Blog 1

Shall I Follow The Cycle? For almost twelve years now, I have been married to the most beautiful woman in the world. Yet for six of those years I was not there to do the house repairs, to drive the kids to school, to massage her when she’s tired, to hug her when she’s sad, nor to change the wheel when the tire gets flat. She’s the one who held the hammer and drove the nail. She’s the one who did the steering while on the back seat the kids cried because the wind was howling and trees were falling. She’s had to weather the heat of the sun and wield the wrench in the middle of nowhere to jack-up the car. She’s had to hug herself during the times she had to cry. For six years she’s the one who did a lot of the things which I should have been doing. It’s not the kind of life I promised her, yet she never complained. My son is ten years old and for more than half of his life I was not there. When I chat with him on the net or when he sends me SMS I can feel the yearning in his heart to have me by his side. ‘Papa magbasketball tayo pagdating mo ha?’ ‘Papa when will you com home?’ ‘Papa ituloy natin yung karate lessons pagdating mo ha?’ Papa ako na po ang naghuhugas ng plate a.’ ‘Papa pag uwi mo aalis ka pa ba uli?’ My lovely daughter is four, I left for the land of oil and camels when she was two. She can only remember seeing me through pictures and when we chat, she never fails to ask me ‘Papa, pupunta ba kayo sa bahay namin pag uwi nyo?’ I can never forget the time overhearing her ask while I was chatting with my wife and she asked ‘Mama kilala pa ba ako ni papa paguwi niya?’ A lot of times we live in the future, forgetting the present. We work for tomorrow and in the course of it we forsake today? I don’t know if that is ever right. So shall I go home and be with the most beautiful woman in the world? Should I go home, hug my kids, show them magic tricks and drive them to school and to the chapel? And be with them FOR GOOD? I would like to shout YES! I would like to blindly let my heart’s desires take control of me. I deeply wish I could simply fly home and never be away again. Unfortunately, the longings of the heart do not always conform to the bitter realities of life. For me and for thousands of other OFW’s, scattered all over the world, to be able to be with our loved ones FOR GOOD means we should have a source of income at home which will provide us ENOUGH for our needs. So do I have an available source of income at home which will provide us with enough to cover our needs? Let’s see, I can try and be a teacher again. I taught at Juan C. Laya National High School in San Manuel Pangasinan for almost two years before I left for Singapore where I worked in Mt. Elizabeth Hospital for 4 years. Or I can put up a small biz then probably go back to Urdaneta City University where I taught for three semesters before I left for Saudi Arabia. BUT WAIT! Haven’t I already done these things before? Why did I leave for Singapore? Because my salary as a teacher in the DepEd was not enough? No, it was because of too much politics, I got impatient and did not wait for my item in the DepEd. My impatience fueled by my desire to earn more pushed me to become an OFW. And in Singapore I ‘met’ Robert Kiyosaki who opened my eyes to the world of the rich. So instead of pursuing getting to UK when I got my NMC decision letter I went home instead, and put up a biz where I hopefully made some robbers and thieves rich when they broke into my shop ha ha.. So I went and taught at the Urdaneta City University for a while.

Yet, then again why did I leave for Saudi Arabia? Oh yeah, it was because the income from teaching was not enough. The entry salary IF I choose to be a teacher AGAIN would be somewhere between ten to twelve thousand pesos a month. Is this enough for our needs? Tanungin natin yung mga teachers! Going into overdrive, I clicked the forums on the internet and what have I found? Teachers everywhere are complaining, NOOOOOO! The salary is not enough. But if it is not enough then how are they surviving? Ahhh yes it is enough to SURVIVE! But is surviving the same as living? Is having labong with saluyot on the riverbanks the same or better than spending time in Jollibee with your kids during the weekends? Would I rather see my wife and the kids in Jollibee without me? OR Would I rather spend the weekends with them along the riverbank enjoying ‘denengdeng’ instead of chicken joys and spaghettis? Would I rather see my wife without a decent dress but with my hugs and kisses at night? I am a product of the public education system, and I guess I turned out okay, so shall I transfer my kids to the public schools then? I think these simple questions pose a glaring reality. That the best thing for me to do is to ask them which one they would rather have, ‘Nilagang mais’ AND me sa tabing ilog or Jollibee WITHOUT me? Public school WITH me driving, or private school WITHOUT me? A cold night WITHOUT me or a ‘very warm’ night WITH a handsome guy like me? He he Yeah I think I will go home, hug my wife at night, make her warm and happy, ohhhh yeahh he he, read bedtime stories to my kids, show them magic tricks learned on YouTube, watch and laugh over funny clips downloaded from the net. Yes, I think I will dream with them for a while until reality bites again and I wake up one day and realize I don’t have enough to send my kids to college and my mom is no longer strong enough to rescue me with my poor finances ha ha ha. I can almost hear my mom’s voice telling me what she never told me but most probably wanted to a number of times in the past, ‘I TOLD YOU SO SON”. So what must I do? Well the cycle is clear. 1. I was with my family but the economic realities forced me away from them. 2. So I went to Singapore. 3. Then I went home put up a shop and had a job. 4. The shop closed and the salary from my job was not enough. 5. So I had to move away again and here I am in the land of the black gold. Yeah right, so now number six should be that I go home, be with my family. Set-up shop, find a job, (as if it’s that simple to find a job huh? Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle) and wait until economic realities force me to be an OFW again. Right? Ha ha ha. I could choose to be an idealist, blindly go home FOR GOOD, and hug the wife and the kids. Or I could be a realist and go home for a VACATION, recharge and return to the land of camels. Or I could be a realistic idealist and find something in between. Making a mistake once is normal, making the same mistake twice is foolishness, making the same mistake a third time is pure stupidity. I think I can live with foolishness. He he he Anyway, I still have a few more months to torture my mind on what’s the best thing for me to do FOR those I love. So for now, may God bless me, my family, and all of those who love us. .

CROSSROADS Staring at a blank page with hundreds of thoughts and images swirling in my mind I hit the keyboard and yup! Finally, I’m like a fish out in the ocean once again. Again? You may ask. And the answer would be a resounding Yes! For indeed there was a time when all I did was write, write and write. Let me remember, ahh I was once the Editor in-chief of The Urdaneta City University’s school paper, before I became the President of the SSC. Then there was the time when I had my own column in a local newspaper in Urdaneta City, The Ilocano Observer as well as being a contributor in other local papers. And just like that I am back on duty at the Caltex gas station where I used to write most of the article for those papers before rushing off to attend my subjects in nursing. I can almost smell the petrol and the grease and the sweat, ha ha. Oh and how can I ever forget being an editor and writer for the Ako Ay Filipino magazine circulated in Singapore and Hong Kong during my 4 years as an OFW in Singapore? Yet, why am I writing about glories of past days which are all but meaningless now? Do forgive me as it is only to strengthen my resolve, boost my confidence and remind me that I am capable of something even if I feel that right now I have been a failure. The real reason why I suddenly have the urge to write is because it has been my ritual to write when I am at a crossroad. Only, this is the first time I am making my thoughts public (as if anybody else will read this but me). Before me lies a crossroad and for now I stand still, my heart is filled with fear, my mind is struggling with the decision at hand, should I or should I not? There still is a couple of months left before I am forced to decide which turn to make, which road to take, but for now its just nice to finally have flicked a little dust off my pen. And though I’d say I’m still rusty, which is probably a fitting description for this piece; deep inside I know, the words will flow, the heart will show, and hopefully, the future will glow. And when the light turns green I know, my faith and my God will be there to show ………. Which road to take? Which is the RIGHT turn to make? ………….

E or J Bridge? Part 1. For those who have no idea “where amazing happens” you may be lost for a while, but keep on readin’ and you will get there.

We cross bridges everyday of our lives. Yet from time to time we cross a bridge which changes our lives. I usually call these bridges the J and E bridges. J is for Jordan named after his ‘Airness’ #23 and E is for Ehlo, no offense meant for the guy, I actually admire him for his efforts or maybe because I see a lot of myself in him. Ehlo dared, even with a bad ankle to conquer the best. Unfortunately he failed. Jordan on the other hand succeeded, even when ill and physically drained he was able to dig deep inside and deliver. So when I cross a bridge and find out later that it was a J bridge I feel like Jordan going, flying, gliding for that wonderful shot. But when I find I crossed the E bridge, bro I feel like I want to do an “Ehlo drop”. The first bridge that ever changed my life, thank God, was a J bridge. It was when I decided to be a member of the Iglesia Ni Cristo. It was this faith that sustained me when things were The bridges came and went, some I would rather not have crossed, some I would give my life to be able to cross