates .The management is not all that concerned about all of us .She sighed.” we are lucky if we are able to get a square meal a day .I work here three days a week .Actually I am not an inmate here. But I have a lot of sympathy for all the inmates here .”The girl was too precocious for her age .That was the thought that swept past Dileep on listening to her ….Any way he decided to pay the` madam` a visit .If possible he had wanted contribute a certain amount to that charity home .Because he knew best ,what it is to be a destitute.. The girl took him inside and went to a dark and dingy room and called “Madam SaraswathyAmma,here is a gentleman who wishes to see you .Actually he had found your puppy .Here it is ’’ girl stopped and Saraswathy Amma slowly got up and turned to face Dileep .Dileep was dumbfounded. He was not able to believe his eyes .My God..What Am I seeing.. He was looking straight in to the live replica of that vision he saw often-The woman with the soulful eyes and disheveled hair-.The woman who had almost always occupied the entire thought process of his …And what was it that Kuncheria had told him on seeing his sketch. That it was the image of his mother .So.. Was this Saraswathy amma his mother???? Dileep felt his head swirling …He did not know what to do or say.. Saraswathyamma looked…She was also a bit surprised at seeing Dileep`s dilemma. She gave him a wan smile and then closed her eyes .Looked as if she was mediating. Dileep mustered up all his will power and asked her “Madam,. why are you so sad .I feel as if you are trying to cover up a lot misery .Is there some thing you want tell, but does not have the will power to say it .”Dileep was trying to extract the truth or at least that is what he felt .But Saraswathy 20

amma disappointed him when she said that she had nothing to hide .She told him that she was born a destitute and was living thus.” You know son it was by some quirk of fate that I chanced to land up here .For that I am thank full to God .Because however measly it is here ,I am safe ..I do have some company too in these girls ...”She concluded .But Dileep was tenacious .How could he leave her just like that .She was the image he had found amongst the atmosphere .She cannot be any one other than his mother .Kuncheria too had confirmed about her looks .So he went on “Madam .Didn’t you ever have a family .I mean, a son or a daughter or a husband?”” No, I had no one “She was stern and looked final. Dileep bid them goodbye and went out of that room .He knew there was no use trying to make her tell those facts which he wanted to hear. But on second thoughts, he felt that it was all a kind of virtual reality. May she was indeed a destitute, with no family .But something prompted him to take up that matter seriously. Dileep went straight to Father Kuncheria and told him the entire incident .He was out of birth by the time he finished ..Father listened ardently and then said to him.” Dileep,I have a picture of you as you looked when your mother brought you here .I shall take it with me and visit that lady .She must be trying to evade the truth . Next day they both went to that orphanage .Kuncheria had a picture of baby Dileep with him. He felt a kind of relief setting in .He foresaw a reunion. It was inevitable…….. The charity home where Saraswathy amma stayed was so dilapidated that, one felt so sympathetic. On reaching the entrance they saw the same little girl sitting there reading a book. Dileep went to her and asked her to take him and Kuncheria to the madam. Saraswathy amma was reading a book in the dimly lit room. “Madam” Dileep called. Here is person to see you .It seems he knows you.”Dileep waited for any reaction from her .Nothing happened.. Kuncheria was standing there transfixed .Even after so many years, he remembered well that face .A mother who was discarding her only child at his door step. How can one ever forget that anguished face .Kuncheria went near her and called “Saraswathy amma ‘Do you remember ever having seen me? try to remember .You had come to my door step with a four year old baby …”Nooooooooo!she screamed ..it was 21

not me ..You are highly mistaken, father.. I never had a child.” But her eyes kept wavering.. Kuncheria was certain now .So he took out that picture of baby Dileep from his pocket and showed it to her.” Now tell me dear, Don’t you remember this face? Saraswathy amma looked once at that picture and started sobbing inconsolably ….”I am sinner.. Yes …I gave away my own flesh and blood to the charity.. But father, I had Wanted the best for my son .That was why …now.. Wait.. Why are showing me all these? What has happened/how did you both find me ? what made you show me this picture ….Remember father, I am the most unfortunate of all the mothers alive .See what God has given me for my sin ..I am a wretched woman with measly means …But what of my son father. Tell me father what has happened?”‘ There was no stopping Saraswathy. Her motherly instincts had never left her .Even in those adverse situations, she had wanted only the very best for her son.. Tears ran freely down her cheeks.. Those sunken eyes had the same sparkle although it was hidden behind so many worries…Dileep was watching all those emotion laden scenes …He said nothing .It was not appropriate to say for or against anyone .He just looked on ………. Kuncheria went to Saraswathy amma`s side and took her hands .Then he slowly brought her to Dileep`s side .Saraswathyamma stopped her sobbing and looked imploringly at Kuncheria.``Dear ,Do you see this young man here ?”Kuncheria was speaking to her as if she was a child.” Yes father what of him?”. ’Saraswathy amma was finding it hard to speak…``He is none other than your son Dileep.It was he who found you” .Kuncheria left the sentence in the middle and slowly moved away .. That old woman `s face began to bloom as if that of a teenager .She started smothering Dileep with kisses …It was a heart renting scene. No words were able to make up for that touching scene. Dileep came to his senses first .He disentangled from her embrace and took her across the long corridor towards his house ..Kuncheria wiped his eyes off that threatening tear…He was happy .. On the way towards his house Saraswathyamma asked her son ...”My dear, how did you find me ..You were too small to have even remembered my existence .Then how come you found me ?”``Mother ‘Dileep said “It is a long and strange story .I shall tell you about it all some other ime .. 22

Thus saying he walked happily, holding his VISION in his arms…… By Sheela ******

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A TALE CALLED LIFE MADHAVAN`S FAMILLY looked happy and comfortable to anyone who viewed it from outside….But that was not the case .To tell about it ,one had to take into consideration his family members .Yes the members were the main impediment……… . Madhavan loved boys .He wanted all his children to be boys. But it was not in your hands to get male children alone .So was it with Madhavan too. His wife gave birth to a bonnie baby. Every one rejoiced in that house hold .Because it was Madhavan`s first child .It had been quite difficult for Kalyani to conceive .As according to the doctors, she was very weak .So it was after a long course of medication and prayers that she conceived .Madhavan`s parents joy knew no bounds. They had thought that they would never live up to see their grandchild. But things shaped out according to their wishes…. Madhavan was not at all happy .Although a child was welcome; he was hoping to get a baby boy. He showed his animosity towards his wife Kalyani, when no one was around” how could you do this to me, you wretched woman ``.He would wail in the privacy of their bedroom .But Kalyani did not know how she could answer him back satisfactorily. So it went on and on till Madhavan grew to like the girl….Yes after a few months of ranting and raving, he started to slowly like the little pranks of the baby girl ..She had a name now Madhavi .So that explains how dear that girl had become to him ….Still in the heart of hearts he nursed his craving for a boy. Kalyani was not ready for another conceiving…But Madhavan was adamant .He coaxed her in to another pregnancy .Madhavan knew the tricks of the trade, when it came to forcing a woman to dance to his tunes …Kalyani agreed nilly willy to another pregnancy .But the doctors were against it .They admonished Madhavan to be more careful of his wife’s health .She did not have enough health to bear another child. Madhavan cared two hoots for Kalyani`s health .He was so rude that he wanted just a baby boy and nothing else.” I just don't care what the bloody doctors are saying about my wife’s health deteriorating. It is her duty to give me a boy.” That matter was closed with his ranting thus often.

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With in a matter of ten months, Kalyani became pregnant and gave birth to twin girls. Total bedlam broke out in that house hold. Madhavan`s old mother tried to pacify the situation.” She once advised Madhavan “Madhav, It is not yours or your wife’s fault that she is giving birth to girls ...It is how her constitution is. You can’t blame her for that “Madhavan was seething from inside .He was not willing to hear out his mother. Three girls in a stretch. What have I done to get such a big burden`` Madhavan often cried to himself…. A few years passed by thus .Madhavan was the worst father to the three children .But some how or the other; he was fond of the eldest girl. No one understood his psychology behind that. Her name too denoted his affection and special place for her in his heart. The second child Mayuri was the best looking among the three .The third was Mallika .Although she was younger to Mayuri by only a few hours, she did not look half as pretty as her twin. Madhavan hated her most .He showered his animosity about his female issues on that girl alone.” Mallika “he used to shout often..``Where have you kept my pen ``? At other times it would be ``Mallika. You wretched girl, what have you done with my shirt.’ Then followed a volley of swearing and bad words...Some times it ended up in tight flogging for that little girl. Everyone knew the real culprit to be either Madhavan himself or the other two girls .But no one sided Mallika .Kalyani was a silent spectator to all those melodrama .She too wasn't overly protective towards poor Mallika . Mallika found the days longer and nights shorter .Because days had hordes pain and trauma in store for her .She often prayed to God to help her get a release from all these lashings, both physical as well as verbal..`Are they really my parents “She often asked her uncle Bhaskaran .Bhaskaran was her father’s younger brother .He was not at all like his brother in nature .More so when in matters concerning Mallika. He knew the trauma the girl had to undergo …But he was a silent spectator to everything .Bhaskaran was living alone although he was married .Till date he has not told anyone about the reason why his wife went away .If confronted with a question about his self imposed bachelorhood, he would say that “Santhamma was a good woman .But I was not .I troubled her a lot because we were not able to get a child .The fault was with me .But I saw to it that the blame was always on her .She got so tired about all the bitching she had to suffer, that she went away ……yes ..I was the 25

reason why she went away.” Thus saying he would stop and heave a sigh. The onlookers would feel pity for him. Once on hearing this reason ,his best friend Raghavan asked him” Bhaskar, You very well know that the fault was with you and that you had unnecessarily harassed your wife .If you realize that much ,why don't you break the ice and go and call her ?”To that all that Bhaskaran would give was a long sigh…He never answered to that …So no one asked about it ever again. That way no one knew what the real reason why Santhamma went away …One thing every one knew .That was , Bhaskaran was a die hard gambler…. Now Bhaskaran was regretting all those past doings .He was a changed man now .Even he was not aware of a rogue hiding inside him now. That was how it was … One Sunday Bhaskaran decided to go to his brother’s house...It was with a purpose that he was planning to go there .He was aware of the fact that Mallika was ill-treated there .That was the main reason for his present visit.. “What a pleasant surprise Bhasku” Madhavan greeted him with a wide smile. ``I thought you had forgotten the way to my house? Madhavan was all complaints ...”No brother, I had been to your house last Friday .But only Mallika was here’Bhaskaran purposely did not tell him about Mallika`s grievances…He knew that ,if at all he said anything ,,Mallika would have to bear the entire burden of it .. Bhaskaran and Madhavan talked about many things …Lunch was served and he asked Mallika to sing a song for him.” But how did you know that Mallika could sing “Madhavan was wondering …``I am sure you have never heard her sing ...”Madhavan was looking at his brother ``No brother, you are mistaken .I have surely heard her sing .Remember the other day when I came here. You people had all gone out, leaving the girl here alone. When I came in I heard Mallika hum. And It was perfect.” He stopped …``Ok …agreed .She sings well .But what is the use of having three girls in a family .One is more than enough..” Madhavan started to complain. It looked to Bhaskaran as if he was trying to do away with his second and third children. As according to Mallika, she was the most hated person in that household .And her sole crime was that she as born a girl the third time over .As if it was all her making … Bhaskaran had come there with his mind set on an idea. This was the best time to tell it .So he blurted it out to his brother “How about giving Mallika to me .I 26

shall bring her up as my own daughter .The little amount I have as saving shall automatically go to her after my time .You can simply forget about her then .I know you like her the least .” Madhavan was happy. But he was clever enough not to show that .He pretended to be thinking for a while .Then he decided to agree .The decision was not at all a hard one as he had already decided on it . Mallika`s joy knew no bounds .She never expected that Bhaskaran uncle would take her away from her loathsome house .Even her sisters were not very friendly with her .They all expected too much of menial jobs from her .How could that be as she too belonged to that house .If at all she said about her birth rights, she would have had to wind up that day with out food or water .That was how much she was accepted in her own house hold … Life with Bhaskaran was a changed atmosphere altogether for Mallika. Because she was given a lot of importance from day one.. Bhaskaran saw to it that Mallika was in need of nothing. Every thing she wished was always available there……… Life started getting a meaning for Mallika .Early mornings were no longer sleep laden and taxing .She did not have to sweat and toil in the kitchen .Yes in her own house hold she was considered as a slave. Her twelve year old mind was not able to understand the depth of animosity her parents felt for her birth as a girl .Because that was beyond her level of thoughts… She was basically a studious child .So there wasn’t any need for any special tuition for her .Still Bhaskaran kept a lady teacher to support her with any subject she found hard to understand in school .Bhaskaran was a loner since his wife’s departure from his life .Mallika was aware of the undercurrents that had happened in his life .She also knew that Bhaskaran wife had remarried and was living happily some where. Poor Bhaskaran Uncle ‘she often thought .Because in her eyes he was the personification of love and affection. Days swept by giving way to months and months flew past making way for years…..Mallika was now a girl of eighteen .It was not as if she missed her parents .But they came at times to visit her .Bhaskaran was going through a lean period in his life .Because some of his friends cheated him in to starting a joint construction venture .But that was a ploy to dole pout his much saved funds .Bhaskaran`s miserly ways were a kind of spoke for his friends

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.Whatever it was ,he was in deep financial obligations now .Mallika was needing a lot of money too now for her higher college education . So Bhaskaran decided to approach his brother Madhavan for some money .After all Mallika was their child. Madhavan`s reactions on hearing about Bhaskaran`s downfall was just the opposite to what Bhaskaran had ever imagined ..”Didn’t I tell you or rather warn you that she was doomed .She would never ever bring anyone any goodness .But you seemed so fond of her .That was when you started to dig your on grave .Now you have dug it. You can lie on it .don’t ever feel that I am going to help you .It would only back lash on me. Get that wretched girl out of your system. Then you would prosper “That was how Madhavan lashed back at Bhaskaran ..Hearing these outbursts, Bhaskaran was aghast .So much venom. And that to towards his own flesh and blood … He did not wait there further .Because there wasn’t any use.. In truth it was not the crumbling of his construction venture that had done the damage .It was his overzealous gambling ways that had made him a bankrupt… He walked back as a dejected man from his brother’s house .But how was he going to make money for all the financial cruxes. Sooner or later there would be a line of cut throat financiers at this door step… That night Bhaskaran retired to bed early .But the did not sleep .He listened to the different sound around the house .He was able to hear Mallika humming softly while she was cleaning all the dinner plates .By the time Mallika was big enough to do all the household chores ,she had insisted on sending away the servants .Because she wanted to be of some help to her dear Bhaskaran uncle .So the least she could now do was to cut short on the servant expenditure .She was only too happy and willing to do all the work .She enjoyed it … Sleep was evading Bhaskaran .Because a kind of wicked idea was taking shape in his mind. The financier to whom he owed a large amount of money was diehard womanizer. Young girls were his weakness. His love for this opposite sex was very famous around all his customers .There were some rumors too about how so many escaped his wrath and cut throat interests by presenting him with young and helpless girls .and now it was Bhaskaran`s turn…he was thinking deeply .Madhavan had called Mallika a doomed birth .His experiences too 28

were proving to be very supportive of that comment .Was Mallika really a doomed birth ?He knew in his subconscious he was trying to justify a vileful action that he was about to commit .Yes ..he was planning to sell her to that lecherous financier and thus escape from his wrath .It would save him.. Bhaskaran`s real self was popping up its sick head .Actually This was one of the main reason why he had opted for adopting Mallika .He understood very well that there wasn't a single soul who would ever try to find fault with him, if at all he did some thing unworthy and forbidden with this girl .His good behaviors and over concern were all a sham. This was the real Bhaskaran. Bhaskaran got up, decided ...”Malli”He called softly.” Why are you up ,dear Don’t you think it is high time you went to bed “His villainous mind was reveling .He ew he had her where he wanted her .Because very often she told him how much she wed her happiness to him .She was ever ready to do anything for him …Poor Mallika.. ow little she knew her mentor!! .When she meant that she was willing to do anything r him ,she never dreamt that he would ever ask her to oblige him in any forbidden ay .That was a thought that never passed her mind ..Because that was not a natural ought.. That night passed peacefully .With Mallika sleeping soundly and Bhaskaran making calculations and decisions. Next day morning Bhaskaran went out early .He told Malli not to wait for him for lunch .Because since college leave, she had a nature of waiting for him to join her for lunch .She was on her annual leave. Bhaskaran went straight to his financier .Ajaml Khan. That was his name .He roared as soon as he saw Bhaskaran”What brings you here? Have you brought the interest money with you, rascal’? There was n`t any stopping his volley of bad words. “Sir, this time more you should excuse me .But listen carefully .I have a very good option instead. for you .When I reveal it, you would never ever ask me for interest money ...Yes. I am telling you the truth …”Bhaskaran stopped with a cunning look. “Come on tell me ...What is it that you have in store for me “Ajaml Khan was a changed man now ...That was how his eroticism worked. Every thing was decided .Yes the deal to sell Mallika was decided .Ajaml was the happiest man alive now..

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Bhaskaran went home with a set of decisions .He knew it would be a child’s play to deal with Mallika .She was innocent .Why had he brought her up so well ,if she was not for his use …. Even her parents had discarded her .It was he who had given her a complete life .So she should naturally obey him. That Odious man was trying to justify his actions. Unaware of all the undercurrents, Mallika prepared lunch for Bhaskaran and served him .Then she sat with him and started to eat .It was then that Bhaskaran broke the silence.” Mallika .there is a person coming here for dinner .He is very dear to me .So you should serve and treat him well.. Ok?”`` Ok, uncle “Mallika replied immediately. Evening set in and Bhaskaran went out with a promise to return fast .By 7`o` clock ,Ajaml khan arrived .Bhaskaran had already told her about Ajaml .So she ushered him in to the sitting room .After the initial formalities, she went inside to prepare the tea and also the dinner .She served him the tea and went in .It was then Bhaskaran came .”Oh Mallika I am so sorry I was late.” With that he asked her to go and sit with Ajaml...”But why Uncle. I shall prepare dinner .You go and sit with him.” NO” It was rude shout from Bhaskaran “``He has come to see you ‘Now it is your duty to do the needful.’ Please him .He would free me from all my financial obligations …Now be a good girl and do as I tell you .Why do you think I brought you up so well. Be of some use to me. Even your parents regards you as doomed. And by your life you are proving to be thus to me too .Now listen. You can save me from all the troubles. Just be a good girl and do as Ajaml khan asks you to do…” Mallika was thunder struck. She was not able to utter a single word .Was it her own dear Uncle who was speaking to her like this? She was not able to believe her ears. ``Were all these years of love and care, a sham?’ So after all she was just an object to be sacrificed in the altar of Bhaskaran`s pleasure and gains! Mallika wanted to scream..She felt as if her legs and hands had turned in to jelly …she was completely shattered .Was there no such thing as love and care in this world “she mused .Or was it all denied to her …Oh God Why was I born at all. Was there no one who craved for her or whom she could trust and love whole heartedly … ‘She started to cry ...But her tears were falling on spiteful grounds. Those tears had no value there..``Now that is enough.. Don’t overdo any thing. I haven’t asked you to do something out of the way .For all 30

the amount of attention I had showered on you, it is just a small favor I am asking out of you ..No one would ever know what went about in this room …It would be just three of us …”Bhaskaran`s sound was taking the tone of a plead. But she knew that he was seething from inside. He wanted her to oblige and dance to his tune …And he was fully drunk too.. ``No…uncle don't ask me to do some thing which I hate doing. I never expected you to be so rude. Have you no heart .For all that has happened In my life in the past, is this the reward you are giving to me. I would have been better of sweating and toiling in my own house .At least they would not have done this heinous deed” …..Mallika had already started to weep uncontrollably between her words...Bhaskaran was loosing patience too .He did not want to disappoint Ajaml khan …Disappointing him meant that he would be again victim of his wrath .This time double fold … Mallika did not think twice …She ran out of the house into the darkness .Bhaskaran started to run .But Ajaml Khan appeared in the door way and prevented him from following her .’You fool. What have you said to her..? Is this the way to coax a girl in to such an act..? You should not have revealed every thing to her. You are drunk and hence out of your senses. You have spoiled the entire set up .Now you would have to bear the result”. With those words he swept past Bhaskaran in to the gate and got in to his car and drove away . Bhaskaran was devastated. He now realized the folly he had done .Yes Ajaml khan was right .He should not have revealed the reason why the Khan was here, to Mallika .He should have slowly prepared her for the event .That way she would not have been able to escape just like that. Now what has he done .He has gained the wrath of Khan and has also lost the` golden goose `…..Mallika would have been a fine bait for all his lecherous financiers in the future ….Some how he had to find her .He decided .He knew that his life was now in great danger either way… Mallika did not stop running till she came to a busy road. It was a traffic signal junction. She took the road towards the railway station. As she felt that road to be slightly familiar. She ran as fast as her legs could take care. There were some strollers staring at her in surprise. But fortunately nothing unforeseen happened till she came to the station...

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Some train had just come in. So there was a huge crowd of people in the railway station .Hence no one noticed a wayward young girl rushing about sobbing … Mallika was still not able to come in terms with what had happened to her life just a few moments ago .Wasn’t she preparing to go to bed after a lively dinner with her uncle and his friend Ajaml khan.” Then why was she here, crying and fretting.. Mallika sat in a secluded corner in the ladies` waiting room .She wanted to regain her composure .People were busy with their own affairs .Mallika stopped crying and looked about her .She felt as if she was the only person with no one to call as hers. There in that station so many were moving past her looking anxiously about for their dear ones .Everybody had somebody to love .Tears started to well again ..She decided to find a solution for her life .She did not want to thank her life for giving her the life she despised.. Life had in fact cheated her .So why should she be grateful to it and continue to live? Her wounded soul started to reason in a very philosophical way .This life was not worth living .Even her parents had dubbed her as doomed .And the person whom she considered as her world had just tried to capitalize on her looks .He wanted to save his life by sacrificing her life .So that meant that her life was not meant for her .But for satisfying some lecherous devils. She decided to end her miserable life .A life that had no meaning even for herself…whatever she wished turned back against her.. May be she was indeed doomed .She did not want to think so .But her life was now making her feel so …. She sat brooding over her miserable life … She did not know when she fell asleep .But when she woke up with a jolt, it was still dark.. She looked at the clock that was there near her side on the wall .It was 3`0`clock..She got up and walked towards the door .Almost every one were asleep .No trains were coming in too .So she walked towards a coolie, who was awake .He was smoking a cigarette.” Sir, when is the next train coming through this station?” She enquired ...”where do you want to go ‘? Was his doubtful reply .He felt it very odd that a young girl was asking about no particular trains. But just about any train that would pass that station …But he did not bother .As he was very tired and was in the process of getting some sleep … 32

So he said “I think there is one coming over from south within half an hour ….’’With that he warded her off . She ran towards the direction from which that train would arrive .She was not certain. Still she ran .There were some people waiting at platform No 4 for a train. So she ran towards the further end of that track, which would bring the northbound train. She moved further in to the darkness towards the track .Soon she reached a spot where there was just enough light for her to see her surroundings. It was a full moon day. Lying on the track with her head on the rails was a very frightening thing. But she did not budge .Because the life that would other wise await her would be more frightening … She lay there silently turning her head at times to see whether the train was approaching. It was such a new experience. A shiver ran through her..She thought back about all those wildest happenings in her life that had made her come to this railway track. It was not as if she wanted to end her life ,because she was a coward .She knew that no one was wishing her well ,if she lived .So what was the point in loosing her self respect and chastity to a set of selfcentered ruthless men ?Her life was not meant for giving satisfaction to some one else ,at the risk of her own happiness….her thoughts were in a kind of rollercoaster ride with so many ifs and buts…..and she was loosing patience and was also afraid that she was loosing her extraordinary courage to lie there awaiting her death .There was nothing she had out there in life waiting to make her happy .Death was better ..Thus pondering she lay there … After some time she turned her head to one side to peer in to the oncoming dawn, for an approaching train…Then she saw a pair of eyes looking in to hers from a few feet away from her …It was another person with the same fate.. a fate of awaiting for death. That person was a young man…He was also looking her way. Their eyes met for a few moments .Time stood still for both of them .Their eyes spoke and enquired so many untold things.. Suddenly they both got up simultaneously, as if some guiding force forced them to do so … He was the first one to break that pregnant silent ...”What brings you here ‘.He asked her “The same occurrence that brought you here “...She answered defiantly..”No, girl. Please don't ever try to take away your life for simple and mundane things .I know you would not like me to admonish you .But I am saying all this out of care and concern for you ..’He paused for a moment then 33

continued suddenly” My case is different . You don't know the traumatic happenings in my life. My death is the only solution to so many problems. That is why …I know you are being impulsive and taking this drastic decision …Dear, Life is for the living.. Leave my case.. You go back to all those dear ones who are awaiting you. They would forgive you.” Mallika was burning from inside with sorrow and anger.. But she was controlled, when she answered him” How little you know of my problems .Why do you feel that I am ending my life for a trivial cause .No ,friend. Just as you said ,my life is my misfortune .I would be free of so many problems ,if I end it .Besides I have no one dear or near awaiting my home coming .In fact there isn’t a single soul who is missing me at the moment `With those words she started to weep softly ..Mallika knew there was no use of any tears when she had decided on ending her life..Tears are for those who wishes to live differently.. Then as if on cue, he got up from there and went and sat very close to her and took her hands in his and said “You have a problem and I have a problem ...But we can together diffuse those problems .After hearing about the reason why you are ending your life ,I feel that the worst thing in life is loneliness and loveless existence .But why can’t we give life a second chance .I can help you forget your problems. imilarily I am sure you can help me love life again ..”Saying thus he took both her hands in his and looked lovingly in to her eyes. His face was just an inch away from hers .He looked deep in to her eyes .He saw a deep longing there .A longing to belong..Looking in to her eyes he felt that his problems were so minimal .He felt he had to live to give her back all that what she needed. He spoke ever so lightly “Dear ,we have a whole lot of our life together …I am inviting you in to my life now .Here at the break of this dawn, I promise you I shall make you a very happy person….Besides I need you in my life .A life which I had nearly thrown out’’. Saying thus, he got up .Mallika felt as if she had come to some ultimate happiness .She saw that genuine love in his eyes .Yes he was wanting to live after he saw her .It was a moment of truth and real love .A person who had wanted to die ,was willing to live for her ..Oh God …what a divine experience!!!!. Mallika did not think twice .She went in to his inviting arms and he held her close. So close as if he would never ever let her go ..’’One day we shall tell about all our bad past to our children and then we can laugh it off together as if it were all a nightmare..’ He said in to her ears …………… 34

Thus with her head resting on his shoulder and his arms around her, they drifted past that railway line in to their own private heaven on this earth. Into a life that God had forcibly given back to them .. As they moved past the railway station, they heard the sound of that northward bound train speeding fast behind them…………! By Sheela

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DOWN THE MEMORY LANE The bus sped fast through the virgin valley and the concrete jungle. The cool and damp breeze brought so many thoughts in to Neelima‘s mind. It was the wee hours of the morning .She had started her journey from Chennai the previous evening. Now she was about to reach her home land …..The land where neither her house nor her dear ones lived .Still she preferred to call it her home land ….She felt so lonely and lost .A myriad of feelings sped past her .That village had so many valuable and precious memories that had a touch of saltish taste …. Saltish because of the tears it contained ….. Memories …they awaken you always whenever you want to forget … … … Chavara was a small village in the southern part of Kerala .Though it was not touched much by the fashions of the jet set age ,it had beauty in heaps .Because nature was always flirting with that place ..The way the greenery grew and spread, no one would feel that this was a remote village .it held many scope for a health resort or a tourist spot .. That was exactly what Neelima‘s father Shankar and his friend George felt. Their business eye caught their attention there and they both saw the possibility of a tourist haven, with all its unkempt and virgin beauty. With the high altitude rocks and trees and many unnamed birds. The forest had so many medicinal plants. George and Shankar were the business partners of a newly started construction venture called’ SHAGO’ ! They were friends since their college days .It was their similarity in the business field namely construction field that made them become closer .After so many discussions and arguments they had decided on starting their maiden venture in Chavara. Neelima was Shankar‘s only daughter .She was twelve years old when they came to Chavara.. But Chavara did not have any good English medium schools .That posed a problem. But George found a solution for that .As his son who was fifteen too had to have a good school to finish his SSLC .They engaged a driver for taking both of them to the near by English medium school . It was a few miles drive to the nearest town where there was a very good school. Joseph was George’s son .He was a very handsome boy at fourteen .He had very good manners and nature .Neelima liked him a lot as unlike many other boys ,Joseph 36

never made fun of girls ..That was a very admirable quality of his .He treated both girls as well as boys in the same manner. Joseph had a special affection for Neelima. His young mind did not register it as love at that time .But he was sure she had a very special place in his heart. They were almost always together after school hours .They went exploring the sparsely crowded streets.. Went to explore the little forest areas ..it was fun and frolic all the way .. There was a local temple there for a Serpent God under the banyan tree .The serpent God and Goddess were considered very powerful by the local people .One day Neelima took Joseph to that Temple. It was also known as “Sarpa Kavu”. “Joseph, if you pray here, all your wishes would be full filled ...it is not just me who is telling thus ...This is the general belief around here .People have experienced uncanny materializations of their wishes ...”saying thus, Neelima‘s closed her eyes and joined her hands and started to pray ..Joseph stood there looking at her transfixed .He was so carried away by her devotion and her belief, that he almost felt that her wishes were getting full filled ..But a thought occurred to him. What was it that she was praying so ardently .He was old enough to feel that she was in love with him and that she was asking gods the permission to sanction their love ..Such naughty thoughts made him smile to himself. Just at that time Neelima opened her eyes and saw him smile to himself ...”What are you smiling about ...”She was really getting annoyed .she mistook his smile for a mockery ...”Don’t play fool with this serpent God ..You would be punished.” She admonished him ‘Even otherwise ,what was so very funny .What I told you was just what we Hindus believe .Why do you want to make a mockery of out believes .” she was not giving up .Joseph knew that she was really hurt .But he also knew that she was mistaken too .But he can’t tell her exactly what he was thinking .that might further hurt her ,if she was not having such romantic feelings about him .Still he decided to give her an inkling about his cause for smile .” Neelima ..” he said “I was not making fun of your serpent god ..on the other hand I do believe all that what you have said .I was thinking about what you were praying ..” He stopped sheepishly ..”What is there to laugh so much about in that.”? She was not giving up ..’Nothing “he admitted “Just that I had a naughty idea ...Any way forget it ..It was not important. I shall tell you about it some other time…” That was settled thus .But he knew he was really in love with her ..Neelima, 37

although very young was also feeling some strange pleasant sensations, whenever she was with him .yes she was old enough to understand the meaning of that feeling. It was Love .. Yes she was already in love with him .She did not want to broach that subject with him.. Because she felt that Joseph would really make fun of her . Seasons changed a few times over.. Neelima was now a seventeen year old girl Neelu bloomed into beauty,Joseph looked smart and handsome at twenty . Their outings alone started getting rare as their parents started putting certain restrictions But their childhood affection for each other had grown in to sincere and passionate love affair. Their parents were unaware of it all. They vowed never to part despite any adversities. But destiny had some thing else in store for them … Shankar and George had long given up on their dream project as there were so many obstacles .The main obstacle came in the form of finance .It was George who had put in the major share of money in their project ..He was so positive about it .But things did not turn up as he had planned .It was Shankar certain clients who had done the major damage .Shankar had brought in a few possible investors .They promised ever so many things and fleeced the project the most cunning way possible ..In short the project had an untimely death all due to Shankar..Or that is what George decided to believe .The truth was that there were some bad planning from George’s side too .But George was a bigot..He did not want to take up any types of blame. Even if it was done by him and he very well knew that .Shankar was aware of his friend’s short comings .So he was magnanimous enough to let it sink .So to an outsider it looked as if Shankar was the reason for the project’s early death … One-day things reached such a position that there were some intense arguments between them. From that day onwards, there was not much friend ship between them … They both discarded their joint venture and drifted apart. The financial misfortune had made their dream Company SHAGO run in to deep waters. That ill luck spread its wings in to their friend ship too .They were no more indispensable factors for each other.. George went his way and so did Shankar. Shankar moved to city ,after selling so many of his properties .He had to keep himself away from all the financial obligations .So selling his family share was the only possible solution .Neelima went Nilly willy from that place ..As she had 38

so many sweet memories attached to it. The thought that she would no longer be able to see Joseph was a kind of ache inside her .she was really at her wit’s end. She knew she was not allowed to speak any thing about Joseph at her house..But she was not able to help her heart’s desire .She wanted him so badly in her life.. Was he too thinking the same way about her. She wondered … The shift to city was a kind of excruciating experience for Shankar .As he never favored city life .It was against his life style. He loved peace, harmony and fresh air. But now village life was unthinkable as there was a nightmare attached to it . So to nurse his wounded nerves, he had wanted a change of scenery .City life was the best option ..That was how he came to the capital city of Kerala ….new surroundings, completely different natured crowd..Shankar was slowly starting to enjoy.. Neelima was admitted in to the college near her new house .One day while her fathered was relaxing in the front room of their house, Neelima slowly approached him and asked in a very meek manner “Dad .what happened between you and George uncle? Why didn’t he at least pay us a visit ..are you both such great enemies all of a sudden/” Shankar looked at her with a lot of pain in his eyes .It looked as if he did not want to remember it at all .Still he gathered some strength to tell her as much “Neelu ,you won’t understand it at all ,there isn’t any animosity between us .It is just that we have decided to drift apart .It is better that way .besides Joseph has joined for MBA in coimbatore .So most probably they might be preferring to be with him “.With that he changed subject .Neelima knew that her father did not want to discuss that subject ever .So she left it at that .But one information she got .Joseph was in Coimbatore . Neelu was unable to concentrate much on her studies. As the thoughts of her love for Joseph kept intervening. Neelu‘s mother got wind of her trauma .Because she was the only person who had supported her love affair with Joseph .But there was no use of bringing up that fact in front of Shankar .He would have objected with nail and tooth. Such was the animosity that was prevailing between the two one time friends. Still Neelu‘s mother decided to bring up that matter to her husband .Because she did not want to dent her daughter’s happiness in any way. That night, while they were in bed Shankar asked his wife “Why are you so 39

gloomy today .I have been noticing since morning .I know all your moods so well. Why what happened.. Don‘t you want to tell me ‘/ What better opportunity than this can come up to put up her decision .”Nothing dear ..I was just thinking.. Why we are not deciding on getting Neelu married away “she started.’Hey ..What is the matter with you...She is just a baby..Let her finish her college .What is the hurry …Or is there some other matter, you are reluctant to discuss.” He was getting wind of some other important matter that was about to come from her…”yes’. she admitted . ‘it is about Neelu‘s love for Joseph .I am sure she loves him .so why don’t we think in that way .””What is the matter with you .. How dare you ask me to agree’Shankar was roaring with anger now ..”Ok ..I take back what ever I have told just now .There is no need for you to get so much angry. This was not a subject which I have discussed with Neelu .I just felt so .that was why I had wanted to discuss with you .But one thing I shall tell you .If you are not agreeing to get her married to Joseph, then it is better you get her married off fast .Let her not nurse her fond thoughts about him in futile ..” She stopped with that and just turned the other way and pretended to sleep .She knew very well that she had set the thinking cells of Shankar agile. Now she was sure that he would find a solution to it fast .the last thing she wished before sleep set in was that whatever Shankar decided up on should be a positive one..But nothing of that sort happened … Years rolled by .Neelima finished her graduation and was bent up on going for her post graduation .But Shankar was not at all agreeable to furthering her studies .It was time for her to get married .Then it happened … Joseph came to that house asking for her hand .He was now a handsome young man of 25. he was also employed in a Multi national company in Bangalore as marketing manager ..He had made with out the knowledge of his father George .Because what is the use of creating unnecessary skirmishes this trip. Because he was sure that that was what the final out come would be if at all he presented his intention to get married to Neelima .But he was also a mind set young man . His love for Neelu had increased double fold with the passage of time .That was why he had decided to approach Neelima‘s fathered .It was not very difficult to find her house ,As Neelima used to e-mail him at times about every thing .Even her love for him . So that day When they saw Joseph at their door step, Shankar was surprised .He did not show any emotion, thought .Joseph straight away went to the catch 40

..He said “can You please allow me to make Neelima my wife. Uncle?”………….Then all hell broke loose. A total bedlam. All the pent up fury and desperation which Shankar was feeling about his misfortune that befell him ,came out in a gush ….It flew out as exasperation and as a torrent of harsh words .He was reacting as if Joseph was not Joseph ,but his father George …!!!!Poor Joseph was flabbergasted .He was not prepared for such a tumultuous reaction from Shankar .As for Neelima..That day devastated her completely. Her ivory dream house fell apart . Joseph called to her..To walk out with him .But Shankar threatened her with the worst calamity, if she did so … At last after a lot of emotional trauma, she sacrificed her desire, to save her father from a catastrophe. That night when every one was deep asleep she rang up Joseph and asked him to come near the mango tree at her back yard .That was the tree, beneath where they had spent a lot of beautiful moments .Joseph was waiting for her when she came out stealthily. The moon lit night too looked woebegone, just like their minds. They talked deep in to the night .then at last on mutual consent they decided to part .Because both of them did not want the curse and ill will of their parents.. Neither did they want to consummate their love in guilt and rejection. Joseph drifted far away from her life …………..Neelima was married to Prakash ,a site engineer of her father1s choice . Years rolled by .with the monotony of a love less marriage for Neelima. Because in the beginning itself Prakash‘s sexual perversions were made very conspicuous to Neelima . He found happiness in hurting and molesting Neelima physically and emotionally .It was the mental agony that was getting more and more excruciating with the passage of time. Although Prakash had no parents, he sometimes took up the role of a rude mother in law, with Neelima . Like making her do all the menial house hold chores .then late he would grumble needlessly. He was indeed a gone case of perversions and psychological perversions. Neelima often tried to justify his rude behavior and attitude towards her .As Prakash had a loveless and lonely childhood. His parents had both died in a motor accident .Thus Prakash was brought up by a bachelor uncle. Though Prakash was monetarily affluent, His affluence in good habits were very limited or rather nil. Neelima suffered each day …Joseph often came up in her mind 41

teasing her playing with her .and even making passionate love with her .She felt so happy at those virtual dreams. She regained full vigor to face the reality after such fine thoughts. But how long could she survive like that ? She was diminishing her vistas of happiness to a mere dream….A dream that could have been a reality, had she been a little more rash and selfish in her decisions. Instead she gave her parents the priority at the risk of her own private happiness. Prakash did not like babies. Not even a baby of his own flesh and blood .He had an entirely different version to justify his views ...”They just a biological process that sprouts out of a human being due to lack of concentration ..”That was what he had to say about the conceiving of a child. Neelima‘s motherly instincts were often singing lullabies to her unborn child. Oh God! What had she done to suffer so much heart burns her one foolish step destroyed her love and life ..Where was Joseph now? After her marriage to Prakash she never heard any thing about him … That beautiful little house at Chavara ,that shady mango tree at the back yard and the loads and loads of sweet memories that she had experienced there often came alive I her memory. Every thing seemed like a dream now …changing those dreams she reached a nightmarish reality ………she did not wish to live …what was the use of living out a loveless and painfully discarded life ? She took the final decision She decided to go back to Chavara ..To that little house , where she lived once happily .Under that mango tree where so many of her dreams materialized. ….She wanted to end her life under that tree..That was her wish ...So she set off on her final journey ………. The bus came to halt some where near Chavara. She enquired to a lady sitting near her , how far it was to Chavara . That lady told her that any moment they would reach there e. On hearing that Neelima‘s heart gave a happy lurch, as if she anticipated a longing to relive her past. ….. Chavara looked a little different and changed by the concrete houses that had sprouted around it, since the last time she was there .That was ten long years ago. Ten years of agony, pain, and conflicts … Now she had departed from Chennai and Prakash.,with strong dose of poison.!! Yes .Neelu wanted to rest her head on that mango tree ,when she breathed her last . Reminiscing al that golden moments .seeing vividly a glory that once was her own private heaven. A glory she let go off her hands knowingly. ….. 42

‘Oh! Joseph, where are you ??I am so tired, my dear …Tired of thinking about the misery I brought to you …to me …. Forgive me, my darling..Let me go..”…..Her mind kept repeating thus as she got down from the bus and took an auto rickshaw straight to that house that once was hers… On reaching there she found that house shut and lonely..However, one window at the front was a little ajar. She could see no one around. Still she felt as though she saw a moment inside. But since her purpose in coming there was different, she did not knock at the front door. Instead, she went to the neighborhood house. The previous tenants had shifted. The new occupant told her that, her house had been for sale for quite some time and that some one had bought it the previous week. That was all they knew, as the house remained lonely and silent since then. What a golden opportunity to carry out her purpose in visiting that house. To die under her favorite mango tree with no hindrance …… She moved away from there and went tin to the streets to while away the time. She browsed around to capture her golden past.. Dusk set in and she slowly walked towards her house It looked spooky in the oncoming darkness. Slowly she opened the gate and went towards the backyard. Every thing looked the same. She went straight to her mango tree .No one was around .Even if someone was inside, that person .she was sure, paid no heed . Night set in. She too the bottle of poison out said a silent prayer …Ten her lips mumbled “Joseph: just once ...then slowly ...very slowly she closed her eyes for a kiss that would never come She whispered “Joseph” just once more .This time with all the longing she felt for him….Suddenly she shuddered Her cold and trembling lips felt the warmth of another pair of lips ..Smothering her with passionate kisses…..A very familiar sound was calling her name ever so softly between the kisses..” Neelu…my precious darling …!” Neelu sat bolt upright .she opened her eyes wide with a shiver. In addition, saw Joseph’s eyes looking deep in to hers. She pulled away from him and cried aloud ‘Joseph”…….yes it was him alright..’ What are you doing here, my darling? are you real or am I dreaming ?’She was breathless when she spoke thus ...”I am real, my darling ‘Joseph consoled her …”I have been watching you from inside the house, the moment you stepped in .For it was I, who bought this house ‘… Neelima fell over his shoulders and embraced him to her heart’s content 43

…Opening wide the gateway to her golden future beside her beloved … Yes. She had gone down the memory lane in to her colorful future …! FEATHER TOUCH Rajesh would have been a handsome man had he not been physically deformed due to a major accident. Yes he had wide and expressive eyes and a beautiful smile with a firm look. But not now.. Now he was just a semblance of human look on his face .His eyes were the only organ that escaped a fire mishap that occurred due to a slight carelessness of his mother.. When any one asked him about that incident, all he would say is that “my mother was lucky .she till looks the same “nothing else .so no one was able to find out whether his mind was full of remorse or venom…some came to the conclusion that he was a recluse all because of his appearance .It was hideous from one angle and pathetic from another .Rajesh bore it all in his stride .Because he was afraid to kill himself!!! Rajesh was a very intelligent man ...He had inherited that too along with his bad luck .His mother was a symbol of strength for him when ever he would feel down and out ..Now she was no more thus. She was always complaining and cursing. Some thing happened to her mental state after that incident.. ..That was the main worry for that poor young man. Whenever he was not thinking about his bad looks, he would curse his fate that landed him with that hideous appearance. And an indifferent mother It was a rainy day and mother was busy making some food in the kitchen...it was then she called to him “Raja…what will I do now as the gas is over and the delivery man has not yet brought the second cylinder ...See, I had asked you ever so many times to go and enquire …as usual you have forgotten it this time too” Now she would not stop..Rajesh knew that .yes...he was at fault .because it was his mistake that he had not enquired. so he went in to the kitchen and mother was fuming there with anticipation of some thing unknown “I know you had told me that .amma ..However, I forgot about it in my tension in the bank .there was some kind of embezzlement there and we were all questioned. I was completely in that thought process ...””Now don’t tell me some lame excuses supporting your absent mindedness. Now days I have seen that you are more of a recluse than an active person, it is high time you decided what you want to do 44

with life. Mother was talking to him as if it was because of his mistakes that he was a recluse.. Nevertheless, it was not so. She knew it too .but being his mother she was trying her maximum to divert him from that bitter facts. Yes, they were indeed so bitter that she was not at all in a state of mind to relive it all. That was the cursed day that had changed her son’s life for ever.. That day was a Tuesday. It started off as any other day. By 10 ‘o’clock in the morning Janaki realized that she had run short of gas .and they were having some guests too for lunch as Rajesh had got a job in the bank to celebrate the occasion, Rajesh had called some of his close friends for lunch .theirs was not a very affluent family .Infact Janaki was finding it very difficult to run the house with the meager salary she used to get from her small time office assistant job in a private firm ..So Rajesh‘s job was welcome change in to their family. They had so many loans to deal with and so many hand loans too .Rajesh was a handsome young man, with an equally good habits and nature .Janaki often blessed her stars for gifting him to her. But that day changed every thing for both of them.. Janaki called out to Rajesh in despair.” Rajesh.. What shall we do now? We have run out of gas. And I don’t have spare one either..I think we better take out that old pressure stove …” ok mom’ was Rajesh’s prompt reply..While he was in the process of taking out the stove from the top shelf, he asked his mother “mom, are you sure you would be able to prepare all the dishes with the help of this stove alone ..?’ no raja .i would have to light up the fire woods too .not that there are a lot of that here. But I shall do with that for the time being. Just don’t worry son. You just get that stove well pumped and oiled. Then rest assured.. Ok? “Rajesh was happy that his mother was positive about the impending lunch ...Because it was not often that she ever complained about any thing. That was also another reason why she was able to see them through all the turbulent situations … The pressure stove was quite dusty and unused...Still Rajesh cleaned it well and filled it with the available kerosene. And he started to pump pressure in to it ..After a few strokes he felt that was enough and so he lit the wick. After a few minutes the flame started to dwindle. He was wondering what ever was the matter with the stove .so to make things go smoother and faster .He started pumping pressure in to it the flame slicked once, then started to grow up. But the next thing that occurred was unforeseen...That was doom in all its glory .the 45

stove exploded with a huge sound. Probably the stove was not able to take so much pressure or may be it was the unused state of it that was playing the cruel game. What ever it was, the flame that shot up consumed the entire face of Rajesh...He was bent up on the stove when disaster struck. The flame shot up and caught Raja on his face. He remembered just a shout that escaped his throat …Then he lost conscience… Later he found out that he was in a hospital...And he was disfigured... … Rajesh broke from his miserable reverie and started on his daily chores.. Always he wished he had a woman with him pending to all his needs.. More over he was in an age when every man yearned for the company of a young woman. A woman, whom he could love and care for and who in return would love him and make him happy …but Rajesh neither had that pleasure nor a hope ...”Oh God, he often mused.. Why did I survive that mishap.. Is it to suffer alone? That day he reached his office early and there was a lady sitting at the corner bench. She was so pretty that Rajesh was unable to take his eyes off her ..She was so innocent looking too at the same time. But she was not at all paying him any heed. She behaved as if he did not even exist..But since Rajesh was the first to arrive at the bank, he had an advantage of approaching her for enquiring. She slowly got up and said in a sweet voice “Sir ,I am new to this place ..i would like to start an account in this bank .I am also an employee. I am a school teacher ...” With that she looked searchingly at his face. Hoping to get a positive answer…Rajesh was so struck by her physical beauty that he found it hard to speak for a moment. but when he found his voice ,it was quivering …she just smiled at him and moved to the next counter with a kind of sympathetic look …God she must have thought that he was a spastic…Rajesh smiled at his own foolhardiness .This was all due to his craving for a woman’s company ..He was used to so much adulation from the female crowd not so long ago. But now since his mishap, the world had reduced to a dull and lack luster existence. How much he craved for a female company...Why was god so callous to him.. He burnt with such desponding thoughts.. But what was the use. May be he was destined to just dream. But he hoped that some where on the planet, there was a woman meant solely for him.. There was a pleasure in thinking about it all… Rajesh was a lady’s man before the calamity .So it was not an easy task to condition himself to the fact that he was now an object of ridicule .physically.. 46

With such depleting thoughts he spent his days. He was finishing off his life span with utmost patience. But even amidst his pains, he nursed a sweet dream.. A dream in which either existed a lovely looking girl with a lovelier smile specially meant for him ....he knew it would always remain a dream ,whether he wished it or not ..but what is the harm in dreaming even if he knew that it was a dream …things that brought joy to one’s heart was always welcome …. The girl he saw that day in the bank had a semblance to his dream girl .so he started d to get a little more hope full …it was just a shot on the black that she would ever turn his way with such inclination ..But still….. Every evening he went for a walk through the streets of that area. He loved the smell of earth during dusk. It had a kind of enigma…. No one noticed him .but he noticed every one. How happy the world looked from his view point. Every single person he came across was good looking .They had a family and there was a woman and child waiting for every one. Why not him.. Why did he have to become a sore thumb in this world … The fruit vendors and flower women were trying their maximum to rush up their sale? The smell of jasmine flowers emanated through the atmosphere land gave the area a very erotic sensation. No none noticed the sweet scent .every one was busy …he had no place here. His world would exist in his dreams. There he would have people extolling him, loving him and tending to all his needs.There would-be a girl, who would smother him with enough passion to liven up his dreary vigil hours. That was the panacea he resorted to liven up his wakeful hours …that was exactly what he was going to do now.. Sleep was his only solace.. He had an early dinner .went to bed. Tried to sleep… There was a knock at the front door. He listened. Yes it was loud and clear. Who would it be at this uncanny hour? Probably some one from the bank!1he got up groggily and went to the front door there was girl standing there, smiling at him. She looked very familiar …Yes. She was that same girl from the bank. The very same girl who had asked him about starting an account in the bank…”oh, it is you. What brings you here? Please come in. it is so late..And I suppose it is going to rain too .i heard the rumble a few minutes back..She entered the room. There was an intoxicating smell of jasmine flowers. He looked further. She was, wearing a few jasmine flowers. In her hair..But why so much smell from them ...”I am Neena...I am very impressed by you Rajesh...I don’t know how to put it 47

in to words .i might sound very silly if I tell thus...But I have seen you since long time even when you were a handsome guy. But your present look and the comparison with the previous look is only adding to the passion I feel for you …Because I had already fallen in love with you the first time I saw you ..I can’t pin point exactly what I had loved most about you .It is definitely not your looks alone ,,,other wise I would not have been here now …But I love you badly and ,madly “ she stopped speaking … Was he again dreaming, he was not able to believe his good luck. The girl whom he had visualized in just his dreams, was standing before him in flesh and blood and was confessing to him exactly what he had wanted her to confess...” You know Rajesh. Looks are just a passing phase...it is the character that needs to be taken in to consideration…I feel I have known you since long time. You have that kind of an effect on me ...’She stopped her volley of words. They were like honey drops in his ears ….”But he had his own doubts about what she knows about him...Or how can she be so sure about his nature. it can be a vile one too ..But she sounded so confidant. This must be what poets call as poetic justice. Any thing and every thing licensed and true. Her feeling for him must be genuine … Neena slowly came to stand so close to him that she was breathing in to his shoulder. Her smell was intoxicating him...one side of his face twitched...As if he was trying to control a lot of his emotions .what a fantastic feeling it was all. He slowly caught hold of her …and kissed her to his heart’s content. She moaned ever so softly in to his ears. As if she was reveling in the glory of her passion. Time stood still. Just they both existed in the earth. A thunder reverberated some where in the distant and the lover’s found the sublime bliss in each other‘s arms …. He was moaning and groaning and was repeatedly calling to her “Neena…Neena ….Slowly that call became a cry and finally a roar ... And he opened his eyes hearing his own sound aloud…what was happening? Sunlight was seeping in through the drawn curtains …he sat upright .like some one who was hit with a boulder.. What had happened …where was Neena …? Oh my God! Not again.. Was it another dream ….?” He started weeping. It was not out of remorse .But out of self pity. What a fine feeling and a sense of belonging that had developed in him .It was all like a line drawn on the water.. Gone as fast as it was drawn. Tears flowed uncontrollably down his cheeks. All a dream. 48

And just a dream … Slowly he got up. The day was starting and so were his mundane chores...A life that is the reality. A life that is a dream turned sour … Rajesh started making his bed …He placed his pillow in its place .And while he was folding the sheet properly. Some thing felt under his fingers. Some thing feather like. And delicate...He slowly took it from beneath the folds of the sheets...It was a smothered Little jasmine flower!........

49

NEXT TO MY HEART I was a loner. Not by chance .But by choice. However, I was enjoying every single moment of it …The world looked more spacious and more accommodative to me .and I had a very comfortable life style too. So many things to encounter and so many things to explore …the niftiness of the nature .yes! I found the world a playground, where I could play the game of my choice… However, things were not thus a few years back... I was never the master of my world then. Now I was a woman of 35, nubile, youthful looking and unmarried. my friends often praised my beauty. Therefore, I think I was beauty in the conventional sense of the word. Above all I had a very interesting job as a free lance journalist to the magazine Decca Blitz .It was also a leading magazine .I used to cover the scoops and the latest news that circled in the south Indian film industry... Being in Bangalore had its own advantages too. Here the vista of our professional horizon could spread its wings far and wide …...You had to just look around to see an opportunity knocking .That was one of the reasons why I had chosen to stay in this garden city. I have been here since my twenty fifth year. However, the first and the foremost reason why I was here was to be far away from my native place, in the northern part karalla. A small and oldfashioned village blessed with Mother Nature’s whims and fancies. A sedate village with sedentary crowd. Every one relaxed there, as every one seemed happy with what little they did or earned. There rivers flowed, birds sang always and the wind smiled .the people enjoyed the bounty of nature as much as they enjoyed their life! It as in such a peace atmosphere that my fathered made his empire …an empire in which he was the uncrowned king .He was a very influential person and a politician by profession. His name was venue Gopal. People there used to say that Venue gopal was the ‘brain” behind all the political decisions .He had a nick name too...---CHANAKYA…. Venu gopal could change the course of the political climate of kea with, snap of his fingers…he was indeed a veer shrewd man... My father had a very resourceful back ground. Being the only so of his 50

parents, he had inherited a all the wealth of my grand parents. Although all those inherited money was of decent origin, it was getting spent for the most vile full acts and deeds and purposes…! Venugopal was ruthless and reckless and spend thrift. He threw more money to reap more and more .Inshore he had the ball in his court always .!1with the money he owned he bought power. His physical appearance matched his ability. Women were easy baits for him. My mother had no other choice other than to dance to his tunes. I had a brother who rebelled a lot against my father .Still he loved under his roof as he had no guts to forsake all the extravaganzas of the Venugopal house hold .so in turn he decided to overlook his ill will towards his father .I watched in silence the noxious escapades of my father .He ordered things about .My mother was just a glorified servant …… One night I sat with my mother late on to the night. As my father was away on some ruthless assignment, or to be with one of his concubines…Mother just worshipped him .or that was the picture she presented to us . I used to wonder whether my mother was aware of all the bad activities of her husband .his sexual escapades were an open secret of that village. So I was sure mother too knew about it al .so that night I asked her a very adult question .I was twenty two years old .so tether wasn‘t any harm in asking her ‘Mom, are you aware of dad’s loose moraled way of living? He is having so many women friends...Whey don’t you ask him at least once what he is up to ...”? …My mother heard me out .Then slowly...Very slowly, she raised her eyes and looked at me...I saw many emotions flickering past there in those large and expressive eyes. the most predominant of them was sorrow ,that was pent up in her …I knew then that she was quite aware of the private hell she was trapped in .forever and always …She was indeed like a bird trapped in a gold cage .. She had all the material comforts...But peace of mind was a stranger in her life. My mother d sobbing softly...in between her sobs, she told me “Saul know every thing what your father is doing .your father married me solely because he knew very well that I would never ever be an impediment in hiss each for sexual pleasures out side marriage .i cat afford to be. As you very well know , I belong to a mediocre family .My father was a very sick person .so when your father’s proposal came in thru a common friend ,it was more than welcome. We had so many financial obligations too at that time...Because my mother’s disease and the medical expenses and later her demise ,every thigh made dad 51

fiscally and morally defeated person …Besides he had another more daughter .So on the whole ,your father’s proposal was like breath of fresh air in to our household’. My mother heaved a sigh of relief and then continued” we never knew about the negative side of your father, at the time of my marriage to him. But by and by I started to get wind of his high libido and the perfidious nature .twice or thrice I questioned him. However, a scorching glare was all that I had got in return. I knew I was help less. But since I was from a poor back ground ,I chose to suffer in silence .there was nothing that I could go back to “mother started sobbing softly in self pity….I cursed myself for broaching up the subject with her …I went to bed that night with a heavy heart ………. My mother was not the same after that day’s incident .She behaved as if she was finding it difficult to conceal her anguish and distress. She hated eye contacts with me even. Days scrawled by ……….i graduated in literature with flying colours,and immediately tried for a job of some sort. That was how I had landed up with Jaya…. Jaya was running a very successful magazine called “Deccan Blitz”. Her sister was my classmate in school. It was at a temple festival near our house that I chanced to meet her. We exchanged trivialities and then slowly, my disparity to .stand on my feet financially, cropped up. Jay promised to help me some how. Therefore, from that day onwards started working my mind towards my one goal –how to abscond from my father’s vicinity before he got me married to some good for nothing oaf-. That was how I came to the world of working women. It was so different. So refreshing ….As if you have touched the heaven..!! You became the master of your conscience...In this material world money was power-The Money PowerI had that power now. It made me feel so elated... My new job required me to be away from my house. That was how I came to live in Bangalore .My fathered disagreed at the beginning. Later he obliged after a lot of cajoling from my part. May it was not my pleading that did the unexpected. It was rumored that he was undergoing certain political strains and also that he was openly living with one of his concubines. What ever it was, I got the green signal to go ahead. Thus I went to the garden city to relish my freedom….. 52

I knew I would get many opportunities to study further and to soar high in professional fields. So many opportunities were there in the garden city .Life took a roller coaster ride with me. With myriad activates to keep me occupied, outside my job hours. Unlike the village, where elite slumbers at the strike of 10‘o‘ clock, Bangalore never slept….In fact it was then that life came to full swing in Bangalore …every seemed to have some kind of tit bits to do ...like window shopping ,pubs, merry making ,chatting ,drinking ,fast driving and what not. Even girls were out on the road I had rented a three bedroom house with three of my friends from my office .our firm provided the advance and the rent we paid between us. So at last I could be away from my father for good. Still I constantly kept in touch with my mother .She was the silent scope goat of all the audaciousness I showed .She once told me in more than a few words, the verbal harassment she was experiencing from her husband ,all because of my exit. I let it sink in.. You can’t make every one happy always...May be in my case, I was the thorn in my mother ‘s life ...But I knew the verbal lashing would sooner than later would take a back seat ,as he would soon get another factor of more interest .Which would be full of lust and money. Poor Mother..! Days swept by…...I got quite engrossed in my new life .Yes …it was full of bounce and bounty . A life that gave me full opportunity to put in all my mettle. I was meeting so many people ,so many happenings and of course I was traveling to new places almost every day. Journalism at its best. That was how I saw my job… But a nagging pain always persisted at the back of my subconscious mind, in the form of my mother .She was finding it very difficult to adjust with my dad .His escapades were trying to hinder my mother ‘s peace of mind . A few months of contradictions dragged by…things were looking very rosy for me at the job front. But my weekly phone calls to my mother did not have any thing rosy about it. Day by day her mental equilibrium deteriorated. How could my father be so cruel? was there going to be no end to his noxiousness and notoriety? But he was a despicable figure just for us .To the outside world, he was a Demi God.-an indispensable factor…What with his shrewd brain and affluent wealth? A real connoisseur of the first order. A “ Chanakyan” of the modern times…His concubines increased with his charm. Such was his unquestionable charm… 53

One night I was jolted out of my sleep by the shrill ring of the telephone .It was my brother .He mumbled just three words that collapsed tee world around me They were” Mother Committed Suicide”!!!....All the other facts that he sobbed in to the phone remained incoherent to me...as they were immaterial. But I did not have to listen, as I knew the reason that led her to do the drastic. She was escaping from a miserable life.”Oh God!! “Chanakya” had destroyed my mother forever . He had harassed her to an early grave. A beautiful life snuffed out in its prime solely due to his hurting escapades…. That day some thing snapped inside me .I started hating men from then onwards…I knew it was a much exaggerated decision. But I was not able to single out a good male /I developed a mental blockade. I was indeed under a lot strain .Men to me were a set of perverted and ruthless lot .It would indeed take a very long time for me to change this attitude .That is if at all I were to change ……….. Seasons changed many times over …I was now 35 years old .A resilient woman, almost like the proverbial bird Phoenix that had rises from its own ashes. A very cold and calculated woman, who was also a loner.Yes. Loner by choice ……………….. Present tense prodded me out of my reverie with a phone call. I was now ready .to get own with my lonely life … Hosur was a city a bit far away from the proper city. This time I was asked to cover a story about the deserted and raped victims. I had opted out of that initially .Still my boss thought, it would be a challenge for me .So very different from the tinsel world coverage. My boss had high opinion about me. So the very next day itself, I started my journey towards the shelter home that housed the morally hurt women. It was a sprawling area, that housed a lot of karalla style houses. That place immediately brought some mixed feelings in to my heart …I was already aware of the fact that the proprietor of that institution was a Malayalee ,settled in Karnataka. But I was not prepared for what I saw, when I saw him. His name was Tony Alex. And he was some where around the wrong side of forty. He was a very striking personality, with eyes of a saint -Kind and understanding. Sitting down to talk with him was an entirely new experience for me ,as he had so much to tell in favor of those poor hapless women …I liked him instantly .All the more so because he had the greatness to start a place just for women 54

,who were deserted and who were victimized to assaults. That made him a different person from the lot. Even though he was a bachelor, he felt that it was heart warming to help and do social service, as he himself was an orphan since his twelfth year. He was brought up by a kind hearted lady in a small orphanage which she was running all by herself .There he was given good education .from there he had the good fortune to go abroad and work sincerely for a firm ,which paid him well. Coming back ,he had taken initiative to take over his mentor’s shelter home .He had changed that place in to an all women house .It was in fond memory of his foster mother .the home sheltered all the hapless women and their issues ,and also the women chatted by their lovers or husbands . I simply adored Tony Alex. Yes he was different. And so very refreshing too .He was slowly bringing back my lost confidence in men! In fact, he was doing a completely emphatic and altruistic service .He had so much to tell me .I was swept in to a transcendent world with him … His speeches had that kind of mesmerizing effect on me. He knew so well the feelings of the down trodden, especially those women who were trampled over by the male chauvinisms. I collected some very vital materials for an interesting and mind opening article .Yes I had wanted to prove my point to the world .Here was an opportunity that I had been waiting for until now. Tony Alex made it all possible for me. On my way back to my house, my thoughts kept wandering back to Tony Alex. In addition, his philanthropic attitude…Could such finehearted men still dwell along side with my father. Tony was so different. So much poles apart in comparison.. Both my father and Tony were striking looking persons .But there ended the similarities .they were two faces of mankind.- Devil and a saint. .. On reaching my house, I immediately called my boss. The time was then 11 pm...However, I did not mind .I was so excited .She was so surprised at my call at that late hour. But her surprised turned to joy ,when I told her that I had collected enough and more materials for a heart renting article on these women …Yes so many big wigs ,who pose as demure and well mannered set to the world could be exposed .The public would get a first hand information about these masquerades. About the noxious and nefarious nocturnal activities. So many wolves in sheepskin were going to take it hard .Deccan Blitz was indeed going to go places. 55

Although I felt happy and elated at my achievements, I was restless. There was an incomplete feeling to which I was I was not able to put a name in to. That unknown anxiety was gnawing in my conscience. I knew I was thinking about Tony Alex. .But I did not want to admit that .A kind of shunning the reality .Because I was afraid that I was falling in to that age old feeling between a man and a woman. I was shell shocked as I was getting bold in my thoughts about Tony Alex. As the days passed, I started feeling like a woman for the first time . The iron cage I had built around me till now was vanishing. I recalled what my best friend; Neethu had told me once about the joys of falling in love .Love indeed made a human being change to a sober and sweeter person Any way that night I went to bed with a smile on my lips… Far away in a house near the shelter home, at Hosur, Tony Alex too was thinking about Shalini. Love strings were playing a tango for them …. The morning broke out with a bright look and to me the world outside my window looked kaleidoscopic.. What was happening to me? I tried to ward off my soft corner for Tony Alex. Because I reminded my self that he was after all a Man...And I had sworn my self to have nothing to do with Men.. Yes that species that bore ChanakyaVenugopal...! The lot that led my mother to an early grave...However, I was unable to stop my mind’s chemistry. It has been a fortnight since I had last paid a visit to that shelter home and gave myself to Tony Alex and his indisputable charm. However hard I tried to ward him off my mind, the more he came in to my mind capturing my inner most cravings. So I decided to cal him up and reveal my needs .Yes .what is wrong in letting the person concerned to be aware of the fond thoughts about him? I wanted to lay all the cards straight on the table. That way I won’t have any regrets later.. So thus with my mindset, I rang him up. The phone at his house gave two shrills and then a sexy drawl came over the line..It was Tony Alex. I told him Who I was.. And immediately he came alive ,as if he was waiting for my call! Hello ms Shalini..What a pleasant surprise! ..I was wondering what ever had happened to you .How did the story go? Was it accepted well by the readers. I have yet to get the copy of the same. You know here we don’t get your magazine. I will have to go the main city to buy one ...”Thus went the 56

insignificant talks. I knew well that he was waiting for the inevitable...Infact both of us knew that. The moments were so charged that we could both feel its impact … After a full pregnant silent, I mumbled in to the line clear and slow.’ Tony Alex, I called to say one important thing .You know Tony, you are so different from all the men I have come across till now .Your character is so very close to my heart ..In fact I am so impressed by your untiring nature to be an ambassador of the needy women…I am really bowled over by your charms and looks and of course nature. I am sorry, if I am being audacious and out spoken But I always like to call a spade a spade. That is why I revealed what is in my heart …”I stopped. and realized that I had not breathed since then. I was panting .This was a feeling that was so new to me .But it was indeed very refreshing and rejuvenating …I was about to keep the receiver down when heard his voice at the other end .I had nearly given up. I heard him say ‘Shalini…I understand your feelings so well ..Just know this much al those feeling you have for me are mutual. Only difference was that I was unable to gather enough courage to tell you about how I felt about you. As I didn’t know how you would take them. Since you had already told me about your animosity towards al men , for a concrete reason which you have not yet revealed to me ..I Am not probing further too .But now since you have now decided to be different, I have gathered courage ….Yes Shalini..I love you..I loved you the moment I saw you. I knew you were the woman I have been waiting for so long...We have the same aspirations and ambitions .Yes darling ..I love you sincerely …”Tony stopped overwhelmed. I was stunned .This was Love. Love that had culminated spontaneously from the similarities of the heart. The rapport was so similar .He hated all the men for all the injustice they did to women. And hence he had wanted to be different. I was in search of such a man . A Man different from all the other men .it was an added advantage that he was a good-looking person too. So they decided to meet at her place the very next day. That Day could not have come fast enough for me .My room mates were all away for the week end on a picnic .Due to my hectic schedules and the imminent meeting with Tony Alex ..,I had opted out. By 4 ‘o‘ clock Tony Alex came .I ushered him in to my sitting room .For a moment he looked as if he would to my side and would embrace me .I could 57

also see the conflict in his eyes to control his that instinct . So many soft feeling swept past his face .so sober...so handsome.. may be I was also waiting for Tony Alex to happen in to my life .. He talked about so many personal things. About his mother’s demise and the loneliness he felt after that...Growing up with out any solid relation ship …he also talked about his foster mother –one Ms Briganza ..of Holy Home for orphans ..She had brought him up so well…Then he paused in between his talks and turned to her side ...”tell me Shalu.. Where are your parents? Why is it that you are still unmarried?“I sat still for a moment. I wasn‘t yet ready to tell him the sordid story of my family. So I just told him thus “Tony just don’t ask me about my family yet .It is a sob story ..just know that my fathered was the reason why I hated all men ..Till I met you .You are so different from him .I suppose that answers a lot of your questions. “…I stopped for a moment and said “my mother committed suicide, due to the ill treatment of my fathered .I don’t want to continue ...you have brought confidence in me for men ...How I wish all men were like you .!!You know Tony, I there was some thing very special about you, the moment I met you .”I stopped for loss of words. Tony broke the silence.” Come on Shalu ..Forget all that..Let us go for a drive.” The weather looked very salubrious. so I got in with him in his luxurious car ….we drove off to some lonely place .we had so much to talk about …We were moving past the towns…..Some rocky space were getting visible..Oh it was all so beautiful. The nature looked good enough and full enough .Just like my heart .My soul soared high…………. The sun was sweeping down and the night was setting in..I was in a trance .To be in love… yes it was the most wonderful thing that can happen to a human being. I closed my eyes and leaned back on to the seat..Slowly I became aware of a moment next to me ..I felt Tony ‘s hands holding my hand ever so lightly .Was I dreaming? …Then it was a soothing caress. I opened my eyes. I could hear the rhythm of my heart beat. It was raining ….No one .not even a house was there in the vicinity. We were alone in the sprawling warm luxury of that car. Our own private heaven .I moved in to his arms ,as if that was the most natural thing in the world .He held me close to his heart .I could hear his frantic heart beats …frantic to hold me tight…Then slowly he raised my face and kissed me full on my mouth. My lips were hot and trembling .Just like his ….We moved our mouth from side to 58

side, always seeing to it that the magic was not lost ..A thousand stars shone on my horizon then. I was responding. No melting in his arms …I moved more closely to him, hugging him to my heart’s content. Kissing him back deeply and intensely. I felt his hands caressing my neck my back and slowly drifting further down………..Yes ..I wanted him so badly ….He got my message, my desire, my lust.. As if it was all so mutual. We moved to a more comfortable position at the back seat .And with the rain beating hard on the windowpane and with thunder rumbling somewhere far away I reached the pinnacle of ecstasy with Tony Alex. That orgasmic pleasure that only a man and a woman can together create and exult in union….We became one . That exquisite moment lasted until eternity. His life was ebbing in to me. In a crescendo …To give my self to a man of my dreams ……….Oh! God what an exhilarating experience!!!....What more could I have asked for. My wait was worth all this.. We lay spent in each other‘s arms-half dazed and half drowsy. The rain came tumbling down with full force. I felt so peaceful. Both of us were lost in our own worlds. Then unexpectedly Tony broke the silence. Shalu, you know, darling ,I have a reason why I love these lonely and deserted women ..My mother too was a destitute, deserted by the man she loved and believed . “Then he stopped, as if remembering some thing .Must be some gory past happenings. I opened my eyes and looked searchingly at him, when I asked “why, Tony ...who was your father? ...Why did he dessert your mother?” Tony looked at me with constrained anger. He was finding it very hard to control his rising temper. He said “my fathered is known more by his nick name than his real name …You know he was none other than ‘chanakya”.. Chanakya Venugopal…!!!! I was dumb struck. Every thing came crumbling down . Realization dawned in slowly and painfully …I had just made love to my own brother!!!”Chanakya “ over rode all my aspirations and ambitions ,my love and my desire and devastated me completely “why Shalu …DO you know him You look so stunned ,at the utterance of his name . His sound was reaching me .as if from a tunnel. “How little he knew .Still she felt it was better off that way . I did not want to share my private hell with him . Nothing was coming in to focus as I felt my head spin. So I said nothing.. Just shook my head and gave him a non-committal smile. The rain had stopped and we started on our return journey … Some spell was 59

broken. I knew it ..But Tony was not aware of it . He was happy and satiated. He had just now made love to the woman he wanted as his own ………… The car stopped in front of my house. Tony kissed me before I got down I returned him a soulful kiss and then said to myself.” I love you, my darling.” Tony felt me stiffen in his arms. But said nothing about it . He must have felt that I was a little tired and worn out by the first slush of ardent love making. He drove off with a promise to meet me the next day … I stood there lonely and lost and tired ….”Oh my lover, my life. Why did you have to be my brother? Then I started crying …inconsolable sobs. My whole body racked with the intensity of my sobs. I squatted on that wet cemented ground and cried No one stopped to watch. I was unaware of my surroundings. No one looked Even if some one felt my position awkward, they did not comment. Slowly I got up, went in to my house, and closed the door. My roommates were away for the night. So I was alone. I went straight to the bathroom and looked at my self in the mirror. A disheveled stranger looked back at me. What was it that my eyes were trying to convey? Was it that “Shalu had waited all these years as a celibate, hating men and their deeds ,only to succumb to an acute and incestuous act?’ God what a colossal injustice. I did not wait any longer. Some uncanny force started pulling me though the chores. I washed my self-.Then came back to my bedroom and gave myself a scented luxurious session. Wore my favorite cream-coloured chiffon sari. Then I opened my cupboard and took my car keys and a bottle of sleeping pills that my friend often took .for getting good sleep. Later locked my house and got in to my car and started to drive slowly, but surely and decidedly. The night was still young. There was a slight drizzle. While driving though the milling crowd, my thoughts wandered to that time when the drizzle had started and had changed in to a down pour …what an erotic feeling had engulfed me then ..I had given my self to my lover …No, my brother … Why was I the chosen one for misery always? My thoughts nulled when I saw the neon lighted board of a Hotel –Hotel Kanishka -. I drove straight in to that hotel’s porch .Then got out of my car and locked it . I had a small suitcase with me .I had packed them in a hurry . Then went to the reception and booked a A/C room .I was ready .A boy showed me to my room, Room no: 333. I locked the room and kept the tag ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ out side the door. I sat down on the well laid out bed. The 60

sheets were so clean and fresh smelling . I felt the softness of the bed for a minute. Then got up and took a glass of water and the whole lot of sleeping pills I had carried in my bag. Swallowed the entire pills down in one gulp. I laid myself on that clean bed. Closed my eyes and said a prayer.” God forgive me. But I had to do this. I had to escape from this world infested by the pest called Chanakya Venugopal . Then slowly Shalu closed her eyes.. ……… She was drifting...She fell in to that unending final sleep thinking about the fine moments she enjoyed in the hands of her only love ,a few hours ago… PET DREAM The rain sloshed up on the muddy ground and made a mess of the pedestrians plight to and fro….Sunanda got out of her office and walked towards her car anticipating a very heavy rain .Yes she was right .The rain poured down again in full fury….Just as she entered the dry and warm comfort of her Maruthi 800.She drove slowly through the slow and wet traffic……. Sunanda was a self made woman of 32, strikingly beautiful with an hour glass shape to boast it ….She lacked for nothing in life .She had health, wealth and good looks .But she was lonely. She had so many companions .But none to keep her company when she needed it the most. Very often she felt so bad about that thought itself ……. ‘Why wasn‘t there a male company there for me ‘wasn‘t there a man whom she could call as her own .May be every one could not get every thing always. Hers was a typical example of it…… Sunanda had a father, a mother and a little sister 8 years back…..the year she got the job as a bank officer, she had lost them .As if God was waiting for her to stand on her own feet,before He snatched away her dear ones from her…Or else what humanly possible explanation could she attach to the cruelty of such a timing ……Her father was the one who was very particular about her getting in to a job. He used to say that in the modern age, with the prices of every thing going up, jobs for the husband and wife were the only possible solution for a happy family life .Sunanda understood him so well and hence studied for securing a good job. So she had put in all her energy and concentration for getting accolades in the interviews. And the competitive tests Yes indeed, job played an important role in a happy family life .Sunanda had overcome the first 61

obstacle in the path for a happy life, according to her father. That was the securing of a good job. But where was the main thing? The family life itself…So far it had not happened. May be it was just around the corner, and Sunanda just seemed to be reaching out always. However, never reaching it actually……………….. Sunanda belonged to a staunch Hindu family, where doing rituals and chanting hymns in praise of lord were the order of the day. Her father had a lot of belief in horoscope too. Unfortunately for him ,there was a bad cliché in Sunanda‘s horoscope .that was the presence of mars in the seventh house of her horoscope .That was a supposedly bad sign .As it showed widowhood .but it could be rectified by tallying the horoscope well with the opposite horoscope which they were planning to consider. So the search for such a horoscope went on in full swing .At times, it did tally with a boy here or a boy there .But Sunanda never okayed them .As she attached a lot of importance to looks She wanted her man to be tall dark well built and healthy. In addition, of course well placed too professionally. Who was there around with so many good qualities and the mars tallying with hers well? Almost none .Or else if at all there was one with all such good qualities, he was definitely not happening her way…Sunanda‘s father V.P.K Nair was a very docile and good natured gentle man .So was her motherSubhadra.Since VPK doted on his first daughter a lot ,he had not wanted ever to force his daughter in to a matrimony ,nilly willy.Thus that auspicious event never materialized for Sunanda. Yes marriages were indeed made in heaven. Probably Sunanda was in the waiting list there That was why she was still in waiting for her dream man!!!! on tandem with her parents‘ numerous futile attempts to see her off in marriage ,she had passed her masters in commerce ,with flying colours.She was in the process of attempting so many interviews and bank tests. Because bank jobs were a dream area of working. It was mostly because she had come from a family of bankers. Her father and her grand father were bankers. Although her grand father was the owner of a private bank, it was as good as a public sector owned one, if not better. Both her father and grand father were able to instill confidence and good will in their customers’ hearts, with their sincerity and hard work.Similarily, Sunanda too had wanted to prove her mettle as a bank officer ….. She did not have to wait long. Because on her 24th year, she was a bank probation officer. God had indeed heard her professionally ambitious call after 62

all………… But her life still had to have a companion…even at the age of 32..Her new job had really been very heart warming and enterprising .Sunanda was slowly starting to forget her failures, to get a companion, when the inevitable had struck .VPK and his wife were traveling to Chennai with their second daughter, to attend the wedding of his best friend’s daughter. Sunanda had opted out as she had just joined duty, and had not wanted to take leave . The inefficiency of the driver of her father’s car or the carelessness of the truck driver ,what ever be the reason the worst had occurred to her dear ones .the head on collapse had snatched away her dear ones from her for ever…Sunanda was the worst hit by the tragedy ..She had not known what to do or say ..Yes she had not laughed for more than 3 years since that tragedy. But time was the best healer It ,healed her nerves too ,in due course .Life went on in a set pattern for Sunanda.There was some family wealth ,.A house of her own and some landed property attached to it.. .But where was that particular some thing that would have made up for all the wealth and houses? The peace of mind and mental happiness. Now eight long years had passed since that tragic incident. But it was all so vivid and alive and sore in her tender and lonely heart..Sunanda at present was in Bangalore. She was now in the level of an assistant manager. Quite often her job had taken her away from her birth place and sore memories. The new place and the crowded activities at the bank had left her with little or no room to be reminiscent .In one sense that was a blessing in disguise for Sunanda.AS she had little or no good memories .Of course her days with her father mother and sister were the best any girl could have asked for .But the tragedy that followed there after was enough to give sleepless nights and forget her sweet memories. It was so ominous as to smolder the entire happiness that had once been……….. She had in due course rented out her house to a far relation of her father’s .He was a man with no issues, Just he and his wife comprised his family. Since the tragedy, they considered Sunanda as their own child. They lived in her house and took care of the property attached to it too .they were willing to help her look after her property, till she got herself time to do so. Now she was in a rented house in Bangalore with just a maid to keep her company. Though things looked so much in place for Sunanda, from an outsider’s angle, she was in effect lost and lonely .She wanted a man of her choice and in her life. A man to own and hold her through thick and thin…through joys and sorrows, to father her 63

child ,to dream and flourish with her ……a man whom she can call as her husband and world…..some one who loved her as much as she loved him. A handsome and vivacious man who was also well employed .. But by God! Where was this handsome guy who would ravish and cherish Sunanda? Sunanda often used to discuss this pet dream to herewith her best friend at the bank. Her name was Sandra. She was a very modern and hep woman. She had traveled far wide and was from an affluent family .Job to her was one of her fascinations. She had married a man of her choice. She had found him through internet Chatting .Yes a particular soft ware which gave every one free access to meet so many types and kinds of people. One would enter a different arena through that chat .A place where, if you are lucky, you would meet the person of your dreams.. All your pet dreams about friend ship .love etc could materialize ,if you are lucky ,and Sandra was lucky .She met her man through chatting .And he also proved to be worthy of her. Hearing Sandra talk endlessly about the pros and cons of chatting .Sunanda became enchanted and curious .she was so optimistic that she decided she would meet her man thus. And that was how she met Alok… Sunanda installed the chat messenger and registered in to it with her name as ID .only difference being that she had to add a number too to her ID .that was because there were other people already registered in to it with the same name as hers…So she was Sunanda 123 in chat messenger …Thus she started to chat in the general way noting nothing in particular.. Just talking with all and sundry…on a particular site .then one ID with the name Zeus singled her out and wished her as“ Hi Sunu.’’ And she liked him instantaneously…Besides the name of that particular Id was also very fascinating ..A name of the Greek god...A very handsome and powerful god ….So she answered him with another ‘hi’ ..after the first formalities ,she came to know that Zeus was after all a `He` and that his name was Alok.He was a north Indian aged 36,currently working as soft ware engineer in a very well established company at Singapore He too had entered the chat to look out for a woman of his liking .Sunanda was really excited ..So it was after all happening …They were two of a kind… Sunanda too revealed her identity and the paraphernalia...Honestly Alok instantly liked her frankness. They chatted for a long time about every thing...like love .life career loneliness ….it felt as if she had a lot to tell him as if they were just waiting for the first opportunity to get together .on most of the 64

subjects they agreed .. She found Alok a very interesting person. Thus, it went on and on …. So many days flew past with both of them not knowing it .They were so enthralled by the news both of them had to impart to each other they had so much to talk about.. Then on one such day they came to the subject on choosing the life partners. And Sunanda told him about the importance she attached to a person’s looks .She was of opinion that looks.. That too good looks did matter a lot for the success of a happy love life …Alok was finding it difficult to support her justifications. According to him, looks had the least importance …So one day during the conversation he had asked her for her picture .She obliged him immediately as she was so very confident about her good looks.Alok received her picture immediately. Looking at her picture, he was mesmerized. She was indeed the most beautiful woman he had ever come across. Her lovely black and large eyes were so beautiful and expressive that he could have sunk in to its depth. Her nose was so straight and aristocratic and her lips were so full and pouting like a rose flower.. Alok could have gone on eulogizing her looks unendingly. Such was the exquisiteness of her looks. So he concluded that there was no wonder that she was on the look out for a good looking guy.Alok‘s looks, he knew very well that ,could do full justice to her demands. He slowly got up from the chair and looked at himself in the dressing bureau mirror. The image that stared back at him was that of a perfection of male good looks …tall, lean dark and muscular with powerful and deep probing eyes…pointed nose full lips and a perfect gait..Infact Alok was physical perfection personified. He was happy .He would indeed make Sunanda a perfect match, from her point of view. But Alok‘s nature was different .So different from that of Sunanda‘s .He attached no importance to looks as far as matters of heart were concerned. He fully believed too that he was right , Of course he loved Sunanda. But that had happened much before he even had set eyes on her picture. He fell in love with her because of her frankness, simplicity and smartness. He wanted to make her believe that looks .Whether good or bad were not important in love …He vowed to himself do so. As he wanted her so badly. He wanted her to climb down from her ivory tower where she existed, believing that looks had so much prominence. And that too good looks ..How wrong she was! He would free her of that myth and then would show himself in front of her.. Till then he decided to keep his 65

real self a secret from her. What a moment it would be, when she sees his real handsome self! She would then love him for his looks as well as nature, with which he would have conversed with her till then .That he decided would be that of an ugly man .Then when she sees his real self she would naturally accept him with good looks …As by then he would have won her heart ..So much he would love her and prove it too. That was his plan .Then he was sure that she would believe that after all looks were not all that important ,when the heart calls . So he planned to send her a different picture, a picture of an ugly man .Let that be the “Alok” she sees for the time being …He scanned a picture of an ugly man in to the PC and then later send it to her . … Sunanda had home early the next day. she was not able to contain the excitement she was feeling about the prospective vision of Alok‘s pic..Because he had promised to send his snap the very next day. She was not even able to concentrate on any thing at the bank. She was constantly thinking about how Alok would look like .She prayed that he would be handsome because she was feeling very comfortable with him other wise. She could tell him all her worries and anxieties and he would always be there like a panacea, he would be there with consoling or soothing lines. And if he was a looker .then she would sincerely contemplate a life with him .After all, according to her ,looks and that too good looks had an important role in making a marriage success.. She got home early and then ran to her PC .then opened her inbox…There he was staring back at her. A very ‘ugly looking man .He was healthy looking .But there ended his semblance to any thing humane. He had close set small eyes. A large and broken looking nose .He had very stern and thin upper lip and a square face. On the whole, he looked very threatening and just out of a boxing ring!. She hated the sight of his looks. But ……..how could she hate him. When he had given her so much support and happiness on line .It was as if she had some anchor, with which she could row above all obstacles. Sunanda left it at that.She was not yet prepared to accept him; even in spite of his good nature .but she wanted him there, as a friend and guide…. The very next day to seeing each other ‘s photos, Alok came on line and proposed to her…He specially pointed out that he had wanted to marry her not because of her good looks ..But because of her frankness and simplicity. Her good looks were only and added bonus.. Alok vowed to keep her happy and secure and loved…But Sunanda was not ready yet……Because Alok was not a 66

looker ….She was in a dilemma .She actually was not able to come to a conclusion …She had pined all her aspirations on looks .and here was a man, whom she actually liked very much ,but for his looks .and she did not know whether she wanted to marry him or not ……Looks did count…. Still….. Days and months flew by with both of them keeping quite about the question of marriage …Both Alok and Sunanda went their ways in every aspects of life .But Alok kept it as a must to come online every night and chat with her for a few minutes .Sunanda too answered him often and told him about all the things that were happening to her life .She had taken a liking for him for reasons even alien to her.. .He was that good a man .Why didn’t god give him good looks too to match his nature.. Sunanda was trying every possible ways to make herself come in terms with his bad looks..That was how much a part he had become of her other wise …Now good looks were indeed acting as a villain in her life. A feeling of getting sore at the throat. Suffering was the only possible way out …She had indeed found a good and reliable friend in Alok….Although not a lover. Not yet …. Alok on the other hand was willing to wait ….Because he knew love would succeed .That much he loved her. And his love was sincere to the core …..He believed that true love would be well rewarded.. But he wanted her as his own only after proving to her that looks took a back seat, in the matters regarding the heart.Alok wanted to change her biased attitude before he appeared in front of her and showed her his killer woman looks..How happy she would be then! He thought fondly….Because she would have found real love and a good-looking man as well. Both to her choice .So to her looks too would be won as a bonus ….just as he had got her and her good looks …… Looks won’t be an all important factor..looks are skin deep …That was the message he had wanted to relay to her .So he was willing to wait for that good cause…When once she changed her obstinacy for looks she would definitely be able to love freely and with out any restrictions…. Sunanda, in the due course received a marriage proposal from a common friend’s brother..He was an average looking man .His name was Sathish..He had wanted to marry Sunanda..So he sounded his interest to her friend., Arathi… So Arathi went to her house once with Sathish. .Sunanda was getting ready to go out for shopping .But she invited them both in to her house . And Arathi came to the point straight away. Sathish was a construction engineer. And he told her 67

that since his office was so very near to her bank ,he had seen her often and was instantly attracted to her ‘So Looks do matter’.. Sunanda thought to herself amusedly….. Sunanda looked at Sathish and found him to be a good looking guy….But she felt no stirrings for him …her thought kept wandering to one ugly face ,she knew so well…..Yes Alok‘s picture in her Pc. So she coyly and manner fully refused the proposal. After the perfunctory trivialities, Sathish.. He and Arathi left….. Sunanda kept thinking…Why?. What made her refuse Sathish‘s proposal……He was quite handsome and well behaved too. He had also admitted that he was impressed with her …then what was the block? Yes she knew it.. She knew the reason as clear as day light now ..Realization dawned on her like a bolt from the blue….She was in love …SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH AN UGLY MAN. And that man’s name was ALOK…She tried initially to deny her realizations. She told to herself repeatedly. That it can’t possibly be true.. That he was not good looking …But there it was..She was not able to run away from her heart‘s consent .she loved him ardently, sincerely.. In addition, of course passionately too. She was even willing to overlook his looks, because he was so good nurtured, so very free to be with and so very understanding and supportive..What more can a woman look for in her future husband. Yes Alok was right..Looks …That too good looks were just a bonus in love and matters relating to heart… …Alok proved it to her by his own person…So she decided to ask him to meet her ..She wanted to see him so badly. She wanted to admit her love for him on his face in reality and not through net. Still she had decided on giving him an hint about her feelings for him.. Otherwise he would not come all the way from Singapore ….. So that night while he came online for her .she told him about the entire incidents that had happened to her that day ..about how Sathish‘s proposal had made her realize that it not a handsome man she was now on the look out for. And that she knew, just like Alok, that good looks were only a bonus in love and marriage. Then she told him that she wanted to meet him in person. As she felt that she was in love with him…..to Alok those words were ambrosia to his thoughts and mind and body and soul. Yes the moment he was waiting for had arrived….Sunanda loved him and not his looks….So when she saw him in person, and saw his good looks. She would swoon. And then she would thank god for having given her the best of every thing …………….Yes, the wait was 68

worth it …..Alok promised her that he would come over to Bangalore on the 12th of the very next month ,July…he needed that much time just to avail tickets and also some leave …so much to prepare for ..most probably .he would be returning with Sunanda back to Singapore…-Mrs. Sunanda Alok and Mr happy –go- lucky Alok….His heart did a somersault with those happy thought…she had indeed changed her biased attitude towards good looks. And Sunanda was going to be awarded with a bonus. As Alok was so handsome …just fifteen days more to go and then he would have the world in his pocket…no heaven in his pocket …Sunanda was his heaven on earth!!!!! Days couldn’t have gone fast enough …Sunanda was in a dream world. Going through all the daily routines in a dreamy state….She was jittery and she was apprehensive, in turns, about her impending rendezvous with Alok…She knew that she was in love with him and that she wanted no other man other than Alok as her husband…But from some where deep down in her heart a dormant doubt cropped up.Alok was not at all good looking …Not in the least like any body whom she had visualized in her dreams… But she wanted to accept his bad looks too now …as she loved him so much ..Infact his looks had got etched in her mind….She was so surprised at the change love had brought in her… July 12th.the day they were to meet arrived…She dressed in the most fitting way possible for the great occasion.. Then she went to the temple..Said a prayer, came back home and had a light break fast ..By 10‘o‘clock, she got in to her car and drove straight to Taj residency Hotel.. Alok had promised her that he would be at the lounge of that hotel at the strike of 11...She reached Taj by 10.30 am .and parked her car at the car park. Locked the car and went straight to the lounge. She told the receptionist that she was waiting for some one there .the receptionist showed her to a comfortable sofa.Alok would come to her.. She looked at the picture she had of Alok…then she looked around. There wasn‘t many people there at the lounge …Just a couple of Europeans. It was five minutes to 11…Sunanda felt her heart beating fast and loud. The excitement was brimming out of her ….. Alok came out of his room and took a lift down to the lounge. He had Sunanda‘s photo intact with him in his wallet…her face was etched in his memory. Then he saw her. There she was sitting screwed up with excitement in a very cushy sofa…Perfection of womanly charms at its peak…She looked at him once and then she looked away .How could she recognize him...she was waiting for that 69

horrible looking face …Alok smiled to himself while he walked towards her…he came right in front of her and stopped and said ‘Hi Sunanda….I am Alok’ and then he extended his hand …Sunanda slowly got up. A kind of uncanny look came in to her eyes. As if she was being cheated unaware…..and was being pulled deep down in to a treacherous game of deception. She stood erect in front of him, then took a look at the picture she had of her ugly looking, golden hearted Alok….THE ALOK she had loved and cherished and adored…the man for whom she had waited on ends all these years..The man who taught her the values and importance of Love…..But who was this handsome stranger, who was claiming to be Alok.. It can’t be. It should not be …She slowly shook herself off her reverie. Then looked at that handsome face and said slowly but clearly’ But Mr.. You are not My Alok….”and walked away swiftly, with out even giving him a backward glance…… Alok looked on, unable to even utter a single word. His world was collapsing around him and his Love was fading away from him forever… **************

70

THE BOND OF LOVE Sunil was my only son...But that doesn’t mean that he was spoiled by me...No I did not pet him more than necessary .So he grew up to be a very obedient and good boy .May be that was in his genes .To tell about his genealogy,I would have to go a bit down the memory lane ..As his dad was dead since ten years. I was the only parent for him since then .But those were the days when I was able to relax and at the same time be alert .I had a full family .I was the house wife, with all the responsibilities of a dutiful wife and a doting mother .Life was full of hopes and happiness then .Rajan was the a perfect person .He had no short comings to be noted .May be he was as little careless with finance .but that was not a big fault (little did I know then that that was the major fault that did all the problems to us after a time .) Raja died a broken man when he was just settling down, with less burdens and lesser financial problems .God had some thing else for me in store .My son grew amidst all these problems and tribulations .But saw to it that he was brought up well. He went to lofty heights career wise. I was the proud mother to his wellbeing. Things moved slowly but surely .Life was starting to look glorious and wonderful .Sunil was a very well established business man .He was working for a multinational company with all the prospective of making it big in international markets .Sunil was indeed a keen business man .Every other day he had a very interesting incident to tell me about his achievements and ambitions .He was well loved by his boss as well as the subordinates .what more could a mother ask for .to see one’s son prosper with all the love intact is the one good grace any mother could get in any state of mind So that was exactly what was happening to me too … Years rolled by with happiness and merry making .every thing took the shape as we both wished .then Sunil fell in love .she was his secretary .not exactly his secretary but an ubiquitous figure ,who was there at every one’s beck‘n‘call .That was one quality about the girl that Sunil got attracted .she never tired .that was what he told me first .. ‘Mom, you should see her effervescence ...She brings life in to that dull atmosphere.” I knew then that my son was falling in 71

love .but I kept quite .that would have been like rushing his own emotions .He was in a state ,when he himself was not able to name the emotion he was feeling towards her .Of course he was indeed very impressed with her .”What is her name “? I asked him one day .He was getting ready for the office .But he immediately replied “Sneha”.. The reply was so spontaneous that I started feeling guilty at not having asked him the same a few days before .Now all my doubts were cleared. He was indeed falling in love with Sneha .Because how come he answered so aptly, when I asked for a name .it could have been a query for any name .How did he come in to the conclusion that I was indeed asking for the same girl’s name ? That was the first sign that the chemistry called love has started acting on him. Now as a mother my duty was to find out whether it was mutual. …So that was exactly what I did too .I did not want to waste time beating around the bush. So one evening, as soon as Sunil reached home from office l confronted him with the question .”Sunil. Are you in love with Sneha ..I have a feeling you are conflicting too much with your self to find an exact answer .Why do you fear the inevitable? There is no need ..It is only but quite natural..” Sunil was dumb struck by my out burst..He must have wondered how well I could read his mind..I waited for my queries to sink in then I was again at it .but this time Sunil was the first one to talk..” Yes mom ...I am in love with her .I have a feeling that it is mutual. because I can get the chemistry as a very favorable one” “ Then what are you waiting for .If I had not asked about this ,what would you have done .Sunil this is not the proper way to tackle such delicate situations …You would have to be more upright “ I stopped for a breath .Sunil was laughing to himself. I knew why he was .because the situation was very funny and strange .It was that of a mother trying to bring out the love chemistry hidden in her son’s mind …But in our case it was not at all a strange situation. As such was the rapport we shared … The next few days were all very charged with excitements and anticipations .But it was all so nice.. Sneha ‘s parents proved to be the best couples I have ever come across .They were so overwhelmed with happiness .Because every one would welcome Sunil as their son in law. /he was a gem of a boy both in looks as well as character .We were not very rich...Of course I had a house of my own..That was what I had 72

inherited from my family .the major share of the family wealth had flown to me as I was the most downtrodden financially .My other two sisters were very comfortable financially as well as emotionally .As they both had a very settled married life .Fate did not allow my husband to live long enough to keep me company and also to see his son prosper. The wedding was a simple affair with little pomp and pleasure .Sneha lived in the same state as that of ours/so she was not in the proverbial tears when coming to our house.. Thank God for that .Other wise I would have felt quite guilty. I wonder why. .I know the heart burns of leaving one’s parents to become a parent oneself in an entirely new ambience and life style..So I decided to take special care of my daughter in law till she started to feel at home here near me.. Days and months rolled by …Sneha didn’t leave the job, although I had insisted .She was of opinion that two earning members are always better than one. I knew how right she was .So I kept quite … Seasons rolled past with break neck speed …. Sneha was now 6 months pregnant. I was in cloud nine with excitement. But my excitement had an untimely death, as Sunil came with the news that he had to be away ..The company was posting him in USA..!!!! It was indeed a very good news..But it came to the wrong place and person .Sunil too was in mixed feeling and emotions ...”Mom’. He started .I know it is very difficult to arrange to take you along with me.. Because they are letting only one family member with me. Either the wife or the parents “..I didn’t allow him to complete the sentence ...’Sunil” I intrepted .”Where is the problem? I did not know that the company was allowing one of the family members to travel with you .So that means you are going to be away for a long period…So why think twice? Sneha is of course coming with you ….don’t bother about me. I can find a way out.. Shall ask Nani amma to come and sleep here..” With that note the subject was closed for that day.. The preparations for the trip abroad was going about in full swing ..I felt a kind of tight knot in my chest .yes after 28 years of being with him now he is leaving me for a foreign land and its wide opportunities. Nothing can stop the course of actions .My son …who was and still is my world was about to go away from my horizon. I have to contain it all...as he was leaving me for a good cause. But I was not able to stop the stream of tears that were being uncontrollably disobedient… The lump in my throat and chest was growing in to a life sized one and I felt I would burst at any moment .No nothing of that sort happened. Because some 73

where inside my heart a soft and soothing voice soothed me. It was for a good cause he was going. his life would change for better ..Besides he is not alone. He would be having his dear wife too with him .So as a mother it is my duty to keep calm and not loose my composure...the role I had played in his life was indeed taking a back seat. And that is called LIFE.. Sunil too looked a bit woebegone. But nothing compared to the trauma I was feeling from inside..He was excited too ..Visiting a foreign land and being there for the next few years is not a thing to be taken lightly .I remember now that he was always so very positive about going abroad, earning more living a hep life ..Yes that exactly were his words since teenage.. The departure day dawned with a pluvial look .may be the nature was also being emphatic. It looked as if the nature was also crying. I was finding it difficult to cover my tears.. The plane to USA took off with the swiftness of a smooth fly. There airborne was my dearest son with his wife. I looked up till the plane disappeared from my vicinity. There some where beyond my vicinity lives my son ,now airborne. Later in USA. Still later……………???? Coming back to my house was the most excruciating pain. A home that had so fast become a house that consisted of bricks and cement and some dull furtinture..Every thing had lost its meaning ….every thing. My son was not here then how can they retain the glow .Life seemed to have ebbed out of my house .a”OH! God. why are you giving me so much pain ..! Why did all these things happen ..? I know it is a good thing for Sunil. But I was opting to be selfish instead .his happiness away from me was becoming a matter of concern for me...I had wanted him to employed here in India itself.. May be in a better financial position…But what is the need of thinking it all up and still getting in to more and more heart burns .. I had asked an old maid to come and sleep in my house she was all the more willing. Sunil phoned me as soon as he reached his three room company guest house...Soon he would be moving in to a place of his own ..The company would arrange all those for him. He was there in a very prestigious post. My mind said a silent prayer for him and his dear wife. I had already started to wait for the day when he would be taking me too to his place. It was near to impossible to be here all by myself...Come to think of it, I missed him more than my loneliness.. I 74

could tackle loneliness. But cannot be away from him. It was silly .But that was how I was .I preferred being silly.. Days scrawled by...More than once I sent Sunil a mail, asking about his health and well being. Sunil was fine .He was equally excited too as he was to be a father in a matter of 2 months.. Sneha gave birth to a bonnie baby in June .They named her Shwetha.I was ready to go to him. But things did not move favorably as there was a problem availing Visa. But I was willing to wait . Sunil had a plan to settle down in Singapore as their company was opening a branch there, and he was the first option for independent charge there, Sunil was more than willing. so there was a chance that he would settle in Singapore ..And it was quite easy to get a visa too there… Morning s lacked the vim and vigor. It was on one such morning that a little bird came and perched on my widow sill. It was shivering as if it was winter ..I did not know why , but some sympathy crept in to me and I went near the tiny bird ..It was a robin but it was writhing in some pain ..I slowly took him in my hand .. Surprisingly the bird did not flinch. May be it’s pain was more than the fright. I did not know what to do. I called to my maid.. She came running in ...”What is the mater madam” she enquired.” I think this little bird is in pain. See it is not even flinching when I took him .don’t you think it is surprising?” I was very surprised …”let us take it to some doctor ...” “But do you know any, Madam? “Then let us find out “so for the next several minutes I was engaged ...I found one doctor .I was in a hurry..A poor little life was ebbing.. I did not want that to happen…Doctor examined the bird and told me not to worry as it was a little chill due to last night’s rain.” Why Mrs. Kumar? Are you going to worry about this little wayward bird .let him be.. Just don’t bother.. It would rectify all by itself.” The doctor ended the talk with a silly remark.. Yes it was a little wayward bird..but it did come to me didn’t it? That was surely not it’s way wardiness..But I did not say such thoughts to the doctor ..He had done his duty well. A few hours past this incident, the robin was up on it’s wings .Chirping it flew away .. I forgot the entire incident. .But little did I knew then that I was to remember it the very next day..Or rather robin was to become a part and parcel of my lonely life .. 75

Sun streaks were filtering in to my room, as I opened my eyes.. And the phone was ringing endlessly .It must be Sunil .so I gathered myself and ran to take the call .it was Sunil ,with a very happy sound ..He was telling me how fast he is trying to get the visa to take me too to Singapore. As I was listening to him I saw that same tiny little robin flying in to perch on my window sill. So I told Sunil about the entire incident.. Sunil thought I was really being silly. May be I was ….as soon as the call ended. I ran to the window sill .Robin sat there looking at me with it’s cute bead like eyes. it looked as he was trying to say thanks ..i slowly extended my hands to him ..He sat there unflinched. So that was it. I had a company now .may he too had a story to tell about his loneliness .may be he too is in need for a company. But why me ? ..I did not ponder much on that .instead I went inside and took some grains and fed the bird..I did not know what to give him still he looked complacent with whatever little I had to offer him. But I wanted to give him some thing that would really please him. So I rummaged my brain. Yes birds love fruits .and so that was exactly what I was going to give him .I fed him with milk and fruits.. Some where inside my mind, I was feeling a little strange about the behavior of this tiny little bird..It was not a common sight to see such unnamed birds getting friendly with human beings. Still I was enjoying this friendship. It looked as if he really enjoyed being with me. The feeling strangely was mutual .Robin flew away after the sumptuous meal and made a sweet sound as he flew away. It must have been a “thank you”! .I went about my household chores, Nani amma would come back only in the evening. Because, she was working else where too .and she had a family to look after … I did not mind being alone now.I was anxious to see the little bird..But robin did not fly back that evening..I was worried. What ever was happening to me..By 6 in the evening I gave up hope ..I closed all windows and doors..and took my prayer book and went to light the lamp. Did I hear that familiar chirp? Yes it was robin out side …I ran to the door opened and there he was sitting pretty on the window sill.. ran inside and took a banana and gave a little from it to him .. He started nibbling it from my palm. I felt a kind of oneness with that tiny bird ….A very strange and pleasant relation ship was developing ………… Days passed by. Robin and I became best of friends. He would often come and sit perched on the window sill .I even made a cozy cage and bed for him ..Not that he was interested in staying there .At times he did come inside the cage. Robin was almost like a human being in most of his behavior . He knew my moods so 76

well...He would stop chirping when the telephone bell rang ..He listened when I talked in to the phone .Some times I would prattle to him ..At times I would tell him about my Sunil and his wife..How he was desperately making arrangements to take me .I felt as if robin listened ardently…on such a day once..While I was telling about my son to robin, the phone rang.. It was Sunil. I knew the why he was calling even before he said it ...”Mamma. I am coming over. and you know what.. This time when I go back you too are coming with me.. Every thing has got finally settled. Now you would never ever have to be lonely .I can’t just wait to be with you So next Friday I reach there and Sunday we are taking off to Singapore .!!1”wow wow !I was not able to believe my good fortune. The wait was over ..Finally we are going to be together again. I have to decide about so many things and there were just a few days more left ..My main concern was about the disposing off the house.. I would have to ask nani amma‘s son to take care of that ..He was infact in to real estate too .So many thoughts were crowding in to me at the same time .I felt dizzy both with excitement and ecstasy…..In all the excitement I had completely forgotten about the tiny little robin ..He was sitting there reviewing every thing. I ran to him …and said “robin my wait is over ...Sunil is at last coming to take me with him ...Well, isn’t that a good news?” Robin just listened .And chirped just once and flew away …I felt very uneasy..Was it tears that were glistening in his tiny eyes? How silly I was being..As if birds could cry!!! But I was sure I saw tears in robin’s eyes. Even other wise he was indeed a strange bird …So stranger things can happen . That night I was unable to sleep .I turned and tossed in my bed.My mind was wandering. It was not about my impending trip .But it was about Robin what would happen after I left him .Will he able to survive. Poor little robin .I am sure he would find a way .With that consoling thoughts I slept and dreamt of robin .Robin was sad even in my dreams..And he was trying to tell me some thing.. I woke with a nagging headache..But nani amma came home early ..There were so many preparations to be done and so much has to be settled ..That was why I had asked Nani amma to be with me always for another week till I set off.. Friday was the happiest day in my life since Sunil’s departure to America..there he was now with a smile on his face ..He had put on some weight..But it did not in any way take away his handsome looks ..Marriage was doing him good it did suit him .Sunil was also so happy ..he was anxious to see the strange bird called robin 77

.one way he felt a kind of affinity towards robin ..Because he played a crucial part in taking away his mom’s loneliness to some extent .but robin did not turn up that day .I felt a kind of lump in my throat…”Mom..What is the matter with you “? Sunil noticed my dullness ...”No.. Nothing son .it is just that I am sad robin has not yet turned up .””So? What is the matter with you ?” don’t be foolish .After all a bird is a bird…”Sunil stopped and looked my way ..He did not want to elaborate his view point then…Because robin was more than a bird to me ..”Sunil ..shall we take him too with us? .” “What do you mean mom…Robin won’t be able to survive in that place ...as he is a local bird ...He belongs here ...It is strange that he got so close to you ..’ ‘What is so strange about it “? I was getting annoyed. Not because Sunil made any bad comments..What ever he was telling me was just the right thing .But I was getting very irritated because robin has not yet turned up …. But by after noon he was there and I was happy .I told him that I would be gone by Sunday morning … Sunday morning dawned and we were about to take off to the airport ..Nani amma had come with her son.. I had entrusted the entire responsibilities of the house to her son Shiva .and when some very good bid came for the house I had even given permission to do all the sale procedures accordingly..Even while I was discussing all these, my eyes went wandering up to the window sill .where s robin?. The taxi came and my luggage was taken in to the taxi slowly.. With some good byes I got in to the back seat of the car. and slowly .ever so slowly I turned my eyes to the upper window sill …and what did I see there …perched on the window sill was little robin ..I saw a kind of pleading in his eyes .or did I feel so? I felt as if i was leaving behind some thing precious.. And I knew I did not want to do that..OH God. What will I do now ‘ I could not help crying ..I was not able to leave my little robin, what would he do with out me. Sunil had his wife and child ..Whom did robin have .. No one. I knew that…Yes he needed me as much as I needed him. .That was what that little beady eyes were trying to relate. I made my decision then and there.. I turned to Sunil who was already getting in to the car ..”Sunil. I am not going any where .I have to be here,,, Robin needs me ..”You carry on son. I shall surely be in touch telephonically…Sneha, I am sure, would take care of you well. But who would look after my little robin? He needs me more now. He was the one who took away all my loneliness when you were away .Now I think it is unjust to leave him alone , when he doesn’t want to be left alone 78

…” Saying thus I climbed out.. Sunil`s cajoling and pleading fell on my deaf ears …I slowly turned and opened the door and went upstairs and to the window sill. took Robin in my hand and kissed him to my heart’s content ..”I am not leaving you dear .How can I ‘... I looked at the trail of the fading taxi….But this time I was not feeling sad… ********************************************

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THE BRIDE Rajagopal and Rohit were best of friends...Yes that was how it was .seeing their togetherness and the constant fights and cracking jokes, no one believed other wise. It was fun to watch them talk and laugh at every little aspects of the surroundings. They always had a thing to discuss and laugh about. Looking at them every one wondered how they could be so free and so close. There was a reason why every one thought so. There was a n age difference of 25 years between them .yes they were also father and son.. But they considered that relation ship secondary to their friend ship ..Such was the coziness they shared.. Raja gopal married young as his dad was a very old man and he was also sick...Doctors had not given him more than a few years.. Rajagopal‘s dad was a very affluent and enterprising person.. His wife was a very obedient woman , who preferred to have no life out side the realm of her husband’s hold .. It was in this closed circumstances that Rajagopal grew up ..He was the only issue and so he was also forced to obey his father in many things, even if he didn’t want to oblige.”.Raja…” One day his dad called him to his side. And said “I have decided to get you married to one of my friend’s daughter. you know why ..He hold a lot of shares of my company .Besides he is a very reliable source for the betterment of our leather company ..”He stopped to see some kind of objection coming from his son’s mouth. But nothing of that sort occurred.. Rajajgopal knew better than to raise an objection .It was futile … So when Rajagopal was just 22 he got married to Suma…initially he was in consternation of loosing all his freedom being a married man. Because his friends had loaded him with all the gilt and glam of a bachelor. Was he going to miss out on all that all of a sudden?? Had just entered the threshold of that stage. But Rajagopal didn’t unnecessarily ponder or delve in to any thing that is impossible or that looked to be impossible from the first impression..May be marriage was what was written on his destiny. .A little too early or late is not going to change any thing … Thus consoled, he entered his matrimonial life … Months and years flew by. Now he was on the fifth year of his wedded bliss 80

.Just twenty seven and a father of a three year old. But he had no complaints what so ever, as Suma his lovely wife, saw to it that he enjoyed his marital life to the brim .There wasn‘t any remorse either from Raja goal’s side ..He had wanted to shout to all those false bachelors, that marriage was not the end of any kind of freedom for a man… Suma was his life’s better half indeed …But the destiny waved a cruel hand on, that young and happy couple.. They were both returning from one of his friend’s house when the mishap occurred.. The late night drive and the little bit of drinks he had consumed, had made Rajagopal a bit tipsy.. But he felt confidant enough to drive home .Rohit,their son, was not with them as it was a cocktail party to felicitate some foreign delegates who had come to sign a big deal with Rajagopal company .. The car turned at a cull de sac and collided head on with an oncoming lorry .the hit killed Suma on the spot.. But not Raja gopal...He escaped unscathed as was thrown out of the seat to a near by hay stack .. There ended Rajagopal joy and happiness. He who had prided so much in matrimonial life now cursed his present widower ‘s life . Rajajgopal became a recluse for so many years .He even lost his drive for making his company a success .a kind of numbness entered in to his system .. It took him so many years and the untiring encouragement of his dearest friends to bring him out of the shell he had created around him. Above all his son Rohit grew up to be the best son ever .he was so obedient and intelligent that Rajagopal found no reason to complain or to scold him..The gulf created by his wife was fast getting removed or filled up thanks to Rohit and his lovable nature. Years rolled by and Rohit and Raja opal became inseparables. In looks too Rohit had inherited a lot of his dad’s good looks.. But somewhere he resembled his mother Suma. Rajagopal was the happiest man now …Because he had a good company in Rohit...When Rohit was growing up and when his life was in books, schools and his school mates .Rajagopal used to feel a kind of loneliness that could have been because of his solitude. But he didn’t care.. Rohit was his world now. But so many of his dear friends did not feel so. They pressed him to marry. Yes that was a reasonable demand too .As it was imperative that there should be a lady around during Rohit formative years .Otherwise. How can he get an exposure to the tender side of life? Like a mother’s love. Even if it is only a step 81

mother, it would have done wonders to Rohit .That thought used to gnaw at Rajagopal often .so the solution he found was not by entering in to another marriage. But by being a mother too along with being a father ..yes he enjoyed the role of a mom and dad to Rohit ..that was how much he cared for Rohit ..He was not sure whether another woman would be able to give the same amount of love and affection that he is giving to his son .or what Suma would have given to her son , had she been alive ..The thoughts of Suma often gave Rajagopal strength and a purpose … Years rolled by and Rohit grew up to a handsome lad of 23..and his dad was just 47…but Rajagopal was smart and young looking .. .from a distance they both looked almost like good friends ..The age difference between them was not at all pronounced .The main reason for that was that Rajagopal had a thick mop pf hair even at this age .There was no sign of thinning visible yet. Probably a little salt and pepper .But definitely not thinning .. Rohit was just finishing his degree course, when Rajagopal asked him to join along with him in the leather business..” What is the use of higher studies? When you have a well flourishing business waiting to take you “Was all that Rajagopal told when ever he was confronted by his son.”But dad..It is always better to take a MBA degree, if I am to prosper well in our business” But his dad was not very supportive of that idea altogether .probably because he was able to bring up his empire all by himself to such lofty heights with out the so called MBA degree.. But Rajagopal did not want to dissuade his son. So he said instead “Ok son ...I don’t want to deny you any of your pleasures ...But are you very particular that you want to take the MBA from college itself ...Don’t you think a correspondence course would suffice .That way you can of course help me a lot with my business affairs ..” raja gopal stopped in between as waited to see some kind of positive sign in his son’s face. He was right .. Rohit was indeed considering that option .He did not want his father to take up the entire blame all by himself. So after a few moments he agreed “Ok dad ..just as you wish ..” So that was how Rohit became a business man...since business was in his veins, he got acclimatized to it as soon as he joined ..Days of happiness and hopes flew past. Along with his studies , he also managed the office matters well .Rajajgopal was indeed a complacent man now .so much he had suffered ..Now it felt it was time for the pay offs …he was getting rewarded for all the sufferings he was made to indulge, from a very early age itself.. 82

Meena was a front office assistant to the Rajagopal Leather company.. She was as smart as she was beautiful .Infact there was a line of Romeos on that same office vying with each other for her attention.. But she paid no heed to all those cronies. But she got very close to Rohit.. Not because he was the manager’s son.. But because she liked his character and the unassuming way in which he carried himself even in spite of his high status and wealth..Yes that was true to the core too.. Rohit didn’t have any segregation as far as the staff and their status were concerned...To him every one had a very important role to play in bringing up a company ,That too a very successful company .. Even Rohit favored Meena lot...She was a back ward caste girl..But that was not at all an hindrance for Rohit..As he never cared for any religion in particular .Or rather he favored no religion ..That was the way he was brought up .the priority was given to human beings to behave like one ..Rajagopal‘s instaneous success was all due to that secular feelings.. Rohit was often seen with Meena. and that started some raised eyebrows in the office .Some elder staffs who were very much prejudiced about marrying in to the same caste ,created a kind of strain to that delicate relationship …Rohit knew for sure that he was slowly falling in love with her ..who wouldn’t fall for such a pretty and efficient girl .So one day he decided to get a little more friendly with her ..After the office hours, he asked to stay back …”Meena, there is some important typing to be done .can you stay back for a while ?’ he looked imploringly at her ..”Of course, sir. Why not “please Meena ...Don’t call me Sir …Just Rohit ...That is better .after all we are both of the same age group isn’t it “? With that he sat with her and gave her some notes ...”Please type them and bring them to my room.. .’..”Ok sir..Sorry Rohit ..” they both laughed at her naughtiness . “Rohit where is your dad. Does he know that you are here asking me to stay back” ..”Of course he knows...Infact he is there in his office room...Probably getting tomorrow’s work done ...”She gave a throaty laugh and dismissed that issue...She went back to her room...and started typing...Rohit was was wondering what his father would have to say to all this, when once he comes to know of all the hurrying he had done for a matter of less importance..He left that problem there .he would tackle it when he came to that. As soon as he settled back to waiting for Meena...there was a knock at the door. And before he could get ready, his dad came in ‘what is happening here Rohit..? What is 83

Meena doing there? I was about to get out of the office when I heard sound in her room .on enquiring she told me that you had asked her to type ‘ why what is so very important “? Rajagopal looked really surprised...Meena seemed very happy telling about it all .as if she did not mind waiting …” Rohit …come on I, know you better than that ...” With that he patted his son’s shoulder ….Rohit felt so embarrassed by that gesture, that he decided to tell what ever was in his mind.. He hesitated a while..Then said in a slow voice ..”Dad. yes what you had doubted was true ..I do like Meena a lot .But I just want to know her a little more to understand what she feels for me..That is why I had fabricated a false urgency about a letter ...”Rohit felt as if he was freezing with anticipation .but his father understood his son so well that ,he just smiled and said ,”Rohit ,she is of course a sweet girl ..And a very intelligent one too ..you know some thing ? She has ever so many doubts about all the activities of this leather business .she would surely make a good wife to you. She was asking about my entire family background, about our business.. etc..then itself I doubted ,why so much interest in our family matters as well as family history …Now I know the reason behind her doubts .she was getting an idea about her future in-law’s house ..”With that he laughed loudly. Just at that moment .Meena came in with all the typed papers...She smiled innocently and beamed at Rohit.”. Sir...Sorry Rohit..Here are the papers”. And then she turned to Rajajgopal and said with equal happiness and aspect “how do you do sir ...I didn’t see you around today ..what happened sir ? Are you feeling ok? ‘”Of course I am alright ...Just had another important meeting to attend to ..So I dropped in just half an hour back .. So she was being over good to him...May be trying to win over her future father in law.. With that thought, he turned to watch his son trying to discuss certain typed matters in the papers.. She was all eyes and ears for Rohit...Rajagopal felt that his exit was imperative.. May be that was what they both were wishing too...He moved away from them to his room. He locked his room and just drove away to his house...While driving he thought of what he had just witnessed. Yes his son was falling in love .And he did not know about it .he who had prided so much in the fact that there was no secrets between them...But that was how life took its twists and turns...From some where out of the blue, you would face realizations ..Here it came in the form of Meena …. It was late in to the night and Rajagopal had not slept..He was turning and 84

tossing.. Suma‘s memory started haunting him. Had she been here now she would have been aware of Rohit love...Yes it is usually to mothers that children open up. But he had been so free with Rohit...When did he hide his heart’s finer feelings from him..Did he fail any where? Rajagopal knew he was un necessarily getting worked up...There are certain things in life which we don’t decide on for our selves. The reason is unexplainable to. But one thing he decided. That is as early as possible he was going to talk to Meena‘s parents ,about giving her as his daughter in law. on thinking about all the pains Meena went to know more and more about his family and about his son and also about him was an explicit example of how much she was also interested .may be it was her way of sending the feelers ..”What an idiot I have been, for not having got an inkling of that young mind!!”Their constant togetherness.. And also Rohit over enthusiasm to be with her all were so predominantly pointing out to the obvious. He went to sleep with such sweets decisions and memories.”. Tomorrow is going to be a very eventful and hectic ...’ Rajagopal got up very early and woke up Rohit too ...”son, you know what is the first thing I am going to do ..I am going to visit Maenads house and ask her hand for my son ..Rohit sat up right ,as if he was bitten by a dog..”Dad... You don’t mean that ..Do you ?” “Yes ...Of course I mean it ..Why? Do you have any doubts about her feelings for you ?” Rajagopal was all concern now …”No dad...But. She has not yet told me that she loves me.. And more over even I haven’t openly told her so .Although I love her very much .”Rohit admitted...He had a feeling that dad was rushing things ..But Rajagopal knew better than that ...”What do you mean by that Rohit.. Where can you expect a girl with such a good back ground and caliber to make such bold admissions..You just ask and see. Do you think she would say no. If that is what you feel..Well that was not what the picture she was giving me. The way she was so interested in being with and with me goes to prove just one thing ...”Rajagopal was decided …”yes dad…I have doubts about her feelings for me...She does like me very much. She is so interested in knowing every thing about us. And she has an opinion about every thing I speak. I like all that qualities about her “So like you said let us go to her house and ask her hand for me …..” 85

So at last Rohit was confidant. That made Rajagopal mind more happy.. He was finishing almost all his duties of his this life …… They were able to find Meena‘s house from the address she had given them, when she joined their office …It way a bit far away from their place.. Rajagopal and Rohit were both in their own world all through out the drive.. Rajagopal was indeed very excited about the prospect of getting Meena as his daughter in law. As there need not be any preparations to be made to confront her...Because they both knew her so well.. She was the best … Rohit on the other hand was thinking about the sudden excitement that would rise in Maenads face on hearing the wonderful news..Even the other day he had made an hint about his love for her..He was sure that he saw a twinkle in her eyes then…. They reached Meena‘s house by forenoon. There wasn‘t any body in front .The door was closed...Meena‘s house was just an ordinary one..Rohit told his dad that Meena lived with just her mother. As her as her father was dead since long time …They pressed the calling bell and the door opened immediately. There stood Meena .She looked more beautiful in her disheveled look .”Wow! What a surprise. I was not expecting you both..Rohit…and sir …”Meena was finding it impossible to cover her excitement ….She called to her mom. Her mother was beautiful middle aged woman .The tragedies in her life and the miseries she had to undergo had marred her good looks to a considerable extent. But one could undoubtedly find that Meena had indeed inherited her good looks from her mother. After the necessary formalities Rajagopal came straight to the subject..Mean was not present there then.. She had gone in to take some coffee for her prestigious guests.. Rajagopal made use of that opportunity to open up “Madam ...I am here on an important mission ...That is to ask for your daughter’s hand for my son ..I have strong reasons believe that they both are in love.” With that he paused to see her reactions... Gomathy, that was Meena‘s mother’s name , just sat there transfixed ..What better alliance could ever happen for her daughter other than this? She gushed happily “I can’t believe my good fortune …sir, I would be only too happy to send her as your son’s bride …”’with that she called “Meena …come here fast …your boss wants to get your permission on some thing very exciting …just come fast “Gomathy was smiling widely now 86

...Meena came beaming in.” Yes what is it sir ‘? She asked happily.. Rajagopal got up to look straight in to her eyes ...”Meena.. My dear … Will you come to my house as my son’s bride …?” Meena did not say any thing for a minute. Then with calculated words and movements she started to speak softly. There was a slight quiver to her voice when she said “Yes I will be happy to come to your house ...but not as your son’s bride”. She stopped …She was shivering slightly ...”Then Whom??” Rajagopal was surprised...Meena answered ever so softly” As Your Bride”…

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THE CLIMAX That day started like any other day. Still It was a different day. Because that was a day when Nitin got an idea in to his barren mind. An idea about his close friend, who had lost every thing material and that mattered ,to a series of gambling . Gopal was his name. Nitin had wanted to help him financially, each time catastrophe happened. But unfortunately that desire remained just a desire. For Nitin too was a very ordinary man financially .Nitin had an ability .he could write stories and poems. He used to in his younger days .But marriage and family life had distracted the writer in him .hence that chapter he thought was closed …until that day …that day he got a story idea in his mind. He decided to make Gopal its hero.Nitin was sure it would create waves in the literary world. The writer in him was coming out of his hibernation! Thus he planned to save his best friend ……. The story had all the trimmings to please all and sundry. It had tragedy ,love ,fisticuffs ,love and sex. A tailor made theme for a mega serial. Nitin dreamed for himself too.. A welfare brought to him and his friend with his own ability. Thinking about it all itself made him feel rich and happy. Next day Nitin went to temple and made necessary offerings to god .he always did thus before he started any auspicious deed. He came back home and settled to write his pet story. the story started thus ..”Ramu was a man who had wanted to win the world in no span of time … ‘So it went on and on …the semblance of the hero to his friend Gopal was irrefutable and as clear as day light .and that was exactly what Nitin had wanted too. But he kept all these a secret from his friend..as he did not want him to have any kinds of anticipations for the better .What if the story misfired and drowned all hopes ..That would be suicidal to his friend who was already neck deep in problems.. Days flew past. The story reached an important stage. A stage where Nitin had to find or fabricate a fitting climax. What should it be ?this thought started to gnaw his mind. Should he give a happy ever after” finaleor a tragic one .Since it was about a person who is living, he has to be careful about not hurting his feelings or senses. But Nitin was so taken away by his creation 88

and its impact on his readers that he threw caution and feelings to wind. That was but natural. The creation becomes the creators dream. He was now more concerned about his story’s climax . Gopal ,on the other hand was put to so many excruciating experiences due to his lack of finance. Some cut throat financiers started to visit his house and started to pester him and even threaten him with dire consequences. Even his family life had started to swing from one end to the other .His wife was unable to take in more .So she fell ill.Gopal‘s daughter too had to discard her ambition to become a doctor. She started to throng the employment exchange office …a total blankness and helplessness crept in to Gopal’s life . Nitin was unaware of all the turbulent happenings in his friend’s life although he was just a stone throw distance from his house .He was busy trying to find a fitting climax for his story .Sentiments had no place there what so ever.!! He did not know whether to make it a tragedy or a comedy. He knew Kerala women preferred tragedy. But personally speaking he had wanted a happy ending for his story .As it was about his own dear friend .Now Nitin was totally confused. But his confusion was short –lived……! It was a Friday.Nitin got up early to brood over his story’s climax. Then he heard a boy calling out to him frantically. It was his neighborhood boy ,Raju.”What is it, Raju? Why are you shouting for me so early?”Raju was trying to gather his breath when he said “Sir, didn’t you know?’ Our Gopal sir committed suicide in his bedroom fan yesterday night .there’s big crowd already there. Nitin felt nauseous. But how was it possible? He was preparing to find a solution for all his financial problems why didn’t he wait?or was his heart break so great that he did not want to even discuss it with his best friend “?..Nitin was feeling very guilty.. And inconsolable. Days dragged by…The funeral, the ranting and the goodbyes were all over .Nitin was back at his creation, after a pause of few weeks. Now he did not have to burn his brain over the climax .So he finished the story fast with not much difficulty he found a publisher to publish his work. It was a tribute to his dear dead friend. The success of the book was instaneous. There was no looking back for Nitin after that .Media praised him. Congratulations poured in. Women drooled over him. Some producers were willing to make it a serial at all cost .There was a queue of sponsors too for it .Nitin was feeling so heady with the sudden 89

success. Probably Gopal, his dead friend was helping him from heavens!! Success brought along with it all the luxuries to Nitin. In the middle of all those affluence he did not forget to help Gopal’s family financially .Now Nitin shifted from his rented house to a beautiful flat of his own .his motor cycle gave way to a brand new Maruthi car. His story was now the current craze in Television serials. Nitin‘s brain started to tick again. Why not write story about Raja. Yes the same boy who had brought him the news about Gopal’s demise? Nitin knew Raja very well. His parents had abandoned him when he was a little baby. He was brought up by a scheduled caste lady,Arya. It was indeed a classic plot for a tear-jerking story…About a poor boy growing up against all odds to become rich and a cynic.Nitin called raja one day to his side and told him about this idea. Raja was thrilled. He told Nitin that he would narrate to him all the little hurts and happenings of growing up as an orphan..And later with a foster mother -the mockery called life..Nitin was very happy. He actually wanted to write a story soon. Because his publishers were already pressing him for more .They were pushing him to a corner for another blockbuster story. Nitin told about this idea to his wife .She too liked it instantly. But she had a better idea in her mind. Why not add her story too to it and make it a double bonanza, rolled in to one? She told about her interest to her husband “Nitin ,we can make it more colorful and interesting ,if my story too is added into it ..You can merge the two and make it in to one..that way it would have some love and sweet moments .Raja’s life so far is devoid of it isn’t it?” she paused to see how her husband was taking it all. “Excellent”!Nitin explained. so it started .The colorful life of his lovely wife Meghana and the dreary life of raja were merged in to one to make it a very good reading material. he wrote with many sweet memories crowding him ..he did not know the time flying..Hehad so much to put forth .As a part of it was about his own sweet wife…It was forming in to a very heart renting work.. Nitin was exulting at his own ability.. It was an October evening; Nights were long and days shorter. Meghana had wanted to go for her friend’s house warming ceremony in the morning .But Nitin was in no mood for an outing. So he asked her to go with Raja in the evening .Nitin was in the middle of finding a fitting climax for his new story 90

.A story with his wife and Raja as the inspiration.. Meghana and Raja started their journey to her friend’s house in an auto rickshaw. The evening traffic was dull. So the auto driver started to drive quite fast. Even on repeated bantering that sot of a driver paid no heed. The auto raced through a sharp hair pin turning and banged head on with an oncoming lorry. The collision was so hard and high, that it killed the passengers in the auto instantly! But not the auto driver .By some strange luck or destiny, he was thrown out.. Meghana and raja took the entire brunt...and succumbed to their wounds.. The bodies of Meghana and Raja were taken in an ambulance to their respective homes… Nitin now stood looking down at his beloved’s lifeless body with baited breath. He did not know what to do or say. Tears failed to flow…he felt choked. His thoughts ran down to the past years…how he had refused marriage as Meghana‘s parents were against their love .She was a north Indian settled here in south ,and he a south Indian staying near her house .To make matter worse ,he was just an ordinary school teacher . There was also a gaping age difference between them .But inspite of all the barriers their love bloomed in to wed lock. She was at present expecting their first offspring .How fast the cruel fate snatched away all his glory! So easily his life got a shroud like gloom. Now why does he need all the power and fame? for whom and/or what ???He started to cry. Unending flow of all the pent-up sorrow .He cried for his love, his life ,their could- have- been joy……every thing was snuffed out …………… Nitin did not sleep. The clocked chimed two. An owl was hooting some where.. A slow rumble of the thunder was heard. It was going to rain. It was nature’s way of washing away the heated atmosphere. His beloved’s soul too would merge with the rain drops. and reach heaven ..yes rain was auspicious for the dead… Suddenly he sat upright. A lightning flashed. Nitin started to shiver with a shocking realization…All the three dead were dearest to him.Gopal. Meghana .Raja…THEY ALL DIED WHEN HE STARTED TO WRITE ABOUT THEM!!!! When he fumbled for a fitting CLIMAX they all died and showed him a way…..so He was a “doomed” writer!!! He realized it all so late 91

.So in a way he killed them all with his pen…….. Nitin started to weep uncontrollably for an emotion he himself did not know.. The clock now struck three in the morning .Nitin was awake and decided. An uncanny calmness swept over him. He wanted to atone for the sins he unknowingly committed. Slowly he put on the light and took his pen and a clean white paper…Then he said a silent prayer and slowly started to write ….A STORY ABOUT HIM SELF…! ***********************************

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THE GIRL NEXT DOOR Marriage was a kind of escape for Sumalatha from her self induced boredom .Or at least that was the only importance she had attached to marriage at the time of her wedding .But it was not thus for Rajendran.Because he had loved her secretly since his college days .Sumalatha was a very head strong girl ..But she was very romantic .A kind of romance she had imbibed by reading umpteen romantic novels. But on the other hand Rajendran was a very down to earth natured person. He did not like to court and make a scene of his heart’s call .So he resorted to the proper channel to propose .Yes he went with his only relation ,his uncle from his mother’s side to Sumalatha`a house .Rajendran was a reasonably good government servant .and he was handsome too .As for the family wealth ..Well he was not a pauper .When his father expired there was a little wealth that was left for him .His mother had died in childbirth. If one delved deeper in to Rajendran younger days, one would find a lot of upheavals .He was often called as an unfortunate child .But during his baby days and school going days,he did not understand the meaning of the villager’s irate nature .So one day he went to his dad and asked him “Dad, why is every one calling me cursed ? Is it because I have no mother? He stopped for a moment to see his dad’s reaction .Seeing none, he continued :Yes dad ,I have noticed at school that every body has a mother and a father. But look at me …”This time he stopped and waited for his dad’s reply .His dad Chandran Pillai was flabbergasted at his son’s perception .How well he had found out that the absence or rather her death was the reason why every one called him “cursed”. Chandran Pillai`s heart went to his son.” No dear, you are not cursed .You are the apple of my eye and also the reason for my happiness and well being .Just don’t listen to anybody else .They are talking thus because it is their nature to talk ill of others .You just don't pay any heed to them .I am here for you always.” But Chandran Pillai`s words did not come true! Because he died in a motor accident soon after .So again Rajendran was looked up on as cursed .Rajendran too started to think that it was true .Or 93

else why did his parents die so soon? …His dad’s bachelor uncle brought him up .By some twist of luck ,his uncle was a kind soul That was how Rajendran grew up .But when he grew up to be smart young man with an attractive government job and salary; he forgot all his misfortunes .At least that was what life had taught him … It was by sheer accident that he had come across Sumalatha .To be precise, he met her at a traffic signal .She was being chauffeured to college .He fell in love with her then and there .But unlike other young men,he did not want to spoil her life in any way .So here he was with his uncle to ask for Sumalatha `s hand . Sumalatha took one look at her prospective husband and liked him immensely .She did not cover up the fact that she was in it for the thrill of it .Rajendran liked her simplicity and frankness a lot. Little did he realize then that it was her affluent lifestyle that was speaking .Running out of life to escape boredom….. The marriage was a simple affair .Only close friends and relatives were invited .As for Rajendran; he did not have any family except for his uncle .and a few friends from his office. Sumalatha did not mind the pomp and pleasure of having a large wedding .All that she wanted to flaunt to her friends was that she was really married. Sumalatha was a pampered girl .She was born rich .She had brother Sumesh,who doted on her as much as her parents .In the midst of all that comforts and luxury ,all she had done in her teenage years was read and read .She was very fond romantic novels .That was exactly what she read .Reading all those emotion charged novels ,she started feeling like one of the heroines of her novels .One day she would feel like `Margaret’ .At other times like `Nancy’ . But living in a world full of imagination was starting to get boring .So that was why she had wanted to get married. She was too lazy to fall in love … Now Sumalatha was married and she was thrilled to the core…! Rajendran had a small but beautiful house in his place. Her parents also helped them settle down. They liked their son in law quite a lot .Because they knew that Sumalatha was a bit too pampered .But in Rajendran`s hands she would groom out well .That was their belief .Before the couple set off Sumalatha`s father called Rajendran to his side and told him “Son, I am 94

very lucky to have got you a son in law .I know my daughter would be safe in your hands .But dear ,she is a bit too pampered .Please don't mind her little tantrums ..She was and still is very fond of romantic novels .So at this moment you too would be one of her heroes just out of her novels and she would be expecting all those exaggerated actions and melodramas from you too ...”He stopped for a moment to search Rajendran`s face for a reaction .Finding none he started “why I am telling all this is because, she might take a few days or weeks to adjust to your way of living and reality .You must excuse her .” Rajendran was very polite when he replied to his father in law.” No dad, I have no qualms about whatever her nature is .Because I consider her so fortunate to have had you both as her parents .I can very well adjust to all her childishness .Just don't worry .I love her too much to bother about all these little mistakes…” With that note he set off with his newly wed wife to a life he dreamt of ………….. Sumalatha was a very coy and obedient wife, unlike her father’s predictions .Because that was what she had read in her novels. So Rajendran had no complaints. Days of glorious happiness and sweet nothings passed by …honey moon was slowly giving way to realities. His leave was over and he was off to office .Sumalatha had just his old uncle to keep her company in their new house .So she went about her daily chores without much interest .Actually she had visualized so much more ..It was not as if she found any thing wrong with Rajendran .Because he was a perfect husband .But this perfection was not what she had wanted out of married life .She wanted a tinge of ruthlessness,just like some of the heroes from her favorite novels …But she also knew in tandem, that she was being foolish ………So she left it all at that. After all life was different from fiction. Months passed by….One morning she got up early as usual to prepare the morning breakfast for her husband and herself .Rajendran`s uncle was away on a pilgrimage .That morning she was finding it all a bit difficult .A kind queasy feeling .As if she had taken the wrong food and her stomach was upset .But at the same time she was also worried about her missed periods. With out letting her condition hinder with the daily chores, she went about it .But with in a few moments she ran to the bathroom and was retching over the wash basin ….”Oh! God! “She was feeling giddy and she was also feeling the 95

inevitable thing coming her way .Yes she was pregnant .No doubt about that .But waited for the doctor to confirm it .So after preparing the breakfast she told Rajendran “Raj,I have to go out to my friend’s house near here..” Just yesterday when I went to the supermarket, I met her accidentally .Seems she is staying quite nearby .do you mind’?” Of course I don't mind .Infact I am happy for you .You wouldn’t feel bored when I am away.’ With that note, he walked away. Sumalatha finished her work fast and called an auto and went to the nearby clinic. She tested her urine and to her dismay she found herself to be pregnant. But she did not loose any time .She went to the gynecologist to confirm on how many months she was in her pregnancy .Because she had missed two or three periods with out showing any symptoms of pregnancy .Being immersed in her virtual dreams, she had overlooked her pregnancy too. She came with a heavy heart .Because getting pregnant was the last thing she had wanted .It was not thus in any of the novels she had read .In almost all of them ,the hero was a swashbuckler ,who would take his lady love to all the romantic adventures possible ..Pregnancy would come after a few years .But here in her case it was all so different. She knew very well that once a child is born, then the entire attention would be on to the child .Romance would just fly out of the window …. Pondering on all the negative aspects of being a mother ,Sumalatha started to get worried .She walked about the house like a caged animal .She was not at all ready for the motherhood .How dare Rajendran instill such status on her ,with out her consent .But she knew Rajendran to be a passive person ,who was interested in relations and attachments .Since he was an orphan ,she was sure that Rajendran would never ever consent to an abortion .So it was her turn to take that decision .But now her thoughts turned to how to convince Rajendran … Thoughts were occupying most of Sumalatha`s vigil hours .That started showing on her daily activities .So one day Rajendran decided to ask her.” Suma, what, what is eating in to your system .I see you walking around like a zombie .why? Is every thing Ok with you ?”Rajendran was really feeling concerned for her .Because she was such a chirpy and frolicking girl a few days back .Now he was feeling apprehensive .What if he was the reason for 96

her dullness ? May be she was missing her parents .May be this present state of affairs were alien to her and she must be getting bored .But he wanted to make sure that he was wrong .So again he confronted her “Darling, please do tell me what is worrying you? Don’t tell me that it is nothing .I can see that you are damn worried.” Rajendran was really concerned. Sumalatha warded off his concern and anxiety with just a “No…nothing at all .You are just anticipating it.” But she stole that chance to tell him about the fabricated plot she had made as an initial start to do away with the child she was carrying. Coyly she went to Rajendran`s side and started teasing him with her eyes-the first weapon a woman uses against a man to flirt .Yes ,a woman can make a man dance to her tunes with her age old power of teasing sexually and flirting …….. “Raj,I want to go to my house for a few days .do you mind?” She knew very well that Raje did not want her out of his sight while he was home from the office “Now don't tell me that you are going to miss me .Because I would be away only for a day or maximum two ‘She waited .”But what is the big need all of a sudden to see your parents “Raj was getting a bit annoyed and she was able to feel it “It is just that I have to visit my doctor, I mean my family doctor .Because I have been missing my periods .This used to happen even when I was a in college .It was she who regularized it then .But now it has occurred hence again .If we are to start a family, which you are overly interested in, it is better I go and see my doctor. Because she is the best person as far as my problem is concerned .As she has treated me before too ...”Sumalatha heaved a sigh of relief .Because she could see a change of emotion in Raj eyes.” Poor Raj. “She thought to herself.’ He had completely believed it all .She also knew that the concern was more so because he was anxiously waiting for her to get pregnant. It was with great care and difficulty that she warded off getting pregnant so far. But unfortunately she thought of resorting to safe period instead of contraceptive pills, for a change .Experimenting with life was a kind of hobby for her. Rajendran was unaware of all her doings. Had he got an inkling as to what her decision was, he would have objected hands down.. Suma knew that better than anyone else .That was why she was fabricating a master plan..

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Even though Nilly Willy, Rajendran agreed to her going .Sumalatha felt all the pieces falling in her favor .wow! That was what her mind was whispering to her all through out the journey towards her parent’s house. Sumalatha`s parents were a bit worried as to why she had decided to come all by herself and their worry was double folded when she told them that she had lied to her husband about the real reason why she was there . Sumalatha`s father Gopinathan Nair was other wise a very sedate person .But on hearing about her intention to abort the child made him very irate .He tried to reason with her .But he had to give up his decision in front of Sumalatha`s tears .”Dad I am not yet prepared for mother hood .So if I enter in to mother hood with out my liking ,then I might end up being a very bad mother .Do you want me to be thus .Don’t you also think that it would be much better if I am also ready for it . ‘She had taken on a very pathetic note on to her speech. But although he knew that his daughter was unnecessarily cajoling for a very unreasonable need ,he was not able to deny her ,her pleasures…So at last he agreed .Sumalatha`s mother had no say in any matters .But even she was against her daughter’s decision .But she kept quite . Since the gynecologist was a family friend of theirs, she agreed to the abortion .But even to her they had to tell some convincing lies .It was only on the credibility of those lies that she agreed. Sumalatha was already three months pregnant. Since her symptoms came a bit too late even she was not aware of it …It was a strange occurrence .But stranger things do occur at times. Two days later while Sumalatha was happily relaxing in her house, she got a phone call from her doctor aunty. Suma is that you?” the doctor enquired ‘”Yes doctor aunty,”’Sumalatha beamed happily .She was still too over whelmed to contain her happiness. She was free of her pregnancy and that too with out Rajendran`s knowledge ‘’’What more could she ask for. The doctor was already speaking “Suma, let me tell you some thing .Your fetus was a female one .You should not have done the abortion ...It was by some luck that no harm had come to you …let me give you a piece of advice .Please don’t ever attempt an abortion in future .Because one abortion is worse than ten pregnancies ..” Sumalatha said a monotonous “Yes” to her and called off.

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The very next day she went home beaming with life .Rajendran was quite moody .He asked her why she was feeling so happy at being away from him.”No dear “Sumalatha told him.” It is not because I was away from you that I am happy .It is simply because I am fine now .The doctor has given me good medicines to make my period cycle a regular one .With God’s grace I would be alright hence forth .’With that note that conversation stopped. Life went on in an even keel. Sumalatha got back all the fiction romance from her dear husband .At times he brought the question of starting a family .But every time such talk came up she told him to give her some more time. Rajendran thought it better to oblige her, as she was supposed to be on some medicines .How little did he know about the truth!!........... Four years passed by. Four years of happiness and romance .Rajendran was a perfect husband to Sumalatha`s romantic trivialities .Because he understood her the best .She was a pampered child .So her world was some thing out of her novels .Rajendran was just the opposite .Life was a kind of traumatic experience for him .All that he learnt from life was all that he had experienced…But being a very understanding person, he was willing to adjust .It was more so because he loved his wife very much. It was from out of the blue that one other neighbor’s once insisted on her seeing a doctor .She was a gossip monger .So it was her way of forming a gossip. Suma whydon’t you see a doctor about your problem?” “What problem”? Sumalatha was curious .Come on Suma ,I know that Rajendran is indeed craving for a child .Now what is stopping you from having a child .The other day he was seen at the hospital .Why is something the problem “? “No nothing is the matter “You are unnecessarily bringing in a problem “ Sumalatha was indeed worried now. But she did not show it . That night she confronted Rajendran “Raj what is your problem? Why did you go to the hospital?” Rajendran did not beat around .He came straight to the matter.”Suma you know it too well that we have been trying for a child since eight months .Or don't you remember .But then why is it that we are not getting one?”So I wanted to make my path clear.” There is nothing wrong with me .In fact I was wanting to tell you about it all after I was confirmed about my condition .But you seem to have known it all .Thanks to our dear neighbour “

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Yes he was right .Sumalatha had given green signal for having a child. Because she was also starting to feel bored keeping just the two of them rekindling some fake romance .She had also slowly realized that fiction was different from facts.. And now come to think of that, he was right .They were not begetting a baby.. Oh God! Was some thing terribly wrong with her now? She did not waste much time. The very next day she visited her doctor and certain tests were taken .Life was turning sour .Or at least that was what Sumalatha felt during the days she was waiting for the results . Then It happened …Doctor told her that she had lost the ability to become pregnant .Her first abortion had done the damage .That biological trauma had really marred her and made her barren…… Life stopped for Sumalatha .She did not know what to do .Of recent she too was craving for a child .But looked as if life was taking it turns to repay her bad deeds ‘Sumalatha felt the world collapsing around her ……. The romance, the fun frolic .Every thing gave way to prayers and medicines .Rajendran understood her trauma .Because he was also in the same boat as her. A baby was all he hoped for …. Misfortunes never came alone .So that was what happened with Sumalatha too .Her dear brother and his wife died on a plane crash and their little boy who was just five years old was an orphan .Sumalatha`s grief knew no bound .She went to her parents house .On seeing the little boy Akhilesh, her heart went to him. Rajendran asked her to stay with her parents for a few days as he as going on tour to Mumbai. Sumalatha felt herself bloom even in spite of her traumatic experiences and the loss of her dear brother and his wife .The reason was none other than the little baby Akhilesh .She started doting on him as if he was her own child .Often she thought that her prayers were getting fulfilled in the form of Akhilesh .So one day she presented this matter to her parents “Dad, what do you say to my adopting this child .You know that I can`t beget a child .And Akhilesh is none other than my own flesh and blood .My brother’s soul would be able to rest in peace ,if I adopt this child .Don’t you think so dad ?” “Yes, Suma “her dad seconded her opinion.” You are very correct .Your mother and I have become old and sick .So Akhilesh would feel more

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comfortable and happy with you. But don't you want to ask Rajendran, about his opinion.”?” No dad, he would not say no to my wishes .I know him so well. So that was decided and when Rajendran returned from Mumbai ,this happy turn of events were imparted to him .He was very happy as was expected out of him. Life went back to being fun and happiness once again .Akhilesh brought a new meaning in to Sumalatha`s life .She was always busy petting and pampering him .Rajendran was also equally attentive of all his needs .Akhilesh was a very brilliant boy .He was in class one and was the class leader too .He resembled His father so much that Sumalatha started feeling pangs of sorrow engulfing her .Because looking at Akhilesh ,she was always made to remember her dear Brother Sumesh and his infinite love for her .But she consoled herself with the comforting thought that God had given her golden chance to show how important and lovable her dear brother would always be to her .. Time flew past waiting for none .Now Sumalatha was a woman of fifty and a widow .Some where along her happiness Destiny played truant and snatched away her dear husband .But he had made her comfortable financially while alive and she had some family wealth to lean back to .Although money was not much problem ,Sumalatha found loneliness bothering her .Akhilesh had grown up in to a handsome young man of 26.He was a Bank employee .Before he got the job Sumalatha had a lot of time to be with him .So she did not have much friends .But with Akhilesh away her thoughts went back to her on work ,she was trying it hard to adjust to the lonely ways .Often glorious days with Rajendran and the daughter she never had .Had she not aborted her ,she would have been a beautiful young girl of 22 or 23 ..Akhilesh could have married her too .Such soothing thoughts made her exist in her dreams alone .Because now her dreams had more substance .She craved for those times …She mentally cursed her fictitious existence during those times. When it was too late she had realized that the glory of a married life was the family .Sex and romance had such trivial parts to play in a marriage Yes they were necessary to concrete an everlasting basement to the marriage institution .But clutching on to that basic instincts alone would do nothing to enhance an everlasting bliss. She realized it more than anyone.

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Sumalatha heaved a deep sigh and went about doing all the house hold chores. It was my mere coincidence that Akhilesh chanced to watch Sumalatha go about her works with not much interest .Infact he had thought so about her listlessness a few weeks back .But he was so tied up with heavy work in the Bank, that he forgot to ask her the reason for her lethargy .But now was the chance .He called her “Mom.” That was how he addressed her ever since he became a part of her life I had noticed since a few weeks, that you are showing some lack of interest in every thing .Why? Is every thing ok with you ? Or should we consult a doctor? ‘Sumalatha was so overwhelmed by her son’s concern .No dear ,it is just that I am a bit bored doing all the work .It is so monotonous .Being a village area ,there aren’t much places where we can go or many neighbors. Any way it is ok I will get over this listlessness by and by .Just don't mind me dear. Sumalatha consoled him .How can she ever tell him that she was unhappy over all her past follies .It would all sound so silly to him. Yes Sumalatha decided it is indeed silly to think and worry about what could have been .God has forgiven her of all her follies .That was why she was awarded with a golden son. One day while gazing out of her bedroom window she saw a small house next to her backyard “.How was it that I had never noticed a house there so far. I was so immersed in wallowing about my on tragedies that I have even forgotten my where about. She told to herself .She decided she would go there .Akhilesh had told her that he would be away for a day or two .So she decided she would spend some time with her nearby neighbor .At least that would be like a breather to her engulfing loneliness. That evening She went to that house and knocked .An Old lady came out .She was finding it a bit difficult to walk by herself .So there was young girl of twenty or twenty one with her .Sumalatha introduced herself. They ushered her in to verandah .The old lady told her granddaughter “Meena, please bring in a chair .So that we can sit here in this verandah .It is so breezy here today. That old lady’s name was Ammukutty amma. She was staying alone with her grand daughter Meena .Meena’s parents had separated and had gone their own ways .No one had any time for little Meena .The truth was that Meena’s mother had eloped with her lover since college days .Finding this out her 102

father has become a sot and blamed it all on poor Meena .What could a little girl of three do ,if her parents decide to turn in their own wild ways .But Meena’s grand mother had taken up the responsibility of her and had moved in to this house since then .At that time her grand mother had a decent job .But now old age and sickness had creped in making her life so miserable .She was existing only for Meena .``You know Sumalatha .My sole aim now is to see that Meena is married well in to a decent family .So I can die in peace .”She stopped her volley of words with a deep sigh. Sumalatha`s hear went to her .In her initial meeting itself Ammukutty amma had opened her heart so much to her .That itself showed how much desperate she was to see Meena marry well . A very natural and sincere concern .Sumalatha immediately liked Ammukutty amma very much .Besides Meena was such a pretty girl. She pacified Ammukutty amma thus “Sister, don’t worry about anything .You have brought up your grand child in the best possible way .You have never made her feel the absence of her parents .Don’t you think God almighty would grand you your wishes.”? ‘Just don't worry .Every thing would sort out well”. Sumalatha became a regular visitor to that house hold .She regained her lost vigor .Now she was grafting certain plans in her heart .She loved her next door girl .So why not make her her daughter in law? .Designs were already forming in her mind now, Only difference was that this time it was all for her son and not for herself .She couldn’t wait to tell Akhilesh about it all. One Sunday morning Akhilesh was relaxing with a cup of coffee. Sumalatha approached him and sat next to him.” What is it Mom? I know there is some thing you want to tell me. Now come on tell me with out much beating around.” Akhilesh waited. “No dear, it is nothing .Just that I feel it is time for you get married .You know why I am telling you thus .I have already found the girl.” Sumalatha stopped and gave him mocking wink.” What, you have already found the girl too? But how you did it all by sitting in the house .That is some thing really great? Not bad for an old lady.” Akhilesh teased her .He was still not able to believe her.” Who is old? Well I am not. Ok?” Sumalatha pretended anger. They laughed and joked for some more time. Akhilesh was feeling very happy .Because his mother was happy. The new neighbors have brought back cheer and life in to his mother’s life .At least she was able to ward of her loneliness 103

in his absence .He thanked those next door neighbors with his mind.. One day he decided to go with his mother to that house. But how come she had found out his future wife too? He decided to ask his mother .Sumalatha then told him about Meena and her grand mother Ammukutty amma. How wonderful they were and the entire trauma they had to undergo. Akhilesh listened to it all with baited breath and with out battling his lids .It was all so thrilling and wonderful .Even with out seeing Meena and Ammukutty amma ,he was already fond of them .No wonder his mother felt the same .So he told his mother excitedly .”Mom Let us go to that house today evening it self .I can’t wait to see her. We shall surely go there e, son .And I am sure you are going to like Meena immensely .I feel so happy now .God is indeed great.” Suma finished with a sigh…… That evening they both went to Meena’s house .The doors were all closed .So Sumalatha knocked .But there was no answer. `Probably they must have gone out some where. Come son .Let us come back tomorrow.” Suma turned back to her house .But Akhilesh was not moving .There was some thing very wrong .The house looked dilapidated and unused .There were so many old and dried leaves scattered around there .Some dirty cobwebs were dangling around the shut windows and doors .On the whole the house looked as if it hadn’t been occupied since months or years…How come that mother found sanctity and happiness here with those two people .Some thing was very fishy .Akhilesh was getting apprehensive of some thing untoward happening .Any way he decided to probe further in to the matter with out his mother’s knowledge . That night he went to the nearby shop and enquired about that house and it`s inmates .The answer he got shocked him out of his skin. The shop keeper told him that the house was unoccupied since a few years as there was a case running about its ownership .He didn’t know the details .But one thing he was sure .That is there wasn't anyone staying there since so many years!!!!!!!!!! Akhilesh felt as if the earth was moving out from under his feet .He realized with shock that his mother was hallucinating .The doctors would give this type of insanity some funny names .But he did not know what to do .How can he bring his mother to distinguish between fiction and facts .She was already living in that hallucinatory world `Oh God !Am I loosing my mother completely?” Akhilesh started to weep silently. 104

On reaching home he found his mother sulking.” Come on mom, .It is not the end of the world .They would come back tomorrow .And then we would again go to their house and see them .So cheer up “Akhilesh was seething in side. Next day he took leave and took her to a psychiatrist .There in the presence of the doctor he tried to reason with her .But Sumalatha was not able to believe any thing what they told her .So she started fighting back adamantly .On insistence she shouted so highly that she swooned .And that was the first attack she got .Because some where along the arguments she came in contact with realities and she was not able to give in .Yes she realized in flashes that she had fabricated it all .But soon she slipped in the utopian world she had created .The conflicting thoughts and mentalities broke her heart and she collapsed. Sumalatha was admitted in to the ICU. The doctor told him that she was recouping slowly .And that she was under good watch…Akhilesh prayed to every thing he held sacred ,for his mother’s complete recovery .He decided to take some leave once she got better .So they could go on a long holiday to some health resort .Thinking thus he dozed off. It was late in to the night .Sumalatha slowly woke up in her ICU bed .She found so many tubes and wires attached to her.” What was wrong with me “? She wondered .She tried to recapture the past things. Yes she could very well remember going to Meena’s house .But they were not there and they had come back with a decision to return the next day .But then what happened after that .She could remember a pain shoot through her some where during the night .Yes now she was able to recapture some dialogues that passed between her son and herself .Akhilesh was telling her that she was imagining things. “As if that next door house was empty .Then what of Meena and Ammukutty amma.” Sumalatha felt her head throbbing again .She wanted to shout. But no sound came. There was a sister next her bed .But she was sleeping. Sumalatha waited a while then she was about to call her nurse, when a slight tapping was heard on the door .Then slowly the door opened and Meena came in.. Sumalatha was so happy to see her .She said “thank God you are here dear. Just now I was wondering where you all had gone .See, I had come to your house with Akhilesh .Actually I was having some other ideas about you and Akhilesh …”She stopped for a moment and looked at the sleeping nurse .Then continued.” Dear Meena .I have certain plans for 105

you andAkhilesh .I shall tell you about it all when I come home .Actually you are my daughter whom I never had because of my own vile ways .But let us not delve in to it all …””Yes” we have to delve in to .That is why I am here” Meena interrupted . She stared fixedly at Sumalatha`s face and said slowly.” I am your daughter ,.Yes the daughter whom you aborted ,I had wanted to live and get your love and care .I had ambition and aspirations .But you snuffed it all in the prime itself .How could you amma .Don’t you feel remorse .Don’t you want to pet me and pamper me ?…”Meena was cajoling and forcing .”Yes dear ...”Sumalatha started to weep .The tears of remorse and guilt flowed down her cheeks .How much she had wanted to rectify her wrong doings .Now her daughter was here .God is merciful .”Amma.Don`t you want to be with me...Then come get up …”With that Meena guided her out of the bed……………… The night duty nurse who was sleeping soundly jolted up hearing a loud thud .She was stunned to see Sumalatha lying face down near the toilet.. She ran to the duty doctor and all of a sudden there was total mayhem. The doctor came in and so did Akhilesh .They carried Sumalatha in to the bed and tried all the possible methods but in vain !……………. * Akhilesh stood near his mother’s funeral pyre and wept inconsolably. It was drizzling slightly when the funeral blaze shot high up .Akhilesh looked heaven ward .He felt as if his mother was smiling down at him and telling him that she was at last with her daughter -…That daughter she had aborted in this mortal world!!! ***

By sheela

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THE TREASURE Gouri amma was living alone .Every one asked her why she was living alone. She had just one answer to tell them all “Mind your own business”! So every one stopped asking her the reason for her solitude. Although she was alone and needed some support to do even the daily chores, she was adamant. She kept no one near her and seeked no one’s help. At times, she ran short of her provision. That was when Gouri amma really wished she had her son near her .Yes, she did have a son. Somewhere far away he must be living happily, forgetting even his dear mother. That was how she often thought about him. But she had no regrets what so ever about any thing that life was extending towards her. There was a time in her life not so long ago, when every thing looked lively and full of hope .Gouriamma‘s son was near her then .She did not feel the need to have any thing or any one .As ,her son was her world .Her husband Mahadevan had left her for a better and younger looking woman. But Gouri amma did not fight with her husband for her marital rights .What was the use of winning a hopeless case .Yes that was how she saw a cheating husband’s 107

wayward ways .Once her neighbour and best friend Leelamma asked her “Gouri, haven’t you admonished your husband from wandering towards that slut?’Gouri amma had a very calm ex-pression then .Although she was not educated in the literary way ,she had an inherent awareness of the ways of the world as well as heart .A human mind according to her was the most adamant and disobedient aspect ever .If a mind decides that it has to turn it’s course in such a direction ,it would go only in that direction .It was futile to forcibly distract it’s direction .This was Gouriamma‘s theory about life .Even in matters relating to heart and love ,this principle held good . So she told Leelamma.”Dear,do you think it is easy to bring him back from that other woman .It is not .It is not as if I have denied him of any thing .But he has, a wandering eye .So he is gone for good .But ,one day he would realize the folly he has created .But then it would be too late .” That was all what she said .But Leelamma understood the interior meaning of her words .She really admired Gouri amma .She had guts All that had happened twenty years back .At that time Gouri amma was just forty years old and her son Shankar was just six years old .She did not have any proper education to go for a white collar job. Neither did she have a family background to lean on to .All she had was a father who was neck deep in debts and problems. He was living out of the meager amounts she had managed to sent to him with out Mahadevan‘s knowledge .Her marriage to Mahadevan was also a calamity .It was an arrangement between her father and him to relieve her father off some of his debts .At that time Mahadevan‘s roving eye was fixed on Gouriamma ….She knew it well .But she thought she would be able to rectify him by and by .She failed miserably and that was how she turned very philosophical towards life. The house too was a part of her share, which came along with her to Mahadevan .But fortunately that house was still in her name. Gouri amma was just relaxing with the comfortable life style that destiny had offered her .Yes she had a fine family .Although they were not very rich , they were comfortable .Her husband was a farmer .They had little ground behind their house .That land had been transformed in to a vegetable garden where they had all the necessary vegetables ,as well as some excess .Mahadevan at times went to work for other rich farmers too .Money was a problem then .But Gouri amma saw to it that they had an even life style most often. It was then 108

that the catastrophe occurred in the form of a female form called Malathi .She had a bought a house near to Mahadevan‘s Even from the outset ,Gouri amma smelt rat ,with the outrageous ways she mingled with all and sundry .But it was Mahadevan ,who had caught her fancy .May be he was her personified example of male looks…what ever it was ,it didn’t take much time for Mahadevan‘s roving eye to get locked at Malathi‘s form . Once Gouri amma caught them red handed … That evening she confronted him. “What is it that you are having with that next door bitch?’ An enraged, Gouri amma lashed out .There wasn‘t any control over her verbal out pour!!” What do you mean”? Was all that Mahadevan could speak out as an excuse .How could he hold good, when she had already seen him. Now sitting alone in a miserable hut with poor vision and a lot of rheumatic pains, Gouri amma did not regret any of her out bursts twenty years back. She had just asked her husband to walk out of that house .Because she had every right to do so .But little did she realize then that a house becomes a home only if there is a lot of happiness present. Every ounce of happiness had gone out of her house that day .Because Mahadevan was only too happy to leave her .He was enamored by his new found love in Malathi .She had no encumbrance what so ever…… At sixty, Gouriamma was a total failure .She had lost her sanity and reason for living ,when she found her husband cheating on her . From that day onwards, she vested all her interest in her son Shankar .But he was worse than his father in the matters of heart was concerned .Gouri amma had to sweat and toil a lot to make both ends meet .But she never lost her self-respect. Shankar grew up to be almost like his father .He flirted with all the girls around there .But he was a good boy other wise .Every one had some use or the other of him. Gouri amma found it hard to control her son’s ways .She was lost lonely and hence sick. One day she called her son to her side and said “Shankar ,I have a feeling that I am forgetting things faster than what is normal .I can’t rest my thoughts on any particular thing for long .I think my health is faltering .”She stopped to see some kind of empathy coming from her son .But found none .Still she continued.” I am afraid for us especially for you .What would happen if I fell sick or died all of a sudden.” Shankar turned towards his mother .Yes his 109

mother was right .she was indeed showing signs of falling apart .May be her single handed management and the lack of love and affection in her life was paying off .Poor mother .He was now 18.Man enough!!! So why should he depend on his mother for any thing and every thing .It is high time he started to be the bread winner of the family. So he said in a voice full of remorse “Amma, I can see that you are sick .But it is all my fault that I did not look after you well .I was too occupied with my way of living. I am sorry, amma .From tomorrow onwards you don’t go out to work .You are old and sick .I shall look after you .”Shankaran‘s words were like honey to Gouri amma. Shankar was already working as a plumber then .But he was never parting with his money .He was very fastidious as far as money matters were concerned .But now he realized that his mother was always looking after his affairs, even by discarding her health .Now he decided to turn the course of the wind .But he had an ambition .An ambition to become rich as fast as possible .He was also impatient about it .But he told none about his ambition .He knew he would find a way to get rich fast enough . Age and lack of love and hard work to make both ends meet had made Gouri amma very sick and an unhappy person .She showed traces of dementia – a state of forgetfulness. She was also having a partial blindness. It was all the out come of her disinterest to life . She was cursing all and sundry always ….Still she pined her hope ,if at all one could call it hope ,on her son Shankar …She wanted him to grow to be a very enterprising and good young man .She had wanted him to marry too .But he was all against the institution of marriage .If at all Gouri amma confronted him with that request ,he would lash back “what did you gain by marriage ?didn’t you dessert him at a time ,when I wanted him the most .?No amma I am not trying to blame you .It was not your fault that you deserted him .Yes I know that .I was just trying to pin point a fact .That is all “ Gouri amma was fed up of hearing the same point .So she decided to leave that issue at that .But that was also another reason for her sickness. Shankar used to go away from house for long intervals. So once, when he was away from house for a fortnight ,Gouri amma did not see any thing amiss .But she was getting tenacious and jittery .That showed on her behavior towards any one who happened to help her …”Don’t you ever take me for a 110

incapacitated person .I can manage very well on my own “was her crisp reply One day after a long pause, Shankar came home in the middle of night and woke her up “Amma .amma ...Wake up ...”Gouri amma fumbled towards the door and opened it.” Hey son what is the mater .Even my poor eye sight can sense that you are tired and emaciated .Where were you all these days..?She was frantic.” Amma .just don’t worry .I had some important work to accomplish .Now I am here. But I have to go away for a period .Now give me some food .I am very hungry ‘. Gouri amma was wondering what he was up to, to have such a busy schedule .But she told him nothing .She just served him his food and went about her way …In between his food ,he called to his mother and said “amma ,now listen carefully .I have kept some important documents and some valuables in a box here. After I come back we can use it .You know, amma, this is the one opportunity I was waiting for.”He stopped .He looked very elated .Gouri amma was still very apprehensive.”But what is it that you have kept here that is so very important? And when are you coming back for it? Are you going to be away for long?” She was starting to get very jittery .For all said and done; she was not willing to be away from her son for long, however bad he was …”I will be gone for a week that is all. “That was his curt reply……….. That incident happened 3years back .Gouri amma was still waiting .Waiting for that affluent life with her son, which he had promised her…But now she was an old dejected and morose woman .Life had given her just brick bats .She took it all in her stride with a pinch of salt .But the abstinence of her son had deflated her to such an extent ,that she was loosing her will to live … It was then that Chandru entered her life .He was a boy almost as old her son ,may be an year or two younger .He was running a work shop just opposite her hut .He was not actually the owner of that work shop .But he had some important position there . The owner of that workshop liked him very much because he was a sincere worker. Chandru used to watch the old lady across the street when ever he got free time .Some uncanny affinity was developing between him and her, even though he had not spoken even once with her . He did not know what name he had wanted to give that relation ship .But one thing he was sure .He wanted to help her .She looked lonely, lost and tired to his scrutinizing eyes . So one after noon, when there was not much work in the work shop, he crossed 111

the road and went to Gouriamma‘s hut .The door was ajar .So he went to the door and peered in. There she was lying in the raw ground with her hands fumbling for some thing .Then he realized to his despondency that she was partially blind.”Oh God! What a pitiable condition she was in .There were a few houses near by .Then how is that she was left alone to pent for herself. “Amma”. He called softly.” Shankar” are you Home?.It was a Cry, rather than a statement .An anguished cry of a waiting mother.!Chandru did not know what to do or say .He said softly at last ...”No madam. I am a work shop boy .I have my shop just opposite this hut .I came for a glass of water .There is no water in our tap today.”He wondered why he lied to her .His addressing her as amma had set her tired brain working .But he did not want that to happen to her again .So he called her madam. Gouri amma got up and started to cry.” I can’t find my way properly. Still if you wait for a while I shall get you a glass of water .My eye sight is poor .So it would take a few minutes.” She said thus and went slowly towards the kitchen.” Ok I shall wait “Chandru replied .Because now he was curious . When she came back with the glass of water, he took it from her hand and made her sit near him .” Madam.I am Chandru .Why did you mistake me for your son .Is he away since long “.”Yes, my dear .He had promised to come back with in a week .And that was three long years ago .I have no one other than him .I don’t want to bore you with all the excruciating happenings in my miserable life..But I am now the living example of all the bad things that has happened to me.” She gave a sigh and stopped.. Chandru was feeling very emphatic towards her .He wanted to some how help her .Because bad tidings were not a new thing to him too. So Chandru sat with her and consoled her by saying “Madam, if you let go off your swelled up emotions, you would feel relieved. I am also a victim of so many misfortunes, even at this young age .So go ahead tell me your story .I am so very eager to hear it .”Chandru searched her face for some emotions .But all what he found there was a kind of bitterness .He was sure that once she was a beauty .But so many worry lines and poor health had marred all her good looks …she was just a remnant of the old glory that had turned very bitter and sour . Gouri amma opened her eyes wide and peered into Chandru‘s face .Her vision was fading .Still she was able to make out an out line of Chandru‘s face ,She said “why are you feeling so concerned ,son .Had it been some one else 112

,who had asked me this question ,I would have immediately shown him to the door .But not you …You remind me of my son .Yes he was almost your age when he went away from here” . She stopped as she was feeling choked .Shankar or rather his thought had become a permanent lump in her throat. Chandru went back to his work shop that day .But he was not able to concentrate on his work .His thoughts went back to that lonely lady staying across him .Some where at the back of his mind he felt that he had to help her .Why did he feel that ?He himself did not know that ………. That day he went back to his house with a heavy heart .Because he knew that the old lady would be all alone there with out proper food or company. Chandru lived with his sick mother .She had a perennial cough ,which refused to leave her however hard they tried .Infact half of Chandru‘s earnings went for her medication .Chandru and his mother were quite well of some time back .His father was a miserly man who worked hard for his family .But he was afraid of every thing .He felt that his money was never ever safe .He didn’t believe in banking or any such kinds of money keeping systems .He felt happy only if it was under lock and key in his own house .He was a clerk by profession .But during his free times as well as on holidays he did so many errand jobs and made money .The present work shop in which Chandru was working too was a result of his dad’s employment there once .The manger of the Work shop had hired Chandru‘s dad as a part time worker ,solely due to the fact that he was a very enterprising hard worker . Chandru got that job when his dad died of heart attack a few years back. Chandru‘s life had been a bundle of grief. Because his mother lost her mental equilibrium, when her husband died unexpectedly. The reason why he died was because his hard earned bundles of currency notes were stolen .The theft was well crafted and so the police were not able to bring forth a good result . Besides Chandru‘s father did not live long to follow up that case .After his demise, Chandru and mother were literally paupers .It was due to Chandru‘s good nature and positive thinking that he was able to convince the work shop owner of his mettle .And he was indeed a very good asset to that work shop. A kind of good Omen. Next day morning he took leave from his work shop and went to Gouriamma‘s hut .She was very sick and was hungry too.” Madam, I am Chandru here.” He announced as soon as he reached her side .Are you not feeling well “? “I am 113

never well, my son” was her despondent reply .But she sat up more enthusiastically .Because she was ,in a strange way, connecting Chandru with Shankar .To her sick and semi conscience mind every thing was in a jumble .She was loosing her sanity .But she was aware of a person’s kindness to her .Chandru sat with her and talked about a lot of things .How his father died of a broken heart man and how sick his mother was .”You know Madam .I was very much interested in studies .But what t o do .My state of affairs brought me to this work shop .Now with the little amount I get ,I am able to look after my mother .But I wonder how long she would survive .She is forever coughing .”Chandru was woebegone .Gouri amma sensed her son’s presence then in Chandru .A kind of serenity came on to her She said lovingly to him “Chandru . you can call me amma, just like the way you first addressed .I had mistook you for my son .But still for a moment I captured that moment of happiness through you .I am happy .My son may or may not come back .I have-not given up hope .But for the time being you are my Shankar .I feel it in my guts .”Gouri amma went on and on about her Shankar .Time stood still for her .She did not want to loose the magic of that moment .Chandru sat there unperturbed. Gouri Amma ended her volley of words thus.” Chandru .I wish I could help you .But I am so help less. The sole property I have is this house .It is in my son’s name now .I had written it off in his name, some years back .Other wise I could have done some thing for you “No Amma .your affection is more important .Some how I feel very close to you. I will make another suggestion instead .Why don’t you come and stay with my mother and me in our house .There you would have a company in my mother .And she too would feel happy “ “No Chandru ..I am not moving out of here. I have a reason for being so.”She stopped then .She was thinking whether she should tell Chandru about the important documents Shankar had left there. She had given him her word of honor that she would keep it all safe till he came back to retrieve it . Chandru did not press her further. Then as if on second thoughts Gouri Amma got up and wobbled on to a dilapidated looking box near her .She opened it and fumbled inside for a moment and took out a cover .It was an envelope grown yellow with years .From it she took out a piece of paper .It was a stamped paper. “Chandru ..Take it “ and read the matter in it .”She extended the paper to him .She was 114

in a trance .Chandru took the paper from her emaciated hands and read it .In it was suggested that she be buried in the same house when she died .It was approved too by the authorities concerned . Chandru re read it..And when he looked up , there were tears welled up in his eyes .OH GOD !!she was not loosing hope .May be she wanted to guard her son’s documents even after her death. The wait was not going to end. Chandru was not able to control his tears now .He let it fall freely .Then finally he got up and went to sit near her .Then he did some thing which he had not done since his baby years. He hugged her,holding her close and cradling her head in his arms as if she was a baby .Then Gouri Amma started to cry .Unending flow of all her hidden and suppressed emotions .He let her cry for awhile .Then soothed her .Chandru got up and went to the kitchen and made a hot black coffee for both of them .They both sat there looking in to nothing while sipping the coffee. The moment was pregnant with so many untold emotions. Dusk was setting in. It was time for Chandru to go home .But he did not want to leave Gouri Amma there .So he asked her “Amma .shall I bring my mother here .We shall all sleep here tonight “?”No ,Son ..I am used to this loneliness .But your mother may find it inconvenient to sleep away from her usual surroundings.” So Chandru went out and got her some food and then sat with her for some more time before he set off to his house .He was walking home with a heavy heart … Next day was a Sunday .So he did not have to go to the workshop .So he decided he would take his mother to Gouri Amma’s house and spend the day there. He suggested it all to his mother and his mother obliged happily .After all she was also anxious to meet Gouri Amma . So by 10 ‘0‘clock they prepared some break fast and set off to Gouri Amma’s house. On reaching there they found a crowd gathered around there .A lightning flashed across his heart then .Oh no “ he screamed ,when he ran towards Gouriamma’s house .He rushed through the small crowd in to her room .There she was lying dead on the floor with a copy of the same paper she had given to Chandru,close to her heart .Even in death she looked determined . Just as she wished,she was cremated in the bedroom of that house .The room where she had spent most of her miserable life .No one raised any objection .Because that was the only tribute and respect they could pay her .A pit six feet 115

long and a few feet broad was dug .Chandru did the last rites and laid her to her final rest in that house .. Then Chandru called for one pick up van and loaded the mud that gathered up after digging the pit in to it .He cleaned up that room well and placed some jasmine flowers there on her grave .Tomorrow he would come back to make a monument for her,he decided .He said a silent prayer and closed the hut and got in to the pick up van and took the entire mud to his house .. The entire mud was unloaded in to his courtyard and then while he was rummaging and spreading the mud on the ground, Chandru‘s hands struck on small paper a bundle..He took it out and looked. It was shabby cloth bundle .Slowly he took it in to his house and opened it. To his surprise there was a plastic bag in it containing a few bundles of thousand rupee notes. An amount that Chandru would not have been able to make even if he had worked for a whole lifetime .It was as if Gouri Amma Had welcomed death to help him…. But little did Chandru know that it was the same money that His dear dead father had kept safely in his cupboard and which Shankar had looted cleverly….!!! “ ******************* By Sheela

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